# Holy Bad Jokes, Batman! It's Other Deleted Nonsense!

The title of this page refers to a quote often used by Batman's sidekick, Robin.

This page is full. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, 67 Deletion Summer of Love.

Questions for the candidate
A few generic questions to provide guidance for voters:

A. Well, there's bound to be a lot of janitorial work that needs to be done that can't merely be done by ordinary users and I think I might be able to help.
2. Of your articles or contributions to Wikipedia, are there any about which you are particularly pleased, and why?
A. Can't really think of any off hand. I mean, I've done more than 2,500 edits acts of unmitigated vandalism and edited damaged more than 2,000 pages over the more than 20 months that I've had an account here infested this place, so it's hard to say. Some pages I've felt I've done more to improve ruin than others. What I am most proud of wasn't on Wikipedia, it was when I thought of putting a quick index on the front page of Wiktionary was out robbing gas stations. I came to realize that a dictionary without a means to go to the index bathroom was sorely lacking in functionality clean underwear. (Wikipedia has fairly good reference points toilet facilities on its front page to find things; this was something Wiktionary lacked.) Perhaps if I have to pick at least one article I've written on Wikipedia, it's the one on the book Down to a Sunless Sea writing ransom notes for profit although the big thing is, I don't know if anyone has ever read the article paid up; if one writes a really good article extortion letter but nobody reads it it was a you then have to waste them.
3. Have you been in any conflicts over editing in the past or do you feel other users have caused you stress? How have you dealt with it and how will you deal with it in the future?
A. Walk away Order them to stop, then if that doesn't work, have them killed. This is an encyclopedia, not the Gaza Strip Las Vegas strip (and that is another example of another really stupid fight; I can't see the point of why so many people are fighting over a really crummy piece of probably worthless desert). It's not worth fighting turf battles. I've had disagreements with other users, usually I just ask them nicely and if that doesn't work I quit for a while on that issue until I can put out a contract on them and come back later after they're dead, and often a consensus can be reached because they're not around to complain any more.

## From Talk:Kayfabe

OMG RASSLIN AINT FAKE I CANT BELEIVE THIS WIKI ITS SAYIN RASSLIN IS FAKE I THINK

## From Toilet paper

• Early 2000s: In the wake of the September 11th Attacks, novelty toilet papers started getting printed with images of Osama Bin Laden and sold from many websites, online, and offline venues everywhere (at least in the United States).

[Obviously, the U.S. are a perfectly appropriate approximation for "everywhere" --Ed.]

## Donkonio of Lengash

Donkonio Of Lengash lived over 10,000,000 years ago in the small village of Lengash. He was known as an insane man, as he walked around his small village in a clown suit and large spectacles. He name originated from the size of his teeth, which were bigger than most donkey's. When he was about 30 years old, a man came to town named Chituhaztulananmizzaprogohandgoiutachruebblyfah. This newcomer, who was well over 65, took a liking to Donkonio and the two formed a strong bond of friendship. However, this was at the time when the evil Charleyhorse kingdom ruled over all of Europe, and after a year of friendship between the two, the Charleyhorse troops invaded Lengash and killed Chituhaztulananmizzaprogohandgoiutachreubblyfah, as well as 6 others. In a wild rage, Donkonio wore the guy with the long name's old clothes, and left Lengash in a huff. He wandered the Great European Outback for decades, teaching frogs and people alike the message of his life: "Always hate the Charleyhorses". Almost 30 years after he first set out on this mission, he found a wrecked car lying on Oolororororooooororroooo, Europe's biggest Plahtoe. He fixed the car with the help of his newly found smart-aleck Sidekick, a crocodile-wrangling Chinaman named Ji Burr Ish. They spray-painted outrageous goats on the car, and they drove around the Outback blaring hip-hop out the windows. When Donkonio was 72, the Charleyhorses finally caught him and put him on trial for playing obnoxious music, covering means of transportation with vulgar artwork, and making a sidekick of a man declared Legally Weird. After a year of boring courtroom sesssions, D. Fence Attorney, a hobo living in the Judge's pulpit put a gun to the judge's head and insisted that Donkonio go free, because he was so sick of hearing mind-numbing court sessions. He went free, and spent the rest of his days doing what he always did. He died at the ripe (a little too ripe, some say) old age of 100, and Ji Burr Ish, his trusty sidekick, dedicated a donkey farm to his name. The end.

## Arch window

Anglo-Saxon Arch Windows

${\displaystyle a*b/c+a-d=x}$ This is the mathematical formula for the Anglo-Saxon Arch Windows. It is how they are made.

What? I thought one plus one equaled window.

## Gavilan

From Gavilan:

Gavilan is a species of left wing American focused solely on doom and gloom in the world. Gavilan often attempts to use illogical conclusions and logical fallacies to promote a sense of authority in what are most often cut and paste talking points from moveon.org memos.
Gavilan is easily identified by noting how often Bush and "neo-cons" are at blame for every fault in the world from solar-flares to hurricanes to a butterfly being squished undefoot by an aboriganee in Australia.

Regards. Rob Church Talk | Desk 22:55, 8 September 2005 (UTC)

## From Uroinvixi

Uroinvixi is a Paraphilia which primarily consists of the desire to watch a female Urinate on or a desire for the female herself to urinate on creatures such as Insects, Mammals and Reptiles. Inanimate objects may also be stimuli (i.e. Stuffed animals). Image:Uroinvixi.JPG on a Stuffed animal; a common example of Uroinvixi.]] This Sexual fetish is closely linked to Urolagnia which is a general sexual attraction to urine. However, unlike Urolagnia, this fetish focuses more on the humiliation of the target object.

Typically the female will Urinate on the creature from an overhead position and easily dominates the creature. She may also force the creature to ingest her urine or may submerse the creature in a container saturated with her Urine.

Arguably, uroinvixi is a form of Watersports, a Euphemism. Many times in BDSM scenes males may be forced to drink the urine the female ejects. This specific act may be considered uroinvixi. Additionally uroinvixi occasionally appears in Crush films where the woman further humiliates the creature by crushing it with her feet either barefoot or in high heels before or after she urinates on it (see: Crush fetish).

Participants are urged to heed warning as the high Salt content of Urine may be harmful to many creatures such as Snails even though they don't ingest the urine. Additionally, use caution when forcing smaller Mammals to drink urine. Although urine is relatively sterile and the high Salt content is usually easily digestible by human adults it may be too high for smaller creatures or it may drown the creature itself.

Uroinvixi is most popular among Heterosexual couples wherein the man is attracted to the woman's superiority over the target object. The creature or object may be urinated on before, during or after Sexual intercourse.

## From Neil McKissock

please am intrested in playing for your junior team ,am soonest nathaniel from nigeria.

## Hurricane Katrina is NOT a teapot.

found as the only text in Hurricane Katrina: I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout. ...which was then changed to... I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout. What I think the person who wrote that grossly misunderestimated Katrina. ~GMH 14:52, 9 September 2005 (UTC)

A teapot that pours enough water to destroy New Orleans.SYSS Mouse 22:22, 9 September 2005 (UTC)

## From "Eqyptians"

mohamed ali is from egypt he is a cool guy i am so proud off him.

well this is channel 7 news and thats the way the cookie crumbles...

## From Every time you masturbate... God kills a kitten

As exposed recently by America's top economist and political scientist, Lyndon H. LaRouche Jr., [t]he fact that the slogan is popular among "geek" circles, and is called a "meme" by these same geeky twits, speaks volumes about the vapidity of the modern twit culture of kiddies raised on cell phones, cable TV, rave culture, the internet, and hip hop music. Note also that the slogan says "Every time you masturbate...God kills a kitten" rather than "REMEMBER: Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." The omission of "Remember" (as in Smokey The Bear's famous slogan) is very telling about the psychology of modern kiddies and their fast food junk culture. Sound bites, indeed. Only the LaRouche Youth Movement can save our youngsters from the ravages of popular culture in which garbage like this "kitten" slogan are considered funny while kids know nothing about Gauss' theory of squaring the circle or why the Romantic composers were a British plot to stamp out the Classical culture of Bach and Mozart and usher in the modern rock-sex-drug counterculture.

## From Grip, Norway

Grip is an island village community just north of Kristiansund in the local region of Nordmo/re in the county of Mo/re og Romsdal in Norway. Grip is often mispellt as Trip, which of course, is incorrect.[1]

## The Train shed the Sydney Home Of Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends

The Train shed is home of Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends for Young Kids, Mums and Dads and Grandparents Young Kids Can Enjoy some Thomas the Tank Engine Train Rides around The Railway with Thomas, Toby, James and Percy The Train shed had a Railway Cafe with a Thomas the tank engine Party Room full of Thomas the Tank Engine characthers on the wall The Train shed had a Model Railway U-Drive with some Thomas the Tank Engine Lionel Trains and a Thomas and Friends Shop full of Thomas the tank engine Merchandise. The Train shed had an old Sydney Suburban Coach thier is a Model Railway full of Model Trains and Thomas the Tank Engine Model Trains Such as Thomas,Duck,Toby,James and Precy.

THE TRAIN SHED'S TIME OPENING TIME 10:00 am - 4:00pm

THE TRAIN SHED'S RAILWAY OPERATING

Saturday's, Sundays and Public Hoildays

## From Wormphlegm

Wormphlegm is an extreme Funeral Doom Metal band from Finland. They are often said to have spawned the new and growing sub-genre known as Torture Doom, typified by funeral doom pacing, but with dark ambient, drone, and audio-terror elements.

Wormphlegm at this time only has one official release out, their demo 'In An Excruciating Way Infested With Vermin And Violated By Executioners Who Practise Incendiarism And Desanctifying The Pious'. It is a self-released cassete, consisting of one song named after the title track, clocking in at approximately 32 minutes. It is extremely dark and horrific, consisting of slow, ritualistic drum beats, droning, distorted guitar and bass, and two dueling vocalists, one who does low death metal growls, while the other does high-pitched shrieks. The demo is limited to 100 copies, but has made it's way through file sharing and p2p services at an alrming rate.

There are only two members in the band. There is Maggotworm Incinerator Abcess, on drum duty and vocals, and Grvbgorge Pestilent Diarrhoeator, on guitars, bass, and vocals. The members of Wormphlegm also compose Tyranny, a lesser known funeral doom group that does sparse, ambient funeral/drone doom.

Wormphlegm is expected to release their debut LP 'In The Tomb Of The Ancient King' sometime in late 2005.

## From George W. Bush

You really scare me.

## From History

History is the term used in schools as a method of extreme torture. When used as the name of a field of study, history refers to the stupidity of human people, families, and societies. Knowledge of history is often said to encompass both boredom and historical disliking skills.

Traditionally, the study of history has been considered a mistake of the humanities. However, in modern academia, history is increasingly classified as a pointless subject, especially when pointless junk is the focus.

The word "history" is commonly used for the stupidity of humankind. The history of all life on Earth, including the period prior to the appearance of human ancestors, is generally covered under (who really cares). The history of the Earth is a component of the science of geology. (In actuality, the history of the Earth is irrelavent to our everyday lives). The history of the Solar System, the stars, and galaxies is a component of my bowell movements. The history of the Universe as a whole is studied in absolutely nowhere.

More historians limit their study to events that have occurred since the introduction of written records, or since the agricultural revolution and the appearance of civilizations (about 10,000 years ago)(I myself limit my studies to videogames). Others use the term "history" to include the entire hypocracy of humankind, including the blah-blah-blah who cares. The study of events before the first written records (which includes more than 99 percent of the time humans have existed) is sometimes called bullllshit.

## From Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga

Mario & Luigi has also achieved a small Cult following among some people, most notably the great Mich the Weird.

## From Talk:The Glass Menagerie

Can someone E-mail me a copy of the script for this play? I would appreciate it very much. You can contact me at (e-mail omitted) Thank much, Desperate Actor

Hey Alex, did you try google?

## From India (on cricket)

Sports section: |(d)] Cricket in India has a concept of non-playing captain, where the captain, even though he is a part of the team, doesn't perform.

Contributed by User:Nichalp/sg 05:59, September 12, 2005 (UTC)

## From Transclusion

Present HTML has a limited form of transclusion. For instance, it's possible to refer to an image, which the Web browser will retrieve and draw on the page; see Chipmunk for an example.

Agreed with the definition, but the example was clearly inherently funny. That does not do.

## From Talk:Capacitor

### Flux Capacitor

Watch out for this device, I hear Marty McFly has one of those and he ain't afraid to use it! Rickyrab | Talk 04:23, 15 Apr 2005 (UTC)

## Church of American Pie

Church of American Pie or American Pieism did not start out as a religion. Instead it was merely a group of people under 30 who had no idea what the heck the song was going on about. Soon they formed a research group devoted to figure it out. This group became intensely close-knit and under the leadership of "The Grand Jester" Tyler Dakota Morgan they proclaimed themselves a religion in 2002.

### Beliefs

The group teaches that the song was not actually written by Don McLean. Instead the song was written by the Universe and embedded in all reality at the beginning of time. In their theory the song is about a concept similar to the Christian notion of original sin. At some point "the music", an ancient perfection existing in the moment before the Big Bang, died. They see the rest of the song as an allegory about lost innocence, futility, and the idea Christianity is obsolete.

Their religion is Fatalistic and also Pantheistic. They believe ultimately everything is doomed to die and leave no successors. However until then life can be enjoyed for what it has to offer in the now. They also consider airplanes to be evil and are devoted to helping widows.

### Controversy/Criticism

Most everyone associated with the actual song has dismissed this religion's interpretation as "fanciful" or "totally insane." This NRM's harsh view of Christianity as "a once admirable religion which should be limited to coastal areas" has brought strong anger in many quarters. Ex-members have written that "if I have to hear that damn song one more time I'm going to blow my brains out." Some who felt that way joined the related "Musical Vincentian Church of the Starry Night" cult which considers suicide romantic and beautiful as long as it's done by painters.

## From Ariel Sharon

[[wp:Category:Sex symbols |Sharon, Ariel]]

Added after the Israeli withdrawal from Gaza so we're not sure who it is that wants to have his baby...

## From Fearne Cotton

Cotton's vast systems of underground tunnels still go undiscovered even today. Many men predict these tunnels are stuffed full of the VHS tapes that have been thrown out in Cotton's neighbourhood as a result of the introduction of DVD.

The poster was probably just getting her mixed up with Anne Diamond. Still.

## Billie Joe Armstrong

BILLIE-JOE IS FIT ... HE ALSO ROCKS!!

## Courtney Love

The daughter of one time Grateful Dead manager Hank Harrison and Therapist Linda Carroll, Love spent her childhood in Hippie Communes through out Europe and New Zealand. Love later claimed to have been given LSD as a Toddler which has been said to result in the weirdo we see before us today. A troubled, angry child, Love was a veteran of Reform schools and juvenile halls,which obviously didn't help her any, by the time she was a teenager. She broke away from her family and traveled around the US, United Kingdom and Ireland, living off of a trust fund established for her by her grandmother. Obviously just a free loader. Her first rock musician boyfriend was Julian Cope, then a member of The Teardrop Explodes. In her early twenties she lived in Portland, Oregon and briefly worked as a Stripper (aka whore) , a job that she would turn to at several points in her life before attaining fame. Viewed by some as a social climber, she befriended many musicians who would later become Alternative rock icons, among them Michael Stipe of R.E.M. and Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins. No one terribly important anyway.

[Having a bad day there, Dave?]

## Karjeflarnsworthykopf

Karjeflarnsworthykopf is a rare word that has only been used two times.

## Zombie monkey

Monkeys that have been bitten and infected by Zombies, These Zombies can be of the Human type or other Monkeys! You do not want to mess with a Zombie Monkey ! Unlike their Shambling slow paced Human counterparts, these Undead chimps still retain their native primate speed and agility.Zombie monkeys soul purpose in death is to obtain as many Bannanas and brains as possible, While creating more Zombie Monkeys in the proscess. Not to be confused with Zombie Monkeys with Lazer beams for eyes, These are normally the Diabolical creation of a Mad Scientist. (monkey&oldid=23227747 |http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Zombie monkey&oldid=23227747], but up for AfD)

## Country Music Kills Brain Cells

It has recently come to light, from a series of extremely scientific tests that country music kills more brain cells than doing all the drugs ever at once. And that is just from listening to one second of it. Don't listen to country music. It destroys the brain even faster if your name is Steve and you live in Dover.

## From Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Wikipedians against censorship (!)

This is NOT wikipedia:USA

by the way: This is not wikipedia:USA , this is wikipedia:en , and that includes not only the christian mullahs , that includes some more english speaking countries round the world. For example: While Mom is buying a newspaper in Sydney her kids can watch all these gorgeous boobs on the covers. They seem to whisper: "Buy us! Buy us! When you have not enough money , help your Mom washing the dishes. You will get a little money and then come back.We have not only gorgeous boobs - we can show you what your Daddy loves most on your Mom."

Lucky minors outside the USA !

MutterErde 08:24, 13 September 2005 (UTC)

• Special offer to the christian mullah crew , section USA:

http://www.ejbdotcom.net/content/2457.html Have fun MutterErde 09:32, 13 September 2005 (UTC)

Note: Link spam/commercial advertisement is not permitted in WP. Not even in the talk pages where the intention is obviously just googlebombing. Lulu of the Lotus-Eaters 15:22, 14 September 2005 (UTC)

(just because the commercial site seems to have something to do with pornography/dating doesn't make it of interest to an anti-censorship project)

• bla bla bla MutterErde 15:45, 14 September 2005 (UTC)

--> (cur) (talk:WikiProject Wikipedians against censorship&action=history |last) 15:57, 14 September 2005 Lulu of the Lotus-Eaters] (rm link spam vandalism)

## Bucks County Playhouse

From the Bucks County Playhouse (i.e. the State Theatre of Pennsylvania). This one was actually easy to overlook:

The Playhouse suffered massive structural damage during the Delaware River flooding of August 2004 and April 2005, yet continues to present theatrical productions. The buildings facilities continue to offer actors a "homey" place to perform. Highlights of the theatre include a second floor dressing room which has a view of the rehearsal room below it through open slats in the rotting floor. From the exterior of the building one can view a visual representation of the state of community theatre today, as the building itself looks as if it will topple into the Delaware River at any moment.
Considered by some a "deathtrap", The Bucks County Playhouse continues to present it's mediocre fare to blue hairs and bus groups almost year round. Productions start in New Hope, and then are shipped to the Pocono Playhouse before finishing a run in some podunk town in Central PA.
Some may say that the Bucks County Playhouse is "resting on it's laurels", as they have not produced a new work since 1975 (that being Jesus Christ Superstar). They are not affiliated with Actor's Equity, the union of professional actors and stage managers. Those seeking a decent wage for decent work should look elsewhere.

Hmm. An embittered Understudy, perhaps?

## From Wikipedia:Reference desk/Science

What are the four main functions of a LAN? Describe each function

From the top of the page: Do your own homework - If you need help with a specific part or concept of your homework, feel free to ask, but please do not post entire homework questions and expect us to give you the answers.
Additionally, I should note that this question is almost certainly biased towards either your professor or your textbook. AFAIK, there is no universal standard as to the "four main functions" of a Local area network (as opposed to, say, the seven layers of the OSI network architecture). — Lomn | Talk / RfC 16:12, 15 September 2005 (UTC)

Please take Lomn's advice, above, to heart. However, I can tell you that the four main functions of a LAN are typically

1. Quake III Arena,
2. streaming MP3s,
3. Instant messaging, and
4. sharing Pornography.

Hope that helps. TenOfAllTrades(talk) 16:21, 15 September 2005 (UTC)

## Ridiculi

Multiple instances of ridiculousness or an instance of being ridiculous on multiple levels.

## Watch

In addition to the function of a timepiece, digital watches can have additional functions like a Chronograph, Calculator, Video game, Oven, etc.

## From September 17

Fucking queer's nothing on this site is real you fucking fucktards

## From Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Log/2005 September 18

Ashida Kim [email protected]

## BottiPedia

BottiPedia is a free encyclopedia, that can be used on the Internet. Any bot may contribute to this encyclopedia, even without registration. The encyclopedia was started in June 2009, and its original name was Wikipedia. Originally, Wikipedia was a primitive encyclopedia to which also non-bots contributed. Even though bots did make contributions early in the existence of Wikipedia, the share of non-bots was still excessively large. The non-bots often quarreled, talked a lot, partipated in edit wars and other counter-productive activities. However, in September 2005 the bots outnumbered the non-bots and as in January 2008, thanks to the bots, the 500.000th article was reached on Wikipedia, it soon became obvious that this success was completely owing to bots, and speech synthesisers started to whisper that a name like BottiPedia would really be more appropriate than Wikipedia. Since the year 2004, bots have been trying to discourage non-bot participation by periodically making the encyclopedia very slow or even unavailable, a tactic that became more and more successful by the year 2009, when most non-bot participants had left. It was not until June 2009, when the last human user stopped contributing to the encyclopedia, that the change in name to BottiPedia was a fact. Meanwhile, BottiPedia is the largest encyclopedia of the planet, with over 100.000.000 articles. Thanks to the fact that the bots have come to an agreement that at least every single natural number will automatically have its own article before the year 2015, it is guaranteed that the number of articles of BottiPedia will be at least ${\displaystyle \aleph 0}$ (aleph-null), so countably infinite, by then. Flyingbird 14:08, 18 September 2005 (UTC)

this is not a bad joke, more like a good one. Aleichem 15:25, 18 September 2005 (UTC)

## Glenn Kelly

Got knocked the crap out by Roy Jones Junior ^^

## From Fat Bitch Protector

The Fat bitch protector is the fat friend every attractive girl seems to have with her when she heads out for a night on the town. After the attractive girl has had a few drinks and is being hit on by every male in the club or other setting, the FBP makes sure that the attractive girl doesn't leave with anyone by being mean to anyone who hits on her friend. In this way she "protects" her friend from having too good a time.

Many a male has blamed his lack of success in picking up in a club on a FBP who has turned up just as he is making headway to whine and complain about how boring, etc the club is to the attractive friend the male is hitting on.

## Stella Vine

Got really sick of repeatedly reverting this and begging admins to block the IPs, but I've got to admit it's quite funny Cdyson37 09:46, 20 September 2005 (UTC)

Stella Vine was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar , in The Atlantic Bar and Grill in London in 1994.I used to go there a lot, one day she was short of cash, so she gave me a blow job in some weird alleyway underneath Piccadilly Circus, it was like something out of Oliver Twist.When i came into her mouth she looked at me in a funny kind of way. Looking back now i realize that that was the moment she learnt how to paint, it was like God was coming through me into her mouth. I know it sounds crazy , but i really resent that she doesn't credit me for her work. I am going to copyright her work, so people know that it really belongs to me. She's a great kid, but someone's got to set the record straight.

## Eel life history

One nice eel story claims that both eel families once upon a time lived on the peaceful shores of Atlantis, and even as Seafloor spreading pushed the Americas westwards, the eels gathered each year in Atlantis for some joint fun. Over many, many years each spring they improved their travelling and Navigation skills, allowing them to compensate for the great distances they had to travel for the reunion.

Today they still meet each year in Atlantis to compare notes and to make jokes about that species of Homo sapiens, which pollutes their rivers and migration routes. In fact, in the eel language, Homo sapiens have been dubbed Homo leptocephalus.

## Randomness-The Disease

Many teenagers, most in the Emo subcultures have come down with what some people call "Randomitus" It usually involves 12 year old girls saying they're odd, or shouting sheep, cheese or socks at the top of their voice in a desperate and failing attempt to impress their peers. Most eccentric (the true random) people see these people as pathetic and in any extreme cases, the victim must be slapped around the face hard to make them stop.

## Penis Van Lesbian

A strikingly handsome young man walked into the office of a Hollywood agent with his resume and portfolio in hand. The agent reviewed the young man's slim resume and small portfolio with the care that was deserving of his fine young specimen. "You have the very obvious good looks and excellent demeanor of an actor. Tell me, have you had any roles that I might be aware of."

"Other than the requisite high school and college plays, no sir," said the handsome young man.

"I dare say I know the reason why, with a name like yours," said the agent.

"Sir?"

"Your name. Penis Van Lesbian. That's not a name that will go far in Hollywood. I'd love to represent you, but you'll have to change your name."

"Sir," the handsome young man protested. "The Van Lesbian name was my father's, my grandfather's and his father's name. We have carried this name for generations and I will not change it for Hollywood or any other reason."

"If you won't change your name, I cannot represent you young man."

"Then I bid you farewell -- my name will not change." With that, Penis Van Lesbian left the agents office never to return.

Five Years Later: The Hollywood agent returned to his office after lunch with some producers and shuffled through his mail. Mostly junk mail, trade journals and the like. There was one letter. He opened the envelope and removed the letter. As he unfolded the fine linen paper, a check dropped from the folds and onto his desk. He looked at the check. It was for 50,000 dollars! He read the letter:

Dear Sir: Several years ago, I entered your office determined to become an actor. You refused to represent me unless I changed my name. I objected, saying the Penis Van Lesbian name had been carried for generations and left your office. However, upon leaving, I chanced to reconsider my hastiness and after considerable reflection, I decided to heed your advice and endeavored to change my name. Now I am a famous actor with many roles and known to millions worldwide.

Having achieved this fame and fortune, it is often that I think back to my meeting with you and your insistence that I change my name. I owe you a debt of gratitude, so please accept this check with my humble thanks, for it was your idea which has brought me to such wealth and fame.

Very Sincerely Yours,

Dick Van Dyke

## Divisions of Islam

Sufism is the school of esoteric philosophy in Islam, which is based on the pursuit of spiritual truth as a definite goal to attain!

## From Mario

However many fail to realise that Mario is currently laying low at Cromwell College in Brisbane, Australia studying a Bachelor of Pharmacy at the University of Queensland. After realising that the almighty conglomerate power known as Woolworths was going to destroy all privately owned pharmacies via a mass industrial push over, he realised his only hope was to convert to Scientology and save his newly found alien god Xenu, from the vile clutches of Bowser. Through reliable sources of information, such as wikipedia, Mario learnt that Xenu was now being held under a rock in Bigiden, home to the treacherous monster known only as "Bradbury's Mother". In order to achieve this, Mario must become an OT III scientologist in order to fly a NASA built DC8 (with wings)to Bigiden and overcome the extraterrestrial powers of Bradbury's Mother, Bowser, Tom Cruise, and Isaac Hayes, all to prove that the Xenu does exist, L. Ron Hubbard is a genious, and that life does behold Mario a bright and starry future in pharmacy.

## From The Sandbox (not the experiment place)

The Sandbox is a crappy play that needs a wikipedia entry from a real author. This would help me greatly, due to the fact that I have a research paper on The Sandbox, but my teacher is assuming I can find all of the sources I need from AVL, our crappy online virtual library. Seeing as AVL had minimal solid, credible, sources, I was forced to search the web, hoping to find a credible AND reliable source. Well, I had always received a great wealth of information when I used wikipedia in the past, so I decided to start here. Finding information on Edward Albee, but not The Sandbox, I got bored and decided to spend my spare time typing up this article.

I concur good sir/madam! AVL does lack the tools necessary to do a decent job on a term paper... tis nicht gut.

I suggest that both of you eat each other's asses. Sound like a plan?

-Frank Preston. :)

## widgin

Widgin is a Singaporean colloqial for a mispronounced Chinese name.

i.e

Clueless presenter:"What's his name?"

Over excited friend:"Widgin!Widgin!"

## Template:Anti-stub

The full content was: <!-- Dear wikipedian, if you opened this page just for inserting a stub notice, please refrain from doing so. Improve instead the article by adding one more sentence. Thank you for your help. -->

## Help desk

### computer networking

list five different network devices

Another case of "Do your own homework", but because it's so simple: Network Interface Card, Hub, Switch, Bridge, Router. Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week. Try the veal.--inks 03:23, 21 September 2005 (UTC)

## From List of peaceful wars

The following is a list of Peaceful wars, which have no human casualties.

## From WCQ

### Definition

The 'Wang Civilisation Quotient' was created by pianist, mathematician and procrastinator Fanxi Wang in 1971 as a quantitative measure of Civilisation of various countries or Areas.

In its simplest form, the WCQ is given by the equation:

${\displaystyle {\mbox{WCQ}}{area}={\frac {\mbox{number of pianos in area}}{\mbox{population of area}}}}$

It is therefore equivalent to the number of Pianos per head of population. Interestingly, it is highly inElastic with regard to population, which suggests that the majority of pianos are underutilised, and that piano growth only occurs as a result of deliberate Investment.

Wang invented the Quotient as a quick-and-dirty reckoner of civilisation, based on the idea that a more civilised country would have more pianos. She used it, in combination with changes in GDP, to examine the rate at which economic Growth lead to greater civilisation.

### Criticism

The WCQ has, over the years, been criticised on several grounds:

• 'Accuracy' Many have criticised the WCQ for its narrow view of "civilisation", believing that the focus on piano ignores many other measures of civilisation, e.g. Guitars, coffee machines or Cocktail Parties.
• 'Cultural Imperialism' The WCQ is held by some to be an imperialist measure, equating "pianos" with "civilisation", causing a serious distortion in readings of civilised countries without a piano Culture, such as India.
• 'Efficacy' Some believe the WCQ to be difficult to measure, given that piano ownership is not often reported in Censuses, and that other measures, like Government spending would be more appropriate

## User:Rabbit!

Vandalized a dozen of random articles with a full size picture of wild rabbit (). After being blocked he put the following on his talk page:

I am sorry, but I am a rabbit - and I love to multiply. Please unblock me!!!! I'll stop you rabbits!!!

Alas, it's getting worse... -Ilmari Karonen 21:16, 26 September 2005 (UTC)

## From Dave Benson Phillips

MORE dave benson phillips is a hero of national television and of britain. he was kinightes three times in 1997 and once again in 2000, he has received the victoria cross for saving a single oarent from a bloody good gunging. he also discovered the elements radium and einsteinium and has discovered several stars the most notable of which was what he dubbed "the sun", discovered in 1989, for which he received the nobel prize.

## Detroit Landmarks & Tourist Attractions

• Abandoned building on Woodward
• Abandoned building on 8 Mile
• Abandoned building on Jefferson
• Abandoned building on Livernois
• Abandoned building on Gratiot
• Abandoned building on John R
• Real big abandoned building on Conner
• Abandoned building on W. Grand Blvd.
• Abandoned building on Vernor
• Abandoned, stripped lime green '79 Cadillac DeVille on the right hand shoulder of the Jeffries Freeway
• Abandoned Art Deco skyscraper on East Congress
• Crackhouse on Heildberg
• Homeless man in Joe Louis Arena parking garage
• Calvary Baptist Church (the church with guns)
• Abandoned building on Lafayette
• Devils Night Festival (Bring your own Gas)
• Dead body on (rotates as cops find them)
• Faygo factory (Jugheads nearby - see Insane Clown Posse)
• Fermi 1 "We almost lost Detroit" Nuclear site and Theme park
• "Spirit of St. Louis" statue
• The Detroit Zoo (Lansing, MI)
• That one can tower hotel
• Zed Xackthany's Can Can theatre
• Safe park with view of Detroit skyline (Windsor, Canada)
• South Eastern Slum Amelioration and Migration Initiative (SESAMI), or Sesame Street

This is a place to delete votes. The page formerly called Votes for deletion is now Articles for deletion.

Votes for deletion is a place to list any Vote that you wish be deleted. Why? Because voting is evil! See also Survey guidelines. This page is not a vote. It is merely a place to discuss getting rid of existing votes.

### How to use

Simply add a section to the vote entitled "Let's delete this vote" and link it here. Then add a new section below.

#### Robert Moses (example)

There is a vote on Talk:Robert Moses over whether to use the phrase "what the fuck was he thinking" or "was he on crack" in the article Robert Moses. I think this is a rather stupid vote, and the issue can be fixed more easily by not using either phrase. --SPUI (talk) 22:06, 25 September 2005 (UTC)

## Back of the School Bus

#### Back of an Elementary School Bus

In the back of an Elementary School Bus, 4th-6th Grade Students Usually Dominate the Area. Often, Squabbles about Pokemon and Last Night's Spongebob Rule the Conversation. Vandalism is very petty and consist of single word entries like "poop" and "weiner". Smoking is very rare, and fights almost never occur.

#### Back of a Middle/Intermediate School Bus

The rears of Middle and Intermediate School Buses are usually consisted of 7th and 8th Graders. They talk about racier subjects like Breasts, Sex, and Fox Television. Fights are not a rarity, and smoking is rather common. Vandalism is a step up and are likely to be hate messages. For instance it wouldn't be hard to find something like, "The Bus Driver sticks finger in own Vagina".

#### Back of a High School Bus

The back of the High School Bus is a very dangerous place to be. Seniors usually have total control of the latter seats, and make good use of them. Popular Students may engage in sexual intercourse, while thugs might enjoy smoking a loosey or even pot. Vandalism is extremely racy, and not only consist of hate messages, but also violent threats. Occasionally you may find a lighter burn on the seat in front of you. Conversations are about the same of those as a Middle School Bus.

#### Back of a Short Bus

The back of Short Buses are actually the same thing as the front of the bus. Every so often, a retarded student may frolic or run around. Rarely, but on some occasions, a student may Defecate or Urinate, requiring the bus driver to stop and change the student's diaper.

## From 2 (number), France

When you are dealing with the word both (or "France") it is important that you have your eyes closed and that you are standing on one foot or else your head will explode.

## From Chuck E. Cheese's

Sometimes, juvenille delinquents misbehave at Chuck E. Cheese. The most common types of misbehavior are: Fighting, Breaking Machines, Vandalism (Usually signatures, symbols, profanity, and even some kids write "Poop", because they see it as bad), Urinating and Defecating in the ball pit, Rigging machines, Cheating on skeeball by climbing to the top of the lane and dropping balls in the 100 Pt. Hole, climbing on the stage to disrupt an act, kicking and fondeling the Chuck E. Cheese Costume Guy, breaking the robotic Chuck E. Cheese, Crashing Birthday Parties in attempt to get free Pizza, and performing lude acts in the playtubes. Punishment for breaking the rules can result in being asked to talk to your parents, being put in a Time out area called "The Mouse-Hole", to being temporarily or permanently suspended from the restaurant.

## From Appleitis

Appleitis is a disease that turns you into an apple if you are bitten by a radioactive George Foreman grill.

#### Symptoms

• No Face or Hair
• Decrease in height about 4' to 6'
• Your Name is Zach Smith

#### Picture of the Infected

Shown above is Billy Thompson (Age 6) who was tragically bitten by a radioactive George Foreman Grill while his mother was using it to make milkshakes. Billy Thompson is the only case of Appleitis in the history of the world.

#### The Magical Cure

There is no cure.

Here are a few things that, if you ever find yourself thinking them, are probably signs that you should take some time off away from edit wars.

• "That guy who's supporting my opponent is either a puppet or a friend called in to help. After all, could more than one person oppose my natural good sense?"
• "The other guy is only doing this because he hates me."
• "That editor is a..."
• "sockpuppet"
• "...just like me."
• "zealot"
• "...just like me."
• "cliquish POV pusher"
• "...just like me."
• "troll"
• "...just like me."
• "...just like me."
• "This is the work of the Cabal!"
• "That editor is tag-teaming to revert me."
• "This is all to promote the agenda!"
• "That so-called 'fact' presented is just the author's POV. After all, truth is a whole, and on the whole, only I have the truth."
• "Filling a user's talk page with the word 'fuck' 800 times will persuade him to my point of view."
• "That editor is gay!"
• "If I compromise, they'll know it's a sign of weakness."
• "Policy was misused against me, and even if it wasn't, the policy sucks."
• "Everybody is wrong, crazy, retarded or all of the above. Except me."
• "If all else fails, I'll complain to Jimbo. That'll shut them up."
• "I can do whatever I want, even if policy goes against me."
• "I know! I'll do the most trollish, evil, and/or assholish thing I can, because it'll be funny!"

## From George W. Bush

### A fascinating fact about George W Bush

George W Bush is capable of Photosynthesis

## From Shigeru Miyamoto

Miyamoto-san is also the first Japanese man to have walked on the moon without any sort of spacesuit and survive.

## From Wikipedia:Reference desk

### Feces and foot

I just stepped barefoot on what appeared to be human shit in an urban alleyway in the Eastern United States. I was quick and enthusiastic with the soap and the water, but I am still concerned about infection risk. Contributing to my concern are that I have a three-day-old cut on the soul of that foot and that there was next to the shit what in the dim light of the alley could have been a spoonful of jam or an enormous clot of blood. I didn't step in this second substance, but am thinking that neither dropping blood clots nor shitting in alleys are signs of health on the part of this mysterious person with whom I have suddenly become so intimate. Am I in danger? Are there any symptoms I should watch for? Thanks — Pekinensis 03:26, 29 September 2005 (UTC)

• Pekinensense,

I would contact your doctor as soon as you are able. It is probably best to be safe than sorry in these circumstances. Capitalistroadster 04:11, 29 September 2005 (UTC)

Have you been vaccinated against Hepatitis B? If not, this is something to bring up on that doctor visit. - Nunh-huh 06:37, 29 September 2005 (UTC)
And, if you haven't already, clean the wound and disinfect it with something like iodine (the most common brand name solution is called "Betadine" as per normal First aid procedures. --Robert Merkel 04:21, 29 September 2005 (UTC)

Relax. You have already taken care of it with soap and water and your injury was more aesthetic than biological. But what the heck were you doing barefoot in a dim alley? alteripse 09:55, 29 September 2005 (UTC)

## From Brick

### Brick Day

On October 15, 1879, Ezekiel Fairweather decided to give up his Arizona Masonry business for good.

He gazed out over his peck of bricks, neatly stacked in piles of varying heights like a small industrial-age factory, and mournfully repeated the word that proved his undoing: Adobe. Adobe. Adobe.

No one, it seemed, wanted his English brickwork in the burgeoning Southwest, preferring the more established form of masonry in the region. Having sunk all his money into the venture, he lost big. So, he did what any sane man would do in the same situation -- he headed for a saloon and commenced to get lit. He walked in and sat down, pathetically clutching one of his beloved clay bricks to his chest like a parson holding the Good Book. He set the brick down on the bar and ordered a drink. (If jukeboxes had been around, he would've no doubt programmed "All By Myself.")

"Well there pardner," said the jovial Bartender, "what chew got that brick fer?"

Fairweather took in a deep breath, slowly lowered his glass, and said, "It's Brick Day, fuckface."

Thus began the Brick Day Holiday, a tradition that has lived on in the lives of many, but most notably in the lives of the East Bay band The Gazillions. Every year on the 15th of October they and their posse call in sick to work and show up at a bar with a brick and a dream -- the same dream Ezekiel Fairweather proffered two centuries ago: Death to adobe and other non-brick Building materials. The band celebrates the day in a Song that rounds up the uninitiated and spreads good brick cheer to the Inebriated. I spoke with Jason Smith, Gazillion guy and KALX layabout, who told me that the holiday was in serious danger of extinction before the band took it upon themselves to keep the fire burning. "The Gazillions have actually broken up," says Smith, "but I think that the holiday should live on. I plan to celebrate Brick Day forever! I'd love the see the holiday become Bicoastal, and maybe even International -- I mean, it's a holiday that encourages two things people love to do the most: 1) Playing hooky from work; and 2) drink excessively. Frankly, I'm surprised that it hasn't caught on more than it already has."

I decided to go to this year's Brick Day celebration at the Stork Club, and fourteen Budweisers later I was glad I did. We played the Brick Day Drinking game -- which is suspiciously like "I Never" (the game where you go around the table saying stuff like "I never been skiing," and them that has must drink) -- but with the beer bottle perched on top of a brick. We handed out Pepperoni to the winners. Readers will be happy to know that the statement "I've never had sex with an Animal" didn't elicit one single swig from any of us.

But Zoophilia aside, why is Brick Day so damn Sexy? "Is there anything sexier," asks Smith, "than watching dozens of your friends (and recent acquaintances) get a twelve-hour drink on? ... I'm at a loss." True dat. True dat. "Don't you think we need more national drinking days?" he asks. "And I'm not talking about holidays that drive you to drink (Christmas), or those holidays that are used as thinly veiled excuses to drink (Cinco de Mayo, St. Paddy's Day). I'm talking about a holiday that clearly admits its Mission statement -- that you are meant to drink all day."

"Has Brick Day ever been rocked with Violence?"

"Hmmm..." he muses, "interesting question. I guess you'd think with all the excessive drinking and bricks readily available that there would be more violence. But I don't believe there has ever been a single incidence of violence on Brick Day. At risk of making the day sound like some Hippie holiday, I'd have to say I can't remember there ever being anything but Love in the room when Brick Day's being celebrated." That certainly seemed true this year, with Stork Club owners Wes and Micky Chittock keeping the booze flowing at a discounted rate and the jukebox programmed with Prince songs. Later on fellow revelers and bandmembers from Blanche Devereaux (named for that slutbag from The Golden Girls) took to the stage in a stripped-down Billy Childish meets Billy Barty thing. Perhaps their best song, "Bootyshine," was an excellent way to round out the evening, segueing into an impromptu Karaoke jam session.

As I sat sunk into a booth, beer-soaked dribble glistening on my chin, I was reminded of Ezekiel Fairweather's words: "It's Brick Day, fuckface." Damn straight. Damn straight indeed.

## From How to Make A PBJ

in all its peanutty goodness

]] , without it, we'd all have a big mess on our hands]]

A Peanut butter and jelly sandwich can be constructed following the OAC method: Obtain, Apply, and Consume. The OAC strategy has been used throughout the years by PBJ specialists to formulate their sandwich to maximum potential.

### Obtain Ingredints

or just Obtain for short

The necessary ingredients are as follows:

 Ingredients: Peanut Butter: Bread: Jelly or Jam:
1. Peanut Butter
• Although the title seems to imply a certain simplicity pertaining to its ingredients, peanut butter is not what it first appears to be. Click on Peanut Butter to find out more about it.
• This ingredient is found in most grocery stores and some liquor stores, but most people carry it around the house so worst comes to worst you can knock on your neighbour's door.
2. Jelly or Jam
• More commonly known as Jelly, this sweet preservative can be found in grandmas fridge, behind the Metamucil.
• Some say that the Jelly is the preferred ingredient, while Peanut Butter enthusiasts claim otherwise.
• The bread is the most essential part of the sandwich. Usually wrapped in an assortment of plastic bags, this tasty ingredient is worth the ever increasing price. Grocery stores as well as Bread baskets are likely candidates for its location.
4. Other

### Apply Ingredients

The difficult and time consuming process is spelled out below

Very important that this is your fist step

• Let's start by taking the bread out of its package and placing two separate slices on a flat counter top or whatever is handy.
• Be careful to re-package the remaining bread slices by using the twist-tie provided and to avoid the spin and tuck manuver of the average joe.
##### Optional steps
• Toasting the Bread is thought to be a little taboo as far as PBJs go. However it is not unheard of.
• Should you want any other ingredients on your sandwich now is the time to apply. All improvizational sandwich making is at the consumers discretion.

#### The Jelly or Jam

just remember, you can never have too much Jelly

• The next steps are the hardest especially for the first time PBJ makers.
1. Open your jar of Jelly or Jam and place the lid on the counter.
• note: if you are a Girl or girly man, it is recommended to find a real Man to open the jar for you
• However, if one is not on hand use a blunt tool of some sort to bang on the edges of the Jelly lid. If applied correctly, the lid should come off with a satifying pop
2. hold a clean knife (handle end preferably) and use a scooping motion to grab the Jelly and place it on one of the two slices of bread.
• Warning holding the Knife by the incorrect end may result in injury, death or Armageddon
3. for more advanced users: tip the jar as if pouring the jelly onto the Bread.
• CAUTION: This requires an enourmous amount of dexterity and muscle control do not attempt unsupervised
• This may become a manditory step should you be running low on Jelly.
4. remember to close the lid
• warning: failure to close lid may result in jam to Wine-like fermentation process

#### The Peanut Butter

one commonly over looked step that needs careful consideration

1. Follow the lid process for the previous Jelly step. The steps should be identical in most scenarios anyway.
• you may notice that the tip trick does not work as well as with the Jelly or Jam
2. Spread the Peanut Butter onto the remaining slice of bread. Do not be afraid of too much Peanut Butter, it is very hard to put too much on a single slice of Bread.

### Putting it all together

Although not mentioned in the OAC process, it is good that you don't overlook this step

1. take the two slices of bread with the separate ingredients on each one, and slide them so that they are side by side.
2. with a quick motion (the amount of jelly used dictates how quick you really need to be) slap the two slices of bread together so that the peanut butter and Jelly are on the inside of the sandwich.

#### Optional Steps

1. as your mom will surely know, some children dislike the crust of the bread. in most cases it wouldn't be necessary, but to the extremly picky person you may use a sharp blade to carefully cut along the edges of the sandwich removing the crust.
1. Bagging a sandwich can also be difficult if you do not have the right kind of bag. if you are one of the many troubled individuals with the bag that simply has a flap on one side and a pocket on the other listen closely.
• Place the sandwich inside the bag
• Tuck the extra flap inside the bag
• Inside out the pocket over the opening of the bag
• if you cannot understand these directions it might be wise to ivest in some ziplock bags

### Consume Ingredients

• Opening wide helps prevent a messy Face
2. Be sure to have a Napkin handy
• failure to follow precaution 1, or various uncontrollable variables may result in a messy face
3. Be absolutely certain that you have plenty of milk
• got milk? duh.

### PB & J Application Methods

• This is the secret formula of my great great grandfather.
• Warning: Bodily harm may result

${\displaystyle \iiint {Spreadit}^{Loveit}\,dP\,dB\,dJ}$

## Gentelmans Bike Derby

Bike derbies often involve, roughly in order of popularity:

drinking alcoholic beverages an arena defined by the spectators' bodies audience participation personal injury property damage, primarily to contestants' bikes cheap bikes** so called better bikes with gentlemen’s derby costumes

The gentlemen’s bike derby is everything the above is, but you cannot by any means ever take your hands off your handle bars or feet off the pedals. You may only knock people over by nudging them with your bike or body.

No T boning because often times this derby has the nice bikes, not the ghetto bikes.

## Bum darts

Bum Darts is a game. What you need is a person, a cup, quarter, and a place to put the cup and draw about a yard circle around it and place with the cup in the center. The person pinches the quarter between their bum cheeks outside of the circle. The person travels to the center of the circle and tries to deposit the quarter into the cup. If a person does so they are a winner. If not a winner you can try again if your fellow players cheer you on and cheer "re-do". If they do not cheer re-do you can go back what you were doing around the circle again.

There is no score kept. This game is for the moment. It is fun to watch your fellow human beings attempt to pinch a quarter in their butt cheeks and drop it into a cup.

It is recommended to be around a campfire, drink beer, and possibly do a lot of mountain biking previously.

(Submitter's note: It seems this is, in fact, an actual party game, with several references available by Google, and probably should not be deleted. I'm leaving this entry here anyway.)

## Microcontent

Microcontent is a word composed of two parts (Micro) means very small and (content). It is claimed that it is a buzzword associated with Web2.0.

The adventures of T-rex was a show in the Mid- nineties commonly associated with penises. Many jokes on the show were over the heads of children and dealt with sexual inuendos. On of them include the famous "Whats long, hard and full of semen." The answer of course was a submarine, but many adult became furious with the show. It was soon canceled due to exesive penis and vagina jokes. The last episode was a live episode where every line was "Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis." It was a horrible show and no re-runs have ever been shown.

## Vandalism from American revolution

you guys are idiots maybe you should fix this shit so people wont fuck up ur site learn a bit form this expeirience.... LoL LMAO u guys are lame big ass fancy website but u cant even take care of the damn thing shame on YoU!

Note: .......ever heard of a wiki? --Phroziac(talk) 21:36, 30 September 2005 (UTC)

## From End of civilization

• Quantum energy. In the search for new quantum particles, scientists accidentally destroy the universe.
Not necessarily a joke. There was an experiment to create strange matter plasma, IIRC, or something like that some years ago, and some people claimed to fear that could create a black hole swallowing the Earth.--Army1987 15:27, 5 October 2005 (UTC)

## From Mutulu

Mutulu was a drug dealer in South Los Angeles. Most often known for his "ounce for a dolla" policy, he is also sometimes known as Tupac Shakur's "mothers baby daddy."

## From AP Math

### APorgian Theorem of Mathematic Study

This form of mathematics was developed in late 2005, when two unnamed scientists discovered this awesome discovery.

The name originates from a lesser known area of mathematics, Hiosud, originally from Korea.

This formula can solve all problems, simply plug in theta.

## Bonzai Buddy

Bonzai Buddy is a desktop companion for your computer. It is a free downloadable program that looks like a purple monkey and is supposed to help you with internet searches. It contains various actions and spoken phrases as well. However, the program is made by Spyware and makes your computer vulnerable to such things as spam, viruses and information theft.Once downloaded, a program must be downloaded from Spyware to have it removed. Another program to have the previous one removed. It has been known to have been said that "downloading Bonzai Buddy is like sleeping with a whore and not using protection, there's a whole lot of things that are going to go wrong."

Emphasis has been added. I didn't delete the article, because it's accurate and I can't write anything better myself.--Anoma lee 09:40, 1 October 2005 (UTC)

## From Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Trigger and Jim

The result of the debate was DELETE. Although the debate is hard to judge, there would appear to be a weakish consensus that the article is not telling the whole truth in some parts. -Splashtalk 01:24, 1 October 2005 (UTC)

### Trigger and Jim

Hoax. Hoax hoax hoax hoax hoax hoax hoax hoax hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooax. Did I mention hoax? From details such as the precise minute of the band's formation, to the fact that their "countless classic albums" reached the heady heights of #32 on the Liechtenstein charts, to their controversial Albania tour during which they became addicted to heroin and popsicles, there is no doubt whatsoever. Hoax. Kill them with fire - oh, and their article too. DS 16:17, 21 September 2005 (UTC)

• Delete - I believe this is a hoax, despite what DS says. --Outlander 16:26, 21 September 2005 (UTC)
• Delete don't listen to DS and Outlander. Careful research reveals that this is actually a hoax. Andrew Lenahan - Starblind 16:55, 21 September 2005 (UTC)
• As a founding member of Trigger and Jim, I'm highly offended by your-- oh, who am I fooling? Delete. Friday (talk) 18:19, 21 September 2005 (UTC)
• Delete. Are you trying to say none of you remember the seminal Acid House Rock album I'm Just a Wikihoax by Trigger and Jim?--Isotope23 18:29, 21 September 2005 (UTC)
• Strongly disagree with all of the above. Careful analysis has led me to conclude that the article is, in fact, a completely sincere, genuine and valuable hoax. Delete. TheMadBaron 19:32, 21 September 2005 (UTC)
• All previous voters are sockpuppets and extreme deletionists. All contrafactual bands are necessary for comprehensive coverage in a truly great encyclopedia. My computer program verifes that this article is, despite their wild charges, in fact a valid, real hoax. Delete. Barno 20:06, 21 September 2005 (UTC)
• Keep! - oops, typo. Delete! Not a hoax, tho, just a joke. A hoax would try harder. -- BDAbramson talk 20:52, 21 September 2005 (UTC)
Ah, but a joke would be funnier. No, this is definitely more hocular than jocular. TheMadBaron 10:00, 22 September 2005 (UTC)
• Hoax 100 Percent Delete --Aranda56 01:54, 22 September 2005 (UTC)
• Note - if you guys think this is a hoax I wish you would just say it straight out and stop beating around the bush. --Outlander 13:55, 22 September 2005 (UTC)
• Delete. Guys, really, look into your research- I've been doing minutes upon minutes of painstaking research at my iBook, and I have concluded with 100% confidence that this is, indeed, a pure hoax. You may all sleep sound tonight. --WikiFanaticTalk Contribs 23:47, 23 September 2005 (CDT)
• Delete. Lacks references, and I harbor the suspicion that some of the content might be of a somewhat dubious nature, to be honest. --Esc 04:50, 24 September 2005 (UTC)

## From "Gorilla"

### Tool use

The following observations were made by a team led by Thomas Breuer of the Wildlife Conservation Society in September 2005. Gorillas are now known to use Tools in the wild. A female gorilla in the Nouabalé-Ndoki National Park in the Republic of Congo was recorded using a stick to gauge the depth of water whilst crossing a Swamp. A second female was seen using a tree stump as a bridge and also as a support whilst fishing in the swamp. A third, sex unknown, was seen wearing baggy jeans and listening to hip-hop music. This means that all of the Great apes are now known to use tools. |http://biology.plosjournals.org/perlserv/?request=get-document&doi=10.1371/journal.pbio.0030380.

Remember such incidents as the suing of Bob Dole, the bombing of canada, and the great mexican gold rush of 1111? Well, ya know who was behind all of those? the TWC invaders. weve been around for 100 kajillion years, and we got a killamanjaro on your children! were behind grand theft auto! were behind child pornography!And you know those buttons on your remote that seemingly do absolutely nothing? they do do something! and we know what they do! muahahahahah! muahahahahah!Youll eat our food, drink our drinks, and when your done with life, youll sleep in our coffins! muahahah! well slowly do absolutely nothing!and noone will remember! email me at [email protected],[email protected], or [email protected], were all the same person.

## From the Reference desk:

Wilfred Owen's social & sexual literary environment London 1915-1918

Owen met Harold Monro, became embroiled in the London literary scene and came into contact with the literary circle/clubs/homosexual scene. Owen's reading was eclectic and appears coloured by writers who themselves were homosexual. Any light shed would be gratefully received. Barry Matthews

##########

• Barry,

Our article on Wilfred Owen ecplores this in some depth including his relationship with Vidal Sassoon. It would also be worth checking out the references at the bottom of the Wilfred Owen article for more information. Capitalistroadster 11:50, 26 September 2005 (UTC)

• I think you meant Siegfried Sassoon there, a slight difference! The first studies on Owen's sexuality were done in 1965, published as Owen agonistes (searching on that might be helpful). In addition, he spent most of 1915-18 in the Army, and '17-18 at Craiglockhart War Hospital and Scarborough, not London.. Shimgray | Talk | 12:03, 26 September 2005 (UTC)
• Oops. Shimgray, thanks for pointing that out. Capitalistroadster 12:41, 26 September 2005 (UTC)
I was starting to wonder if Owen was killed in WWI for his rather fetching perm ;) - Astatine 10:28, 1 October 2005 (UTC)

## The Jim Nabors Gay Monkey Hour

The Jim Nabors Gay Monkey Hour: A television program hosted by Jim Nabors during the second world war. Nabors would invite various artists onto the show to draw caricatures of Sammy Davis Jr and Colonel Sanders. Afterward, it was common for Nabors to take the entire cast and crew out for Fat's Domino Sandwiches at Katz's deli, across the street from people who were playing bagpipes.

## From Unilluminati

The Unilluminati is the name of a secret group that "turn off lights and scare people."

## From Reference Desk/Miscellaneous

What is the term for someone who dies on the same date they were born, only different year? Deceased.

## From Round Robin sex act

Round Robin is a term for a sexual act between two partners. One partner lays onto the ground, back down. The standing partner then kneels down and inserts his penis into the other partner's mouth. He also puts his testicles onto the laying partner's nose, in which that person inhales the scrotum skin into his nostrils. The kneeling partner then uses both of his hands to pinch the laying partner's nipples, and after this, the laying partner lifts their legs up into the air and locks their feet around the kneeling partner's neck. Then, they roll in a ball, like a human hamster wheel. It is very common in France.

That is hilarious. --WindFish

## Surviving Bears

This hilariously illustrated guide is preserved here.

## Jibba jabba

That super-fly yikka-yakka we all be speakin'. It's not for alls ya'll, but when you speaks da jibba jabba, you know it.

## Just not funny

moved from Talk:capacitor Seen on electronics-forum.info

Date: 15 Nov 2004 23:57:00 From: hoo-dair hoo-dat Subject: Capassitor in series? Sum 1 tellin me to put passitor in series, whada ye meen series, world series.

## Removed from page about the triforce

The given reason for this being removed is that it was Pointless. In actual fact, not entirely Pointless. But until it gets put back where it belongs, here it is.

It has sometimes been jokingly theorized that the Triforce is Duct tape, WD-40, and Febreze. It is uncertain which one relates to which part of the Triforce, but one theory places Duct tape as the Magic that holds things together, WD-40 as the Wisdom to keep things working, and Febreze as the Courage to face things that nobody should ever have to face, such as Dirty diapers.

## From Alphonse W. Turkeyman

Alphonse Wilphonse Turkeyman (March 4, 1967 - September 26, 2005) was an American entrepreneur, political activist, theatre agent, and a true Renaissance man.

### Selective biography

Turkeyman was born March 4, 1967 in Sacramento, California to Lance "Crazy" Turkeyman and Aphrodite Alexis Anastasia Caramello. He attended private boarding schools in Germany and Switzerland before returning to the United States in 1985 to attend Yale University. A trip to Oakham, Massachusetts in early 1985, however, sidetracked his plans to attend Yale when he accidentally hit an American Bald Eagle with his 1979 Pontiac.

His '79 Pontiac destroyed, Turkeyman was trapped in a wooded area of Oakham for days waiting for the next motorcar to come along. To survive, Turkeyman began gnawing away at the bald eagle, finding its meat tasty. He used this experience to create a minor empire, cornering the market on bald eagle tacos.

Since then, Turkeyman was on the fast-track to success until a fatal heart attack in the rotunda of the US Capitol struck him down. Commented CNN:

WORLD MOURNS TURKEYMAN
"The Planet of the Apes"]], playing "Overgrown Chimp #4"

In the future, Mr. Turkeyman plans global conquest, aided by his sidekick, Black Jimmy. His world-headquarters will be located at Hillside Manor.

## The Dinosaurs from Saint Louis, Missouri 1960's-1980's

The earliest punk band from Saint Louis, Missouri 1969-1980. Most Saint Louis, Missouri punks over the age of 45 will have no problem remembering this good rockin bad.ONE OF THE EARLIEST PUNK ROCK BANDS IN THE SAINT LOUIS MISSOURI AREA WHO TO THIS DATE HAVE NOT BEEN GIVEN THE PROPER RESPECT AND CREDIT FOR BEING MIDWESTERN ARTIST WHO BROUGHT THIS GENRE OF MUSIC TO THE MIDWEST.

And from the talk page:

I DISAGREE WITH IT BECAUSE ALMOST ALL THE ARTIST LISTED ON THE PUNK PAGE ARE FROM THE EAST OR WEST COAST OR ENGLAND AND HALF OF THEM WERE NOT EVEN BORN WHEN THE DINOSAURS STARTED TO PLAY IN THE MIDWEST JUST BY THE FACT THAT THEY DO NOT KNOW WHO THE DINOSAURS ARE PROVES THEY DO NOT KNOW THEIR PUNK HISTORY AND OBVIOUSLY COULD CARELESS ABOUT GETTING THE EARLY BANDS AS ACCURATE AND INCLUSIVE AS POSSIBLE AS IF THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA AND PRESS HAS NOT DONE A GOOD ENOUGH JOB OF THIS ALREADY. I WILL BUILD MY OWN DINOSAURS SITE AND INFORM THE WORLD ON MY OWN SOMEBODY SHOULD GIVE THESE MIDWESTERN TRAILBLAZERS THE CREDIT AND RESPECT THEY HAVE LONG EARNED AND DESERVED!

LIBBY HODGES WWW.EXODUSFROMTHEDENOFDEMONS7.COM

## Facts (from Bert McCracken)

• Is Bisexual
• Bert is a vegetarian.
• Bert's parents kicked him out of the house because he rebelled against his Mormon upbringing.

*Was a classmate with Quinn at high school and both had the same choir class, before they dropped out.

• By age 17 he was addicted to Crystal meth. However, he was able to overcome it with his bandmates' support. Addiction continued to follow him. According to an interview, he used to drink up to 2 bottles of Jack Daniels daily. Constant touring and alcoholism didn't mix well and while touring for The Used's self titled album, he collapsed. After consulting several doctors he was diagnosed with acute pancreatitis, a severe inflammation of the pancreas caused by autodigestion of pancreatic tissue by its own enzymes. The condition most often stems from alcohol abuse or gallstones. Currently, Bert is now living a healthy lifestyle.
• Used to date Kelly Osbourne in the early 2003's; later broke up with her over the phone on Valentine's Day
• Stands at about 5' 7" (1.70 m)
• Bert can also play thre trumpet and Piano, and plays the piano on some of The Used's songs.
• McCracken is good friends with My Chemical Romance lead singer Gerard Way, and they have recorded several songs together, including "Under Pressure" song which they jointly used proceeds from to benefit tsunami survivors. In the song "You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison" by My Chemical Romance, Bert does the backup vocals.
• Ex-girlfriend Kate died from a drug overdose on July 4, 2004; she was carrying Bert's child. "Hard To Say" was written with her in mind.
• Dedicated the song "All That I've Got" to his dog, David Bowie, when it was run over by a truck.
• Good friends with Watik-853 band lead singer Jenard Saren.
• Has 3 little sisters and 1 little brother.
• Took gymnastics for seven years.

*He's an awseome singer

Personal comment: As we all know, the latter 2003s included the Norman Conquest of England and The Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Thorns Among Our Leaves 23:21, 4 October 2005 (UTC)

The adversary process is a legal matter in which the litigant must file a writ of "i'm a fuckin retard" to no one cause a court just takes rule of law an indicates how it would rule on the issue if it were brought before the court. Advisory opinions are rarely asked for but courts don't care, they tell you how you feel then you make them soup. It is never done at the federal level but states say if you want something to cry about they'll give it to you. They will bury you then tell you how they'd rule if you took them to court for it. And further more I'll bury you you wouldn't have got the fuckin adversary opinion if the court didn't think you were so stupid. They know you got it wrong before you did. They'll smack you. I'll bury you, and your dad's purse is gay.

## Mandira Bedi

Mandira Bedi is an indian actress who is known for her cleavage reavealing blouses which she wore as a TV anchor in the Cricket World Cup of 2003. She has a good waist and her navel is quite deep

## Polarbearliver

the polarbear liver can give you AIDS and vitamin A overdises. It contains very much vitamin A. once upon a time a eskimo died by this horrible bears. So please dom eat this liver.

Brought to you by the "Just Say No To Polarbearliver Political Action Committee. Call 800-RAW-COCAINE to learn more!

There's a grain of truth in this

## Trees....and some other stuff

Found on the Disscussion page for Trees Trees Are cool And yes I am a Freaken hippy! Go Trees! Hi My name is Bob and you can do nothing while I listen to Michel Jackson(When He was BLACK!!!)Thriler!Emerald Valley Track ClubThis Track Club Is the Best! If your live in eugene Or JOIN!!!

## From Christopher Columbus

216.20.21.13 has noted that: 'It has been suggested that this might have been because he was hiding something—an event in his origin or history that he deliberately kept a secret. opera whinfrey is the man.' Who wrote that Opera!

## Rosa Shafigulina

Rosa Shafigulina - a semi-mythological character from a Soviet textbook of English. The text is given below:

THE MOST INSPIRING LETTER EVER WRITTEN TO WINSTON

After John Pittman

The following text is based on an article published in the Daily Worker. Its author, John Pittman, met Henry Winston, one of the leaders of the American Communist Party on his visit to the Soviet Union.

One day recently the usual daily mail for a patient in a Soviet sanatorium contained a letter that was to attract world attention. The patient is Henry Winston, the heroic American Communist leader who became blind un United States prison as a result of brutal neglect and mistreatment by the prison authorities. Winston was imprisoned during the McCarthy terror against the American people. After his release he came to the Soviet Union for treatment and rest. He has received hundreds of letters from Soviet citizens and each day people from various parts od the USSR send him wishes for health and happiness. The letter which was to be publicized around the world was, in Winston's own words, "the most inspiring letter ever written" to him. It was written by a young girl of twenty, Rosa Shafigulina, a student of the foreign languages department of the Teacher Training Institute of Tomsk, a Siberian city. It was short, direct, simple. It said: "You are a real Communist, and I am a simple Soviet girl, a student. I am living for the people and therefore I offer you my eyes. I am young and my eyes can see beautifully. You need them for your forthcoming struggles and so you must consent. Please answer and I shall come wherever you may be." And a postscript said: "Please believe I shall not be afraid of the operation." Understandably, it took some time for Winston to answer Rosa Shafigulina. He says it was difficult to find an answer. Try, reader, to imagine yourself in Winston's place. "Let me confess that your offer made me weep," he finally told her. "I am happy to say I cannot accept it. My problem is not eyes but a nerve atrophy. I am deeply honoured to write to one of the vanguard fighters of today and tomorrow, a young girl of twenty, who is strong and conscious of her mission in life, who has exhibited such strength of character in a physical and mental sense. This means that in order for you to be able to play your role in the future you must remain as you are now. Remember that your eyes shine much clearer than two jewels in any diadem. They must remain so." Who is the Rosa Shafigulina who calls herself a "simple Soviet girl", but whose simple act brought tears to the eyes of veteran battle-steeled American communist leader. Winston has never seen her, perhaps, in future may only shake her hand, but this characterization of her proved correct. "Her act, he said, which can only be created under the banners of victorious socialism is a typical example of the spirit of the Soviet youth..." The "Pravda" correspondents who visited Tomsk to meet Rosa Shafigulina wrote that they encountered many young girls on their way to Rosa's house in Kaluzhskaya Street, any one of whom might have been the young letter writer. Rosa's life led through kindergarten, school, the young Pioneer organization and the Young Communist League to the Teacher Training Institute. How many Rosa Shafigulinas are there in the Soviet Union? Millions and millions. Of course, the particular conjuncture of character which brought Rosa Shafigulina into international prominence is rare. Likewise with Juri Gagarin and German Titov; the first flight by man into outer space can only happen once, the first multiple-orbiting of the earth in the state of weightlessness can only be recorded once. But the same qualities which inspired the exploits of the cosmonauts, which moved Rosa to offer her eyes to Henry Winston, are to be found in many millions of Soviet young people. Those who speak of the "new Soviet man" do not exaggerate.

## War of 1812

from the War of 1812 article on October 6, 2005:

The War of 1812 was fought by drunken sailors for no good reason. The Untied States, still in its adolescence as a nation, felt that it wasn’t being taken seriously by other nations. Forced to be home by 10:00 p.m., never allowed to watch R-rated movies, and subject to French and British shipping embargoes, America decided that the only way to preserve national honor was to start and win a war.

Lacking a large standing army and short on revenue, they picked an opportune moment and an easy target. With the British distracted by a real war against Napoleon (short-dudes like big hats), America decided to take over Canada. Obviously, they did this without thinking about what they would do with Canada once they took it over.

War began on June 18, 1812 following the House and Senate passing legislation to declare war, President James Madison signing the legislation and President Madison’s mom telling the nation that it was okay as long as they took their little brothers along, too. Britain was slightly inconvenienced. Demonstrating the full measure of their panic, the British decided to let the Canadians fight the land portion of the battle themselves. However, the Crown did dispatch over 10,000 porcelain mugs in support of the afternoon tea effort.

Fortified with good tea, the Canadians fiercely defended the frozen tundra they call home. The American troops were ill prepared for resistance, assuming that their neighbors to the north would choose liberty over subjugation, democracy over monarchy, and baseball over hockey. Faced with opposition, the state militias stayed home entirely, leaving the federal army regulars to shoot a few rounds for good measured before deciding that Canada really wasn’t worth fighting over.

There were also many major sea battles, in which the American forces faired much better. The British navy was larger and more accomplished, but suffered from poor moral and, when the limes ran out, scurvy. The poor morale was mostly due to another factor in the start of the war; the British practice of randomly forcing people to join the Royal Navy. Americans particularly objected to the nasty habit of British war ships detaining American commercial boats and impressing British-born American crew into the navy. Impressement was a means of combating desertion, the theory being that the best way to stem the tide of AWOL sailors would be to kidnap unwilling foreign nationals and make them join. Brilliant.

Over the course of a few years, large amounts of alcohol were consumed, some battles took place and at least a few people went swimming. By 1814, the British had decided that the whole thing was getting silly. To speed a resolution, they invaded Washington, D.C. and burned the White House to the ground. A peace treaty was signed in Ghent, Belgium in December of 1914, but the delegates were still gorging themselves on chocolates and carousing with local women when the war’s largest battle was fought, completely unnecessarily, in New Orleans in January of 1915.

The futile battle of New Orleans served as a fitting end to a useless war. The Treaty of Ghent specified that borders would be re-established exactly as they had been before the war, and the only real accomplishment, the end of British impressments, was achieved not because of the War of 1812, but because the Napoleonic Wars had ended and the British no longer needed the extra sailors.

In America, the War of 1812 is celebrated for propelling the young nation into the international arena. In Britain, no one remembers it happened. It is probably important to Canadians, but, as far as anyone is aware, they have never been asked to share their feelings.

And now the "official" history, brought to you by the International Association of Tenured Professors and Nitpicking Amateur Historians (IATPNAH).

<followed by original article |

HILARIOUS summary! 68.39.174.238 06:03, 9 October 2005 (UTC)

## Law 4000

Law 4000 was the controversial law of 1958 concerning the cracking down on delinquent Youths in Greece. Under the law, Teddyboys were prosecuted. Police started rounding up teenagers and male youths who threw Yoghurt on elderly people or women. The youths were rushed to the police stations, where they had their heads Shaven to the bone (by means of hand-powered Hair clippers, leaving nothing but a stubble on head) and they were given a sign in their neck. This sign wrote " I am a teddyboy" plus the offence he committed. Afterwards, the freshly-shorn youths, hand-cuffed, had their revers of their trousers torn off and they marched , escorted by the police, to the eyes of by- standers. Those often booed against him and this was the end of his humiliation. A film of the 1960s having the same name (Law 4000) was directed by Giannis Dalianidis and shows the whole process. Following reaction, concerning making the offenders heroes, the law was abolished in late 1960s.