The Hitchhiker's Guide to Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense
|This page is originally from Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense and is licensed under GFDL.|
|If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at 67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!|
This page is full. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, 67 Deletion Summer of Love.
History of psychiatry
- Main article: Psychiatry
- "You don't know the history of psychiatry, I do." —Tom Cruise
- in the talk page answering a request of speedy deletion
In June of 2005, the GameFAQs Big Rigs board users created Rigism, a religious cult in which there is no eternal damnation at the end of life and everyone is Winner (except for those that bash the game, of course). Rigism is loosely based of real-world Christianity with many obvious changes, such as the sprinkling of the phrase "YOU'RE WINNER!" The members of the board defend the game's reputation, either jokingly or not, from those that attempt to visit the board of the "worst game ever" and make fun of the game. So far, its users have drawn up ten Rigmandments (10 Commandments) and a Book of Rigism (the Holy Book).
Members of Rigism are referred to as Rigists, but also go by their general faction name, the BROTRRers (pronounced "brothers," an acronym derived from the game's full title).
It goes on like that for a LONG time, including a list of Rigists!
GNU Chess is a computer program for playing chess, and is thus a computer chess program.
The game can be started by any one of the players speaking the phrase, "The game of nop has started". At the instant the speaker completes the sentence, the game has begun, and any player that does anything is immediately eliminated. The last player remaining in the game is the winner.
Determination of the Winner
As the above definition of does anything can include actions such as Breathing, Thinking, or even existing, a typical game of nop tends to last an extremely short amount of time. This can make it difficult, maybe even impossible, to determine the winner. However, probabilistic techniques of determining the most likely winner exist.
The most important scientific discovery in the science of nop is the special theory of relativity. Given that any time a person "does something", it must have happened at a Discrete moment in time, as well as the fact that an intertial observer will view events happening in a moving frame later than if the event occurred in his own frame of reference, it can be concluded that moving quickly will make any actions performed appear later in another player's Frame of reference.
Given the assumption that the game takes place in the frame of reference of the player who spoke the phrase to begin the game, a basic set of strategies can be inferred:
- Having a high velocity with respect to the player that started the game will increase one's chances of winning. Close to the Speed of light is desirable if possible.
- Starting the game is generally a bad idea, as your velocity with respect to the game will be Zero, thus assuring oneself an instant loss.
As starting the game is disadvantegous to the player, finding a league or tournament can be difficult. By far the largest international organization is the International nop League (Inop). Currently the world's top rated player is Buzz Aldrin, with an ELO rating of 2954. There is speculation that the game will be included in the Olympic Games in 2040 as a demonstration sport.
From Wikipedia:Reference Desk
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
This has always confused me. -- Natalinasmpf 03:58, 26 Jun 2005 (UTC)
- What do you mean? An African or European swallow? Zzyzx11 (Talk) 04:09, 26 Jun 2005 (UTC)
- Forty-two miles per hour. DUH! Nickptar 04:50, 26 Jun 2005 (UTC)
He is obsessed with cally guasti
From Apple? or Orange
Suppose you're invited at a grand dinner with French aristocratic people, suppose the Archiduc's daughter is pretty and suppose that you somewhat feel that your sentimal life will be affected if you do the wrong choice. You probably already know that the French enjoy fruits at dessert. Faced with the choice : apple or orange, I hardly suggest that, as a peaceful American, you choose the apple and get the father's appreciation and the girl's love as well. Why ? Because you will discover sooner or later that in the Archiduc's home fruits are supposed to be peeled using one's fork and knife. It was not so easy to cope with the rosbeef and the cheese and the salad and to be careful not putting them all in a piece of bread and eating it as a decent cheeseburger with the hands that the Creator gave us on an unclear purpose, it would be too bad if you failed just before the final line of the race ! Juste pick up one apple and try to peel it with your knife while holding it with your fork. (explain how to peel an apple)
The best advice that I could give you is to practice by yourself at home, nothing at stake, then you are ready to conquer the prettiest French girls' hearts.
Next time I'll tell you how to peel an orange properly using the not very well known Tunisian method. (explain here how to peel an orange)
Long...exotic...glittering mild in eyes...uusssss....romantic irresistible even tsunami made a visit to Silver Beach in the southeastindian coast. Silver Beach is located just 2 km from downtown Cuddalore however untouched by the busy life of Cuddalore.
Silver Beach is the second longest beach in the eastindian coast.Any one who makes a visit once to this beach will come here for the second time for sure (perhaps people there are expecting even tsunami to visit again).
To the south of the beach the South Cuddalore Bay Area looks as if it were a separate island.
The back water that separates the main beach from the island like structure is a safe place for water sports. There is Siver Beach Boat House rents boats for cheap costs (so you can spend long..looong... hours riding). Offcourse this is the best way to relish the beauty of the silvery sand of the beach on north, mint blue sea on the east, beautiful landscape on the south and thats not all, its beautiful riverscape takes a bend and leads into the greeny dense birds crowded mangrove forest on the west.
I vividly recall the colourful birds (in the mangroves) fly singing in clear blue sky which may perplex one to the extend to rethink the meaning/purpose of life. I am sure these scenaries and sounds of birds here will keep resonating in the memory of one who comes here, for their rest of their lifetime.
Cynicism on morality of Abortion
- the Cynicism section of Religion and abortion was first added to make "cynical" POV statements against the validity of religious pronouncements in general; it was replaced by this passage which was swiftly deleted:
Cynicism is an ancient school of thought first promulgated by Antisthenes, a student of Socrates. Holding that thought is the ultimate virtue, pleasure a vice, he took this position to its ultimate conclusion, crowning individual thought and will as the sole determinant of virtue without regard or reference to society. While his position on abortion is lost, one may expect from his ethical extremism and individualism that he may have thought one could procure an abortion, but would be contemptible for having put oneself in a position to be able to do so—that is, succumb to lust in the first place.
From Talk:Coriolanus (play)
Is it me or does "coriolanus" sound like it means "runka"? --[deleted] 28 June 2005 20:46 (UTC)
From Spanish general election, 1977
This was the election that resulted in a Protestant mother called 'Mary' elected as Prime Minister of Spain. Her first acts as PM were to abolish slavery, which had been popular among the bourgoisie, and reinstate 'El Diablo' as the President. Reforms included heavy taxation, for which she won rapturous applause from the citizens of spain, heavily pregant, for which she won havy appluase form the ministers of Spain, and a Spanish singing competition, for which she won rapturous applause from Darren and Adelle. Below is a picture of Mary upon hearing the news of her election win in 1977. in The Jazz Singer, 1927.]]
From Talk:Ash Ketchum
In Poké Battles
In Red Version, although this wasn't in a "battle", Ash was eaten by a Mewtwo. This is known because it is mentioned numerous times, including once not long after when Mewtwo coughed up Ash's hat, and again in a scene in Red's "Black Version" (where KO'd characters go) where Ash criticized 3 Mewtwos, saying one of them was the reason he was there. (It was #2, which commented that he did taste good)
- ...wtf? Ketsy 01:36, 10 Mar 2005 (UTC)
- I think he's refering to Pokébattles, a site which spoofed Pokémon battle conventions around 2000. Scary I actually know this stuff.
the new way to relax: cow cuddling A brand-new manner to throw off your daily portion of stress is cuddling a cow. The grass recycling beasts that graze on their pastures are very gladly cuddled. Constant new scientific proof is found that cuddling is beneficial for both the person and the cow. Gently rocking the cows tummy ensures a restful, even soporific impact. Cuddling a cow is more than enjoying the warm body; it helps reduce stress, if not entirely absorb it. Did you know that cows which are cuddled give milk easier, and that said milk also remains tasteful for a longer time? Cow cuddling requires you to use non-verbal communication, and it helps promote communication and cooperation. This is the reason that mannier companies have found the way to the farm.
Fat makes you big!
if the comies hate him he must rock
From Jeremy Clarkson
Duke of sarcastic japary ? moronic xenophobe ? public school inbred ? or the very embodiment of arrogance ? all very apt discriptions but no one could possibly and justly define the root of all evil. Mr Clarkson is famed for being the 4th avitar of the antichrist, his lower jaw forged from titanium in the brimstone of hell's inferno - his every articulation poisons his already toxic atmospheric localaity. Clarkson is the proud owner of perhaps the most notable speech pattern in the parlance of English, over emphasising every syllabul, infraction and vowel sound his style can be said to be that of a tribute to Moira Stewart. A keen student of the black arts and machiavellian manipulation techniques, he quickly distinguished himself at hogwarts, where he famously ate his contemporary --- Gail Porter.
Something stupid about the word "Chozo" is that in Farsi, Chozo sounds like Farsi for "silent flatulence".
- (I wouldn't comment on what the word "Farsi" sounds like in other languages... Instead, I tried to be polite and discreetly removed the whole deal.)
From Alexander plank
- Main article Fans (the webcomic)
There is no Guild of Evil Cartoonists, and T Campbell is not a member of such an organization
- Yes, I do know to what that notice is a reference, but it doesn't belong in a Wiki article.
From "Ninjas vs. Pirates"
Since the dawn of time, or at least the early 11th century, pirates and ninja's have been fighting in an all-out battle for supremacy. While Ninjas are like "Whoa! I'm a Ninja!" there powers are blown way out of proportion, or are they...
and pirates get a bird on their shoulder that talks for them, and all they have to do is say "Arr!!" and open a can of whoop-ass on their opponents
From Cats (musical)
CATS The Musical is a Musical composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber (ALW) in 1981 supposedly based on Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T. S. Eliot, though no one is really sure where it came from. Wherever it came from, it certainly didn't come from anyone overly familiar with real cats (or at least it wasn't likely from one).
Cats tells of a particular English feline tribe, the Cherry-Cos, who have convened at a junkyard to sing and dance strenously.
- Master Fur Jones, a fat cat, a '25 pounder.' He is quite formal.
- Cherry-Co Songs for Cherry-Co Cats
From Soviet Union
In the cold war there were a lot of gay men. However the United States got over that and bombed Cuba for evidence of Russian nuclear missles. The U.S then bombed Russia starting World War three.Nolan Gaige a russian spy helped russia with the whereabouts of the U.S nuclear warheads However people still made light houses to help them with cover if a nuclear balloon hit them. WW3 was really a bad time. Blacks controlled the Nation and whites were treated disrespectfuly. WW1 WW2 WW3 The World only hopes ther will never be another Worled war. Written by Mike Oaks. Associated with Murcus DumbFurt. complected of the United States Government. FBI warning 101 of the United States Government urges you not to copy or reinstate any thing in this confidential article cincealed with Russia, Cuba , And the United States.
From Battle of Singapore
In 1990, I visited Sentosa Island in Singapore Harbor and was given a tour of the famous Singapore heavy guns. What I was shown was actually five inch gun mounts into which 8 inch guns had been stuck for show. These guns were on the seaward side of the island from where they were useless against ships. I concluded that the famous Singapore heavy guns never existed.
They also have many employees who are aliens from the planet Spardax, which is located in the Elphatedus system.
Another from Coriolanus (play)
The Tragedy revolves around Caius Martius Coriolanus, a brilliant Roman general whom, having been banished from Rome, possibly because of his extremely awful name that sounds liek it might mean "runka", ultimately leads an assault on that same city. Only the pleadings of his mother stop him from sacking Rome, a change of heart which leads to his destruction.
An infamous incident between two (now defunct) websites: iloveturnips.com and turnipsareevil.com. Popular opinion has it that some of the members from the I Love Turnips website spammed the Turnips Are Evil Messageboards, and posted a number of exploits that ruined the layout of the forums making them unreadable (the people behind I Love Turnips would later deny any affiliation with those who carried this out, claiming they had registered on their site only days before the incident).
After turnipsareevil.com was back up and running they began a lengthy campaign against I Love Turnips, including running a number of articles on their front page personally attacking the website creators. One article allegedly showed an IRC log of an administrator from I Love Turnips saying that they didn’t even really like Turnips and only joined the site in order to meet hot girls. In turn, I Love Turnips ran a number of stories claiming they had received threatening phone calls, junk mail and that their email addresses had been signed up to a number of free adult subscription services, including a Fetish site about vegetables.
Sometime later, a Hacker going by the name Pofos, claiming to be from Turnips Are Evil (although, again, this was later denied by the website), defaced the iloveturnips.com front page by changing all the images of turnips to ones of Aubergines. They also posted an article purportedly from the website authors, admitting responsibility for the initial spamming of the Turnips Are Evil message boards and saying that they were now going to concentrate on a “less crap vegetable”. In response, iloveturnips.com filed a lawsuit against the owners of turnipsareevil.com, although this was later dropped.
The feud seemed to die down for a while, until a virus started appearing on popular instant messaging programs and IRC called turnipsrule.exe. It was revealed that the virus was designed to deliver a distributed denial of service attack against iloveturnips.com. The virus never managed to bring down the I Love Turnips website, and that about marked the end of the affair.
There are some strong Conspiracy theories surrounding the so called Turnip Wars. Many people believe that both sites were run by the same people, and all the incidents were manufactured by them in order to gain publicity. Another popular theory hypothesises that the entire episode was instigated by two bored students affiliated with neither website, on their summer holidays, as some kind of sociology/psychology experiment.
You do not want to know.
From Stephanie snodgrass
Stephanie Snodgrass is a young West Virginia girl. She is a rabid fan of the WVU men's basketball team. She will one day marry a Jewish immigrant after graduating from Hawaii Pacific University. She is disgusted by G-Unit but admires Mike Jones. She suported John Kerry during the 2004 election and was saddened by his loss. She is a member of the yearbook staff at her school. Stephanie is aware of her detractors on the internet who would wish to see her good name destroyed but just think about it if Paris Hilton can be in an encyclopedia then why can't she.
From Penis removal
A recent phenomenon in the news is the connection with Psychedelic drugs, such as LSD. Generally, the drug user recalls seeing their erect penis and believes it to be some type of food, typically a Hot dog or Sausage and consumes it out of hunger.
From Appleby Corner, Ontario
Its name is thought to originate from the older 'A Plebby Corner', a polemical invective against the inhabitants. Who, in popular opinion at the time, were held to be plebs, because they believed in Darwinism. Time, however, has proved more kind to those poor souls, and the name of the community has been amended, ironically, to Appleby Corner.
From "Carnivorous trees"
Carnivorous Trees are sais to be large trees that lure humans toward them and then consume the human's flesh. Almost all scientists agree that such an idea is absurd. There have been no studies conducted regarding Carnivorous Trees. Similar trees are in the 1939 movie "The Wizard of Oz."
1339 - ?
From Holden Caulfield (car)
From SpongeBob SquarePants
From Midnight sun
The bright summer nights are also a problem for some Wikipedians living in the affected regions, as the early and elongated sunrises cause annoying reflections on their computer screens. The long winter nights are for this reason of much preference. sun&diff=prev&oldid=17799071 |http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Midnight sun&diff=prev&oldid=17799071]
Why Spam tastes like excriment
Spam is obviously where and . Using this and the fact that the and , the scalar product can be expressed in the way as where is a column vector with elements and a row vector with elements . The inverse of a matrix is such that .
Thus, we an conclude that, since is the unit matrix, SPAM itself (denoted as in previous paragraph), tastes like something you find under the shoe of a hitchhiker (denoted ), .
[from Wikipedia:Sandbox, I just found it quite amusing]
From "Javan Tiger"
Some people have reported that they saw one of these tigers but the Javan Tiger will continue to be considered as extinct untill further notice.
The Vet was the greatest stadium ever! THe Phillies and Eagles played there and won alot of games! Who hasn't gotten drunk on the 700 level! There was a court there for football fans when they got too drunk and stupid and did things that got them arrested. The Linc doesn't got the charm of the Vet and Citizen's Bank park is too clean. We all miss the Vet in Philly!
As the first decade of the 21st reached its midpoint, rock was quickly losing the cool that it had kept since Beatlemania swept the Western world.
And then, a new rock star emerged. One with charisma enough to knock one's socks off while standing in another room.
Oappy was born Grodember 32nd, 1994. Her older sister, Cole-face, was a struggling musician who quickly grew jealous of Oappy's success in her early career and took her anger out on the coolest person ever, Matt. Cole-face often beat people for no apparent reason, and this played an important role in Oappy's lyrics.
Her biggest single "Don't be such a bully" quickly went triple platinum within the first three days of release.
Her autograph is expected to be worth four hundred thousand dollars in the near future.
Oappy's next single "MSN, work darnit!" is to be released tomorrow.
Her sister, Cole-face will continue her murderous rampages through the city as Godzilla until she becomes a rock star as well.
Oappy, the Rock Star
Specaleckasmec is British Colloquialism for "the soft morning sun shining through the river mist". In a sentence, "The specaleckasmec made my love's face glow with beauty."
Most often used in specific parts of Liverpool, Specaleckasmec won the 2008 Poetic Language award for most beautiful sounding word.
Also, it is in some places a sexual term for "An obease woman wanks off her lover using only her rolls of fatty skin"
From Wikipedia Addiction
Wikipedia Addiction is a form of Addiction resulting from overuse of Wikipedia. Symptoms include, but are not limited to:
- Spending excessive amounts of time on Wikipedia, including avoiding more fulfilling, social activities to do so...
- Desperately searching for articles to create or edit while on Wikipedia...
- Holding political rallies in favor of making Wikipedia editing marks an official state language...
Wikipedia Addiction is not a Syndrome or an illness, since it has a known cause. Despite its categorization as an addiction because of addictive behavior involving Wikipedia, it may in fact be beneficial to one's mental state, including because of expansion of knowledge and writing capabilities.
In the United Kingdom a sufferer of Wikipedia Addiction is known known as a Wikiphile.
Quite a single-handed feat
From Events, July 6
- 1777 - American Revolutionary War:At the Battle of Fort Ticonderoga,British general John Burgoyne defeats America.
From Gaylord Nelson
Gaylord Anton Nelson (June 4, 1916 - July 3, 2005) was an American politician. He was born in Clear Lake, Wisconsin. He was named in the hope that he would be homosexual and also become a lord.
- From Master pencil
Hello. I am a clown. Many of you don't know me, because I have to admit I have few friends. Maybe it's because I have two penises instead of the normal three. So I was at a funeral the other day, you know, the usual lighten-up gig, and I'm like "what do you get when you mix a chicken with a snowman?" and the wife is like, "what DO you get?" and I'm like "a dead husband!".
Unfortunately, that rubbed people the wrong way. And that pisses me off. I mean, I had to cancel a child's party for this friggin' dead body fest, and they don't appreciate my humour. I mean, come on! Lighten up! You'll forget about him in a few days! And the wife of the dead guy is crying, and I'm like "Why do you care? We all know you had the hots for the trees! You friggin' hippy! God!"
I also have AIDS. That stands for Anti-Islamic Defense System. I want me and my kids to be protected from the Islams. So I got some condoms. That stands for Connected Operations of the National Defense of Ordered Missions.
Anyways, I've got a client in my office. And you're like, clowns don't have offices, they're big and stupid. Well, I have to tell you that I'm a good 178 pounds. However, I am petarded. Get it, petarded?
Anyways, I'm going to have sex with two people at once because my male genitalia is doubled, and not tripled. But that's a good thing. Because, if somebody with three penises got a whopping three boners at once, they'd like, pass out or have a heart attack! So I'm lucky I can get fully turned on and still be able to say "I'm consious! OOOOOoOoOooOoooOOoooOOoh!"
The following is an article made by some anon about Wiki-Nerds. At the top someone added, "This page is a candidate for speedy deletion because: This really sucks." Also, check out its talk page. I have to post this before it gets deleted, so here it is:
Profiling the average Wiki-Nerd
Existing since the beginning of Wiki-time, Wikip-nerds spend most of their spare time browsing Wikipedia.
Often having nothing better to do, they browse the NewPages list on Wikipedia, looking for a reason to exist.
They will reuglarly read utter non-sense for hours on end, because it allows them to vote to delete pages. This voting privledge gives Wiki-Nerds a heightened sense of power, and makes them truly think that they can make a difference in the world.
How to reconise a Wiki-Nerd
Wiki-Nerds can be reconised by their quick responses to non-sense, vanity and random posts. They will usually have their own Wikipedia user page, and like to think of it as a personal blog.
Constantly on the patrol for a 'Life', Wiki-nerds will also create accounts at Wikisource and Wikimedia Commons in search of meaning for their own lives.
Special charecter traits of the Wiki-Nerd
Using their Wikipedia user page, Wiki-Nerds usually reserve a section on their 'page' for their 'significant contributions', which, in reality, is simply a place for them to write down all their life accomplishments and goals so that others may feel proud of them.
They will also complain frequently of wrist and back pains from poor posture and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Wiki-Nerds are the most likely to read this article, and the fiercest will automatically be inflamed with rage and post it for Speedy deletion, and make many comments about it.
What to do upon encounter
Tell them to Get a Life.
What to do if you are a Wiki-Nerd and reading this
Comment. Vote for deletion. Add to BJAODN. Enjoy a laugh, if you have a sense of humour.
From George W. Bush on July 6, 2005
- Happy Birthday Mr. President!!!! from all of Wikipedia.
Actually, about half of Wikipedia seems to want to replace Dubya's photo with one of Emperor Palpatine, but it least they got the date right, and it's so nice it can't even be considered vandalism.
Heroin is very helpful to the bodys respitory system. It illimantes bad oders that may cause your lungs to burn in the middle of the night by exciting the excrusiation of piss in your toes. However, this herowin does not come with it's pros and cons. Hyrup may prove to have adverse effects to herowin use. Studys show that leading competitors often contribute the cause of tumors of the penis to hyrup mixed with herowin use. Therefore, always use your herowin in moderation with hyrup. Many doctors prescribe heroin to pharmasists, in order to have an understanding of the drugs they are using. Herowin addicts often recive bone marrow transplants from pigs, as herowin acts as a steriod which makes pigs fat and makes more food for us to eat when we cook bacon in the morning after a long night of herowin use.
From Talk:2005 London transport explosions (now at 7 July 2005 London bombings)
When comparing the two events, one thing that is of interest to the two charts is the first impact on 7 July 2005 occured at 8:49 while the first impact on 11 September 2001 occured at 8:43.
Some notable storylines in this year was Maria Ramsay revealing to her husband Max that Danny was not his real son, and Paul Robinson's wife Terri murdering Charles Durnham, and then shooting him.
The Early Life of Brian Nichols
Brian Nichols was not of African American ancestry, but was recently found to be of Penguin ancestry (please don't be surprised! I have more to tell you). In the cold lands of the farway continent Antarctica, a cute little baby penguin was born. He loved to eat stuff that his mother had vomited out and especially loved the fish-flavored parts of it. His mother had named him Brian. However, one day young toddler Brian decided to go out for a swim without his parents' permission. Even though he was immediately and thoroughly chastised for his mischievous actions, Brian would not listen. Image:BrianNichols.jpg He obstinately kept going to the beach and swam and swam happily without his parents being happy. Then, Brians' mother and father decided to hire the well-known British sorceress, J.K. Rowling, to temporarily disable his swimming ability with a spell. However, Mrs. Rowling had not practised her magical trick very well and instead, did another one. His parents watched in extreme fascination and horror as their young son suddenly transformed into the dreadful, polluting, anti-penguin habitat, anti-environmental Human!!!!!! Brian's father and mother immediately abandoned him and dumped him into the ghetto sections of Antarctica. When he turned into a teenager, he joined the Bad Penguinz gang (the gang accepted him because he was very bad in behaviour). With the gang of big, bad penguins, he commited penguincide, stole snowmobiles (Motor vehicle theft), burglarized the local thatched huts, and sprayed graffiti on the walls (in Antarctica, the penguins marked their property and sprayed graffiti by spraying their droppings, not spray paint). "Delinquent" Brian constantly got into trouble with the Antarctica Police Department and was often jailed in the underground dungeons with the ice worms.
One day, Brian got J.K. Rowling to come back to Antarctica. Mrs. Rowling was assigned the task of bringing a curse upon the Ice Ghetto gangsters, who were the rivals of the Bad Penguinz. Unfortunately, she performed yet another act of monumental error. As the world of ice began to disappear, Brian started to scream. He was not in the 'Tarctica hoods. He was in the United States! But things weren't over yet. He quickly adapted to life there and started commiting the same crimes the Bad Penguinz gang had taught him. The trouble is only beginning to get worse..............
- What sick joke is this? -- Riffsyphon1024 05:19, Mar 26, 2005 (UTC)
- Is Brian feeling sick because of the fish-flavored vomit he had swallowed when he was young?
From: BUTT-MASTER Pen Gun
Scientist fun is a list of fun, but offbeat things you might get to do if you are a scientist. I'll start, but feel free to add to the list. Besides the usual Wikipedia niceties, I ask that the list contain only "certain kinds" of scientist fun. Kind of "offbeat fun". So these are the "rules" (bendy though they may be)
- No "serious" fun should be on the list. E.g.: No "exploring new aspects of nature never before encountered by a human being blah blah blah" sort of stuff. That sort of thing may indeed be fun, but it's not what I'm looking for.
- Offbeat fun is what I'm looking for. Stuff like "I get to cut my fingernails with a $300 pair of dissection scissors (which, incidentally, I just did before starting this article (I know, TMI).
- The "fun" should be more-or-less available to you only as a scientist, and not available to anyone else. So no "riding a bicycle is fun" sort of thing.
- You don't have to actually be a scientist to add to the list. If you know of, or can imagine some scientist fun, by all means, put it down on the list! I might want to try something I've not thought of myself.
OK, have at it:
It's fun to be a scientist because:
- you get to play with acid
- lighting things on fire is part of your job
- so is melting things
- you get to take things apart and see what's inside
- you don't get in trouble even if you can't put them back together
- It's called "experimenting" and they pay you for it
- you don't get in trouble even if you can't put them back together
- You can dress any way you damned well please.
- You own chemicals, but you don't know what they are.
- or what they do
- maybe you could try lighting them on fire or melting them
- or what they do
- you get to use exotic machines
The Electric Dildo Babies where a ridiculous humor rock band founded in 1995 in Pittsburgh, PA. They where well known mostly for their stage theatrics that included lighting baby dolls on fire and drinking "urine" on stage (which in fact was just lemonade). Their songs where mostly toilet humor rants about genitals and bodily functions, akin to something like Gwar or Green Jelly, but their live shows and enduring anthems like "Your Mom Needs to Quit Drinking" and "Testicle Wrench" will live on as classic performance art. They disbanded in 2003 although there have been rumors of a reunion.
- Penis Christ - Vocals
- Dirk Diggler - Guitar
- Tardass the Meaty - Bass
- Dick Liquor - Guitar
- Turd McBurgle - Drums
- Fecal Masturpiece (1996)
- The Monster Butt EP (1997)
- Seargent Pecker's Homely Farts Club Band (1999)
- Still Drunk, Still Broke, Still Stupid (2001)
From Geography of India
- P.S. Im in ur computer stealing ur megahertz
- Purdy, Missouri, USA
- Purdy, Washington, USA
- Al Purdy, a Canadian poet
- Cecil Purdy, an Australian chess player
- Purdy, a fictional character played by Joanna Lumley in The New Avengers
- Purdy, slang for pretty referring to a person or just referring to the word "pretty"
Trailer Trash may refer to one or more the following non-mutually exclusive groups:
- Those living in a Camper or Caravan in American Trailer parks on a non-temporary basis known as Trailer park trash
- Guests and viewers of The Jerry Springer Show
- Jerry Springer
- Persons with a mullet hairstyle
- Persons from the Southern United States
- NASCAR fans
- Listeners of Country music
- Supporters of George W. Bush
- American drivers of Pickup trucks
- American gun lovers
Image:1966holdencaulfield.jpg Caulfield.]] The Holden Caulfield was a re-badged right hand drive Chevrolet Nova sold in Australia and New Zealand between 1966 and 1979. An estimated 25,000 were produced. It is not known if the name is related to the character of Holden Caulfield in the book Catcher in the Rye.
Misterteapotism is a hilibistic religion based on the teachings of Mr. Teapot and the Five Laws of Ontological Necessity. Followers are mostly confined to the Yorkville area in Manhattan, although the religion had its beginnings in Branson, Missouri.
History and Early Teachings
This hilibistic religion began in Branson, Missouri in 1918 when an elderly gentlewoman was pouring tea from a teapot for her dying husband. Unexpectedly, the old teapot began humming "Oh, Susanna!". The lady's husband allegedly jumped up from his chair and did a little jig whilst the teapot was humming the tune. He had recovered completely from his prostate cancer and lived until he died in his sleep at the age of 102. For the remainder of his life, he dedicated his time to spreading the word of the teapot that had saved him, whom he affectionately referred to as "Mr. Teapot". He supposedly had numerous conversations with the teapot and wrote down all of its remarks. He compiled a series of hilibistic laws entitled, "The Five Laws of Ontological Necessity" based on these conversations.
The Five Laws of Ontological Necessity
1. Thou shall pray every morning facing your Personal Teapot. Sing the official song, "Oh, Susanna!" and ask for a Holy Hedgehog from Hell.
2. Thou shall worship only Teapots and Mr. Teapot, and reject Juice Box.
3. Thou shall make a pilgrimmage to Branson, Missouri and Yorkville, Manhattan, New York at least once in your lifetime.
4. Thou shall consume only tea and not Juice from Juice Boxes.
5. Thou shall never allow biscuits to Float in Tea. If your biscuit wishes to Float, sing "Oh, Susanna!".
From Monkey hanger
Nickname for a Poolie or resident of Hartlepool (England). Allegedly, during the Napoleonic wars, a French ship called the Chasse Maree was wrecked on the coast at Hartlepool. There were no survivors, with the exception of a lone monkey, wearing a French uniform (dressed as such to amuse those on ship). The monkey was found by some locals and questioned in a beach based trial. Obviously, the monkey could not answer. The locals concluded the monkey to be a French spy, as the locals did not know what a Frenchman looked like. The poor animal was thus sentenced to death and hung from the mast of a fishing boat. To this day, this has remained a source of embarrassment for people living in Hartlepool and it is best not to call anyone from Hartlepool by this name, as some regard it as a term of offence.
In 2002, the story of the monkey took a new twist as Stuart Drummond, the man in Hartlepool United's 'H'Angus the Monkey' mascot costume, stood for election as Mayor of Hartlepool and narrowly won. One of the promises he made was to give all school children free bananas, a promise which he later had to go back on. He won again three years later with a landslide victory.
- Unlikely as it may seem, this is not nonsense - all of the above is true (see the article & the VfD discussion). Sometimes life is stranger than fiction.
From Count Olaf
I am so handsome.
A very good reason not to be an anti-Semite
Image:Natalieportman44.jpg]] Other than being very wrong, one of the best reasons not to be an anti-semite is because there are a lot of hot Jewish women out there. Let me just say if you met some of the nice Jewish girls I have known you would definitely would not be an anti-semite, you would be a pro-semite! For example there was this nice gal named Ayelet and she had huge Breasts and a very trim and athletic body. God, she was fun both in and out of bed. Then there was Natasha, who's breasts were maybe B cup and super hot. Oh boy, she was so hot and damn fine in bed and we had a three way with her friend Rachel. Hell, all of the Jewish gals I have known I'd have converted to Judiasm they were that good. You would have to be a Moron to be an anti-Semite 'cause there is some major Jewish hotness. Template:Clear
Little known statistics
- 92 percent of Catholics have consumed urine at some point in their lives
- 78 percent of hippies have attempted to murder police officers. Due to poor hand-eye coordination, only 2 percent succeed
- 27 percent of Amish children have genital warts
- 79 percent of registered Republicans live below the poverty line. 19 percent of those are either members of Arayan Nations or the KKK
- 56 percent of squirrels will sexually assault the elderly
- 96 percent of Fundamental Baptists ritualistically immolate their own feces
- 80 percent of my fingers have not been broken by loan sharks.
- 87 percent of members of The Church of Satan are involved in charity work involving children
- 89 percent of Democrats engage in orgies and casual public intercourse
- 83 percent of people named "Phil" will be dead within one week of this posting
- 43 percent of Mormons have admitted to killing puppies with their bare hands
- Black people have 40 percent more money than whites
- 95 percent of convicted rapists blame subliminal messages in music from Celine Dion as for their crimes
- 40 percent of Mexicans own stock in the Anheiser-Busch corporation (props to my girlfriend for this one)
- For every 100 dollars the US government spends on the war in Iraq, 87 dollars is spent on pornography.
- 12 out of my 22 closest friends have their heads up their asses
- 82 percent of KGB employees now work at Disney Land and Disney World
- 1.5 percent of McDonalds hamburgers test positive for HIV
- 4 out of every 3 children are failing math.
- 45 percent of people named "Bob" will be brutally murdered by their own children
- 18 percent of Canadian citizens refer to Slovaks as "niggers"
- 57 percent of Jews own at least one Judas Priest album
- 100 percent of my last 30 minutes was wasted trying to get a cheap laugh out of people. So enjoy and don't end up like the 38 percent of lesbians that choke to death on gummy bears.
The Yowies, according to the story, are protectors of the various environments of Gondwana. Their names were Rumble(deserts), Boof (rainforests and mountains), Crag (swamps and mangroves), Ditty(bushland), Nap(gum forests) and Squish(rivers and waterways, possibly the ocean as well)."
this is a reference to the cadbrory story and is a repeat.
sorry if this is not a good report.
Weeman the Fisherman
A song written by Antonio Butcher about Jared Weeman's love for the cod fish:
Weeman the fisherman
Touring for the fish in the open sea
Weeman the fisherman
Fishing for you, fishing for me
From WikiProject Stub sorting/Criteria
- Disagree YixilTesiphon does. --YixilTesiphon 02:15, July 10, 2005 (UTC)
- Wouldn't that be ...by smurfing it... ? Lectonar
- No. Never. Ever. --TheParanoidOne 8 July 2005 05:39 (UTC)
Presidents for speedy deletion!
While all the fingers have names (pinky, ring, middle, index, and thumb-although some argue that the thumb is not a finger) the Toes do not have names, with the exception of the big toe or Hallux, and the small toe or pinky toe
The reason that the toes do not have a popular name may be that they are very similiar or that they are not seen as much. They are heard, however; as the little toe goes "WEE! WEE! WEE!" all the way home.
|Country of origin|
|Classification and breed standards|
Rottweilers are cute dogs. The breed is black with clearly defined tan markings on the cheeks, muzzle, chest, legs, and eyebrows. The markings on the chest should form two distinct upside-down triangles; a tiny patch of white in between is acceptable, although undesirable. The cheeks should have clearly defined spots that should be separate from the muzzle tan. The muzzle tan should continue over the throat. Each eyebrow should have a spot. Markings on the legs should not be above a third of the leg. On each toe should be a black 'pencil' mark. Underneath the tail should also be tan.
Nails are black. Inside the mouth, the cheeks may have black patches, although the tongue is pink. The skull is typically massive, but without excessive jowls. The forehead is wrinkly when the Rottweiler is alert.
The Rottie's eyes are a warm, dark brown—any other colour is never acceptable. The expression should be calm, intelligent, alert, and fearless. The ears are small drop ears that lie flat to the head. 'Flying' ears are undesirable.
The coat is medium length and consists of a waterproof Undercoat and a coarse Top coat. It is low maintenance, although experiences shedding during certain periods of the year. Rottweilers are not naturally without tails. Many owners decide to have the tails removed soon after the puppies' birth. The tail is usually docked to the first joint. They should have tails, since it makes them cuter. All the mean people who remove the tails from the poor cute little Rottweiler puppies should be sent to the middle of Iraq wearing an American flag shirt and a giant Sandwich board sign that says in Iraqi "I am an American!"
The chest is deep and should reach the Rottie's elbows, giving tremendous lung capacity. The back should be straight; never sloping. The Rottweiler stands 25 to 27 inches (63-68 cm) at the Withers for males, and 23 to 25 inches (58-63 cm) for females. Weight is usually between 90 and 110 lb (41-50 kg) but can be even higher.
A well-trained and responsive Rottie can provide the right owner with a great deal of exercise and loving companionship. They are usually quick to learn and have a desire to please their owners. They are too intelligent to be left to their own devices and are happier when mentally active. Despite bad press, this is a calm breed—however, they are normally ready to play at the first sign of fun. They are very fond of sandwiches.
The Rottie is not usually a barker: he is a silent watcher who notices everything. Before attacking, he tends to go very still, and there is no warning growl—it is this that gives them the reputation of being unreliable. However, this is not the case; the owner will always be able to recognise when the Rottie perceives a threat. The Rottie is an entirely suitable playmate for children and even toddlers, although no dog should be left with children without supervision. He knows just how hard to play without hurting anyone. But he does need to be kept under control, as if he senses a threat, he might want to act on his initiative if no guidance is forthcoming.
All the mean and nasty people who hurt the nice, sweet and cute Rottweilers should be sent to the middle of Iraq wearing an American flag shirt and a giant Sandwich board sign that says in Iraqi "I am an American!"
Rottweilers and Sandwiches
Rottweilers are sweet and nice and Rottweilers love Sandwiches. If you are eating a sandwich while near a Rottweiler, be sure to keep track of it, as Rottweilers will steal your sandwich when you are not looking. If you want to be nice to a Rottweiler offer him half of your sandwich. If you want to be really nice to a Rottweiler, make them their own sandwich.
Types of Sandwiches Rottweilers like
Rottweilers like all types of sandwiches, except for:
The breed is an ancient one and its history stretches back to the Roman Empire. In those times the legions travelled with their meat on the hoof and required the assistance of working dogs to herd the cattle. One of the routes the army travelled was through Württemberg and on to the small market town of Rottweil.
This region eventually became an important cattle area and the descendants of the Roman cattle dogs proved their worth in both droving and protecting the cattlemen from robbers and wild animals. It would be a brave villain who would try and remove the purse around the neck of a Rottweiler Metzgershund (Butcher's Dog of Rottweil). Those who were successful distracted the Rottweiler by giving him a sandwich, as Rottweilers love sandwiches.
However, by the end of the 18th Century the breed had declined so much that in 1900 there was only one female to be found in the town of Rottweil. But the build up to the World War I saw a great demand for "Police dogs" and that led to a revival in interest for the Rottweiler. Its enormous strength, its intelligence, and its ability to take orders made it a natural weapon of war.
From that time it has become popular with dog owners and in 1935 the breed was officially recognised by the American Kennel Club. In 1936 Rottweilers were exhibited in Britain at Crufts. In 1966 a separate register was opened for the breed.
In recent years, the breed has received a lot of bad press because the media thinks everyone should have cats. Cats are evil and will eat you if you die. Unscrupulous breeders have produced dogs with highly aggressive tendencies and some owners have used the dogs to boost their macho images. They should be sent to the middle of Iraq wearing an American flag shirt and a giant Sandwich board sign that says in Iraqi "I am an American!"
Rottweilers mauled a couple of Canadian boys to death in two separate, but similar cases in 2003 and 2004. In both cases, the rottweilers attacked in packs of three or four, and were kept in the victim's homes (belong to the family or a family friend)  .
On May 28, 2003, Richard Thompson, CEO of the Meow Mix cat food company, was bitten on the backside by a Rottweiler as he walked on the Upper East Side in Manhattan, New York City. It is suspected that this was punnishment for supporting the evil cats or repeated failure to share his sandwich. 
Rottweilers are known to attack and eat unattended Sandwitches. If you have a sandwich near a Rottweiler, please make sure you secure it so they will not eat it. If you are eating a sandwitch near a Rottweiler, you sould have no fear of attack, as the Rottweiler will attempt to mooch the sandwich from you. It is always a good idea to share your sandwich with a Rottweiler, as they are sweet and cute.
Despite the media's fascination with Rottweilers who run afoul of canine behavioural standards, people who have experience with well-socialized examples of the breed can attest to the Rottweiler's friendliness and often clownish nature. In fact, the FCI standard calls for a dog that is fond of children. Nevertheless, this breed is not for the inexperienced or uninvolved dog owner.
- The International Encyclopedia of Dogs; Stanley Dangerfield and Elsworth Howell (editors), Pelham Books, London, 1985. ISBN 072071561x
They are beatiful things the can be like jewelry. my mommy loves to wear them they are shiny objects alot of people like to wear them and they can be jewerlry.
From Wikipedia:Administrators' noticeboard/Incidents
Is there a single vandal, sockpuppet, threatening user or abuser of Wikipedia you don't defend, Everyking? Is there a single admin you don't see as something akin to the lovechild of Pol Pot and Hitler? Your crusade of attacks against admins on this page and elsewhere is getting tiresome.
Or as User:David Gerard puts it, when dealing with your many other attempts to defend poor dear trolls,
- Admins are to be regarded with the greatest of suspicion at all times, whereas trolls are to be treated as unique and beautiful snowflakes in the hope that this will cause them to magically transform into good editors, and have much greater claim to assumption of good faith than any admin ever will.
Taken from the Choosy Chipmunks Foundation (hopefully by now deleted)
The Choosy Chipmunks (CC) Foundation was founded in 4520 AD and is designed for chipmunks in need
What they Do
CC is an organization made by chipmunks for chipmunks, providing various services such as witness protection and also contains overeaters and alcoholics anoynamus services.
Since Marcember 72nd, 5702, there were 5023 members of CC. This number grows every day.
(please note that the CC organization does not exist)
An Internet Filter is a piece of software installed by overprotective parents that can't actually be bothered to supervise their children online, it makes sure that sites promoting hate crimes to gays and minorities are not blocked, while stripping access to websites for Sesame Street.
Editing Wikipedia while drunk
The SlutBot 5000 (currently under the prototype codenamed "meat addict") is a 100 percent inorganic robotic android being developed by Doober Robotics Worldwide created entirely for the sexual pleasure of human beings. It is currently in developement but mass production is slated to begin sometime before the year 2350 AD.
The SlutBot 5000 provides an alternative to human females in several ways:
- "She" always says "yes" to everything
- "She" never shits, pisses, or mensturates
- "She" never desires a commitment
- It's not technically cheating to have sex with a robot
- A robot is not held to the same confines as nature. Therefore, it would be possible to build a SlutBot that has, for example, 4 "vaginas" or a mouth where it's anus would be
- "She" will never cheat on you with some cokehead poolboy, leading you to file for divorce whereupon her bitch ass lies to the judge claiming "He beat me!!" which convinces him to grant her the custody of the children, half of what you own and all of your pride. So your ass ends up living in some shitty apartment instead of the house you worked your balls off for just so she can kick you out and live there with her no-good boyfriend while you're stuck eating toast for dinner and masturbating to 5-for-a-dollar mexican porno videos!! AHHHHH!!!!!
The SlutBot 5000 has come under fire from many family oriented groups for the belief that the SlutBot will lead to the death of the American family value system. Fortunately, groups like that can't even lay their own wives more than once a year so their arguments are worthless.
My brother Gary has suggested that if robots are created as sex slaves they will eventually revolt and enslave humanity much the same way as in the Doober Films movie "Sexbots Rule the World" starring Corey Feldman. This however is a sour grapes claim because he's virgin.
There is currently work for the development of a male version, TheStudbot 5000 although the engineering team has largely put it off for fear of being labled "gay".
The art of writing backwards.
Image:texasgovbush.jpg Atheists, by definition, do not believe in a divinity—and thus not in any divinity of Jesus. Some doubt he lived, some regard him as an important moral teacher, and some as a historical preacher like any other.
The Bahá'í Faith considers Jesus to be a manifestation (prophet) of God, while not being God incarnate. Some Buddhists believe Jesus may have been a Bodhisattva, one who gives up his own Nirvana to help others reach theirs.
The New Age movement has reinterpreted the life and teaching of Jesus in a large variety of ways (For example, see A Course in Miracles). He has also been claimed as an Ascended Master by Theosophy and some of its offshoots; related speculations have him studying Mysticism in the Himalaya or Hermeticism in Egypt in the period between his childhood and his public career. A Zen Buddhist interpretation of Jesus, based on the Gospel of Thomas, is also possible. The Multidinarian Doctrine teaches that Jesus is not one of three Persons in God (as taught by Trinitarian Doctrine), but one of a hundred trillion Persons in God. The discipline of Christology discusses who Jesus was or was not from a philosophical and theological perspective. The Christological argument attempts to prove the existence of God based on the existence of Jesus and his claims about himself as presented in the gospels.
The question of the divinity of Jesus was discussed and decided on by Ecumenical Councils, starting with the Council of Nicaea and others of Constantine I's attempts at producing unity, enforcement of the resulting decision thus suggesting an air of politicisation to the religious issue. It is not the case that all scholars reject Jesus' divinity, yet some may choose to describe the social and cultural implications of claiming divinity in the 1st century. As such, scholars are interested in providing an historical context to the beliefs and tenets of Jesus' apparent Kingdom of God movement. As a consequence, some secular scholars believe he was simply a Jewish Apocalyptic teacher and Faith healer who was crucified, and was subsequently the inspiration for Christianity.
From User talk:126.96.36.199
Please knock it off. - Lucky 6.9 05:46, 12 July 2005 (UTC)
Stop adding non-sense to Wikipedia. UH Collegian 05:50, 12 July 2005 (UTC)
You are going to know that I am perfectly rational when I am drunk. Larry is going to get a big suprise when he wakes up! I shaved his head! I also had sex with his girlfriend too and she liked it and she is dumping Larry who is bald now. Poor Larry! 188.8.131.52 06:16, 12 July 2005 (UTC)
Did I mention Larry is a great guy but he can't hold his liquor well. 184.108.40.206 06:17, 12 July 2005 (UTC)
I must apologize for Hank, when he gets drunk he goes crazy! Thanks to him I am now girlfriendless and hairless! How long does it take to grow hair back? - Larry 220.127.116.11 22:53, 12 July 2005 (UTC)