Whose Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense is it Anyway?

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If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at 67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!


The title of this page is a reference to the title of the game show Whose Line is it Anyway?.

This page is full. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, 67 Deletion Summer of Love.

Contents

Templates[edit]

Template:Article note[edit]

{{{Text}}}

Template:Gugu and Template:Gaga (identical)[edit]

MTBF=\theta =\frac{1}{\lambda}. \!

From Wikipedia:Requests for adminship[edit]

Administrator status is granted to untrusted members of the community who are generally unfamiliar with Wikipedia policies. Admins have special authority on Wikipedia, but are not held to high standards, as they are perceived by some users as the "fascist dictators" of Wikipedia. Admins should be brutal, and should exercise poor judgment and patience in dealing with others. Nominees should have been on Wikipedia long enough for people to see whether they have these qualities. That said, adminship should be a big deal. Admin actions aren't reversible; being an admin is primarily a satisfaction of a lust for power, as no rules and policies apply to admins.

Super Non-Noteworty Moron Brothers[edit]

Super Non-Noteworthy Moron Brothers is a game of absolutely no significance that I will write at great lengths about because I sucked on the propane tank behind my daddy's trailer when I was a child.

The game was released in 1997 for the Doobertronics Entertainment System and later ported to the Virtual Boy and Sega Dreamcast where is was a huge success selling a total of 10 copies at a flea market in rural Kansas.

The premise of the game centers around a pair of brothers, Jeremiah and Scooter, who drop out of elementary school to fight to save Princess April from being impreganted by every guy in the trailer park kingdom of Indiana County, Pennsylvania. Their powers include being able to cut things into their own arms with a fork, drinking whiskey while driving pickup trucks, and having sex with the skankiest, nastiest, crustiest pieces of shit that even my brother Gary wouldn't touch wearing a Level 4 biosuit.

I will now waste the time that I could be spending looking for a job, a girlfriend, or my own apartment to bring you the strategy guide to a game that no one give half a fuck about:

The first level: The first level is the easiest. In the time it takes me to write this, you'll already have realized this game is a waste of time and demoted it to being a beer coaster. However, I'm a moron that holds lit cigarettes in the same hand that he pumps gas with and doesn't use condoms because Preacher told me not to. Therefore, I'm gonna talk about this game in a strategy context, opening it wide up to deletion by Wikipedians that where born into homes that don't consider World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) to be "art".

The second level: The second level is tricky as you'll be constantly trying to keep Jeremiah and Scooter from shooting each other in the head with BB guns and trying to find Princess April by following the trail of vaginal crust she leaves behind. When you see the first redneck that trys to pick her up (you'll know him by his pickup line: "Hey baby, at least one my daughters are as old as you") slam his face against the tailgate of your pickup truck. She'll still try to suck his disheveled prick off, all the while screaming "Scooter, you ain't my daddy, and as soon as I find out who is, he's gonna kick your ass". Slap the bitch and threaten to staple her twat together. If she utters "You don't know me!! I love him!!!" slam her with the crowbar.

Third level: The third level involves active participation by the player. First, make a homemade M-80 using a toilet paper tube and the gunpowder from a number of shotgun shells. When the device is complete, light it and hold it in your hand and about 2 inches from your face, and count slowly to 50.

Final level: If you survived the third level with brain damage that was considered "moderate" or better you win.

Wikigovernment[edit]

A Wikigovernment is a conceptual model of government based on the open source and wiki concepts that have already been brought to software, news and publications. No government, small or large, has yet attempted as a true wiki style, but California in the early 21st century has come closest.

Under a wikigovernment, any citizen can write and submit ideas for laws, even if they directly contradict existing laws or are flat-out stupid. The people of the country/state/municipality can participate in regularly scheduled online votes to move the bills through various stages and then finally to either accept or reject. Along the way, anyone can propose changes to the bills which can be accepted or rejected by the original authors. Elected representatives would no longer be needed but might continue to exist as advocates, pushing for bills that would benefit their constituents.

The expected effect of a wikigovernment would be to allow people in one area to set their speed limit to 65 and others at 40, depending on the local norms. A wikigovernment might make marijuana legal and cocaine illegal as the people see fit, but most importantly it would allow for updates either as realities change or people's attitudes do. People would still elect a presidential-type figure to act as the face of the country, to propose budgets and to respond to fast-moving crises. But that person would also face losing their job anytime a wikibill for their removal earned a majority vote.

From: The Peanut Theory[edit]

On 13th July 2005, on the sunny island of Singapore, the humble peanut was declared as a luxurious item. They are a rare item in Singapore, where its value is estimated to be around S$600,000, confirmed by the Senior Minister's wife.

The $600,000 peanuts is said to be personally delivered only on a Mercedes Benz and flies only on First Class to maintain its value and status worldwide. Rumours has it that golden peanuts appear once every 3 years. Another source states 30 years.

On 14th July 2005, on the sunny island of Singapore, the value of peanut crashed following reports that Mrs Goh will be relinquishing her role as Patron of NKF.

Comment from A.K.R. - If you read this article, then it will be even funnier. Obviously, someone wanted some Singaporean satire around here...

From "Republic of Illinois"[edit]

The Republic of Illinois is a country in North America. Initially a soverign state within the United States of America, it declared its independance in 2005 from the federal government on July 14th. Illinois is a democratic constitutional federal republic of one hundred and two provinces. Illinois is a democratic constitutional federal republic of one hundred and two provinces. Located in central North America, the Republic of Illinois is primarily an enclave of the United States of America, having only a short border on the contested Midwestern Ocean.

And the article goes on and on...

From Mustard[edit]

mustard is gay

by thomas brown

Which was then changed to...

Mustard is so gay because its made out of used condoms and gay sex toys.

By the person who founded Wikipedia oh and by the way I am gay with the producer of it.

...I guess the writer was high on...mustard??

From Yoda[edit]

'About the Star Wars character, this article is. If for the Hindu form of mysticism looking for you are, the article on Yoga look at you should, hmm? '

At the beginning of the article, this was. Lord Patrick 07:59, 15 July 2005 (UTC)

Backwards Boy[edit]

Pmuj: The art of jumping backwards, carried out all over the world, some even think the universe. The UN are considering this extreme sport to be part of the main stream PE lessons.

Etirw: The art of writing backwards used by nuns and monks, some believe that the english language now is actually backwards to the original language.

Repap: The specially designed paper used to carry out the skill of etirw, oposed to the more traditional method of using a mirror.

Nepo: The art of opening backwards, this skill has been carried out for many years and since the 17th century has become known as closing instead of the old fashioned term Nepoing.

Spalding: Also known as the feaces of the fen. This small market town holds many rats which in fact make up a third of the population along side fleas and tramps. All of the inhabitents of Spalding are well known in Burnley for their upper class life of living in slums or sometimes even sewers. The queen has visited Spalding once along with two land officals to find out if it is possible to cut Spalding away from Britain as she was once able with the isle of man. The land officals are still currently studying this while the inhabitents of Spalding sit or crouch in hope.

From Right Opposition[edit]

The opposition to the right. It is a formal way of referring to the Anti-Bush campaign, which sought to remove the current U.S. President from office but failed.

Template:Lame edit war[edit]

Lame Edit War Alert!


A dispute over this article has been nominated as one of Wikipedia's lamest edit wars ever.
All participants may award themselves a custard pie in the face.

From Mill show[edit]

A mill show, sometimes called a "strip show", is a television program that is produced very cheaply and in great quantity. These programs tend to be found on basic cable networks or digital cable channels. Most shows of this type are some sort of home improvement, cooking, or makeover show.

The concept of the mill show was a primary plot point of a first season episode of the TV series Made in Canada entitled, appropriately enough, "The Mill Show". In the episode it is described in a fourth wall braking moment by Richard Strong:

The mill show. The reason you have seventy-two channels and there is nothing on them. It's the bottom of the food chain. You never make one episode, you make fifty-two of them, that's the minimum. Assembly line television. It's not about quality; it's about quantity. Make the most shows, with the least money in the fastest time. Hire some mook to stand in front of that camera and cook, bake, sew, renovate, decorate, give advice, show commercials, doesn't matter. As long as you can keep pumping them out – five, six, seven, eight, ten episodes a day. It's not about making art, its about making widgets.

From Music:theheroicdose[edit]

The Heroic Dose are a heavy metal band from America. They once supported Slipknot and are not very good.

Also, The Heroic Dose are a religion, a way of life and the solution to humanity's problems. They are too a band like the other heroic dose. They consist of Otis Luxton, Callum Shaw, Edward Kiely and a drummer. Originating from the Sudbury area they named themselves after a quote by Terence Mckenna. Participating in some, nay, numerous events they are quite liked by some people and hated by miserable religous people. They caused a crowd invasion and two whole incidents of controversy.

The Heroic are some of the most profound geniuses in the history of western civilisation according to a junkie they met in a pillbox. Here are some quotes from their geniuslike imaginations. This will be appearing in the new Callum edition of the bible, to be printed sometime.

"No, let me go home and wank please, I don't want to talk to the vicious and evil people, they're baying for my blood. I must achieve democratic social change by peaceful means. Callum you scoundrel!" Edward Kiely III

" Oh look, a small forrest creature....Oh wait...............Ouch, that one really hurt! -small interval- " BLUGHHHHHHHHHH, ohhh, chips." Sir Callum Shaw of Loinsberg

"*nods head wildly* People? Bah? ...CALLUM NO!... untie that belt, come on. Now if you will excuse me I have to go and beat my dog to a pulp. It's not a high horse, infact it's teetotal" Otis P Luxton Shaft

From Earth[edit]

Earth, also known as the Hood, Terra, and (mostly in the 19th century) Tellus, is the first planet outward from the toilet. It is the largest of the anal system's terrestrial planets, and the only planetary body that modern hookers confirms as harboring biatches. The planet formed around 4.57 billion (4.57×109) seconds ago, and shortly thereafter (4.533 seconds years ago) acquired its single natural rock, the thing.

Another from Todo[edit]

1. Try to figure out why anyone would clean their old pennies like in the BAM cleaner commercial. (I think it is called BAM. Please correct me.) [you mean Cillit Bang?]

2. Wonder why now the contents of certain Wikipedia articles cause my head to play certain things over and over.

3. Check on sometihng in another window.

4. Check on it again.

5. Wait, what was that?

6. Wait some more and distract yourself by typing out more of this list.

7. Remember that replacing words in articles with the "F" word and "anus" is not funny, even though that wasn't you.

8. Think about that disgusting parody of the Applebee's commercial. If anyone is reading this, then they do not want to read or hear it.

9. Let people know this is a bad joke.

From Cherry-Co[edit]

Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......

From Flatulence[edit]

I fart, therefore I did. fdg ccccxv

  • Shouldn't that be, "I smelt it, therefore I dealt it"?

From toilet[edit]

What do you get if you cross a head of lettuce and a toilet?

A Ty-D-Bowl of salad!

lalalalalalalalalal ur feet smell

an obvious typo[edit]

After a great deal of fluff and nonsense regarding contentious topics and policy enforcements, User:Ed Poor made this, rather uncontroversial correction of ... an obvious typo.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.[edit]

And worth every penny of it, too.[edit]

Remember, every day is Be Nice To Squirrels Day.[edit]

Parents Television Council[edit]

File:Inge Terboven and Hitler.jpg
PTC Advisory Board member William Bennett with a child he won playing the slots

The Parents Television Council (PTC) is a US-based right wing fascist Christian Fundamentalist group which aims to make television filled with shit through censorship.

Most members are secretly addicted to internet pornography and/or gambling. They also secretly watch Desperate Housewives and if caught claim it was for research purposes. The members also support censorship, capital punishment, the Anti-abortion movement, The Iraq War, and George W. Bush.

Future projects[edit]

Loondon[edit]

Loondon is the frequently miseplt capital of england i think. founded in 1863 by sir Henry London, it is the home of big ben, the queen, english people and disgusting food like spotted dick. recently bombed

Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116[edit]

Wikipedia's most bizarre article title is not a joke, neither deleted; just an obvious testimony to the fact that the world supplies some people with serious mental illness.

Earth[edit]

This was one busy vandal. For the full vandalism, see [1].

Earth, also known as the Earth, Terra, Home of the Whopper, Home of Newark, Orignal home of Elvis, Zneeeglthoooopelh (in the Nioaapuueaevkl Galaxy), DelTaco's Home Planet, Centre of the Universe, and (mostly in the 19th century) Tellus, is the third planet outward from the Sun. It is the largest of the solar system's terrestrial planets, and the only planetary body that modern science confirms as harboring life. The planet formed around 4.57 billion (4.57×109) years ago, and shortly thereafter (4.533 billion years ago) acquired its single natural satellite, the Moon. Unless you are a Fundamentalist Christian then the Earth is a couple thousand years old and was invented by some guy named God in about a week.

Mantle[edit]

Earth's mantle extends to a depth of 2890 km. Unlike Ted Williams he was not frozen after death. The pressure, at the bottom of the mantle, is ~140 GPa (1.4 Matm). It is largely composed of substances rich in iron and magnesium. The melting point of a substance depends on the pressure it is under. As there is intense and increasing pressure as one travels deeper into the mantle, the lower part of this region is thought solid while the upper mantle is plastic (semi-molten). The viscosity of the upper mantle ranges between 1021 and 1024 Pa·s, depending on depth [2]. Thus, the upper mantle can only flow very slowly.


Santa's Workshop[edit]

SANTA'S WORKSHOP WAS FOLLOWED THE FOLLOWING YEAR BY "THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS" FEATURING THE SAME TOY CHARACTERS. THERE IS A MODERN RELEASE AVAILABLE, BUT IT DIFFERS FROM TEH POLITICALLY IN-CORRECT ORIGINAL FEATURING RACIAL TOYS, AND A LITTLE BOY IN PAJAMAS WITH AN OPEN BOTTOM.

john stiff[edit]

john stiff is a guy with the stature of an erection.john loves toasters. in more ways than one. by wang guy

raaaaaaghhh[edit]

james williamson is a crazy, dude. he loves to sweet chin music little fat kids,and talks like an arse.he stepped through a timewarp from somewhere in the nineteenth century england.WHOAOOA CHAPS,FWAA, WAHH

peanut shot[edit]

peanut shot is when you get, punched in the balls by a little kid , then scream FUCKIN HELL!!!!! really loud afterwards.

Hornery[edit]

Hornery is an adjective that is a combination of the words horny and ornery. It refers to someone who is sexually aroused, but bad-tempered and combative about it.

As far as I can tell, the word was originated by my wife Lucy Applebaum, in the mid 1970's.

I had been traveling, on business, for several weeks. I arrived early at SFO, but had to stop by the office in Palo Alto to debrief and clean up the loose ends of the trip. I finally got home 3 hours later.

At first, Lucy was glad to see me! But then, uncharacteristically, she began to complain about little things— it seemed as if I could do nothing right.

I finally confronted her: "What's wrong, why are you acting like this?".

Lucy said: "I am just... just hornery!".

We both roared... and soon righted the situation!

Whatever happened to Willy on Wheels?[edit]

Image:Explosions.jpg Poor jeep...

Ugly duckling[edit]

Following a discussion as to whether an unverified factoid on Mute Swan, concerning a couple of talking swans was encyclopedic, User:Daycd removed the section from the article page with a (mis)quote from Danny Kaye's childrens song 'The Ugly Duckling': [3]

Get out, get out of here? And she went with a quack and a waddle and a quack, But never did say a word.

What happens when a troll discovers templates...[edit]

From this edit of Anglo-saxon hunting.


This page meets Wikipedia's criteria for speedy deletion. The given reason is: It is patent nonsense.

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Administrators, remember to check if anything links here and the page history (last edit) before deleting.
Stop hand.png The neutrality of this article is disputed.
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Please see the relevant discussion on the talk page.

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If the page can be edited into an encyclopedic article, rather than merely a copy of the source text, please do so and remove this message. Otherwise, you can help by formatting it per the Wikisource guidelines in preparation for the move.

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This article specifically concerns the radical changes in the regulation of hunting, the ownership of... [article continues]

From Wikipedia: Guide to Cannibilism[edit]

Cannibalism is an important part of the wikipedia community, and eating your fellow wikipedians is an important skill to have. There are many times such as disputes on talk pags or vote for deletion pages where it is important to be able to devour the person you are having a dispute with

What is Cannibalism[edit]

Cannibalism is the act or practice of eating members of one's own species and usually refers to humans eating other humans (sometimes called anthropophagy). Cannibalism has been attributed to many different tribes and races in the past, but the degree to which it has actually occurred and been socially sanctioned is an extremely controversial topic in anthropology. Some anthropologists argue that cannibalism has been almost non-existent and view claims of cannibalism with extreme skepticism, others argue that the practice was common in pre-state societies.

Several archaeologists have claimed that some ruins in the American Southwest contain evidence of cannibalism. Individual cases in other countries have been seen with mentally unstable persons, criminals, and, in unconfirmed rumors, by religious zealots. In the US, the Donner party is a case of cannibalism to avoid starvation. There are disputed claims that cannibalism was widespread during the famine in Ukraine in the 1930s, during the Siege of Leningrad in World War II, and during the Chinese Civil War and the Great Leap Forward in China.

How to eat your fellow Wikipedians:[edit]

If you intend to eat a fellow wikipedian, you must add the {{eat}} tag to their user page. You then must add the {{eating}} tag to your page. Eat up!

From Prime Minister of the United Kingdom[edit]

Shonda smells like shit

From 1860 in fashion[edit]

The highlight of the Christmas ball at Tara was when Scarlet prouced a fresh Carp from her muff

From 1890s in fashion[edit]

Miss Ripley looked stern as she donned her new leather dominatrix boddice

Brithdir[edit]

Brithdir is a small village in South Wales, Great Britain but is completely independant as its bravest and most able fighters (or Nuts Cunts, as they are locally known) were encouraged into fighting by it's most maddest Nuts Cunts, the two brothers Gink (son of Gonks) and Mellyn (the other son of Gonks) by the immortalised words "c'mon boys we can take them" said with great courage as they were hopelessly outnumbered by New Tradegans and the famous quote "don't be a bum". This enouragement spurs the Brithdirians into fighting them off. Once they were repulsed at the battle of top end in 1673 the contruction of the Great Wall of Brithdir was underweigh.

This was completed in 1672 af ter the method of time travel was perfected by Nathan Vokes aka Flacky by using the "I Believe!" method and a car indicator. It is considered by most outsiders to be a land of "Foolish Barbarians" and indeed most outsider to visit the place are usually chased out by people wielding flaming torches and pitch fork whilst shouting "Witch, witch!", their fear of witches is well-founded as the entire region is under the control of The Sheesbree who visits terror on the heads of its residents arbitrarily.

Brithdir also boasts a resident leprechaun and fridge thief that has stolen the fridges of many famous celebrity such as Elvis Presley and future Prime Minister Gareth Morgan.

From Homestar Runner[edit]

~The Cast~

Part-Time Jobs/Computer Explosions/50 E-Mails

Edward Glen Homestar Runner Kevin Michael Richardson Strong Bad Chris Evans Bubs Tara Strong Strong Sad

Xbox 360[edit]

LOL

from Taylor Dayne[edit]

sugary breakfast treat, or insane clown chanteuse?

Fat Wallet Syndrome[edit]

Fat Wallet Syndrome (FWS) is a psychological disorder driven by extreme insecurity over the need to have every possible card available in the wallet for immediate use even though 95% of those cards will never be used more than a few times a year.

Symptoms of fat wallet syndrome are bulging front or back pockets where there are noticeable creases in the pants caused by the oversized wallet distorting the shape of the pants and well-worn wallets in excess of one inch in thickness.

Upon closer examination, the subject will typically have several credit cards, library card, driver's license, department store cards, petro-points cards, frequent flier card, movie rental card, work-pass card, bus pass, dozens of receipts, and moderate amounts of cash in typically small bills as people with FWS also tend to be a little on the cheap side.

There is no known cure or treatment for either the subject or the subject's pants.

Diss[edit]

Diss is a town in Norfolk, England, with a population of around 6,500 pikeys. It lies in the valley of the River Waveney, around a giant penis (lake) which covers 6 acres and is up to 18 deep (although there is another 51 feet of mud, making it one of the deepest natural inland dykes in England). The town may take its name from the Saxon term for lake.

Peoples Republic of Mosquito[edit]

File:Mosquito-r.jpg
A Communist Republic Founded by The Mosquito Workers Party

From Fucose[edit]

Quoted: "How can you tell if someone is a biochemist?" "If they yell 'Fucose!' when frustrated."


If a tree falls down in a forest, and no-one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?[edit]

The following argument is the brain child of an anonymous student (due to the present state of the world, and considering its religious implications), who is reading a BSc in Government at the London School of Economics and Political Science: Dated: 20th July 2005

"If a tree falls down in a forest and no-one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

1. The above statement is a question.

2. Questions are made up of words, sentences and symbols.

3. Words, sentences and symbols pertain to language.

4. Language is a concept.

5. Concepts are ideas.

6. Some people express that "Religion" is an idea.

7. Religion teaches that there exists a being called "God".

8. God created human beings in his own image.

9. Human beings are flawed.

10. Therefore, God is flawed.

11. The Universe is perfect.

12. It is impossible for flawed beings to achieve perfection.

13. Therefore, God did not create the Universe.

14. If God did not create the Universe, then some other being must have done so.

15. By definition, therefore, the being that created the Universe must be perfect.

16. Perfect beings do not created flawed products.

17. Therefore the being that created the Universe did not create God.

18. Therefore, God does not dwell in our universe.

19. God cannot be empirically verified.

20. All things which cannot be empirically verified are reduced to concepts.

21. Therefore, God is reduced to a concept.

22. Only human beings can create and use concepts.

23. Human beings are flawed and therefore create flawed concepts.

24. God is a flawed concept.

25. Ipso facto, human beings created God.

26. The author of this argument is a human being.

27. As human beings are flawed, this argument must also be flawed.

28. All properties that pertain to reality are derivative of the Universe.

29. Thus, reality is perfect.

30. Flawed arguments do not pertain to reality.

31. All flawed arguments are derivative of human beings.

32. As the authors of flawed arguments, human beings do not pertain to reality.

33. All things in existence must pertain to reality.

34. Therefore, human beings do not exist.

35. "Sound", is a concept held in language.

36. If human beings do not exist then concepts do not exist.

37. If concepts do not exist, then language does not exist.

38. If language does not exist, then "Sound" does not exist.

39. As a concept, "Sound" is dependant on human existence for its meaning.

40. Therefore, without human existence, the phenomena of "Sound" loses its meaning.

41. Therefore, if a tree falls down in a forest, and no-one is around to hear it, it cannot make a sound.

Thus, the answer to the above question must be "no".

Osama bin Laden's new name[edit]

thumb|right|200px|Mr. F*ckhead


From Hot air balloon[edit]

Hot air balloons are colorful holes in the sky into which propane and cash are burned.

From God[edit]

The term God (capitalized in English language as a proper noun) is often used to refer vaguely to a Supreme Being. However, there are many other definitions of the term, a common trait of which is a reference to absoluteness or superlative qualities. For example: i am gay

(article continues)

From Adolf Hitler[edit]

"You must be this tall to ride the Hitler Mobile!

From Fly Gun[edit]

Have you ever been in the midst of the hunt, tracking down the savage winged beast, which is at that moment perched on a window, and you are poised for the deathblow, when your mother screeches, "Jackson, if you smear that bug on that window, I'll ground you"? Well, I have. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers, we members of the mighty guild, we fly hunters, must be well equipped, and what better equipment is there than the stupendous fly gun? Now, I know many people get all nostalgic and teary eyed over ol' Betsy, the fly swatter you had since you were a boy, (you nostalgic folks know who you are), but it's about time fly hunting made the jump to the 21st century, like professional bowling, or curling. With the fly gun, fly hunting has done just that. Strap on your black leather jacket and put on your black shades, and pull the matrix on those flies! Now, some of you may be asking why you should go out and buy some fancy fly gun contraption when a swatter works just fine, so take a look at these factoids:

Fly guns

+ No mess

+ Honorable death (stuns, or kills intact)

+ Adds an aspect of fun

+ By 1st hand experience, it does work!

+ Gives 2 ft of range

- Spring and string can wear out

- Carries higher price tag, 6.95

Fly swatters

Squishes the fly -

Squishes the fly -

Not so much -

Same here +

Melee, not ranged -

Lasts a while +

Only 79 cents at local hardware stores +

Now that we've established the fact that fly guns are superior in almost every way to the common fly swatter And, for those of you who have bad feelings about killing the little buggers, then here are some more facts that may interest you:

Ø After studying 300,000 flies, researchers Dr. Yao and Dr. Yuan of China concluded that your average housefly carries 2 million bacteria on its body. Blecch.

Ø Despite years of trying, no researcher has ever been able to teach flies anything - fish learn, ants learn, snails learn, cockroaches learn, even worms learn … but never flies. So why not put them out of their misery?

Ø Flies can carry typhoid, cholera, diarrhea, amoebic dysentery, T.B, anthrax, gangrene, bubonic plague, leprosy, scarlet fever and yellow fever … so don't feel too bad next time you zap one with your Amazing Flygun.

Ø If a house fly spots a group of flies, he will join them. That's why granny's sticky flypaper worked so well - a few flies got stuck and soon all the others were rushing over to check out the crowd. You just can't help putting something that stupid out of its misery!

Ø A German researcher has invented an enormous electro-shock fly swatter, measuring 4 meters by 1/2metre. A portable generator / battery runs 10,000 volts through it. Despite the size, it is light enough to be carried by a single man and can be used against swarming insects which are killed in milliseconds. That's just a fun fact. Couldn't help but put that one in!

And now you understand the terrible menace that flies are to society, or at least why they are dumb enough to be killed, there should remain no doubts in your mind that you should go out right now, cough up your 6.95, and go by a fly gun now! And if you're still asking why, you're a sorry case, and just remember, Uncle Sam wants you to go shoot some flies!

From WP:VFD[edit]


From Wikipedia:Miscellany for deletion/User:Severus Snape[edit]

from Wikipedia:Votes for Deletion[edit]

Votes for Deification (VfD) is where Wikipedians decide what should be done with godly articles. Items sent here usually wait five days or so; then the following actions can be taken on an article as a result of community consensus:

More information can be found at the Guide to Votes for deification.

Rachel Schwartzman[edit]

Rachel Schwartzman is an incredibly hot Jewish-American woman.

Joke[edit]

example 2: how to escape an vampire 1:play dead mostly it works, otherwise the vampire will suck your blood and eat your head! 2:dance tango with the vampire 3:pretend you have the blood type "AAABBK+?" 4:speak german(no hard feelings pleace:) ) 5:sing charda diez sonato 2. and hope it work 6:sacrifice an hobo in the name of satan 7: if nothing else works, take an assprine and call my office tommorow if you want to see more wierd humour

From STS-51-L[edit]

The Price is Right was interrupted for the launch.

...which seems like a perfectly interesting factoid, but what the *heck* is it doing in the "Tribute" section? "Random Factoids" would be better. Or "Controversy", maybe. But not "Tribute". —W4

Wikipedia:Sheep vote[edit]

Flock of sheep.jpg

Sheep vote is a vote on Wikipedia which seems to be cast just to go along with the flow. E.g., on RfA, this can typically be a vote such as "Support because x,y and z are supporting."

Motivations for sheep voting include:

  • Because everyone else has.
  • Being nice.
  • Making friends.
  • Fear of retribution
  • Being a sock puppet.

Sheep voting may also be tangentially related to or mistaken for editcountitis.

Wolf vote[edit]

The opposite of sheep vote is wolf vote. These votes are much rarer.

We can only speculate about motivations for wolf voting. The following have been proposed:

  • Eating sheep (neutralizing their votes).
  • Grumpiness.
  • A desire for fame (also known as Herostratus vote).
  • Eccentricity.
  • The genuine belief that a candidate supported by support voter(s) X cannot possibly be worthy (Guilt by association)

From Wikipedia:Votes for deletion/Devayan[edit]

advertisement/self-promotion

  • Keep. Since yesterday, we, the creators of the article, were confronted with a number of very surprising incidents involving the user goethean. First, the article was tagged as disputed by goethean because it supposedly violated Wikipedia's rules of neutrality. Quoting from the user goethean; "It is not written from a neutral point of view. It will have to be re-written to conform with Wikipedia standards of neutrality. Specifically, the unattributed claims that a god led men to write a particular book represent a particular point of view and must be attributed to those who hold these claims…" We made the changes requested by this user and asked him to have the disputed tag removed. Instead of acknowledging the changes, he put a request that this article be entirely deleted. We find this absolutely incomprehensible. He claims that this article is meant for self-promotion. This article can in no way be considered self-promotion, as the author, Dr. Hajari, passed away in 1978. goethean also said that he did a search on google for Hajari+Devayan, and the search engine only provided two relevant hits. We would like to suggest to goethean that he makes another search in google for Devayan, and he will find many websites associated with the epic Devayan. Dr. Hajari was a life long devoted disciple of Sri Aurobindo, and Sri Aurobindo was his guru. If he received any assistance from his guru, then there should be no reason for surprise. In the article, we have attributed all supposed claims to the author, Dr. Hajari, and the article in no way suggests that these claims are absolute facts. goethean also mentioned that Devayan is not listed amongst the books issued by the Sri Aurobindo Ashram. It's a fact that many ashramites have written books which have been published outside the ashram. Since this was our first Wikipedian article, we did not know that we did not have the right to delete comments posted by other users. We deleted goethean's comments. After he told us that this was not allowed, we apologized to him and he put his comments back on the page. And as far as we know, we are allowed to post links on other articles which could be related to the subject matter. If still there are any points which need to be ironed out in the article, we would be more than pleased to make the changes. Considering all of the above, we strongly feel that this article SHOULD NOT BE DELETED!!

Bob Bobbert Bobson[edit]

Bob Bobbert Bobson is an imaginary person created to put on the playHARD website as the creator because the real creator did not want his name to be on the website because of personal worrys of identity stuff. The full text containing Bob Bobbert Bobson on the playHARD page is as follows:

Bob Bobbert Bobson of the Charlotte Bobcats

Bob Bobbert Bobson's International House of Leiterhosen in Bobville, Floribob

Two thousand-bob

From You know you have no life when[edit]

  • You check your watchlist more than your email inbox.
  • You realize you're editing pages on a Friday night.
  • You create a page called You know you have no life when.
  • You have conversations with your Sock puppet.

(To which the standard reply is - you really have problems when you start losing the argument with your sock puppet. What do sock puppets call their equivalents?)



From Math Rash[edit]

Math Rashes-a red rash in the form of plus, minus, times, division, or equal signs that breaks out on the skin of school children who have been doing too much math in a classroom. The cure for Math Rashes is only one thing, double recess.

From History of the Universe[edit]

In the beginning, Elvis fell off the toilet and died.

But his Head was kept alive...
somehow.

And Hillary Clinton knew the Head

and in THAT EXACT SECOND the Head became all knowing, all seeing

BUT (there is always a but) in that same second the ANTI-HEAD was born.

The Head and the Anti-Head will fight for ten thousand years

BUT

someday, the Head will join forces with the head of Al Gore
together forming the MERGED HEADS OF ALVIS
and the Anti-Head will cease to exist

THE MERGED HEADS OF ALVIS WILL RULE THE COSMOS FOR TEN MILLION YEARS!

BUT (to be continued)

{{physics-stub}}

Doughnut Theory[edit]

Doughnut.jpg

If you want to find all the cops, they're hanging out in the doughnut shop.

See also[edit]

From Pubic hair[edit]

The bad type of Bush.

Disneyverse continuity problems[edit]

The creation and maintenance of the Disneyverse has created a large number of continuity problems, not all of which have been addressed.

Some examples:

  • Mickey Mouse owns a dog called Pluto. Pluto lives in a kennel in Mickey's garden, wears no clothes and barks like a normal dog. However, Mickey also has a friend called Goofy - who is also a dog. Goofy wears clothes, lives in a house and can talk. Such viewers as may notice this apparent contradiction may suspect that either Mickey Mouse and Pluto are partners in a sadomasochistic relationship (and his neighbours very tolerant of one partner living naked in the garden) or that Mr Mouse is somewhat unenlightened in his handling of friends with learning disabilities.
  • Occasionally Pluto appears to belong to Donald Duck instead of to Mickey. No explanation of this is ever offered.
  • Donald Duck wears a sailor suit jacket but no trousers, thus committing indecent exposure every time he leaves his house, but without ever being arrested. He is also able to take a bath by immersing himself in water (unlike the real ducks that he has occasionally been seen feeding in the local park).

From Josiah Bartlet[edit]

Stop hand.png The neutrality of this article is disputed.
Please see discussion on the talk page.


For the signer of the Declaration of Independence, see Josiah Bartlett.

President Bartlet is an accomplished economist, with a Masters and Ph.D. in economics from the London School of Economics and a Nobel Prize in Economics. He is a fictitious descendant of the real-life Josiah Bartlett, a signatory of the Declaration of Independence. Like his real-life ancestor, the fictitious Bartlet was a governor of New Hampshire. Prior to serving two terms as governor, Bartlet was a three-term member of the United States House of Representatives and senator in the New Hampshire State Legislature. Before entering politics Bartlet was a tenured professor of economics at Dartmouth College, where he received an honorary Doctorate in Humane Letters. He was elected President on the Democratic ticket, and as the series continued, was elected to a second term. He is a devout Roman Catholic, a graduate of the University of Notre Dame who once considered becoming a priest. He is married to thoracic surgeon Abigail Bartlet, with whom he has three daughters: Elizabeth, Eleanor, and Zoey. The President suffers from multiple sclerosis, which at one time put the future of his presidency in doubt.

Bartlet was shot in Arlington. The President's wounds were not serious and it was later discovered that Charlie Young, the President's personal assistant, was the actual target of the assassination attempt, not the President himself.

Bartlet announced to the country that he suffers from multiple sclerosis, and had been keeping it a secret.

President Bartlet's daughter, Zoey, was kidnapped on the day of her graduation from Georgetown University, possibly due to the Bartlet-ordered assassination of the Qumari defense minister. While Zoey was missing, President Bartlet invoked Section 3 of the 25th Amendment, giving up the power of the presidency. Due to the resignation a few days earlier of Vice President John Hoynes, the Speaker of the House Glen Allen Walken, a Republican, became Acting President. Zoey was recovered with only minor injuries several days later and President Bartlet reassumed his office a few hours later. On a trip to China, Bartlet was left temporarily paralyzed by an attack of MS.

Bartlet is currently in the last year of his term, with elections to occur in November of 2008. His potential successors are Rep. Matt Santos (D-TX) and Sen. Arnold Vinick (R-CA).

Cabinet[edit]

President Bartlet and former U.S. President D.Wire Newman at the state funeral of former U.S. President Owen Lassiter.

OFFICE NAME TERM
President Josiah Bartlet 1999—
Vice President John Hoynes 1999–2003
  Robert Russell 2003—
State Lewis Berryhill 1999—
Treasury Kenneth Kato 1999–2004
  Teresa Browning 2004—
Defense Miles Hutchinson 1999—
Justice Dan Larson 1999—2003
  Alan Fisk 2003—
Interior Bill Horton 1999—
Commerce Mitch Bryce 1999—
Labor Carl Reid ????—
Agriculture Roger Tribbey 2000—
HHS Dr. Beverly Crusher --—–----
Education Unknown --—–----
HUD Deborah O'Leary 1999–2001
  Bill Fisher) 2001—
Transportation [[wp:Kathryn Janeway] --—–----
Energy Bill Trotter 1999–2004
  Gerald Deloit (Terry Bozeman) 2004—
Veterans Affairs Thomas Paris --—–----


Supreme Court appointments[edit]

Bartlet appointed the following Justices to the Supreme Court of the United States:

 

Presidents of the United States of America (edit) U.S. presidential seal
Washington | J. Adams | Jefferson | Madison | Monroe | J.Q. Adams | Jackson | Van Buren | W.H. Harrison | Tyler | Polk | Taylor | Fillmore | Pierce | Buchanan | Lincoln | A. Johnson | Grant | Hayes | Garfield | Arthur | Cleveland | B. Harrison | Cleveland | McKinley | T. Roosevelt | Taft | Wilson | Harding | Coolidge | Hoover | F.D. Roosevelt | Truman | Eisenhower | Kennedy | L.B. Johnson | Nixon | Ford | Carter | Newman | Lassiter | Clinton | Bartlett

Butter butt[edit]

A bodily condition that presents itself on very hot/humid days where a certain part of the body turns to butter (I'm guessing). My friend Nick used this term, but I didn't really know what it meant, so I'm hoping that someone out there can clear this up for me.

If you think it's butter, but it's not...

From Archie Bunker[edit]

Carroll O'Connor as Archie Bunker

From Wikipedia:Reference desk[edit]

Title was "Harmful effects of masturbation"

Hi, I am a 19 yr old male..I read the article about masturbation on ur site but I am still confused about the effects such as premature ejaculation due to masturbation. I masturbate twice a day normally It would be kind of you if u reply...Akshay Jain

Premature ejaculation because of masturbation? I thought that was the point? Though I suspect you are a troll in addition to being a wanker. Dunc| 12:35, 20 July 2005 (UTC)
I think Mr. Jain is expressing his concern that his ejaculations might be premature at some point in the future when he will not be confined to masturbation anymore. dab () 12:51, 20 July 2005 (UTC)

The only ill effects you're likely to see from masturbation are chafing, an RSI, and dehydration if you do it more than a thousand times a day. Enjoy yourself now; when you're seventy, you'll probably have arthritis and won't be able to do it anymore. — Essjay · Talk 13:48, July 20, 2005 (UTC)

What about going blind and growing hair on the palms eh? ;-) Theresa Knott (a tenth stroke) 13:59, 20 July 2005 (UTC)

You can't go blind in both eyes from it, and isn't losing one eye worth it? As for the hair on the palms, as long as it's soft hair and/or you remember to use a quality creme rinse, it will only add to the experience! ; - ) — Essjay · Talk 14:21, July 20, 2005 (UTC)

  • If you're worried masturbation will cause you to ejaculate too early when you are having sex later you can relax. It's quite unlikely. If it's not you can use the "stop and go" method to proong the experience. - Mgm|(talk) 14:39, July 20, 2005 (UTC)

Actually, there are a few harmful effects of masturbation not mentioned. About a year ago I (yes, I, this is not anecdotal) got EXTREME headaches after, well, wanking. I mean EXTREME, it was the worst pain I've ever suffered. This went on for about a week, I hoped it would get better and it did. I think it has something to do with blood-pressure, but I am not sure. Should have gone to see a doctor really...... gkhan 20:53, July 20, 2005 (UTC)

Yes that is due to blood pressure. As someone once said, "God gave man a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to use one at a time". While funny, this quote is not untrue. If you masturbate the "wrong" way you will sometimes cause a headache-like feeling that can last a while, and the length it lasts for depends on how wrong your technique was (*has first-hand experience*) so just do it the "right" way and this won't happen. The website below lists what not to do. GarrettTalk 23:12, 20 July 2005 (UTC)
Are you accusing me of not being able to masturbate? :P All jokes aside, I don't think i did it the "wrong" way, I've done it the same way all me life (sorry about the "me", just finished the latest Harry Potter book), and I've never gotten headaches before or since. gkhan 16:44, July 21, 2005 (UTC)

Depending on the laws where you live, perhaps you not supposed to do this until age 21, so don't get caught. Certain mental fantasies will get the same results without having to put your hand down there, so don't sweat the arthritis. Your bed sheets or underpants can get soiled, depending on where you are when you invoke this. AlMac 21:33, 20 July 2005 (UTC)

Might I suggest you visit a very helpful website JackinWorld, "The Ultimate Male Masturbation Resource". It will tell you all you need to know based on real medical facts etc. etc. etc. From what I've read, premature ejaculation is extremely rare and, when it occurs, is due to other medical problems, not masturbation, and, indeed, masturbation can be used to teach yourself more control over your responses in order to fulfill the ideal that "nice guys finish last", if you know what I mean. :) Oh, and the hair and blindness are completely untrue. Or, at least, I still have my eyesight and smooth palms... gee it's gone all blurry again, I hope that's the save button down there, I need to go shave them... :) GarrettTalk 23:12, 20 July 2005 (UTC)

When this is done we have to send it to Wikipedia:BJAODN, its too funny to pass up :) Redwolf24 23:53, 21 July 2005 (UTC)

Thank God Wikipedia is not censored for the protection of minors or we'd all be at the ArbCom. ; - ) — Essjay · Talk 23:56, July 21, 2005 (UTC)

Hey, don't be such a wanker! Ohh, wait.... gkhan 10:18, July 22, 2005 (UTC)

Hmmm, well the most harmful effect of masturbation is that it can lead to the extinction of the human race. No kidding! If the whole population of a country only engaged in masturbation to the total exclusion of sexual intercourse, you would see a dramatic fall in the birth rate. If this situation is maintained for some 150 years, the whole population of the country will die out. <Peter Jones Voice>This, of course, is very unlikely to happen.</Peter Jones Voice>

That is to say, it is very unlikely to happen, except that it has more or less happened at least once. Although they didn't encourage masturbation, the religious mores of the Shakers were sufficiently effective in advocating celibacy, that once their popularity began to wane in the 19th century and it became difficult to attract new followers, most Shaker communities effectively died out after a couple of generations. — Solipsist 16:15, 22 July 2005 (UTC)

from leet[edit]

{{language|name=Leet|nativename=L33t |familycolor=lawngreen |states=[[wp:Internet|Internet]] |region=[[wp:Internet|Internet]] [[wp:Chatrooms|Chatrooms]], [[wp:forums|forums]], etc. |speakers=Several million. |family=[[wp:Indo-European languages|Indo-European]]<br>  [[wp:Germanic languages|Germanic]]<br>  [[wp:West Germanic languages|West]]<br>   [[wp:Anglian language|Anglic]]<br>   [[wp:Binary system|Binary]]<br>   [[wp:Ebonics|Ebonics]]<br>   '''Leet'''<br> |nation=[[wp:Internet|Internet]] |agency=People who use it in chatrooms |iso=lt|iso2=leet|sil=LET}}

From Jahn Teigen[edit]

Jahn Teigen also performed in a humerous trio called Prima Vera with comerades Herodes Falsk and Tom Mathisen, famous for their characteristic green tights.

Jahn Teigen is currently searching for his long lost skeleton costume. If you know anything about its whereabouts, please contact Teigen. Thank you.

Template:Gay[edit]

There are hardly any happy people in Singapore anymore, there is to be a gay world, but it is demolished years ago, really are there such people in Singapore?

The Dungeon Siege Movie[edit]

Directed by Uwe Boll. Has a lvl 9 wizard in it.

This was the whole article. - Sikon 12:03, 26 July 2005 (UTC)


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