The original Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense

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Carl's Number

Carl's number is often described as the largest number that has ever been seriously used in a Wikipedia article. It is too large to be written in scientific notation because even the digits in the exponent would exceed the number of bits in the Wikipedia hard drive, so it needs special notation to write down. Carl's number is much larger than other well known large numbers such as a googol and a googolplex, and even larger than Graham's number, another well-known extremely large number.

Carl's problem

Carl's number is connected to the following problem in the branch of mathematics known as "just way too many dimensions":

Consider an n-dimensional universe, such that n0 = phi. Then begin to increase n indefinitely. As n approaches 42, a Graham's number-dimensional universe collides with the n-dimensional universe to unite and form a single m-dimensional universe. What is the most probable value of m?

Although the solution to this problem is not yet proved, Carl's number is the most probable solution and is the generally accepted answer. Carl found this when attempting to solve the first ever Graham's number-dimensional Rubik Cube.

Definition of Carl's number

Carl's number Q is defined as follows:

<math>Q_1=3\uparrow\uparrow\uparrow\uparrow3 + 42= 
  \begin{matrix}
   \underbrace{3_{}^{3^{3^{3^{{}^{.\,^{.\,^{.}}}}}}} + 42}\\
   \mbox{ write the number three } 3^{205891132094649}\mbox { times and add 42}
  \end{matrix}</math>

Historical significance of Q

Although the exact reason for picking Q is still unknown, it is often rumored that Carl picked the letter Q due to a complicated vector problem involving more dimensions than there are fundamental particles in the visible universe. To get around this, Carl created the Q notation, such that Q is everything. (The one and only contribution of User:MyNameIsCarl and, incidentaly much (I can't express how much) smaller than Grahams number.)

Things to look out for

  1. Aliens
  2. Andrew Lloyd Webber Musicals
  3. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
  4. In-laws
  5. Racial Slurs
  6. Kings of Iceland
  7. Kitchen implements
  8. Politics and Government
  9. Really long articles
  10. Really short articles
  11. Really gay priests
  12. Really transexual articles
  13. Really heterosexual articles
  14. Really flambouyant articles
  15. Seemingly normal articles
  16. Secret Societies
  17. Your right-toeless Mom
  18. Stereotypes
  19. Sterosubtypes
  20. Terra-ists
  21. The Consequences caused by the Philadelphia Experiment
  22. The Yuletide Testament
  23. Toilets
  24. USA's Next Target
  25. Vanity pages
  26. Vegetables
  27. Wheeling Jesuit University
  28. Your Mom after shooting her left toe off
  29. Your Mom's uncle
  30. Anal warts
  31. Lard Prik
  32. Naconkantari
  33. Your history teacher
  34. Random flying woodland creatures
  35. Green kids
  36. Armpit hair

HOLY HUZZAHS PEOPLE CAN WRITE STUPID' THINGS!!

This is the internet

From Class warfare [1]

It is better like an ostrich burying its head in the sand to not so view society.
--User:Fredbauder, 05:56, 27 August 2002

An ostrich does not bury its head in the sand. Rather is puts its head flat on the ground to give the appearance of burying its head in the sand if it were to bury its head in the sand it would not be able to breathe properly due to lack of oxygen.

From Egyptian languages [2]

A dead language that eventually not even Egyptians could read. The end.
--Anonymous, 20:56, 22 December 2001

So, does that make Latin a dead language that eventually not even latinos could read?
--ixi jim ixi

From J. Edgar Hoover [3]

President Richard Nixon's comment's on hearing that Hoover had just passed away ("That old cocksucker? We thought he was immortal.") cannot be taken literally, due to Nixon's well-documented predilection for prevarication.


--Anonymous, 01:34, 28 October 2001

From Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theater. John F. Kennedy was shot in a Ford Lincoln. Gerald Ford was shot at, but they missed.

(Actually, this is supposed to be true. There was actually a wide range of coincidences involving the deaths of Lincoln and Kennedy. Quite a few of these can be verified. - Arno)
(Actually true, Lincoln shot in Ford theatre, Kennedy in a Ford Lincoln. Lincoln's secretary was called Kennedy, Kennedy's - Lincoln. Both wives dreamt assassination in advance*.Both succeeded by a Johnson. [JTD]
  • (Can I add something..well of course both wives are going to have dreams <or nightmares> of assaniation of their husband if he is not racist against another race as much of America was at those times. Also Lincoln was against slavery and most people wanted it so you can expect they would dream about someone going too far and assassinating someone who is trying to stop their main means of making money. Not being racist against African-Americans or being disrespectful to two of the greatest presidents in America but it seems true...)
(There are a wide range of instances with regards to any two things, most of them are pure luck. With regards to Lincoln/Kennedy, visit Urban Legends: Lincoln/Kennedy for more information.) - TimmyD 06:57 Apr 28, 2003 (UTC)
Kennedy's secretary was called Lincoln, but while Lincoln's secretary was called John, his last name was Nicolay, not Kennedy. --Marnen Laibow-Koser 17:23, 21 Oct 2004 (UTC)

It should be noted that week before their respected shootings, President Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland while President Kennedy was in Marylin Monroe. ;-)

Marylin Monroe - June 1, 1926 – August 5, 1962
The assassination of John F. Kennedy took place on Friday, November 22, 1963
Obviously necrophilia then.

Yeah but what a body -heh heh-

From Agnostida [4]

Trilobits that aren't entirely sure whether or not God exists. Just kidding.
--User:Larry Sanger, 18:28, 14 April 2001

Which humourless twit deleted this brilliant joke?

^Amen... There are precious few paleontology jokes this good.

From History of computing

The Flintstones used devices to aid in computation millions of years ago, for instance the abacus.

Did their abacus make sardonic comments like their other household appliances? Michael Sidlofsky 03:06, 25 Nov 2004 (UTC)

July 14 2006 Like when Homer was building that church in The Simpsons, i think he was mixing cement in a pelicans beak, to whence he stated "If the flintstones have taught us anything, its that animals make great tools, Hee hee hee, now say something in a dismissive manner, like (sigh), it's a living..." at this point, it became apparent the bird had died in the mixing process, much to the viewer's delight in comical reference.

From talk:Mammalia

"(Linnaeus named the order mammals for their breasts because he wanted to encourage women to breast-feed their infants.)"

Really?! Who knew they had formula way back then!

From Bird [5]

Birds go "GAW GAW!" which stands for "God Always Wins! God Always Wins!", which shows that birds do praise God and indeed go to heaven, in accordance with His divine providence. And don't even try and tell me this is wrong, because my freshman year theology teacher said it was true, and you wouldn't call an 80 year old retired Marine Officer and now a Benedictine Monk a liar, would you? Huh? Would ya, punk?
--Anonymous, 03:35, 28 November 2001

I would. Especially since birds don't go "GAW GAW"
I would too, because I don't even believe in God.68.18.103.98 17:35, 24 November 2005 (UTC)

It's true, I just leaned over and asked God and he said it was.

Yeah...the previous poster asked me on my talk page.--Lwieise -=- Talk to Me 11:00, 1 May 2006 (UTC)
According to the official translation of God always win in french (Dieu gagne toujours), birds in france should go "DGT-DGT"... But they go "CUI-CUI", so what's wrong?? Whistopathe 21:51, 2 June 2006 (UTC)
The French are Stupid and I think that pretty much sums it all up right there... --137.244.215.19 20:43, 29 November 2006 (UTC)
Tru dat...
god is just an evil fucker who gave man enough blood to only use either his penis of his brain, resulting in overpopulation of the world to an apocaliptic end for his own amusement. like i said, god is just an evil fucker watching us like a stand up commedy. --74.60.132.58 13:52, 10 May 2007 (UTC)


'WiiWillieWiki→(Talk) (Contrib)

From Algorithm [6]

The term should not be confused with "Algoreism" -- meaning an embarassingly funny remark attributed to Al Gore, such as, "I invented the Internet".
--Anonymous, 13:45, 31 March 2002

This should be put back in IMMEDIATELY!!!-- Retinarow 18:27, 31 March 2006 (UTC)

Indeed. Kashami 02:02, 12 June 2006 (UTC)

Even though only Ann Cunter used the term "invented". Al Gore used the term "created", in reference to his pushing for early research into the internet when he was a senator genius. Miller 17:56, 19 June 2006 (UTC)

Ann Cunter! What a brilliant last name. As Jeffree Star might put it, "WE WANT CUNTER!" ... Yuh I'm childish.

From Hippopotamus

Hippos are just too cool for school!

no, actually, there are a couple in my geometry class...they take up a bit of room, but the teacher doesn't mind :)

There's also some who are as fat/thick as them.

Note: Above link broken.

This one works.

Note: Also broken.

Then what's a hippocampus?

Actually, there's a hippo in my 5th grade class. His name is Paul. -User:KinseyLOL

A hippocampus is a mythological animal with the head of a horse and the body of a fish. So, much like a mer-horse. Anyone making a sea-horse joke WILL be shot.

In soviet rrussia, horse seas YOU!!

beep The hippocampus is the memory center of the brain

I wouldn't say it's the center, more or less the medial ventral part. P.S. Kinsey, when you grow up you will realize how stupid that joke was...

I am grown up (sorta) and don't find that stupid. 24.63.3.115 14:10, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

From CARROTS

WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL CARROTS HOME PAGE ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB!! CARROTS ARE A VEGETABLE. YOU CAN EAT THEM IN SALADS AND SOUPS. YOU CAN EAT THEM IN DESERTS AND JAIL. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON CARROTS. 


   Can you eat other vegetables in jail as well, or will that affect your parole hearing?

Ahh, the inestimable beauty of the zeugma.

Your hearing - parole or otherwise - should remain unaffected but if you do not eat carrots you may experience deterioration of your parole eyesight.

Donkeys like carrots Carrots don't like donkeys It's silly, but it's funny French child-song

FNORD!

From Battle of Tsushima [7]

russian meet japan for a naval fight. russia start to loose but then the russian avatar came down and ate all of the japs. the japs could do nothing but summon godzilla. godzilla and the russian avatar named the Czar fought for many years until king kong stopped them, and then the three of them went and fought motha!
--Anonymous, 10:50, 5 June 2002

You mean "Mothra", right? ok, thats just plain stupid

From Henry David Thoreau [8]

Thoreau went into the woods and made love to trees. No kidding. He actually had sexual intercourse with them. Far out, huh?
--Anonymous, 23:15, 8 March 2002</br>

That would hurt if he got a splinter. Aviatophobiac 14:40, 24 July 2006 (UTC)

From Cactolith

A cactolith is a quasihorizontal chonolith composed of anastomosing ductoliths whose distal ends curl like a harpolith, thin like a sphenolith, or bulge discordantly like an akmolith or ethmolith.

(note: A google search shows that this quote is actually in a 1953 geology book, Hunt, Charles B.; Paul Averitt and Ralph L. Miller Geology and Geography of the Henry Mountains Region, Utah ...)

That doesn't make it any the more intelligible...

(Info about the writer of that 1953 paper, Charles B. Hunt: ---- "Whilst he was in fact describing an actual geological feature - a Laccolith which he saw as resembling a cactus - he was also, tongue-in-cheek, commenting on what he saw as an absurd number of "-lith" words in the field of Geology". ---- taken from AAR)

Do not confuse with Catholic.

"Cacto" in Greek means cactus. "Lith" is actually a Greek word meaning "stone" or "rock". Hence Cactolith would be a "stone cactus"

A cactus stone, actually, not a stone cactus

No, it would be a stone cactus because in greek you put the adjective after the noun

That was so funny I forgot to laugh.

Marx and Marx

From United States Army

The United States Army is a great deal more famous due to the image below: http://adfware.free.fr/gay/cupashutdafuckup.jpg

Lol, thanks for re-posting it where it belongs ;).

I have that picture taped to my door

From Commerce

Commerce is the home of many famous, and well-endowed red-headed women. These are available in the many outlet malls around this grumpy town off I-85 in north Georgia

For the record, this is factually true.

No Men?

From Microsoft [9]

Win•dows

Noun.

A thirty-two bit extension and graphical shell to a sixteen-bit patch to an eight-bit operating system originally coded for a four-bit microprocessor which was written by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition. -LW
--Anonymous, 08:48, 20 September 2002

Oh, come on. This is certainly true, even if the "secondary" meanings of the words are bias. It's also an brief statement of Window's history
But Microsoft didn't write it in the beginning. Herorev 07:47, 17 May 2006 (UTC)
This is actuall true, Xerox was the first to create the GUI operating systems, Apple traded it for shares, then Microsoft copied Apple.
This should be put back in, its hilarious but true. Davis W 10:21, 05 November 2006 (UTC)
Especially if their rivals (Linux) cost zero bits (or dollars, or yen, or pesos, or whatever)! 60.224.113.216 09:15, 15 March 2007 (UTC)

Aren't they all sueing each other now? It's prety funny

I'm sorry, what's this about 'traded for shares'? Steve Jobs just lured some Xerox engineers away from Palo Alto and STOLE the whole idea! In their arrogance, Xerox, who didn't know the worth of what they'd got anyway, just dismissed the theft as unimportant. It wasn't until 12 years later when MicroSoft stole it from Apple that Xerox got annoyed and sued Apple for stealing it from them. Unsurprisingly, the judge threw it out.

I don't know about that last part, but for the rest, just watch Pirates of Silicon Valley. I've seen it four times in four years.—Michael 16:42, 18 June 2007 (UTC)

From Insecta [10]

Let's not overlook the (genus?) Nupedia, a kind of fly!  ;-)
--User:Josh Grosse, 16:30, 5 July 2001

  • There actually is such a fly, though it's not mentioned often, and I'm not sure whether it's a genus, subgenus, old name, or what. It's in the family Anthomyiidae. -phma

From Drexel Shaft [11]

The Drexel Shaft is more than a building. It's a metaphor for everything Drexel University will screw you over on. Things like lost health insurance forms, six fire drills in a week, being forced out of your dormatory every time a break exceeds three days... those and more are what makes Drexel so special!

Legend has it that every time a student gets screwed over by the University, it grows another inch.

Why was this deleted? Ask anyone at Drexel about the Drexel Shaft and this is their definition. The secondary definition is that it is a building.
(I resubmitted this entry, since it seemed to fit nicely with the sentiments many college students feel about being lost in the paper chase. Maybe it was removed due to copyrights, but it does convey some of the important college culture. --JD)

Being a freshman about to leave for Christmas break, I too can feel the effects of The Drexel Shaft. I dread the fire drill that will come in the middle of a January night when both elevators are broken (again) while I sleep in my 9th floor room. I would also like to say that it is an honor to have the university be known for this.

Also known as the elevators in Kelly Hall, an eleven story dorm, that break on the average of once every fourteen hours.

Within two weeks of my freshman matriculation day I experienced a "screwing over by the University". Shortly afterwards I was informed by several upper classmen that there was a well defined and widely used proper term for my experience. The "Drexel Shaft" is certainly every bit a real and encyclopedia worthy item and a well known term to tens of thousands of Drexel alumni. I agree that this should not have been deleted. Check out 50% of the bathroom stalls on campus and you will find this term scratched into the back of the door. For most of us alumni that treasure our education at Drexel, this is almost a term of endearment. I would like to see this term elevated to general use and defined as "the screwing over of any university student by their university." Wikipedia is certain the vehicle for just such an elevation.

A.K.A. "DU Shaft" - pronounced "duh-shaft"

Stingray11806 05:06, 16 December 2006 (UTC)stingray11806

From Battle of Otford

THE BATTLE OF OTFORD IS STILL ONGOING, I HAVE A BATTLE TO PARK MY CAR EVERY TIME I GO THERE

Actually the battle of Otford was a commercial stunt that didn`t work out, funded by the McDonalds company, intending to sell more computers

[McDonalds doesn`t sell computers, do they?]

that`s why it didn`t work out

From Wikipedia:Vandal bots

Vandal bots are malicous programs which deliberatley vandalise wiki based websites, these bots can wreck websites at an amazing rate. To imfamous vandal bots include

Ram-Man Bot, This bot autogenerated 50,000+ articles about EVERY settlement in the united states, using us census data. The articles are nothing but complete nonsence, and it DDOSed Wikipedia for several weeks.

Sciplius, this bot automaticly deletes articles at random..

Vandal bots are very malicous, but blocking them is almost impossible, it is up to the community to keep the wikipedia free from vandal bots, there could be new attacks in the future.

[side note from a n00b: people, what's wrong with this /\ ???]
I think the joke is that those are legitimate bots. The Rambot, for example, was designed to create and update U.S. city information. See Wikipedia:Bots. --Jeff 17:54, Jan 24, 2005 (UTC)
Acute observation

From Witness [12]

It was filmed in Intercourse, although no intercourse actually is shown in the film
--User:Ed Poor, 20:57, 20 September 2002

Oh, I thought it was filmed in Intercourse, Virginia. A far better place to be!

From Oatmeal

Oatmeal contains small monsters that eat excess fat and help aid resfull sleep.

From Unwritten article

Unwritten article:

  1. A piece of writing not yet completed
  2. This!

[Ed note: Don't you mean: "Thi..." ?]

From Amoeba [13]

Most ameobae range from about 1 mm. But in Japan a 30 foot long amoeba was found after the atomic blast in Hiroshima. It is the largest recorded amoeba in history and has devoured two human beings. if you see this amoeba it is recommended to run for higher land. if you are in water dive under and swim to the safety of the land. Do not feed this amoeba because it will become even hungryer and chase you until it has devoured you too. This happened to the two humans. Many small dogs are missing so if you have a small pet keep it inside and away from water!
--Anonymous, 07:49, 6 December 2002

This deserves a Pullet Surprise. --Ashi
Hahaha, this is hilarious!
Amazing. Simply amazing.
Nice.
Actually, the largest amoeba is 11,000 miles wide, floats randomly in space, and feeds off raw energy.

isnt that from star trek?

From Emily Dickinson

She wrote stuff about the tree that thoreau had sex with. Then she went crazy and died.

From John F. Kennedy

The Russian mob was chasing Kennedy in a slow speed through Dallas on the day his father was shot. This child fell out of the back of the car. He was picked up by Chinese intelligence officers. they sent him to Siberia where the Russian mob thought he would perish. A pack of wolves took Jr. under the paws and raised him. He was released into his moms custody by the intelligent wolves. The wolves died shortly after.

This is based off the Romulus and Remus story of the founding of Rome isn't it. Inspired, if not technically accurate.

After leaving the wolves, Jr. Kennedy raised a town called Pittsburgh

Romulus and Remus weren't given back to their mom, weren't sent to Siberia, and had no connection to china. also, i seriously doubt Jr. Kennedy ever killed a sibling! get your myth straight!

From Complex analysis joke

Q: Why is the integral around Poland nonzero?

A: Because it's full of simple poles.

Colour is actually pronounced culer. And it's not British English, it's just English, spoken in England.

Stop making all those llama noises! I'm starting to get horny!

Does any one know what the Stargate's ninth chevron does.

It makes Amanda Tappings run around naked.


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this is Alex Cattich

What are you talking about? I deleted "other nonsense" and yout name is bad jokes. When did you make this BIG lie up. I dont even Know what you are talking about.

Um, what? Nwwaew 21:20, 24 March 2008 (PDT)
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