I find your lack of Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense disturbing

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If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at 67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!

"I find your lack of faith disturbing," a quote by Darth Vader in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

This page is full. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, 67 Deletion Summer of Love.

From The Simpsons Sing the Blues

(Under a section entitled "In the News")

It was widely reported that during O.J. Simpson's infamous Ford Bronco chase, that "the juice" order Al "A.C" Cowlings to loop The Simpsons Sing The Blues while they raced down the California Freeway. CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta speculated that the reasons for Simpson's infatuation with the album might stem from his brief 1995 appearance on The Simpsons as Dr. Julius Hibbard's long lost twin, A.J. "Jenga" Hibbard.

You mean the San Diego Freeway, dontcha?

From Frolloping

A sexual pastime involving sticking as much sherbet up your bottom as physically possible, before giving oneself (or being given) a lemonade enema.

Popular with Scientologists.

Hah hah hah hah! In my day, they never had that in the Sea Org... -- NicholasTurnbull

From the reference desk

This was posted to Wikipedia:Reference desk/Humanities. Perhaps someone is going to post a "Wanted: Fugitive" announcement for God?

HELP ME PLEASE

can someone please tell me what is the physical, metaphysical and spiritual nature of god as well as some of his personality traits, scars, tattoos, defining characteristics and his hair colour? PLEASE ANSWER RIGHT AWAY I NEED THIS FOR MY HOMEWORK FOR TOMORROW

I'm pretty sure he's got Hell's Angels tattooed across his chest.Template:Unsigned

Try our article on God. You could just have typed that into the search box.-gadfium 03:28, 7 October 2005 (UTC)

He looks exactly like Morgan Freeman.

Seriously, we don't do you your homework for you, and there's no way we can provide a short answer to a question that has prompted millions of pages of discussion amongst theologians and philosophers for thousands of years. Try Gadfium's suggestion.--Robert Merkel 06:05, 7 October 2005 (UTC)

He's actually Alanis Morissette. Adam Bishop 06:06, 7 October 2005 (UTC)

Charlton Heston! --Robert Merkel 06:10, 7 October 2005 (UTC)

I hate to get all theological on you here, but he actually played Moses. --fvw* 06:13, 7 October 2005 (UTC)

He had a go at playing the big guy as well in the abysmal Almost an Angel in 1990. Check the IMDB.--Robert Merkel 06:22, 7 October 2005 (UTC)

So he did, live and learn. --fvw* 06:24, 7 October 2005 (UTC)

God wears tights but I can't verify the claim about the tattoo. JamesMLane 06:42, 7 October 2005 (UTC)

From Bong, a while ago

Hey Hey Hey! ....... Smoke Weed everyday! Haha nobody will ever delete this because we should all take a minute in this stressfull life to pack a bowl and smoke it.

Note: this message was deleted upon the next revision of the Bong article. It had lasted all of twelve minutes.

From Prank flash

<img src="http://uncyclopedia.org/images/1/19/Planky.JPG" alt="He is you. Not.">

From 3-Oxygrotamol

3-oxy-grotamol is the chemical name for the infamous Pesticide Grotalin, which was pulled from the market in the 40s due to its toxic effects on humans, as well as its tendency to explode at low temperatures.

From Edd Egg

Edd Egg on Wikipedia

Edd Egg published a Wikipedia themed comic [1] with an unusual article in place of this one. This was how it read:

Edd Egg is widely renowned as the world's greetest sex machine, superhero and billionaire. No wait... TRILLionaire! No no no - QUILLionaire! That's better, he's a quillionaire.

Annieway, Edd Egg is also pretty hot dang at investments. Yeah, he's like the Sophia Loren of the stocks and shares world... Hencefore, you should give him your credit card numbers, bank details and your female sister (must be over 16) and he'll invest it all into stuffs that is great and will make you the moneyest person ever. Trust him, he knows this guy in Nigeria who sitting on a fortune, dead cent.

All in all, Edd Egg is splendid.

Seriously, give him all your stuff. You can't afford to miss this chance!

Seriously.

Edd's response to this was "Oh Wikipedia! If you were a chick I'd touch you!"

From the timeline section of Millau Viaduct

• 2018: The landmark bridge is scheduled to be surrendered to the Spanish in July

From Tony Flair

Tony Flair (1948-) is a Morris Dancing sensation who performs at cheap international schools with children with Mullets. As you see in the photo, he has a resembilense to Prime Minister Tony Blair, this is because they are half-brothers. He lives at 10 Uping Street.

In The Morris Dancing Children With Mullets Magazine he stated: "I've been actively involved in Morris Dancing since I joined The Hammersmith Morris Men in 1959. In 1975 I started a new team to explore the previously neglected repertoire of the Welsh Border Morris, and The Shropshire Bedlams were born. These articles, written over quite a number of years, will tell you about the history and development of the team, and our companion group of women dancers, Martha Rhoden's Tuppenny Dish."

He now lives with his wife, Mary and his two children, Mullet Flair and Morris Flair, named after his two passions of life. Many people think that it is a joke but infact it is not.

From Sicklinghall

Sicklinghall is a village in England, situated between the town of Wetherby and the village of Kirkby Overblow.

Although it has a church and a pub, there are no shops. The population is rather small, but exact figures are unknown as the residents are very secretive and who knows how many people live behind those closed doors. It is important to understand that the population is small only in numerical terms. They are of average height, neither dwarves nor giants, or at least the ones you can see are. It is possible that there are a good many dwarven Sicklinghallians (as they are known) lurking out of sight.

The village has a primary school and a duck pond, but nothing in the way of shopping facilities, as has already been noted. In other words, learning and eating bread whilst floating are both important to the local economy while trade and barter are seen as counterproductive and frowned upon. If that state of affairs makes you unhappy, at least you can pray in the church, though it will not help.

Sicklinghall is not really on the way to anywhere, unless you happened to be in Wetherby and wanted to get to Kirkby Overblow, in which case you would definitely pass through unless you took a very long way round. That said, it is very close to Linton, West Yorkshire and as such would be a perfect starting point for a journey there. By starting your journey to Linton, West Yorkshire from Sicklinghall, you could be looking at a total travel time of as little as 2 minutes, compared with up to 37 hours if you were to foolishly pick, say, Sydney as your starting point.

From CCDF

CCDF (or Crazy Chicken Dance Festival) is a particular style of party created by Scott Khan in which the life members stay up all night. It has three life members and many subsidiaries! The CCDF Constitution was created by Ronan Evans, who is also the secretary. The CCDF is currently on a semi hiatis whith the host of the 3rd event yet to be found. Hopefully this situation will soon be resolved and the 3rd CCDF should take place on the 10th of December 2005- one year after the first. The CCDF means a great deal to many people and is also quite ethinically diverse with people from Australia, Taiwan, China, Kenya, India and America all attending or on the mailing list! The constitution basically states that no life member can be kicked out and everybody concerned enjoys themselves. There was previoulsly a failed attempt to Commercialise the CCDF by life member Ronan Evans but this was blocked by Founder Scott Khan who blocked the Idea of a CCDF senate. There was recently a spilt between Alex Jackson/Scott Khan and Ronan Evans/Andrew Babington but this has now been resolved with the rival parties of Andrew and Alex being cancelled.

From Michael Jockson

Michel Jockson (1958-) is a unsucsessful singer born in Gary, Indiana. He has a similar appearence to Michael Jackson although this is a strongly debated topic. He denies any plastic surgery except for two on his Tongue. He lives at a ranch called "Alwaysland" where he lures children into his bedroom and holds them hostage until the parents pay up. The children usually end up sueing him.

He now lives in "Alwaysland" with his kids use masks to conceal their indentity.

Recently deleted from Les fromages a mange mon amis

This can be roughly translated from modern french:

The cheeses have eaten my friend.

This can be useful if such an occasion happens, and your only form of help is a Frenchman. If such an occasion does arise, it is best to not confuse this phrase with:

'Les fromages a nage mon amis'

Which means

The cheeses have swum my friend.

Which makes no sense at all.

(Only contributor was Bugsy2302)

from "South American Dragon"

'This Dragon is invisible. It creeps up behind people reading this entry and... CHOMP!!!'

from Weluvducsoha

Weluvducsoha is a parody religion started by HCM Zoel and HCM Betty. The four goals of Weluvducsoha are

   * Conquer the world
   * Retake Jerusalem
   * Take a nap
   * Avoid being reincarnated as a bug

Bewildergoose

A bewildergoose is a unique creature usually found along coastlines in the mid-atlantic region of the united states. During the spring and fall, they migrate to portland, oregon, and other progressive, forward thinking urban centers.

Originally, they evolved when geese were kidnapped by a mad scientist who injected them with DNA of children with Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder. The geese evolved and mutated when on the same day, lightning struck the building and a chemical waste plant exploded leaking raw sewage into their water supply. Somehow, through a strange coincidence, the geese mutated into 6' tall creatures that roam the countryside in search of cars that break down on the side of the freeway. They often get bewildered.

Confederate States Air Force

Importance

Although aerial battles in the American Civil War were few and far between, this very dispensable portion of the Confederate Army was quasi-valuable.

Wild Eep

Summary

The wild eep is best known as one of the standard included system sounds in the Macintosh operating system, although many users were disappointed to find that it was no longer included in versions later than OS 8.

Background

There has been much speculation about exactly what a wild eep is. Most reason that it must be a predatory carnivore by the simple fact that no one has ever made a verifiable claim to have seen one and lived. As others have pointed out, however, this argument is a fallacy because it is equally possible that the wild eep is simply very skilled at concealing itself, as are many small herbivores. As a result of the gentle nature of its call, some envision an equally gentle and appealing animal that might have value as a pet. It's existance is only known due to the large number of reports of hearing it's distinctive call, which researchers have found can not be accurately reproduced by any other animal. As a result, the animal has been unofficially named in imitation of its sound.

Other classic Macintosh sounds include the sosumi, droplet, indigo, and quack.

Wrong Triangle

A wrong triangle is the opposite of a Right triangle. It's exact definition is often rather ambiguous; but there most mathematicians use one of the two following definitions:

Definitions of a Wrong Triangle

The first definition, used mostly by conservative mathematicians, defines a wrong triangle as any triangle with a wrong angle. The opposite of a Right angle, a wrong angle is any angle without a measurement of 90 degrees. Therefore, a wrong triangle is any triangle but a right triangle The second definition is far more lucrative and is used mostly by liberals. It states that, by definition, a wrong triangle is a three sided polygon with at least one wrong angle (as a right triangle is a triangle with a right angle). Following a long and extremely obtuse proof, it has been shown (by this definition) that a wrong angle is an angle which by any commonly accepted moral, legal, or mathematical standards is quite clearly wrong. While this is very debatable (and indeed several notable mathematitions have been seriously injured in heated arguments about the subject), it is generally accepted that triangles with angles equal to 43, 2, 3.7, or 56 degrees are wrong triangles, as well as any triangles with angle measurements above 180 degrees. In the mathematical world, the second definition is dominant. However, in many irrational disciplines such as politics or law, the first definition is more generally accepted. What you use for your application is completely dependent upon your character and political orientation (and sometimes sexual orientation, although this comes into effect rarely).

The Bermuda Triangle

Many people consider the Bermuda Triangle the most well known wrong triangle. Like many things about wrong triangles, this is also quite debatable; some scientists consider the Bermuda Triangle the only true right triangle. However, they are almost certainly quite mistaken.

Geological differance of rock properties and ocean basins

Bold text[[image:i dont know much but here it is. i think that rock properties and ocean basins have a similiar substantial core on one another iv done some research and found that rock properties on land have a higher increase in germ activity whereas, ocean rock life have little germ life yet enourmous amounts of curved structure eaten by the smaller sea creature that lived in the rock before.and thats basiclly it. if you wish to learn more about this subject google search it.|Image:i dont know much but here it is. i think that rock properties and ocean basins have a similiar substantial core on one another iv done some research and found that rock properties on land have a higher increase in germ activity whereas, ocean rock life have little germ life yet enourmous amounts of curved structure eaten by the smaller sea creature that lived in the rock before.and thats basiclly it. if you wish to learn more about this subject google search it.]]

Hey, no problem. Just Google this "geological differance" and it'll point...right here. Mwaahaahaa! Wikipedia is everywhere!

The Indian Institute of Planning and Management

It's IIPM policy to offer its students the very best in modern learning infrastructure - equipment have been especially imported from Yakuzatown, Japan, and Corleone Learning S.p.A.,Palermo, Sicily. The institutes's training labs offer students opportunities to learn the very latest in combative management techniques : on how to intimidate the competition and score marketshare. It's not just the physical infrastructure that helps IIPM score over otherhref=http://www.fas.org/irp/world/russia/kgb/ ranking business schools, but also the inspiring [leadership] of Mr. Arindam Chaudhuri that spurs students on to newer depths every day.

- from The Indian Institute of Planning and Management#IIPM's Infrastructure, about a Management School that allegedly uses strong-arm tactics to intimidate those who are critical of it.

Bucket and spade

Uselful impliments for creating havoc on Beaches (and other sandy places).

• As the name suggests, you take a Bucket and a Spade.
• The spade is used to fill the bucket with Sand (slightly damp is preferable)
• Sand is leveled off and patted down with the back of the spade.
• When you are feeling confident, tip the bucket upside down on the ground.
• Tap the bucket several times with the back of the spade, (beware not to hit too hard or your spade may be no more)
• Slowly and gently remove the bucket#
• you should be left with a pile of sand in the shape of your bucket often refered to as a Sand castle or Castle
• Depending on the shape and size of your bucket (novelty versions are available from all good seafront shops) you can create a range of Towers and have a whole village of castles.
• advanced users can also make use fo the bucket and spades aditional use:
  • When you have a significant colection of sandcastles, use the spade to dig a Moat
  • fetch water using the bucket to fill the moat
  • don't forget to leave acess (don't dig all the way round!)
  • this should keep out most unwanted invaders, but watchout for Teenagers who enjoy destroying your creations.

Babar the Elephant

Among Babar's other associates are the Monkey Zephir, the old elephant counsellors Cornelius and Pompadour, his cousin Arthur, and his children, Flora, Pom, and Alexander. The Old Lady from Paris comes to live in the Kingdom as an honoured guest. Despite the presence of these counsellors, Babar's rule seems to be totally independent of any elected body, and completely Autocratic. Despite appearing to be a Benevolent dictator, Babar's Kingdom has attracted the attention of the UN, of which it is a member.

Besides his Westernizing policies, Babar has also engages in warfare with the warlike Rhinoceroses.

An edit summary from W:Welcome newcomers

User:Hey you summarised his edit of 12 Oct 2005, 5.56 as follows:

What I do, I do for the integirty of the redirect rule!! DOWN WITH DOUBLE REDIRECTS!!!!MAY I ALWAYS BE REMMEBERED AS A MARTYR FOR THE CAUSE OF ABOLITION OF THE DOUBLE REDIRECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nb. it's, I think, also worthwhile to see this user's talk page - may shed some light on his martyrdom :)

From Calcium chloride, the precautions section

Calcium chloride is an irritant; wear gloves and goggles and avoid inhalation.

• • New update. Rather than wearing goggles and other stated articles, it has been proven more effective to wear lacy panties and a dress while handling calcium chloride. Thank you.

From Gabe Wiener

Gabe Wiener was born in 1928 and helped discover most of northern China. He is a great contributor and founder of the World Wildlife Federation. He is solely responsible for the development of the telescope, and for all of the current Brittanica encyclopedias. He is currently debating whether or not to release his amazing cure for cancer. Fifteen people once called him "The greatest person to ever live." In 1976 he climbed the highest peak of Mt. Everest in under 20 minutes using only 1 arm. He speaks fluent German, Spanish, Italian, Bangladesh, Chinese, Mandarin, and many forms of Eskimo. In 1988 he bought all of Microsoft for under 45 dollars, and currently owns Bill Gates. And finally, he also was able to beat the entire cast of season 5 of The Real Word in an arm-wrestling contest, at the same time.

From Shenzhou 6 describing the equipment in the orbiter

In addition, their menu has been expanded from 30 to 50 courses. There is a rice cooker, Abacus, and toilet also available.

From Zigzagoon

Zigzagoon also appears as a Pokédoll alongside an Azurill doll in the Japanese version of the Hoenn episode "A Three Team Scheme!". This was edited out for the American version, ruining the marketing effect of Team Rocket showing them (on a table) off to Giovanni, or at least I am led to believe. They should have kept the dolls there.

From violet/riga's talk page regarding the HANS device article

unprotect it now or else

Grow up. violet/riga (t) 21:42, 4 October 2005 (UTC)

You must be new to the Internet; if so, welcome. You should be aware though that I do what I want, when I want. I am telling you to unprotect the page.

I've taken the liberty of fixing your poorly written message. I don't think it stops you looking stupid though. violet/riga (t) 21:17, 5 October 2005 (UTC)

UNPROTECT THE PAGE. this is my internet sucka

Shhh now. violet/riga (t) 21:37, 5 October 2005 (UTC)

UNPROECT IT!~

You're funny. :) violet/riga (t) 17:24, 6 October 2005 (UTC)

dude im serious. unprotect it. this is not some game, do not fuck around

A life or death situation on Wikipedia? I'm sorry, I hadn't realised. violet/riga (t) 17:36, 6 October 2005 (UTC)

so you will unprotect it?

Not unless you promise to stop being so stupid. I am, of course, glad to see you like this site enough to be hanging around so much. violet/riga (t) 17:54, 6 October 2005 (UTC)

how dare you characterize anything i do as stupid. i do what i want, when i want, and i am held faultless. you need to listen good: unprotect the page and start following my directions

You're silly. violet/riga (t) 19:36, 6 October 2005 (UTC)

the internet is serious business, and i do what i want on it.

UNPROTECT IT!

Serious? www.ratemypoo.com is serious? violet/riga (t) 12:27, 8 October 2005 (UTC)

this isn't about my poo or your poo. this is about hans

UNPROTECT IT

violet, you are a terrible person. every second you have that page protected, 14 people in the world die. that is blood on your hands

I'm awful. Please create Wikipedia:List of Wikipedians with blood on their hands and include me there. violet/riga (t) 21:56, 10 October 2005 (UTC)

done, now unprotect it

unprotec it

LOL! Have you considered moving this stuff to WP:BJAODN? -- Rune Welsh | ταλκ | Esperanza 20:14, 10 October 2005 (UTC)

It's certainly going that way! violet/riga (t) 21:56, 10 October 2005 (UTC)

I can't believe he did create the page... -- Rune Welsh | ταλκ | Esperanza 14:16, 11 October 2005 (UTC)

That's it, this is going into the annals of WP:-) --HappyCamper 00:12, 12 October 2005 (UTC)

Note: Here is the edit in question that got the page protected, after it was reverted several times.

-
The HANS device (Head And Neck Support device) is a safety item compulsory in many car racing sports. Primarily made of carbon-fibre, the device wraps around the racing helmet and sits on the shoulders, fixing the driver to the seat. This reduces the chances of head or neck injuries...

+
The HANS device (Head, Anus, Neck, Shoulder device) is a safety item compulsory in many car racing sports. Primarily made of carbon-fibre, the device wraps around the racing helmet and sits on the shoulders, fixing the driver to the seat. A spur runs down the spine and hooks into the driver's anus to secure the device. This reduces the chances of head or neck injuries

From Guamania

"The Maplier" nickname of Guamanian Flag

What is Guamania ?

Guamania is a country occupying norteastern North Atlantida, borded to the south by Malaysia, Nebraska and Idaho, at the northwest by Automania, at the east by the Avatic Ocean and at the west by the Pexatic Ocean. It extends through the Arcatic Ocean to the North Pole, making it the northernmost country in the world. It is also the second largest country in area, after Estovia. Guamania's official languages are English, French and Spanish. As of 2005, its official population estimate is approximately 32.3 million.

Overview

The capital city is Guam, the seat of Guamania's Parliament. Both the Governor General of Guamania, who exercises the prerogatives of the head of state (the principal of Commonwealth), and the Prime Minister, who is the head of government, have official residences in Guam.

Originally a union of former Bourgeoyan, Austrichian and Malaysian colonies, Guamania is a founding member of the Allied Nations,The Treaty of Vancouver (Inter-Commonwealth Pact) and the Agreement of Charlottetown (Military Alliance against Austrichia). Guamania defines itself as a bilingual and multicultural nation:

English is the majority language in most provinces and states. French is the majority language of Dominion, Lower-Guamania, and Minitoba and is widely spoken in New Bavaria and some areas of Upper-Guamania and New Ireland.

Guamania is a technologically advanced and industrialized nation. It is a net exporter of energy because of its large fossil fuel deposits, nuclear energy generation, and hydroelectric power capacity. Its diversified economy relies heavily on an abundance of natural resources and trade, particularly with California, with which it has had a long and complex relationship.

From Emporer Han Li

Half-Mexico

Half-Mexico is a mythological land, which is suprisingly thought to be somewhere between present day California and Russia. Go figure. Although it is not certain from which peoples the myth of this land comes from, it is believed that if Half-Mexico actually existed, it became prosperous around 11001bc. There's a lot of evidence that shows that Half-Mexico was real. If one was to dig 700 feet underground, you could find actual dirt walked on by Half-Mexicans. Oh yeah...there are rocks and stuff too...you just have to look really hard.

The People of Half-Mexico

The people of Half-Mexico were very Mexican. Actually they were very Half-Mexican. There was only one religion practiced throughout the land-Half Mexicanism. In fact, Half-Mexicanism is believed to be the oldest religion. Many ideas of Half-Mexicanism can be found in other religions. Jesus is revered by many these days, but it is a little known fact that Emporer Han Li was actually referred to as Jesus. This was the Half-Mexican title for God.

The Half-Mexicans were known for their special spiritual belief. They were believed to be very powerful wizards if you must. They practiced the ancient power of the Zing and the pow pow pow. The "Zing" was a powerful force used to defend themselves against foreign invaders. The pow pow pow was their primary weapon. It would make more sense if you were Half-Mexican.

Emporer Han Li of Half-Mexico

Emporer Han Li (also know as the Ort Emporer of Half-Mexico) ruled over an ancient land that was believed to exist at a time when dinosaurs still walked the earth. He is the only recorded emporer of Half-Mexico. Known for his lenient policies and overall good nature, he was greatly loved by the people. He would often make outrageous comments, which would result in hilarity or trouble. In fact, it is believed that one of his outcries brought about a civil war. At the time, the people of Half-Mexico were divided into two groups-the Half-Mexicans and the Mexicans-Half. Although, it is believed that another one of the emporer's outcries stopped the war. The people of Half-Mexico were united and called Half-Mexicans much to the disappointment of the Mexicans-Half.

From {{template:AOL}}

I'm a proteolytic enzyme:

Attention:

This polypeptide, ({{PAGENAME}}), is a proteolytic enzyme and is shared by multiple users. Comments left on this enzyme may be received by other polypetides using this IP and appear to be irrelevant. Caution should be used when blocking this enzyme or reverting its hydrolysis products without checking.

Please note: proteolytic enzymes often change catalytic activity with each page they load.
Subsrates or inhibitors bound to this page will not likely be received by the intended allosteric site.

The Dirty Wall

The Dirty Wall is a very filthy wall. It is located at Kwalikum Secondary School in Qualicum Beach, BC, Canada. The wall is decorated with bananas, egg, slushy, cake, roast beef sandwich, and many other foods. started by the kids listed below includes Cody Cross, Cody Martin, Kyle Vanderberg, Bjorn Murphy, Adam Beecher Daniel Brown, Patrick McGrath, Matt Robertson Coulter Lang-allcock, Mike Southall, and the list continues. And foods contributed by Our Town businesses "Munchies" and "Qualicum Foods"

From Pickled cucumber

Pickles Anonymous

Pickles Anonymous is an organization made for pickle lovers around the world. The founders, known as Lofh and Lalisson, formed PA to help others with their sometimes dangerous extreme love of pickles.

Members of PA are often refered to as Pickle Whores and vow to "Do pickles, not drugs". Pickle Whores use pickles to solve any problem from lack of soul mate to extreme hunger.

Each meeting of PA begins with the following vow:

"Dancing Pickles/ Painted Wings/ Things I Almost Ate Instead/ And A Song/ Somone Sings/ Once Upon A Pickle/ Someone Holds My Pickle Safe And Warm/ Pickles Prance Through A Silver Storm/ Pickles Dancing Gracefully Across My Memory"

Pickle Whores continue by confessing their pickle consumptions of the previous week, including the variation and amount. Pickle Whores then eat a snack of Pickle Pizza, starbursts, and pickle juice.

2989

The date in which Bzorg the distructor (all hail Bzorg) conquered Earth in 12 minutes because we were all on a coffee break. He ruled with an iron fist and a latex whip for the next 20 years before he got bored and died.

Looks like I picked a bad day to give up coffee.

From Johnny Gilbert

Johnny sports a flashy red Jeopardy! jacket during live tapings of the show that would make Snoop Dogg jealous.

Dankwart Heppel

Dankwart Fürchtegott Heppel was a German Mathematician, Poet, and Pop-culture icon, who never existed. His birth on April 7, 1867, in Breslau and his death on February 30, 1953, in Sindelfingen are as fictitious as the rest of the information about him in this article.

Biography

Born out of Wedlock to a Trapeze Artist, whose Circus just happened to stay at Breslau at the time of delivery, Dankwart Heppel's mathematical talents surfaced already at a very early age.

At age five, he rediscovered the Binomial theorem and, a year later, he independently derived the summation formulat for the Geometric series. The news of the Child prodigy eventually even reached German Chancellor Otto von Bismarck, who - impressed by the boy's outstanding gifts - decided to pay for his attending High school and University.

Heppel obtained his Doctorate from Berlin in 1888 with Karl Weierstrass for a Thesis on the theory of Elliptic functions. After a two year stay in Italy - during which he mostly focussed on Painting, Literature, womanizing, and the developement of new Pasta sauces, but also met the legendary Alessandro Binomi - he obtained his Habilitation in from the University of Königsberg. He became a Professor at Stettin in 1891 and was appointed to a chair at Paderborn six years later.

In 1902, Heppel suddenly emigrated to the United States (and subsequently changed the spelling of his last name to Happle). The reasons for this step are unclear. The most prevalent explanation is that he feared for his life because of an Affair with the wife of a colleague at Paderborn. Others speculate that he was motivated by a romantic fascination with the works of Karl May. In America, Heppel gave up Mathematics completely, and worked as a Cook, Miner, grave digger, and bouncer in a Brothel.

Completely destitute and an alcoholic, Heppel returned to Germany after World War II. In 1951 - two years before his death -, he was awarded the Federal Cross of Merit (Bundesverdienstkreuz), but was unable to attend the ceremony. He spent the last years of his life in a Trappist Monastery. During this time he developed Delusions that led him to believe that he actually did exist. In his will, he donated his body for medical research.

Mathematical Legacy

Even though Heppel's mathematical career was rather short, his impact on Mathematics cannot be underestimated.

Already in his Thesis, he introduced what would later be named Heppel's modular function. This radically new concept had a profound impact both on Alexandre Grothendieck's approach to Algebraic geometry and on Alain Connes' development of Non-commutative geometry.

Shortly before his emigration to the US, Heppel derived Heppel's reciprocity law, which has been fundamental for the management of Pension funds. Only very recently, Heppel's law has also become of interest for meteorologists, who found it useful in modelling the behavior of Hurricanes.

In his acceptance speech at the ICM in Berlin, 1998, Fields medalist Richard Borcherds acknowledged the profound impact Heppel's work had had on his own research.

Poetic Legacy

After his death, it turned out that Heppeld had filled about 100 notebooks with Poetry. This came as a surprise even to those closest to him. His poetic writings show a strong influence by Francois Villon, and it is a hotly debated question among literary scholars whether Charles Bukowski had any knowledge of Heppel's poetry.

Heppel as a Pop Icon

During the 1960s, Heppel somehow became an icon of the Counterculture. Posters with Heppels face on them - based on the only known authentic Photograph of him - were second in popularity only to those of Che Guevara.

In 1977, Heppel's heirs filed a Lawsuit against the punk rock band Sex Pistols on grounds that their lyrics plagiarized Heppel's poetry. After Sid Vicious' death, the suit was settled out of court.

In a recent interview, Paul McCartney acknowleged that the lyrics of the Beatles song Yesterday were inspired by his reflections on Heppel's life.

Apparently, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck also had Heppel's biography in mind when they wrote their Academy Award winning screenplay for Good Will Hunting.

From Wikipedia:Reference desk/Humanities

Section title: how to get your girlfriend to act out her fantasy?

My girlfriend and I have been together for 12 years.I know her fantasy is to be with 2 guys or engage in group sex.I have told her I would be willing to do either,but i don't know how to get her to feel that it is acceptable to do.She is very beautiful and very very good in bed.I know she is totally into it because of how excited she gets when we talk about it or watch movies about it.I'm just not sure how to make it happen.Any advice would be much appreciated.

                       J Murphy 06:41, 14 October 2005 (UTC)

Another gem from Wikipedia:Reference desk/Humanities

Section title: Machiavelli vs. Divine Right?

Gimme five differences.

Okay, fair enough.

1. Machiavelli ends with a vowel, while Divine Right doesn't
2. Machiavelli has an 'l'.
3. Divine Right is two words.
4. Machiavelli is a person.
5. Machiavelli would support you having others do your homework, while no self-respecting divinity would.

Do your own homework. Superm401 | Talk 03:12, 14 October 2005 (UTC)

Thats awesome. and so true. --Ballchef 03:28, 14 October 2005 (UTC)

from "Alice obstrum"

Image:Metro center.jpg The term Alice obstrum is a misnomer, as it does not refer to an Obstrum but rather a type of Obiesse with Mudflaps connecting it to a GygaxWorm. It was historically used to convert Circular motion into Linear motion, while at the same time reducing variations in Direction (and thus making it more controlled), but now is almost entirely replaced by the Lisp Machine.

History

In 1482, when working on his Clock for use aboard Hot-air balloons, Norman Tebbit needed a mechanism. Since the Autoracks in use at the time were too heavy, he hired engineer Mark Taylor to design a new mechanism. Taylor originally attempted to use the Gygax-Arneson Principle, treating each of the clock’s hands as an IlluminatusBluebottle and use Icosahedra as Gears. While this system functioned on the ground, it failed miserably in the hot-air balloons due to the additional Air resistance resulting from the high Temperature (see Boyle’s Law). Taylor hit on the idea of replacing the icosahedra with a Helical Spring, to increase Laminar flow around the system, but eventually found that a triple-helix was required. He named the device after Tebbit’s mother, who had died nine days earlier.

When Taylor died of Food poisoning in 1497, his wife Edna devoted her attention to the construction and operation of Torture devices. It is not known whether she actually used any of the devices on a live subject, but it was rumoured to be the manner in which she dissuaded many suitors from making further advances. After she died, two sets of KevorkianThumbscrewPresses, a CorinthianBreadbasketMachine and a modified Water torture machine were found in her basement, among other such apparatus. As they all used Alice obstrums, the mechanism became known as a dungeonmistress’s Corkscrew. This is a misleading name, as a few years later it would be replaced, and its successors used mainly by Male Dungeonmasters.

From Tartan

Origins

Jade figurines wearing tartan hats were found in Xinhuanet, China, dating back to 3,500 BC or earlier.

Xinhuanet is a geographical location and dates back to 3,500 BC or earlier? I'm convinced! User:Thetorpedodog/Sigenetur

From Five pound electron

A five pound electron is an Electron which has been accelerated so that its mass appears to an outside observer in an Inertial frame to be 5 Pounds.

This unfortunate particle would have been given an Energy of about 1.27 x 10³⁶ electronvolts.

Wiki Fiddler

Wiki Fiddler Someone, often young ill-informed and with copious free time, who indulge in creating yards of text that are devoted to things that interest, mostly, people who like to write online encyclopedias. This pastime is supported by the almost religious belief that a worthwhile and accurate reference source will spontaneously appear. This is closely related to the idea that an infinite number of monkeys can produce the works of Shakespeare if left to their own devices.

It is a little known fact that though wikifiddlers will write about anything under the sun, there is no entry to be found on it in wikipedia.

-from Wikifiddler, 07:05, 16 October 2005 (UTC)

Butter pats

Butter Pats, or simply "Pats of Butter", are usually small square pats of butter that have been cut from a bigger splotch of butter which is generally rectangular and come in rectangular boxes. Butter pats are typically served on pancakes, french toast, biscuits, grilled cheese, regular toast, and waffles (see various related articles). They are often found as a condiment next to bottles of ketchup and mustard at resturaunt establishments. Butter Pats (or Fake butter pats, see related article) have been featured on various commercials for butter substitutes such as "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter". The bigger the butter, the better the butter. It is possible that governments will soon be able to monitor trends in the release and transport of organic pollutants by sampling the butter found on Butter Pats. Although Butter Pats are typically a condiment, they usually are not referred to as such, and are referred to instead, as simply Butter (see related article). They are often the Coup De Grace of somewhat fattening condiments. Butter Pats are only in their prime, they have been seen all throughout the commercial media, and will continue to flourish if we can help. Also availible at your local dairy store are Margerine Pats. They are becoming more and more prolific.

Note: Some enjoy putter pats on their pizza dishes, while drinking a coinciding soft drink such as Dr. Pepper (see related article). Could this innovative combination become the next Cookies and Milk?

From Walle Iceberg

The following text from a deleted article is on a separate page because of its sheer size.
Wikipedia:Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense/Walle Iceberg

From One (Metallica song) (some time ago):

Revision as of 20:06, 3 November 2004:

a song chronicling the exploits of a man with one bollock

From Capade

Capade is a slang term used to describe the unsavoury actions undertaken by a group of adolescents under the cover of darkness which include such acts as unlawful relocation of personal property, unauthorized removal of council materials and harmless but amusing acts of restrained contumacy often targeted at specific individuals without malice intention. The term is subtly different from Shenanigan, and is a developing Scottish institution from where the term was originally coined but is gradually beginning to be more popular in other areas of Great Britain.

The term was coined as an abbreviation of the word "escapade," which characterised the sense of adventurous glee associated with the daring thievery of lawn ornaments and material council property, and of its subsequent transposition to a pre-accepted location. The umbrella term capade also covers pre-meditated acts designed to cause inconvenience executed either late at night or in the small hours of the morning on an unsuspecting victim, with humorous consequence a forethought.

Early Capades

Capades can be thought of as originating in the classroom, as male pupils stereotypically seek to test limits by attempting ever more ambitious Pranks or general acts of disobedience often in the presence of like-minded peers. Unruly acts of misbehaviour are anecdotally available to the majority of people who have completed high school, who will freely retell childish capers such as placing a tack on a teacher's seat, stealing chalk as to prevent its usage on a blackboard, or more audacious actions such as anonymously scrawling phalluses on another student's textbook without the aforementioned student's consent. It is widely believed that from these humble roots, the after-school capade was derivated from.

With no outlet for mischief for the remainder of the day after the closing-bell of school rang, frustrated pupils sought extra-curricular methods of fulfilling their desire for wanton engagements. As their years advance, pupils' desires for more spontaneous and risky pursuits grow ever-more insatiable with passing age. Typically early capades include crude and mindless acts of anti-social behaviour such as stealing grit from a local grit box and sprinkling it over a disliked peer's lawn, with little of the subtlety and humour that more refined and aged capaders dedicate hours concocting. As adolescence is often viewed as a time of "storm and stress," the conditions for experimentation are never more conspicuous than during an adolescent's formative years. Early capades can therefore be seen as testing waters for later, more elaborate and thought-out capades.

The Art Of Capading

Capading has been related more to as an Art than an exact Science, as it takes skilful judgement and the precision of execution of a master to produce a memorable capade. The benchmark of an outstanding capade follow these loose guidelines (local variations apply):

• Capading is not an act of Vandalism, in such that any seeming inconvenience caused by assailant(s) must be readily undone. Thus, relocation of garden Gnomes is perfectly acceptable by general capade convention, so long as no gnomes are damaged during transportation. Likewise capade materials, those which have been acquisitioned on the same night as the capade, should generally not be relocated further than is absolutely necessary so that the subjects of the petty thievery can have their possessions returned by their local Police department.

• The object of a good capade is always to create a smart and humorous outcome, and not to cause undue stress or fear to local residents. Acts which cause undue ill-feeling or resentment are limited strictly to the local Chav contingent, who are not to be confused with the noble capader. While chavs cause lasting physical and emotional damage to persons and property, capaders cause temporary unrest with no physical or financial repercussions.

• Commonly the gauge by which truly great capades are measured is by column inches, usually as printed in the local press. Outstanding capades or repeat-capades may even feature in Tabloid press; although such capades are rare due to the easily reversible and rectifiable nature of capades.

• Group capades tend to be the most memorable, especially if a Convoy of cars is involved. To strategically deploy people in a coordinated manner takes the utmost skill and more often than not involves a complicated Communications setup between drivers and assistants. The retellability of group capades, as proposed during Pub banter, increases dramatically with group volume increase owing to the nature of group events being cited more readily than individual endeavours.

Standard Capade Practice

Needless to say, there are incalculable circumstances that may qualify to be known as capades, but there are certain capades that have been repeated so many times that they have become familiar prototypes. The vast majority of capades surround vehicle-based exercises, where the Trunk is used primarily for storage and the vehicle itself for transportation. The passengers are oftentimes under mild to severe Intoxication, leading to more challenging and unrestrained exploits being attempted.

Usually capaders are at their most prolific when Council work is being done in a near vicinity, as materials are conveniently left unprotected overnight. A common and overdone capade involves creating new Diversions with existing diversion materials, commonly rerouting vehicles to pointless or incorrect destinations to disruptive effect. Particularly well-thought out and commendable capades involve rerouting vehicles in an endless circle, so that traffic negotiate the maze with no outlet for escape other than manual removal of the offending diversions.

Council materials are also handy to use when the desired outcome is to create a sort of 'mini Depot' in a target's driveway. Given the cumbersome nature and risk involved with carrying such heavy materials, a car with a large boot space should be sought as physically lifting the materials any meaningful distance is a difficult and extremely treacherous procedure. Once the materials have been rehoused, it is fundamental that the capaders Scarper quickly, and it is also advisable to use dipped headlights when leaving so as not to arouse suspicion. Council cones make exquisite decor when relocated, adding colour and texture to the final council material collection, while humorous signs such as 'men at work' have humorous undertones and a degree of subtlety that may be wasted on some people.

Besides the relocation of outdoor paraphernalia, the use of Duct tape is also a steady practical joker's favourite and should be used unsparingly while capading. Duct tape has multiple uses; from sealing front-doors shut, to taping bikes to roofs; the duct tape should never be far away from your capader survival toolbox. Most of all though it is easily removed and doesn't leave much of a mark behind, so is perfect for the tailored needs of the thoughtful capader. Finally, while much experimentation with new capade styles is constantly underway, the classic "eighteen-hole flag steal" is bound to raise a smile for any would-be capader willing to undergo to arduous effort of collecting and subsequently replanting the precious Bounty.

The Tattie Boguls

The Tattie Boguls are perhaps the best known and most widely discussed capaders since the term was incepted a full half-decade ago. The Tattie Boguls made a name for themselves when a trio of pals discussed venturing to a nearby Farm to loot potatoes and empty the bags they would return with onto a friend's lawn. That evening, the Tattie Boguls posted potatoes into various mailboxes after finding a plentiful supply on the outskirts of the farmland, and the rest become capading Folklore.

For consequent weekends in a row, the desire to steal more and more potatoes became an unhealthy obsession, culminating in the greatest single capade hit on record. Making multiple return journeys to the desolate farm, the Tattie Boguls carefully placed a giant mound of potatoes in the victim's garden in Robin Hood fashion to redistribute the wealth of farmers to the needy. The mound itself, according to legend, was a mighty sight to behold and the crowning glory of the capaders best efforts and an exemplary example to all who continue the great tradition of summer capades.

Particularly Heroic Capades

Certain capades have achieved notoriety, or become part of local folklore in the area in which they originally took place. Usually these capades involve a special "X-factor" that cause them to rise above the level of standard mischief making and earn them the respect of other capaders. It may be that the chosen target was previously thought to be "uncapadable", the size and logistical precision of the operation, or the sheer audacity of the capade (for example pulling a capade in broad daylight).

One of the most famous examples of the capade was carried out in May 2003 by a group of schoolchildren who arranged for; (among other things) a bouncy castle to be delivered to the grounds of their school in the early morning, a stripper to appear in a teachers classroom, a roadblock to prevent school transport making it to the building in the morning, and bizzarely, a sheep to make an appearance in the canteen at lunchtime. This capade is remembered for a number of reasons; the size and scale of the operation was above that of the standard prank, the target was a respected educational establishment and the capades took place in broad daylight. The legacy of the stunt was cemented when it made not only the local press, but also several national newspapers. To this day students from around the country remember this capade and, despite some flaws in the planning, it is generally held up as a shining example of a truly monumental piece of work.

Another memorable capade targeted a young driver, who, after crashing his car on several occasions, awoke one morning to find his car almost completely covered in L plates. Although neither a particularly large or visibly impressive capade, this is remembered for the spontanueity and resourcefulness of those responsible. When the idea struck in the early hours of the morning, it would have been easy to wait until the next day, purchase several sets of Learner plates and strike the next night. Instead it was decided that urgency was of the utmost importance and so several cars were dispatched to procure the necessary articles from various automobiles in the area.

Generally the most outlandish capades target fellow capaders, as much for the opportunity for increased artistic expression in the knowledge that the victim will better appreciate the beauty of a truly great capade, as a demonstration of one-upsmanship. Perhaps the most impressive of these "creative capades" involved a menagerie of garden gnomes artistically arranged around the victims garden and on the roof of their house. Also to be found on the roof were a garden bench and a scooter. Other minor pranks such as the duct taping of doors to their frames occurred. The crowning glory of the design however was a large stone circle in the centre of the garden bearing the epiphet "know thine enemy." The victim, although slightly taken aback by the sheer amount of paraphenalia in his garden, was nonetheless grudgingly appreciative of the inventiveness of the perpetrators and much pub banter has since been exchanged between him and the capaders regarding the technical and logistical details of the job.

Sources

Due to the sensitive nature of the capade operation and its illegal status there are no sources to quote, however those interested in capades should search the world wide web for further information and enlightenment on this unique past time.

John Larney

John Larney is a very powerful leader in the Boy Scouts of America associated with Old Colony Council and in particular Tisquantum Lodge 164 (249). Little is known of his past. He served in the United States Navy aboard the USS Brush during the early sixties. Rumor has it that his scouting career started off in California before rising through the ranks to be part of National in Texas. He has recieved the Distinguished Service Award, the highest and rarest award given in the Order of the Arrow. John moved to the Northeast Region where he is now active. After working for a while as a Regional Advisor he settled in to Tisquantum Lodge. As interim Lodge Advisor he has been a major influence in all lodge events for the last five years. During his time with the lodge he has taken on a protégé, Mark Hogan. As Mr. Larney's pupil Mark became very powerful and had control of the political base of the lodge, the ceremonial team. In a debate over philosophy Mark and another student of John Larney challenged him only to have their names be blacklisted for a short time. Since they have regained their own followings. He has single handedly made chiefs of some and destroyed the scouting careers of others. It is rumored that he is actually a lesser god and has the power to strike anyone who has ever worn a scout uniform dead using only his will. There is much speculation as to the source of his power. Many believed it was his red Vigil cape. This was disproved when he gave it to drum master Andy "Hair" Hoss at a recent lodge banquet. Soon he will retire from this interim position and will be replaced by a Mr. Hoolihan. This new fellow seems to posses some of the Larney Influence but will not be a full replacement for the deity. Some of John's favorite activities include driving really fast while listening to Wagner, quoting his favorite movie (Apocalypse Now), Old Dancing, giving away cloths, and striking people dead. THIS MAN HAS A SIGNIFICANCE! John Larney is a significant person because he commands such a large power base throughout New England and the country. Those who cross him regret it and those who win his favor become very comfortable in life.

Awards and Honors

• Distinguished Service Award, 1994
• Section NE-1B Award of Merit, 2002

Sources: "A History of Tisquantum Lodge" by Mario Schoenly, 2003

Note: The sentence "THIS MAN HAS SIGNIFICANCE!" was added after non-notability was claimed on Articles for deletion

From Babar's Kingdom

Babar's Kingdom

Babar's Kingdom, also known in French as Le pays des Éléphants (Elephant Land), is a fictional country in Africa ruled by intelligent elephants, which are usually bipedal and civilized.

The political regime seems to be an absolute monarchy. Since Babar is the founder, it is yet unknown whether it is hereditary or elective but there are a few Royal Princes (Pom, Flore and Alexandre). There is also a Prime Minister, the old Cornélius, who seems to be also Secretary of Defense, and a Minister of Foreign Affairs, Pompadour (who wears an 18th century wig) but no Parliament and no legislative body.

Babar, despite his African origins, pursues an aggressive policy of Westerisation, and will brook no dissent. Opponents have been known to disappear. Occasionally, mass demonstrations against Babar's rule take place on the streets of the capital city. These are invariably followed by a glut in the world ivory markets.

The capital is Celesteville, which was built by Babar and named after his Queen. The name of the city is sometimes used for the country.

The neighbor is Rhino Land, ruled by the tyrannical King Rataxes. Rataxes' supposed tyranny is undefined, and likely merely the result of Babarist propaganda. The relations between Celesteville and Rhinoland are cold at best. A large shipment of weapons-grade plutonium to a desert site near Celesteville has recently been noted.

The presence of ethnic cleansing camps within the borders of Babar's Kingdom are officially denied, and UN inspectors detailed to analyse the veracity of these claims have been denied entry.

Metastupid

Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid.

From Gabo Island (geography lessons needed)

Gabo Island is a small Island located just off Cape Howe, New Zealand which is on the New South Wales-Victorian border.

SIGFUD

SIGFUD (short for Unix Signal: Process was killed by Elmer Fudd) is a IPC signal which in modern UNIX-based operating systems is sent to processes when the user "fudde" uses the kill command upon the process to terminate it.

Cf. SIGWILE.

From Laws of freshman physics

The Laws of Freshman Physics are continually rediscovered and passed down in an oral tradition between classmates at MIT and probably all other universities. (As such, there is probably no "definitive" version of the laws.)

The Laws of Freshman Physics

I. F = ma
II. Thou canst not Push on a String.
III. There exists no Gravity, the Earth doth Suck.
IV. Thou shalt not Ficke with Electricity.
V. Everything Else is Magic.

Discussion

Most of the laws are considered to be Intuitively obvious and therefore are not subject to rigorous, skeptical proof (but see below). Empirically, however, when freshmen have trouble with Physics homework, the problem usually comes from the violation of one of the Laws.

Thus, if you are attempting to solve a simple problem in Physics, the Laws provide a useful boundary of the complexity of the problem. If you're outside the bounds, either you are approaching things incorrectly, or the problem is not simple, and therefore you should not attempt to solve it. At least not without funding or at the very least additional course credit.

Of particular interest

What is most interesting is that NASA will probably publish extremely convincing data supporting The Third Law sometime in 2007, with the completion of the Gravity Probe B project.

From Overmasturbation

Overmasturbation is a disease. This disease makes people Overmasturbat and cause injurys in the pines sector.

The beginning

This disease was discoverd in Israel' in the "Saroka" hospital in 1996 when little Yuri Woskoboinikov came to the E.R. becouse of over rubbed pines. The doctors first couldnt see nothing becouse the pines was so small. But in the end disided to diagnose him as a Overmasturbation patient. Little Yuri had no idea about the life he is going to have but now he told about his filings in an interview that will be aired 15/12/05 in chanel 8. In that interview he tells the reporter about his awful grades in school wich are this bad becouse he cant study couse of hes desease, about the imberisment and about the filling that he getts when he comes home and running strait to his girlfeinds "Tweezers" and "Right hand".

Yuri's life

Yuri cant have a personal life outside the bathroom so this paragraph will be about his school life (when is not masturbating). He was deliverd to a special class of people whos diagnosed in the same deseas and it's called:חשמל 3 In school his thinking about how he will masturbat in recess and in recess is masturbating in the school's bathroom.

The cure

Ther is no cure to this deseas that is known to man kind

How we can help?

We might help to Yuri to cure only if we donate mony to his mom so she could buy him a lotion and disinfect his tweezers.

---

From Joseph Stalin

During his early days, Joseph Stalin was seriously underdeveloped, and got a job working as a ringleader in a local circus. He lost his right arm in a tragic accident involving an elephant that stepped on his unicycle. His parents paid 19000 Kruger for the first ever bionic arm, at the time a simple set of hydraulics.

Cannabis

This edit blanked the page, replacing it with the following hippie-public-health message:

Hugs not drugs!

Rob Church ^{Talk | FAHD} 14:59, 18 October 2005 (UTC)

Does any one know the definition of hypocrisy?

Addition by User:81.62.236.179 to Gay [2]:

Gayness is disgusting and must be punished by death.

Addition by same user to Lesbian [3]:

Watching two lesbians get it on really gets me stiff.

chowells 19:40, 18 October 2005 (UTC)

From Macchu Picchu (History)

19:57, 18 October 2005 216.43.124.150 (→Three sectors - learne u sume spelin two!)

19:56, 18 October 2005 216.43.124.150 (→Three sectors - Me'll learn you some well grammar!)

From "Paul Preacher"

Paul Preacher - Renowned internet pronographer and gin swilling lush, spends his time photoshopping unsuspecting members of public into 'naughty photos' for the amusement of internet geeks. He also has a secret desire to get a little extra from howard (the halifax gimp).

Non-joke

A non-joke is a Joke of which the Humor value comes from the fact that it has the form of a joke (sometimes with the set-up line of an established joke) but has a nonsensical punchline. Examples of non-jokes are:

Johnny went in to the bakers and asked for a loaf of bread.

Baker: White or brown?

Johnny: It doesn't matter, I'm on my bike.

Johnny enters a bar and asks, "Do you know what time it is?"

Barkeeper: Yes.

Johnny: So do I.

Two nuns in a bath. One says "Pass the soap", and the other says,

"No soap, radio!"

Often they come in the form of question-answer jokes:

Q: What is quicker, a hare or a rabbit?

A: An iceberg, because a camel has two humps.

Q: Why did the plane crash?

A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Q: What's the difference between an orange?

A: A cow, because a vest has no sleeves.

Q Where do you get the storyboards?

A Because duh.

Q: What's the difference between a duck?

A: The left leg is identical.

Q: What is purple and, when thrown against the wall, causes the neighbor's phone to ring?

A: Coincidence.

Q: Why is a hare?

A: Because behind a tree.

Q: How many fish does the boat go?

A: Answer: Yes. (The word "answer" is, in fact, part of the answer.)

Q: Ask me if I'm a tree.

A: Are you a tree?

A: No. (Usually said in an offended way.)

Q: If you're driving your boat through the desert and you get a flat tire, how many penguins does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Blue, because ice cream doesn't wear pants.

Another example may be the sort of jokes told by young children who do not yet understand the concept of humor:

Q: What did the watering can say to the television?

A: Toilet!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Box.

Box who?

I'm flying!

Q: Who makes this drinking sound? (makes a drinking sound)

A: George Grashington!

Q: Why is a cat a dog?

A: Because it isn't!

The 2002 film Kung Pow: Enter the Fist contains an example of a non-joke, supposedly funny before translation, told by Evil Betty.

Q: What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

A: My ass.

Your mama is so ubiquitous every time she plugs in the toaster llamas migrate to Quebec.

Q: If you're going down hill in a canoe and one of your wheels falls off, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?

A: None. Because Arizona is a state.

Two ducks walk into a bar. The one legged hooker at the end of the bar stands up and exclaims "My teeth feel fuzzy!" At that exact moment 2000 miles away a boat load of migrant farm workers drive their bus into a crowded shopping mall. The blind gynecologist picks up his hammer and says "My pencil, dear Aurelius, have you no ham for the corpse of my beloved cat zap toaster wiggle?"

When making a non-joke, it is vital that the audience expects a joke, because a non-joke An sich isn't usually considered funny. This is one reason meta-jokes work better when told than when written. A variation (more in the vein of anti-humor) is to tell a group of people that the joke has no real punchline, but that they should laugh hysterically nonetheless when you tell it in the presence of another person. Then, when an unsuspecting friend does stop by, you can drop the joke and watch their reaction as all the other friends die from laughter.

From Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Merovingian

This was a cheap attempt to delete my user talk page. --[[wp:User:Merovingian|User:Merovingian/Sig]] (t) (c) (<font color=green|e) 06:45, 19 October 2005 (UTC)

Rollin' down the street, smoking indo, sipping on gin and juice, with my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

From Icy Hot (a topical product for muscle pain)

WARNING Avoid use on pelvic regions.

This sounds like advice from someone with first-hand experience. (Upon preview: no pun intended...) -Peruvianllama 07:13, 19 October 2005 (UTC)

From Judit Polgar (top female chess player)

On top of being a great chess player she is also very sexy and would be not doubt would be extemely dynamic and moblie in the bedroom.

JACKALOPE

The Jackalope is a muscle in the forearm that contains antlers. It is also known as the horny muscle.

JESUS WAS BLACK!!!!

Jeebus

Was

Black.

From 4Kids Entertainment

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines 4Kids Entertainment as "a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes," Curiously enough, an edition of the Encyclopaedia Galactica that had the good fortune to fall through a time warp from a thousand years in the future defined 4Kids Entertainment as "a bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came."

Pope Powers

This was added by an anon at the end of Pope#Election.

There is also a way that any individual, who is male, above the age of fourteen, and catholic, can become Pope. You must kill the Pope and steal his ring an place it upon your own finger. This grants you the legendary "Pope Powers." There are three ways to kill the Pope: 1) Formally challenge the Pope to a duel(You must be well trained to battle the "Pope Powers") 2) Battle up the ranks of the papacy until you reach your final goal of the Pope(Note: It is much easier to formally challenge the Pope, but you can gain papacy powers by defeating those in lower ranks). 3) Assainiate the Pope. It is recommended that you kill the Pope otherwise he may retain his power and come after you. He can only be formally challenged or killed outside the Vatican, or he is otherwise immortal.

The Tao of Talk Pages

It seems then that you too are misled. For you seem to think that you have a talk page also. However, you do not. In truth, Mel Etitis, is a user and each user has a talk page and therefore Mel Etitis has a talk page. However, you have no talk page. In reality, all users, whether registered or not, have talk pages. Why else would there be talk pages for IP addresses, and templates for those talk pages, if they were not meant to contact the user? As discussed with User:who here, each user has a talk page and therefore when I am user: IP my talk page is user:IP. This is the reason that when you talk to me at my talk page it tells me that I have a message. Otherwise the page would serve no purpose.

In essence, talk pages are ways of communicating with a person. The talk page for Mel Etitis happens to be the place where you go to receive communication directed to you, and thus it serves its purpose. Despite the fact that your talk page remains the same, that does not mean that I do not have a talk page. Anytime you want to reach me, you just have to leave a message on my talk page. Just because you don't know where my talk page is, or when I will be able to read what you have written, that doesn't mean that I don't have a talk page. Even though your communication may not always go to its proper recipient, if you are smart enough you will find a way to contact the recipient. Additionally, if your communication is important to the recipient they will find it.

For this reason, I don't need a talk page in the traditional sense, because my talk page works for me how and when I need it.

134.250.72.174 00:36, 20 October 2005 (UTC), the former 134.250.72.176

From Legal trials of Saddam Hussein

The 67-year-old deposed Iraqi leader appeared confident and defiant throughout the 26-minute hearing. Alternating between listening to and gesturing at the judge, Saddam questioned the legitimacy of the tribunal set up to try him. He called the court as a "play aimed at Sosa's chances of winning the U.S. presidential elections." He emphatically rejected charges against him. "This is all theatre. The real criminal is Sarah Jessica Parker," he stated. When asked by the judge to identify himself in his first appearance before an Iraqi judge, he answered, "I am Saddam Hussein al-Majid - nut ball- kook, , the President of the Republic of Uranus." "I am still the president of the Uranus and the occupation took that away," Saddam declared.

From Hurricane Wilma

Wilma and Betty on October 19, 2005.

Admit it. You KNEW this was going to happen with a name like "Wilma."

• Yup. Uncyclopedia:Hurricane Wilma and Hurricane Dennis (the Menace) took a similar angle.

From Didsbury Women's Circle

The Didsbury Women's Circle (DWC) is a Grassroots Conservative Political Group based in Greater Manchester in England. Image:DWClogo.gif

Beginnings

The Didsbury Women's Circle (DWC) was founded by a Group of like-minded Women, who claimed to be tired of what they saw as the "Lies" and "distortions" in the media, and decided to "fight back" and tell the truth, as they see it, to the British People.

General Information

Motto

The Circle's Latin Motto is:

Potentia pro Libertas, Libertas pro Potentia

which translates as:

Power for freedom, freedom for power

Constitution

The Constitution of the DWC is loosely based on the system that governs the United States of America, with a clear separation of powers between the Legislative, Executive and Judicial branches of the organisation.

• Executive branch:
  • President (currently Mrs. Penny Francis)
  • Executive Vice-President (currently Mrs. Deidre Cunningham)
• Legislative branch:
  • Executive Committee, made up of 6 permanent members
• Judicial branch:
  • The Judiciary is drawn, at random, from all members of the circle, excluding those involved in the legislative or executive branches.

Elections to all posts are held each Spring, on a date chosen by the Executive Committee.

Broadly speaking, the Executive branch co-ordinates the day-to-day activities of the circle (see below) whereas the legislative branch decides on circle policy, such as collective political views. All members of the DWC are allowed to address the Executive Committee during debates (time allowing). In the case of a tie in a vote by the committee, the President is able to cast a deciding ballot.

Members

The founding members of the DWC were Penny Francis, Deidre Cunningham and Dorothy Braithwaite. All are currently still active within the organisation and sit on the Executive Committee. Their roles are:

• Mrs. Penny Francis - President
• Mrs. Deidre Cunningham - Executive Vice-President
• Mrs. Dorothy Braithwaite - Chairwoman of the Executive Committee

Christine Hamilton, wife of the ex-MP Neil Hamilton, is an honorary member of the Circle.

Julia Dawson was removed from the Executive Committee. The committee have remained tight-lipped as to the reason for this. Their official comment is that Ms Dawson "committed a gross infringement". There is some speculation as to what this might be.

Activities

The DWC undertakes many activities within the wider community in a effort to make Didsbury, and the rest of England, into what it sees as a safer and more productive place.

The DWC also makes and sells homemade Raspberry and Rhubarb Preserve.

Campaigning

The most high-profile political activity that the DWC has so far involved itself in was the "March for Rural Freedoms" in December 2004. The Protest was conceived as a response to the current Labour Government's Legislation banning Fox-hunting. The march was due to end outside local MP Keith Bradley's Constituency office, but unfortunately had to be cancelled because of the activities of anti-hunt Activists.

Community education and debate

The DWC's activities in this field are primarily concerned with drawing the public's attention to some of the following:

• Terrorism
• Dyslexia and special needs. The DWC maintain, contrary to current scientific thinking, that Dyslexia is nothing more than 'laziness'.
• Crime
• European Federalism
• The motives of Environmentalism
• Smacking
• What it perceives as the degradation of Public Morality
• Asylum and Immigration
• Corporal Punishment
• The Death Penalty

Views

The DWC is broadly Conservative in its views. It has an official stance (as laid down by the legislative branch) on several issues.

Partisan Allegiance

The DWC has no specific Partisan Allegiance, despite the fact that its members come from a relatively narrow section of the Political spectrum, from members of the Tory Party to UKIP Activists. However, there is nothing in the constitution forbidding partisan allegiance so this may not always be the case.

External links

Didsbury Women's Circle Homepage

Sex

this is where your nan is intercourseceled into being slapped repeatedly with wet fishes

From Dog

The dog is also known as man best friend but is it really?

The only dogs in recent history that are nice are dead. I love putting dogs in a blender because it's funny when they spin around and break apart and stuff flys out.

Now on a lighter note I'll teach you how to cook dog starting with the assemblance of a microwave.

To make a microwave you have to start with seven simple steps.

Step 1: Place the microwave together with yuor teeth or your hands will explode.

Step 2: Eat a carrot and put a screw from the microwave up your anus.

Step 3: Drink heavily for a week so that you can't make the microwave.

Step 4: Head butt a granite wall until your unconcious.

Step 5: Jump out of an up stairs window head first for severe head trauma. This also forces the need for neck surjury.

Step 6: Make another part of the microwave.

Step 7: place a fire extinguisher inside the microwave and cook steadily for ten minutes. You'll have to press your face against the glass to see when it's cooked.

Now how to cook a dog.

Ingredients: Dog half a bottle of Tomato Ketchup Sugar Rice Corgettes and other stuff that you put in your ass.

Step 1: Slice the dog up and put into a large dish of Tomato Ketchup and Rice.

Step 2: Put the anal vegetables into the rear end of the dog.

Step 3: Put sugar on it.

Step 4: Cook it in the microwave for three hours.

Adolf Hitler and the Briefs Controversy

The Adolf Hitler and the Briefs Controversy started in July 1995 when briefs were found outside a Nazi Concentration camp in Germany.

It is believed, some sources claim, that the Briefs were Adolf Hitler's; however, this is disputed by experts on Naziism and World War II.

There is some doubt about the Authenticity of the Briefs. Historical expert Roger Weierstrass claims that these could have been planted by British enemies, or even other sides in World War II.

However, Forensic evidence claims these briefs are Adolf's, and the investigation is still ongoing now. There were other examples of briefs and vests found at concentration camps which are claimed to be Adolf Hitler's.

It is disputed as to whether the briefs found at various Concentration camps were Adolf Hitler's or not.

Primary sources claim Adolf Hitler's briefs can be found at many Concentration camps within the premises.

Research is ongoing; this is a controversial area for historians.

I ran with a broken leg

Comment I am Gary Mayne and i would like to add that when I ran the race i did have a broken leg. This is why i failed to reach my usual times of 10.2 (ish) seconds.

Apparently added to the Articles for Deletion page by the subject of the article, whose claim to fame was running 100m in 11.97s in an amateur athletic competition.

From Image:Vader complete.jpg

It's alive!

It's alive!

Rambling

This article needs to be cleaned up to conform to a higher standard of quality.
This article has been tagged since the dawn of time.
See How to Edit and Style and How-to for help, or this article's talk page.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Rambling is the act of speaking or writing in a fragmented, disorganized manner. Some contend that rambling results from stupidity. Others suggest it is caused by poorly formed thoughts, drunkeness, speech impediments, or oratory style.

An extreme example of rambling is the following:

"Yesterday I went shopping with my mother for wiffle balls. And pants. I wanted pants too. I only have like 3 pairs of jeans. For obvious reasons, we spend a lot of money on laundry materials. So first we went to Toys R Us. I became angered at them once I realized that they should be "Toys R We." I got even more angered when they didn't have any wiffle balls. Anger was pouring out of my ears, and forming a tangible puddle of rage on the floor. We then went to the Sports Authority. I don't like authority, but I digress. The Sports Authority didn't have any wiffle balls. Actually they did, but they were softball sized. Then we went to Kohls. I hate that store. The mannequins are really creepy. I got some pants. Now I have six pairs of jeans. Assuming that I never wear jeans on Sunday, I'm golden. We then left for Target. They didn't have wiffle balls either, so I left for home a bit downtrodden."

Now personally I think that the above exerpt is awesome. It's like litterary gold. I think I spelled that wrong. The WiliMedia Foundation obviously doesn't think so, because my article has been targeted for cleanup, those bastards. I will not let them take my baby away. I will not rest for a second. I will take this all the way to the Supreme Court!!! Unless I get distracted. Like there was this one time when I went into the kitchen to do God only knows what, and I couldn't remember what I was there for. That's not the point though. The point is that people are going to read this and be like, "Dude, this kid was high when he wrote this." And then they'll be like, "Delete!" and my baby will be gone. Furthermore, I'm not high. Further furthermore, I want to try it, but at the moment legality prevents me from doing so. Furthermore still, I have never imbiled an intoxicating substance. Ok, I shot morphine once, but that had a legitimate medical use. I was having my freaking skull drilled open.

There's only one logical answer to this problem. I must gather followers to myself, and seceed (sp?) from the wikipedia union. We will start a mighty Wikipedi civil war, that will rage through the internet. Maybe we'll ally with google, who knows? I implore you, people of wikipedia, to reject the tyrrany of coherence, and write encyclopedi articles that make no sense. And don't get distracted, because you will walk into your kitchen with no idea of your purpose.

Template:Untrustworthy

Warning: The following article concerns a bastion of immorality in modern society, a politician. Proceed with caution.

From Green Day

Just recently, Thurl Cledera joined the band and replaced Tre Cool, Mike Dirnt, and Billie Joe Armstrong. He renamed the band as "One Thurl Show Band".

• I think an anonymous IP posted this. totally random. --Jamdav86 17:53, 22 October 2005 (UTC)

From Shaler Area School District

Shaler Area School District is located in Pittsburgh, PA. It has a student population of about 5,555. The grade teaches grades K-12. .]]

Superintendent & Principals

The current superintendent of Shaler Area School District is Dr. Donald Lee. The High School Principal is Mr. Suit, the Intermediate School Principal is Mr. McQuade, and the Vice Principal there is Mr. Brooks. (Also known as Stiff Biscuit, Mr. Crooks, Sir Barksalot, that Mean Guy that Looks like a Donkey, and Microphone Man) The Middle School Principals are Mr. Stennett and Mr. Johnson.

The Schools

There are eight schools in the Shaler Area School District. The Schools in order from lowest grade levels to highest are:

• Burchfield Elementary
• Jefferey Elementary
• Marzolf Elementary
• Reserve Elementary
• Rogers Elementary
• Shaler Area Middle School
• Shaler Area Intermediate School
• Shaler Area High School
• Super Gayfag Elementry

Sports

Shaler's Teams are all nicknamed "The Titans" or "The Lady Titans". The Shaler Area School District is widely known for their lack of athletic talent.

Notable Alumni

• Timmy Beggy - Road Rules 2 Contestant

• Danny Burda - Star Search Contestant

• Jay Mariotti - Sports Columnist; Appears on ESPN's Around the Horn.

• Danny Fortson - NBA Basketball Player

• Yuri Demetris - Former Collegiate Basketball Player for the University of Pittsburgh, known for alledgedly abusing his girlfriend

• Brian Batko- Coolest Kid that ever lived

• Ian Terry- Kid who's famous for his yelling out windows sketch on skool bus.

• Adam Dunker- He's Ken Jennings

Criticism

Shaler is often criticized for its Poor Behavior of Students, and for being monetarily unstable.

WikiWikiWildWildWest

• Naming suggestions:
• Domain: www.wikiwww.org
• Scope: Coding cowwwboys and out-sauced Indians slugging it out on the digital frontier.
• Details: A wiki home where the buffalo roam.
• Proposer: Jim West
• People interested:
• Relevant links:

This was found in MediaWiki's proposal for new projects by me, Quadraxis

Glossary of conservative terms

"Hitting the bottle tonight are we?"-used any time no other answer can be found

"You are off you medicine again"-see above

"Stop doing drugs"-see above

"It is pure paranoia"-see above

"I am not ..." - whoever opponent claims you are

"terrorist sympathizer"-not a right wing christian conservative

"terrorist"-person described above when put behind the bars

"suspect"-non white person

"looter"-any coloured or poor person carrying an item bigger then a football

"patriot"-loud speaking hater of everything what is disapproved by neoconservative platform

"patriots act"-the constitution defragmentation allowing to punish any one who is not a patriot

"hero"-anyone who makes it at the Fox news in a positive context

"new reality" -the lunatic rave of Donald Rumsfeld brought to real life

"hard work"-counting corporate profits

"lazy"-any person with gross income less then 45K

"life loving"-ready to kill

"freedom"- carrying a gun and drinking in the country club

"our liberties"-something people who are not born in USA should not and will not understand by default

"anti-Americanism" - disagreement with USA government or corporate rip off

"lefty"-anyone who is not republican

"nutter"-see lefty

"french"-bad people

" islamists"-very bad people with darker skin. Are not like us

"us"-good people

"Europeans"-bunch of lefties, french and islamists who are too chickenS*** pussies to face a real battlefield and should appreciate that USA allows them to exist for a time being

"ignorant, incompetent, arrogant"-anyone who disagrees with corporate agenda

"Michael Moore"-most ignorant arrogant, incompetent European friendly lefty ever seen

"why don't you leave the country" duty answer to criticism

"get the job"-duty answer to economic critisism

"election"-right to elect the government corporate elite wants to see

"radicalism"-desire to elect a government corporate elite does not want to see

"vote"-something that counts.Can be counted arbitrary according to what the boss says

"free speech"-invention of devil

"bill of rights"-the idol we should worship but should not take too seriously

"America"-centre of universe

"coward"-anyone who is not a member of USA military force

"US army"-should rule the world

"civil society"-evil bunch of cowards who does not allow USA army rule the world

"realistic"or "acting realistic"-explanation and excuse to any crime committed by USA government agency(also word "pragmatic" can be used)

"democracy"-society controlled by Bush family or US army

"tyranny" -parts of the world not yet controlled by Bush family or US army

"naive"-demand of social security, higher salary or peace

"peace"-bad communist invention

"CIA"-Good guys. Also secret word for you-know-what. Should never be sayd out

"Osama ben Laden"-Boogie man

"Al Queeda"-Booooo

"God"-the voice in conservative's head

"devil"-anyone or anything(including medicine) to silent the voice in cnservative head

"sex"-terrible activity, should be wiped out

"Bible"-heavy item used as an accessory for speeches, oath and other ceremonies. Latest research found out that Bible happen to be a book but it is unclear if this fact is known to conservatives

"What Jesus would do"-favorite conservative slogan. Find out and do the opposite

"homosexual"-most evil creature on Earth surface. Note:it is OK to be homosexual if you happen to be conservative

"bombing"- spontaneous mass murder of civilians of other ethnicity or political camp committed by conservative or right-winger; also murder of civilians "over there"(see below) by dropping bombs from airplane for their own good.

"liberation"-invading the land and killing inhabitants

"terrorism"-spontaneous mass murder of conservatives; or any mass murder which can be blamed on other race and ethnicity

"socialism"-synonymous of "evil"; can be blamed for anything what has gone wrong in the society

"evil"-not conservative

"socialist"-natural born destroyer who has only the worst of society in mind

"communist"-most terrible branch of socialists

"liberal"-socialist who infiltrated in USA government; used against anyone who disagrees with Bush line or shows 0,0001% compassion to the underprivileged social groups

"lie"-anything not broadcasted by Fox news

"justice"-killing bad guys

"bad guys"-any person right winger may dislike

"collateral damage"-good guys who are accidentally killed while fighting against bad guys

"weapons of mass destruction"- mythical ghost the USA army is cursed to hunt forever

"nuclear weapons"-something USA government has in big numbers but what is a threat to civility if put into other peoples hands

"border"-the sacral line dividing the centre of universe(see also America) and fortress of civility from savages

"over there"-outside USA borders(also "overseas")

"American"-the best

"American technology"-made in China

"technologically unadvanced"-different from American

"science"-any research programme funded by USA based grants

"nonsense"-any research programme funded by not American party

"abortion"-murder

"murder"-killing the wealthy, western person or his offspring. Also any killing which may lead a poor or ethnic person into the death row. Note:killing of poor or ethnic person by uniformed employees of USA government is not a murder

"woman"-creature necessary to produce offspring's of USA elite and more soldiers for USA army. Is discriminated "over there"(see above) and should be liberated by bombing

"female"-woman who is unable to produce offspring's for some reason. Should be used either as a propaganda poster or labor force

"Hollywood"-bad place which is working hard to destroy true American virtues and fabric of USA society. Note:it is only bad if critical to conservative. It is OK to be pro - conservative in Hollywood

Copyright:Nick Gabrichidze 2005

From David Hasselhoff

David co-hosted the Australian version of the US Grammys, the ARIAs, on Sunday 23 October 2005 in Sydney. Hasselhoff was kissed and dry humped upon presenting Missy Higgins with five awards, but otherwise survived unscathed.

From John Basedow

John Basedow is a Bodybuilder and self-proclaimed "Fitness Celebrity" known in the United States for his Fitness Made Simple home workout video tapes....

He lives his life at a heart pumping cardio pace.

from "Orgonomy"

En1Gma (Anig-Mah) Noun:Space Mineral

An unusual space component instrumental in the use of collequioul warp drive interfaces. Consists mainly of Magnesium, Trolticyte (Plutonian deep crust mineral), Helium, Chromium, Arsenic, Junirceris (Saturn Ring mineral), Querticitosic (partial crystallize mineral from dry river beds deep in the eastern region caverns of Venus), and Polonium, this mineral is deadly within 2 miles of any known lovong organism.

En1Gma's containment properties can only be held by a triple dense molecular magnetic field within a polarized rotating magnetic field.

It is primarily used in Warp Field manipulation and acceleration control of certain starcraft.

From Association of American Medical Colleges

An evil organization that robs poor medical studnets of all their money!!

From Ben Bernanke

This article documents a current event. Information may change rapidly as the event progresses.

Alan Greenspan, Jr. (b.December 13, 1953 in Augusta, Georgia), often called Greenspan the Younger or by his presidential nickname of "CSPAN", is the Chairman of the U.S. President's Council of Inflation Skyrocketation and the nominee to replace his pappy as Chairman of the Federal Perverse. He was previously a member of the Board of Governors of the Perverse, serving from August 1982 until just prior to his June 1985 swearing-in as CIS chairman.

He graduated from high school in Pickleton Heights, Wisconsin in 1981; from Steinbeck College in 1985; and earned his Ph.D. at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in 1789. Teaching at Beantown, USA College from 1989-2005, he has since then been professor and chairman of the Department of Economics at Lord Fauntlaroy College. He has given several important lectures at the London School of Drums and Tiddlywinks on monetary theory and monetary policy and written three textbooks on aphrodisiacs.

He was the Director of the Monetary Economics Program of the Nationall Association of Hookers and the editor of the Playboy.

From Wafflezman

Wafflezman is a legendary man that is obsessed with waffles and lives on the Eiffel Tower wallhaxing everyone in the world. His real name is unknown and there is only 2 known images of him, that is, of him not wallhaxing the camera.

Every friday he leaves to gather more waffles from Waffle Fields (He turned the New York Yankee's baseball stadium into a giant waffle growing field) and when he comes back he sees that the Japanese have take over his home, and he then begins to throw various syrups and waffles at them while crying and screaming vulgar words and bad "yo momma" jokes.

After a week, the Japanese get tired of the waffle throwing and leave the Eiffel Tower, so then Wafflezman climbs back up and sits in a corner rocking back and forth chanting "Syrup is for the good boys..... wallhax..." .

It is said on a Saturday night during a full moon you can hear the screams of waffles echoing from Wafflezman Forest as he eats 67,3746.33 waffles in half a milisecond.

Beware young boys and girls! Wafflezman sees you when you sleep at night in the nude. He wallhaxz ALL.

From Henry Clay

Henry Clay was a very handsome young man, who in 2004, established his own chicken joint. Even though his 12 spices weren't as good as the colonel's, eveyone loved his american system chicken!

From Charles Cecil#Trivia

• Charles has his suits specially tailored by voles and shrews.

From Data frame

Apparently framing was invented by a Ukranian Mathematician called Andrei Gaboershnik. His original model used truck-loads of turnips as the 'data' but soon became impractical due to rising diesel costs and peasants nicking the neeps for soup.

Confetti also proved impractical as it proved too tricky to count.

Mark Ogilvie

Mark Ogilvie is widely reknowned for being the greatest human being ever conceived. This would be true, if it were not for the fact that Mark Ogilvie is not technically human, but an Android constructed from experimental alien alloys. Mark Ogilvie, human or not, is indeed the most perfect creation on the planet Earth, nay, the Milky Way galaxy.

Mark's Construction

Mark Ogilvie was built on the twenty ninth day of the sixth month of the year one thousand nine hundred and eighty eight. This was a glorious day indeed, and shall forever be known as Blue Tuesday.

This was not a glorious day had by all, however. Corrupt-O-Tron, the Demon Robot, determined to put a stop to all this nonsense, and killed off the nation of Chad, which he had then ruled. Mark Ogilvie, being the benevolent soul that he is, was deeply pained by the loss of Chad, but due to his complete lack of involvement with the country, the sadness passed in rapid fashion.

Mark Today

Today, Mark Ogilvie is ruler of all mankind, through the secret Brotherhood of Nod, and a generous benefactor to all of planet Earth's governments. His holiness may be contacted at: personal information removed

From James Logan High School "The Revenge of the Nerds Edit War"

On October 18th

On October 25th

The Forensics Speech and Debate Program

Background and History

The background and history of the forensics debate team is that they have a history of talking a lot.

Founder of the Legacy

The Forensics team is coached by Mr. Craven Morhed, who also likes to talk a lot.

Fame and Success

The Forensics team is not famous and has relatively no success. However, they like to refer to themselves as "famous" and "successful".

Pojedinec

1. Pojedinec - a rare Polish creature found extensively throughout northern New Jersey. Known for their voracious appetite for kolbasa and perogies resulting in a more rotund, pronounced paunch with age.

2. Pojedinec - a Polish family name

From Wikipedia:Reference desk/Miscellaneous

.j.r.r.

how would .j.r.r. tolkien be if he was still alive today.

See our article on J.R.R. Tolkien for his birth date. — Lomn | Talk / RfC 19:05, 25 October 2005 (UTC)

I think he'd be decrepit... and famous. Living 113 years sounds like a record to me. ☢ Ҡieff⌇↯ 19:28, 25 October 2005 (UTC)

An author may die but his copyrights live forever. -- Toytoy 03:43, 26 October 2005 (UTC)

No, his copyrights live 70 years. - Nunh-huh 04:14, 26 October 2005 (UTC)

depressed? Baad 08:24, 26 October 2005 (UTC)

The record is 122 and a bit or something like that. See Longevity. And if J.R.R. Tolkien were still alive today, he'd be saying "HELP! HELP! LET ME OUT OF THIS COFFIN!" Possibly in Elvish. Proto t c 12:16, 26 October 2005 (UTC)

From Tamaguchi

Tamaguchi were these stupid electronic Japanese toys that some American children (mostly retarded) got into in the late nineties. Basically, you have to pet, feed, and tickle a little pixilated japanimation pet--and if you neglected it for, like, a few hours, it would die. This is payback for Hiroshima.

From Internetism (religion)

Internetism is a belief that the Internet, is a manifestation of an Omniscient, Omnipresent being, a universal "God".

Foundation

Internetism exists as long as the Internet has. Over the years, as the Internet grows exponentially, it was realized that the Internet has became the source of collective knowledge of humanity. Thus it is presumed that the Internet is omniscient and omnipresent to those who have the ability to access it. Internetists are usually humanists, who see the Internet as a fitting deity, tangible, responsive and the ultimate creation of makind.

History

There apparently is no single founder of the belief, since the conception of the idea can be universal due to the global reach of the Internet. Since the Internet resembles much of the ideas of Teilhard de Chardin's Noosphere and it's successors up to G. Mayer-Kress and Joël de Rosnay (who connects the concept with the Internet), the idea of a global being dates back to the 19th century. Hence it is not surprising if several individuals claim to be it's founder.

Quotes

"...one of the unspoken reasons we are drawn to the Internet is that it realizes so many of our primal old definitions of God. It’s invisible. It’s everywhere. It knows everything. Sing it now: It’s got the whole world in its hands. Its eye is on the sparrow, paraphrasing the Ethel Waters song, and I know it watches me. Why else do we keep Googling ourselves if not to be reminded that the Internet knows who I am, and who you are, too. The Internet — so closely resembling the “noosphere” that Teilhard de Chardin foresaw 50 years ago — marks a new stage of human evolution. We do not begin to see the dimensions of the new reality." - Chris Lyndon. Open Source article

"If I can operate Google, I can find anything. And with wireless, it means I will be able to find anything, anywhere, anytime. Which is why I say that Google, combined with Wi-Fi, is a little bit like God. God is wireless, God is everywhere and God sees and knows everything. Throughout history, people connected to God without wires. Now, for many questions in the world, you ask Google, and increasingly, you can do it without wires, too." - Alan Cohen, Vice President of Airespace. New York Times article "Is Google God?"

See also

• Global brain
• Noosphere
• Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

More

• google god Comments on NYT's article
• An adherent of the religion

From Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Internetism (religion)

hoax, or at least not anything that really exists. The quotes given in support are using the Internet as a metaphore for God, not the basis for any real religion. Peyna 04:28, 25 October 2005 (UTC)

• Delete. The article completely fails to establish this as a notable religion. As per the nominator, the quotes are completely taken out of context, anyway. —HorsePunchKid→龜 04:52, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Comment: Maybe should change the title from "Internetism (religion)" to Internetism (general belief)? Template:Unsigned Note: created the article under discussion
  • That might be a step in the right direction, but it will still be incumbent upon you to establish that some significant number of people actually hold this as a general belief. I think it's a great idea (Serial Experiments Lain fan here :-), but I think it is still pretty much in the realm of science fiction. —HorsePunchKid→龜 05:05, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Delete, as non-verified. --Vsion 05:08, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Keep: The Free Exercise Clause of the First Amendment of the United States Bill of Rights guarantees absolute freedom for exercising one's religious beliefs (this includes online postings). The United Nations International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, Paragraph 1, Article 18, Part III says "Everyone shall have the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion. This right shall include freedom to have or to adopt a religion or belief of his choice, and freedom, either individually or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in worship, observance, practice and teaching". Thus this article should be recognized as a religious exercise by either an individual or community and thus should be allowed to function and left to be, according to the 1st Amendment of the US Bill of Rights and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Template:Unsigned
  • Good day! While we respect your considerably well-bolded and logically sourced right to practice any religion that strikes your fancy, it should be noted that said right doesn't extend to other people's/group's/etcetera's websites. Additionally, as has been noted, Wikipedia is not a soapbox. Nor is it a country, a planet, a galaxy, or a universe - it is an Encyclopedia (link provided for clarification), and thus an innapropriate place to practice religion. Now, if your belief system was notable, which we invite you to prove, we'd be more than happy to mention it. Until then, I invite you to surf around and become familiar with wikipedia, what warrants inclusion, and community norms and standards. Have a wikiwiki day! --Jeffrey O. Gustafson - Shazaam! - <*| 14:05, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
    • Thank you for your well wishes. on your argument that Wikipedia is not a place to practice religion, well, that depends on what the definition of practice is. We started this article so that we may share our ideas with the world, wikipedia's the easiest ways since most of the world's media is biased to some degree. Since wikipedia's mission is to share knowledge with a neutral point of view then we have the right to share our beliefs with the world as much as anyone do. Adding to that, Internetism adheres to the sharing of knowledge which is a way we practice our religion; and since wikipedia's and our interests do not conflict, we shouldn't have any problems then, with the support of the 1st Amendment's guarantee of freedom of expression.
      • Wikipedia's mission is to also present articles about notable subjects. This has nothing to do with the first amendment - you want people to know about Internetism or whatever, put up your own website. You have failed to prove notability. --Jeffrey O. Gustafson - Shazaam! - <*| 01:40, 26 October 2005 (UTC)
• Delete as nonsense. The above argument is a bit ott. Dottore So 10:26, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Ironically for 60.48.75.108's argument, there is no evidence (presented by the article or otherwise) that people are actually exercising their freedom of religion in this way. Wikipedia is not a soapbox. Delete. Uncle G 11:20, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Keep: In response to the previous argument, the creator of the article in question, 60.48.75.108 (hereinafter refered to as "Bundein"), is a devout practitioner of the religious belief under presecution. Hence by the 1st Amendment and UN Declaration of Human Rights (hereinafter refered to as "the Law") it is a valid religious belief. Bundein 11:44, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
  • In respose to the previous arguments' referal to Wikipedia is not a soapbox, the article in question is not a form of propaganda, self advocation nor advertising but instead an expresion of the creator's (Bundein's) religious beliefs.
• Delete as unverified. -Javeryt 11:49, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Oh, yeah, and Delete --Jeffrey O. Gustafson - Shazaam! - <*| 14:05, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Delete Andrew Lenahan - Starblind 14:53, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Non-notable, unverified, with a generous handful of original research thrown in for good measure. Delete -- The Anome 17:17, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Comment: Most of the commentors seem to ignore that Internetism has a different view from other "normal" religious/philosophical ideas, and hence bias on their views.
• Delete. And if the First Amendment arguments are put forward seriously -- I can't tell if they're kidding -- it's worth rereading the text. Even just rereading the first word of the First Amendment would answer this claim. Bikeable 18:11, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Strong Delete and Comment: The article is cruft, but beside that i'd like to warn the advocates of Wikipedia:No legal threats. Please do not break policies on that page again, you've been warned. Karmafist 18:33, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Delete and comment: The First Amendment applies only to the federal government, not private entities such as the Wikimedia Foundation. --howcheng [ talk &#149; contribs &#149; web ] 20:21, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Delete - though some of the arguments for keeping it might qualify as BJAODN. ;) — Haeleth Talk 22:08, 25 October 2005 (UTC)
• Delete as per nom. Joe DeCock.
• Keep. We are not threating wikipedia with legal action. We are not sueing anyone. We are only exercising our rights which has been written in law. The First Amendment and UN Declaration on Human Rights encompasses the whole US sovereign soil and and those countries who are members of the UN.
  • Yes, BJAODN this AfD per Haelth. --Jeffrey O. Gustafson - Shazaam! - <*| 01:40, 26 October 2005 (UTC)
  • If that were correct, then the Boy Scouts of America wouldn't be allowed exclude gays. --howcheng [ talk &#149; contribs &#149; web ] 16:12, 26 October 2005 (UTC)
    • They Boyscouts of America holds the same Don't ask, don't tell policy as the US Armed Forces, "...prohibition of known or avowed homosexuals as leaders (both youths and adults), youths who refuse to affirm a "duty to God",". Thus your argument is baseless.
  • The First Amendment only applies to the Federal government. "Congress shall make no law..." Similar restrictions apply to the states through the Fourteenth Amendment. As for the UN declaration, it is only "binding" on those governments that are members of the UN, not the citizens of those governments. Even then, it's not binding in that there is no legal recourse for failure to comply (although there certainly can be disastrous political and international relations fallout). Peyna 16:38, 26 October 2005 (UTC)
    • The citizens are binded to the Law (refer above), indirectly through acts of Congress and the Executive (whom are responsible to uphold the Constitution). This includes for the United States and the legislative and executive branch of all nations that are signitories of the UN Charter.
      • Not wishing to prolong this obvious troll of a discussion any further, I suggest you actually spend some time learning how International Law and the United States Constitution work before suggesting that I (a private citizen) can violate your right to freedom of speech. Peyna 13:07, 27 October 2005 (UTC)
• Delete this foolish attempt to mirror the fabled global success of Jagism. - Just zis Guy, you know? 13:29, 26 October 2005 (UTC)

from "Suzanne Farrell"

The following images supposed to be of American ballerina Suzanne Farrell, and by her.

and

File:Suze art.JPG.

I have no idea why.

From Chocolate bar and the moon

The Moon and the Chocolate Bar

Once upon a time there was a moon who got angry at a chocolate bar. But this chocolate bar, whose name was Fred, got angry back so it was all even. But the moon got angry a second time therefore it wasn’t even anymore. So Fred got an idea, a great idea. He said, “I know! I’ll get angry at him and it will all be even again. So one day Fred got his opportunity that he had been waiting for, for centuries, when he saw his worst enemy, the moon, letting people land on him. So Fred got really angry again because, he knew that people eat chocolate bars, therefore they are bad guys. It was so much more fun getting angry this time, because, of course he had a reason. So this time the chocolate bar ran right over to the moon and slapped the moon really hard. The moon winced and started crying so hard that all the people had to run away. The chocolate bar was really happy to get rid of all the people that it started to jump up and down. But then he saw that when the people all got back into their spaceship to run away, they all started eating chocolate bars. The chocolate bar was angry ever since and the moon never got back at him.

The moral: Anger backfires. THE END

Medullary collecting duct

This is a wicked hot system where several nephrons dump off their shizzle after osmoregulation innit!

From Wikifool

A wikifool is someone who spends way too much time on this foolish website and should be out developing an actual social life. Maybe a girlfriend is in order for most of them to eat up all this free time that they seem to have to scrutinze every article that anyone makes.

Note: THIS TEXT WILL BE DELETED ALMOST IMMEDIATLY BY A WIKIFOOL

Note for the person who deletes this article: Congradulations! You are officially a wikifool! For your prize pick from the following: A. A Life, B. A Job, C. Actual Friends

Huxley Orbital Death Ray

The Huxley Orbital Death Ray is a project that was conceived shortly after nap time by infamous Supervillain Huxley cat. The project was started around February 29, 2000, and is currently still listed as "in progress."

Planning

The original idea for the death ray was conceived by Huxley one hot summer afternoon, following his usual 2pm nap. He immediately began drawing up rough plans for a death ray able to incinerate a small nation or large city. Within a week, Huxley was assembling a crack team of designers and builders to begin his project.

The Early Stages

By mid-April of that year, the engineering department, headed by Theodorius H. Druhim, began to draw up specifications within the framework of what Huxley had envisioned. During the course of the following year, not only a massive orbital incinerator was designed, but so was an extremely complex construction, logistics, and personell system. With an eye for detail, Huxley personally started assembling a preliminary build team.

The Facilities Come Together

The date July 9, 2001 was a big day for the project, as this was the combined groundbreaking and spacebreaking for the facilities needed for building this massive weapon. With thousands on hand, Huxley made his personal assistant begin the groundbreaking process. Within a month, the entire operation was in full swing, as everything was built, from housing for the workers and their families, to the various factories and fabrication plants needed to provide raw materials and parts.

September 11 and Aftermath

The facilities program came to a halt on September 11, 2001, due to the World Trade Center attacks. In the wake of this incident, the United States government began to crack down on any and all terroristic activities. Due to this, the ground support facilities for this project came under increasing governmental scrutiny. A whorde of regulators and investigators decended upon this project, intent on scrutinizing every plan for illegal activities. Huxley, ever quick to react, diffused the situation by including a small American flag in the designs. This would be a sign of things to come.

Building the Weapon

On November 10, 2003, after over 2 years of hard work, the facilities for the Death Ray were completed. The fact that the completion came 4 months at $2.6 Billion over budget was a sign that the project had been sidetracked irreparably. Still, the combined ground and space operations were able to begin on December 3, only 2 months behind schedule. This rush into the final build began to take its toll. The workers began to get disgruntled, and only 6 months into the build process, hostages had to be taken by Huxley. As of this date, the weapon is still under construction. There is no definite timeline on the probable ETA for weapon completion, but it should be noted that Huxley is "not happy."

Problems and Controversy

A number of issues have plagued this weapon since its inception. The largest issues have been primarily governmental, with the United State being the largest cause. A series of investigations by the FBI, FCC, FAA, FDA, and HUD led to massive delays during the facilities and weapon building programs. In addition, bad parts contributed to a high percentage of breakdowns in the various machine shops used for parts construction. An added detraction was the institution of Sales and HR departments to this project. The sales department has routinely changed the specifications for the weapon without notifying the design engineers, causing numberous incidents. One such incident ended with a hotel in Paris being leveled by a bomb. The Human Resources group was responsible for causing a revolution in the small South American nation of Guyana when it annonced that the corporation would be cutting health benefist significantly, to make up for being over budget. With worker unrest rampant, Huxley was forced to bring in large quantities of slaves, and to take hostages among the paid workers' families. This is a terrible situation all around, especially for me. He has my family. If I don't finish this, he'll have them incinerated. OH GOD WHY ME?! I SHOULD NEVER OF DONE CRAIG A FAVOR AND JOINED THE TEAM!

The Croatian Fighting Toad

Croatian fighting toads were first discovered in 1979, when a series of people were found unconscious with peculiar bruises on their body near the town of Hvar. With the absence of viable forensic equipment at the time, residents set up a watch to determine the identity of the attacker, whereupon they found that at dusk, if a person were to stray too close to the undergrowth, they would be set upon by a group of several small animals, which were later identified as Croatian Fighting Toads.

As there are no reports of such creatures in this or any other area prior to this event, it is presumed that the species is recently evolved. Others theorise as to the possibility that their development was affected by nuclear waste dumped in the area during the Cold War.

Croatian Fighting Toads are extremely aggressive amphibians, as the name would suggest and photographical records are difficult to obtain as they do not seem to have a fixed habitat.

From Talk:2005 Atlantic hurricane season

WINDS OF INCONCEIVABLY CATASTROPHIC HURRICANE GODZILLA REACH SUPERSONIC SPEED...HURRICANE HUNTER AIRCRAFT LOST AFTER REPORTING EXPLOSION OF DROPSONDE IN CENTRAL VACUUUM...PRESIDENT ORDERS EVACUATION OF CENTRAL AND EASTERN TIME ZONES...MOST OF FLORIDA WILL BE UNDERWATER BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS...IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD...THAT'S ALL FOLKS!

From Malm

    Alex Malm has had sex with Breanna Wolf. She is currently carrying his baby. This is how it happened.

    Breanna Wolf was a pretty girl with large breasts and a fine ass. She had always secretly
loved Alex Malm, a boy in her class

Dictators

Ørnulf Opstad is the dictator of Krakoxenostan, a small, 50.000-citizen country-within-a-country located in Lommedalen, Norway. He is known for banning public speaking on the subjects of cucumbers, free-range hens, cows and U.S. presidents wearing unusual hats.

From HANS device

The HANS device (Head, Anus, Neck and Shoulder device) is a safety item compulsory in many car racing sports. Primarily made of carbon-fibre, the device wraps around the racing helmet and sits on the shoulders, fixing the driver to the seat. A spur runs down the spine and hooks into the driver's anus to secure the device. This reduces the chances of head or neck injuries, particularly a Basal skull fracture, in the event of a crash.

Evil mathmo society

'No, no no, no no no, no Graham' - Mike Fletcher 'No don't touch me there' - Benedict Crampton

In the entire history of Cambrdige, there has never been nor will there ever be a society more evil than the unholy trinity that is the evil Mathmo Society.

Consisting of the dark master Bartek, his chief assassin Krishna and their ally Tom powell (not of the teapot variety), these three conspire to wreak havoc and destruction upon all in their path.

Their intentions remain unknown thusfar. Some say they intend to destroy the world. Others have suggested they only want a discount at Pizza Hut. There are unconfirmed rumours that they are trying to obtain free desserts at mealtime. Whatever they want, they have shown ruthlessness in achieving their ends.

Currently they are accused of the following felonies; murder, grand larceny, fraud, kidnapping of the Pembroke cat, stealing straws from McDonalds with the intention to destroy them, selling gowns illegally, Grand Theft Auto, perjury, assassinating JFK, and this is the list of confirmed crimes, corrupton of Adam and Eve.

An honourable mention goes to Angus who is being considered for membership in this elite sect.

Whoever tries to delete this page will be destroyed.

From Yu-Gi-Oh

Image:Yugiohmanga.jpg

France

"A deeply silly country full of cheese eating surrender monkeys."

From Bill Clinton

He likes to eat penis, yes, big floppy donkey dick. Also, likes to cheat on his ugly ass wife Hilary Clinton, I don't blame him. Besides the point, he is a no good loser and should be shot, thank you and goodnight!

Cheesus

Cheesus

Cheesus was a great warrior that lived from 1001 AC - 1089 AC. He was the dairy products representitive and spoke for all the dairy products living in the human world. He began his own organisation in 1018 AC and named it 'DPFL' (Dairy products for life). The aim of DPFL was to gain respect from the humans who didnt like dairy products and in 1056 AC he won the battle of the dairy vs anti-dairy human's. As he slayed the last human with his amazing butter knife, he struck the ground with his butter knife. That butter knife still stands in the ground to this day, and every year dairy products gather around this point to remember his great efforts and everything he has done for the dairy products. On August 1st 1089 AC, cheesus passed away. His death was caused by blue mould growing inside him and there was nothing any dairy doctor could do. Cheesus exists today only as a spirit that smells like mouldy cheese that gets carried in the wind all accross the world and when people smell it they say, 'ohhhh poo that smells bad aye'.

From Chickpea Surprise

A Chickpea Surprise is a Nonsense term designed to confuse visitors to Wikipedia who were expecting a definition of a Sexual slang term, typically involving Defecation.

The phrase was coined in October, 2005 in a semi-private forum area of a popular website, where references to Cleveland steamers, Upper deckers, and the Dirty Sanchez were being discussed, much to the Amusement of some, and Disgust of others. Chickpea Surprise was a supposedly part of a meal eaten at an Indian buffet by one of the denizens of the forum, and the presumption is that the gastric distress caused by the dish would produce material similar to the terms mentioned above.

From The Flying Nun

The show ended when Sister Bertrille became airborne for the last time. It ended with her flying ability used to convert a pair of teenage boys who were in the midst of vandalizing a brick road with Yellow Spray Paint only to be sucked into a Dust Devil. It is not known exactly WHERE Sister Bertrille landed. A likely theory to her mysterious disappearence is attributed to an airplane seen near the end of the show. Another theroy compares her to Mary Poppins and some believe that she crashed and burned just like Mary Poppins did on that unfortunate days. A mysterious flying person was spotted attempting to grab the Empire State Building in the mid 1980's. There is, however, no confirmed proof that it was Sister Bertrille.

Patrick "Cap'n" Sullivan

Patrick Sullivan was born as the son of a Guatemalan eskimo. He began to learn the sacred art of druming from the age on three months, and since then has become one of the most infamous drummers this world has ever seen. he receieved influence from such bands as Marylon Manson, Iggy Pop, the Who and N-Sync. his claim to fame was his questionable drumming technique of using newborn babies as drumsticks. unfortunately, due to the lack of body armour used, his performances could only last up to 7 minutes. this caused much controversy after charging $750 per ticket claiming the act would last three days non-stop. his proffessional career was short-lived, after one such performance in Mexico when the audience broke out into riot demanding they get their money back as well as a large platter of tomalies. Sullivan was excecuted in 2003 under US law of being a tool. co-incedently their existing president is currently facing the same charges.

Wikiproject:Hot Chicks

Image:Beach Towel (occupied).jpg"]] ]] man might have been a hot chick in a former life]] Some Wikipedians have formed a project with the goal of inserting on topic images of hot chicks into articles. This page and its subpages contain their suggestions; it is hoped that this project will help to focus the efforts of other Wikipedians. If you would like to help, please inquire on the talk page and see the to-do list there.

For more information on WikiProjects, please see Wikipedia:WikiProjects and Wikipedia:WikiProject best practices.

Title

WikiProject on hot chicks

Participants

• User:Ævar Arnfjörð Bjarmason/Sig 02:35, 26 October 2005 (UTC)
• --Friðrik Bragi Dýrfjörð 12:19, 26 October 2005 (UTC)

Articles that include hot chicks

• Bikini
• Bondage (BDSM)
• Towel
• Playmate
• Chicken

User galleries

• De:Benutzer:Raymond/Fotos/Menschen

Is hilary duff's childness OVER!!!!?

La Lopez and Marc Anthoy havind a d-vorce?

P. Diddy is freaken jealous of La lopez with anthony!! "Why duid lopez have to marry anthony?" saids Diddy at Oprah Winfrey. "Huh we aren't divorced okay, i love him!!" saids J-lo. Jennifer rolled her eyes at Diddy. "why do da eyes go to me?" askes Diddy. "Well diddy, why did you, you know start this absoutley untrue rumor. Here don't say it to me.. but say it to the people!!!" saids Winfrey. Marc holds J'lo's hand and kisses her. "Thanks!" saids lopez to anthony. Well lets fizx this problem, you made the rumor because....?, you wanted me and my wife to break up?" explains marc. 'fine ya"ll got me!" admits diddy. "You know what?, go to He**!" yells j-lo at diddy.

From Typophiles

What an elaborate hoax...

---

The Democratic Republic of Typophiles is a huge, economically powerful nation on the political simulation game Jennifer Government: NationStates, remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, although this is soon to change. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, intelligent population of 3.83 billion hold their civil and political rights very dear.

There is no government in the normal sense of the word; however, a small group of community-minded, liberal individuals juggles the competing demands of Education, Social Welfare, Transportation, and Healthcare. Income tax is unheard of. A healthy private sector is dominated by the Book Publishing industry.

Typophiles's national animal is the font designer, which thrives in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the font. o

History

Early History

Typophiles was founded by French explorers around 1603, and it was called La Republique du Typophiles. A small settlement was established at what is today Arial, on the southern coast. The settlement, known as Roissy-Sud, had about 850,000 people by 1650. By this time, settlers from England and Germany soon followed. The Germans established a small colony called Schriftbild on the northern coast around 1648, and the English founded a colony on the western coast a year later. The Portuguese followed later, around 1698, and their setttlement on the eastern coast was called Nuevo Bilbão.

For the next twenty years, the settlements remained, on the whole, coastal. But around 1724, a group of French explorers left Roissy-Sud for the center of the island. There they founded a small settlement that they called Garamonde. This new town flourished, and the French quickly became the dominant group on the island. However, the English had built their settlement, Palatino, into a powerful one, and their military rivaled and sometimes excelled the one of the French. So in November 1768, the English marched east to Garamonde and laid siege to the town. The French were resilient, however, and used undeground tunnels and passageways to keep supplies flowing in. However, after three months, the English discovered these tunnels and sealed them off, and the French crumbled soon after. The English moved in, renaming it 'Garamond', and signed the Treaty of Hoefler in March 1769. The treaty dictated that the English and the French would no longer fight; that the English would occupy Garamond and Palatino, and that the French would occupy Arial. This was about the time that the dominant language in Typophiles changed from French to English.

Recent History

After the August 2005 election of the ruling LDP party, Prime MInister Edwin McDowell kept his election promises. In mid-october he enacted legislation that revamped the domestic army and police, enforced curfews on youth, and made uniforms in school mandatory. Crime dropped a staggering 20% nationwide one week after the legislation passed in Parliament. Some citizens were disgruntled, having been used to having the most politically free atmosphere in FAN, and they formed the TCR party: Typophileans for Civil Rights. However, a recent poll indicated that 79% of Typophileans were pleased with the new legislation, so the TCR party is not seen as much of a threat to the ruling LDP party. Crime in Typophiles is still a problem, and the civil rights and freedoms are still among the top 5 in FAN.

The Gevon Crisis

In early October 2005, Typophiles controlled half of the tiny nation of Gevon. The Caldari State controlled the other half. But by this time, Yakiva Tovia-Toba, Caldarian President, wanted Typophiles' half. He stepped up security on his side of the border and moved troops and equipment there. This is a timeline of what happened:

Tuesday, October 4: Typophilean Prime Minister Edwin McDowell receives intelligence reports from the EI-7 that Yakiva Tovia-Toba is planning to invade the Typophilean half of Gevon.

Wednesday, October 5: McDowell announces increased security along the border and moves ships, aircraft, and ICBMs within range of Caldarian half of Gevon. McDowell also welcomes Caldarian defectors, saying they "will be welcomed with open arms". Caldari Ministry of War deploys along the netural zone the same day as Typophilean forces arrive in Gevon.

Thursday, October 6: The crisis continues to escalate, and at 6AM, McDowell orders a complete naval and air blockade of the Caldarian half, preventing Caldarian military units from entering or exiting Gevon airspace or waters. He also gives the Caldari State 48 hours to back down or face a full nuclear attack. Twelve hours later, Tovia-Toba orders a naval blockade of his own. Typophilean ships, upstanding the original blockade order, destroy seven Caldarian ships that tried to establish their own blockade. McDowell also orders 90,000 additional troops to patrol the border, bringing the total number of Typophilean troops to 100,000. He also orders 1000 ICBMs to be pointed at the Caldarian half. McDowell also encourages Gevonians in Caldari territory to not give up hope: "The forces of freedom and liberty will always triumph over the opressive forces." Meanwhile, Tovia-Toba reinforced his military bases but at the same time evacuated non-essential military units. Tovia-Toba also said that any attack on Caldari holdings in Gevon or anywhere else would be regarded as an act of war. He finished by stating: "The doomsday clock is ticking."

Friday, October 7: Tovia-Toba denies claims by McDowell that Typophiles won half of Gevon in a military victory. McDowell retorts by saying: "Then how the hell did we gain it?" Tovia-Toba also blasts McDowell for the massive troop and missile deployment, saying, "We shall not fire the first shot of this unneeded war, but we will finish it if it happens." To this, McDowell responded by saying that the Typophilean Army had defeated the Caldari before and could do so again.

Saturday, October 8: In a letter to McDowell, Velenorian head of state James K Rivera blasts the Typophilean Prime Minister and Tovia-Toba, saying "Both of your nations as major regional powers should set a better example for the rest of the region. I hereby must request that you and the Caldari stand down all Military operations in the contested Gevonian territories." Rivera also proposed a tribunal to decide the Gevon affair, and announced the severing of all trade ties between his nation and the two other nations. McDowell defended his actions, and the actions of his rival, saying that "James K. Rivera does not have the right to broker a peace treaty or a tribunal between us and the Caldarians. With all due respect, Mr Rivera, you do cannot tell myself and Yakiva Tovia-Toba what to do. You certainly can have your own opinion, and we will consider it." He also stated that "we are not at war, we do not plan to go to war, and if relations did deteriorate to the point where war did occur, it would NOT involve and/or harm other nations".

Monday, October 10: Officials from both the Caldari State and Typophiles meet in Garamond to discuss the establishment of a Neutrality Pact over the disputed territory.

Tuesday, October 11: Officials conclude talks and signed the Caldarian-Typophilean New Gevon Pact, and over the next two weeks revert the agreed territory over the the Typophilean Republic. Under the terms of the pact, Typophiles got 1/3 of Caldari's territory. As of now, Typophiles now controls two-thirds of Gevon.

On October 14, 2005, Prime Minister McDowell became the target of an asassination attempt in Garamond. Although he was not killed, he was critically injured. President Veronica Corningstone was sworn in as Acting Prime Minister and vowed in a televised speech to the nation to crack down those who were involved. On October 15, the Caldari State accidentally admitted to the attempt, in response to the Gevon Crisis, but then tried to cover it up later. Corningstone vowed to hunt down those responsible. McDowell has since returned to full health and has resumed the title of Prime Minister, but has promised to contact the Caldari State for payment for damages.

Geography

Climate

Located in the central part of the Federation of Allied Nations, Typophiles is an island with varied climate.

• Central area: Warm to hot summers with cool to cold winters.
• Northern area: Warm summers with cold to freezing winters.
• Eastern area: Hot summers with cool winters.
• Western area: Warm to hot summers with cool winters.
• Southern area: Hot summers with warm winters.

Garamond	July High: 94°F July Low: 65°F January High: 61°F January Low: 15°F Precipitation: 514mm	Arial	July High: 110°F July Low: 79°F January High: 72°F January Low: 49°F Precipitation: 910mm
Helvetica	July High: 98°F July Low: 73°F January High: 68.3°F January Low: 35.0°F Precipitation: 412mm	Mittelschift	July High: 85°F July Low: 58°F January High: 48°F January Low: -15°F Precipitation: 316mm

Extreme elevations

• Lowest point: Salinas Valley, -202 ft
• Highest point: Mt. Hoefler, 19,593 ft

The island of Typophiles is located approximately 70 miles south of Velenora, 800 miles west of Maraudersoft, 850 miles south of New Caldari, and 120 miles north of Cramsfordd. The climate is quite varied. The southern region is usually warmer and balmy. The eastern and western sides are both cooler, but the eastern side is more humid than the western. As for the northern side, it is cooler than the rest of the island.

Protectorates of the Typophilean Empire

San Theodoria

In February 1799, Spanish sailors discovered an island 55 miles off the east coast that they soon christened San Theodoria. San Theodoria thrived on many plantations, some of which were rubber, tobacco, and banana. Relations with the Portuguese on the eastern coast were for the most part friendly. Very recently, on August 10, 2005, the territory officially became a part of Typophiles. Its capital and largest city is Los Dopicos, but it is rivalled in size by number-two Sanfancion. San Theodoria is renowned for its tropical climate and is a very popular tourist destination during the winter months.

Industrial Islands

This protectorate has the best economy in the Federation of Allied Nations

Official languages

The five official languages of Typophiles are English (50%), French (30%), German (10%), and Portuguese (10%). Spanish is an official language but is only widely spoken on the island of San Theodoria, where it is the official language.

Region

Typophiles is one of the founding members of the Federation of Allied Nations, which was founded in early April 2005. Until August 2005, it was the UN Delegate, but illegal action on behalf of the nation of Cramsfordd caused a misunderstanding with the admin and UN membership was unfairly revoked. Appeals did not help, and Typophiles was brusqely brushed off by the moderator.

Political parties

In Typophiles, there are numerous political parties, but like the United States, only two are relevant in the national elections. These are: the Liberal Democratic Party (LDP), and the Conservative Miltarist Party (CMP). In 2000, the LDP candidate for Prime Minister, Edwin McDowell, defeated his opponents to win the national election. His running mate for President, Veronica Corningstone, became the first woman to hold the President's office. They took a rather extreme view towards politics, abolishing many laws on the books. Police and military funding was reduced to almost zero. Although some citizens were happy because of the much reduced tax rate, most were disgruntled at higher crime and local political corruption. The crime and corruption also had a detrimental effect on the economy, which suffered throughout 2003. However, by 2004 the crime rate had escalated to such great heights that gun battles often occured in the streets in broad daylight, and the military was in such a state of disrepair that the country was viewed by others as an easy target for invasion. Although McDowell and Corningstone were still somewhat popular, the LDP's standing among the public deteriorated rapidly in late 2004, and McDowell pledged that in the 2005 elections, he and Corningstone would make their agenda more conservative. This promise, along with the LDP slogan 'A New Typophiles', worked, and in August 2005 the LDP candidates were elected by a landslide 79 percent.

Major industries

Broadcasting

Image:Tbclogo.jpg.jpg The state-run Typophiles Broadcasting Service (TBC) is, for now, the sole provider of television and radio services. TBC-TV operates on many channels: TBC+1 through TBC+7 are nationwide, while TBC+8 through TBC+14 are channels for individual cities. The TBC also broadcasts its Galactic Service radio program, once in the morning, and once at night. This program, hosted by Rebecca Waterman in the mornings, Tomas Jungren in the afternoons and Bob Goulet (no relation to the actor) at night, TBC's Galactic Service is the highest rated news show in the Federation of Allied Nations, consistently beating number-two New Caldari HoloNet and number-three Bellanian World Action News (WAN). There is speculation that the government might privatise TBC, but those plans have not reached fruition as of yet.

Air service

As of now, only two airlines serve Typophiles: Typair, the government-owned flagship carrier, operates a fleet of Boeing 737, 767, and 777 aircraft from its hub in Garamond. Recently a private airline, AirTypo, launched services from Arial with Boeing 737 aircraft.

Sweetened vinegar

Naturally brewed from white rice wine and herbs including gingr, cloves and other spices, this is the core ingredient to the traditional postnatal health and celebratory disk of Port Knuckles and Ginger Stew.

A Fortifying confinement dish

After giving birth, the new mother is expected to observe a 40-day period of confinement to recuperate from the fatigue of pregnancy. To help the new mother recover her strength, she is fed the calcium and protein-rich dish of Pork Knuckles & Ginger Stew. Each ingredient is a key component of this stew's fortifying properties (and it tastes great too!):

The vinegar dissolves some calcium from the bones in the pork knuckles, easing absorption into the body.

The unsweetened vinegar dilutes the thick stew, and also plays an important role in stimulating liver and gall bladder functions, and blood circulation. The liver produces bile, which is stored and released by the gall bladder to digest oil and fat.

Herbs and spices present in the vinegar contain phyto nutrients, which chemicals research has shown to be anti-oxidents and are essential for reducing the risk of cancer and heart illnesses.

Ginger has many medicinal properties. Not only is it an aid to digestion, it contains high levels of vitamin C, is widely acknowledged to have a calming effect, and is said to expel the "wind" that normally builds up at childbirth.

Eggs are full of protein.

Sugars, which are present in the form of glucose and fructose, replenish energy.

For generations, Chinese families have also distributed this dish to family and friends to announce the joyous arrival of the newborn 12 days after the baby's birth. When the infant is one month old, the family invites relatives and friends to partake of his "one month celebration" - there is a sumptuous feast (which, of course, includes Pork Knuckles & Ginger Stew) and everyone gets to see the baby.

From Columbia Pictures Slogans

1924; "This Woman's Pretty"

1936: "Home Of the Woman"

1976: "You Were Here"

1980: "Rush to the Woman"

1981: "I Love Annette Benning"

1982: "Where We Look Right By"

1990: "That's Annette"

1993: "We're with Annette"

1994: "Pretty Annette"

1995: "Annette's Pretty Today"

1997: "Still Ours"

2005: "The Films that Start"

Gaybob Addictpants

We know Spongbob is a controversial character to Christian Fundamentalists, but look at this.

Spongebob is a very controversial character indeed. Many of the episodes of the show Nickelodean decided were too controversial. For instance the unaired fifth season was composed entirely of an LSD flashback that Spongebob had. It is a little known fact that Spongebob faced a difficult struggle trying to kick in the early 80s. At one point he was so doped that he murdered his own father and has since struggled with the guilt of his crime. He was able to cope with his homosexuality, however, his friend Patrick did yet feel the same way. Patrick was so confused he actually though he was in love with Sandy! Spongebob, however did find love, and was able to kick his drug addiction. When his lover died of AIDs, he went again into a rapid downward spiral, this time with alcohol. In the early 90s, Patrick was finally able to admit his true feelings for Spongebob. He was successful in getting Spongebob to rehab and helping him kick his bad habits. At the end of the fifth season, the show switches back to the present. Spongebob and Patrick finally make their relationship public, get married in Massachusetts because of the new gay marriage laws, and move in the pineapple together. The wedding episode is very touching and has an amusing guest appearance made by Nathan Lane, the voice of Timon from The Lion King trilogy.

Gay seahorses

Gay Seahorses: What is the Best Defence Against Them?

Introduction

Gay Seahorses, or Firstnameus Surnameus as they are commonly referred to, are gay. They are also sea horses. Not actual horses that like taking baths, but seahorses that live in the sea. Hence the name: seahorse. Its not latin, so learn how to say it and shut up.

What is the best defence?

For years people have searched for the best defence against the audacious, ferocious, and ultimately terrifying gay seahorse. many lives have been lost in the ultimate sacrifice, fighting the evil that lives beneath our shores. But now, thankfully, with the new Geoffus Protector 9000, there is hope for mankind.

The Firstnameus Protector 9000 is in stores nationally, for the hefty, yet ultimately worthwhile price of a human pelvis. Not just any pelvis. A human pelvis.

Jailery

A fake word. It doesn't exist.

From Bluff

• Bluff (blufileus mustelidae) is a mammal which inhabits the moist regions of Canadian peninsula. It is the only egg hatching mammal. Bluff could be described as furry weasel with a worm like appearance. Bluff is a popular pet among inuits. Its joyful, but playful, character can often cause problems with other animals. Bluff is well-known for its tendency to steal other animals eggs (also known as balls). That often causes irritation among those animals.

Beerdick

State of sexual overexcitement experienced by male persons after intensive alcohol consumption. Persons experiencing Beerdick tend to have sex under any circumstances and with any female object in reach.

Qwsazxdfeggjhhi

Is a word i made up which means when you are ill say Qwsazxdfeggjhhi and people will say he didnt know what to say and he said anything that came into his mind. --212.225.61.193 21:39, 31 October 2005 (UTC)

From List of haunted locations

• Franklin Castle - Mansion in Cleveland, Ohio. This one is commonly thought to be a favorite of Wine-os, as those are the most likely ghosts in there.

From Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

They also live next to Carl Johnson.

From Police officer

A police officer typically wears a police suit, which consists of a bulletproof vest.

Apparently, pants are optional.

Whee kitties

kitties are fun. they're all cuddly and stuff. they usually look cute, but they make bodily waste too, which is gross. but generally they're cute.

From: Kemnay

Kemnay is a village 16 miles west of Aberdeen in Scotland. It has a population of 6000. Although only 2 pubs remain, there is still a thriving cheap cider and voddie 'society' of major boons hanging outside the chippie. The legend of the Boogieman at the quarry still lives strong and no matter what the auld wifies in Bremner Way say-you MUST swim at the Big Stane on the Don, and it IS ok to leave the house.

Melbourne cup

This was added to the 2005 Melbourne Cup, Australias most popular horse race about 10 minutes after the race finished: (I cut out the serious parts of the table)

Number	Finishing position
1	1st
2	Exploded
3	Fell over
4	Caught Fire
5	Ran away with circus
6	Ran backwards
7	Died of consumption
8	3rd
9	Stopped to take photos
10	Ate the horse below
11	Was eaten by the horse above
12	Jumped fence and couldn't find way back in
13	Refused to enter starting gates
14	Tried to ride its jockey
15	Pined for the fjords
16	2nd
17	Had to much champagne
18	Got lost
19	Didn't actually exist
20	Fell off the edge of the world
21	Was nailed down
22	Floated away
23	Hooves fell off
24	Was pulled apart by souvenier collectors

An edit to Global domination

• Wikimedia Foundation -Secret Society that seeks to control all the worlds non-copyrighted information

Gay cowboys

Often the subject of independent films, gay cowboys are best known (apart from the usual cowboy-type things) for their enjoyment of both pudding and penis. They can often be found sodomizing each other (and various livestock), whilst taking breaks to enjoy a hot, steaming bowl of pudding. They are most often found in the back alleys of Hollywood and Los Angeles, and anywhere in San Fransisco. In rencent years, the cowboy profession has proven to not be as profitable as it once was, and they have taken to the salons, to become hairdressers and style consultants. Distinguishing characteristics include tight clothing, styled hair, and a general appearance of good hygeine.

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LINKS:
Pudding
Cowboys

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