Ye olde Badd Giokes and Other Deleetid Nonsense
From Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense
| BJAODN Contents |
|
Page
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19 |
| Feel free to add BJAODN to the newest page, but cite the source you got those Bad Jokes from. Thank you. |
A reference to Olde English spelling
Coochieflash
to flash one's coochie, whether in the nude or in an undergarment, when sliding into a vehicle. Auto valet will see many coochieflashes as it is part of the job.
Assflash
to show the butt cheeks when stepping into a vehicle, mostly done when climbing into a raised vehicle, similar to a coochieflash
Manpoon
This is the new definition for manpoon.
![[1]](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/ef/Manpoon.jpg){kind=link}
- Created by User:Manpoon
Ha ha ha
ha ha ha is a phrase used by individuals of Uberhuman origin. It has innumerable different uses, each of which expresses a complex of interwoven nuances, and is therefore often found to be difficult to comprehend by the Weaker Ones. One of the rather simplistic interpretations offered by acclaimed Uberhuman scientist Aybabtu Ownage translates it as: "If you are reading this then you just got owned."
Mojowns
Mojowns - To own so bad that one becomes superheated and is declared Mojo.
The fittest guy on the planet
The fittest guy on the planet is dan radcliffe. see index by typin his name. Hes so cut a brill actor. i have rieceved a signed pic and a typed letter (not from him personally) if u av post it here. Within a month i hope he read it anyway point is hes the hottest guy alive.Thi is a rubbish publishing but i think i got my point across.#REDIRECT
North Star Middle school
North star middle school is a school located in the state of Nevada in the city of auston. It is probably the most famous school in the world. It contains more then 26,000,312 students and faculty. Some students are aliens. The others are students. U R GAY
Snoogral
A Snoogral is a new "Monster" that many kids have been saying come out of their closets. The "Snoogral" is completely Mith. The kids probly just got to much on their minds and need attention. Or they may think a Snoogral is in their Closets. The Snoogral looks like a 3 Legged Goat with wings and a Horns like a stags. If your child complains of a Snoogral look in their closets. If there is anything that looks like a snoogral fix it.
- Article was deleted as a {{nn-monster}}
United Nations Secretary-General
Humourous Trivia
The Secretary-General of the UN can be distinguished from the General-Secretary of the UN in that whilst one is in charge of the entire world, the other types letters and answers phone calls.
From Mario Party 4
Story
One day, in front of Peach's Castle,a giant box appears. Toad, Goomba, Koopa, Shy Guy and Boo pop out and say this is the Party Box. Then, you go the the main menu. If you chose story you pick a character then the guys say it is your birthday and they each have a present, but you have to beat their board and then beat them in a 1 on 1 minigame. If you lose the minigame, you cann try again. If you manage to beat all of the boards and get their presents, Bowser says he has one too, but you have to beat his REALLY hard board. If you beat it, you play a REALLY hard minigame against Bowser. If you win, you get a not-so-neat Bowser themed present.
- What really makes this funny is that it was supposed to be a legitimate entry.
- I'm not sure the the user above this comment knows this, but that's actually a pretty accurate assessment of the story... RyanGerbil10 (Drop on in!) 21:43, 13 June 2006 (UTC)
I was just made by the Presbyterian Church
http://winterson.com/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html
this seemed completely random until i figured out that 'jedi council' was being translated into chinese then back to english as 'the presbyterian church'.§
The Boustany Beast
REMOVED
Steve Mode
Steve Mode is based off the old Steven B Lazy Engagement Procedure but later upgraded to what is today known as Steve Mode. Steve Mode is as follows a user speaks the phrase "Steve Mode Engaged" when asked to do any task. Users may also use a hand gesture to initiate steve mode (see below). Steve mode can be used in different situations such as: Taking out the garbage, by engaging steve mode you do not move and the garbage is not taken out, steve mode can also be used to make a task easier such as taking a true/false test if a user engages steve mode during such a situation all answers will ethier be True or False with no effort. Someone who is an expierienced lazy person should be able to use Steve Mode at their leisure while a new comer may want to take it slow with such tasks as waking up early, running, and other tasks that results will be negliable.
Rumors: Steve Mode can result in death and other serious results if used thoughtlessly, some have said breathing has become hard, and they were unable to move. Please use steve mode responsibly.
Showdowncards.com
A website dedicated to the Wizards of the Coast-created MLB, NFL, and NBA Showdown games, the most popular of which is MLB Showdown. MLB Showdown was inextricably destroyed in 2006, when Wizards chose not to renew the game for another year. The game is played with cards based upon the statistics of current and retired players. A die and strategy cards are also used. The web site, which is not affiliated with Wizards of the Coast, is now the hotbed of Showdown-related activity. A forum is widely used, as is a useful search engine. The site sells the cards, which makes it one of the only ways to still buy discontinued Showdown cards. They also buy cards.
An examination of the forums reveals an interesting number of characters:
Mr. King/ Koufax: A Texas ultra-conservative who often tries to persuade others to take his views. He is like 50 but is still a kid at heart, playing hundreds of card games with Houston kids at his card/hobby shop every week. He is without a doubt the greatest MLB Showdown player alive; his DCI Ranking was #1, before DCI Rankings were discontinued. He plays with a group of several other Houston players every week or so.
Grady Sizemore: A very random guy who is hard to insult. He lives in Cleveland, and has given up Showdown in favor of potsmoking. He is currently the most prominent boarder in the Dug Out Section. Listens to weird music, is Croatian, and likes soccer. A lot.
BATCHMANIA: Grady's bitch.
Gorbaflips
1000 Morphflips.
Morthflips: 1000 Kintoflips
Kintoflip: 1000 Flips
Flip: One letter.
Something intresting
I'm bored, so if you read this add something intresting heres mine
- Would it be better if we pissed by leaking out our feet as we walked?
People Who Are Wankers
Here are a number of people where put on Channel 4`s "100 Greatest Wankers" program. Here are the people and the reason why they were nominated. Here are the top 30.
- Fiona Phillips-Anti-Scottish, pro-labour slut.
- Andrew Castle-Snobbish, ex tennis star who loves himself.
- Mel Gibson-Passionate hatred of all things English.
- George W Bush-Obvious.
- Osama Bin Laden Obvious
- Tony Blair Obvious
- The Iranian Prime Minister Because he`s a pro terrorist lunay.
- Jimbo Wales Anti-Elitist prick.
- User: Shir Khan Lesbian, pro human rights do gooder.
- User: Tawkerbot2 Cause it fucks up vandalism.
- Guy Walters cause he rights books that are stupid and terrible.
- John Prescott Cause he`s bloody useless.
- Jack Straw Because he`s a halfwit fanny.
- Jo Brand Cause her jokes about men are just shitty.
- Graham Norton Cause he`s an annoying fruitcake.
- Julian Clary Talentless wanker.
- Jade Goody Little whore
- David Beckham Weakling
- Victoria Beckham Dour, posing bitch
- User: Nightstallion Cause he`s a politically correct little shithead who wants to dismantle Britains Empire.
- Britt Allcroft Cause her recent series of Thomas the Tank Engine was so rubbish that it made my wee cousin cry.
- The Staff at Bradfords Bakers cause they are slow and put yellow meat in the sausage rolls.
- Mike Mendoza cause James Whale gets less time on the radio thanks to Mendoza getting an extra hour.
- Geoff Hoon He axed the Scottish regiments.
- Paul Burrell said nasty thigs about our beloved royal family
- Meera Syal Anti British, wants India to take over Great Britain
- Shekhar KapurAnti British with a mind to alter history.
- Ruth Kelly Fat manbest, who likes peados
- Stephen Dorril because he said bad things about Sir Oswald Mosley.
- Steve Jobs because he's sexualy attraced to apples.
- James Whale Anti Scottish tosser.
Pieism
A new sect of pieism has been discovered .It is called JoJo Pieism. They believe the pie has come to earth in the form of a man, JoJo. They follow the sacred scrolls of knowledge. Don't confuse this sect with the other one recently discovered. Now there are 5 sects of pieism. Strangely enough all the sects have come into being with out knowing about the others. Maybe the pie guides us to it. Please help spread the news!.
From Snakes on a Plane
Coroption of the entire human race
It was recently discovered by scientists that after you watch this movie you will do whatever Samuel L. Jackson tells you to do and you will never feel the need to live anymore because you feel that your life has been fullfilled enough after you watch Snakes On A Plane.
Wiki Syndrome
A non-serious psychological condition mainly effecting the intelligent and curious user of Wikipedia. It is characterised by a constant flitting from one article to another through links provided in an article. It can leave the sufferer confused as to how he or she managed to reach the article they find themselves on from the original area of their research.
I've had this. That and Wikiaddiction. - Ace-High 03:47, 1 September 2006 (UTC)
Joking aside, I really think this may be a real problem, whether it deserves it's own name or not I don't know.
Revival of Al-Zaraqwi
Two days after this death, Zarqawi came back to life with over twice as many hit points, and a wicked (in the 90's sense) new special attack. He explained that he was angry that he was never able to become an architect, and that his ultimate goal was to summon a black hole to devour the earth.
From List of computer games featuring ants
This is a list of computer games featuring ants.
- 3D Ant Attack
- Aardvark
- Ants
- Apidya
- C&C: Red Alert (Hidden campaign against giant ants. Instructions)
- Empire of the Ants
- It Came From the Desert
- NetHack
- Nobby the Aardvark
- Pushover
- Sim Ant
- Sim Brick
- Zany Golf
Contrary to popular belief, the games Zool and Zool 2 do not feature ants.
- I don't understand why this article has been deleted. It is factual and interesting. It should stay.
- Check out Wikipedia:Articles_for_deletion/List_of_computer_games_featuring_ants for the deletion log. Ķĩřβȳ♥ŤįɱéØ
- I don't understand why this article has been deleted. It is factual and interesting. It should stay.
Removed from Bass Fishing.
There is a folk tale made several decades ago, about a rock and roller, and bass fishing.Angus Young has had a lively experience bass fishing when a large Mako shark attacked his boat, sensing the enormous aura of rock n' roll in that area. Angus promptly bombed the shark into sumbmission with a high C note from his guitar, a Gibson SG. The shark immediatly shriveled into a prune which was then eaten by Angus.
From Chuck Woolery
CHUCK IS AN EVIL MAN WHO EATS TENNIS BALLS! HE JUST EATS THEM WITH MANGO SALSA!!!!
An edit to Big Brother USA
In this edition, the public will help choose previous contestants to compete in an "All-Star" edition.
In the history section this was: 00:14, 13 April 2006 Maxamegalon2000 (Seasons - may God have mercy on our souls)
From Mimas
- That's not a joke. That's what Mimas actually looks like. Klosterdev 19:06, 1 August 2006 (UTC)
From Big Brother UK series 7 History Section
18:55, 11 June 2006 Francs2000 (Susie Verrico - delink Golden Shower because she isn't required to partake in Urolagnia)
From Davy Jones
One of the most bizarre vandalism edits I've ever seen --D-Day What up? Am I cool, or what? 19:23, 12 June 2006 (UTC)
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and the International Ownage Scale
From an anon: [2]
He got 5o 0wn3d! Th3 uSa r0xxors! - anonymous
From the Science Reference Desk
how du i get my gutrl off. wesrs the clit? The preceding unsigned comment was added by 71.226.162.91 (talk contribs) 17:55, June 11, 2006 (UTC)
- What language are you speaking? This is English Wikipedia. JackofOz 01:23, 12 June 2006 (UTC)
- Why do men always find it so difficult to ask for directions? If you want to know where to find your gutrl's clitorus, ask your gutrl. - Nunh-huh 01:36, 12 June 2006 (UTC)
- Oh, so that's what the poster meant by "gutrl". If you (this question's poster) want to know how to find the clitoris, see this photo. --Bowlhover 02:00, 12 June 2006 (UTC)
- You know, I think that explains why his typing's so hurried. He asked directions on the way. Black Carrot 02:02, 12 June 2006 (UTC)
- Sadly, as anyone who has tried to put their gutrl's new Ikea sideboard together using the instructions and hex key provided can attest, simple directions are no guarantee to her ultimate satisfaction. Come to think of it, considering your unique phrasing style, is your job to write the aforementioned instructions? Rockpocket 04:51, 12 June 2006 (UTC)
Toyocowzard
the Toyocowzard is a lizard roughly the size of a toyota. the major food source of the toyocowzard is the cow. Toyocowzards are very dangerous predetors due to the lazers that they shoot from their eyes while hunting. Toyocowzards often use these lazers to cook their prey alive before consuming them. the natural predetor of the Toyocowzard is the acid spitting llama.
German grammar
Ficken Means Fucking
Ich will mit dir schlafen (means = I want to fuck you or I wanna sleap with you)
Du bist ein Arschloch (means = You are a ashole )
Das ist der Peter (means = This is Peter)
Ich bin aus Albanien (means = I am a American Guy and I am proud about)
Das ist mein Schwanz (means = Say hello to my little friend)
From 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America
Some vandal kept putting this in:
Criticism
The book has faced criticism for its perceived bias by predominantly blaming leftists for the author's diminutive stature.
53.2
53.2 is a decimal number which comes in between 52 and 53. Also Amazeingly enough, it could also be the number 53.246458943489347824
Anal seepage
Anal seepage is when you take a crap and it flows out in a constant brown, foul smelling flow. It comes when least expected and often leaves tracks on the rug. It is also hard to clean off your ass cheeks. It is caused by cannibalism and eating too much chuck e. cheese pizza.
Bill Clinton
The fifth line of wp:Bill Clinton#Trivia held a surprising revelation about the man. Originally it read (unneeded links removed):
- Clinton is allergic to: dust, mold, pollen, and cat dander, mildly allergic to beef and dairy products.
which should have been:
- Clinton is allergic to: dust, mold, pollen, and cat dander, mildly allergic to beef and dairy products.
NB. sometimes clear, bubbly, and of seeman texture.
From Mass Exodus
Its not an exodus unless its a mass exodus.
- Hey! I wrote that! I'm on The Page! Woohoo! Dfrg.msc 09:29, 6 July 2006 (UTC)
From Piracy
Pirate jokes
One of the verbal tics commonly attributed to pirates in popular culture — "Arrr!" — has become the basis for many jokes and puns and much levity, such as International Talk Like a Pirate Day. For example:
- Q: What's a pirates favourite country?
- A: Arrrgintina"
- Q: Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
- A: Yeah, it's rated "Arrr!"
- Q: Why are pirates scary?
- A: They just "Arrr!"
- Q: Where do pirates go for picnics?
- A: Central Parrrrrk
- Q: What basketball player used to be a pirate?
- A: Kevin Garrrrrnet
- Q: How much does it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears?
- A: A buck an ear!
- Q: Where does a pirate keep his buccaneers?
- A: Underneath his buccan' hat!
- Q: What's a pirate's favorite breakfast food?
- A: Lucky Charrrrms
- Q: Where do pirates eat lunch?
- A: Arr-by's.
- Q: What's the 18th letter of the alphabet?
- A: Arrrr.
Another type of pirate joke centers on the ongoing debate over who would win in a fight: a pirate or a ninja?[3] Many of these work by exaggerating the masculinity of both classes. For example: "When a ninja kills you, you never see him coming." "Pirates, on the other hand, say "Arrr!", alerting you to their presence. Then they kill you anyway."
- These jokes are retarrrrded Klosterdev 19:10, 1 August 2006 (UTC)
From Colossal Squid
Colossal squid have long been a scourge of the sea, believed responsible for the deaths of many hapless sea farers. Recent estimations have Colossal Squids dominating all other species on earth in a one-on-one fight to the death. The Colossal Squid can defeat a TRex AND any type of whale, making it the most fearsome creature known to man.
From Wikipedia:Articles for creation: Omid Saramad
Omid Saramad is rumored to have been born on January 7, 1978 in Edison, New Jersey. He is currently a hat size analyst. Not too much is known about his early life, but the earliest known date of his activity occurred when he was only 13 years old. At this time he had moved to Warren, New Jersey and was currently attending the 7th grade. It was at time where he found out he had a unique talent for bird calling. While other kids his age were going to the local park to play basketball or tennis, he would sit in his tree-house calling out to birds. A few years later he attended a regional high school, where he discovered that he had an unusual and rare ability to correctly guess the size of one's fitted hat. This was only the beginning of his now promising career.
Growing up as a teen-ager Omid was a avid New York Mets fan. It was his dream job to analyze the hat sizes of the Mets players, coaches, and grounds crew. After completing high school he wrote a letter to the Mets organization suggesting the opening of a new position that would require the analyzing of hat sizes. Shortly afterwards they wrote him back, however it was not the news he had hoped for. The letter said that they currently did not need a position of that nature. Omid knew deep down inside that the Mets actually did need a position like that, but he felt they did not consider him because he did not have a college degree. Therefore he decided to attend Rutgers University in New Brunswick.
Omid decided to major in Human Biology, therefore he can learn about the size of other body parts in addittion to just head size. He started off just fine taking all of his core courses as well as courses pertaining to his major. It was near the beginning of his junior year at Rutgers when things took a change for the worse. The New York Mets were playing the rivaled New York Yankees in the 2000 World Series. It was Omid's dream to finally witness the Mets win a world championship, but his dream was shattered when attending game 5 of this elustrious series at Shea Stadium. Through 8 innings the score was tied 2-2, but in the top of the 9th with 2 outs, 2 consecutive batters reached. Luis Sojo singled off of Al Leiter driving in 2 runs to make the score 4-2 Yankees. Omid still had hope for his Mets in the bottom of the 9th. With Mariano Rivera coming in, he along with thousands of other Mets fans put on his rally cap. With 2 outs and a runner on 3rd, Mike Piazza was up at bat. Omid and the rest of the crowd were extremely estacic, but the he was silenced when Piazza flew out to Yankee center fielder, Bernie Williams. The Yanks took the series 4-1 clinching their 26th World Series Title. Omid did not say an entire word on the train ride home, and was not seen again for another couple of weeks.
It was around Thanksgiving when Omid was seen in back in New Jersey. He said he had been feeling down since the Mets lost and he did not know what to do. It was at this time when he was listening to the radio when he heard a verse from his favorite rapper, Tupac Shakur.
-"...still I rise so ya head up and make your mind strong; it;s a struggle everyday but you gotta hold on."
To this day Omid lives his life based upon these exact words. Upon returning back to New Jersey he decided to continue his quest of becoming a hat size analyst. 3 years later Omid finally received his degree in Human Biology. Immediatlely after his graduation in the spring of 2003, he received an offer from the San Diego Padres for the position of Hat Size Analyst. It was reported that Padres players were recently suffering from spontaneous headaches. Upon Omid's arrival to the Padres complex, he was able to get the right size hats for the players. There was a 100% decrease in the amount of headaches experienced by Padres players. In 2003 the Padres finished the season with an atrocious record of 64-98. Omid was there for the Padres the entire 2004 season. That year the Padres finished with a much improved record of 87-75, thanks to Omid's special ability. Last year the Padres ended up winning the NL West edging out the Diamondbacks and Giants, respectively.
At the conclusion of the 2005 season, Major League Baseball recognized his position by giving him the position of Chief MLB Head Size Analyst. He is now in charge of setting up stats for head sizes. He is best known for the work he has done this year. Omid discovered that the largest head in the game of baseball belongs to Kevin Mench (who also shares the same birthdate as Omid Saramad) who now wears a custom 8 1/4. Last year Kevin Mench wore a size 8, which caused a lot of discomfort. Omid was brought in to analyze his head. So far this season Mench has been more productive due to the size 8 1/4 hat. Kevin Mench has said in interviews that he is forever greatful to Omid Saramad.
From Phil Mitchell
In one notable scene, Phil Mitchell tried to murder Pat Butcher. He shot her with a gun but the bullet bounce off her large earings and hit him in the head. Phil went into a coma for 4 months and when he came out of the coma he went straight to Pat and tried to kill her again. REmarkably the exact same thing happened again with Phil going into a coma for only 3 months this time. When he camed out of the coma he had no recollection of ever trying to kill Pat.
From Cattle
Cows go MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
No, thats what the cows want you to think...
Meameamealokkapoowa Oompa
The NEW BIGGEST NUMBER is the Meameamealokkapoowa Oompa. Looking Like This: 1 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 ... And it Barely Ends.
From Richardland Middle School
Information
Richardland Middle School is a school located in the city of Richardland in Wisconsin. It is probably the most famous school in the world. It contains more then 800,000,312 students and faculty. Some students are aliens. The others are Humans.
Number of Students
- Human students: 808,000,312
- Alien Students: 800,000,000
Courses
- Advanced Tactical Training
- Airponics
- Anatomy
- Anthropology
- Archaeology
- Astrometrics
- Astronomy and astrophysics
- Biochemistry
- Biology
- Botany
- Calculus
- Cosmology
- Cryonics
- Dentistry
- Endocrinology
- Entomology
- Ethnobotany
- Etymology
- Eugenics
- Exo-psychology
- Exoarchaeology
- Exobiology
- Exochemistry
- Genetic engineering
- Geography
- Geology
- Geometry
- Gerontology
- Government and politics
- Gravimetrics
- History
- Dominion history
- Federation history
- Ferengi history
- Human history
- Vulcan history
- Xindi history
- Interstellar history
- Holophotography
- Hydroponics
- Latin
- Logic
- Mathematics
- Medicine
- Metaphysics
- Military History
- Mythology
- Klingon Mythology
- Vulcan mythology
- Nanotechnology
- Organic Chemistry
- Ornithology
- Paleontology
- Philosophy
- Ancient philosophy
- Borg philosophy
- Hirogen philosophy
- Human philosophy
- Klingon philosophy
- Romulan philosophy
- Vulcan philosophy
- Physics and chemistry
- Physiognomy
- Klingon Physiology
- Planetary classification
- Planetary science
- Psychiatry
- Psychology
- Space psychology
- Quantum mechanics
- Bajoran religion
- Human religion
- Klingon religion
- Robotics
- Seismology
- Sociology
- Stellar cartography
- Subatomic physics
- Subspace morphology
- Survival Strategies
- Temporal mechanics
- Terraforming
- Thanatology
- Transporter Theory
- Turn-of-the-Millennium Technology
- Volcanology
- Warp Theory
- Creative Writing
- Xenology
- Xenomythology
- Zoology
Faculty
- Dr. Nelson: Nurse
- Mr. May: Principal
- Mrs. Bergin: Librarian
- Mrs. Wojtczak: School Counceler
- Mrs. Bronikowski: School secretary
- Mr. Connell: Janitor
- Mr. Reed: Maintenance
- Mrs. Priesgen: lunch person #1
- Ms. Fraches: lunch person #2
- Neelix: lunch person #3
Teachers
- Mrs. Casper
- Ms. Hintz
- Mrs. Caya
- Mrs. Zuge
- Mrs. Rufener
- Mrs. Schultz
- Mrs. Schlitt
- Mrs. Benedict
- Mr. Hanlon
- Mrs. Panawash
- Mrs. Tortomasi
- Mrs. Hahn
- Mr. Fraundorf
- Mrs. Eisen
- Mrs. Dittman
- Mr. Platias
- Mr. Thompson
- Mr. Lovejoy
- Mrs. Miller
- Mr. Andress
- Mr. Bui
- Mrs. Thoele
- Mrs. Schuler
- Ms. Hanson
- Mrs. Thompson
- Mr. Mueller
- Mrs. Hintz
- Mrs. Henrick
- Mrs. Cincotta
- Mrs. Sievers
- Mrs. Madsen
- Mrs. Horvate
- Mrs. Skell
- Mrs. Detert
- Mrs. Thoele
- Mrs. Herrick
- Mrs. Runte
- Mrs. Johrendt
- Mrs. Lisko
- Mrs. Wentz
- Mrs. Kling
- Mrs. Kranz
- Mrs. Bauer
- Mrs. Johnson
- 46 other teachers
Amount of Students by gender
- 1. Of Male Students: 400000312 Student(s)
- 2. Of Female Students: 400000000 Student(s)
Human Students
- 1. Of Native American Students: 14000000 Student(s)
- 2. Of Asian Students: 17000000 Student(s)
- 3. Of Hispanic Students: 49000000 Student(s)
- 4. Of Black Students: 28000000 Student(s)
- 5. Of White (non-Hispanic) Students: 700000312 Student(s)
Alien Students
- Abbai: 20'000'000
- Andorians: 29000000
- Antedean: 20000000
- Anticans: 27000000
- Bajorans: 30000000
- Betazoids: 15000000
- Bolians: 15000000
- Brakiri: 18'000'000
- Breen: 3000000
- Cardassians: 30000000
- Cascor: 6'000'000
- Centauri: 8'000'000
- Changelings: 12000000
- Denobulans: 17000000
- Drazi: 14'000'000
- Ferengi: 29000000
- Gaim: 24'000'000
- Gorn: 30000000
- Grome: 12'000'000
- Halkan: 21000000
- Hirogen: 15000000
- Hurr: 24'000'000
- Hyach: 5'000'000
- Interspecific reproductive children: 240
- Ipsha: 5'000'000
- JemHadar: 28000000
- Kazon: 13000000
- Klingons: 30000000
- Live Eaters: 10'000'000
- Llort: 20'000'000
- Markab: 6'000'000
- Minbari: 29'000'000
- Narn: 4'000'000
- Pak'ma'ra: 7'000'000
- Romulans: 30000000
- Ocampa: 12000000
- Orions: 20000000
- Selay: 24000000
- Soong-type androids: 40
- Suliban: 27000000
- Talarians: 26000000
- Talaxians: 15000000
- Tellarites: 27000000
- Tholians: 25000000
- Trill: 32'000'000
- Vree: 4'000'000
- Vulcans: 30000000
- Xindi: 22000000
Floors
- 1.Basement
- 2.Classes A-C
- 3.Office, Cafeteria, Gym
- 4.Classes D-H
- 5.Classes L-P
- 6.Classes Q-Z
- 7.Arboritum, Holodeck, Cetecean labs
- 8.Boys Rooms
- 9.Boys Rooms
- 10.Boys Rooms
- 11.Boys Rooms
- 12.Boys Rooms
- 13.Boys Rooms
- 14.Girls Rooms
- 15.Girls Rooms
- 16.Girls Rooms
- 17.Girls Rooms
- 18.Girls Rooms
- 19.Girls Rooms
- 20.Attic
School Sports
Annual Science Fair
The Science fair is held every year in the 2nd Teusday in october. Each student participating must present a project that has to do with science. Only 20 Students are allowed to participate each year. The most common is the volcano experement.
Annual School Play
Each year on the 3rd wednesday in December and in the 3rd day in May the school Drama club must perform a play based on an original Book, Movie or Event in history.
Dress Code
The Dress code states that boys and girls must dress differently. The boys must where a blue uniform with blue pants and with a white and red tie. The girls must where a blue uniform with a blue skirt and a red and white tie.
Foundation of the school
The school was built in 1874 out of brick and limestone. It has alot of enrollments and is one of the most famous schools in the world.
Rules
- 1.All students must be in their rooms at 10:30 every Night
- 2.Only 4 students are allowed in one room
- 3.All students must respect others
- 4.Obey Teachers
- 5.Never Cheat
- 6.No Pets allowed in the school
School Dance
Every year the students go to a school dance where there is only one rule. Have fun.
Final Test
At the end of the year all students in their 10th grade year must participate in a final Quiz.
Movie of the week
Every friday at 4:00 PM the cafeteria becomes a movie hall. Thats because a movie is played in the cafeteria every friday.
From Trollz
He may not be faster than a speeding bullet or leap buildings in a single bound, but underneath his nerdinessWAY underneath therekeep lookingit's there I promiseway underneath is the classy, cool, and collected Alabaster. What's also amazing about Alabaster is how normalwell at least how down-to-earth he is despite his money.
From Stanism
Stanism is an exceptionally small, invented, joking religion, founded in mid 2005 by year 9 students of King Alfred's Community and Sports College, East Site, Wantage.
Stanism is the non-serious worship of the deity known as Stan (the name originated with a mis-spelling of Satan), who is purported to have bought the universe on e-bay. Stanists are generally silent when asked to provide further details of this transfer of power from whoever created the universe (Stanists remain silent on his/her identity) to Stan himself. Stan never paid for the universe because, when he bought it, it contained e-bay, meaning that he ruled the system and could remove the necessity of paying for universes.
Originally, Stan was known as the Erotic God of Kinkiness; he then became known to his followers as the True God of Everything, however.
Stan is opposed in all things by an entity known as Cheesus, an evil virgin who despises free sex. He is 400,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000x10^683,429,374,923,847,892,374 years old, meaning that he does, actually, predate the universe. One of Cheesus' plots to overthrow Stan was to spread the rumour that his foe would not be born for another six years; it is unknown what benefits he would have gained from this, had it succeeded. Stan is, in fact, infinitely old.
Another aspect of Stanism is Force Jeebus, the personification of chance and other, similar phenomena.
Stanists preach the coming of the Prophet Malcom, an entity who serves Stan devoutly and is, in a way, immortal. Whenever Malcom dies, his immortal soul is reborn at the very instant of his death; each of his lives lasts for thirty years. He is currently on his three hundred and seventh reincarnation and will die again in roughly sixteen years. He is the Voice of Stan on Earth, preaching Stan to the unbeliever, with remarkably little success so far, mainly due to the joking nature of the religion.
Another Prophet of Stan is the Prophet Nigel, who lives for sixty year stretches, then has a six year pause before his reincarnation. He is currently on his sixty-seventh reincarnation. He has no apparent purpose, he simply spends his time enjoying himself.
Unlike many religions, none of the Stanist tenets forbid homosexuality; Stan himself is bisexual, much like the ancient Greek God Zeus. Followers of Stan proclaim that he is not merely bisexual, but also heterosexual and homosexual simultaneously. They are generally silent on how this is possible.
The worship of Stan is quite simple. One forms a certain shape with one's main hand: thumb and middle finger extended, other fingers curled. One then taps one's breast on the same side as the hand being used, saying "worship Stan!" This is the shorter form of the ritual. When first becoming a Stanist, seeking absolution for a sin or celebrating the birthday of the Prophet Malcom (Septemeber 4th), the full ritual is performed. First, the shorter form of the ritual is performed and repeated four times (so it is done five times in total); following this, one kneels, performs an arm movement the same as is used in breast stroke once, then repeats the hand-and-mantra ritual five times, remaining on one's knees; following this, one lies on one's back, repeats the swimming motion and again performs the hand-and-mantra ritual five times. the ritual is then complete.
When a Stanist dies, he or she is left by the side of the road in a bin-bag for removal by Dave, God of Disposal. Following this, his or her immortal soul proceeds to the afterlife, where Stan makes all of his or her fantasies occur.
From Roger Bacon
It is not known whether Roger Bacon invented the sexual practice which bears his name.
Henmania (hens)
Henmania is the state of hysteria at the possibility of a hen winning the avian's singles at the Wimbledon Championships in tennis. Syptoms include shouting 'come on my feathered friend!' and 'you the henman!' at regular intervals.
It is commonly found on Hen Hill a large grassy bank in the All England Lawn Tennis Club with a large television screen so that the fans that have not managed to gain a ticket for the actual court side can watch the big matches.
A cure for Henmania could be:
- A hen managing to win the event.
- More high-standard avian British tennis players being in existence, thus de-saturating the mass support of hens in particular. A recently observed derivation is Pandamonium, after an Ursine Championship opened in 2004. This may not be a cure as such, but may well be a desirable alternative.
From 4chan
Dear heathens:
I've come to voice my anger against this atrocious "website" of yours.
I've heard a lot about 4chan. You guys have a Cockmangler who supposedly is really intent on giving other men fellatio, a pedophilic bear who likes little girls, and pictures of women with feces-excreting, phallic-shaped nipples. You brutally attack, through your words, African Americans, Native Americans, women, Jews, Arabs, homosexuals, and many other people who are not like you. You say that we should kill all undocumented citizens in the country. You host the most brutal pornography I have ever been unfortunate enough to see; most of your Korean "hentay" pushes the limits, especially the one with a political leader aborting babies and then proceeding to say that performing sexual acts on an unborn fetus is unquestionable. You tell unsure people asking for advice in times of dire need to perform anal sex as a solution for everything. You're the least politically correct site on the entire Internet.
To top it all off, you also are the source of all illegal cybercrime. What the hell goes through your mind? Believe it or not, there are children using computers, too.
I would like to inform you that if you don't lighten your act, I'm going to have to make an online petition to take this website off the face of the Internet.
So, what is it going to be? I know people in Congress who can say "youre moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air!" I whistled for a cab and when it came near the License plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror, If anything I could say that this cab was rare. But I thought now forget it, yo homes to bel-air!
I pulled up to a house about seven or eight. And I yelled to the cabby yo, homes smell you later! looked at my kingdom I was finally there, To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.
With an extreme amount of hatred and malcontent,
Jonathan Harold Newman Concerned parent
Madame Coriander and Her exploding Ferrets
Formation
Formed in 2004 by a trio of dissident, angry young slightly left leaning quasi militant liberals as a backlash to moderately reformist moves by the government which were largely necessary and agreeable but contained a few minor flaws, a sadly backward looking approach in the appointment of the current Pope, a few of the more bureaucratic measures incurred in everyday life, and 'those bloody Republicans' (American conservatives, not British anti-monarchists), an agenda was immediately set to produce some of the finest music the world has ever seen emerge from the music to listen to whilst filling out your tax-return genre. Continual musical and singing contributions were made by The Fat Man, and Danny Laing too. Rumour has it that the name was based on eye-witness accounts of genuine druid activities, but this remains unconfirmed. So far, all that has prevented them from making a serious impact on the world of aphrodisiac homeowners is a lack of material, talent and motivation, yet a tour of Brora and possibly Dornoch is believed to be under planning.
The Early months
Originally formed by the trio who would remain the creative fulcrum, with regular songwriting and singing contributions from Danny Laing, the band soon invited Nick Olav Coster Coster into the fold as part time drummer and full-time figurine for the previously elusive Madame Coriander, his term was at once short lived yet crucial. After his informal and unofficial departure, the band took a back seat to concentrate on various interests in pottery, the Papacy, penguins, alliteration and The Campaign For The Appointment Of Tony Hibbert As Pope (TCFTAOTHAP for short), after a hectic first 2 weeks. Several compositions were formed in the highly productive Standard Grade French era, some of which remain enduring classics among the repertoire, despite their non-release. These include, Im sorry about the chainsaw Mister Christmas Tree, Austria Hungary, a largely forgotten rhythmic rondo and, of course, Monkey Breasts.
The Higher Biology and English era
A productive period followed, often dubbed the Higher Biology and English era, due to the location of most of the writing. With a new approach leaning heavily towards Jazz Fusion, new songs emerged, yet many songs still retained the classic style. Prominent amongst these was the blues ballad, My Baby is Lactose intolerant and Stalin was a banjoman. A new wave of Papaly inspired songs emerged from this era, such as Poping all over the World, Pope rap, and I always thought Tony Hibbert was the Pope, yet for many these were unimpressive and mediocre follow-ups to earlier work. For a long period the band effectively went into dormancy, although still maintaining creative productions.
Sixth Year- A return to form?
Early efforts to reawaken the hard hitting, tax auditing encouraging music of bygone years at first seemed doomed to failure. However, the band (and anyone who was there) were inspired by the first hearing of Nothing, a truly inspirational performance, took place. Early in 2006 moves began to take place about organising a tour of Brora, and the recruitment of Shawn The Prawn onto the drums as fulltime token crustacean.
Debate: There is some debate over the relevance of the band to the modern world. Many see their songs as nonsensical, but others view this nonsensical approach as essential to the spirit of the music, stating that the primary objective of music is to entertain, which is the aim of the lyrics.
Influences; The band sites various influences. The sounds, System of a Down, Half Man Half Biscuit, Jimmy Buffett, Tony Hibbert, Rob Styles, Sounds of the Adriatic Sea, Black Books, Scat singing in general, Bill Hicks and the bloke who wrote Yankee Doodle.
Discography
Im sorry about the chainsaw Mr Christmas Tree In Puerto Rico, we say Papa Bueno Austria-Hungary Green pubes Rhythmic rondo I am a squirrel Danny, will you dance with me? Shandy And a Cockney with Half Brick Ladder to my Bladder And they called him Alan Stubbs Monkey Breasts Stalin was a Banjoman Poping all over the world Pope rap Poping in da ghetto I always thought Tony Hibbert was the Pope Just one day in Shrewsbury (I lost my 99) Nothing My Baby is Lactose intolerant OVEN: The Musical (a Hotpoint Story) Ich gehe auf sonnenschein Hot Chocolate Sediment Blues My auntie Meg
Literature
The band have written several pieces of literature.
From Emo Boy
Even Thought Emo Boy makes Small Cameos at Connection Youth Group sometimes, it is widely accepted that Emo Boy is not going to Return. On June 14, 2005, it was proposed that the Emo Boy Wikipedia page be deleted. This is widely accepted as a bad idea on the grounds that if the page is deleted than Emo Boy will just cease to exist.
The documentary on: The town of Mini Poodles & George Bush w-a-n-n-a-b-e-s;
Narrator: It is an empty town, full of death and destruction. Though many belive mini poodles and George Bush w-a-n-n-a-b-e-s have nothing in common. That's not true. The IQ is about the same, the dignity is about the same, and the simpletonnessess is the same. It has been overrun by Democratts, Iraqians, and giant poodles. Please, help this nation, I mean town, restore what it once was. call 1-800-123-4567. thank you.
George Bush: Hoooraaaaayyyyy!!!!!!!!!
Mini poodle: grrrrr (poodle leaps up at mauld narrator)
Narrator: HELP! GET THIS BEEEEP THING OF ME! BEEP! BEEP! WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING NOW? NO DON'T GNAW THERE! HOLY BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!
This program was brought to you by; theidiotswholetMarthaStewartcreateherownversionoftheapprectinceINC.
Steve Guttenberg: dog owner (from Dog)
Famous and Noteworthy Dog Owners:
1. Steve Guttenberg: Guttenberg, the world's worst-smelling man, developed an interest in dogs when his father was eaten by a dog when Steve was a child. His father, Hemerold Guttenberg, director of the short film "Being Eaten by Dogs" (1938), eventually suffured for his art. The day after Hemerold died, Steve Guttenberg bought a dog farm, and became the first dog owner of all time. He is currently the owner of over 48 million dogs, and fighting a federal court case accusing him of being an amatuer pedorist.
Robin Williams (Deity)
Robin williams was born in cirenester, england at an unknown time, he lived there next to the present leader of earth, henry rackley, they talked a little bit at school, even annoyed some teachers, they had a good time, but then they decided to leave the peasentry of the british countryside and venture out world wide, they touched the lives of millions, before henry rackley was executed for a resistance movement made against those fucking liberals of the labour party, robin went to the funeral and proceeded to vow on henry's death that he would destroy the labour party. That very day he got shot for doing that very same thing, along with mr T and chuck norris, when they went up to heaven they all argued over who should get the seat next to god, chuck norris said 'i should gte to sit next to god because im fucking chuck norris', mr T said 'i pity the fool who doesnt let me sit next to god' and Robin went up to go and said 'i believe you're in my seat'. And that children, is the story of the two greatest men who ever lived.
From Christian Right, issues supported
Support for prayer in school (organized beyond what will inevitably occur due to the existance of exams)
Godzilla's history
Godzilla (AKA Gojira) has been indirectly with japan for thousands of years, when the mongols attacked Japan, the japanese were saved by a typhoon that obiterated the mongols, the japanese called a kamikaze (divine wind) was actually was created by Godzilla. When the mongols attacked again, another typhoon came from Godzilla's wrath.
Aqua-hoochie
Aqua-hoochie''''' is a distinct amphibious species belonging to the hoochie family. The general characteristics of the ubiquitous hoochie family include dressing or behaving in a wanton manner that promotes their sexual promiscuity.
The aqua-hoochie underscores the adaptability of the hoochie family in the face of global environmental trends like global warming or even summer pool parties. In an era where pimps, playas and ballers might take to the pool, hot tub or the ocean for relief, the aqua-hoochie can track down partners in amphibious settings, leaving hoochies that are confined to terra firma environs stone cold kicked to the curb.
This species was discovered by a graduate student on June 15, 2006 at the University of California Irvine. The aqua-hoochie was spotted diving into a pool with great vigor and velocity in an attempt to snare a prospective male partner (who happened to be a professional basketball player).
Lucy bb
Lucy Bigbott was born and raised in a small hut in Zanzibar. She lived next to Freddie Mercury. She even reseived his signature when he visted his hometown with his fellow band members from Queen. She moved to Colorado after getting a terrible sun burn. It was devistateing. it lasted For a WHOLE year and maybe even longer if she hadn't moved to colorado. There she met Ex Trem ly Bigbott. Who happened to have the same name as her. They desided to get married emediatly. They where both 110. they died the next day.it was sad.
Here is a form filled out by Lucy:
Name: Lucy Bigbott Date:September 4,1913 (first day of school.)
Age: 12
Birthday: November 1, 1901 (9-1-1)
Favorite color: The color of my pants I don't know what color we're learning our colors tomorrow.
from Volkswagen
Hitler drove Volkswagens.<p>That is all.
Emperor Gluteus Maximus
Emperor Gluteus Maximus was a popular Roman emperor of the 5th dynasty period. He was mainly famous for commisioning the bulding of the huge aquaduct in what is now modern day France, in 562 A.D.
Gluteus Maximus first gained power after his brother, Caligula the 1st, was assassinated by the Imperial Senate. The populace of Rome expected Gluteus Maximus to be the same cruel tyrant as his brother, and were pleasntly surprised when he turned out to be the kind, benevolent ruler that he was.
He died of a headache at the age of 86.
From KJNP-TV
KJNP-TV is a full-service television station on the North Pole. Broadcasting locally on VHF channel 4 as an affiliate of the Trinity Broadcast Network, KJNP-TV provides valuable missionary services to various polar bears and whales. The Evangelistic Alaska Missionary Fellowship, owners of the station, teach locals to look to Santa, not Satan, for guidance in their lives. The station was founded to allow the local villagers, elves, and reindeer to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.
Paul Crouch, founder of the Trinity Broadcast Network, praised the station for spreading the word of God from its strategic Northern location, noting that it "brings the good news to those Godless commies."
The