The original Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense
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- 1 From George Washington
- 2 From Kevin the Kleptomatic and Ever So Slightly Flatulent Koala
- 3 From 2109
- 4 From Kylie Minogue
- 5 From Fen
- 6 From Class warfare
- 7 From Egyptian languages
- 8 From Funeral
- 9 From J. Edgar Hoover
- 10 From Cincinnati
- 11 From Idiosyncratic
- 12 From HareKrishna
- 13 From AustriA
- 14 From Actors
- 15 From LoGic
- 16 From Abraham Lincoln
- 17 From Bad Bread Joke
- 18 From Agnostida
- 19 From Cannabis
- 20 From MAC address
- 21 From New World Order
- 22 From History of computing
- 23 From Muslim Language
- 24 From 831
- 25 From Talk:Mammalia
- 26 From JohnnyCash
- 27 From Bird
- 28 From Algorithm
- 29 From a justification for an edit given by a Wikipedian
- 30 From Eep
- 31 From 2Pac
- 32 From Dont ask, dont tell
- 33 From Jon Voight
- 34 From KGB, listed as heads of the KGB
- 35 From Hippopotamus
- 36 From Henotheism
- 37 From Far-fetched belief
- 38 From Brown
- 39 From Grace Hopper
- 40 From Hot Grits
- 41 From CARROTS
- 42 From How to tell the origin of an accent (Hebrew)
- 43 From Erica Fishbein-Gold
- 44 From Clam Dip
- 45 From Battle of Tsushima
- 46 From Henry David Thoreau
- 47 From the deleted article Millions of worthless entries
- 48 From Most popular family names
- 49 From Cactolith
- 50 Marx and Marx
- 51 From United States Army
- 52 From Commerce, Georgia
- 53 From Ahmed Alnami
- 54 From Microsoft
- 55 From Insect
- 56 From Drexel Shaft (now deleted)
- 57 From Popper
- 58 From Bob Marley
- 59 From Battle of Otford
- 60 From Wikipedia:Vandal bots
- 61 From Danielle Brisbois
- 62 From Witness (1985 movie)
- 63 From Cristóbal Colón
- 64 From Oatmeal
- 65 From Secret decoder ring
- 66 From Center for Strategic and International Studies
- 67 From Unwritten article
- 68 From Amoeba
- 69 From Peristalsis
- 70 From Jehovah's Witnesses
- 71 From Aibohphobia
- 72 From Emily Dickinson
- 73 From John F. Kennedy, Jr.
- 74 From Linda Lovelace and the free Congo state
- 75 From Pat Kenny
- 76 From a deleted page titled wikibrig
- 77 From wikibrig's talk page
- 78 From Neighbours
- 79 From Esquiline
- 80 From Viagra
- 81 From Complex analysis joke
Warning - do not smoke recreational substances while working on the wikipedia, or you too may produce entries like this:
From George Washington
george washington ate PURPLE peas and washed them down with GREEN beer
Washing machines are made of taters!
2109-Many animals are taken over or eaten by robots, they are consumed as light snacks. Robots learn to reproduce with their gigantic huge and delicous metal dicks. They become horny 24/7.
One wonders exactly who first discovered the metal dicks. Or how. Or WHY. Some people need a new hobby, methinks.
(not to be confused with cyborg canines with prosthetic penii (as in each one having a metal/flesh penis with two or more heads and shafts but the same 'stem') these are a completely human creation, bastard children of vetrinary and scince. Remnents of the great great robot revolution, used to hunt robots for sport, who were then caught and put on the robot reservation...the robots were caught, not the dogs.
From Kylie Minogue
From an old revision of Kylie Minogue:
+ She is the more beautiful and more talented older sister of Dannii Minogue.
An anonymous user was inspired to append to this entry: She can't sing. She can't dance. She should go far. The moon would do.
Fens were a 3-legged race of migrant smelly dwarves who nobody really liked but were uncertain how to get rid of in a nice way.They had a habit of making cucumber & eggy pies which tended to give them really awful gas which they had no qualms about sharing with whomever might be nearby.Although this was all done in a jovial nature it did not endear them in the least to the general population of England.Gertrit Mortldue is credited with ridding the Isles of them by starting a small, but effective, army of followers who befriended these dwarves and put gunpowder in their pies whenever they were not looking. Then the next time a Fen passed gas to a cohort he (or she) was blown to Smithereens. Smithereens is a small Isle off the coast of................
[Off the coast of where?!? I must find this mysterious location!!!]
It's Alaska, for you're information.
you crazy fool, Smithereens is in scotland, behind the horseshoe bar.
No, i do believe that smithereens is located next to atlantis, in the atlantic ocean. It was submerged benief the waves, and when it rose, the dwarves were clean and friendly, and gave cucumber & eggy pies to everybody.
From Class warfare
It is better like an Ostrich burying its head in the sand to not so view society.
From Egyptian languages
A dead language that eventually not even Egyptians could read. The end.
Funerals don't have to be expensive. They can be extremely cheap, and also environmentally sound. The best way to go is in a cardboard coffin, with a tree planted on top.
I think this conceivably was not intended as a joke
Indeed not- I have attended such a funeral of a local 'green' activist, makes a lot of sense to me. Personally i'd like to see the comment restored, if perhaps more tactfully rephrased... quercus robur
- "Old Morty recons a lot on 'em started using three-quarter inch boards to save money, but 'e reckons 'e'd rather lie inside a inch. Ar, that's thicker." - from a Bernard Miles record of the 1950s
Captain Planet would not have wanted it any other way!
<warning - in bad taste|What about the "Feb 2002, Georgia Solution"?</warning - in bad taste|
Valid point. This is not a joke and I revised the entry.
From J. Edgar Hoover
- President Richard Nixon's comment's on hearing that Hoover had just passed away ("That old cocksucker? We thought he was immortal.") cannot be taken literally, due to Nixon's well-documented predilection for prevarication.
America's most liveable city.
Not an (intentional) joke. Cincinnati was rated the #1 place to live in the 1993 "Places Rated Almanac"
My dad knew him.
(For more on little-known religions' positions on sex, see BokoNonism.)
Austrians are known as the best lovers worldwide. Ha ha ha! You mean that's not an objective fact?! :-) Ever been to Austria?? Then you'll know what I mean;-)
Of course this has to be deleted this not a neutral point of view. To be objective everybody these are the French. ;) Ericd 03:17 Sep 8, 2002 (UTC)
Q: How do you make a little box?
A: With little boards. ;-)
What do you mean by 'little box'?
I think they're talking about Ted's mom.
The ultimate goal of logic is to show nothing can be proved. Italic textBut by proving something cannot be proved, the thing in question in proved anyway.
From Abraham Lincoln
- (Actually, this is supposed to be true. There was actually a wide range of coincidences involving the deaths of Lincoln and Kennedy. Quite a few of these can be verified. - Arno)
- (Actually true, Lincoln shot in Ford theatre, Kennedy in a Ford Lincoln. Lincoln's secretary was called Kennedy, Kennedy's - Lincoln. Both wives dreamt assassination in advance.Both succeeded by a Johnson. [JTD]
- (There are a wide range of instances with regards to any two things, most of them are pure luck. With regards to Lincoln/Kennedy, visit <a href=http://www.snopes.com/history/american/linckenn.htm%7CUrban Legends: Lincoln/Kennedy]] for more information.) - TimmyD 06:57 Apr 28, 2003 (UTC)
- Kennedy's secretary was called Lincoln, but while Lincoln's secretary was called John, his last name was Nicolay, not Kennedy. --Marnen Laibow-Koser 17:23, 21 Oct 2004 (UTC)
It should be noted that week before their respected shootings, President Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland while President Kennedy was in Marylin Monroe. ;-)
- Marylin Monroe - June 1, 1926 – August 5, 1962
- The assassination of John F. Kennedy took place on Friday, November 22, 1963
- Look at the damn page that explains why a lot of these are not true -Iopq 02:41, 28 October 2005 (UTC)
From Bad Bread Joke
- Jonny went in to the bakers & asked for a loaf of bread.
- Baker; "White or brown"
- Jonny; "It doesn't matter, I'm on my bike."
I believe this joke may belong to the honourable tradition of "nonsense jokes", which have the appearance of logic, but ultimately defy logic, whence the humour. Others include:
Two nuns in a bath. One says "Pass the soap", and the other says "What am I, a radio?"
Man goes up to other man and says "Give me a bite of your apple". First man says "It's not a pear, it's a banana."
If I'm canoeing up a tree, how many cupcakes does it take to get to the moon? None, since vests don't have sleeves.
(ed. Queen of Fools) The purpose of the above jokes is something only acheived when the joke is actually told. It is almost impossible when you read them. The jokes, especially that about the nuns (can also be substituted with muffins, spatulas, or panda bears), are supposed to be told with the appearance that it is really funny, and once told, see which poor sap laughs at the joke. When you read it, you know that it makes no sense, but if you make someone think that it really is funny, they just don't get it...it all turns out okay! ;-D
The nuns joke quoted above actually appears to be a bowdlerised version of a dirty joke that was popular in British school playgrounds of the 1970's though it is possibly much older:
Two nuns in a bath. One says "Where's the soap?", and the other says "It does, doesn't it?"
It is possible that someone who didn't get the pun ("where's" sounds like "wears") and the sexual reference wrongly interpreted this as a nonesense joke and so assumed it was OK to change the punchline to anything random.
- The bread joke probably is a nonsense joke, but it could also be interpreted: Jonny rides home on his bike through the muddy streets, therefore even white bread would be brown by the time he gets it home. The title "Bad Bread Joke" is equally amibiguous: the adjective "bad" could be modifying either "bread" or "bread joke". :-) Benc 15:13, Jul 22, 2004 (UTC)
- This is a translation of a very old Slovenian nonsense joke. Zocky 01:14, 11 Sep 2004 (UTC)
For some reason, particular words seem to be common in non-jokes (as they are also called). Polar bears, radios, tortoises. For instance:
Two polar bears are sitting on an iceberg. One falls in the water, the other turns to him and says "bye bye radio!"
A man walks into a bar with a tortoise on his head. He asks for some cheese. The bartender says "but this is a bar", so the man says "that's OK, the tortoise is paying". Grutness 13:41, 20 Oct 2004 (UTC)
I have a potato joke that is seriously funnier than all of these. Smooth Henry 17-Jan-04
It seems obvious that nonsense jokes were unintentionally invented by confused people who didn't get it when they are first told the story, intentionnally invented for the same people by the ones who do get it, and also created to demonstrate that some things are funny enough in essence and don't need any plot addition, things such as polar bears, a radio, a tortoise. Nonsense jokes are very natural, look at the platypus for instance. Izwalito 20:40, 6 Feb 2005 (UTC)
I don't think that joke with the punchline "that's OK, the tortoise is paying" really qualifies as a nonsense joke. It does have a punchline that vaguely makes sense. It's pretty much a non sequitur but not nonsense.
- It has an OBVIOUS punchline - the man is confused on why it's not OK to order cheese. How is this a nonsense joke? There are tons of jokes exactly like it with the same confusion of why something is wrong. -Iopq 02:54, 28 October 2005 (UTC)
Trilobita that aren't entirely sure whether or not God exists. Just kidding.
- Which humourless twit deleted this brilliant joke?
"balls for president"
Was this a reference to Clinton confessing he put a spliff in his mouth in England (where US law can't touch him) and claiming he didn't inhale? Kingal86 21:15, 19 Oct 2004 (UTC)
I'm sure it's not. But what would the US law matter, the act of smoking weed isn't illegal, and past use is also not a crime. And possession is illegal in the UK as well so what are you talking about!
From MAC address
Mac is also my wife's uncle, and a very nice old guy.
Big Mac addresses however, are something entirely different.
From New World Order
Hitler is not dead. The Germans cloned him just before he "died". Hitler and the new world order are behind this. Also, There are some new additions to the New World Order. These new additions are Mussolini, Stalin, Feidel Castro, Atillia the Hun, Genghis Kahn, and Sadam Hussein. --Note- Atillia and Genghis Khan are the descendants of the original people-- they hijacked the planes that hit the world trade center and the Pentagon. (OMG OMG hitler is strangling me)
From History of computing
The Flintstones used devices to aid in computation millions of years ago, for instance the Abacus.
Did their abacus make sardonic comments like their other household appliances? Michael Sidlofsky 03:06, 25 Nov 2004 (UTC)
From Muslim Language
Where's the joke? Why does every other group get made fun of execpt muslims?
Ooooh, grow up, you. I liked that joke about the little box made out of little boards.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door, and put him in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Open the door, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in and close the door
There was a party, in which all animals participated save one - which animal was it?
The giraffe. It's in the fridge.
As you are going home to let the giraffe out of the fridge, you come to a river in Africa. There is a sign that says, DANGER, ALLIGATORS. There is no boat, and no bridge. How do you get across?
Just swim across. The alligators are all at the party.
This is a quotation from an actual study in communications that was done by some researchers a while ago. The point of the line of questioning was that 5 and 6 year olds could understand questions and retrain conditions and facts better than adults.
That is such bullspit. HAIL STAN
In 831, a man named josephintee falltoay had befouled a villager who then placed a curse on the man and then he was forever to walk the earth as skeleton until he could kill the great great great great great great grandson of the man who placed a curse on Josephintee.
- Kids, don't do drugs. :-)
"(Linnaeus named the order mammals for their breasts because he wanted to encourage women to breast-feed their infants.)"
The following seems to be a prose poem about the famous American country singer, JohnnyCash:
"Johnny walked the line, rock island line, on an orange blossom special, fell into a burning ring a' fire, had a boy named sue, on a sunday morning sidewalk, got busted for picking flowers in alabama? georgia?, bennie and the jets.. ain'choo worried 'bout gettin' your nourishment down in florida? i don't care if i do, die, do, die, do.. '56 '57 '58 '59 '61 '62 automobile, folsom prism blues, now slingin rubensesque metallica, waits, revival waddever songs of sin and redemption"
Birds go "GAW GAW!" which stands for "God Always Wins! God Always Wins!", which shows that birds do praise God and indeed go to heaven, in accordance with His divine providence. And don't even try and tell me this is wrong, because my freshman year theology teacher said it was true, and you wouldn't call an 80 year old retired Marine Officer and now a Benedictine Monk a liar, would you? Huh? Would ya, punk?
I would. Especially since birds don't go "GAW GAW"<br| I would too, because I don't even believe in God.22.214.171.124 17:35, 24 November 2005 (UTC)
The term should not be confused with "Algoreism" -- meaning an embarassingly funny remark attributed to Al Gore, such as, "I invented the Internet".
From a justification for an edit given by a Wikipedian
"I'm a twerp. I don't want to know the truth, nor do I care about the truth. Everyone else that bothers coming in contact with me are buffoons. That's why I don't like talking to other people because of my higher intelligence. If you disagree with me you are a imbecile and I will stop at nothing to prove it, even if it means lying and distortion of the truth. " Actually, i disagree with this
eep opp ork aah-aah
The above line is the chorus of a song featured in the Hanna-Barbara cartoon, 'The Jetsons'. In the classic episode 'A Date With Jet Screamer', George's daughter Judy enters a songwriting contest in order to win a date with her singing idol, Jet Screamer. On his way to mail her entry, George reads her lyrics. Finding them terrible, he decides to subsitute his son Elroy's secret message code (eep opp ork aah-aah). The entry wins the contest and Judy goes on a date with Jet Screamer. George follows them and ends up playing drums in Jet Screamer's band.
the monkey says i love you
A stunning redition of the song, Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah (Means I Love You), has been done by the Violent Femmes. --LittleRobotWoman
2Pac was the greatest of all time, and continues to be. Trash the government and all them niggaz who shot him down. Damn, they can't stand a nigga toppin the charts. Thug in Peace my nigga 'Pac.
From Dont ask, dont tell
2Pac Shakur, who ardually fought against the policy and its ban on gays, was later on gunned down (September 1996) by government officials, in an attempt to silence his, thuggish, though vey talented voice. For more on 2Pac, aka Makaveli, aka the Greatest Don of all time, please go here 2Pac.
From Jon Voight
Jon Voigt is semi-gay, resulting in his bisexual daughter.
Hippos are just too cool for school!
no, actually, there are a couple in my geometry class...they take up a bit of room, but the teacher doesn't mind :)
There's also some who are as fat/thick as them.
Note: Above link broken.
This one works.
Describe the new page here. There exists GOD. He is so great that in order for us to understand him, he shows himself in more than one way (TRINITY). However, EVOLUTION was not the creation of godthefather. The angels were. They were "perfect" in everyway. godthefather (mr-know-it-all) created angels (minigods, gods of the pantheon), each one to display his myriad of emotions. But, as the chinese proverb Goes, a house divided against itself cannot stand. These "emotions" were conflicting and "running rampant" in "heaven". Similar to Nordic mythology it had three main players: Odin(mr know it all), Thor (Jesus Christ), and Loki (not satan, no, the HOLY SPIRIT, who moves in mysterious ways, who is the ultimate master of disguise and INTRUIGE. Think, chinese proverb in relation to the Trinity). So anyway, loki pisses off thor, thor comes to save the world, but "Marvel Comics" leaves this part out: THOR DIES, in the most altruistic mode (think Jesus Christ and SELF SACRIFICE) or think outside of the box, think SOCRATES. So after "Thor" makes this ultimate fool out of his "warrior image", men scoff at him (much like the "pharisees") scoffed at Christ. So what happens is that "Evolution" is created. Man doesn't see the need to sacrifice himself. Only the self righteous (you know who I'm talking about, the born again baptist fundamentalists) try to recreate Christ's crucifixion in their daily lives, but they miss the big picture: THEY HAVE NO RIGHT SACRIFICING THEMSELVES IF JESUS WAS TRULY 'thor'. Maybe Jesus thought he was invincible, much like the action hero "thor", but he didn't count on the resourcefulness of "evil". That is, ahem, the ability for minds to change and turn against the one who has the "answers" out of any "emotion". Gentlemen, what I am trying to explain is that in this point of evolution, man is nothing but an extremely complex, extremely "narcissictic" ANIMAL. If man is to ever be perfect he has to return to his mr-know-it-all way of thinking. Man has to emulate small things at first, like computers, but eventually, maybe, man will live beyond physical limitations, beyond science, beyond THE HUMAN MIND. The human mind is the only AI that is ever gonna exist. The human mind is "The Matrix". The human mind has conjured up legends of the most perfect angel (LUCIFER) "the ultimate narcissist (tried to play god.......genetics maybe?)" and God the Father "threw him out of paridise". If that isn't the ultimate parody on today's reality, I don't know what is. In order for the human brain to reach its potential, it's state of "COMPUTER" instead of its state of BOMIS, is for people to start being honest, upfront, and carrying a big motherfucking stick to back it up. That's the only way the "Animal" listens in the end: INSTINCT. This word that you are creating means, follow your instincts to the "PROMISED LAND".
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ... SOUNDS REASONABLE TO ME! :-)
Sounds like some Polar bear needs to quit listening to his radio.--Awhit003 06:08, 22 September 2005 (UTC)
From Far-fetched belief
(The theory was part of the Angel article. But since aliens and UFOs are generally dismissed as nonsense, so is this theory.)
Some atheists believe that angels were crews of an alien starship that visited earth a long time ago. These crews wore space suits with a glass bubble helmet which was mistaken as halo. Their space suits had wings that allowed them to fly like Buzz Lightyear in the cartoon Toy Story.
The captain of the starship went by the name Jahveh. A mutiny took place on board. A high ranking officer by the name of Lucifer and his followers were exciled to earth after the failed mutiny. The unexplainable alien technologies were viewed as miracles by the primitive human civilization at the time. The starship stayed with humanity for a long time until the captain's son was crucified by the people on earth due to his extensive knowledge. The aliens gave up on humanity and departed, they promised to return, 'warning' humans of a united 'world government' that would try to destroy them.
Those atheists believe the books of Bible can be consistently explained in terms of alien visitation. The sharp difference between the angry God who flooded and burned humanity in the Old Testament and the lack of similar punishments in the New Testament and in today's world was explained by the departure of the starship.
Far fetched beliefs : Religions
Brown commonly refers to Scott Brown, the most high!!!!! he will rule the universe with an iron toilet seat! His wrath will fall from the sky like ......something that ....falls...from..the sky? Also, Brown, Alton, host of Good Eats, commonly known as the best chef on the Food Network, viewing food and cooking with an offbeat, fun, and scientific eye.
From Grace Hopper
Bad Jokes Section
What is a Grace Hopper? A grasshopper in church.
Told you it was the bad joke section! :)
I just poured HOT GRITS down my pants
WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL CARROTS HOME PAGE ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB!! CARROTS ARE A VEGETABLE. YOU CAN EAT THEM IN SALADS AND SOUPS. YOU CAN EAT THEM IN DESERTS AND JAIL. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON CARROTS.
Can you eat other vegetables in jail as well, or will that affect your parole hearing?
Ahh, the inestimable beauty of the zeugma.
From How to tell the origin of an accent (Hebrew)
Sometimes they yell at each other or slam on table but they don't mean to be rude, it is just the way they speak.
From Erica Fishbein-Gold
Erica s a wpner of a woman. She glides through the air with the greatest of ease, yes she glides through the air in a flying trapeze. She jumps and she shouts and she does sorts of things she can do anything because of what she brings to the park and the class of the grade of one two she has two feet and on each a shoe. Yay Erica.
Clam Dip: The god of soggy potato chips in modern mythology.
His powers include, but are not limited to: Conjuring potato chips, superfast munching and silly jokes.
From Battle of Tsushima
russian meet japan for a naval fight. russia start to loose but then the russian avatar came down and ate all of the japs. the japs could do nothing but summon godzilla. godzilla and the russian avatar named the Czar fought for many years until king kong stopped them, and then the three of them went and fought motha!
You mean "Mothra", right?
From Henry David Thoreau
Thoreau went into the woods and made love to trees. No kidding. He actually had sexual intercourse with them. Far out, huh?
From the deleted article Millions of worthless entries
What is the Wikipedia
(editor's note: for the record, 99% of Australians are as likely to run into a crocodile as a resident of Portland, Oregon is to run into an alligator.)
- (But aren't we all editors?)
(Further note: By contrast, despite their cumbersome mode of locomotion, Australian babies seem to be as likely to run into a hungry dingo as a resident of Los Angeles, California is to run into a traffic jam.)
Do you mean they don't have alligators in Oregon, or they do? Kingal86 21:18, 19 Oct 2004 (UTC)
Of course they don't have them there, except in zoos. The weather gets really really cold and wet there every fall, getting down to a few degrees above freezing and 100% humidity. 07:11, 31 Jan 2005 (UTC)
That is a bold and blatant lie. You besmirch the weather of Oregon. Many of my best Oregonian friends keep pet gators in their backyard ponds. They thrive there far better than in the Outback.
It's not a lie if you live in the Willamette Valley. If you live in other zones, the weather may be different. Where do you live? Max 20:17, 16 August 2005 (UTC)
In Alphen a/d Rijn of course!
(note: A google search shows that this quote is actually in a 1953 geology book, Hunt, Charles B.; Paul Averitt and Ralph L. Miller Geology and Geography of the Henry Mountains Region, Utah ...)
- That doesn't make it any the more intelligible...
(Info about the writer of that 1953 paper, Charles B. Hunt: ---- "Whilst he was in fact describing an actual geological feature - a Laccolith which he saw as resembling a cactus - he was also, tongue-in-cheek, commenting on what he saw as an absurd number of "-lith" words in the field of Geology". ---- taken from AAR)
Marx and Marx
From United States Army
The United States Army is a great deal more famous due to the image below: http://adfware.free.fr/gay/cupashutdafuckup.jpg
Lol, thanks for re-posting it where it belongs ;).
From Commerce, Georgia
Commerce is the home of many famous, and well-endowed red-headed women. These are available in the many outlet malls around this grumpy town off I-85 in north Georgia
From Ahmed Alnami
Terrorism aside, he was actually quite a good looking guy.
A thirty-two bit extension and graphical shell to a sixteen-bit patch to an eight-bit operating system originally coded for a four-bit microprocessor which was written by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition. -LW
- Oh, come on. This is certainly true, even if the "secondary" meanings of the words are bias. It's also an brief statement of Window's history
Let's not overlook the (genus?) Nupedia, a kind of fly! ;-)
- There actually is such a fly, though it's not mentioned often, and I'm not sure whether it's a genus, subgenus, old name, or what. It's in the family Anthomyiidae. -phma
From Drexel Shaft (now deleted)
The Drexel Shaft is more than a building. It's a metaphor for everything Drexel University will screw you over on. Things like lost health insurance forms, six fire drills in a week, being forced out of your dormatory every time a break exceeds three days... those and more are what makes Drexel so special!
Legend has it that every time a student gets screwed over by the University, it grows another inch.
- Why was this deleted? Ask anyone at Drexel about the Drexel Shaft and this is their definition. The secondary definition is that it is a building.
- (I resubmitted this entry, since it seemed to fit nicely with the sentiments many college students feel about being lost in the paper chase. Maybe it was removed due to copyrights, but it does convey some of the important college culture. --JD)
Put your text for the new page here. POPPERS GIVES U A BANGING HEADACHE AND IT LOOSENS YOUR ARSEHOLE MAINLEY FOR GUY PEOPLE AND RECHEADS
From Bob Marley
Miami, Florida, May 11 1981 - Remember when Bob Marley brought reggae to life in the 1960s and 1970s? Now he is dead, and as a result, so is reggae. Marley, 36, was giving a tour at Miami, Florida, when there was a sudden outbreak of testalgia. Testalgia is a fatal disease that causes the testicles to shrink and harden. Anyway, Bob Marley caught the disease while giving his concert, and a minute later, he felt his testicles shriveling up. He had to announce in public that he was dying of testalgia and therefore could not continue the show. The audience booed. He died a few minutes later, and everyone felt sad. It was the end of the reggae era. The next day, everyone in the city came to his funeral. As the "apostle of reggae", as Marley was known, was laid to rest at the cemetery, the people of Miami all watched in horror. Recently in to Miami from New York City, pop/rock superstar Billy Joel, who heard about Bob Marley's death, wrote two songs at once, both about the death. They were, of course, "Miami 2017 (a.k.a. "Seen The Lights Go Down On Broadway") and "Only The Good Die Young." These two songs were released together as a hit single and later on Joel's new album "Rest In Peace."
After Marley's death, "Rest In Peace" hit the top of the Best-Selling Albums Charts. By the end of May, 99.9 percent of all Americans owned at least one copy of the album. The money that everyone had spent on this super-popular album went to a fund that supported a charity to end the Miami Testalgia Outbreak. Protesters held up signs that said, "End Testalgia." Joel came and wrote the lyrics to a new song of the same title, while his good friend and touring partner Elton John wrote the music. Together, they performed the song live in front of the whole city. After their performance, President Reagan came to Miami to give extra support to the End Testalgia Fund (ETF). Later, on 106.7 Lite Fm, Elton John and Billy Joel sang "End Testalgia" once more, then hosted the Lite Fm Testalgia Special. After the Special was over, John and Joel prepared for their next tour at the Miami Garden Theatre. At their tour, they sang "End Testalgia" as well as their new hits from Joel's "Rest In Peace" and John's "Honky Cat." They sang some of their older hits as well. The tour was both a great success and a great way to raise money for the ETF. The ETF kept collecting money, and soon it had enough to end testalgia once and for all. The supporters of the fund came up with a way to create a vaccination that could permanently get rid of testalgia. In honour of this, Elton John and Billy Joel, still on stage, performed better than ever before in their respective careers. Their incredible musical performances communicated the joy of success of civilization. It was much like the parades in the communist countries, except this performance was a consequence of a real success, and most importantly the joy was real. As the rocking audience was receiving their testalgia vaccinations, Elton John and Billy Joel rocked ever harder, refusing to stop the rocking - they in fact ignored any outside interference until their testicles hardened, and they both died of testalgia, Billy Joel first falling into the fabulous soft embrace of Elton John, who died exactly forty-two seconds later.
From Battle of Otford
THE BATTLE OF OTFORD IS STILL ONGOING, I HAVE A BATTLE TO PARK MY CAR EVERY TIME I GO THERE
From Wikipedia:Vandal bots
Vandal bots are malicous programs which deliberatley vandalise wiki based websites, these bots can wreck websites at an amazing rate. To imfamous vandal bots include
Ram-Man Bot, This bot autogenerated 50,000+ articles about EVERY settlement in the united states, using us census data. The articles are nothing but complete nonsence, and it DDOSed Wikipedia for several weeks.
Sciplius, this bot automaticly deletes articles at random..
Vandal bots are very malicous, but blocking them is almost impossible, it is up to the community to keep the wikipedia free from vandal bots, there could be new attacks in the future.
- [side note from a n00b: people, what's wrong with this /\ ???]
- I think the joke is that those are legitimate bots. The Rambot, for example, was designed to create and update U.S. city information. See Wikipedia:Bots. --Jeff 17:54, Jan 24, 2005 (UTC)
- Um, more likely the joke is that OrphanBot is conspicuously missing from this list. --126.96.36.199 18:06, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
From Danielle Brisbois
She became addicted to beer and cheescake, in 1988 she was admitted to a New York hospital weighing in at 450 lbs. She now lives in Rhode Island with her husband and mother in law, together they design fashions for extra large women.
From Witness (1985 movie)
It was filmed in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, although no intercourse actually is shown in the film
From Cristóbal Colón
I always thought he was an ass. Now I know he's a colon.
Oatmeal contains small monsters that eat excess fat and help aid resfull sleep.
From Secret decoder ring
BPM TMBBMZ M QA BPM UWAB NZMYCMVB
(Bpqa qa rcab i Kimaiz kqxpmz eqbp iv 8-tmbbmz apqnb.)
- Transliteration for your convenience -- John Owens :
- THE LETTER E IS THE MOST FREQUENT
- (This is just a Caesar cipher with a 8-letter shift.)
- What was wrong with this? - Calmypal 02:30, 11 Nov 2003 (UTC)
- Why is this page even editable? - The forging of bad jokes could make them real facts (e.g. if I insert the sentence "Zach Braff had a line in Scrubs quoting Secret decoder rings, including the exclamation <<form of an ice menorah!||")
the martians are invading earth! they demand plastic cup holders for unspeakable acts of alien reproduction rituals!
From Unwritten article
- A piece of writing not yet completed
[Ed note: Don't you mean: "Thi..." ?]
Most ameobae range from about 1 mm. But in Japan a 30 foot long amoeba was found after the atomic blast in Hiroshima. It is the largest recorded amoeba in history and has devoured two human beings. if you see this amoeba it is recommended to run for higher land. if you are in water dive under and swim to the safety of the land. Do not feed this amoeba because it will become even hungryer and chase you until it has devoured you too. This happened to the two humans. Many small dogs are missing so if you have a small pet keep it inside and away from water!
This deserves a Pullet Surprise. --Ashi<BR| Hahaha, this is hilarious!
- Peristalsis is a condition which occurs when one listens to the music of Steve Perry. The falsetto vocals invoke a constriction of the sphincter muscles to a degree which inhibits defecation. This condition birthed the familiar phrase "I don't give a shit about Steve Perry" which is quite likely the case.
From Jehovah's Witnesses
They were fed to lions by Nero Caesar. They were thrown into the fiery furnace by Nebuchadnezzar. They are currently targetted by the secret cabal which is setting up the New World Order(tm).
Aibohphobia is the term used to describe an irrational fear or phobia of Palindromes. The word is of course a palindrome itself.
- This shouldn't've been deleted; it's not a joke. It's a well-known term. It may seem silly but then if people can be scared of clowns, surely a fear of palindromes is no less ludicrous
- Hooray for Irony.
uh, this isnt ironic...stop listening to alanis morsett...
(Side note: I thought Aibohphobia was the fear of robotic dogs.)
From Emily Dickinson
She wrote stuff about the tree that thoreau had sex with. Then she went crazy and died.
- Someone obviously admired that deleted joke
From John F. Kennedy, Jr.
The russian mob was chasing Kennedy in a slow speed through Dallas on the day his father was shot. This child fell out of the back of the car. Hewas picked up by chinese intelligence officers. they sent him to siberia where the Russian mob thought he would perish. A pack of wolves took Jr. under the paws and raised him. He was released into his moms custody by the intelligent wolves. The wolves died shortly after.
Of course Linda Lovelace was a victim of Capitalist exploitation But this was nothing compared to the Genocide in the Congo
It must be noted that the integration of traditional economies in the Congo within the framework of the modern, capitalist economy was particularly exploitative. Leopold?s fortunes, ploughed back into monumental buildings in Brussels, for instance, was made mainly on the proceeds of Congolese rubber, which had never been mass-produced in surplus quantities.
Exploitation of the Dutch East Indies, French Indochina, German Southwest Africa, Rhodesia, and South Africa paled in comparison to that of the Belgian Congo. The fortunes of King Leopold II, for instance, the famed philanthropist, abolitionist, and self-anointed sovereign of Congo Free State (1885)?76 times larger geographically than Belgium itself?and those of the multinational concessionary companies under his auspices, were mainly made on the proceeds of Congolese rubber, which had historically never been mass-produced in surplus quantities. Between 1880 and 1920 the population of Congo thus halved; over 10 million ?indolent natives? unaccustomed to the bourgeois ethos of labor productivity, were the victims of murder, starvation, exhaustion induced by over-work, and disease. Some historian compares this death toll in the Congo to the Holocaust.
He became an unexpected sex symbol after presenting the 1988 Eurovision Song Contest and was forced to leave Ireland for a short period as a result for his own safety.
- Nickname in college was "The Plank".
- Is reported to have bedded over 40 show girls.
- Was once a trainee priest, but was forced to leave the seminary over allegations of sexual relations with a nun.
- Was once suspected of being "The Midnight Commando", a Batman-style vigilante who fought night crime in late 1970s Dublin
- Once claimed to have travelled to space in "a giant hat". No-one believed him. Except Sven.
- Sleeps naked in a polythene bag which he believes gives him great sexual prowess.
- While this may be true, he has been locked up for life for a fiasco involving certain well known puppets, which allegedly "warped the minds of children everywhere". He now co-hosts a daytime T.V. show for minors called "Love in the Nick", on Nickelodeon.
He did present the Song Contest, may have been called The Plank (it sums up his 'charisma-deficit') and did have a staged run-in with three children's TV puppets (to try to give him a personality!) but the rest is 100% fiction. What was the author smoking at the time?
- Was the writer of this article a scriptwriter for "Father Ted"?
- I dunno, it seems a pretty accurate description of Pat Kenny to me...
From a deleted page titled wikibrig
A Wikibriq is conceived as Fabric of connected Bricks, each bridging two mutually instructive concepts. Particular emphasis is given to their connotations, and how any one of them may realize the vis-a-vis.
Conceivably, an example begins in the realm of Seinfeld.
This page itself (whatever We're supposed to make of that) is meant not to interfere with the preferences expressed through Talk:Autodidact at the Fountain square.
From wikibrig's talk page
A modest example begins in the realm of Seinfeld. Connotations regarding the suggested syntax are only meant to be instructive about the concept itself, and may be articulated ideally by using it.
[`[ab~Kramer:Alter Ego|Van Nostrand],]
[`[ab~Kramer:ab~Smarts|(For reasons perhaps only known to the author(s).)],]
[`[ab~Seinfeld:Familiarity|Cal Ripken, Jr.],]
[`[ab~Seinfeld:ab~Alter Ego|Cal Varnsen],]
[`[ab~Seinfeld:ab~Alter Ego|not Karl Varnsen],]
[`[ab~Seinfeld:The Factory|Convertible],] ...
[`[ab~Seinfeld:ab~Mode of Transportation|It's a Turbo?!],]
Perhaps, if the Wikibriq concept were allowed to manifest itself, unremarkable constructions such as
[`[ab~Kramer:Template:Ab~Character:ab~Smarts|(For reasons perhaps only known to the author(s).)],]
[`[ab~Seinfeld:Alter Ego|(Template:Ab~Null:Yet To Be Determined)],]
may be avoided.
Frank W ~@) R, Jan. 7th, 19:27 (PST).
Its success is mainly due to the character Harold Bishop, whose fantastic wobbly cheeks were a hit with the ladies. Also great storylines and his antics with a tuba went down a treat.
- Edit - This is perfectly true. It's the only reason I watch the programme!
This is where squirrels lived in ancient Rome after their persecution by Titus Andronicus in the 4th Century BC.
From Complex analysis joke
Q: Why is the integral around Poland nonzero?
A: Because it's full of simple poles.