So some Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense walk into a bar....

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If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at 67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!

A common joke beginning. This page is full. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, 67 Deletion Summer of Love.

King Kong (Alternative ending)[edit]

On display in Sydney, Australia, Kong escped his captors, but was promptly crushed by a stampede of Kangoroo's.

An orbserver famously stated,"Dat wadnt no planes dat killed da bugga, was dem Roo's dat did the bugga in, by crikey."

The Matrix[edit]

The book 'The Matrix' was written by Matthew Barnard 10 years before the film. Sadly Matthew passed away... to Knowle were he lives a happy life and he didn't even ask for a penny of the final grossing of the film. What a nice chap.

- 25 April 2006



Magic Mushrooms[edit]

Republic of Ireland[edit]

Until 31 January unprepared psilocybin mushrooms were legal in the Republic of Ireland. On that date they were made illegal by a ministerial order. This decision was partly based on the death of one man who mixed an unknown amount of psychedelic mushrooms with alcohol. But the sale of spores is still leagl and grow kits are still available in some shops thank god

Emphasis added.

Honesdale, Pennsylvania[edit]

It is also one of the most horrible places to grow up in the history of everything ever.

Never go there, it's terrifying.

No matter what "Wet Hot American Summer" says.

From Loudon County[edit]

Invasion of 1943[edit]

Little known outside of the area of Loudon, Tennessee is an incident where the Nazi army invaded the small American town in an attempt to seize large amounts of the advanced technology of Atlantis. Adolf Hitler theorized that Atlantis had in fact sunk underground where Loudon was built on top of.

General Stephen Douglas, who also ran for the presidency under the Democratic ticket, commanded Allied forces while Felix the Cat, a cartoon character of the 1920s, headed the Nazi army.

When the town was faced with the blitzkrieg, panic erupted amongst the startled townspeople, mostly consisting of white Baptists and some niggers. As the Luftwaffe bombarded local churches and bars, General Douglas summoned the power of Godzilla, who easily swatted the planes from the air. As Godzilla's attempts to stop the Nazis proved to be fruitful, local folklore says the Felix the Cat screamed "BRIDENKREUGMENTARGENZ." Loudonians have sinced named a street accordingly in a mainly Hispanic neighborhood. However, the Nazis exposed Godzilla's weakness as being blues music. They imported a famous Scotish blues singer, Smitty McWetBiscuits, who graciously wailed on a nearby church organ. Godzilla exploded in sound waves which secured the fact that all Loudonians contract testicular cancer (even in females) for the next four centuries. McWetBiscuits' gracious wailing was ended abruptly by Bruce Lee who just demanded plainly that he stop.

The battle ensued for over three months, the forces of Imperial Japan, Fascist Italy, Great Britain, and the USSR even being included in it. The battle ended when Jesus Christ emerged from the Heavens with the ancient Atlantian technology in hand. He forced each of the armies to their respective countries with a quirking of the brow and then erased everyone's memory with the help of an android Bigfoot nearby. This story is also told in Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, the Book of Mormon, and by indigeous Indian tribes in South Africa.

From Sven O. Høiby[edit]

Sven Olaf Bjarte Høiby (born 14 November 1936) is the father of Crown Princess Mette-Marit of Norway.

From Garry Newman[edit]

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From Rat trap[edit]

Less known kinds[edit]

Animal traps designed for larger animals can be used if the rat to be trapped is large enough (e.g. the size of a capibara), but they are often not used because they are often of a bulky size and can catch unintended victims, such as curious children.

Other devices have been developed, such as miniaturized land mines, rat traps that kills by electrocution and even nuclear rat traps that kills by radiation poisoning, but these are overly dangerous and thus not used at all.

From "List of women who have wankises"[edit]

List of women who have wankises From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search the following is a list of women who pee standing up, ejaculate semen all over the place, and bulge in their skirts whenever a hot guy walks past. in other words: they got wankises, as WELL as *hoo-has*!!!!

  • Judge Joodie
  • Skarlitt Yohonssin
  • Meesha Bartin'
  • Uhlissuh Millannoh
  • Lindzee L'oh! hand
  • Kayt Winzlette
  • gwinitth paltro
  • Shuckeeruh
  • Vuhnesuh Reddgryve
  • Tay Uh Lee Oh Nee
  • Ray Chill Mick Adams

and they PEEE and whoo ha in the groynn!!

From Lewis Carroll photo caption[edit]

Lewis Carroll speaking on a cellular phone.

Solar Powered Cats[edit]

From the Science Reference Desk:


No, you can't breath underwater in any case, because "breath" is not a verb. --Trovatore 15:54, 27 April 2006 (UTC)
nitpicker--Nullity 15:57, 27 April 2006 (UTC)
if a flea landed on a cute puppy in woods... would it allow me to breathe underwater with the aid of my solar powered laser cat army What's the distance from the flea to the water? Peter Grey 17:08, 27 April 2006 (UTC)
Why do you say 2007, not 2006? Jonathan talk File:Canada flag 300.png 17:11, 27 April 2006 (UTC)
Isn't it obvious? The solar powered laser cats are still in R&D. They won't be ready until 2007. --Kainaw (talk) 17:36, 27 April 2006 (UTC)
It's true. My current models are nuclear-powered, but fuel is so expensive these days. Melchoir 18:27, 27 April 2006 (UTC)
Have you considered training the cats to use public transportation? --Kainaw (talk) 18:31, 27 April 2006 (UTC)
That was the 1994 model. I admit, they were efficient, and they kept a low profile, compared to streaking across the sky at Mach 2 to engage my enemies. But wouldn't you know it, the damn things achieve self-awareness and suddenly it's me, me, me. We want turreted lasers, we want a sexier means of transportation, we want full dental. And if you try to say no, they morph into kitten mode and stare at you with those eyes... Melchoir 18:48, 27 April 2006 (UTC)
Please, please stop...these threads are so hilarious that I am getting Wikipedian stomach aches from laughing...someone needs to archive these at WP:-) for sure!!! --HappyCamper 00:40, 28 April 2006 (UTC)
It's a well-known fact that cats are solar powered gravity machines. They find a sunny spot to sleep in all day, and then at night they climb on top of you in bed and weigh approximately seventy three times what you'd expect. --LarryMac 00:43, 28 April 2006 (UTC)
photons felt enough force Photons can't feel force. -- Flag of the United States.svg Mac Davis] ⌇☢ ญƛ. 01:35, 28 April 2006 (UTC)
If humans became extinct, would laser cat kittens still be cute? (Are they cute now? I've never seen one) Peter Grey 04:34, 28 April 2006 (UTC)

Do they ever feel melancholy?

Have they ever felt lonely? Heve they ever felt blue? Oh, and is there an equivalent of BJAODN for the Reference desks? Grutness...wha? 03:10, 28 April 2006 (UTC)
It may not be B, or ODN, but it's definitely a J and it's been moved to BJAODN...! :) — QuantumEleven 08:18, 28 April 2006 (UTC)

Cats are like Goths. No matter how else they feel, there is always an element of melencholy.

Solar powered cats? Sounds good to me. EWS23 | (Leave me a message!) 03:22, 28 April 2006 (UTC)

From March 11[edit]

Birth: *1988 - Joseph Gibbs, Future owner of ESPN

An image with a bizzare name[edit]

There is, or was, an image called :Image:X1pxzZ39wV-- ftKENEgfqwig3MFCd1ro5Rx3asma8-WuGnD0z 46705W6CJSleuZfhIQxxNOC91U-zpemBx8vpBgWKSSjj3iN1pP0U88Ag3wEBe6X7Us4XuHjD U5Ez0KgXD8t5t9Y-rw.jpg, consisting of a young or middle aged (and fully clothed) man opening a bottle of champaigne (squirting everywhere) and a couple of (fully clothed) women in the background.

E = MC Hammer (from E=mc²)[edit]

This formula of E=MC Hammer is a very well used formula. This formula was founded by one of our most known singers and awesome dancers. His name you ask? His name is MC Hammer. This equation was invented when MC was picking up his hookers[women on streets looking for love] and noticed that they gave him massive Energy which equaled from massive condoms bought by Hammer. So, that is the equation of E=MC Hammer or Energy= massive condoms bought by Hammer. So, in conclusion, if you are ever stuck in this posistion refer back to this essay and use this equation. Thank you all who read this and god bless MC Hammer. Amen.

From the Wikipedia RD/M (Yet Again)[edit]

American law

In San Fransisco, it is illeagal to wipe your car with what?

Another person? User:Zoe|(talk) 20:35, 26 April 2006 (UTC)
According to this site, it's illegal to wipe your car with used underwear, though I would have to ask for a cite. User:Zoe|(talk) 20:36, 26 April 2006 (UTC)

Well, NOW I HAVE TO CANCEL MY WEEKEND PLANS. :( 04:16, 27 April 2006 (UTC)

coffee...out...nostrils... Grutness...wha? 03:26, 28 April 2006 (UTC)

User:Cernen/template:plusbox Cernen Xanthine Katrena 07:46, 29 April 2006 (UTC)

From Kiran Chetry[edit]

I truly hope Kiran Reads this again and Dumps her asshole of a husband! Ever since he showed up shes acted less and less great then she used to! Kiran always played to the fans and was top notch! She did alot of activities and the one Im sure everyone liked was the time she bent over in her leather skirt for the sandwich! People began emailing her saying "Thanks for Making My day"! Ever since Kirans babysitting herkoff husband came on shes a sitting statue and does nothing she used to! Hey Kiran, If you read this again...DUMP THE BUM! Go back to being single because Im sure people wanna see the old Kiran back! Not this New Put in her place by her husband Kiran chetry we see before us today! DUMP HIM and Lead a single life! Hell I know you make more money then that goofus! You can support yourself and the Kid without that Goof following you everywhere! I Mean come on Kiran! We all know hes there to watch you! FNC has like 7 other Meterologists besides him! And hes basically on all the times you are! COME ON! Hes a Damn Babysitter cant you see that?! DUMP THE DAMN BUM! FNC Don;'t need another Weatherman, they have enough! And Is he even Certified as a Meterologist?! I BET NOT! Again Kiran! DUMB THE IDIOT!

From Wikipedia:WikiSupremeCourt[edit]

The scope of this project is to put on trial vandals fairly.


Once this project has 10 members then we'll elect an official committee.

The chief justice is the presiding justice. The relations justice settles arguments between the defendant and the accuser. The vote justice is the voter between ties and can override an overrule by the chief justice.

The jury is all the members section who don't fill these positions.


  1. General Eisenhower
  2. Blnguyen - if it doesn't get deleted!
  3. Jimpartame - sounds good to me.
  4. User:Tennessee Wood/Signature
  5. Willy - why not?

The members who didn't get the positions at the governance section are the jury.

People most wanted to be tried[edit]

  1. Willy on Wheels We want to try him the most because he's the most notorious.


  • Take down Willy on Wheels and find him guilty, by giving him a fair trial.


This project came from General Eisenhower to ensure a fair trial by jury for vandals and sockpuppets.

From the deletion page for the above[edit]

As a note, "Take down Willy on Wheels and find him guilty, by giving him a fair trial." - how can you give someone a fair trial if you aim to find him guilty? Ian13/talk 09:47, 23 April 2006 (UTC)

The crush method[edit]

The Crush Method is a method used by adolescents when they are pursuing a crush. It allows the person to develop a better friendship with their crush without any awkwardness.

There are a few simple steps to successfully execute The Crush Method:

1. Figure out who you like. 2. Develop a friendship with this person. 3. Figure out another likeable person. 4. When curious friends ask you who you like, tell them the person from #3. 5. Continue talking to crush until the frienship is at its peak. 6. If the time is right, pursue a relationship.


Joe likes Becca. He talks to her in school and online and they form a friendship. Matt, his best friend, asks Joe who he likes. He tells Matt that he has a crush on Joanna. Now that Becca has no idea Joe likes her, their friendship becomes even greater. Eventually, Becca starts to like Joe. Joe finds out, and they go out.

From Barney[edit]

People who don't like Barney: Me (annonymous)

From Ahh[edit]

When a women is in sexual plessure she will often scream ahh or ohh or ohh or oggabogga. She mostly will be in an orgasm. Her vagina will be out of control. She will be on fire. She will most likely have big tits and a big booty. Yes she'll scream. She'll want either a penis to suck, or a vagina to lick. Yes she will. She'll scream sex me, sex me, sex me. She'll soon want it up the ass (in the asshole). She'll want to swallom semen. Her tits will be bouncing up and down. She could be a white chick, a black chick, or a mexican. Yes she'll love it.

From Talk:-izzle[edit]

This suffizzle-related articizzle is a stizzle. You can hizzle by expizzling it, fo-shizzle.

From Texas Spoon[edit]

The taxas spoon! oh the horror of it! it was only perpetrated once, the bullying move. By a 90 year old playboy to his 60 year old son. they both lived as neighbors in Florida. the 90 year old man was a wresler who could make Hulk hogan cry. he was also irresistable to the ladies. he spent his time beating up elephants, who then cried for mercy. they did not recieve it. one day the son told his ftaher that he was going to retire and become gay. the father was outraged, and proceeded to kick the crap out of the son. the father was such a he-man that gayness was disgusting. to him. so he flew to texas and met a crazy chinese man who sold EXTREMELY hot peppers, so hot they would blow a woman's mouth out and a man's tongue. so he bought them all as well as some vodka. he mixed the peppers with the vodka and covered a large wooden spoon the the mixture. he then flew back home with the spoon and went to his son's house. the son was upstairs with a chair made of earwax. dressed as dorothy. and there was a man with him smoking a pipe. the dad pulled off his son's dress and shoved the spoon into his Anus. THE AGONY! THE ANGUISH! OUCH OUCH OUCH! screaming in sheer AGONY the son ran outside the house buck naked howling in agony with the spoon still inside his rectum. his eyes watered. he ran to the ER screaming so loud they heard it in TOKYO!!!! the angony was so intense. the docotrs did their best, but he died in agony, bleeding his butt all over the place. the father was arrested on charges of murder in the first degree, but he thretened the cops with his roundhouse kicks. and he now makes his living lifting trucks and slamming them int male elephant's testacles and taking pine tress up the female elephanst vaginas. redwoods.

List of songs with the name of a musical performer in their title[edit]

An anonymous editor reflects fondly on the life of Sigmund Freud[edit]

He was unable to touch his toes because of a disgestion problem in an organ unknown to most regular humans. This organ was called the Shazdoo. The Shazdoo enabled him to process thought faster than any other German before. He was ahead of hisd time and when i say ahead i mean far far behind. He wwas smart and dumb. And he picked his nose on a regular basis. I xestroyed him personally and i ate his brains through a strw. It was the funniest thing ever!

john smith[edit]

John Smith is the ultimate pinnacle of undeniable insignificance and meaninglessness that compels others to continue on with their wretched and mindblowingly crippled lives that also serve no purpose whatsoever. He was manifested from thin air by process of elimination, which even not he himself can fully comprehend. In addition, he was procreated solely to perfect his life's work: this article. This malignantly meticulous writing paradox took him an unfathomable 22/7 years and was the center of much hardship and misfortune, not to mention a superfluous amount of brain freeze, to which there is not yet a logical hypothesized basis. Despite immersing his face in pool of sizzling hot acid in a synchronous solution to end both his brain freeze as well as his pointless life, this produced no end result that was satisfying. Soon thereafter, he cognized that he could finish his groundbreaking article with writing about extracts from his life, including the one about the acid, and how he mystifyingly cherishes his capability of talking about himself in the third person point of view, even though it probably has already been patented by someone else. Frequently, he obtains superb gratification in telling Chuck Norris TM brand jokes, and fantasizes about one day being brutally butchered by his ironclad Roundhouse Kick TM.

Not too long ago, John Smith was in a fierce debate with himself over how many bacon slices to put on his dry bacon sandwich. There was an enthralling total of 2 spectators, including his pet pig, Oinky. JESUS H. CHRIST, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE! Immediately ensuing this spectacular event, his own pet pig verged upon where John Smith was enjoying his sandwich, and, raging with an intense wave of sudden hunger for more bacon, he maliciously slit open the boar's throat and proceeded to devour him whole, setting the standard for what would later become Chuck Norris's treatment of all existent life forms.


See the "Amstuck" edit here

The GUBBY Coalition[edit]

The epic tale of the Gubby Coalition formation…in a nutshell

Key characters:

The mighty- our lord, resembles a tub of mossy lard

Gubb- our messiah, believed to be the mighty’s son, it is also believed he is Mr. T

Evil slug of Doooom!- the anti-Gubb (also Jewish, like the anti-christ). A slug that lives in and is controller of Zutty pug

Holy Hamster Mel- the virginal (or so she says) mother of Gubb

Mooooogy- if a person followed the rules put forth by the Gubby coalition, they get eaten by this spanner-like monster when they go toes up Zutty pug-if you bin a baaaad wittle boy during your life, this monster eats them using a hose made of plastic feet

The shoe that-is-not-a-sofa-a shoe that is not a sofa

Key places

Thamesmere (not Thamesmead)- if one is unfortunate to get on the bus of Voxy (see the myth of the bus of voxy), it will take you here to this mythological place, once you’re in, you never get out. Nobody has lived to tell the tale, except Jerry.

Jerry’s a metal chair.

The tale…

One day holy hamster Mel was having a rather bad belly ache, and suddenly exploded. In the mess was Gubb. Gubb looked like the foetus of a penguin with constipation, because it was one. However, the Evil slug of Doooom! Was also spawned, and swore to deliver evil to all the world and a small section on Pluto. Years later, Gubb had become a popular TV actor in the role of Guzz, the tough 70’s style cop with a baaaad attitude, and a partner who was a man who is conjoined with a potato. It was at this point when the evil slug decided to destroy the world and used its sluggy puss to melt china. The world leaders fled to Pluto, where they were unwittingly captured and turned into dancing Irishmen.

With no hope left, and most of the eastern world being melted, suddenly Gubb metamorphosis’d into a wooden table that breathed miracle grow. He set upon his journey to stop the evil slug.

By now the slug had melted all countries except Omaristan. Gubb appeared before the slug and issued him with a formal request to stop his unruly actions. In response to this the slug apologised and stopped. However, Gubb was not done. The slug was imprisoned in a concentration camp many believe still is somewhere in welling, in a shop that is owned by The shoe that-is-not-a-sofa. All was well, until Gubb caught fire and burned to death as his followers removed their tongues in protest.



  1. Thou shalt have foot surgery so thine left foot resembles thy left claw of a rodent, preferably a hamster
  2. thou shalt not compare the Mighty to a deformed choir boy
  3. thou shalt not mess with the Dudley Boyz
  4. thou shalt honour thy lamp and similar lighting devices man cannot possibly comprehend
  5. thou shalt not breathe oxygen
  6. thou shalt not have a large forehead
  7. thou shalt not build a statue of a packet of duck liver made entirely of moose tongues
  8. thou shalt not use laxatives for recreational reasons
  9. thou must stare annoyingly at the disabled (mentally, physically and others) until they either walk/ scuttle away, or implode
  10. thou must follow the directions taken from home pregnancy tests when in doubt
  11. thou must not become computer printers or any other printing device
  12. thou shalt boot toddlers when they are in your presence (it is a holy competition to boot a toddler the furthest, the winner gets a hard-boiled egg and a prosthetic limb (limbs vary depending on what year it is))


  1. Is the voice of little Britain actually Tom Baker or is it a robotic llama in a big orange hat?
  2. What is the meaning of hair?
  3. Can Sikhs fly?
  4. Can a frozen salmon enter into an Ultimate Fighting contest?
  5. How old was Zooty McGuff when he died of a smartie infection?
  6. If I’m a wooden cabinet, why do I look like a Hungarian fighter jet?
  7. Why does emptying your bowels in the presence of your granny seem so wrong but feel so goooood?
  8. Is it necrophilia if the dog hasn’t been declared dead?
  9. Is their life after tomato soup?
  10. If I feel too tired to pack my bag for a train flight to Dumpstead but know it needs to be done, which celebrity doorhandle do I call?
  11. if I leave a carton of milk on the counter for several weeks, will it turn into a deformed fat man holding a bottle of marmite in between his armpits?
  12. What is pie?


Astraxaphysis is a leg disease which cripples waterfowl. It eventually proves fatal. This disease is likely the origin for the term lame duck. Most birds with astraxaphysis have little to no chance of survival in the wilderness and are targeted by hunters who savor their juicy meats. In fact, the last two years of Thomas Edison's life involved exclusive consumption of lame duck meat and lame duck byproducts.

From Telford[edit]

Telford has recently been put forward as a site for nuclear bomb testing, despite the anticipation that the town will be destroyed and condemed as nuclear waste ground for hundreds of years experts have predicted that the experiments will make millions of pounds worth of improvements.

Yo Mama Joke[edit]

Yo mama is so fat that when she found out about Wikipedia, there were 2,000,000 more entries.

From Banana Phone[edit]

Also Raffi is a dark skinned black, who refuses to admit that hes black. He has one shirt, a Jermaine O'Neal jersey. He like the pacers even though theyll lose because the Nets are inVINCEable.

Template:Vandal stub[edit]

This Wikipedia article about a Vandal or Vandalism Type is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it.
Don't just do something! Stand there!
-Oscar Wilde

From Parade[edit]

Parades are higly regarded by scientists as the single greatest experience that a human can partake in, and have been used throughout history for enjoyment and to spread smallpox.

Parades in history[edit]

Since the begining of history there have been at least a hundred parades, many had floats! Here's an abriviated list.

  1. 1944 Normandy Code named 'Parade Day' Shortend to D-Day
  2. 1950's Black people paraded around the South becuase it was too hot to ride the buses, the local firemen were nice enough to cool them down with a fire hose.
  3. 1963 Texas, John F. Kennedy got pwned during his big parade. When asked why he did it, Michael Moore said, "I did it for the lulz".
  4. 2001, arabs parade right into the twin towers!

The science behind parades[edit]

Now that you know about parades, you might be asking yourself, just what makes a parade a fiesta? Well the top scientist from Germany the US and others were kind enough to explain just that!

Parades are made up of three things, one is colors, which are beautiful and pleasent on the eyes. The next is balloons, which some people jokingly say are nothing but 'airheads!'
this comment makes balloons very sad. The last and/or 'final', is or 'am' the least important thing about parades; which is or 'are' the people.

A Parade? For me?![edit]

Thats right, you too can make your very own parade! All you need are the above mentioned things! And guess what? You're in buissness! The beauty of parades is it only requires one! Just walk down the street carrying colorful ballons and watch as the ladies flock to you like pigs to a corpse!

Parade... MAGAZINE?![edit]

Thats right as of 2006 there are plans underway to make and entire magazine focusing on parades! We can only wait and hold our breath until the first issue comes out some time this year!

From Ugly[edit]

You are often described as ugly or grotesque.

Turducken Day[edit]

Template:Infobox Holiday Turducken Day is an annual holiday observed in the United States to celebrate decadence and stuffing things inside of things. In the U.S., the holiday is celebrated on the second Saturday in March. It is celebrated primarily by non-native San Franciscans.

Origins of Turducken Day[edit]

The first known Turducken Day feast or festival in North America was celebrated by members of Monica’s Birthday Party, a group of San Franciscans who are most well known for throwing complicated theme parties, in 2002. Each year the Turducken Day feast has gained followers, and has become a full-scale feast.

Turducken Day is somewhat related to the pleasure parties that have long been a San Francisco mainstay. However, the focus of Turducken Day feats is on gluttony rather than lust, as Monica’s Birthday realizes that there is actually more than one deadly sin.

Traditional celebration[edit]

Turducken Day is traditionally celebrated with a large dinner shared among friends and family, consisting mainly of foods that have been stuck inside of other foods, which are, in turn stuck inside of another food. It is an important gathering, and people often travel from as far away as East Bay to join friends for the celebration. The Turducken Day holiday is often a "three-day weekend" in San Francisco, starting the night before on “Bacon Wrapper’s Eve”. Turducken Day is usually celebrated as a feast.

Caroling is often a major part of Turducken Day celebrations in the Bay Area. Songs, such as "Turducken!" (sung to the tune of "Tradition" from "Fiddler on the Roof"), “Here We Go A-Wattle-ing” or “Wrapped in Bacon, Stuffed in Stuff” are sung for the entertainment of the party’s immediate neighbors. The neighbors are then invited to join in the festivities.

Turducken Day toast[edit]

The Turducken Day meal is always initiated by the Turducken Day toast. It is considered quite discourteous to begin one's meal before the completion of the Turducken Day toast, although at many meals one is allowed to fill one’s plate before or even during the recitation of the toast. There are many types of the Turducken Day toast. The earliest recorded version is as follows:

To new friends and old friends, good friends and those friends who live for stuffing some things into other things. Poultry stuffed with poultry stuffed with poultry, and often (but not always) wrapped in bacon. This is the way of our lives, and with this in mind, we celebrate our adopted home, our extended family, and this Full Turducken. May we stuff many more.

Turducken Day dinner[edit]

The centerpiece of contemporary Turducken Day in the United States and Canada is a large meal, starring a large roasted Turducken . Guests are invited to bring other foods based on the concept of stuffing things inside of things, preferably wrapped in bacon. Drinking alcoholic beverages, specifically the Irish Car Bomb is encouraged.


Although Turducken Day has no real religious background, it is sometimes refe9rred to as The Feast of Saint Turducken.

Foods other than Turducken are sometimes served as the main dish for a Turducken Day dinner. Some enthusiasts of Turducken have taken it a step further, and come up with the Turduckencorpheail.

From User talk:Conrad Devonshire[edit]

Hey there buddy..guess who it is...ya thats right...i sit right next to u in history....whoooohoooooo...newayz soo i read ur rather long user page and i must say it was quite interesting...o and by the way dont worry about me vandalizing these silly pages...wikipedia can count on me...aint that right boys...*3 part harmony singing "yes*...newayz i gotta go ...see ya around CONrad devonshire

From Uezwil[edit]

Uezwil is like the smallest town one could probably imagine and stuff.

It is often avoided by the Inhabitants of Wohlen (the next bigger town). Some say it is due to the rumors that Orcs are lurking on the way, others argue that those saying this are just too fucked up and don't want to go through the hassles of travelling a mere 4 kilometres.

Rogue Jello (recently deleted)[edit]

Rogue Jello is when a gelatin desert, most commonly Jello, 'eludes' the individual attempting to consume it by leaping from the utensil, such as a spoon, fork, spork, or in some circumstances, the hand of the consumer. Upon 'escaping' the Jello will fall to the table, lap of the consumer, or the ground. If the Jello is not consumed, and instead thrown away or been disposed of it has ‘succeeded’. But if it is the consumed, by a pet or animal or person, the escapee has failed.

From Camelot[edit]

Camelot is the name of the stronghold of the legendary King Arthur, from which he fought many of the battles that made up his life. It was then ruled by Sir Mix-a-lot and had as its neighborhoods Whamalot, Spamalot, and Cumalot. Afterwards, Tawkerbot visited Camelot and Reverted-a-lot of the local vandalot.

From Tourture[edit]

(by ProMorpher, deleted twice)

When you take really boring tours.

Edit history of McCullom Lake, Illinois[edit]

It's a serious topic, but it still looks bizarre (read the edit summaries here) [1]

Just a bit strange, in my opinion.

From Talk:Jimbo Wales[edit]

Jimmy and Mahmoud[edit]

Has anyone ever told you that you kind of resemble Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?

Expand SlimVirgin[edit]

Do not remove the tag. The article is pitifully short for such a tall person. 17:43, 7 May 2006 (UTC)

Why are we expanding SlimVirgin? --Dante Alighieri | Talk 17:49, 7 May 2006 (UTC)
Because she likes to be everywhere at once. tongue.png SlimVirgin (talk) 17:50, 7 May 2006 (UTC)

The Alabama Sledgehammer[edit]

Alabama Sledghammer

The Alabama Sledgehammer is a colloquial term for a three party mainly homosexual Sexual fetishism. The name for this sex act is derived from a case of deviance encountered by Pike County police officers on May 10, 1959. The named is believed to have been taken from a local front page newspaper article that stated "The Alabama Sledgehammer Case Closed" despite the fact that no one involved with the crime had ever been associated with the alias Alabama Sledghammer.[1]

The events all began with the disappearance of 'Ron Heseley, a retired commercial diver, who had been living in the neighboorhood with the race car driver Ronald Landers. Ron Heseley went to the local baptist church every sunday, and participated in the baptist outreach program helping junkies and homosexuals convert to the Christian faith. He was a respected man, and his disappearance was unsettling to the community.

Ronald Landers was a racecar driver, who had lived a life of fast cars and sodomy. He came to the church in hopes of reconciling his past, and Ron Heseley was the man who would take him in. The events became more bizarre when the body of Landers was found on a remote road, with a self inflicted shotgun wound to the head; his body had been found the day after Heseley's disappearance, on monday May 11, 1959.

The police decided to check Heseley's house, and were sickened when they walked into the rear bedroom. There was feces strewn in every corner of the house; the smell was so nauseating that officer Roger Bupp had to leave. The real pearl that would string this whole case together was found in Heseley's room, where the sodomised body of Ron Heseley and the decapitated body of Dwayne Jefferson were found.

Dwayne Jefferson was a strange character, he was a local African American who would dress up as a clown for parties, and was known for his eccentric behavior. He would often parade the streets in costumes, harassing locals. Every sunday he would dress up as a pirate when he went to church and lifted up girl's frocks with his wooden sword. Every following monday he would dress up as Batman, chasing and harassing local children waiting for the schoolbus. he spent most of his time in jail, and lived off of the stocks his parents bought for Coca Cola at IPO.

What happened that night was pieced together after some testimonies from wittnesses and forensics reports. Ronald Landers had been caring for Ron Heseley while living in the house, and had loved him like a father. Heseley had died saturday night, and Landers found his body the following morning. Ronald had a mental breakdown, and drove through town trying to calm himself down. In a delirious panic he kidnapped Dwayne Jefferson, who had just been let out of jail for harassing local's the prior wednesday, and was still dressed in his dirty self made Batman suit. Jefferson was driven back to the Heseley house.

Landers told Jefferson to follow all of his orders of he would blow off his head with his shotgun. Dwayne appearantly defecated on himself in fear. Landers was irate and a neighbor boy who had been playing in the nearby woods heard him yell "If you're gunna shit, you better shit when and how i tells ya!" The neighbor boy told his parents, and his parents appearantly beat him for using such language, but were astounded when they found out he had been telling the truth. Landers commanded Jefferson to defecate on his erect penis, and stand in a superman pose (oddly enough Jefferson was wearing a Batman suit) while he sodomised Heseley's dead corpse. When Landers was finished he left the room to get a cleaver from the kitchen. He appearantly told Jefferson to blindfold himself for the next act, but hacked off his head with the cleaver while he was wearing the blindfold instead.

Landers' psychosis only got worse as he spent the last hours of his life hacking off three toes on his left foot and defecating all over the house. He left the house unnoticed and drove out to the remote countryside where he shot himself in the head.[2]

This act has a cult following in the necrophilia and coprophilia underground where most acts are of a more humane and consenting nature than the original occurance in that all parties are alive by the end of the escapade. The act is defined as a sexual excapade involving three men: a man lying face down on the bed who can be dead or alive, a black man wearing a batman suit, and a man who sodomises the lying man. The man in the batman suit defecates on the sodomiser's erect genetalia and stands in a super hero pose while the sodomiser sodomises the lying man. The difference between the necrophiles and the coprophiles is mainly the absence of the corpse, being that coprophiles dont alway's have the urge to sodomise corpses as necrophiles do.


  1. Horowitz, David. "Alabama Sledgehammer Case Closed." The Troy Messanger May 17 1959, final ed. page 1
  2. Pike County Public Records


W.A.P. is a religious acronym which represents the group aptly named WAP. It was founded in [Mankato], Minnesota where the [Holy Shrines] exist and the [Prophets] were born. WAP is based on the idea that people ought to be exalted above all others, those who are not human are to be used in order to please those who are human. WAP is one of the fastest growing religions in existance today, converting approximately 8000% of its fellowship in under six months. The religion of WAP is not restricted to race, ethnicity, or ability; it is open to all people. The universal sign of WAP is made by placing both hands palm to palm and folding the middle and ring fingers in to form two spires with the pinkys and pointers, and a valley with the middles and rings.

[The 11 Commandments of WAP] 1. THE true meaning of the most pure acronym WAP shall never be spoken to heathen ears. 2. THE most holy words WAP shall never be translated to non-person speak. 3. THE names of the most divine prophets and caliphs must never be spoken to pagan ears. 4. THE tainted ones, Todd Schultz and Jared Briggs, may never join the ranks of the Most Holy. 5. THE most sacred may never allow the tainted ones to accost the divine shrines. 6. THE slandering of the Most Holy shall not be allowed by those of the enlightened beliefs. 7. IF you see a non-person on the street and it asks you for anything which belongs to a person, you are to shun it verbally and rebuke it physically; unless it asks for monetary assistance for sexual favors. 8. THE false prophet Alex Brooks, shall now be known as 'The Great Satan' for his heinous crimes against WAP. 9. THE Ignorant One, Nate Wolf, is to be banned from all religious ceremonies concerning WAP. 10. ALL words of retardation of the Ignorant One are to be met with fatwas proportional to the magnitude of stupidity stated. 11. THESE are the most holy 10 commandments, they are to be observed and revered at all times by all people.

Incendiary Pigs[edit]

Incendiary pigs, as depicted in the historical simulation Rome: Total War. An incendiary pig is a weapon used in ancient Roman warfare. An attack with the weapon involved collecting several pigs, covering them with an accelerant - commonly pitch or tar - and setting them alight. As a result the pigs, not overly happy about being on fire, would run squealing towards an oncoming army. Although incapable of inflicting heavy damage without igniting flammable enemy units or fortifications, they were effective in disrupting enemy infantry formations.

Although rarely deployed in battle, the incendiary pig is noted for being an early example of psychological warfare. The light and heat produced by the incineration of a pig combined with the pig's rapid movement, loud squealing and grunting created a fearsome opponent for man and beast alike. Due to the damaging nature of the fire and the unsavoury mood of the pigs, oncoming army formations would be scattered. During the Battle of Carthage the pigs proved especially useful in thwarting the approach of enemy elephants, which were otherwise very resistant to attack.

The weapon does, however, have a number of unfortunate downsides. The most significant of these being its single use nature - the pigs can only be fired up once. The second is that once burning, the pigs quickly lose their effectiveness as self-propelled projectiles. Their wild, chaotic movements also cause incendiary pigs to be notoriously difficult to control. If not deployed correctly, they will likely run amok amongst friendly forces instead of charging toward the enemy.

NB: While not written in the most encyclopedic of styles, this is essentially true if I recall my primary school history books. Skittle 09:40, 9 May 2006 (UTC)

From Castle of Kenny[edit]


The Castle of Kenny was made Dec 30, 1992 by Tim Allen. The Castle of Kenny was ran by the members of Papa Roach, Yellowcard, Hedley, the Black Eyed Peas, Theory of a Deadman, Green Day, etc. The Castle of Kenny is a place where Billie Joe Armstrong (who is the leader) and Harris Rosen watch South Park and watch if Kenny McCormick dies. If Kenny dies, one of the celebrities have to arrest the person who killed him. If they kill Kenny four times, Axonn and Brutaka request that the killer does a Christmas movie with Tim Allen.

When Kenny was gone[edit]

After Kenny Dies, everybody retired and the members of Green Day go to the Stone Tower Temple with Stewie. Before Season 6, he would go there every day, except for Wednesdays. After Season 6, he would only go there when a season ends. At March 22, the celebrities celebrate a holiday called McCormas. Billie Joe Armstrong came back to the Castle when he got a phonecall from me after the Red Sleigh Down episode.

Usher didnt carry on. He mourned[edit]

During Kenny's death, Usher Raymond IV has a nervous breakdown. Stewie Griffin told Usher Raymond IV he felt the way Captain Hero felt in the "Little Orphan Hero" episode.

When Kenny Reappeared[edit]

But, he barely dies and the members of 3 Doors Down and Billy Talent retire until It's Christmas in Canada aired. After The Return of Chef, they retired for good.


History of the Leprezi (Leprechaun Nazi)

The world is full of some very despicable people; among these separate racial and social groups alike is the Leprezi, meaning 1/2 Nazi and 1/2 Leprechaun, clearly apparent by the name.

First sightings of this peculiar race appeared after the death of Hitler in parts of Greenland that are known to be habitant to bridge trolls and extraterrestrials(not to be mistaken with Roswell, New Mexico, in North America). It is well speculated that Leprezi's came to exist from the "baby boomer" time of human bonding, that German Dictator, Adolf Hitler; had some personal relationships with several female leprechauns on an art trip with the Academy of Fine Arts Vienna in Ireland. (While many sources claim that Adolf was rejected by the Academy twice, many Irish oracles and psychics claim otherwise, he was indeed rejected by the Architectural department of the Academy, but was soon accepted into Fine Arts.)

The Trip On April 27, 1907, Adolf Hitler along with his fellow classmates were riding in a steam locomotive from Meinhead to Dublin for an art festival. Adolf was riding with his instructor, (later discovered to be a Galileo impersonator)Andrew Ulrikt, whom was looking over the later-famed student's artwork of the woman he adored in the traincar next door. Adolf grew nervous with his strict-ridden instructor as he drew the woman with a skirt above knee length, and he should have heeded the warning his conscience gave him as the instructor took his drawing pad, showed it to Miss Addiah Bertilde; whom out of anger and embarrassment threw Germany's future dictator out the window.

Adolf came to a quick stop (inspite of the trains 40-mph charted speed) from his fall into a small stream off the railroad bridge, whose water was deep enough for him to walk away with only a few scratches on his arms. Amazed by how far he flew out of the windowed passenger car, he found himself roughly 17 feet from the bridge. He walked under the bridge for shade, when he met a well-known leprechaun that was cast out from visible society as a bridge troll.

The period of homelessness Hitler was claimed to experience took place when he met the leprechaun. He lived in a leprechaun colony for two years, having two children, and leaving in hopes to get to Germany, the determination the leprechauns never left his memory.

His offspring, male and female, became leprezi's.

Physical Appearance

(work in progress, a picture will be made to clarify)

Seagull Assains[edit]

Seagull Assasins Are Very Dangerous, They Can Strike At Any Time. On 26th April 2006, Alex Chetty Was A Victim From The Seagull Assasins, They Spied On Him From A Tree, And They May Come Back And Attack Him. The Next Day A Seagull Assasin Was Spotted On Top Of Edmonton Countys Roof, It May Have Been Hunting For Prey. Seagull Assains Are Trained To Teminate Any Enemy, They Train In Secret Camps In Brighton Where They Endure A 1 Year Course. They Attack By Non Stop Violent Hitting With Their Feathers.

Comment: either that or just crap on people's cars. Yecch!

From 11[edit]

The 11th of every month is sacred in Edinburgh, Scotland. Two young lads(one extremely good looking) have created what can only be known obviously as 'The 11th'. This day usualy consists of fun activites such as the local bingo or casino, maybe a little bit of drinkage is involved. Unless the uglyier of the two - Scott Roberto Duncan oganises the event who is very conscience about drinking and is a very strong believer in chirst. His last disaster was on the 11th of April where he didnt want to do anything. The boys both have space in their hearts for tattoos and each posses the number 11 in roman numerals on thier anatomy. They also both work in Pizza Hut in Newington.

From Scopes Trial[edit]

The "Scopes Trial" (often called the "Scopes Monkey Trial") of 1925 pitted against each other lawyers William Jennings Bryan and Clarence Darrow (the latter representing teacher John T. Scopes) in an American court case that tested a law passed on March 13, 1925, which forbade the teaching, in any state-funded educational establishment in Tennessee, of "any theory that denies the story of the Divine Creation of man as taught in the Bible, and to teach instead that man has descended from a lower order of animals". This is often interpreted as meaning that the law forbade the teaching of any aspect of the theory of evolution, for the simple reason that in Tennesee, evolution is "with your sister".


My Hero Ignatius So-n-so

Ignatius So-n-so is a stud... He is a man that is not afraid to get naked and wrestle big gorillas. He likes swinging on tree vines in his skunk hide man thong, and snuggling with gay aboriginie men. He also likes to go skinny dipping under the stars, while wrestling giant annacondas that have massive wangs. Ignatius So-n-so is a man among men, he is a tree swinging, Gorilla wrestling stud by day, and a flaming homo by night.

History: Ignatius was born in Morningwood, Australia. He was raised by a bunch of large male baboons. Ignatius loved being raised by a bunch of men, it was like a dream come true for him. Iggy was heart broken at a young age when he tried to marry a 75 year old lesbian baboon. After this he moved to China and began to live in the wild with massive gorillas. He also joined the Gorilla wrestling team and became a star from the get go. It was obvious to see that he was very popular because everyday after the matches, when they were in the shower, he was always dropping the soap and you know what that means! Yikes those go-rillas are really BIG!!! Lets just say he was good at taking one for, I mean from, the team. After his gorilla wrestling days, he became interested in more soft and romantice things such as, tanning nude on the beach, taking steaming bubble baths with shaven otters, and writting love poems to his lesbian lover Brock back in Morningwood, Australia. Ignatius died in 2008, because of a heart attack while masterbating for 10th time that day. Ignatius So-n-so will go down in history for being a man who could live with the animals, mate with the animals, and the only man in history that died because of to much masturbation.

From Avian flu[edit]

This article covers the affects that the Avian Bird Flu has on people. Which would include the growth of feathers from the spinal cord along with a tough leathery layer over the top of the lips. Along with the skin between the toes molding together to form a web like layer as found in all aquatic birds. This article also covers the ways Humans can contract this disease and ways to cure it by taking a mix of Tylonol, Cherry flavored cough medicine, and Steroids.

from a speedy db-bio[edit]

[vanity subject]...has accomplished numerous things throughout his life and definitely not a candidate for Wikipedia speedy deletion.

Walt Disney World Resort[edit]


pizza pops[edit]

almost everyone knows what Pizza Pops are but there are hardly any websites about, and no wikipedia article on them‽ What's the deal with that‽ I realize that I can make an article about them, but I'm too lazy. --

Hahaha, nice use of the interrobang. The deal is probably just that: almost everyone knows what they are, so there's no need for a description of them. What information would people want to know about Pizza Pops? I don't know, so I'm not going to start an article, but I'm sure there's someone interested enough... —Keenan Pepper 04:01, 9 May 2006 (UTC)
Come on Keenan, in that case why is there an article on Cat or Dog (I bet more people know about them than Pizza Pops), especially seeing as we have an article on Hot Pockets. CambridgeBayWeather (Talk) 04:38, 9 May 2006 (UTC)
Well, people might want to know things about cats and dogs, like their binomial names or whether they will really die if you feed them chocolate. Off the top of my head, I can't think of anything about Pizza Pops you would look up in an encyclopedia. If you want to know what they're made of... read the box. —Keenan Pepper 05:53, 9 May 2006 (UTC)
Other people are lazy too. If you're too lazy to start an article, why should anyone else put in the effort that you're not willing to expend? Chuck 05:37, 9 May 2006 (UTC)
Have I been living under a rock for too long? I've never heard of them. And frankly, just going by the name, I don't think I want to have one either. Dismas|(talk) 05:56, 9 May 2006 (UTC)
I haven't heard of them either. Let's make a stub. –Mysid 06:45, 9 May 2006 (UTC)
Okay... how about:

Pizza Pops are things that everyone has heard of, except for Dismas, Mysid, and Grutness. It is claimed that they are less well-known that cats and dogs, and come with detailed information on the box (unlike cats and dogs). Mild health concerns have been attributed to Pizza Pops, including article-writing lethargy and a disturbing tendency to interrobang. If this occurs, consult your doctor.
This fairly pathetic article is a stub. But that's OK because people won't look here for information on Pizza Pops anyway. You can help Wikipedia by just ignoring it. Move along - there's nothing to see here.

Grutness...wha? 08:35, 9 May 2006 (UTC)

From San Jose Sharks[edit]

Over numerous times in the team's history, they have come under fire for their practice of biting and shredding other players with their razor-sharp teeth. The Seattle Mariners were called in, but the Sharks flopped on the deck of their ship, bringing it down and devouring left-fielder Robert Shaw. Luckily, Randy Johnson had already swam back to shore, using his mullet as a floatation device.

From Armageddon[edit]

It was last week. You missed it.

From KT Tunstall[edit]

Tunstall wrote the hit song black horse and the cherry tree whil elocked up in a mental hospital, high on the worst drugs known to man and seconds worst known to woman. she hallucinated an oversexed horse making passionate love to her via the anus. after she lost her high she wrote down that experience. unfortunately, the song was so sexually vulgar and obscene the record company turned it down to a horse making a marraige proposal. because her art was altered, tunstall commited suiced five minutes ago by shoving a mace up her nasal cavity. The autopsy photo can be found here:

From Weezer[edit]

One day a young boy felt sad. He lived in a small rural farming town that had many rivers. He longed for a better life. For so long the other children made fun of him. His actual name is Jacen Watkins. After so much tourment derived from his peers the boy changed his name and moved out west. Now his name is Rivers Cuomo, an appropriate name to respect his home town. Realizing he moved out west he decided he needed to do something with his life. The only problem was he had no immediate talents. He enjoyed to watch Indiana Jones. While watching this movie he thought of something clever, "Indiana Jonas". The next problem, what to do with such a clever thought. First he wanted it to be his name on World Of Warcraft. That ended up not working out so well, being that it was not created yet. So he just learned how to play a microphone and he sang a song about it. Thus, a star was born and the disturbance in the force was now balanced.

From Hairy Maclary[edit]

Some people take childrens books very seriously. Some choice quotes from a page about a series of children's books about a small dog:

  • "On one level, Hairy can be read as a modern re-invocation of ancient Egyptian avatars."
  • "Like Ezra Pound's Cantos the narrative is written in verse, nowever unlike Pound's epic Hairy Maclary is amusing."

The Muffin man[edit]

The Muffin Man “The Muffin Man” was originally born Arthur J. Radcliffe III. He grew up in the Isle of Wight as a druidic priest with his parents, Helena and Arthur Radcliffe. However, when he was only 7 years old, his home was attacked by an evil robot; Sasha the Terrible. Arthur and Helena had no choice but to get him on the closest boat to the mainland, where he would be safe from the power hungry maniacal machine. Unfortunately, the boat was ambushed by the IRA in transit, and Arthur was raised as a Sinn Fein extremist. 10 years later, he was on a solo mission to destroy the waffle bucket in California, as it was a terrible heresy to baked breakfast treats everywhere. However, he was intercepted by Sasha, still seeking to obliterate all non-robotic people who had ever lived on the Isle of Wight. Arthur tried to escape, but Sasha’s disciple Marino caught him and cursed him with the muffin barrel. Now the Muffin Man is forever cursed to live as Sasha’s slave on Drurey lane making muffins for Sasha’s evil robot enterprise. In his spare time he enjoys reading and playing boggle, not to mention being a serial murderer.


The marfot is a recently discovered animal that lived thousands of years ago. Archaeologists have long suspected that such an animal existed, but until a fossil was discovered, the existence of such an animal remained unconfirmed. Here is an artist’s rendition of the marfot:


From Craftsman Truck Series[edit]

  • In the early 1950s, a Truck Series idea was thought up of as simply a joke and too rednecky as another series. It was rumored a group of a group of off-road racers had come up with the idea of a racing truck by putting a frame of a large pick-up truck over a Winston Cup engine and got many jokes. They actually thought it was a good idea. The group even came up with its own rules.

1.Each truck was required to carry a Confederate flag and have a gun rack. The decision to have guns(loaded)or not was by the crew cheif. 2.Each driver would carry his favorit dog and let him hang out the right side window. During pit-stops, the dog had to be walked by a crewman and a pooperscooper and any deposit left behind would result in a one-lap penalty. 3.Each truck had to carry some sort of management-approved bumper stickers. Including "SEE ROCK CITY", one with a Civil War general saying "FORGET HELL", and for night races "IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS, THEN YOU'RE TOO DAMNED CLOSE!!" 4.Finally, all trucks had to carry a load based on the seasons of the year or special occassions. In the spring all trucks had to carry a load of peat moss and fertilizer and a stack of firewood in the fall races. On holiday weekends trucks had to carry an inner-tube and a cooler of Bud and Bud Lite, all of which had to be approved by series rules. The rules and early idea of a Truck Series were too redneck for the early years but the idea came back into demand in the early 1990s'.

Waban, Massachusetts[edit]

Waban is one of the 13 villages of Newton. It has two elementary schools, Angier and Zervas. Waban, which means "Nimble Bird," was colonized by natives of the Indonesion archipelago, and is named for their leader who held the same name. Discovered in 1609, the colonizers who first stumbled upon it believed it to be holy ground, and immediately named it for their leader, who had died a month into the journey and whose body they had consumed for the purpose of sustainance. This was of course a tremendous sin, and they believed that by naming what appeared to be holy ground for their fallen comrade that they would be purging themselves of bloodguilt.

The natives who had already been living in Waban for some time (and who had named it Alachusouri, roughly translated as "Land of the Blessed") were furious over the seizing of their land by the Indonesians, but could do nothing to resist because they had suffered tremendous losses in their population during the last winter. It seemed that the people of the island of Biak in the Indonesian archipelago were there to stay, and their prosperous reign over the area (uninterrupted until 1649) affirmed this.

In 1649 the local levels of government of the surrounding towns in Middlesex County started to become frustrated and resentful that Waban, though technically a village of Newton, retained the status of a Native American tribe despite the fact that all Native Americans indigenous to the area had perished since the Indonesians arrived. In 1650, Waban was granted full status as a village of Newton to appease the surrounding towns and cities, meaning that its residents were legally obligated to pay state, local, and other taxes.

In 1687 Waban became the first village of Newton ever to have been recognized as a completely separate town, but this status ended in 1701 with the swift and decisive victory of the national reserves over the local militias. Waban was once again a village of Newton, and has been ever since despite various unsuccessful efforts to separate from the rest of the City of Newton.

Throughout the late 1700's and early 1800's, Waban became known as a safehaven for runaway slaves on the underground railroad, but the remnants of this era were swiftly destroyed after an unfortunate and very public incident that brought national attention (and notoriety) to not only the village of Waban, but the city of Newton. In the year 1808 there surfaced reports of a Waban resident who had been harboring a runaway slave in his attic for four and a half months. This was in itself not an issue considering that runaways were as safe in Waban as they were in much of the Northeast. However, when the local authorities came to call on the resident to question him about the level of noise that had been issuing from his home--a charge completely unrelated to the harboring of a runaway--he pelted them with grapefruit spoons. This was of course explicitly forbidden under the Spoon Protection Act passed by congress only three years earlier, and the Wabanite was arrested and sentenced to seven years in prison. Had this resident not been the mayor of Newton at the time, little attention would have been brought to the incident, and little would have come out of it. Since this was not the case, the reputation of Waban as a place for residence and the reputation of Newton as a city of integrity were tarnished for sometime thereafter.


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