Honey, I Shrunk the Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense

This page is originally from Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense and is licensed under GFDL.

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If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at 67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!

The title of this one is a reference to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

This page is full. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, 67 Deletion Summer of Love.

From Wikipedia:Votes for deletion/List of similarities between Canada and New Zealand

• Delete per apples and oranges. Radiant_* 10:46, Apr 25, 2005 (UTC)
  • If this article survives the VfD, I think I'll write a List of similarities between apples and oranges just to demonstrate what a horrible precendent has been set. "Apples and oranges have both been bred for mass marketing purposes..." ---Isaac R 16:56, 25 Apr 2005 (UTC)

From User:Tony Jin/Humerus Jokes

See this. (still under construction)

Tutti Frutti (song)

The way the lyrics to this song appear in The Little Richard Story (2001?), starring Leon (who also played David Ruffin in The Temptations Story (1998), are, "Tutti frutti, good booty." These were the lyrics I had in mind when I shook Little Richard's hand after a 2003 show and told him that I loved the original lyrics since they rang so true. I was meaning to indicate that they just made sense out of the high energy of the song: it was sexual energy. I was not trying to say he still came across as so very gay, which he did, but that was beside the point.

He looked a little surprised and a little embarassed when I said that, so I moved on to telling him how much I would love to see him tour with Fats Domino and Chuck Berry. Still a good encounter, but I hope I did not make him too uncomfortable, as he is a very good entertainer and a really good man.

Metal gearios

Metal gearios It's the new cereal from the creator of Metal Gear Solid, Hideo Kojima, and General Mills! Cereal pieces are shaped like Metal Gear Rex�, Metal Gear Ray�, and for a limited time the Shagohod�! Each bite is chock full of snakes and other animal pieces as featured in Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater! But be careful, each box has the capability to launch undetectable ICBMs from anywhere on the face of the planet! Each box contains a single-action Colt Army for the adults and bullets to put between their fingers for the kids! Also a how-to book for infiltrating impossible to infiltrate buildings! Try not to pee your pants!

• added to BJAODN by --Goldom 04:00, 26 Apr 2005 (UTC)
• not removed from not BJAODN by Frenchman113 16:05, 26 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Eel Story

Something I rescued from the Eel Story article (which for some reason had taken all of the Eel material):

One nice eel story claims that both eel families once upon a time lived on the peaceful shores of Atlantis, and even as seafloor spreading pushed the Americas westwards, the eels gathered each year in Atlantis for some joint fun. Over many, many years each spring they improved their travelling and navigation skills, allowing them to compensate for the great distances they had to travel for the reunion.

Today they still meet each year in Atlantis to compare notes and to make jokes about that species of Homo sapiens, which pollutes their rivers and migration routes. In fact, in the eel language, Homo sapiens have been dubbed Homo leptocephalus.

From Totteridge

Totteridge is an independant monarchy within the United Kingdom, with John Murphy as the head of state. It is the smallest Monarchy in the world and is smaller than the Vatican. In Totteridge Drugs, prostitution and murder is legal.

From Haberdashers' Aske's Boys' School

I pwnz0r j00 4ll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [...] !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (kal st john) Note that the exclamation points continued for pages.

This was reverted with the following comment: Reverting again by the same person. I've told them not to but they continue regardless. Maybe violence (or lunch) might stop him.

NB: I was the one that did the revert - Lunch did stop the person long enough for them to put it on BJAODN themselves :-) cap601 17:24, 26 Apr 2005 (UTC)

From: Imminent threat

starts off ok, then, well... Grutness|^hello? 03:59, 27 Apr 2005 (UTC)

The standard criteria in international law, developed by Daniel Webster, for an "imminent threat", is when the need for action is "instant, overwhelming, and leaving no choice of means, and no moment for deliberation." In such a case, he argued, the use of force in self-defense is justified.

According to American and British political theory, imminent threat is when a Middle Eastern leader might, if he felt like it, start a process whereby in ten or fifteen years - with a tailwind, and if he's still in power - be able to launch a minor assault on American or British interests. It also describes the imminent threat of electoral defeat of an American president or British Prime Minister unless he manages to invoke a national panic about such a Middle Eastern leader (this is a guaranteed election winner).

From Neighbours

2005 - New character Andy Small weds Lynn Scully and fathers her 5th child.

2005 - Andy Small kills Paul Robinson and has an affair with Izzy. He later goes on to kill Izzy too.

From Color blindness

A easy way to test for color blindness is to stick ur finger up ur nose and hold ur leg up while singing the national anthem.

From Talk:Janet Reno

from the mind of 66.169.98.173; its only contribution

" Janet Reno is known to have possesed the largest collection of antique strap on dildos of all Attorney Generals except for John Ashcroft."

From Pia Zadora

Such was Pia Zadora's reputation as an actress, the urban legend grew that, whilst playing the part of Anne Frank in the play of the eponymous heroine's life, at the point at which a Nazi soldier kicked the door down and shouted at the occupants, "Where is she? Where is Anne Frank?!!" The audience, as one, replied, "She's in the attic!"

Regrettably, there is no truth in this.

From Talk:Steven Gerrard

gerrard is sexy fit and i love him alot i wake up every morning thinking how unluky i am dat i dnt him yea ive never met him but he'll always be in my heart i love him and there isnt one day that goes past that i don't think about him i love him soo muchy its unbelivable i never miss a england or liverpool match because i just love to see him (evan though i support manu) i always watch gerrard and i'll love him till my death!!!!

Someone is a little obsessed...

From University Challenge

In 2005 it was announced that Paxman would be stepping down at the end of the current season, to be replaced by MC Harvey (of So Solid Crew fame), leading to accusations of dumbing-down.

From This sentence is false

This article is wrong.

From Wikipedia:Ignore all rules

Revision as of 00:32, Apr 13, 2005:

Surely I can't be banned for "vandalism" on this page!

He was.

From Punk metrics

Punk metrics (PM) is a system of mesure used by anti-athroitarian radicals to subvert the capitalist imperial system.

Quantity

1 assload (asS) - 10 assloads = 1 shitton (shT) - 10 shittons = 1 fuckload (fuK)

Volume

milipissbucket (mP) - centipissbucket (cP) - pissbucket (P) - decapissbucket (dP) - kilopissbucket (kP)

a milipissbucket is defined as 1 ass-end, and a centipissbucket is 22 fluid ounces

Pressure

10 Norris = 1 Stampers, 10 Stanpers = 1 Ramsey, 10 Ramseys = 1 Timmony, 10 Timmonys = 1 Rizzo

1 Rizzo is defined as the tire pressure of a road bicycle, 1 Rizzo is the tire pressure of a cuiser or 10 speed bicycle, 1 Timmony is the tire pressure of a mountian bicycle

Length

milifuton (mF) - centifuton (cF) - futon (F) - decafuton (dF) - kilofuton (kF)

1mF^3 = 1 ass-end = 1mP

---

From Talk:Jennifer Wilbanks

In regards to the picture of runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks, which had been circulating through the news media in the days after her disappearance [1]:

Isn't there any picture of her where she isn't make goo-goo eyes? I have to sleep at night. -- Cecropia | explains it all � 00:11, 2 May 2005 (UTC)

She looks like Karen Carpenter on crystal meth, quite frankly. All the pictures in the Dateline special had those really creepy bug-eyes. That was the "best" one. Mike H 00:34, May 2, 2005 (UTC)

From 2175

The Year in which The Prime Minister of Japan will launch an attack on Neptune, stating that it gave him a "awkward glance".

From Timeline of Spanish History

Hello. This is the timeline that will become the El Cid timeline. Please go to the bathroom if you have any questions. Or else I shall be forced to chop of your head.

Time Cube

The former version

From Teletubbies Characters

"The Looker" (Al Frankleson): Male, human, watches from a hole in the wall, while breathing heavily. Favourite thing: Children. Often described as "creepy" and "just plain disturbing" by parents and children. "The Looker" was removed from the show after three episodes when, upon further review of an episode, was heard to be muttering swearwords and suggestive comments about Laa-Laa. — oo64eva (Alex) ^{(U | T | C)} @ 08:14, May 3, 2005 (UTC)

From Nick Denton

In addition to his various successful internet ventures, Denton is also known for his unusually large head.

From Thumb twiddling

This one can be seen only when editing the page:

[[wp:Category:Recreation]]<!-- or lack thereof :-) -->

From Trent Reznor

File:Trent-sm.jpg

Trent Reznor with Blue Steel pose

An amusing caption added by anonymous. Template:Clear

From Labour Party

The British Labour Pary are Liars and War Criminals. Get rid of them!!!

From "Celtic Rap-polka"

"Yo get a load of my anaconda its hungry so maul it while its wathin' TV Ya, Sniff some of that cheese, it smells like someone LET ONE RIIIIP!!!! My penguin's name is Bob and he's plenty flatulent while my llama mama wings the munky round and round the head but I could care less because the Caucasus eagle is eating Prommetheus's liver which probaly tastes NASTY!! Probably not as nasty as his gall bladder which smells just plain KATNIP LIKE. OH YO Comon all ye friends of the IRA! Come all ye citizens of ��rm�sken. Mamma's got lasagna in the oven, waiting for the garlic bread to kool down SoyawannasniffmeinKentuckynibblinonacheesesteakplentyrancid fullofmoldfesteringandgurglinlikemayothatewasleftoutinthesunalittlebittoolongthatsomebodydunkedinmoldytoiletwaterthathasdiahrefromOuagadougouthathasbeentherefor20yearsandhasbeensubsequentlyswallowedbyabeachedwhale. DIG IT ALL YE BAGPIPERS!!! KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY KATNIP IS YUMMY SIT ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!"

Miles Chaevsky

Miles Chaefsky is an extremely well known chocolate labrador retriever who has traveled through the jumgles of Madagascar, hiked to the top of Mount Everest, was accepted into the Kentucky Derbey, but was descovered to be a dog minutes before the race and was disqualified by a judge with six fingers on his left hand and a magnamous case of genital herpes and lastly in known for being the most ridiclously good looking dog on Earth. Yes, he was born with perfect bone structure. In his third year Miles was asked to be addressed as Charles Argyle, who in fact, was host to many credible parties where people such as Howard Hughes attended. Everything such as mail, phone messages, credit cards and other personal affects were changed to fulfill Miles every wish. Two weeks later Miles, or I should say Charles awoke from his bed and told his manservant Thomas (pronounced Toe-mahs) that if he should ever address him as Charles Argyle again Miles would dispose of Thomas' right testicle. Thomas being quite offended told Miles he quit and Miles then hired Jean-Henri who wrote on his resum� that he had served the king of France. Miles, knowing that a Monarch had not ruled France since the days of Louis the 16th disbanded Jean-Henri and found a midget with webbed feet by the name of Meryl who serves him to this day. After that Miles went on to travel to the Great Pyramids of Giza, invent an important laytex that will soon be in circulation in form of pregnancy precautionaries and the inner lining of a sneaker that will only be manufactured and produced in Mongolian slave camps, which, are known to hold the deaf, blind, mute and blacks.

From "Bong"

Since the bong is such a simple device it can be constructed out of nearly anything...chemistry beakers, snorkels, this shoe, and many other common items. [Emphasis added]

From Talk:Main Page

Einstein

Alot of people make fun of Albert Einstein and his hair and his nose But the truth is he was an amazing person so I love math and science (sometimes) we need to honor those who left something for us to learn about them.

people make fun of einstein? who's this? they should be shot. I agreed, he should be shot...

WEll of course, he was a genius. Without that man we woudnt be as far as we are today. Excelt for the oart about the bomb we coulda done without that, but he didnt actually make it so...well whatever

Inventor of the MicroDildo

"Nathan Himmerich b.October 3rd A genetic physicist involved in the creation of the DNA molecule strucural model. Now is living comfortably in Western Volusia County, Florida." and what followed changed to:

Nathan Himmerich b.October 3rd, 1883 A sex therapist involved in the creation of the of the first dildo. Now is living comfortably in Western Volusia County, Florida. Max Delbr�ck, Nikolai V. Timofeeff-Ressovsky, Nathan Himmerich and Karl G. Zimmer published results in 1935 suggesting that women you should also be able to get sexual pleasure even without their partners. The size of the dildo he created was made to immitate his penis when erected. The size of the dildo is an inch and a half long and half an inch wide. He and his team of researchers were awarded the noble sex prize two years after the dildo's creation. In 1943, Oswald Theodore Avery discovered that traits proper to the "smooth" form of the Pneumococcus could be transferred to the "rough" form of the same bacteria merely by making the killed "smooth" (S) form available to the live "rough" (R) form. He did this with the aid of the sex therapist Nathan Himmerich. Quite unexpectedly, the living R Pneumococcus bacteria were transformed into a new strain of the S form, and the transferred S characteristics turned out to be heritable. This study helped majorly in the discovery of the structure of the human penis.

Reported by WCFrancis 19:52, 6 May 2005 (UTC)

Life Imitates Art

From an earlier version of Warthog, imitating May 7th 2005's FoxTrot:

Warthog
Warthog
Template:Taxonomy
Template:Regnum: Animalia Template:Phylum: Chordata Template:Classis: Mammalia Template:Ordo: Artiodactyla Template:Familia: Suidae Template:Genus: Phacochoerus Template:Species: aethiopicus
Binomial name
Phacochoerus africanus (Pallas, 1766)

From Here

Noted performers who have covered "Here, There and Everywhere" include Emmylou Harris, Clay Aiken, and Céline Dion (for a George Martin/Beatles tribute album).

It was also my parents' wedding song.

From Talk:Everclear

hey-this everclear is great,my boyfriend and i use it to get drunk,obviously,anyways,it should be illegal because my little sister has gotten a hold on it and so have the rest of the kids in her grade,shes 13 years old,dont let them get a hold of it again!as for my boyfriend and i,we can do without if it means keeping the kids safe

From Blobject

Examples of blobjects Handspring Visor PDA >>>THIS IS NOT A BLOBJECT! The Handspring is not a blobject but a SQUIRCLE, a hybrid construction made from "square" and "circle!"

Why is that still in there? --Aurochs

It isn't cap601 18:21, 25 May 2005 (UTC)

Heh. Was yesterday. Nevermind, it's gone now. --Aurochs

From History of Japan: in depth

Japan is cool. It makes stuff. It is a good country.

Pfirpfel

e Pfirpfel is a invention of German M�ller Franz Herbert (1932-1933) who made one fruit out of two fruits.

Unfortunately all tries of commercializing the fruit failed, but there is still a "Pfirpfel" memorial

in Berlin next to the Brandenburger Tor.

1. j#a#f#e

From Darth Andeddu (now deleted)

In the far distant past, Darth Andeddu ate lots of cheese and the force was strong with him. his force power was the ability to move objects with his flatulence. One night when he was sleeping in his tent on Tattooine (the planet where tattooes were invented), his sleep-flatulence propelled him through the roof of his building, where he was approached by the Hutts. The learder of the Hutts was named Pizza, not to be confused with the Spaceballs character. Pizza the hutt offered to tell Darth Andeddu a great secret that could bring balance to his intestinal disorder. but Andeddu fired up his lightsaber to slice up all the hutts, and when he released his Force Flatulence, he burst everybody in the area into flames. Only Andeddu survived the ordeal. Grateful for his good luck he journeyed to Mos Eisley space port to charter a ship bound for the Giant Cheese God of Pepperjack VI.

From Talk:Goa

(Parody of article style)

New Amsterdam is the largest city in America. It was founded by the Dutch before the Americans invaded it. Today, New Amsterdam is called New York (by the Americans). It is divided into 5 provinces called boroughs (by the Americans). Because New Amsterdam is a very vertical city, it has lots of lifts, called elevators (by the Americans). The northernmost part of New Amsterdam is called Haarlem (called "Harlem" by the Americans). The city's tallest building is 200m tall (called feet by the Americans). The center of the city is called Manhattan. Outsiders are sometimes begrdgingly permitted in if traffic lets up. Because American parties like the Republican Party insist upon holding conventions in the city, New Amsterdamers are made to feel like outsiders within their own city. The Dutch dialect of New Amsterdamese (people take great offense if this is called New Amsterdamian because this term was invented by Zoroastrians from the Orian Nebula) is widely spoken in the city. Since the Americans forced the Dutch out, people have been forced to speak English instead. NA has a church called St. Paterique's (called St Patricks by the Americans). The city's biggest celebration is called the Macy's Parade, but Macy's is an artifical creation by the Americans and did not exist when the Dutch ruled New Amsterdam.

From Ninshitsu (now deleted)

Form of Ninjitsu that is used in the toilet.

Islamic Republic of America

The Islamic Republic of America, or IRA was formed on March 20, 2008 on the 5th anniversary of the 2003 invasion of Iraq. It is headed by president for life Osama bin Laden and vice-president Saddam Hussein, who won a general presidential election in November 2007.

bin Laden's rise to power was marked after the retirement of US president George Bush, who stepped down in 2007 due to prostate cancer.

After Bush stepped down, bin Laden re-emerged from hiding, and held a press conference in New York City to announce his candidacy of the 2007 presidential election. He also denied the charges of the September 11 terrorist attacks, citing his younger twin Posama bin Laden who caused the attacks.

bin Laden immediately formed the Ladenite Party, a party keen on restoring good relationships between Americans and Muslims, particularly those in the USA, Afganistan and Iraq. It also stressed values and principles of Islam, especially non-violence to achieve goals, and gathered force speedily, and had a membership of 99 million (as of 2007).

bin Laden won a landslide victory, against the incumbent vice-president Dick Cheney (Republican Party), Democratic Party candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton, and Green Party candidate Ralph Nader (later Darth Nader) by a margin of 30%. The Ladenite Party also secured a majority in the US Senate and US House of Representatives.

After his election, bin Laden proposed a constitutional change that would rename the United States of America the Islamic Republic of America and give it a new flag and motto ("in Allah we trust"), to be implemented on March 20, 2008, as remembrance of the 2003 invasion of Iraq. It granted continuation of the personal freedoms of its predecessor, but also with the rule of the Islam clergy alongside the president. Congress immediately passed it, albeit amendments to keep the two houses of Congress. A referendum was to be held on January 19 2008, on the eve of the inauguration of bin Laden as president. Despite opposition, such as the Taliban who are in league with Posama, employing terror tactics, the majority of the public voted overwhelmingly, with 75% in support in a 80 million voter turnout.

bin Laden was sworn in on January 20, 2008 amidst cheering crowds, but they were nothing compared to the swearing in of the President of the IRA and its birth on March 20. Over 100,000 people crowded in the capital Washington DC, and 95% of the population viewed it on television.

Since its formation, many governments have recognized the IRA, including Canada, China, Russia, and most countries of Europe, with the notable exception of the Holy See, which coincidentally also recognizes the Republic of China government on Taiwan as the legitimate government of China. The United Nations also passed a motion, allowing the IRA to join and replace the USA in the UN General Assembly and the UN Security Council.

See Also:

• Osama bin Laden
• United States of America
• Results of 2007 US Presidential Election
• Christian State of America
• Sikh Republic of America
• Democratic People's Republic of America

From Fat naked lady

- she is fat. she is naked, she is FAT NAKED LADY

Hilary Duff's Burkina Faso fans

Looks like there are some Hilary Duff fans in the West African nation of Burkina Faso:

Please Hilary Duff I beg you come to Burkina Faso we loves you all Burkina Faso wants you we cant leave without you. I have all your original CDs because I love Hilary Duff. All my friends loves you dont you understand that Burkina Faso is your big very very big fan Country all over the world just small country and so many fans you must come to see our beauty of Burkina Faso. What more to say that you have to come what ever you say

HILARY DUFF MUST COME TOO BURKINA FASO!!!

(we going to die for you)

A timeless epic of sausage and boars

Seamus Mitwurst, nee Schinkenwurst, was the progenitor of the Mitwurst clan of the middle forests of southern Bavaria. Seamus, son of Beamish, was born sometime between 1224 A.D. and 1227 A.D. He was originally of the Schinkenwurst clan, but married into the Mitwurst clan sometime around age 15. At the time of his betrothal he renounced his birthname to take on the surname of his new wife, Fettina. Though it is not widely recognized, the forest-people of southern Bavaria were, until the reign of Seamus, a matrilinial society, thus explaning why Seamus took the name of Fettina instead of vice versa.

Seamus' early years are shrouded in mystery. We do know that Beamish was married to Bettruna and made a handsome living as a medieval mycologist, thus ensuring that Seamus grew up lacking for none of the luxuries to be found in medieval villages. Apparently, however, Beamish�s skill as a mycologist was not absolute, as both he and Bettruna died from �en evylle stoole� shortly before Seamus� marriage. Beyond these minimal facts, nothing else is known of Seamus� childhood.

Seamus and Fettina are thought to have married in the spring of the year 1241. For two years, they lived quietly with Fettina�s parents, Gurharth and Gartrina. Gurharth taught Seamus the ancient art of Wurstmachen, or sausage-making, and the family was content. This peace, however, came to an end in the fall of 1243 when Boleslaw V the Chaste, the King of Poland, entered southern Bavaria on a boar hunting excursion.

Few animals are more majestic than the wild boar of southern Bavaria. Standing a good 3 feet at the shoulder with an aquiline snout and ferocious tusks, the wild boar presents a stunning image of natural strength and beauty. It also tastes quite good when prepared as ham and wurstchen. Because the wild boar of southern Bavaria is at its fattest and tastiest in the fall, Boleslaw the Chaste undertook a boar hunting trip into the wild woods sometime in fall of 1243.

As legend has it, Boleslaw took a small hunting party into the Bavarian hinterlands. He left his encampment early one morning to hunt for wild boar in one especially wild and verdant ravine. Armed with nothing but a 14 foot lance and a boar-pricker (a 12-inch steel blade with a blood groove or fuller), he plunged into the thicketed crevasse. In the early morning light, surrounded by foliage, Boleslaw had to hunt primarily by ear. Fortunately (or unfortunately in this case), the wild boar of southern Bavaria is not a silent beast. It�s favorite food is the Bavarian begrabentruffle, which grows between the exposed roots of the mighty larch. In hunting and digging for this tasty morsel, the wild boar can make a tremendous din. One eminent zoologist reports that the boar in mid-hunt sounds like �the 4:00 express to Newhampton colliding with a hot-air balloon.� Another is quoted as saying, �If I hadn�t known it was a truffle-hunting boar I was listening to, I�d have thought that someone had just dropped a trumpeting elephant from Parliament�s roof.� Needless to say, the wild boar of southern Bavaria makes quite a ruckus and this is what Boleslaw was listening for.

On that fateful morning, however, Gartrina had left the hovel early to pursue her �morning constitutional�. A grand feast of Gurharth�s best wurstchens and fricassee of asparagus the night before had left her feeling a bit pressured, and she walked down the family ravine to ease her suffering. The details are best left unreported, but Boleslaw was recorded later as saying �Ich neffer herde sych e puffinge und e brawying es thet morgen. Ich dacht es wert a fressing boare.� We can only assume this means that Boleslaw mistook Gartrina�s exertions for those of a feeding boar and, denied any other clue by the masses of vegetation, jabbed at her with his mighty lance. Gartrina�s howls woke both Gurharth and Seamus, and they found her slumped against a tree, pierced in her ample left buttock. Boleslaw the Chaste, under the impression that he had speared some screeching demon, fled back towards his camp. Gurharth and Seamus, pursued him, hitting him with rocks and sticks. At the camp, Boleslaw�s party drove Gurharth and Seamus away with a volley of arrows and then fled back through the Czech forests to Poland.

Gartrina survived for a week after the attack, but ultimately succumbed to �evyle vapers� resulting from her ignominious wound. Seamus, having now lost three of his four parents, swore revenge. He called a great meeting of the tribes of southern Bavaria and formed what has become known as the Wurstmachersmacht, or the Sausage Makers Army. This brave band of ragtag yeoman marched into Poland, laying waste wherever they went. For 5 long weeks, they sought the head of the unfortunate Boleslaw. Lacking good information, they could not know that he had retreated to his winter redoubt at Mzeracwzlawslaus. Empty-handed, running low on nourishing wurstchen and with winter fast-approaching, Seamus and his warriors returned to the forests of southern Bavaria.

Back at home, the tribes of southern Bavaria recognized that they had a great leader in Seamus and they named him to head their Great Council. From this position he established the first capitol of southern Bavaria, Gartrinaburg. Seamus also wrote the first great democratic charter in central Europe, the Wurstfrieden Beschaffenheit. For many years, peace and prosperity were the rule in the forests of southern Bavaria. Finally, at the ripe old, age of 42, Seamus passed into the annals of history, hopefully borne on the wafting scent of a roasting wurstchen.

From Pink salmon

Pink salmon are bright silver fish when they live in the ocean, their coloring changes to pale grey on the back with yellowish white belly when spawning. Most respond to the name "Salmy" when yelled through a long cardboard tube.

Moorpark

User: 69.172.250.254 wrote:

"At Chaparral Middle School, today(My 11,2005) two unnamed students with the initals of CMD and WJM discovered that there are only two people in Moorpark named Warren."

Dieter Goels and the New Situationist Movement

Along with Otto Jungt, a short series of articles added by a new user. The best bit:

Born is Dunkles Holz, Goels� early life was spent in the bucolic environs of his father�s successful fish ranch. A promising athlete as a youngster, Goels trained seriously at Das Institut der Beil�ufigen Athletik in Kleve. His sporting career ended abruptly when Goels was badly injured in a freak trampoline accident that left him with a slight limp and a pronounced lisp.

Uqbar,uqbar! This deserves archiving somewhere, and then should be VfD'd.

From You Only Live Once

So, if you only live once, you have to ask yourself;

"Do I want fries with that?"

Imagine getting to the end of your life and looking back on all the times you deprived yourself the crisp, golden-brown goodness of a side of french fries, in pursuit of some ephemeral goal like longer life or a smaller waist. Your life will end either way, be it of natural causes or a coronary, and your waist will inevitably begin to take on the signs of age, and all those years of low-fat yogurt and Pilates will seem futile.

Many years from now, when you're lying on your death bed, you will say wistfully to yourself:

"I DO want fries with that... I DO!"

But it will be too late.

So 'carpe diem,' seize the day! Say "yes" to french fries. After all, you only live once.

from Anti-Theta league

The Anti-Theta League (ATL) is the frontal organization dedicated to the destruction of the Greek variable Theta. All members have to vow an oath of alliance to never, in any case (even the BC Calculus exam), use the variable Theta and find better variables to overcome this obstacle. It was founded in 2003 by disgruntled high school students and has since become a massive multinational conglomerate organization.

History

The organization developed after certain students found that the variable Theta looks awfully like a zero and therefore has to be changed. In addition, the students came to engage in such activities as to count the number of times "Idear" was mentioned in Mrs. Flaherty's pre-calc class. Since they were massively bored during the insane simplicity of the class, something needed to be done. Thus the Anti-Theta League was founded to pass the time and raise all kinds of hell on all mathematics levels. Since then, many a shenanigan has been pulled, including a documentary video on one, Mr. Pellerin, a stunning Talent show rendition of "You Don't Love Me Anymore" by Weird Al Yankovic, and an in class birthday party for Mr. P.

the junkies mentioned above regarding 'history' is incorrect. as far as my intellectual mind goes...and since everybody agreed to me when i pointed to at this matter, hostory was a subject (or a book) which i studied in lower classes.it was mainly concentrated with the study of the past... whether it be a person, a place, a nation, or all at the same time. i found it to be extremely boring at times and had even gone mad in my dreams.

Members

The Anti-Theta League is very diverse and is represented by five nationalities (American, German, English-Canadian, French, and Mormon), six states (Vermont, New York, Wisconsin, Utah, Nevada, and Mormon-Land), eight official languages (American, Ghetto, German, Latin, Frog, Java, and Perl), two calculus operations (derivative and integral), and four religions (Buddhism, Christian, Catholic-Light, and Mormonism).

The Anti-Theta League is headed by Four Elders, Sir Thomas (The Formulator), Pro-Counsel DietRich (The Cheesehead), Stevizzle (The Head Honcho), and Doppenheimer (The Duke of Ditty). Also in high-ranking office is Rousseau, the liaison to the younger folk. There are also others who make up the lower ranks of the league.

In addition, the Anti-Theta League has prominent members in the Mathematics department. The most important is Admiral Roberts who has helped the Anti-Theta League on many levels including breaking into Mr. P�s office.

Future of the League

Plans have been drawn to lobby against companies who print Theta on their calculators. The most of the members of the Anti-Theta League have been accepted to very prestigious Ivy-League colleges, where they will continue the legacy of the destruction of Theta.

From the Village Pump: VandalBot Needed

Hi. I am busy trying to modify wikimedia code to protect against so-called VandelBots. Does anyone know where I can get one so I can test it against my test-wikipedia to see if my code changes are working? Stormtroop 13:18, 12 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Nice try. No one is going to provide you with a "vandalbot". ✏ OvenFresh� 16:12, 12 Apr 2005 (UTC)

• I'm sure if you ask a regular Wikipedia vandal nicely they'd be happy to apply and vandalize you till you drop. Mgm|^(talk) 19:00, Apr 12, 2005 (UTC)
• If you'll point me to your wiki, I can write up a vandalbot to start hammering it. --Carnildo 19:05, 12 Apr 2005 (UTC)
• I do admire the chutzpah. Meelar (talk) 05:57, Apr 13, 2005 (UTC)

The best vandal-bots are implemented in wetware. -Fennec (はさばくのきつね) 03:56, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)

• Wetware? Oh drats... and I've been busy feeding these Python scripts pet mice, bratty misbehaving children and cute kittens in an attempt to turn them over to the dark side... --carlb

Angela is a Pokémon fan

See this strange promotion

From Bologna sausage

Unproven Claims

It is claimed by some that their baloney has a first name, spelled O-S-C-A-R, and that their baloney has a second name, spelled M-A-Y-E-R, but this has yet to be proven.

From Stupid Idiotic Nimrod

#REDIRECT [[wp:Pope]]

From A Sexual Reproduction

a sexual reproduction is when you have sex with the letter 'A'. If you dont want to have sex with the letter a, you may also have bsexual reproduction, sexual reproduction, and fatsexual reproduction -sex with fat chicks.

15 Things to Do While Waiting for the Internet to Load

1. Make a model of the Empire State Building out of papier-mache
2. Read "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy
3. Write an essay on "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy
4. Attempt to find a hidden meaning in "I Am The Walrus"
5. Annoy your little sister
6. Sleep
7. Take a long bathroom break
8. Switch the labels on soda bottles so you can convert people who drink Pepsi to Coca-Colaism
9. Have a Lord of the Rings Movie Marathon
10. Check out the latest Strong Bad Email-oh wait...
11. Learn how to sing the national anthem backwards from memory
12. Play Tetris... lots of Tetris
13. Write a book, preferably one about purple penguins
14. Listen to "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" 3 times over
15. Make fun of punk rock music

Chris Stevens (ass kicker)

This article is about the real life guy whose probability of not existing is 1. For information on the fictional character whose probability of not existing could be any number from 0 to 1, see Chris Stevens.

Chris Stevens is a soldier in the US Army where he is currently preparing to be shipped to Iraw to kill terrorists. He has no education beyond high school, but none is necessary because killing cavemen is so easy even [[wp:THE BIGGEST FUCKING NAZI IN THE WHOLE GOD DAMNED UNIVERSE, MUCH LESS WIKIPEDIA|Jimbo Wales]] could do it.

He released an album called Hummix where he hums his favorite metal epics, and additionally uses similar sounds suh as clapping and clicking like Africans. Track listing:

• Dance of Eternity (orig by Dream Theater) (featuring John Stevens)
• The Odyssey (orig by Symphony X)
• Burnt Offerings (orig by Iced Earth)
• The Oddyssey REMIEXED (orig by Sympony X) (featuring Aluminum Maiden)

This album sold nearly a dozen copies, mostly to his family and members of Aluminum Maiden.

From Permittivity

The way waves travel is that they taste like chicken so they are tasty. VERY TASTY/

From Hacker

JESUS WAS A HACKER HE HACKED EVERYONE EVEN MOSES!! GOD WAS A HACKER TOO! HE DIDN'T CAUSE A FLOOD FOR NOAH HE REALLY HACKED HIM!! I SWEAR!! IT'S NO LIE!!

Comments added to Sollog

Revision as of 13:59, Dec 14, 2004:

Sollog is stuck in a failed marriage with a marmot

Revision as of 13:57, Dec 14, 2004:

Sollog eats his nuts

And liked it.

Winka I Trumblethorp IV [2]

(Գوեաڤرسكաوتوان Գمليեياրքւի մաسكوազ) (born Winka I) is the current King and Head of State of Winkaland, he is the most recent monarch in one of the longest dynastic successions still in existence in the modern world. He has reigned since 1981, when he succeeded his brother.

(I Can't Get No) Stupefaction

(I Can't Get No) Stupefaction is a popular song about an underage individual's futile attempts to acquire alcohol.

External Links

• [3]

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