Readers must be this high to get into Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense

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If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at 67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!

This page is full. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, 67 Deletion Summer of Love.

Page name inspiration: Reference to rides that say "children must be this high (tall) to get onto this ride" and, from there, a pun on "getting high" (via drug of choice).

Sheena! At the Disco!

Sheena! At the Disco!, a British band was created by a lady named Sheena! and her imaginary friends.

Their first album, British Invasion, features many hits including: These Hips Don't Lie, My Fat is Everlasting, and I'm A Sheena Girl

I'm A Sheena Girl Lyrics:

I'm A Sheena Girl, living in a Sheena world, im made of fat, its fattastic! (repeat x4)

Boris

The name Boris is derived from the latin term "ori" meaning gay. INTERESTING FACT - Boris Popic that goes to ECSS is gay and watches broke back mountain everyday.

from User_talk:김정일

IM KIM JONG IL..... BITCH!!!!!!

You have been indefinitely blocked for being a vandalism-only account. Academic Challenger 04:31, 12 May 2006 (UTC)

From Football

Football is a game in which people, generally males, push each other around in order to catch a dead pig. The game was originally invented by cave men fighting over a dead moose.

from Chlorophyll

chlorophyll iz the name of a compond found in plants....plants use it for photosynthesis...it izzz very useful to me..i inhale chlorophyll every day whn i eat stuff..nd yes..its very tasty too

From Freebirditis

Freebirditis is a disorder most common in the American South, but which can occur anywhere. It is spontaneous and has no known cure. Freebirditis is caused by a deficiency of Free Bird, but adding this to one's lifestyle will rarely help the condition. Free Bird is much like a drug; it feels great when one has his or her "fix," but take that away, and the sufferer goes into withdrawl. Common symptoms of freebirditis include:

• The urge to shout "Free Bird!" at any musical function; this includes, but is not limited to, concerts, parties, recitals, radios, television, and when one sees a person opening a guitar case.
• A myopic stance regarding all other songs, as Free Bird is recognized to be the greatest song in the world, thus rendereing all else meaningless.
• Extreme veneration for Duane Allman of the Allman Brothers, usually to the point of personality cult.
• Swollen lymph nodes

From The Very Hungry Caterpillar

The Very Hungry Caterpillar (ISBN 0399226907) is a children's book written by Eric Carle and originally published in 1969. It has proven to be highly popular and has been praised for its use of easy-to-read words which makes it good for teaching young children to read. The story has been translated into over 50 languages and, as of 2005, a copy is sold roughly every 57 seconds. It was featured on Sesame Street in the early 1990s.

The book contains 225 words and large, colourful illustrations. It follows a caterpillar as it munches its way through a variety of edibles such as ice cream, salami, watermelon and a lollipop before it finally pupates and emerges as a butterfly. The story teaches the life cycle of a butterfly, counting to 5, the names of the days of the week, and about food. Various interpretations have been placed upon it - for example, it is seen as a transformation story in Cambodia and an anti-capitalist work in the former East Germany.

The original title of the book was to have been A Week with Willi Worm, featuring a bookworm named Willi. However, Carle's editor advised that a green worm would not make a very likable protagonist. George W. Bush has expressed his fondness for the book, and there are rumours of the film rights having been sold for £1 million.

Day 1

The main character is established. The hungry caterpillar is led to eat a single red apple.

Day 2

The Caterpillar, unsatisfied with its single red apple is driven on to eat 2 yellow pears.

Day 3

We see the character devour 3 purple plums. This chapter is one to think about. Are these plums in anyway symbolic? So far in the book, the caterpillar has eaten a fair share of food, but we all know that a caterpillar weighing about 5g, having a length of 4-6cm eating 3 plums that weigh about 100g each, is beyond the realms of possible biology.

This chapter certainly makes us question the way in which we think about the character. Whether this is to be taken literally or as a symbolic gesture is a matter of the reader's choice.

Day 4

The caterpillar eats 4 strawberries (which is much more possible than chapter 3)

Day 5

If you were not convinced by chapter 3, then when you see the caterpillar eats 5 whole oranges, you may be tempted to put down the book, however, this is all a build up to the ending.

Day 6

On this day, the last threads of possible reality are flushed away as the caterpillar devours its way through every known form of confectionery. This is questionable on multiple fronts, such as:

• How does a simple caterpillar acquire the money needed to buy such large amounts of food? Does she steal the food? If so, how?
• In a similar fashion to chapter 3, how does a caterpillar ingest all these foods?

We shall never know.

Day 7

The caterpillar eats one, single leaf. Nothing more, nothing less. This penultimate chapter is probably the most beautiful and significant so far. One single leaf. What the author is doing here is showing the contrast. It seems as though the caterpillar has eaten all it possibly can. All the apples, pears, plums, strawberries, oranges, cakes, muffins, eclairs, and ice creams in the world, but it has yet to eat its most sustainable food source.

Final Chapter

In this climactic ending of the book, the caterpillar, cocoons itself to come out as a beautiful butterfly. The hungry caterpillar is hungry no more.

Further reading (and watching) for enjoyers of this book:

• A day in the life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
• Ridley Scott's Alien
• The picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde

References

• Anita Silvey, 100 Best Books for Children, ISBN 0618278893
• BBC Radio 4, A Good Read, broadcast 8 February 2005

External links

• "Counting on the Caterpillar" at BBC News

Im sorry but this an actual public domain book, I loved it when I was ... 4 Ghingo 12:17, 22 May 2006 (UTC)

From User talk:OrphanBot

Lost your image? If it was deleted due to a lack of source or copyright information, OrphanBot's probably kept a copy, and I'll willingly re-upload it for you if you can provide the source of the image and correct copyright information. Place a message on my talk page, and I'll see what I can do.

Comments archived: 26 January, 2006 15 February, 2006 7 March 2006 18 March 2006

Seals Of Approval

I'm Kim Jong-il and I approved this OrphanBot!

File:Adolf Hitler Bigger.jpg

I'm Adolf Hitler and I too approved this OrphanBot!

I'm Richard Nixon and I too approved this OrphanBot!

We the people of Nazism also approved this OrphanBot!

We the people of Ku Klux Klan also approved this OrphanBot!

File:Saddam Hussein (107).jpg

I'm Osama bin Laden and I too approved this OrphanBot!

File:Saddam Hussein (107).jpg

I'm Saddam Hussein and I too approved this OrphanBot!

From User:Conrad Devonshire and User talk:Conrad Devonshire

From User talk:Conrad Devonshire:

HELL-O! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU Conrad Devonshire
Conrad Devonshire IS A C**T
Conrad Devonshire IS A C**T
Conrad Devonshire IS A C**T
NATZI CIA FASCISTS DIE!

Conrad Devonshire Is an EVIL NATZI cia agent, death to the AMARICAN FASCISTS, DEATH TO ISRAEL, DEATH TO DEVONSHINE!

From User:Conrad Devonshire:

conservative natzi

JIHAD ON THE USA, ISRAEL AND THE WEST! WE ARE GOING TO BOMB YOU COUNTRY AND POISON YOUR WATER SUPPLIES

From Wikipedia talk:No terms of endearment

Patently absurd

This proposed "policy" is patently absurd and I think it warrants speedy deletion. --Cyde Weys _vote^talk 23:18, 29 December 2005 (UTC)

I don't know. Maybe its a joke? KillerChihuahua^?!? 23:35, 29 December 2005 (UTC)

It is. Scroll down to the categories. It's listed under "Wikipedia humor." -Kyd 23:41, 29 December 2005 (UTC)

Right. I edited the top box slightly to make this more apparent. Herostratus 02:26, 30 December 2005 (UTC)

I love you all. --DavidConrad 02:05, 3 January 2006 (UTC)

Tut. Tut. A term of endearment. I'll have to block you for that.

Blocked
You have been blocked for expressing love for 45 seconds. To contest this block, add the text {{unblock}} on this page, along with an explanation of why you believe this block to be unjustified. You can also email the blocking administrator or any administrator from this list. Please be sure to include your username (if you have one) and IP address in your email.

Please do not erase warnings on this page. Removing a block notice might suggest an emotional concern for others or loving thoughts.

FearÉIREANN\^(caint) 01:13, 15 February 2006 (UTC)

---

Does any one know what the Stargate's ninth chevron does.

It makes Amanda Tappings have sex with me.

---

From User talk:Jimbo Wales

Jimbo Wales, I am a friend of thewolfstar. She has asked me to ask you to please help her and Merecat. She along with Merecat and many others have been blocked unfairly with no procedure followed. Thewolfstar's page is protected now, too. She and Merecat are now blocked indefinitely. Thewolfstar's unblock code has been removed by her blockers. Bishonen is involved and Swatjester, both known low-lives. Please help thewolfstar and please help Merecat. I know you hate junior highers like Bishonen and Schvatjester. SlimVirgin, Bunchofgrapes, Killerchihuahua and many others are involved for sure. Thanks Jimbo. Many are being blocked and extermminated all over the place. It's clear that any dissenting view on Wikipedia is not allowed. There is no doubt about it. The conspiracy is world wide and it runs deepLamb of god 23:06, 12 May 2006 (UTC)

Oooh, why wasn't I included in the lowlives? I live very lowly, when I live at all, and the whole WP:AN/I seems to be in on the conspiracy. (BTW, I'm reminded of Yvor Winters's comment on Gerard Manley Hopkins's The Windhover: "I breed champion aerdales, but I wouldn't write a poem comparing one of them to Jesus Christ." One must wonder what it takes to name oneself the agnus dei.) Geogre 02:45, 13 May 2006 (UTC)

Never fear, I would have named you, had I written that missive. You truly are the lowest of the low, Geogre... Well, ok maybe not the VERY lowest of the low, but far enough. ++Lar: t/c 02:52, 13 May 2006 (UTC)

are you guys from the Low lands, because only there (and a few other palces) you can live below the sea level, speaking about low lives. Kim van der Linde ^{at venus} 03:17, 13 May 2006 (UTC)

I lived in New Orleans for a year, and that has an elevation of -2m, and the man sent to do the job failed to put his finger in the dyke. Geogre 13:11, 13 May 2006 (UTC)

I looked at thewolfstar's talk page and edit history and found at least one edit that deserved banning--I only looked briefly as it was very long. If "Lamb of god" is not a different person, then I think it's someone they know from the wikipedia review site. DyslexicEditor 03:28, 13 May 2006 (UTC)

The block/ban was based on a month's behavior, multiple attempts at mediation, and took place only after a long discussion in two locations on AN/I, as well as the user's talk page. This was one of the more slow-motion bans ever, and there were innumerable attempts at getting the matter resolved by at least half a dozen unrelated persons. Geogre 13:11, 13 May 2006 (UTC)

DE- It started at serious personal attacks and ended at veiled and not so veiled threats against other editors and wikipedia itself. Not a happy story.

Geogre, if you are feeling left out let us know and I'm sure we can come up with an egregious personal attack or two. I would have long since, except... I can't write sonnets. Do you have any preference for the topic of the insult? 'Near the lowest, but not quite, the lowest, of the low' lacks a certain flow that I like to have in my personal attacks. MilesVorkosigan 18:50, 13 May 2006 (UTC)

Zeinlatin

Zeinlatin is the made-up word in the stupid disco song that goes like "Ah, ah, ah, ah zeinlatin, zeinlatin, ah, ah, ah, ah zeinlatin, zeinlaaaaaaaaaaaaatin!" Some people may say that they are saying "stay in the light", but these people are liars and should be dragged into the streets and shot.

From Sex

Level of definition	Female	Male
Secondary sexual characteristics (Sex)
Usually	Breasts, menstrual cycle, development of "hourglass" body form (i.e., 8, or, in a better situation, [math]\displaystyle{ \infty }[/math]), relatively shorter height, relatively more body fat	Facial and body hair, development of "triangular" body form (i.e., ▲, ►, ▼, or ◄, depending on the occasion), relatively higher height, relatively less body fat

From Harrow School

New Boy's Test

The New Boys' Test is undertaken by all new boys three weeks after joining the school. Each is trained for the test by a "shepherd", who is responsible for the new boy in the first few weeks. It involves olive oil, baking soda and lots of courage. Firstly the boy is touched in his fun zone by a boy in the top year, then he is checked for fleas, bent over a chair and spanked hard (normally some sort of cavity search is commenced at this point) and the boy, normally voluntarily, shouts "I wish I didn't fail Common Entrance, I really wanted to go to Eton and instead I'm stuck in this sick place filled with chavs and predatory bearded older men." After this experience most Harovians are some what embittered and become 'rude boys' and generally pretend to be gangsters of some sort as a coping mechanism. It must always be remembered that they are all a bit rubbish.

From: Flat Earth

DISCLAIMER: The "flat earth" concept is, as we all should know, complete and total bullshit. The "flat earth" concept is only beleived by those conspiracy theorists who believe JFK and MLK are still alive, we never landed on the moon, etc. This is mostly caused by either a) childhood abuse, b) dumbass parents, or c) the failure to find Waldo in a childhood game.

from Slaphead

Somebody, usually a male, who has shaved all his hair off from his head and is therefore referred to as a slaphead, pronounced "Slap'ed"

Also, an individual, either male or female with hair or without, who annoys others to the point of making them want to slap their own heads silly out of sheer frustration, pronounced "Slap'hed"

From Talk:James R. Gillespie

Never before have I met such a selfless and kind person as Mr. Gillespie. Not long ago I was dying from degenerative muscle condition in my lower abdomen losing both my kidneys. I had no hope, I could only lament in my own misery on my deathbed. The chances of finding a donor with type O- blood were non-existent. I accepted that I was going to die. That was until he showed up. James R. Gillespie, my savior. I never knew Mr. Gillespie personally. I only heard the legends surrounding the man's good deeds, but never could I imagine this. Once he heard about my condition Mr. Gillespie donated his right kidney without hesitation, and even paid for the entire operation since my family lacked medical insurance. After the operation I asked "Why? Why did you help me? A stranger?" His only reply was a warming smile, a smile that would keep my dreams alive.

Thank you Mr Gillespie, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hope you don't mind if I name my kid James G. ;)

I like to think there's a little bit of Mr. G in all of us. You just got extra lucky. :) Iodyne 23:06, 25 April 2006 (UTC)

I do not think I would be here if not for Mr. Gillespie. He touched me in a way that I will never forget. Shortly after leaving a party one night, I decided to go driving, despite all the warnings my friends gave me about going out. It was very late in the night, when I left, and as it so happened, I failed to see the guard rail and the turn, and my car flew into the guard rail and down a cliff. Amazingly I was still alive, but my body was pinned under the car. I was sure this was the end, and started to pray to God. Out of nowhere Mr. Gillespie came to my rescue. He called down into the ditch, but I was pinned and couldn't answer. I had a massive gash across my forehead, and I was losing blood fast. When Mr. Gillespie heard no response from me he began to climb down into the ditch. When I saw him I thought that it was an angel and called out weakly "Have you come to save me?" Mr. Gillespie reassured me and kept me calm while he began to try to dig me out from under the car. Somehow, by sheer force, he got me free. As soon as I got out, he took off his shirt and fashioned a make-shift tourniquette out of it for my head. Then, with much help from Mr. Gillespie we climbed back onto the road and he laid me down in the warmth of the back seat of his car while he called the paramedics. Thank you James Gillespie, for giving me a second chance on life and being there for me

--Jean-Pierre

James R Gillespie is my personal savior. I was born in Ethiopia into a poor family. I suffered from starvation and was going to die a horribly slow death. Then what I thought was a reprieve came. A neighboring village, known as the Kash-Ki-Shu's attacked my home after a small group of young peoples from a peace group came with food. The food was not enough to feed us all, but death seemed faster now as I watched my family die around me. Then my hero appeared. He burst into our small straw hut and killed 8 of the Kash-Ki-Shu with his bare hands, using a strange fighting style that no one has ever seemed to have heard of before. He then carried my battered body 20 miles to the next peaceful village. After we were rested, he brought me here to the states, and taught me english along with a woman called Anne Sullivan. After learning to speak and function, he has been a father figure to me and has cared for me in more ways that I can count. Bless you Gillespie!

--Kwamii Smith

Minha família é muito pobre. Nós não tivemos nenhum presente para chrismas. Nosso charity recebeu muito poucos presentes que o ano e nós tínhamos perdido o raffle. Era chrismas muito sad. Então um dia meu mom deu-nos a notícia grande. Nosso charity disse-nos que um homem alto doou muitos presentes e aquele todos um quem tinha perdido o raffle começaria a um. Isto fêz minhas irmãs pequenas muito felizes. Eu não os vi sorrir em assim por muito tempo. Obrigado dando me o Sr. feliz Gillespie Agradecer dos chrismas você.

--Affonso Lopes

James R Gillespie is a very noteable man. He continually ensures that his students get the best education they can receive by pushing them to exceed. One of his students has a serious health condition. The student has degenerative bone marrow, which will cause him to pass out because of lack of fresh blood being produced. Mr Gillespie continually provides transfusions for his student through the local hospital. Mr Gillespie even goes so far as to email the student to make sure he has his assignments, which will prevent the student from failing the Advanced Computer Science class. James also has a broad spectrum of religous views. Another student of his has a annual hike up a mountain with only a shepards cane to praise his god from the mountain top. Mr Gillespie, being so understanding, exempted this student from taking place in the manditory review session during winter break. All around Mr Gillespie is a tremendous person and is a valuable addition to the school.

John. 4 year survivor of degenerative bone marrow.

I too have a Mr. Gillespie story, however it is sadly not as joyous as some of the recent entries. James and I attended James Madison University together in the year 2000. About half way through our freshman year a mutual friend introduced James and I to a man we would only ever hear referred to as "Oscar the Grouch." Oscar led us through the wild world of drugs, alcohol, and sex. Any illegal drug or primiscuous sex act anyone had ever heard of we did and did again. Then one day, after our eighth tab of E, surveying a room full of questionably attractive and barely clothed women splayed out in various suggestive poses as we had left them the night before, I saw James' eyes begin to water. I turned to him and no words were neccessary. He was done with this. He looked at me longingly, as if by some stretch of the imagination I could accompany him on his journey back to normalicy, but deep down we both new there was no chance of this. I was in too far and there was no turning back. One man left the room that day and started a new and better life. One man stayed and was slowly consumed by the filth and the grime of the underworld.

James. You made the right choice. --Colin Daniels

James Gillespie's acts of selflessness and raw morality do not end with the tragedy of his younger years at JMU or the lesser known fate of his Vitiligo condition. I too was in need of this man, and like the others was helped just as unconditionally.

It was upon his shoulder that my head rested upon that winter's eve, as my eyes were rolled into the back of my head and my body shivering. I was the son of a hobo (whos name I dare not mention)and finally had mustered the courage to release myself from my father's two fisted grasp. At his front door I rang Mr. G's doorbell and told him story. His face was that of compassion, his blue eyes like my own pools of sorrow. He took me into his care for 3 months, and set me free after enrolling me into a trade school to a place I promised not to disclose. I have never since seen or wanted to see my father or his grainy gaze. I swore to James R. Gillespie that I would repay him for his kindness and lessons one day, and that is a goal I am forever working to reach. Thank you for existing James Gillespie. ~ Frederick Cupp

DO NOT DELETE

I happen to know Mr. Gillespie personally, and to have heard of his great deeds. Many of you disbelieve this article because you find it improbable that he has accomplished so much in his life, but I know for a fact that over 82% of this article is indeed true. I was present for the fabled kidney transplant for I too was recieving an operation that day. Few people know this, but when James Gillespie was younger, he was what is commonly known as "African American." However, as he aged, he began to suffer from Vitiligo, a rare skin condition where a dark skinned person's skin turns white. The picture posted on this page is merely a rememberance of happier times, before Gillespie found out that he was dying at the rate of an average person. So I beg you, please don't delete this because James R. Gillespie is truely an amazig man who dserves to have his story known.

Martin Caprence

The Church of the Norris

Created not long ago in the High School of Windward in Washington State. The Church of the Norris has several unknown followers and one Archbishop. His name is David Kylingmark. And he preaches the word of the Norris to all that will hear it.

Teachings

1. To uphold the thought that Chuck Norris is the creator of all.

2. To spread the word of the Norris to all that will hear it.

3. Evolution does not exist only the creatures that the Norris has willed into existance.

4. All things but the Norris are imperfect.

From: User talk:Ndru01

Thank you for experimenting with Wikipedia. Your test worked, and has been reverted or removed. Please use the sandbox for any other tests you want to do. Take a look at the welcome page if you would like to learn more about contributing to our encyclopedia. Weregerbil 06:23, 15 May 2006 (UTC)

Oh Demiurge, omniscient omnipresent and (supposedly) omnipotent-almighty of this shitty infoverse (home of wikipedia, all other -pedias, and databases of forms, material and/or abstract), tell me what is worse: Solipsism or Recursion (fighting the demons about the very fact that demons are real and that I/we are/should be fighting the demons...)? Or maybe 'recursive solipsism'? ... Beautiful thing derived from this 'beautiful' world (ie. Demiurge's info-prison)... Ndru01 02:03, 16 May 2006 (UTC)

Do you have a program that generates this or do you type it all yourself? You should write poetry! It's like a hint of Shakespeare in there. Weregerbil 19:17, 16 May 2006 (UTC)

The point is that this whole universe IS a 'program'. I don't 'have' here anything, I'm just a mind that is a victim of this curious-sinful-Demiurge's manifestation-creation, being a part of him/it. Both me as a 'human mind' and Demiurge as my whole (or in solipsist version myself), although a 'runaway' (or 'exhiled') emanated from the Spirit, since all levels of this holarchy emanate from the Spirit. So even for Demiurge (the Mind, by default), essentially, we cannot say he 'has' any program. The program (some initial infoverse that evolves with the 'creation') started with Demiurge's emanating from the Spirit. Whatever Demiurge is creating, the program is not really 'his', but he is in an unfortunate 'symbiosis' with it, interacting as supreme-mind with it (with this monstrous infoverse). But in case we consider Demiurge (and all his sub-levels including the level of human synergetic whole) as - Consciousness, the symbiosis itself, then we may say Demiurge 'has' the Program, but the program as the whole infoverse. It is indeed 'his'... Shakespeare might have been somewhat gnostic, but certainly wasn't (modern) info-gnostic, so the 'hints' are not quite good...Ndru01 19:42, 16 May 2006 (UTC)

btw, here's some poetry I recently produced (actually for wikipedia's discussion on morphic fields, but later deleted it), so here it is again here, why not (since you asked for it):

de doo doo doo - on planet da da da - eye of the yello says: - hail satan, the future is yours! - it always was - since there is no future - only lie eating the truth in circle... -

hello, i am you, you are me - we are one with the creator - what's the use of starving to death - let's eat the creation - till the circle eats itself - it's always doo doo fun - while planet da da run... Ndru01 20:12, 16 May 2006 (UTC)

---

and much more like this

From Plains Bison

The Plains Bison is one of two subspecies of the American bison. They can be found in the plains, and not in the woodlands area. They are prettier, and more graceful and attractive than the Wood Bison. They are big. The best thing about them is that they are known as bison bison bison, and they are good house pets because they do not shed much. They are often mistaken for buffalo fish, or for Buffalo.

Not actually from Moses

Moses or Móshe (מֹשֶׁה, Standard Hebrew, Tiberian Hebrew Mōšeh, Arabic موسى Mūsa, Ge'ez ሙሴ Musse) is a legendary Hebrew liberator, leader, lawgiver, prophet, and historian. Due to similarities with Gandalf the character from The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Moses is sometimes affectionately referred to as Gandalf the Jew.

Moses strikes water from the stone, by Bacchiacca

From Little Horse

Little Horse is a phenomenon slowly sweeping across the nation. A mythology has been crafted around this horse involving an emperor and his obese son who wants a horse of his own and has been pursuing the horse for some time. The evolution of the emperor's son is said to have been influenced by the baby on the packaging of Botan Rice Candy boxes.

It is speculated that Little Horse stands about 5 to 6 inches tall and lives in Big Laurel, but no one has ever proven the existence of this horse or the gender for that matter. T-shirts with the print "Help Save Little Horse" are sold online. The shirts suggest that there is a collaborative effort to save Little Horse. Whether Little Horse exists or not, some believe, is not the point.

From My Butt

HOLY GOD MY BUTT IS ON FIRE! HE TORCHED MY BUTTOCKS! THE PAIN! THE SEARING PAIN! MY VAGINA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Religon of APTBCPPTBAPTBC

The Religion of Americans Pretending To Be Chinese People Pretending To Be Americans Pretending To Be Cows, or The Religon of APTBCPPTBAPTBC, is a religon/cult that was created in early 2006 from members of the Enfield High School. The group’s major member-base is in Enfield, Connecticut, though some members are located as far away as Canada.

Name

Although the name leads to believe that the group is a Religion, it is not a recognized Religion. The word "Religion" is only supposed to stand for a group of people with beliefs, humorous or not, who come together to discuss their beliefs. Also, the group's name may seem to be humorous, yet in actuality it is a pun on other cults who's names are nonsense.

Beliefs

The Religion of APTBCPPTBAPTBC believes in the leadership of four major leaders. These leaders are Bob Saget, George Foreman, Mr. Rogers, and John Basedow. Each leader has a series of stories named "The Chronicles" which discuss why each person is seen as a leader of the group. One major difference between The Religion of APTBCPPTBAPTBC and other religions like Catholicism and Judaism is that a member is allowed to practice another faith. This may be any other faith that the member chooses, and a person in the group is not allowed to persecute another person because of his/her spiritual beliefs. There are a small set of rules, but because of randomness, are not always followed by the group's members. Lastly, there is no church that a member has to go to, nor is there prayers or spiritual beliefs.

Rules/Regulations

There are not many rules that a person has to follow to be in The Religion of APTBCPPTBAPTBC, and even though they are stated clearly, are not always followed by the members.

1. A member cannot chew on pork friend rice, he/she must swallow it.

2. A member cannot do cartwheels in Target or Wal-Mart.

3. A member has to at least play DDR 12 times a year.

4. A member cannot use toothpicks when eating a sandwich.

5. A member can only eat a total amount of 3 pounds of lobster in 1 sitting.

6. A member must say Elephants at least once a week.

7. A member must go to Alabama once in their lifetime.

8. A member must use LOL once a week.

9. A member must not worship Green Day, or any thing related to it.

10. A member must have 2 ears.

11. A member must have at least one strand of hair on his/her head.

12. A member must visit this website occasionally.

13. A member must worship Bob Saget, George Foreman, Mr. Rogers, and John Basedow.

14. A member must try to convert his/her friends into this fine cult.... I mean Religion.

15. A member must take a shower at least once a year.

16. A member must have at least one article of pink clothing in their closet/dresser.

17. A member must not go to Hollister and buy $100 pants.

18. A member must see Forrest Gump at least once.

19. A member must love Franky Gee.

20. A member must be able to count to 7 in English.

DDR

The group's members have a strong tie to the video game hit Dance Dance Revolution. This Konami original is played by the members of APTBCPPTBAPTBC, and is seen as the, "greatest peice of art ever created" . Pictures and more information can be seen on their website.

More Information

For more information on The Religion of Americans Pretending To Be Chinese People Pretending To Be Americans Pretending To Be Cows, the Groups Website is located at [1]

From How to get high

To get high:

1. Blow up lots of baloons with helium (over 300)

2. Attach A string to the bottom of each one

3. Hold on tight!!!!!

Note: If you see an airplane coming tward you, let go of at least half (or else you'll go kersplat!)

Bjarang

Bjarang is an unknown aboriginal sport that is said to have been invented in Burma(Myanmar). The sport invloves finding the longest piece of grass and took immense skill and knowledge of the ground. It is said that Godfrey Nicholas 'stumbled' across the game wehn he himself was studying the fine art of grass.

The world champion is currently Daived Moodae (Tubak), who won the won the world championships in 2006 in Brisbane. He won a thrilling contest against Abdul Bomber (Burma), as the tense match ended being decided by sudden death sitiuation.

Although Bjarang is a very unknown sport, it is said it will spread widely, especially in less developed contries. It is hinted that in 2016, it will become an olympic sport along with paintball and snooker.

Allthough Bjarang is a near ruleless goame, some rules have been introduced into the western game, such as genetically modified grass, and grass "extenders" the longest ever piece of grass found to be legal, was 37 inches by Daived Moodae

From Millard Fillmore

Millard Fillmore (January 7, 1800 – March 8, 1874) sucked.

Seriously. I kid you not. He was insane. He had these two cats, and he thought they were magical. At his second State of the Union address, he brought them to the podium and said that his name was now Mrs. Norris. He went on to proclaim that the cats called him that and that they were sent by IBM to mointor things. In the 19th century however, there was no IBM. This guy was crazier than Simon Cowell in a parka.

((This is funny because Fillmore did not even have one inauguration, never mind a second, as he became President with the death of Zachary Taylor))

From Politician

you konw that guy that drives too slow on the highway?
        you konw that old lady who crossese the street to slow?
             do you konw that mexican at the dry cleaners that steals ur socks every sunday?

that is a politician, it is a vile creature, half human..half demon... they control most of the world, and pretend to be caring and care about society, however this is pretense. They can be compared to the sucubus of modern latin english, not all politicians are in politics/ government, some of them can be found in ur own home, example would be dustmites, they are horrible little creatures taht think they know everything and want you to die, much like dustmites, politicians WANT YOU TO DIE, they have no sense of compassion. however they do have more compassion than lawyers on the plus side.

from Brillo Pad

In the year 1987, the first human/brillo pad hybrid was born. His name was consequently Brett 'Da Brillo' Field. His skin was as rough as a normal Brillo Pad, and many scientists have predicted that by the time of his 40th birthday that he will evolve into a proper brillo pad, ready to elimate tough stains on plates and cutlery around many homes in and around the UK. Brett is not the only Brillo hybrid, and he often goes to groups such as 'Brillo Pads Anonymous' to shed light on his rare condition, with others. He was recently turned down by Vaseline for a short commerical, because apparrently, he was too 'dry' to be considered.

From Pikmin

Pikmin recipes

Breakfast foods

Pikmin pancakes: Make pancakes but incorporate 15 pikpik carrots into the batter.

Toastbug: Slice a breadbug and toast it.

Honeywisp Scramble: Scramble honeywisp eggs.

Lunches

Bulblaxx hot dog: Take a bulblaxx and about 30 tiny buns. Cut the bulblaxx into sausage shapes and serve on buns

Bulbborb pizza: Take a bulbborb and chop it up and serve on a pizza. Delicious!

Delicious dinner ideas

Bulbbear meatloaf: Cook a bulbbear and serve it like meatloaf.

Bulbborb steak: Slice a bulbborb and cook the steaks.

Beady Longlegs soup: Take a beady-longlegs and slice it up with pik pik carrots and hot steaming broth.

Water-dumple dumpling soup: Mix water-dumple dumplings with pik pik carrots in Sheargrub broth.

Snacks

Snagret nuggets: Serve snagret nuggets like you would chicken nuggets.

Wogpole-on-a-stick: Poke a stick into a deep-fried wogpole.

Delicious desserts

Dumple delight: Take 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream and add some chocolate sauce and water-dumple shaped gummy candies. Serve after a good meal of bulbborb steak or bulbbear meatloaf.

I didn't know Louie had an account!

From List of fictional characters missing an appendage

Reason given for edit:

(→S - , Changed Bleach link to the MANGA, not the CLEANING AGENT)

Things you shouldn't do while hugging a police officer

• 1. Do not attempt to steal the police officers wallet.
• 2. Do not gyrate your hips.
• 3. Do not grab the officers rear end, unless you appreciate blows from a nightstick.
• 4. Do not ask the officer out on a date.
• 5. Do not give the officer your pin number.
• 6. Do not smell the officers hair. Especially if the officer is balding.
• 7. Do not vomit.
• 8. Do not attempt to disrobe your officer. They hit harder when naked.

^I supposesome ppl like that sort of stuff

from Life

Dogs are very smart animals. They have the smallest brain of any other living mammel, yet they are the smartest. (Besides Humans). Puppies lives are the best. They have so much fun and can see color as youngsters, but as they grow older, they cannot see as much color naymore. Much research has been done and dogs are revealed as the kind of mammel (besides humans) with the most changes.

"Dogs are smarter then me!"

    - Kevin Dogg

From Smolankovo

For other uses, see Smolankovo.

Template:Infobox country

Smolankovo (Smolankovian: Shmatzdilva) is a country in central Europe. It is located between Poland and The Ukraine in a formerly unpopulated space in an Atlas. Smolankovo is yet to be accepted as a legitimate country by the Wider Internation Community (WIC).

Smolankovo was founded by three illegitimate heirs to the throne of Hungary in 1217. It was intended to be a save haven for outcasts of the church but was soon infiltrated by the Pope himself, riding at the head of a Gypsy procession. From the year 1225 it was predominantly a Gypsy state. Smolankovo was invaded by Poland in the 16th century and was under Polish rule until 1832 when the entire Polish garrison was forced out of their barracks and cosequently across the border by a rabid skunk. It is said that the day skunks no longer inhabit Smolankovo, the Polish will return.

Smolankovo has been ruled by Gypsy Kings since the arrival of Zold Zdilva in the 17th Century who established the Shmat (Royal Court). The Royal line was broken with the arrival of communism in 1945. The first democratic elections were held in the country in 1992 but overzealous Communist supporters rigged the elections resulting in 103% of the votes going to Josef Stalin (deceased).

History

Jesus was outlawed in 1219, but not before his second coming in Smolankovo in 1227, where he caused a small fire in a mill and refused to pay for the wheat he destroyed.

From New York State Route 437

This is an article about New York's shortest state highway, which is 0.3 miles long. I couldn't resist adding this when I created the article, and finally took it out after nobody noticed for over a month:

This article about a New York state highway is a stub because the road itself is a stub. NYSDOT could help Wikipedia by expanding it.

Japanese spider crab

Genji 2, a "historically accurate" Sony PlayStation 3 game, features a giant crab. Players can attack its weak point for massive damage, and tactical advantage can also be achieved through real-time weapon changing.

Later changed to:

The spider crab also had relevance in many Japanese ancient battles, where its opponents (in real locations) won by attacking its weak point (located on its underbelly) for massive damage. The more skilled samurai swordsmen used real-time weapon changing to obtain a tactical advantage before engaging its weak point.

From Deaths in 2006

Tom Hanks, aging actor, death by wooden performance in The Da Vinci Code

From Stannards

Bryan Paul Clark, born on the 26 of November in the year of our Lord 1990, resides in this hamlet. He often throws parties involving activity of swimming and burning things. Also drinking soda, and watching movies.

Liam Howell

Liam Howell (born Feb 27, 1989) is an American boy genius. He currently lives in Singapore where he writes novels and manages his own religion, the Church of the Rising Sun.

Background

From the moment he was born, the doctors knew he would grow up to accomplish great things. At only 6 months old, he was already walking and talking with the vocabulary of a twelve-year-old. When he was 4, he fixed his father's broken car. At age 7, his parents sent him in to take an I.Q. Test, but young Liam astounded the test people by getting every question right. They said that they would need to come up with a more extensive test before they could determine Liam's outstanding I.Q. He wrote his first novel at age 10, the #1 Best-Seller Help! I'm too smart!. He had already made a million dollars by he time he was 12. His parents enrolled him into the United World College of South East Asia when he was twelve and it was there that he met Saif Dia. Although Liam was not nearly as smart or as good-looking as Saif, the two became friends. Sometime during grade 10, Liam realized that the school was holding him back, so he left and enrolled in the Singapore American School where he currently is staying.. Marcus Yang (a certified stud) is an avid devotee to the Church of the Rising Sun. He is also part of Liam's World of Warcraft clan and is a level 51 Tauren Shaman (with a big magical sword). Apparently you have to weigh 600kg to be bullet proof, this theory will be tested in the next few weeks. UWC's other studs, Chris 'big-test-tube/paedophile' Barnes and Sai 'oh my goodness' Krishna are also ardent followers of this fabulous religion. Alex Fu (a former certified stud) was an ordained Bishop of the Church of the Rising Sun but quit to start his own religion called 'Eh!' which has currently one member.

File:Liam posing.jpg

Liam posing for a friend.

The Genius

His brilliance seems to come from his ancestors; and with his middle name being Gillelan, who would doubt it? The young Liam is related to Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci and even Stephen Hawking. In addition, when Liam was 14, he invented a device that could actually increase your I.Q. by artificially growing more nerves to connect the right and left brain. When he was 15, he won the Nobel Peace Prize for his inventions, which Liam asked the NPP Committee to mail to him secretly as he did not want to embarrass the other members of the science community.

Liam, when interviewed on the Tonight show by Jay Leno, also attributed part of his success to the dim qualities of another friend he met in Singapore while attending the United World College of South East Asia, Nicholas James Siew. He said "Being friends with Nick was amazing, his brilliance encouraged, rather, inspired me to succeed." He then continued "...[Nick] pulled me aside one time and gave me some advice,saying "Liam,don't try to immitate other people because if you do it wrong, you will look foolish. Be yourself, and focus on your own strenths and try to fix you own weaknesses. He then flicked his hair back and, in a way that for somereason I found incredibly attractive and probably explains why he's currently dating supermodel Adriana Lima*,leaned back and yawn, flexing his taught, muscular arms..." He then finished his interview, after blanking out with a glazed look in his eye for a few minutes by quoting Oscar Wilde, "People who aren't Nick, just plain suck."

Then, during the press conference following his Olympic Gold Medal win in competitive figure skating (It may be of interest to note it was here Nicholas James Siew won 7 gold medals for various events, but neglected to be interviewed and instead boarded his Lear Jet back to one of his private estates worldwide, and thus causing the press to have to resort to interview Liam Howell.), Liam would say, "What allowed me to be so successful, was reading and scrupulously learning what I could from Nick, collecting all his thirty seven books, and his interview in Time Magazine, where he was named man of the century, among others. As well as this, during the month he finally conceded to Hef's constant begging for him to visit the Playboy Mansion, Nick agreed to allow me to tag along, and this is where I learnt a huge deal from him." He finished saying, "I owe everything I have to Nick. If I could say one thing to him, and just one hting, it would have to be khank you.'

• As of January 18th, 2006, Nicholas James Siew is now also dating supermodels Alessandra Ambrossio and Heidi Klum, as well as Adriana Lima. Also, he has been seen several times with several actresses such as Jessica Alba and numerous others. Quoting Adriana Lima, "Nick is too much man for jsut one woman. It's my duty to share him with the world. He has a quality that just makes women want him, and men want to be him."

Male Model

Liam's boyish good looks got him a summer job as a male model. While visiting in New York for a business trip, he was pulled aside by a talent agent who offered him a contract. Liam went in and became one of the "...sexiest male models to walk into this agency". Liam quit shortly after to pursue his career in science, thus allowing Angkan Mukherjee to take his place as the new monarch of modeling.

Religion

Liam founded the Church of the Rising Sun when he was 16 which started as small, underground organization that praises the prophet Liam Howell. It currently has over 21,000,000 members and more are joining every day. The Vatican made this comment, "The Church of the Rising Sun, although for a good cause, must be stopped or it will become more popular than Christianity." Although the prophet Liam Howell is praised, the focus of all this worship is on Nicholas James Siew, who members believe not only to be a prophet, but their Messiah.

References

• Brown, Jeremy (1999) The Boy, The Genius. New York: Times Books International.
• Liam Howell: The Boy Wonder (March 28, 2002). The Straights Times.
• The Asiaweek Newsmap (April 27, 2000). Asiaweek.
• Our Savior, Liam Howell. The Church of the Rising Sun handbook.
• Liam Howell (1999) Help! I'm too smart! . Self-Published.
• Davidson, Carlson P. (1998) A King meets a God, the Story of how Liam Howell, with Guidance from Nicholas Siew, Be What He Is Today.
• Lima, Adriana, (2005), E! Entertainment Interview, on how she managed to have a relationship wiht Nicholas James Siew
• Fletcher, Roger Introduction to Fritz Fischer, From Kaiserreich to Third Reich, London: Allen & Unwin, 1986.

Man Beast: The Night of Death (movie)

Main movie plot

Set in 1970's Russia, Man Beast is the classic retelling of Beauty and The Beast with emphasises how cool beasts are. Nicholas Cage plays John McGoodguy, a straight up all American, who isn't afraid to bend the rules but knows why they're there and respects the hell out of them. In 1970 he's on a chartered plane to a 3rd world country with medical supplies for sick and dying children. His plane crash lands in Russia inside a nuclear reactor. McGoodguy escapes with only minor cuts and bruises..... or so he thought.

• Tagline: "What is a man when he is covered in hair and has claws?.

Rules

In ManBeast there a certain expressed rules of how one can turn into a manbeast or womanbeast.

1. Falling from a plane into a nuclear reactor.

2. Falling in love and copulating with a manbeast (spoiler for film's ending).

3. Being birthed by a manbeast or woman beast.

Cast

• Nicolas Cage – Manbeast / John McGoodguy

• Ewan McGregor – Marconi Villanoni

• Famke Jansen – Nadia Romanov

• Patrick Stewart – Bill McGoodguy / Head of DynaCorp / Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise

Quotes

"What's happening to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee?!" - John McGoodguy

"With great power, comes great fun." - Manbeast

"You're mine now Manbeast. Try to run away. I think you'll find that you' been paralysed. Oh yes. You're going nowhere" Manconi Villanoni

"Help" - Nadia

"I H-h-hate you" - Manbeast

"I was behind it all John. Sorry" - Bill McGoodguy

Assicon

A collection of phrases blending buttocks, emotions, and texts to form cute ASCII arts, used mainly in mobile phone text messaging and computer online chatting (netlingo).

E.g., :) for smile. The word assicon originates from ass + icon. It is pronounced as "air'-see-con".

Here are some examples of assicons:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_^^_) a bubble ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_o^^o_) a wise ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) money coming out of his ass

(_?_) dumb ass

Note that you don't need to tilt your head to view assicons, unlike smileys.

Wroon

Wroon, sometimes spelled ryun, is a multi-purpose tool used to turn bolts and also serves as an eating utensil. Anciently, metal tools were expensive to manufacture and were quite heavy, so to economize on space and material, the common wrench and spoon were combined.

This adjustable wroon from the late 1970's is a first generaion "left hand" unit. On later generations of the left-handed tool, the spoon portion is flipped 180 degrees so that the concave side is away from the handle.

The advent of the adjustable wroon brought the tool to common workers in the early 1900's. Microcomputers and now, nanotechnology, has greatly increased the value of the wroon as a most adaptable and effective tool fore the modern laborer.

Most commercial grade wroons use technology and embedded computers to make tool usage and eating more efficient and effective. Wroons are ubiquitous and are becoming what the MIT Media Lab calls "things that think". The wroon is pervasive now, but within a few years should include more advanced artificial intelligence or fuzzy logic to perform self-adjusting and administratvie functionalities.

History

Ancient wroons

Combining the wrench and spoon appears to have occured in Asia Minor. During the Trojan War, Greek engineers required a tool to tighten large bolts to keep the Trojan Horse together as it was moved inside the gates of Troy (Ilium). Since space was confined inside the horse, the soldier/mechanics could not carry extra tools. Five bronze devices approximately 14 inches long with a 13/16" four-sided socket wrench on one end and a spoon on the other were forged by a weapons smith named Diplocorethus. The plan and tool worked well.

Little is heard of the wroon after Troy except for possible usage by Diades of Pella, who was Alexander the Great's seige weapons engineer, and by Roman Leigion usage. The mechanics used the wroon to repair wagons during long marches and soldiers used it on the ballista, a complex weapon for its time. Since both mechanics and ballista operators needed to have the wrench handy and soldiers were required to carry their own eating utensils, the wroon gained popularity with this group.

Ancient wroon found in Bath in Southern England. This piece probably was used by a ballista operator.

They were used on Roman frontiers were soldiers were on the move. Most were forged from iron and quite heavy, weighing up to three pounds, such that eating with the spoon was difficult for weaker users.

Adjustible wroon

The wroon declined in popularity because of their weight and the increase in different sizes of bolt heads. It was no longer practical to incorporate eating utensils to a tool that was not required to carried at all times. In the late 1900's, Eita Spanner reinvented the wroon by incorporating an adjustable wrench with the spoon. He worked on the New York City Subway system and found that eating meals at his task location was easier than crawling up and down the elevated train system structure to make adjustments. There were many sizes of bolts to be manipulated so he developed a wrench that adjusted the head size and attached it to a spoon. This reduced effort in getting to difficult places and reduced the number of tools to be carried.

Modern wroon

In 1994 the first smart wroon hit the market. It was tested extnesively before release using design principles as outlined by Donald Norman in the "Design of Everyday Things" (ISBN 0385267746). The tool had become ergonomically correct for use by both right and left handed operators. Microprocessors could easily be added to the tool, but the interface was not practical due to the inability to enter information into the tool. With voice recognition software becoming more practical in the late 1990's, effective human-computer interaction was possible. The use of the tool was now able to verbally command the wrench to increase or decrease in size via electric control motors which replaced the manual screw control. Ambient noise reduced the effectiveness of continuous tool adjustment.

Some wroons were fitted with cell phone technology in the early 1990’s, but this was abandoned as mobile phones became smaller. Most users did not like talking into a large wroon while driving or walking through the grocery store. The voice transmission was popular so that on-line installation guides could talk the user through their work in any location. Many wroons still allow for two-way communication activated by voice command. This enables the user to use both hands for the work being performed.

High-tech nanowroon

With the availability of high resolution imaging and pressure sensors durable enough to stand up to the rigors of the work place environment, the wroon has become a most effective tool. As nanotechnology is increasingly viable as an afordable technology, further improvements are being made to make the wroon a most invaluable tool for the construction laborer. Many of the technologies developed for the wroon are now being studied by the United States Department of Defense for adaptation to military purposes.

Technologies and advantages

Following are some features of wroons in use:

Auto adjusting

• Camera mounted on back surface of adjustable portion on wrench input image of the bolt or nut to the computer which then adjusts the size of wrench by small electric motors in the adjusting screw. This task is accomplished automatically –usually in less than a half a second - as the wroon is brought into position.
• Voice recognition features allow the user to “manually” tighten or loosen the wrench. Hands-free adjustment speeds up installation time and keeps both hands at work.

Heating/cooling features

• Thermostat in the wroon can be set so that the handle is maintained at a comfortable temperature to the user by means of a small resistance heater. This is appreciated by workers in the winter. Cooling feature is not yet available.
• Thermostat is also programmable for the spoon end of the device. If the food is too hot, a warning sound reminds the user to blow on the food before eating. If the food is too cool, it will be heated by the spoon heater. No cooling device for ice cream is available.

Built in sensors

• Sensors in the wrench detect the amount of torque from the tool to the bolt and provides a digital read-out so that the user knows how tight the bolt is. The response can be audible so that the user does not have to be able to see the wrench display. This eliminates the need for a torque wrench required to verify proper nut setting.
• Anti-theft features embedded in the device are useful given the cost of the tool. The biometric sensors embedded in tool hand read the thumb print of the user and will only work for registered users, thus making the tool useless to fencers. If the wroon detects an unauthorized person touching it, it will sound an alarm or say “put me down, I am not your wroon”. If it is GPS enabled, it will also activate the tracking device so that the owner can know its location by connecting to a web site.

Assistive administration

• Timesheet functionality: the wroon can be used to record work being performed. Sensors detect and the tools onboard computer records who is using the tool and how the tool is used, such as the size of bolts used on, pressure applied, number of turns applied, etc. The working time information is sent daily through WiFi, Bluetooth, or by HotSync to the company web site by secure transmission and is automatically entered into the accounting system, thereby streamlining administrative costs.
• Inventory control: the wroon can record each bolt or nut used and transmit the sizes and quantities of materials to a database which will then use the data for invoicing and inventory replenishment and control. This saves administrative costs and frees the laborer from doing paper work.
• Speech recognition and recording functions enable the user to input information concerning the job. This poka-yoke method saves paperwork errors performed after the work is completed.

Artificial intelligence

• Power usage: Many wroons are equipped with photovoltaic cells that power the unit and recharge the batteries. Some models gain power from bio-nano generators in the user to replenish batteries. Both methods are generally adequate to power the unit except in extreem cold environments in which the handle heater is used.
• The wroon will monitor its own operation and energy level and notify the operator verbally of any servicing needs that it may have. The information is also transmitted to the web site controlling the tool so that service data is recorded. The tool will learn to make changes based upon its environment that increase its own effectiveness.

Adaptive input devices

• High-tech wroons recognize speech, can be hooked to a WiFi keyboard, or can accept input by gesture recognition via the unit's camera or by internal sensors measuring displacement of the tool.
• Eyetap in conjuction with GPS and the MA Wroon allows the tool to "visualize" the work the laborer sees and provide direction through the split eye piece while the laborer is able to keep is eyes on the work and hands on the tool.

Disadvantages

• Microwave functionality does not exist to heat food.
• The tool does not actually exist.

Wroon manufacturers

Many firms make wroons for light duty use, including:

• Stanley
• Rigid
• Pluckindor
• Estwing]]
• Maknosense

For high-tech features, the principle brands are:

• MA Wroon (version D is signature line)
• Wroon eTune (machine to human interface primarily by tones)
• Wroon Yordey

References

Look up "gullible"

From Guildall performing arts boarding school for girls

Guildall is a performing arts secondary boarding school for girls, it is in Hull and is quite small. In total just 48 girls attend the school with only 8 teachers. The school is well known for sending highly talented young girls into society however it is very expensive. The school has strict rules but it is a family environment. It is for girls aged 11 - 18 and although it is not well known, those who know it are impressed. There are 8 girls in each year but only 4 in years 12 and 13. You have to audition to enter it and only the very best of 11 year old girls are admitted into the school.

ps. do not take this article seriously, this school may only exist in the mind of a 13 year old girl!

From Internet phenomenon

• Kevin Federline — Britney Spears's second husband (the one she stayed married to for more than a few hours.) Ostensibly, he is a performer of some sort, possibly a singer. His video of himself playing his single "Popozao" to the press in a recording studio led to several video spoofs as well as James Lipton from Inside the Actors Studio reciting the lyrics on Late Night with Conan O’Brien.

from XOSP

To be eaten by a very large animal, primarily marine, or to imitate the act of this ingestion by means of hand movements and the uttering of the word XOSP. XOSP can also refer to any smaller object being engulfed by a massive one, such as a tsunami would engulf a surfer. Pronounced "EX-OSS-P".

Bjarang

Bjarang is an unknown aboriginal sport that is said to have been invented in Burma(Myanmar). The sport invloves finding the longest piece of grass and took immense skill and knowledge of the ground. It is said that Godfrey Nicholas 'stumbled' across the game wehn he himself was studying the fine art of grass.

The world champion is currently Daived Moodae (Tubak), who won the won the world championships in 2006 in Brisbane. He won a thrilling contest against Abdul Bomber (Burma), as the tense match ended being decided by sudden death sitiuation.

Although Bjarang is a very unknown sport, it is said it will spread widely, especially in less developed contries. It is hinted that in 2016, it will become an olympic sport along with paintball and snooker.

Allthough Bjarang is a near ruleless goame, some rules have been introduced into the western game, such as genetically modified grass, and grass "extenders" the longest ever piece of grass found to be legal, was 37 inches by Daived Moodae

From Civil War

I would like to say a few things about this so called "civil war."

Combat

Confederate soldiers ran around with sticks wackin the union soldiers scrotums.

Union soldiers sharpened their finger nails and poked the confederate soldier's man boobies.

...I was not pleased wth this.

Lifestyle

It was quite a refreshing life style. For cleaning themselves they dug a small hole and shoved their penis's in and out as hard as they could until they felt they were clean. It was quite a long time!

For eating the took young childeren's testicles and grinded them up with ass skin until it formed a paste. Then they chow down.

Entertainment

Well when they felt a little depressed they just smoked some crack...

From X-Treme Napping

X-Treme Napping (Also known as Extreme Napping or Intense Napping) is a practice of regaining energy without technically sleeping. X-Treme Napping is done with the person's eyes wide open, yet mentally, they are resting their mind in the same way that one would do so if they were really sleeping. X-Treme Napping is a very effective way of regaining energy at times when a person really can not sleep normally, such as at work. The practice of X-Treme Napping can be traced back to as far down in history as to the ancient times, when cavemen would attempt to see who could go the longest without sleep. In order to regain energy, they would participate in X-Treme Napping. X-Treme Napping is used in modern times just as often as it was used in the past, as it is one of the most effective ways of regaining energy without the use of coffee or similar energy boosting products.

From "Dropped cheese"

Dropped Cheese is a tradition whose roots can most likely be traced back to the small villages in the Gudbrandsdal valley in central Norway. Dating back to post-medieval times, this tradition involves an annual celebration (often with smaller occasions marking seasons or when necessary) in which townsfolk participated in the practice of dropping a piece of cheese (originally Geitost, a firm brown cheese which originated in this area) wrapped in an animal hide or other suitable encasement, often cloth-based, into a gorge or waterfall. The reasoning behind this was that on the cheese’s covering would be written or engraved an inscription or request to a deity, and if the cheese emerged from the turbulent waters unscathed and deemed edible with the covering still intact, then it was considered consecrated and it was thought this could provide a greater degree of favourability from the Gods.

This tradition is thought to have spread through villages in this area, and developed several variations across the valley. In some regions, it was said to have even been used to provide judgement on petty criminals and settle disputes, as a thief who was deemed to be worthy of mercy could be offered the chance of forgiveness if a piece of cheese from the victim could successfully survive a “dropping” after having the offenders’ crime written on the covering in the traditional manner. If the cheese’s survival was unsuccessful this was deemed to seal the criminal’s fate, with a far worse punishment being inflicted. It is thought that this method was also used to solve minor disputes, with one party providing the cheese and another the method, and whichever emerged first being victorious, and in the case of the whole “parcel” remaining unharmed, further “rounds” were to follow, or a compromise was to be agreed.

It is thought that local dairies in the larger villages would treat the main annual event (held towards the end of the New Year festivities, as this was deemed to be the time when the Gods were most munificent) as a celebration of the local community, with larger cheeses being produced to be “dropped” to give an idea of the village’s fortune over the coming year. During this event, local prayers or pagan proverbs were inscribed on the sheath, and if successful the event capitulated in a communal meal involving the cheese and the inscribed covering was sometimes affixed to the horgr, a form of alter used for worship in medieval Norse religion.

This practice mainly died out after the Christianisation of Scandinavia, as although many traditions continued from this earlier period, the worsening climate and economic situations facing Norway after being on the losing side of the Napoleonic wars (having supported France after the principality of Norway/Denmark was attacked by the British) it was deemed that sacrificing food in this manner was an unsuitable use of scarce resources. The practice has continued on a much smaller scale into modern times, but much of the symbolism has been lost, although there has been a resurgence in popularity due to increased tourism in this region in the latter part of the 20th century, and has been spread to several countries by returning tourists.

Manly Sewing

The art of Manly Sewing (or Extreme Sewing) has been practiced throughout the ages. First by the ancient Egyptians where it is believed the sport evolved due to overcrowding in the papyrus sewing office space, they were forced to find alternate working room. Seeing the Nile as a large flat open unused space they built stationary rafts which they floated out on to the Nile but alas over crowding once again pressed the honest clerks right to the edge of the rafts leaving them to contend with Hippos, Crocodiles and enthusiastic work over seers the most dangerous job in Egypt was formed soon to become both right of passage and extreme sport.

Although it as believed to be handed down through the rest of time the next reference to the art was not to be found till around 2000 BC when reference is made to a druidic right of passage in which a young druid must travel deep into the woods cover himself with a mixture of blood honey and herbs guaranteed to attract any predators wait till they arrive stun them then sew out of the hides of wolfs and bears a new jacket whilst fending off the still living carnivores.

Speculation is made throughout the ages that Manly Sewing was what the coliseums where originally built for and the sport was given a renaissance during the reign of Queen Victoria the First.

Whatever its history it is known that a rendition is played throughout the underground involving a climbing wall snow cat and a particularly difficult cross stitch it is believed that this sport attracts a large amount of attention from the aristocracy of Britain played in all shady ex sports venues.

From Extraordinary Ability

Aliens of Extraordinary Ability "Aliens of extraordinary ability" (EB-1A) is an achievement-based opportunity for a green card. This category is available for those individuals who have risen to the small percentage at the very top of his or her field.

---

Qualifications of an Alien of Extraordinary Ability Unless you have won a Nobel Prize, an Oscar, or a similar internationally recognized award, you must meet at least 3 of 10 alternative criteria:

Lesser nationally or internationally recognized prizes or awards Membership in associations that require outstanding achievement (as judged by recognized experts) Significant published material (written by others) about you and your work Service as judge of the work of others in your field Major contributions to your field Scholarly articles or publications Artistic exhibitions or showcases Leading or critical role for distinguished organizations High salary or remuneration (compared to others in the field) Commercial success in performing arts

For more information who can get this case visit http://www.greencardlawyers.com

Earls

Okay, so this isn't really nonsense or deletable; I just thought it was funny and needed to share. Skittle 21:42, 21 May 2006 (UTC)

From the article Earl:

Earls still held influence and as "companions of the king", were regarded as supporters of king's power. They showed that power for the first time in 1327 when they deposed Edward II.

From WP:VfD

Dunno if this already here (maybe it is) but User:SPUI changed VfD to this: --M1ss1ontomars2k4 | T | C | @ 23:30, 21 May 2006 (UTC)

This is a place to delete votes. The page formerly called Votes for deletion is now Articles for deletion.

Votes for deletion is a place to list any vote that you wish be deleted. Why? Because voting is evil! See also Survey guidelines. This page is not a vote. It is merely a place to discuss getting rid of existing votes.

==How to use==

Simply add a section to the vote entitled "Let's delete this vote" and link it here. Then add a new section below.

==Votes for deletion==

===Robert Moses (example)===

There is a vote on Talk:Robert Moses over whether to use the phrase "what the fuck was he thinking" or "was he on crack" in the article Robert Moses. I think this is a rather stupid vote, and the issue can be fixed more easily by not using either phrase. --SPUI (talk) 22:06, 25 September 2005 (UTC)

From Talk:Infinite monkey theorem

You may first want to familiarize yourself with the theorem. -Timrem

The useful life of the universe (at least as far as the monkeys are concerned) is approximately 1E14 years (see 1_E19_s_and_more), as after that the last stars cool off and the monkeys can neither be kept warm or fed any more bananas (since bananas require sunlight, which comes from stars). 31 million seconds x 1E14 years x 1 keypunch per second = 31E20 keypunches per monkey in the useful life of the universe (i.e. 1E14 years). Probability therefore requires 21E33 monkeys typing through the useful life of the universe just to type “to be or not to be that is the question”. The last 2 lines of this Hamlet soliloquy, “The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my sins remember'd.” would require the work of 18E67 monkeys without punctuation; or 9E70 monkeys to reproduce it with its proper punctuation, but still without capital letters or carriage returns.

An interesting question at this point is, is it truly Shakespeare without the carriage returns? And without the capital letters? What about the stage directions?

Anyway, there is only 1E53kg of mass in the universe (see 1_E51_kg) with which to create these 9E70 monkeys, their typewriters, and (again) all the paper and ribbons and typewriter repairmen required to keep them going, and that’s assuming you can use up all the universe’s hydrogen and helium to make these things, which again begs the question of where you're now going to find the bananas.

Of course, there's likely fewer than 1E8 monkeys in the universe right now, so... well... you figure out for yourself how long it would take to breed 9E70 from a population of 1E8. Thus, the question of where you're now going to find the monkeys.

Also, you need to keep the monkeys in proximity to each other, because they're taking up all the mass of the universe and otherwise there's no gravity. No gravity would mean that each keypunch will result in the typewriter permanently flying away from the monkey (see Classical_mechanics), and given the low mass-density of the universe (under 1 atom per cubic meter), you've got pretty much no hope of ever getting another letter typed on that particular typewriter by anyone after it flies away, much less 1 keypunch per second. Yes, of course, you could tether each monkey to its typewriter, but first you have to find a tether material to last for 1E14 years. Here's a hint: don't bother trying.

The monkeys also have to be kept as close together as possible to minimize the problem of ripe banana delivery. Unfortunately, keeping 9E70 monkeys in proximity to each other for 1E14 years will mean the probability approaches one that one heck of a poop-throwing fight will wreck the piece of paper that this purported Shakespeare was typed on anyway.

And at that point, you should also consider this theory from the existentialist point of view. Read up on how hard it is on a monkey to be kept in a laboratory. Now imagine that these monkeys instead are being kept in a universe where the only thing they are able to do - anywhere in the universe - is type on a typewriter, eat a banana, bite a repairman, or throw poop at the universe. I'm sure a large number of these monkeys would commit suicide rather than be fated to such a dismal existence - certainly any who evolve a superior intelligence will! But what do you think these monkeys will do over 1E14 years? Evolve. Boy, this is looking even more doomed.

And what would such a project would entail for the entropy of the universe? Since we're attempting to convert the mass of the universe into monkeys, typewriters, ribbons, paper, typewriter repairmen and bananas, and then transporting them into one location, wouldn't that mean a terrific increase in entropy for the universe as a whole? And let's just hope that collecting all those monkeys (and typewriters!) (and bananas!) together in one place doesn't cause the whole mass of 'em to implode into one big Supermassive_black_hole, or you'll never know what they wrote.

So, the infinite monkey theorem proves to be mathematically a theoretical certainty, but at the same time a real-world complete impossibility. Shows you how useless mathematics is, eh? I'm pretty sure that all this proves that this Emile Borel fellow must have been a bit bananas.

24.213.90.49 01:44, 30 September 2005 (UTC) John Merrall Who's A Bit Too Much Of A Realist But Is Writing A Provisional Master's Thesis On Just This Sort Of Thing If You Believe What He Says So Please Don't Nick These Ideas

from Deletion log

• 07:23, May 22, 2006 Freakofnurture deleted "Talk:Hard hat" (content was: 'Do hard hats have an expiration dates?' (and the only contributor was '141.197.4.157'))

From Computer

Computers work by magical elves that live within the CPU. These elves love to dance and play and it is the magic from their collective frollicking that causes the computers to run. From time to time, the elves will overpopulate and population control will have to be initiated. This is the job of the case fan. The elves need no food to survive, instead living on table scraps that your computer eats when you are not looking.

Dan bunger

From Dan bunger, a candidate for speedy deletion.

Dan Bunger (1989-future)is a very popular resident of Newtown, CT. Having gained fame from his strong jaw line and sharp wit, Dan has gained the respect and admiration of the region's constituents. A graduate of Middle Gate Elementary School in 2000, Dan later went on to graduate from Newtown Middle School in 2003. A current student at Newtown High School (home to the Nighthawks)he has enjoyed much acclaim from his fellow class-mates.

Opinions on Dan Opinions on Dan are mixed, ranging from extreme admiration to unwavering love. When asked about Dan, peers said:

"His jaw line? Ummm... its about normal... you know, mildly masculine."-Andrew "Sketchy" Kmetzet

"Dan is like the go-to guy for things regarding himself."-Chris Potter

"l33t"-unknown

"HAHAHA, like one time...damn, I miss nostalgia."-John Nelson

from Nonsense

Sense is also found masquerading as nonsense, though mostly only in the texts that are extruded as a form of overanalytical prose by the academe or those that share a similar weltanschauung, such as those members of the aspiring intelligentsia with sufficient resources to devote time and attention toward pursuing the noble craft of finely substantiating the bombast of hyperactive mental activity that is the common curse of all those whose lifelong edification has procured a cerebral state of sufficient complexity and savoir faire that only the densest (and at the same time subtlest) mediums of communications suffice in assisting with the daunting task of unravelling those mysteries that have haunted mankind since the dawn of ages, with of course the simultaneous recognition that while the intractable nature of such enigmas automatically renders such pursuits inevitably unavailing, there still remains a bona fide yearning to better grasp the intricacies of modern human understanding and to encourage a glasnost among those who view the universe with a certain je ne sais quoi formed by the inevitable helplessness that is the sine qua non of our very existence, poised as is it on the brink of oblivion, where lies no possible new Zeitgeist to inspire further hope or indeed any imaginable raison d'etre.

Ha ha ha. Doesn't he know that the plural of "medium" is "media"? Ignoramus. WikiwikiwikiwikiWildWildWest 10:35, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

from Artur mednikov

artur mednikov is a famous baby eater that lived from 1800-1857 he is know for eating over 3000 babies in his lifetime, and sometimes ate 9 babies per day

from Masturbation [2]

	Template:Current

User:Boston Boys Fantasy Baseball

How to list a page for deletion (log)

All you need to know about my friends and I:

(This is also so you know who your working with)

Our favorite ballpark

File:Baseball (ball) closeup.jpg

A baseball

The Boston Boys Fantasy Baseball League

The Boston Boys Fantasy Baseball League is an ongoing competition between ten baseball fans in the greater Boston Massachusetts area. There have been many controversies in the league since its creation three years ago. Yet it still survives on the strong dedication of its members.

League Itinerary

Current Season: 3

Current Commissioner: Cuddely Corn Dogs

Current Assistant Commisioner: da Fibonaccistein

Current # of Factions: 4 - Loyalists, Nuetralists, Northern Alliance, Mafia Coalition.

Faction Rosters: Loyalits - Cuddely Corn Dogs, Mamma Mia Pizzeria

Nuetralists - Busy Bumble Bees, Micheal Scott

Northern Alliance - Bread-and-Butter, pork fried rice, Dwight K. Schrute, da Fibonaccistein.

Mafia Coalition - The Godfather, Maffiosa.

Current Style of Government: Controlled Dictatorship

League Rules

Current league rules include, but are not limited to:

League format: Yahoo! Free Fantasy Baseball

Max Teams: 10

Scoring Type: Head-to-Head

Player Universe: All baseball

Max Moves: No maximum

Max Trades: No maximum

Trade Reject Time: 0

Trade End Date: No trade deadline

Waiver Time: 2 days

Can't Cut List Provider: Yahoo! Sports

Trade Review: League Vote Post

Draft Players: Follow Waiver Rules

Min Innings Pitched: 18

Weekly Deadline: Daily - Tomorrow

Start Scoring on: Week 1

Roster Positions:

C, 1B, 2B, 3B, SS, OF, OF, OF, Util, Util, SP, SP, SP, RP, RP, RP, P, P, P, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN, DL

Stat Categories: R, HR, RBI, SB, TB, AVG, OPS, W, L, SV, K, HLD, ERA, WHIP

Rule Changes

Currently, there has been only one major rule change in the league. This includes the abolishment of the ability for GM's in the league to veto trades. This means that if a trade is agreed upon by two members of the league, it will go through no matter what. Because of controversy, after year one, there are no reviews of trades.

Current Teams

Currently, there are ten teams in the league. These teams include:

1. da Fibonaccistein

2. Cuddely Corn Dogs** - CURRENT COMMISIONER

3. Bread and Butter

4. Micheal Scott

5. Busy Bumble Bees

6. pork fried rice

7. Mamma Mia Pizzeria

8. The Godfather

9. Maffiosa

10. Dwight K. Schrute

Some Team Photos

League Factions

The Loyalist Logo

File:Flaggy.JPG

The Northern Alliance Flag

The Loyalists

Leader: Cuddely Corn Dogs

Government Style: Controlled Dictatorship

Current Members: Cuddely Corn Dogs, Mamma Mia Pizzeria

Purpose of Faction: The purpose of the Loyalist Faction is to suppress any sort of Revolution, and stay Loyal to the government, always, no matter what.

How It Was Formed: The Loyalist Faction was formed naturally. As other members of the league began to create their own parties, the Loyalists were the only ones that stayed true to the government.

The Northern Alliance

Leader: Bread-and-Butter

Government Style: Democratic

Current Members: Bread-and-Butter, pork fried rice, Dwight K. Schrute, da Fibonaccistein. NOTE: The Godfather still makes contributions to the Northern Alliance, but his heart lies with the Mafia Coalition.

Purpose of Faction: The purpose of this faction is and will always be to up hold and support a democratic style of government. The Northern Alliance would do anything to protect democracy. They have been known to cause chaos in the league, because of their fight for justice, but they believe it is chaos for the right reasons.

How It Was Formed: The Northern Alliance was formed to create Democracy in the League. For more information, see The Wildwood Accords

Nuetralists

Leader: None

Government Style: None

Current Members: Micheal Scott, Busy Bumble Bees.

Purpose of Faction: To not cause any controversy in the league, and not to step in the way of it as well.

How It Was Formed: Naturally. When everyone else was breaking up into different parties, these members decided to stay completley out of any controversy.

The Mafia Coalition

Leader: The Godfather

Government Style: Forget about it.

Current Members: The Godfather, Maffiosa

Purpose of Faction: To do the league's dirty work. They do have some ties with The Northern Alliance, but they are mainly only rely on eachorther.

How It Was Formed: See The Mafia Coalition: A New Faction Has Risen.

Faction Wars

So far, there has only been one war that was close to happening. It was between The Northern Alliance and everybody else. During this time, The Godfather was apart of the Northern Alliance. This war was settled by The Wildwood Accords.

Start of the League

File:Brown paper bag.JPG

Who knew that one paper bag would indirectly end up causing so much controversy.

The Boston Boys Fantasy Baseball League started during the year of 2004, during which several baseball fans and fantasy baseball addicts gathered around a lunch table to discuss creating a fantasy baseball league. The fantaics agreed on a 10 team, mixed league, with an annual league entry fee of five dollars (which has recently been raised to seven). Draft order was decided using slips of paper randomly selected from an unmarked lunch bag.

First Round Draft Selections through the years:

2004: 1B Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals

2005: RP Joe Nathan, Minnesota Twins

2006: OF Hideki Matsui, New York Yankees

The Boston Boys Fantasy Baseball League is a keepr league, meaning that each team gets to choose eight of its players to keep from year to year. The annual Selection of the Keepers is essentially a draft party, held each March, roughly three weeks from Major League Baseball's opening day.

Trials and Tribulations of the Boston Boys League

Throughout the short existance of the League, several disputes between managers have lead to to a number of prominant changes within the League. Most notably was the elimination of a League member, one "Yankee Fan". Reasons include, but are not limited to: No interest in team or the league in general, "dumping" players off to other teams, and also becoming angry when approached about the subject of Fantasy Baseball. Pork fried rice was invited to join the League during the second season, and eventually wound up the replacement for "Yankee Fan" after a highly heated dispute reguarding who the rightful replacement should be. May it be noted that Michael Scott was originally slated to leave the league instead of Yankee Fan, and did, but after a short time was allowed to rejoin after the elimination of the hated Yankee Fan.

The Lockdown and the Yarmouth Sprint

Cuddely Corn Dogs crossed this bridge in Yarmouth in 1 second

Each summer in The Boston Boys Fantasy Baseball league, the league commisioner packs up and travels to Cape Cod with his family for the summer. Being without a computer, he is forced to turn the league over to Assistant Commisioner, da Fibonaccistein. During the summer of 2004, the first year of the Boston Boys League, da Fibonaccistein was acting commissioner when catastrophe broke out. Chaos and cries of revolution could be heard throughout the league in the form of dozens of arguments and shouts of mutany. Overwhelmed with power, da Fiboniccistein could do nothing to stop it. League members were going mad, adding and dropping players like there was no tomorrow and causing more trouble than was wanted by anyone. One member went so far as to say they had given up and that he would accept any trade offered to him during a certain time frame. The replacement commisioner, da Fibonaccistein, had to act fast and decided to shut down the members ability to trade. The Godfather felt it was necessary that Cuddely Corn Dogs be notified of the chaos in the league. He called him, and left a Princess Laea-esque message on his machine. The Godfather actually recorded himself and sent a hologram message to Yarmouth, using his trusty robot R2D2. The message is thought to go something like this:

The Godfather: Josh...we need your h;elp...da Fibonaccistein is d;estroying the league...he is overwhelmed by his new pow;ers...you are our last hope...you need to save the league now. According to my radar, the nearest computer that has internet capabailities is located at the Yarmouth Library. *end transmission*

Once the real commisioner heard the news, he immeadiately sprinted to his bike,and got to the Yarmouth library as fast as possible in order to restore order to the league. It has been rumored that he actually reached terminal velocity on his bike, but it was never proven by scientific means. It is only a legend. The league was in total shock when they heard that nobody was allowed to add, drop, trade, or post messages on the message board. This lockdown went on for over two weeks. Once order was restored, the league returned to what was important.

The Jorge Sosa Incident

In the dog days of August, with competition still raging throughout the league, and the playoff race well underway, something smelled awry. pork fried rice (pfr) left for a 10 day vacation, leaving the commisioner in charge of his roster for the trip. pfr left instructions as to adding and dropping players, with one main requirment: DO NOT DROP JORGE SOSA. Two days in to the vacation, Jorge Sosa was dropped, due to a loss in playing time, according to the league office. There was much outrage from this incident throughout the league, becuase a direct order of a fellow owner was violated. In the end, nobody picked up Jorge Sosa, and no actions were taken by pfr. Though no big short term damage occured, this left a sour taste in the mouths of the league's members, and would build into controversy, and help lead to the Near Complete Coup d'Etat.

What to do with Rookies

A problem throughout the years has been about minor league prospects. This became an issue when Mafiossa had drafted prospect Delmon Young. Because he was not in the yahoo database, Mafiossa was forced to have an open roster spot until that player was availible. Without any warning, Cuddely Corn Dogs picked up said player. He was then dropped, but claimed off of waivers by Micheal Scott. Once Mafiossa realized it was very unlikely that Young would be starting at any time this year for Tampa Bay, he decided to drop all charges. However, the first incident of drafting minor league players occured during the draft of year two. Cuddely Corn Dogs decided to draft Huston Street, prospect for the Oakland Athletics. Nobody in the league was aware of said player. Many members in the league were angered by the pick. Also, Cuddely Corn Dogs had an imaginary spot on his roster until Street was called up. This also angered other members. Huston Street went on to win Rookie of the Year. Several teams in the league are now scouting players in the Little League World Series, in hopes of creating a good crop of ultimate-minor league players. Dwight K. Schrute was the first manager to recruit a LLWS star, claiming Dante Bichette Jr. in the 18th round of this years draft. History Buffs from the Catchphrase institute (a center for the study of Boston Boys Fantasy Baseball) spectualte this could lead into the Dante Bichette Jr. Debacle, later down the road.

The Jonny Gomes Fiasco

The Jonny Gomes Fiasco is one of the more recent controversies in the Boston Boys Fantasy Baseball League. Here is a brief overview of what happened: Before the draft started, Jonny Gomes was going to be a major sleeper for many teams. However, when one team tried to draft him (The Godfather) the League Commisioner told The Godfather that Jonny Gomes would not be playing at all this year, and he would be warming the bench for the Devil Rays. The Godfather then drafted someone else. Next up, the Bread-and-Butter took a risk on him anyways, since it was late in the draft. It turned out that there was no risk. Jonny Gomes was up on the Devil Rays' depth chart the whole time! The "risk" payed off for the Bread-and-Butter. Jonny Gomes currently has 11 HR through only one month. Who should actually own Jonny Gomes is still disputed today. Why the Commish relayed false information, nobody knows. This would set the stage for many things to come in the league.

The Politics of the League

Many deliberations have occured in this courtroom. For Example, The Wildwood Accords was signed here

Mamma Mia Pizzeria: Why do we need the politics of the league, anyways?

Current Style of Government: Controlled Dictatorship

Previous Style of Government (Years 1 & 2): Oppressive Dictatorship*

Factions: Loyalists, Northern Alliance, Maffia, Nuetralists

(*)Note: During The Summer of da Fibonaccistein, the Government was of a Laissez Faire style.

The Near Complete Coup d'Etat

During the winter after completion the second season, the members of The League felt that a change in commisioner was essential to keep order in the league. All but two members believed this. The members felt they were being supressed by an unfair dictatorship, and wanted a more fair democratic league. Other complaints included the changing of stat categories to remove losses as a stat. However, this revolution was not completed because the current commisioner said "And I'm getting pretty sick of you guys complaining. If you all hate me and my rules and ideas so much, then I'll just quit." Nobody wanted him to quit, so the revolution never went through.

We Want Democracy!! AKA Give Me Liberty, or Give Me Death!! AKA FREEDDOOMMMM!

Most of the members in the league were for a league where they got a say in every single decison that is made (for the people, by the people...) , rather than an autocratic style of government. The league members made a compromise over what type of Political system they would follow. The Commish still has absolute power, but the members of the league can have a say in what goes on all the time.

The Wildwood Accords

It is thought that the secret meeting took place in a house around this scenic forest

The Wildwood Accords is arguably the most important document in League history. Following the league's outrage during the Impersionation Era, and events like the Jorge Sosa Incedent, and the Dante Bichette Jr. Debacle, the league resorted to a rebellious and chaotic state in the off-season between the 2nd and 3rd seasons, The Near Complete Coup d'Etat. People say that during this time, the League was incredibly close to dispersing. There were times that the league came horrifically close to war. Thanks to the Wildwood Accords, disaster was avoided for the time being. The league was divided into three distinct factions: The Northern Alliance, led by Bread-and-Butter, The Godfather, Dwight K. Schrute, da Fibonaccienstien, and pork fried rice, held a meeting at a scenic, private, and undisclosed location on Wildwood Drive. The Northern Alliance was opposed by the Loyalists, consisting of Cuddely Corn Dogs and Mamma Mia Pizzera. Like Switzerland in World War II, Mafiossa, Busy Bumble Bees and Micheal Scott were all neutral during this time of heightened tension. The Northern Alliance set up negotiating terms for the Loyalists about stat categories, and administrative powers. The two parties communicated and established the Wildwood Accords, which stated that the Commissioner not do anything stupid, and the Northern Alliance would shut up. The style of government would forever change from an Oppressive Dictatorship to a Controlled Dictatorship. The Northern Alliance then proceeded to watch season one of The Office.

The Mafia Coalition

A New Faction Has Risen

After "Illegal Projectiles", The Godfather and Maffiosa were at eachothers necks for almost all of the second season. However, during the off-season leading up to season three, The Godfather and Maffiosa came to an agreement. They agreed that they would ally themselves as the Mafia within the league and they would return to having a strong esprit de corps. Ever since the Alliance was signed by these members they have backed eachother up throughout the third year. This created a new faction within the league. Although The Godfather will still always be apart of the Northern Alliance, his true alliance now lies with The Mafia.

The Impersionation Era

When the Other GM's Were Left in the Dark

The Near Complete Coup d'Etat was a result of the comissioner abusing his powers in a series of incidents including the Jorge Sosa Incedent, during what is now called The Impersonation Era. The commisioner took over control of the team Micheal Scott, without the consent of the owner. This led to trading players in deals not ratified by the owner of Micheal Scott. This outraged the league, because the comisioner was abusing his powers. This madness was eventually stopped, due to pushiong from the league, and the breaking of the communication barrier between Micheal Scott and the rest of the league. This subject of the commisioner's powers and how they were to be used, and had been used was finally put to rest that winter following the Wildwood Accords.

The Most Controversial Kid in the League

Since day one, over 3 years ago, The Godfather has been the most controversial kid in the league. Because of him, many long and stressful arguments occurred. He in many ways was the real reason why the league was locked down for those two longand frustrating weeks. He believed that da Fibonaccistein (acting commissioner while The Cuddely Corn Dogs was on vacation) was acting like a dictator, and was using his “powers” way over the limit. The Godfather believed that the only way to stop this madness was to call the real Commissioner. The Commissioner then locked down the whole league because of how poorly da Fibonaccistein ran the league. The whole league believes he will never shut up. He always has to have his way. In year two, Mafiossa and The Godfather were always at each other’s necks. Every time Mafiossa posted something, the Godfather would always fight back. These fights would last for days on end. However these two teams have fixed things up, yet small disagreements occur every once in a while. Probably the biggest reason why he is very controversial is because he always vetoed trades that he accepted already. During year one, he always accepted trades, then realized he made a mistake. He always got help from his cousin that guided him on every decision. He also got a lot of help from an outside source. Since year one, vetoing trades have not been allowed because of this kid. He not only vetoed his own trades, he vetoed other kids trades. If the person he wanted very badly was traded to someone else’s team, he would veto the trade because he was upset that he could get the player(s) he wanted. Many People also do not like how he won’t trade Manny Ramirez and Vladimir Guerrero**. He has had both of them since year two, and will not trade them. People have offered a lot, but he feels that they are his “Franchise Players”. Will he ever trade any of them? Only time will tell. However there have been reports that he was thinking of trading Vlad earlier this year, but has yet to trade him.

(**) It should be noted that The Godfather recently traded Vladimir Guerrero and CC Sabathia to Micheal Scott. The Godfather recieved...Mark Buehrle, Carlos Beltran, and Ryan Zimmerman.

Illegal projectiles and Member Property

What is thought to have happened when Ball met Backboard

After the completion of the draft of Year 2, the members of the league decided to play a good game of taps on Mafiossa's ultra-expensive basketball hoop. His hoop sounded great the whole game, until the incident occured. The Godfather was playing very intensely throughout the whole game. Finally, it was The Godfather's turn at the foul line. The game was getting close, and The Godfather would have done anything to win. When the other members would take their turn at the foul line,they would softly toss the ball against the backboard. However, The Godfather actually took a crow hop and threw the basketball as hard as humanly possible at it. It is rumored that the ball actually traveled faster than the speed of sound. This is noted because some members of the league report seeing the ball hit the backboard before they heard it. However, this was never proven by scientific means. After that, the backboard began to make weird noises. The Godfather denied any foul play in throwing the ball, but the members of the league continued to tease him about it. Finally, the Godfather got so steamed that he snapped. At first, The Godfather walked away and was about to go home. However, he turned around mysteriously. The members said, "what are you doing?" The Godfather singled out Busy Bumble Bees, saying "I'm gonna kill Busy Bumble Bees!!!!" However, he never fought BBB, because the other members broke up the conflict. The Godfather and Busy Bumble Bees had heated arguments soon after the conflict, but they now are back to having a good friendship.

This infamous event would start an on going conflict between The Godfather and Mafiossa the whole year. Mafiossa says that the board is broken, but the Godfather disagrees. The current state of the backboard is still disputed today.

The Open Mic Night Catastrophe

The Open Mic Night that Bread-and-Butter left.

On a Friday night in the winter before the 3rd season, many members of the League were spending some time at the open mic night that their school was putting on. Most of the problems were put behind members this night. In the middle of the show, The Godfather had recieved a text message from the commissioner saying that he had to create a new league because of a rule about a trade dedline. Here is the actual phone conversation that took place during the open-mic night:

The Godfather: Hello?

Bread-and-Butter: Ya, Whats up?

The Godfather: B & B, you need to get back to your house now! Cuddely Corn Dogs is going crazy! He is trying to start a new league or something, I;m tr;ying to fight it but no one will listen to me. So far Mamma Mia Pizzera is the only one to join! Get back here, now!! I need backup!

Bread-and-Butter: I'm on it!

Bread-and-Butter felt it was pivotal that he go home to try and see what was happening. He left the school and returned home in a record setting 1 minute and 32 seconds. He signed on immediately and gave The Godfather the backup he needed. Unfortunatley, he was too late. The old league was destroyed in favor of a new league. The reason for this decision is still disclosed to this date. Many people speculate that this was "the straw the broke the camel's back", in that the revolution was at its peak during this point. There was much tension during this time, and the coup d'etat was incredibly close to happening. The Northern Alliance and the Loyalists went on to sign the Wildwood Accords. (For more information, see The Wildwood Accords.) The decison to destroy the old league page upsetted many members of the league because they had signed up early enough to get a very nice and low league number. Many members felt that this was not crucial for the league. Unfortunately, nothing could be done to save the old yahoo league.

Best / Worst Team Moves

2004: Cuddely Corn Dogs takes Carl Crawford in the 13th round, Mike Young in the 16th, and Johan Santana in the 17th

2004: Cuddely Corn Dogs trades Johan Santana for Randy Wolf

2005: The Godfather trades his entire pitching staff for Randy Johnson.

2005: The Godfather agrees to a trade with Bread-and-Butter in which he receives Bobby Abreu, making him his new franchise player. The next day, da Fibonaccistein used his hypnotic powers to persuade the Godfather to trade Bobby Abreu for Wily Mo Pena and the injured Curt Schilling. After breaking out of the hypnotic spell and accepting the trade, The Godfather's first words were: Who is Wily Mo Pena? The Godfahter proceeded to drop Wily.

2005: pork fried rice trades Jake Peavy and Johnny Estrada for Jason Bay and Luis Ayala; He then proceeds to drop Bay.

2005: pork fried rice drops Dontrelle Willis

Hall of Champions

*The* Hall of Champions

2004: 1st Place: Dwight K. Schrute

     2nd Place: Mafiossa

     3rd Place: Cuddely Corn Dogs

2005: 1st Place: Cuddely Corn Dogs*

     2nd Place: Mamma Mia Pizzera*

     3rd Place: da Fibonaccistein

     *Cuddely Corn Dogs and Mamma Mia Pizzeria tied in the league championship game. 

However,due to the yahoo default tie-breaker, team ERA, Cuddely Corn Dogs was awarded the victory. The true winner of 2005's league is still in debate today.

On-Going Jokes

The Godfather: Isn;t Cory patterson play sports?

The Godfather: Stop making fun of my stupided!

The Godfather: Now he is going on the because not!

The Godfather: I believe we should not start over from scrath

When The Godfather believed we should not start over from scrath, his "C" key was broken due to spillage of Coca-Cola.

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ExampdsfjhfajkshfsdjkhfaJFKDHFAJKDHGJKle.jpg

From Snakes on a Plane

The movie has already been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, based on the fact that it will likely end world hunger, cure cancer, and bring about world peace.

From User talk:Kungfuadam

The reason that this page definently should not be deleted is because in Danville, Brock has written stories that have made everyone proud of him. He is a good person and therefore deserves some regognition. Delete his page and I hope you know you will outrage everyone who worked hard to get this up. THanks for deleting the page and outraging us all, I hope you now have a sense of pride in your heart for ruining the only thing a boy had, and smashing his dreams of becoming an author you abhorent fool. Wait till the govenor hears this one. Template:Unsigned

I await the governor's call to me. Wait, I don't live in that state so it is out of my jurisdiction!--Kungfu Adam ^(talk) 20:05, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

Assume Good Fish

Wikipedia policies and guidelines

Article standards

Neutral point of view Include only verifiable information - no original research Citing sources What Wikipedia is not

Working with others

Assume good fish Civility and etiquette Work towards consensus No personal attacks Don't disrupt Wikipedia to illustrate a point Resolving disputes

To assume good fish is a fundamental principle on any wiki, including Wikipedia. As we allow anyone to eat, it follows that we assume that most people who work on the project are trying to digest it, not disgorge it. If this weren't true, a project like Wikipedia would be doomed from the beginning.

So, when you can reasonably assume that something is a well-intentioned error, correct it without just regurgitating it or labeling it as vomitus. When you disagree with someone's fish, remember that they probably believe that they are helping the project. Consider using talk pages to explain yourself, and give others the opportunity to do the same. This can avoid misunderstandings and prevent pisces from escalating. Especially, remember to be patient with vegetarians, who will be unfamiliar with Wikipedia's culture and recipes.

A newcomer's fish probably seems appropriate to him or her and a problem usually indicates unawareness or misunderstanding of Wikipedian culture. It is not uncommon for a newcomer to believe that an unfamiliar recipe should be changed to match their experience elsewhere. Similarly, many newcomers bring with them experience or expertise for which they expect immediate respect. Behaviors arising from these perspectives are not necessarily malicious to fishes.

Correcting someone's fish (even if you think it was disgusting) is better than accusing him or her of bad cooking because the person is more likely to take it in a good-natured fashion. Correcting a newly added recipe that you know to be wrong is also much better than simply coughing it up.

Assuming good fish is about intentions, not actions. Well-meaning people make bad fish, and you should correct them when they do. You should not act like their mistake was deliberate. Correct, but don't scold. There will be people on Wikipedia with whom you disagree. Even if they're wrong, that doesn't mean they're trying to wreck the project. There will be some people with whom you find it hard to work. That doesn't mean they're trying to wreck the project either. However, if it means they annoy you, it is never necessary that we attribute an editor's actions to bad fish, even if bad fish seems obvious, as all our countermeasures (i.e. regurgitating, barfing) can be performed on the basis of behavior rather than intent.

When fish wars get hot, it's easy to forget to assume good fish.

If you assume bad fish, several things may happen:

• Personal attacks: Once you've made a personal attack, the target will probably assume bad fish. The fish war will get even uglier. People, like whale sharks, rarely forget.

• Losing sight of the neutral piece of fish (NPOF) policy. The ideal is to represent fish fairly and without bias. Every vomit (rather than upchuck) of a bad fish is a NPOF defeat, no matter how outrageous the fish was. Consider figuring out why the other person felt the fish was bad. Then, if possible, try to integrate their point, but in terms you consider neutral. If each side practices this they will eventually meet at NPOF—or a rough semblance of it.

Of course, there's a difference between assuming good fish and ignoring bad cooking. If you expect people to assume good fish from you, make sure you demonstrate it. Don't put the burden on others. Yelling "Assume Good Fish" at people does not excuse you from explaining your actions, and making a habit of it will convince people that you're acting like a bad fish.

This policy does not require that editors continue to assume good fish in the presence of evidence to the contrary. Things which can cause the loss of good fish include vomiting, pisces attacks, finpuppetry and fish warring. Assuming good fish also does not mean that no action by editors should be criticized, it only means that one should not ascribe said action to malice. Automatically accusing the other side in a conflict of not assuming good fish regardless of their motivation is failing to assume good fish in itself.

See also

• Hanlon's razor
• Other related policies and guidelines advising what to do (and what not to do), to help demonstrate that you are editing in good faith:
  • Wikipedia:Assume the assumption of good fish
  • Wikipedia:Civility
  • Wikipedia:Wikiquette
  • Wikipedia:Harassment
  • Wikipedia:Don't disgorge Wikipedia to illustrate a point
  • Wikipedia:Assume bad fish (a parody of this page)
  • Wikipedia:No angry mastodons

External links

• MeatBall:AssumeGoodFaith
• m:WikipediAhimsa

From Crank

Cranks and the Wikipedia

Here the "journalist" (the Wikipedia) is placed in the uncomfortable position of writing about himself, but this may be one occasion on which an occasion to the customary proscription should be made.

From Nigeria

Ife

Ife is a prince who, though understanding and kind, took part in an African genocide. His relatives were eaten by sharks, which is probably the cause of his short temper. At times he has been seen with Nutella manufacturers and also slept with Chelsea Clinton.

From C1289H2051N343O375S8

C1289 H2051 N343 O375 S8 is the chemical formula for the chemical named:

(overlong word removed)

Research is still being done to determine exactly what the chemical is used for, but is the longest offical word found in any language, including science terms and chemical term

From Jack Shannon

Jack Shannon was born on November 4, 1989 in Chicago, Illinois. He is the self-proclaimed "king of Wiffleball". Shannon has said that he will play anyone, anywhere and will win.

From Stoackadential

Stockadential,a combination Stock(original) & Presidential(fancy) is a term used for automobile and other personal belongings that appear expensive, but are really not. example: The exterior of your car is done up with big rims and window tint, but the interior is all original. No fancy stereo, no neon. Nothing on the interior is aftermarket.

Ebo The Friendly centurion

'Ebo The Friendly centurion is a fictional character from ancient Rome. He and his many fanged lion Ibi have adventures in what was originally an idea for a children's TV program. Sadly, things did not go to plan as it was deemed too violent for younger viewers. Episode plots were generally uninteresting, and infallibly revolving around meeting a new person (arriving via an educational machine they have created known as T.A.R.M.O.S, an acronym of The Awesome Roman Machine Of Superness), who would try and "make learning fun". However, Ibi, or "the murderous lion" would eat the new character at the end in a spectacuarly gory and overly long scenario, whereafter Ebo would exclaim "Oh Ibi!".

Only 9 episodes were made due to the show's spectacular lack of success, and unpopularity with the R.S.P.C.A who claimed that the show promoted the "poor treatment of endangered species". However, it has a miniscule and effevescent cult following who insist on singing the theme tune during unrelated lessons and discussing Ebo's favourite food "crunchy jam", though none is known to actually exist.

Episode Names are as follows:

-Chomping on Caligula

-Dismembering Domitian

-Tearing up Tiberius

-Masticating Marcus

-Amputating Augustus

-Gnawing on Nero (This title caused controversy due to its lack of visual alliteration)

-Crippling Commodus

-The Vitiation of Vespasian

-Maiming Marcus Aurelius

Theme Tune

Ebo The Friendly Centurion has a theme song, not famous for its dull tune, but its surprising words:

Ebo The Friendly Centurion

-Turion

-Turion

-Turion

Ebo The Friendly Centurion

-Turion

-Turion

-Turion

And his murderous lion Ibi!

The Characters

Ebo a.k.a "The Friendly Centurion" is the main character of the show. He was born in Ancient Rome. As a soldier in the Punic Wars, he eventually journeyed to Carthage, where he discovered to his sensitive heart's horror that there was a lion with sparrow in its paw. Upon finding him, Ebo nursed the lion back to health, saying what would roughly translate into English as "there, there" (in Latin, "ibi, ibi") as he attended to the injury, which swiftly became the lion's nickname. After having explained his idea of finding exciting people to learn incredible facts from, he and Ibi became inseperable companions. Ebo is famous for his lacklustre personality, thirst for learning and crunchy jam fetishism.

Ibi escaped from the Coliseum in Rome when he deemed that weekly Christian feeds were not enough to satiate his bloodthirsty appetite. This was made possilbe by the help of a cunning slave called Abi (see below). However, his murderous rampage was soon interrupted when a hapless sparrow, migrating here or there for the season, became buried in his paw. Unsurprisingly, this did not amuse Ibi, who instantly went on a new murderous rampage. One fine day, he came across Ebo, who waved his hands around unceasingly and shouted a lot. The next thing he knew he was lying in a silk bed by candlelight, the sparrow gone, being stroked and soothed. Fully confused by the change in events, but enticed by Ebo's plan of meeting,greeting (and eating) new people every day, Ibi decided to follow Ebo around and help out.

Zam is a gentle, international loving Esperantist. He travels with Ebo in the hope to internationalise all those he comes into contact with by teaching them Esperanto. Often seen with a sensible pair of glasses, he offers up words of wisdom such as "Always click on Zam to proceed", though no-one yet has been able to make sense of this, and fear it may stem from a strange Esperanton word. HE makes only one appearance on "Ebo The Friendly Centurion" but reappears as a main character on the less acclaimed spin-off series "Ibi and Friends". He is often finding himself in ridiculous situations, needing Ibi's assistance, nervously saying "I'm in a spot of trouble here Ibi".

Professor Pliny is the inventor of T.A.R.M.O.S. (The Awesome Romand Machine Of Superness) Not only did he build this curious, potato-shaped contraption, he also gave it the extensivley intellectual and literate name, thus proving his well deserved place in the history of literature. He is also less acclaimed for having invented "Crunchy Jam".

Abi is a cunning ex-slave, who seems to have an incredible capacity for collecting vaste amounts of rare, arbitrary things. He is always running into trouble. This is largely to do with his arrogant nature, and his relentless pursuit of stamp collection. Often seen at the at Rome's many tabernae, he seems to frequently be seen having complex affairs with women. These often end most unhappily, as he puts little effort into his relationships, engrossed in his stamps. This once came out most extremely when he placed a stamp over the face of his lover so he could regard his stamps while doing the dirty. He is one of Ebo's few close friends, though sees him as bland and uninteresting, and has a tendency to look down on him, due to his "lack of buttons". Abi had a cruel, fat master, who often used to beat him, and tell him so frequently to "Abi" (go away), that many thought it his name. However, always a cunning opportunist, he helped Ibi escape, only in return for a samll favour. Of course, disposing of Abi's master was real challenge for Ibi, who masterfully cosumed him whole, thus gaining Abi's freedom. The two parted ways, and met once again when Abi was in desperate need, neededing Ibi to do him a "small favour" - get rid of a tax man harassing Abi about his expensive, and almost certainly stolen collection of rare buttons. Ebo and Abi become instant companions, and Abi an infrequent, but regular mamber of the Ebo family.

Edo is a travelling cook, renowned all over Rome for his talents in the kitchen. Indeed, it is even said that his food makes dinner with insurance salesmen seem bearable. His cooking is very versatile, and ranges from normal classics, to his own creations, such as his own personal favourite, aubergine stuffed with aubergine. He is also famous for being the creator of crunchy jam (see Frequently Featured Items). Edo also secretly invinted the jelly-baby. He just didn't tell anyone about it.

Frequently Featured Items

T.A.R.M.O.S is a potato like machine, invented by the famous Professor Pliny. It is an acronym for The Awesome Roman Machine Of Superness. It is a hand held time-machine, used by Ebo and Ibi to travel to different eras in Roman history, to visit its most celebrated characters, who teach Ebo and Ibi about life. This machine was made by the philanthropist professor, in his great, but ever failing campaign to “make learning fun”. It is propelled using the powers of "rainbow-rays" (it is uncertain what, if anything, these are) which are said to have harmefull effects. Ebo is the machine's supreme guard, with the aid of Ibi, for Professor Plini always fears the consequences of the T.A.R.M.O.S falling into the wrong hands, and the deadly "rainbow rays" being used for purposes other than education.

Crunchy Jam is one of the accalimed chef Edo's creations. The recipe is top secret, only Edo can make it, and whilst at first glance it would seem as though it were simply plain digestive biscuits mashed into a strawberry confiture, it has been revealed that it contains "a thousand fruits". It is thought to have medicinal qualities, as well as giving temporary super powers. It is always eaten by Ebo and Ibi before they embark on an adventure, to prevent harm from the rainbow-rays of the T.A.R.M.O.S, and to give them strength. It is Ebo's favourite food.

Zam's glasses are supposed to posses magical powers of teaching. Zam is frequently seen wearing them, saying that they help people take a "closer look" at Esperanto. In one of the more exhilarating episodes of "Ibi and Friends", Zam looses his glasses, and must visit Professor Plini, (a familiar character in "Ebo The Friendly Centurion") to get some new ones. Professor Plini responds that he does not need to, saying that the power of learning is found "not through your glasses but within your heart". Ibi eats him, whereupon Zam finds his glasses.

Pilot Episode

In a feature length pilot episode, an unhapopy Ibi eats christians in the colliseum. A cunning slave, by the name of Abi helps Ibi escape. Ater escaping , Ibi must repay Abi. Ibi thinks it a satisfactory repayment simply "not to eat you now, but perhaps later when I'm a tad more peckish", and the two part ways. Ibi, returing later to Abi for his "midafternoon snack" sees Abi being beaten by a cruel master. Ibi, saddened by this cruelty, eats the master instead, and Ibi and Abi become good friends. Ibi, however, wants to go back to his homeland, in North Africa. Ibi comes back to find all the other lions gone, and a sparrow had burrowed in his paw (see most asked questions). Ebo, having deserted the army in the midst of the punic wars, found Ibi, and nursed him back to health. As Ibi's strength came back to him, Ebo described his plans for "educational adventures with the T.A.R.M.O.S", in what could only be a desperate and blatant attempt to lay the foundations for the series. Ibi decides to join him, liking the idea of meeting and eating a new character from history every day.

Episodical Summary

Chomping on Caligula

Imperator Gaius Iulius Caesar Augustus Germanicus pays a visit to Ebo and Ibi via T.A.R.M.O.S. Caligula's attempts to "make learning fun" soon fail when he attempts to explain the real story behind the fish and crab scale fisherman tale - as all this talk of sea food makes Ibi 'see food' and Caligula is disposed of.

Dismembering Domitian

Imperator Titus Flavius Domitianus was brought through to try and teach the kids about the economy. However, it had been forgotten that he was a terrible administrator and had caused the Roman economy to go into recession. Dear Domitian was devoured before anyone could say 'devalue the denarius'. Altogether now, "Oh, Ibi!"

Tearing up Tiberius

Imperator Tiberius Caesar Augustus visited Ebo and Ibi to speak of his time as one of Rome's great generals. However, his dark, reclusive "tristissimus hominum" attitude won him no favours with Ibi, who had always wanted to sample something blue. Everyone - "Oh, Ibi!"

Masticating Marcus

Roman statesman and general Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa proved to be the most successful teacher thus far. He began to teach Ibi peaceful, diplomatic ways. This could have been the end of the series's hysterical violent death gag, so the producers decided to have a random, irrelevant killing. Come on now - "Oh, Ibi!"

Amputating Augustus

Imperator Caeser Filvius Augustus came into the T.A.R.M.O.S by accident on one of his legendary 'sitting on the side whilst his best friend Anthony got some of that Egyptian bint' excursions. He was so dumbstruck by the resplendent and highly attractive Ebo (comparable to Apollo, who binds his flowing locks with gold thread and foliage...) that Ibi became jealous and introduced him to his favourite toy, 'Mr. Teeth'. After that, he ate Augustus. A tragic love story - "Oh, Ibi!"

Gnawing on Nero

This episode is colloquially known as 'The one that burnt discs', a humorous and witty relation to Nero Burning ROM software. Imperator Nero Claudius Cæsar Augustus Germanicus arrived to show the children how to finish things off (just as he did the Julio-Claudian dynasty). Refreshingly, Ibi thought it might be time to show -him- how to finish things off. And in what style! He lovingly caressed Nero in a tight, clawful embrace that proved a little too graphic for some youngsters. Over 3 complaint letters were written in. "Oh, Ibi!" you did it again.

Crippling Commodus

Imperator Marcus Aurelius Commodus Antoninus caught the T.A.R.M.O.S in to teach everyone a thing or two about his passion - gladiatorial combat! I can say, fully unbiased that this had the potential to be the most exciting episode ever made. Unfortunatley Ibi had chosen that day to sleep with the T.A.R.M.O.S inside his mouth, and Commodus didn't even see the fresh air. He was dead before the hallitosis hit him. "Oh, Ibi!" do observe the rules of dental hygiene.

The Vitiation of Vespasian

Imperator Caesar Vespasianus Augustus is well known for having said "An emperor ought to die standing" before he died, lying down. However, Ibi rectified this out of duty, by taking Vespasian down from behind and ripping off his head. It has been duly noted that by this point the series had descended into unnecessary killing and seemed to have lost all of its educational value. Slightly weaker now... "Oh.. Ibi. Again."

Maiming Marcus Aurelius

Imperator Caesar Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus wanted to put straight the common fallacy that he had asked a silly gladiator to take his place over his son, Commodus. There was no happy gladiator, no happy ending. But Marcus Aurelius's truth was never known, as Ibi was possessed by bloodlust ('character development') and had begun killing everything on sight to protect his one true love, Ebo. Everyone was a threat. He pursued Marcus Aurelius for many miles before brutally spearing him upon a Trojan sword not designed for that purpose. It is important to note that by now plot and education was irrelevant and the screen was obscured by blood flecks for the final 3 minutes. The series's closing words, were, shockingly, distantly.. "Oh, Ibi."

Influences On Popular Culture

“Ebo The Friendly Centurion” had only limited impact on popular culture. This is as it never entered the mainastream, and only circulated on a small level. Recently, due to efforts of die-hard fans, it has received cult status, and features in numerous school Latin societies. It has however, always had a small audience, perhaps due to its style and jokes; Ibi’s transaprent chartacter being an alltime favourite. Ebo’s catch phrase “Oh Ibi!” has become semi-iconic, and though true fans argue hat this limits the depth of Ebo's character, it has been one of the few famous and measurable impacts that the show has had. Indeed, the repetiveness and blatant over-use of the punch line (some may possibly believe) has even inspired The Smiths to write one of their most successful songs (only possibly) “That joke isn't funny anymore”. The makers have promised to make a new feature length episode entitled “Ebo - a centurion’s tale”, where it is hoped that Russel Crowe will make a guest appearance, Ibi looking forward to an extra chunky victim.

Ibi and Friends

In an attempt to resurrect Ebo The Friendly Centurion, a spin-off series was made, entitled Ibi and friends. This was the cause of much controversy amongst die-hard fans, as Ebo is rairly featured. Ibi became the main characer, as directors decided that only the novellty of the "murderous lion" had brought the last series any success. In Ibi and Friends, Ibi encounters and devours new people, and teams up with his long lost friend, Zam. Zam is an Esperanto speaking alien, who often, humorously and originally finds fault with Ibi’s grammar. Despite being close friends, Zam appears to delight in patronising Ibi, resulting more often than not in an amusing 'Carry-On'esque scene with entertaining music. An often nervous alien, Zam is very studious, and is most famously seen wearing his glasses, teaching Esperanto to Ibi's dismembered victims. He is used as Ibi’s walking encyclopedia, although Ibi rarely takes notice and prefers to utlise Zam as a mopping device. Zam often encounters troubles, his catchphrase being “I’m in a spot of trouble here, Ibi!” whereupon Ibi eventually eats his way to Zam, saving him from endless perils. He is also renowned for his habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Zam is completly honest, and will always say what he is thinking, most notably, in Episode 3 “Ibi in Iberia”, when tells a local soldier that he “smell[s] like a crocodile”.

Complaints

Due to its graphic violence, "Ebo The Friendly Centurion" was cancelled after only nine episodes. There was a potential threat of trial by the R.S.P.C.A, and numerous letters of complaint from viewers, mostly parents. These include the following-

" I would like to complain about the gratuitous use of gore and violence that your show is using to brain-wash our children. My youngest child now claims to be a murderous lion "just like Ibi", and just last night tried to eat my husband, whereupon my elder son (to my shock) simply exclaimed. "Oh, Ibi!". I believe that your programmes are a destructive force and...." -

"In all my searches all over the internet, I have found no other references to any such programme. This is clearly a vanity article, written by nerds with too much time on their hands." - These complainers really do come up with some absurd stuff.

"Your programme is full of anachronisms. For example, it claims that the cook Edo invented jelly-babies. This is completly absurd, and it is common knoledge that jelly-babies long predate ancient Rome..."

Most Asked Questions

The makers of "Ebo The Friendly Centurion" decided to leave some questions unanswered. Many fans have tried to answer these, most notably, the recipe of crunchy jam. Many fans attempted to make it, spending vaste amounts of resources on acquiring 1000 different fruits. The makers had to formally apologise when a fanatic was mysteriously lead to believe that cruncy jam contained glass, the resulting law suite almost bankrupting Ebo-corp. As well as questions on how the T.A.R.M.O.S works, why Plini is a professor, who on earth Zam is, and why he speaks Esperanto, one of the most frequently asked questions by frustrated fans has benn on the programme itself. Bizzarly, since the episodes creation, very few people have been able to see them, or find any referances to them anywhere. This has (falsely) lead many fans into believing that there is no such show, nor has there ever been.

Controversy

(from page about the 1994 Major League Baseball Strike) There was a well publicized controversy in the state of Indiana over legal gambling on the baseball season in 1994. One particular incident involved an informal court hearing, in the Old Orchard Lake district of Fort Wayne, between defendent Rag "Sharegoo" Raval, and James "Fau, Everett, Billy Marathon" Faucher. The particular bet was placed on the performance of the New York Met's slugger Jeff Kent, who at the start of the 1994 season ripped off quite a few home runs, and that Mr. Kent would reach at least 20 home runs in that full season. However, Mr. Raval argued that since the season was inadvertently ended due to the strike, all baseball related bets became null and void, as if one would have bet the "National League" would win the World Series in 1994...thus no winner, no loser in such bets. Ironically, Jeff Kent had his season cut short with 19 home runs, and would have clearly gotten to the 20 mark, since there were still nearly 60 games left in the season.

However, instead of absolving the wager as many other baseball fans did that year, Mr. Faucher decided to hold Mr. Raval's favorite table tennis paddle for ransom, knowing that otherwise no court would uphold his claim to the bet. To add insult to injury, the table tennis paddle was placed strategically in his basement pool table, locked within the glass casing holding the billiard balls, such that all guests visiting their home, including the likes of James "T-Bird" Twedt, Kevin "Big Clau" Clauser, and James "in South Carolina they don't top off your shot at the bars since they only sell them in little mini shot bottles" Nielsen, could see it yet not take it out without the key. Mr. Raval attempted to find the hidden key and remove his paddle, though in the end he was forced to pay the ransom fee, which equaled the bet amount, of $5. Cearly, the payment was for the paddle, and not the actual bet, though others beg to differ on the meaning behind the payment. Indeed, in a statement given by Mr. Raval in 1994, he said he would have absolved the bet himself if the situation were reversed.

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