Toilet Slang

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Urination[edit]

  • To go and spend a penny
  • Beating the piss out of the little guy
  • Blasting the beast
  • Bleeding the lizard
  • Breaking the seal
  • Change water on the goldfish
  • Coffee dump
  • Disinfect the birdbath with ammonia
  • Do a wee
  • Draining the dragon
  • Draining the main vein
  • Draining the radiator
  • Draining the one-eyed monster
  • Draining down the system
  • Draining your lizard
  • Ending the drought
  • Expel urine from my sack of pee
  • Fill the wading pool
  • Freshen my Snapple
  • Go pee pee
  • Going to water my horse
  • Hosing the porcelain
  • Humping the cat loin
  • I'm quickly gonna go talk to my Lawyer
  • It's Potty Time
  • Leak the lizard
  • Let er' fly
  • Lift leg (used commonly among members of the furry fandom, derived from how male canines urinate)
  • Lower the water level
  • Make one's bladder gladder
  • Micturate
  • Number one
  • Pass water
  • Paying the water bill
  • Pee
  • Pwenk (very rare)
  • Pee Pee
  • Piddle (considered a coarse expression in some quarters)
  • Pit stop
  • Point the Pink Pistol at the Porcelain Firing Range
  • Pointing Percy at the porcelain
  • Punish the porcelain
  • Putting out the fire
  • Raining on the bowl
  • Release the pressure
  • Refresh the body
  • Relieve yourself
  • See a man about a horse
  • Shaking hands with the president
  • Shaking hands with the vicar
  • Shaking hands with the wife's best friend
  • Shaking the dew off the lily
  • Soaking yourself
  • Splashing the pirate
  • Spend a penny
  • Sprinkle
  • Sprinkle my tinkle
  • Squeezing the lemonade
  • Squeeze the old snake
  • Steering Stanley to the stainless steel
  • Syphon the python
  • Take a piss like a racehorse
  • Taking a leak
  • Taking a pee
  • Taking a piss (considered a coarse expression in some quarters)
  • Taking a slash
  • Taking a squirt
  • Taking a whiz`z
  • Tapping a kidney
  • Tinkle
  • Training Thomas on the terracotta
  • Troggle
  • Twinkle
  • Visit Uncle Charley
  • Void my bladder
  • Walk my snake
  • Walking the dog
  • Water my weasel
  • Watering the flowers (outdoor)
  • Write my name in the water
  • Write my name in the snow
  • Take a wicked "Yes" (Family Guy; Peter Griffin in French class after hearing the word, Oui Oui)
  • Having a slash

Defecation[edit]

  • A sewer snake to release
  • A.B.P. (After Breakfast Poo)
  • A.G.B (After Grog Bog)
  • Anaconda action
  • Arsefire
  • Back one out
  • Backing the big brown motorhome out of the garage
  • Baiting the trap
  • Becoming the porcelain assassin
  • Black Snake playing peekaboo
  • Blasting a dookie
  • Blinking
  • Blow one out - Also flatulence
  • Blow the load
  • BM (Bowel Movement)
  • Boo-Boo
  • Boom Boom
  • Bomb the porcelain sea
  • Building a log cabin
  • Burn a mule
  • Bust a crap
  • Caca
  • Carpet Bombing Afghanistan
  • Chocolate time!
  • Cooking butt pudding
  • Cripping a crapple
  • Crowning
  • Curling
  • Curling one off
  • Cutting rope
  • Deceiver of Farts
  • De-corking the borking
  • Deucing
  • Dirty squirties
  • Disco dump (that involuntary drug induced poo)
  • Discuss Intelligent Design
  • Doing brown
  • Doing some spring cleaning
  • Dominating
  • Doo-Doo
  • Doodey
  • Download a brownload
  • Dr. Benjamin Fartlin
  • Dropping a dook
  • Dropping a bomb
  • Dropping a deuce
  • Dropping a hoopsnake
  • Dropping a jolst
  • Dropping a load
  • Dropping a mud monkey (South Park)
  • Dropping anchor
  • Dropping bass ("base" as in the opposite of treble. Not the fish.)
  • Dropping logs
  • Dropping some friends off at the pool
  • Dropping the Browns off at the Super Bowl
  • Dropping the kids off at the pool
  • Dropping the Mexican Boll Weevil
  • Dropping the weights
  • Dropping wax
  • Faxing a shit to the toilet machine
  • Feeding the seagulls (politer version of "Feeding the shitehawks")
  • Feeding the toilet
  • Fertilising the plants (refers to defecating outdoors and on the ground, such as while camping)
  • Filing some papers
  • Filling the bowl
  • Fire away
  • Freeing my chocolate hostages
  • Getting a load off my mind
  • Giving birth
  • Giving birth to a chocolate baby boy
  • Giving birth to a healthy brown baby
  • Giving birth to the black eel
  • Giving birth to the Spineless Brownfish
  • Giving birth to an African
  • Giving the cleaner something to think about
  • Going Boom Boom
  • Going poop
  • Going to meet Jim Davidson
  • Going to number two
  • Going to have a talk with Mr.Hanky
  • Growing a tail
  • Hanging a rat
  • Hungry Hungry Hippos
  • Having a Code Brown (at work)
  • Kurt Bevacqua
  • Launching torpedoes
  • Laying a brick
  • Laying a brownie
  • Laying a cable
  • Laying a chocolate hot dog
  • Laying a Hank
  • Laying a turd
  • Laying some wolf bait
  • Leaving a burnt offering at the porcelain altar
  • Leaving a legacy
  • Lengthening the spine
  • Letting loose
  • Letting the toilet know who's boss
  • Letting the dogs out
  • Lift tail (used commonly among members of the furry fandom)
  • Logging
  • Logging into the toilet and making a huge download
  • Logging out
  • Load your pants
  • Lose some weight (Also used in urination)
  • Making a tail
  • Making an appointment with Dr. John
  • Making a deposit in the Porcelain Bank
  • Making gravy
  • Making logs (or a log)
  • Making waves
  • Makin' bears
  • Monopoly!
  • Montezuma's Revenge (traveller’s diarrhoea)
  • Number two (a portable toilet company advertises itself as "Number One in Number Two"; a Midwest plumbing company proclaims, "We're Number One in a Number Two Business.")
  • Parking the dark horse (Beavis and Butt-Head)
  • Pass Legislation (American Dad)
  • Pebble-dashing the porcelain
  • Peeing out of (one's) ass (in the case of diarrhea)
  • Pinching (off) a loaf
  • Pinching a yam
  • Pinch-hitting for Kurt Bevacqua (a reference to the old brown uniforms worn in the 1970's and 1980's by the San Diego Padres.)
  • Poo-Poo
  • Poopsicle
  • Poopy Doo
  • Poppin a gooky
  • Prairie Dogging
  • Praying for rain
  • Producing some output
  • Pump a clump of dump out of my rump
  • Punching a growler
  • Punishing the porcelain
  • Punishing the toilet
  • Push a Klingon out of the airlock (Reference to alien race from Star Trek whose foreheads bear strong resemblance to fecal matter)
  • Put food in the dog's water
  • Releasing a depth charge
  • Releasing a Dungbomb (from Harry Potter)
  • Releasing the hostages
  • Releasing the Kraken
  • Releasing a Butt Dragon
  • Returning to the Blue Lagoon (Psuedonym for a portable toilet)
  • Ride a pony and trap
  • Ring of fire
  • Sacrificing to the Toilet/Porcelain god
  • Saturday morning special
  • Scatter bombing
  • See a man about a horse
  • Sharting (Accidentally defecating when the intent was to flatulate, as described in Along Came Polly)
  • Shitting bricks (Houses or apartments as substitutes for higher quantity. Also, adding the word 'sideways' implies there is pain involved.)
  • Showering the room with roses
  • Shtounga
  • Slopping gruel in Oliver's bowl
  • Smoking a trick cigar (For feces intermingled with pockets of pressurized gas)
  • Southsider
  • Speaking with the arabs (When whoever is listening asks "what" the toiletee replies "Mustapha Crap!")
  • Spray-painting the porcelain
  • Squeezing out a fudge dragon (gotta love South Park)
  • Squirt juice
  • Stalling a brown sedan
  • Studying one's Process Design notes (refers to Environmental Engineering Process Design, a course taught to civil and environmental engineering undergraduates and that deals with, among other topics, the design of wastewater treatment facilities)
  • Swearing off of Tobasco (For burning hot poops)
  • Taking a brew
  • Taking a crap (see also Mr. Thomas Crapper)
  • Taking a dump
  • Taking a Nixon (used by Kinky Friedman in his detective novels)
  • Taking a poo
  • Take a ship
  • Taking a shit (a coarse expression, not a euphemism)
  • Taking a slam
  • Taking a Tarzan (crapping in the woods/forest)
  • Taking the Browns to the Superbowl
  • Taking the Cosby kids to the pool
  • Taking the morning curl
  • Talking to a man about a horse
  • Throwing up backwards
  • Tuesday Afternoons
  • Turtle time (see Turtle Action)
  • Uni(I've got to take an uni)
  • Unlikely Traveler (Defecation, usually on vacation, when you defacate in your pants away from a toilet)
  • Unload
  • Unloading a batch of cigars
  • Unloading a 3-coiler
  • Uploading a file (Downloading would signify intake of a fece.)
  • UH-OH! (Peter Griffin again; is incontinent at awkward moments)
  • Visiting Boston
  • vote for president.
  • Take a Critical Ambient to the Lab
  • Upgrading my Thetan Level
  • Yahtzee!

Flatulence[edit]

  • All-natural fumigation
  • Anal thunder
  • A quick piece from the anus orchestra (in F Minor)
  • Air poo
  • Arsehole Symphony
  • Arse-music
  • Arse-whistling
  • Anal music
  • Bake brownies (from South Park)
  • Barking spiders
  • Backfire
  • Beef
  • Beef-cloud
  • Biological Backfire
  • Biological Warfare
  • Blast off
  • Blasting the pants cannon (from Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide)
  • Blow a big one
  • Blow a gassy
  • Blow a little one
  • Blow a little gassy
  • Blow a smelly
  • Blow a stinky
  • Blow off
  • Blow one out - Also defecation
  • Blowing out the colon
  • Booty burp
  • Bottom burp
  • Branxton cough
  • Break wind
  • Browning your shorts
  • Bubble & Squeak
  • Buckshot
  • Bum notes
  • Bum reports
  • Bunker blast
  • Bust arse
  • Butt Thunder
  • Buttock Crack Blow
  • Chemical warfare
  • Choir practice
  • Choke a donkey
  • Churning urn of burning funk
  • Commit a Murder
  • Copper Kettle (Farting while in a small car filled with passengers and the windows locked, often followed up with, "Roll up the windows, that one's a keeper!")
  • Corporal Fart Sounds the Trumpets for the arrival of General Kaka
  • Crop Dusting (while walking)
  • Curry night
  • Cut the cheese
  • Diffusion
  • Dropping arse
  • Drop a bomb
  • Drop one's guts (as in "Who dropped their guts?")
  • Dropping wolf bait
  • Dairy Air
  • Dutch Oven (Farting in bed, then pulling the covers over the head of your bedmate. A terrible and barbaric practice.)
  • Erupting the anal volcano
  • Evacuating the second floor
  • Exercising one's right to free speech
  • Expelling a flatus
  • Explosion between the legs
  • Explosion in my pants
  • Farting
  • Feem
  • Fightin' words
  • Fire in the hole
  • Firing the auxilury rockets
  • Floating an air biscuit
  • Freshing up the air
  • Flatulating
  • Gas leakage
  • Gaseous Anal Discharge (GAD)
  • Gastrointestinal error alert tone
  • Give birth to a brown baby ghost
  • Give up the funk
  • Grunt (as in "Who grunted?")
  • Guff/guff an eggy
  • Honking the butt horn
  • Honking for clearance
  • Killing the barking spiders (helps if you stomp)
  • Launching a growler
  • Launch one off
  • Let off a howler
  • Let a stinker
  • Letting the Wookie win
  • Let one go
  • Let one off
  • Let one rip
  • Let Polly out of prison
  • Let slip the dog of war
  • Let the peach speak
  • Let the cat out of the bag
  • Lift off
  • Light a bum cigar
  • Lighting the Afterburners
  • Listening to Jim Davidson (or any ill-regarded musician)
  • Making Boohbah
  • Meef
  • Message from below
  • Nose hair burning ass bomb
  • Number four (note, numbers 3 and up are often switched, only numbers one and two are generally accepted as standard)
  • Odor Opera
  • Parp
  • Pass gas
  • Pass wind
  • Poo dust
  • Popping Smoke (Military term for activating a smoke grenade)
  • Pumping
  • Rip arse
  • Rip one
  • Rump Trumpet
  • Shit Symphony
  • Silent, but deadly (SBD)
  • Silent, but violent (SBV)
  • Southsider
  • Summoning the Tuba god
  • "Speak to me, oh toothless one!"
  • Step on a frog
  • Squeaky bum time
  • Squeaky Peeker
  • Taffing
  • Talking Shit (Also Shit Talking)
  • Thunder from Down Under
  • Toot
  • Tootle
  • Touched by the spirit of God
  • Traf (fart backwards; used for politeness)
  • Trouser cough
  • Trumpet involuntary
  • Trumping
  • Turning on the "heated seats"
  • Vicar's apology
  • Vulcan butt breathing
  • War cry
  • Was that a mouse on a Harley?
  • Watch out for those barking spiders
  • Whicked Whistlin'
  • Woofie
  • Xenu Speaks
  • "Your head asplode" (Homestar Runner)
  • 10-4 back door
  • cut one

Vomiting[edit]

  • Alan's psychedelic breakfast
  • Barfing
  • Be the mother bird
  • Bite the Chobie
  • Blowing beets/bile/breakfast/chunks/donuts
  • Blue chip special
  • Blow chunks
  • Booting
  • Bow down before the porcelain god (On some occasions, the worshipper vows to the god never to drink again.)
  • Bradding
  • Bronx's Nightmare
  • Bring it up for a vote
  • Calling dinosaurs (Used for particularly loud bouts of emesis.)
  • Calling Huey (or Ralph) on the commode-a-phone
  • Catch it on the rebound
  • Cheektowaga scream
  • Cheese
  • Chow
  • Chuck up
  • Chuck Wagon Chowder
  • Chunder
  • Cook up a pavement pizza
  • Cry Ruth
  • Date Porcelain Patty
  • Do the Bush Thing (used in Japan, after President Bush, Sr. threw up on a Japanese prime minister)
  • Driving the Buick to Europe
  • Driving the porcelain (school) bus
  • Driving to Europe with Ralph and Earl in a Buick
  • Eat backwards
  • Feed the fish (when seasick)
  • Feed your young (like a mother bird regurgitates food for her chicks)
  • Food Escape!
  • Going "bologna"
  • Have an out-of-stomach experience
  • Hiccup from Hell
  • Hock a furball
  • Horking
  • Hug the porcelain wishing well
  • Hurling
  • Hwarfing
  • Inverse Gut
  • Jackson Pollock
  • Jump shot
  • Kiss the can
  • Kneel before the porcelain throne
  • Lap lung butter
  • Launch lunch
  • Liquid laugh
  • Lose your lunch
  • Make an offering to the porcelain gods
  • Make a crustless pizza
  • Make a hideous jiffy bag
  • Make like Mount St. Helens
  • McDonald's "Special"
  • Munt
  • New England Clam Chowder
  • Number three (note, numbers 3 and up are often switched, only numbers one and two are generally accepted as standard)
  • Offer a sacrifice at the porcelain altar
  • Paint the sidewalk
  • Park the tiger
  • Pay homage to the Irishman Huey O'Rourke
  • Pop a gastric zit
  • Pray/worship at the porcelain altar/temple
  • Pray to the porcelain god/goddess/princess
  • Puking
  • Pulling the trigger (intentionally vomiting)
  • Quease
  • Ralphing
  • Regurgitate
  • Reverse-drink (from the Thunder Mug)
  • Revisit dinner
  • Ride the Regurgitron
  • Rope på elgen (Norwegian for "call the moose")
  • Round trip meal ticket
  • Scream at the ants
  • Sing psychedelic praises to the depths of the china bowl
  • Snarf
  • Snow bank pizza
  • Soittaa posliinipuhelimella Norjaan (Finnish for "make a phone call to Norway with a telephone made of porcelain")
  • Soul coughing
  • Spewing
  • Splatterhouse
  • Spraying McDonalds (as in "Did somebody spray McDonalds?")
  • Talking on the porcelain telephone
  • Talking to the weeds
  • Talking to God on the big white telephone
  • Technicolour yawn/yodel
  • Throwing up
  • Thunder-chunder rainbow parfait
  • Toilet bowl toss
  • Tossing your cookies
  • Tossing your lunch
  • Turn your guts inside-out
  • Un-eat
  • Upchuck
  • Vector-spew
  • Vomiting
  • Warhol wail
  • Waste good beer
  • Worship the toilet God
  • Yakking
  • Yarfing
  • Yawn for the hearing impaired
  • Yodelling to the porcelain megaphone
  • Yorxing

Eructation[edit]

  • Backward fart
  • Belching
  • Burping
  • Ructus
  • The call of the wildebeast
  • Seltch (Sneezing and belching due to overpressures.)
  • What I do after a drink.

Combinations[edit]

Another section of toilet humour involves combination bodily functions, which are generally the unexpected result of some forcing mechanism. While these events certainly don't have the lexicographical diversity of their single-function counterparts, they are generally considered humorous in discussion and especially in occurrence.

  • Acid Beak - (see Turtle Action)
  • Anal Leakage- Leaking anus. Generally unexpected, Action of incontinence, also 'sharting' in one's pants or underwear.
  • Crop Dusting - Flatulation while walking quickly {'the man crop dusted his office hoping no one would pin the bad smell on him'}
  • Escapee - A fart that escapes while urinating and/or defecating and/or eructating and/or vomiting and/or sneezing (Snarting).
  • Hot Wheels- (Toy car brand name, T.V ad shows flaming tracks),track/skid marks remaining on the floor of the porcelain bowl after the first, and/or several flush(es)
  • Out of the Closet Pooper - A colleague who defecates at the office unashamedly; usually seen going to the bathroom with a newspaper in hand.
  • Prarie Dogging - occurs when the tip, or head of the feces peeks out the anus and/or the sensation of. (see also Turtle Action)
  • SBP - (DMU), Defecation, menstruation and urination in unison.
  • Sharting - When someone defecates as the result of overpressures created by attempting to flatulate.
  • Snarting - When someone farts as the result of sneezing-induced overpressures.
  • The Holy Shart - When someone defecates in his/her pants with a fart that came as the result of sneezing. Better if someone says "bless you" with the sneeze.
  • Turd Burglar - A person who tries to open the door of your stall while you are defecating.
  • Turtle Action - (see Turtle Time), occurs when the tip, or head of the feces peeks out the anus and/or the sensation of.
  • Vurping - When someone vomits when they eructate.

Constipation[edit]

  • Backed up
  • Blocked up
  • Bunged up
  • Full of bricks
  • Plugged up
  • full of shit
  • a poo camel

Miscellaneous bodily odours and medical ailments[edit]

Many of these have their own sets of slang and humorous terms and euphemisms or disphemisms (which should be developed as part of this article).

  • Diarrhea
    • Acid bombs
    • AK-47 action
    • Alco-poo (after alcohol
    • Arseplosion
    • Arse blast
    • Backdoor Trots
    • Bubbleguts
    • Carpet bomb
    • Montezuma's revenge
    • No. 3
    • P.H.I.D.S. (Poophole In Distress Syndrome)
    • Ring stinger
    • Scatter bomb
    • Screaming shits
    • Shitting fizzy gravy
    • Shitting through the eye of a needle
    • Spray-painting
    • Spray poops
    • The Green apple splatters
    • The Shits
    • The Squirts
    • The trotts, or the green-apple trots
    • The Skitters
    • Turista
    • Whiskey shits (after alcohol)
  • Halitosis - chronic bad breath
    • Death breath
    • Barf breath
    • Dragons breath
    • Dementor (from Harry Potter)
    • Farthead
  • Hemorrhoids
    • Arse lips
    • Arse petals
    • Arse flower
    • Arseteriods
    • Hemmies
    • Little stinky balloons (from Family Guy)
    • 'Roids
    • The Rockfords (as in the Rockford Files ---> rhyming slang for Piles)

Ambiguous[edit]

The following are used as intentionally ambiguous terms for a visit to a bathroom/toilet to urinate, defecate, or both:

  • Answering nature's call
  • *Camo-Cough - a fake cough used to distract attention from potentially embarassing in-stall noises
  • *Courtesy flush - flushing the moment the feces hits water to minimize odors, reduce risk of taking the 'walk of shame'(see Walk of Shame)
  • *Decorating the toilet seat (putting paper on the seat)
  • Finding safe haven
  • Finishing up some paper-work (wiping)
  • Freshening up
  • Getting an appointment with Dr. John
  • Going to hit the head (Naval Term)
  • Going to let loose in the loo
  • Going to see a man about a horse
  • Going to sit on the bowl
  • Going to sit on the throne
  • Going to the bathroom (US)
  • Going to the can
  • Going to the Chamber Of Secrets (seeing that it was located in a bathroom)
  • Going to the dunny
  • Going to the "happy room" (Thailand)
  • Going to the little boys'/girls' room (mostly in American English)
  • Going to the "little inventor's room"
  • Going to the loo (UK)
  • Going to see a man about a dog (UK)
  • Going to the "office" (or "cubicle")
  • Going to the privy
  • Going to the Royal office
  • Going to the Tinkle-Dinkle Ha-Ha room (The Simpsons)
  • Going where even the emperor must go on foot
  • Going where even the king goes alone
  • Having a healthy
  • Hit the can
  • Painting the porcelain
  • Paying a visit
  • Perfume the loo
  • Powdering one's nose
  • Reclaiming the throne
  • Reigning on a porcelain throne
  • Seeing Mrs. Murphy
  • Spend a penny
  • Spray-painting the porcelain
  • Taking a biological break
  • Taking a constitutional
  • The Walk of Shame - The steps taken from stall, to stink, to door after one has stunk up the (usually workplace) bathroom, (can sometimes be prevented with the courtesy flush)
  • Turtle time!
  • Turtle is poking his head out
  • Using the can
  • Using the facilities
  • Using the john
  • Using the plumbing
  • Visiting Mr. Limbaugh
  • Visiting Mr. Stallman
  • Washing one's hands
  • Washing up