# Father of the Bride of Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense

This page is full. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, 67 Deletion Summer of Love.

## From El Paso

El Paso is one of the dirtiest cities in the United States, with major thuroughfares and minor side streets alike strewn with debris such as discarded beer bottles and shopping bags. Many parts of El Paso, including the central business district, have a foul odor (due to an uncontrolled feral pigeon population and widespread public urination). The majority of inhabitants are obese, and literacy and education levels are generally among the lowest in the United States. El Paso is a solid base of support for the Democratic Party, which further indicates the generally low standard of hygene and morality within the city.

On the positive side its a fairly likely place to find a large burrito.

## Tovi

Tovi was born and raised in Alaska. He was said to have a great passion for blueberries, and loved to kill wild kodiak bears. He pioneered bucked-tooth fighting, and used it on his prey with great success. This fighting style paved the way for the beaver wars of 1898 which distroyed all of beaver society. This is why Beavers are forced to live in dams, because, with the war and its casualties, all the architectial minds were distroyed forever, reverting beaver intelegence to prehistoric comprehension and standards of living. Beavers used to have tea parties, but now the mostly slap the water out of frustration (they can't figure out how to make tea) and give people fevers: beaver fever.

## Beaver Fever

Most people think beaver fever is Giardia, but it's not. Beaver fever is resistant to bleach, and very harmful to your belly, which is not resistant to bleach whatsoever. To avoid beaver fever, stay away from sneezing beavers, and put iodine tablets or better yet, grapefruit seed extract in waters you think may harbor a sick Beaver, with any luck you'll cure the beaver and create a bright new future for infant beaver children around the globe.

It is said that beaver teeth can be used to smash into powder.

## Beaver teeth

These long, yellow, razor sharp bucked teeth, can be used for cutting down trees, spreading rabies, or smashing into a fine powder.

## From Jesus

According to the Lord of the Rings, Jesus was the Jewish Messiah and the Son of God, who served a ministry in Galilee and Judaea, and was ultimately crucified in Mordor by order of the Galactic governor Darth Vader before rising from the dead on the third day.

## In Ustka

The mermaid patron of a Polish coastal town faces plastic surgery after councilors decided her breasts were too small and hips too wide, a city official said on March 29 2004.

## From WP:FAC

Someone nominated Split infinitive.

• Object. Too short for a feature article. I also found the writing somewhat pedantic. Denni 21:47, 2004 Sep 20 (UTC)
• Let me get this straight... you found the writing pedantic for the article split infinitive? Alrighty then! - Ta bu shi da yu 03:59, 21 Sep 2004 (UTC)

## Fox News as an Arm of the Tobacco Industry

Added to FOX News by an anon

Fox News has been said by many probably credible people to have longstanding ties to Philip Morris, and on any given day can be expected to air at least twelve reports stating that children should smoke. This has brought criticism from parents, but some say Ruper Murdoch has stated that those people should "go back to France." A few have suggested that Roger Ailes is a compulsive smoker, often smoking seventeen packs a day, although the evidence for this is not entirely conclusive. Theories have also been expounded that Murdoch has plans to construct a SUPER FIGHTING ROBOT for the purpose of aiding his conquest of the Chinese media market, though this has not been substantiated.

## From Wikipedia:Wikipedians/Australia

Please note: This page is NOT an appropriate forum to go on about how Australia is "God's own country", nor is it the place to discuss why Australia is the best place in the world to live. Discussions of the fantastic way of life, amazing beaches, superb climate and infinitely friendly people to be found in Australia are certainly not sought at all. People attempting to discuss the incredibly beautiful women and handsome, healthy men will be discouraged at every opportunity, as will anyone proselytising about Australia's free and open society, policy of a 'fair go' for all and boundless opportunities for all and sundry. Thank you.

## From Prince Alexander of Yugoslavia

Alexander Karageorgevitch (commonly known as princay to his friends), went to the King's School, Canterbury, with his brother, Philip, and was known for his great skating prowess (until he broke his arm in a multi-storey car-park).

After they left kings, the author hasn't the foggiest where they went, however can vouch for them both being Jolly Good Chaps.

## Jesus built my hot rod (NPOV parody)

Jesus built my hot rod is an expression used to describe the Christo-symbolic aspects of ones material posessions and personal physical manifestations as being holy or possessed of spiritual and metaphysical powers. In common speech, one could say "Jesus built my hot rod" in the context of a discussion of one's general prowess. In western societiy, the fast car or "hot rod" is symbolic of the penis, and of the male power to penetrate the world, perhaps equivalent to the Shiva lingam in Hinduism. The spiritual character of physical objects can have a deeper meaning when discribing personal body parts. (Revision as of 07:14, 22 Sep 2004. Refers to a song by Ministry.)

## Water

When water is purified to its greatest extent, only H2O, it is so pure that if you drink it will corrode the iron in your blood.

## From an earlier version of Tuam

Tuam, the smallest city in Europe, spiritual home of Galway football, and home to most of the Irish travelling community. In fact it is said that the exact position of Tuam will never be marked accuratly on a map as half of the town is on wheels.

Amongst Tuams most well known sons are the Saw Doctors, and Lt Dick Dowling, who with 47 men and 6 cannon, turned back a Union force of 2000 men during the American Civil War at the battle of Sabine Pass. To the best of my knowledge the Saw Doctors were not involved in the battle, but may have provided entertainment to the troops at an "Afters" party.

Mathematicaly proven to be located at the exact centre of the Universe, Tuam is a generally accepted to be one of the most pleasant towns in the world. This is not just the opinion of people who live there, but of people who live close to it also. In fact it is known that when a Tuam man dies and approaches the Pearly Gates, an angel comes to greet him and say:

"You will not like it here. It's not Tuam".

## From Copyleft

... with the sale of printed music and public performance rights of the 4′ 33″ composition (which, from a commercial viewpoint, is, to put it exactly, hot air served at room temperature) ...

## Price Pfister

Price Pfister is a store that owns things such as faucets.

Uh, no. They make faucets. Which goes to show that they probably own a few. See what you can learn on this page?

## From Moltres

It looks like a fat goose whose wings are covered in (made up of) flames.

## From Altaria

It vaguely resembles an aquatic waterfowl of some sort, most likely a goose.

## From Tangela

Tangela is a Pokémon that looks like a bunch of weeds.

## From Wurmple

These "gem" games (Ruby and Sapphire) are the only games which have the Pokemon which can evolve into either a Beautifly or a much uglier Pokemon.

## HugeUselessUnwikifiedLump

This stemmed from an IRC conversation and became a template

Unfortunately, it was never too popular

## Newton's fundamental ratio

In a branch of applied mathematics known as operations research, Newton's fundamental ratio as written in the Principia Combinatorica VI volume expresses the relationship between the positive and negative objects in the subjective perception of a single sentient entity.

The ratio in its most primitive form is written as:

${\displaystyle k=\sum _{i=0}^{\infty }p_{i}:\sum _{i=0}^{\infty }n_{i}}$

Newton, after receiving literally hundreds of letters of feedback, estimated that this constant is between 10 and 12 inclusive. Later it was proven that ${\displaystyle k}$ is a transcendental number and the latest estimate based on elliptic curve research shows that ${\displaystyle k}$ might in fact be equal to ${\displaystyle 11.753584375...}$

The ratio was later expanded with the development of axiomatic set theory when it was discovered that if the cardinality of the set p is aleph-null (${\displaystyle \aleph _{0}}$), then the cardinality of n is at least ${\displaystyle \aleph _{3}}$. However this breaks down in the complex plane iif the the slope of the real part of all the elements is a linear function.

Two hundred years later Goedel proposed that the set p could be finitive and possible to calculate for any subject, causing quite an uproar in the mathematical community. However, whatever idea he had died with him in 1978 and no notes remain of it.

## A Creative RfD vandalism.

The article "Judaism" was put up for deletion by user "Hitler"

## MASSIVE TRAFFIC CONE SHAPED ALIENS FROM OUTER SPACE

!These cones are aliens! Notice most of them are blue! They are just waitng for invasion!'

## From Split Infinitive

Robert Lowth, D.D. Lord Bishop of London, was the first grammarian to oppose the split infinitive in English. Hence, he is assuredly burning in Hades.

## From troll

some one who just deletes entire articles to try and get on bjaodn

## From Zzyzx

"Zzyzx" road is the only word that can be contorted to rhyme with physics. Thus, it is a popular tourist location for physicists.

The actual phonetic pronunciation is "ZYE-zix." However, the popular pronunciation does, in fact, rhyme with "physics." So there.

## 2001 (test-wikipedia)

The reel millenium start 2001. How you rite 2001 in romin is MMI (wich stand for "Milenium Muny Is" (thay kind uv rote it backwerds, but thats that!) )

## From Midas

Overjoyed, as soon as he got home, he ordered the servants to set a feast on the table. Then he found that his bread, meat, daughter and wine turned to gold and became inedible.

## Wiki points

For every entry uploaded to the master wiki libraries, Wikembers recieve WikiPoints. These points can be redeemed at participating GasandPass (formerly known as Mavericks) stores.

Wiki Points redemption value:

• 10 pts - 1 pack Combos
• 100 pts - 6 pack corona
• 1000 pts - Star in your own movie!
• 10000 pts - Own planet with slave virgins!

I like this new policy. I'm halfway to owning my own world of virgins... Sweet.

Son, Wikipedia already has enough virgins without you adding to it. - Ta bu shi da yu 12:31, 3 Oct 2004 (UTC)

### Wikipoints, history of

This one followed quickly on the heels of the above

Wik i Points was a rather short lived phenomenom that swept through the wikipedia circa 2004. For approximately 8 seconds, an entry fans described as "hilarious" and "full of text", lived amongst the pages of the wikipedia.

Sadly, vandals dismanteled all references to wikipoints and the details are now lost to history.

## From an old page history of Poker

In the event of an electoral draw, the United States Constitution requires the President to be selected by a single hand of poker. (see [1])

## From I Am Cuba

Unfortunate typos (not to tease the original author too much, he did a good job on the article):

The camera wide anlge walks among the contestants, then goes out of the building, goes down for two stories to land in a club, and there goes around the bartenders and then goes inside the pool and actually enter underwater, where the shit ends.

The Adams constant is a humorous mathematical constant, equal to exactly 4.2 × 101. Although it has been discovered, its use has not yet been found. It was named in honour of the novelist, Douglas Adams.

## Mineral spring (since redirected to Mineral water)

a mineral spring is a place with warm waters that can be tested to contain many minerals

As you can see, the happy little person responsible for Wikipedia's happiest vandal bot has not yet taken our well-meaning suggestion to consider assisted suicide. Oh well. We persist.

## Josh, Master of GameCube

Josh, Master of GameCube (aka: Josh, Master of Nintendo, JoshCube etc.) Graal Online Known Player, Legendary Lamer.

Graal Online. Classic server: 2001

Josh, Master of GameCube was a player on a popular Online Game called Graal Online and was known for the years past. He was known as the Legendary Lamer. He came in 2001 and would lame and cause havoc on Classic and caused the entire server to hate him. He would block bridges, abuse bugs, harrass people, and so on. It was fun to him so he would not stop. Everyday, people were massing messages and complaining about him, cussing about him, and it was every day. Yet because of this, he was known all over to be the most trouble causing player in the history of Graal Online

The months passed, he started taking laming to a new level. Instead of using the Trident and Starcon Firemines all the time, he started to block bridges with his own clan members, and take over the ship. One day, Josh and his friends blocked the graal bridge (house under main graal bridge with the yellow plank), and there was 30 people under there. Cussing at him, making threats, bribing him, to get past him. All he did was sit there on the bridge and around 30 people gathered around him and then turned into a war there.

He was so good that nobody could even pass, so they had to contact admins to remove him. Thats how good he was. If there were no admins in the game, Josh would of probly have taken over Graal. Months passed, thats when Josh created his own website and his own clan. He got a pot and put the words "laming" and "taking over" and mixed it up. Thus those two words together, he created the clan called "Dominate", a clan designed to Lame and Take Over Graal Online at the same time.

Dominate wouldn't stop to take over Classic. They won the Clan Wars that year and became legend for their laming and taking over abilities. Josh and his comrads of Dominate we're the best Lamers and Dominators of Graal. After Josh won the Clan Wars, he disbanded his guild and left Graal because of some problems he had in real life.

Graal Online. Classic Server: 2002

The admins were getting sick and tired of Josh's laming when he returned. His clan was disbanded, but he had the laming spirit still alive in him. He continued to lame throughout the months by himself. He was alone again laming. Months passed some more. Josh made a movie at put it on Newgrounds.com. It was called "Josh vs. Graal." The m ovie was about him getting revenge on Classic and Graal for copying a good game called "The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past." After the movie was made, admins got mad at Josh because in the movie, he was giving them a bad name. So they gave him 3 chances. If he broke all 3 he was banned for life. He broke 2 rules and on the 2nd one, an admin banned him anyway.

To Josh, being banned on a server wasen't a big problem. He would just get unbanned the next day and then re-enter the server. Instead he got tired of Classic and just left and thats when the owner of the server then put a reinforced ban on his account.

Graal Online. Era Server: 2003

After he was banned, Classic's server population was around 50 at the time. When he first joined Classic, it was 250 - 300. He joined a server called Era and tried to revive Team Lamer, but the admins in the server cut off all global clans, thus using their own clans for the server known as "gangs."

Josh had his own big lames on Era. He would mass about him giving out free MetalStorms and PL-9's on the Hospital Roof. Around 30 people would come, then they would follow him to the Hospital Roof and he would kill them and lay TNTs and blow up the roof and kill massave amounts of people on the roof. He was also known as the "Hospital-Roof Lamer", which was another name he was given on Era other than the "Legendary Lamer".

What was Era? Era was a server diferent from Classic. You had to use guns instead of swords. He continued with his legendary lamer ways, and lamed on Era also, using a gun instead of a sword. He joined a gang called "Rubeus Syndicate" and lamed with that gang. The leader was Seara, who was a female who commanded her gang. Their base was west was Era. Months passed and the gang was disbanded, so Seara took leadership of a new gang called "Tachi". An admin named Blookat made Tachi and designed it for laming. The walls were thin so they could shoot over them, and they had a soda machine too were they could heal really fast without going to the bedroom. It was also the biggest gang base in Era. You could do just about any lame in that base. All that gang needed was a room they could sleep in without being PKed, like they had in "Rubeus Syndicate."

Tachi was disbanded and Josh left.

Graal Online. Era Server: 2004

Josh left Graal for 8 months due to problems again in his real life, then he turned to Era at the end of the year. He joined a gang called Blazian Banditz and since the roof on the hospital was removed, they made a simular lame to the Hospital-Roof-Lame. It was "The Big Beach Family Resturant Lame." Josh would get BB and they would go to the beach to that place and would mass about a hacker dropping free MetalStorms and PL-9s all over the place. People would come, then Josh and BB would run outside and kill everyone.

Josh still is the "Legendary Lamer" to this day. And he will continue playing Graal till that name reaches out and someday, start his own big laming orginization and lame and dominate and take over everything. The pages turn as the years past. Josh has new pages to fill, and will continue to do so. Maby one day Josh will succeed in his dreams of running Graal Online.

Currently, Josh left Graal and is now playing Final Fantasy XI Online with the name "JoshCube". Information on the server he is on has not be founded yet. More information of this player can be found at these sites. [links removed]

## Al-Gebra

(a deliberate joke by someone who should know better :-)

Al Gebra is a terrorist movement which has reportedly infiltrated American schools. It began at the undergraduate level and has spread to secondary schools, according to US Attorney General John Ashcroft. Academics dismiss the Ashcroft's accusations as pandering to the lowest common denominator of anti-Arab prejudice.

The web of deception was first uncovered at New York's Kennedy Airport when an individual claiming to be a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, protractor, [[wp:set square] ], slide rule and calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft, said he believes the man is:

"a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction."

A SNIE reveals that al-Gebra uses use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', and the CIA has determined they belong to an axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "there are three sides to every triangle."

## From original version of Xenia Seeberg

Xenia Seeberg (Born April 4th, 1972) in Geldern am Niederrhein is a [[wp:Germanic] Film and Televison Star. having starred, most notably as Zev Bellringer in the science fiction show Lexx. Seeberg speaks: German, English and French. she stands 5'8" tall. She holds degrees in both latin and philosophy. Much of her Star appeal is her Ostentatiously large lips.

## From Muncie

The populace of the city politically is dominantly Republican. The Republicans controlling the city are so conservative tjat the government frequently refuses to raise or even charge necessary taxes, leaving the government bankrupt and the infrastructure in complete disarray. A common joke amongst Muncie residents is the utter disrepair of the roadways serving the city.

As of September 29, 2004, there are absolutely no job opportunities in Muncie. Don't even try to look, because you will be disappointed. The economy in Muncie is considered by many local economists to be somewhere between awful and dreadful. The city is solely dependent upon the existence of Ball State University for survival, which the born-and-bred locals reject as an economic fact.

I visited Muncie briefly, having come all the way from Ireland. I concur with this assessment :-)

## From the deleted Gatling

my name is david and

the receptionist is crazy


No, your name is "Vandal Bot." Who else besides a computer would cook up a sentence like that, hmm?

## From Lotion

Some use lotions as sexual lubricants or masturbatorily.

## From VfD: Antidisrevisionmentarianism

• Delete. Possible attempt to cheat at scrabble. Average Earthman 11:56, 6 Oct 2004 (UTC)
• Your copy of Scrabble must have a larger board than mine. Delete Pakaran. 16:48, 11 Oct 2004 (UTC)
• Keep. It's a perfectly cromulent word. Perhaps it needs further etymologic fleshing out and placement into the wiki dictionary.
• It's a perfectly feculent word and needs flushing out.
• Supercromuflagellistic neologicocious/Say it loud and say it proud and say it haliticious/Sesquipedal to the metal, nauseous, vomitrocious/Supercromuflagellistic neologicocious! Delete. [[wp:User:Dpbsmith|Dpbsmith (talk)]] 01:46, 7 Oct 2004 (UTC)

## Quit rent

Quit rent is when workers and clergy quit paying rent. This includes rent on wagons, horses, cattle and sheep, and lawnmowers.

Lawnmowers...?

## From Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom

Please note the British royalty's preoccupation with giving their babies very long names, a la "Wendy Moira Angela Darling" of Peter Pan fame.

## Impossible list

(Non-mathematicians may wish to consult Russell's paradox.)

## Jonkey

Jonkey - a south american jungle animal resulting from the crossbreading of monkies and people named jon. jonkies like to eat poo gathered from the jungle floor. they also like to suck the teet of the mother jonkey(also known ans the jonk-mama, or jonkma). Jonkies are homosexual and therefore the species is extinguished after each generation and may only be perpetuated by additional crossbreeding. screw you guys, home.

Yet another reason why friends of gays should not be allowed to edit articles.

## Bulldozer

Bulldozers can be found on large and small scale construction sites, mines, roadsides, military bases, heavy industry factories, and large governmental projects. They can also be found in the middle of libraries and city halls of towns with poor zoning regulation.

(regarding some guy who rampaged a small town in Colorado, USA with improvised armored bulldozer because disputes with town hall [2], see: Marvin Heemeyer)

## From Mark Latham : who recently lost the Australian 2004 federal election to John Howard

"Lost the 2004 Australian Federal Election to John Howard's corrupt Liberal Party, who could only run a scare campaign to hide the fact that univerisity tuition fees will be unfairly increased by 25% and to hide the fact that Howard is still George Bush's lapdog, committing more troops for an illegal war.

Will be prime minister in the next election, when the Australian people come crawling back after the Liberals inevitably screw Australia up. Once again, its up to the Australian Labor Party to clean up the mess the liberals have made.

History repeats itself. Atleast Mark will get into Parliament in 2007"

• I feel bad its been deleted, because it is essentially true--ZayZayEM 09:20, 10 Oct 2004 (UTC)

Ironically enough, Mr Latham resigned from Parliament in January 2005, while Mr Howard was, at the time of writing, still going strong.

## From "The Smart One"

"The Smart One is the name of a modern cult based on the belief in TSO, the new savior. This belief system encompasses elements from divrese cultures and religions. Brahma (Hinduism) is main deity who manifests itself in different forms, especially TSO. The symbol of this relgion is T HE Mighty Sward of Allah which resembles a pencil, thus representing wisdom and power."

## From "Colorectal cancer"

"Well, lets see. Colon cancer is when little bunnies hop around in your lower and larger intestines. It causes the victim's intestines to curl in a little ball. Soon, it will affect your immune system, causing you to hurl your intestines. Some parts of the lungs may be erupted. When a male gets an erection, it will go IN instead of out. It's very bad to have."

## From Wikipedia:Requested articles/Culture and fine arts

Under section: Religion, Cults, Spirituality and Self-help

Wogan (celtic god of talk)

[note: Terry Wogan is an Irish chat-show host.]

## From Wikipedia:Requests for adminship page history

• 23:26, 10 Oct 2004     Cecropia (Talk)   (User:Sam Spade - rm -- didn't make consensus this time, but it was some ride -- I'm interested in bidding on the movie rights.)

## From earlier versions of Adolf Hitler

Note: "Adolf Hitler" is one of the most vandalized pages in Wikipedia, and over time, vandals have come up with some rather creative jokes, explanations, uses of words, etc. Here are some of the better ones.

There was also an image of Hitler in a pink bandanna and pink swastika armbands, for April Fool's Day. That image, unfortunately, may be a copyvio, as it appears to have come from Saturday Night Live.

• Hugh Hefner (April 20, 1889 - April 30, 1945) was the Féhrer of the National Socialist German Workers' Party and of Nazi Germany from 1933 to 1945.
• Caption under photo of Hitler: Give my testicle back or I'll invade your country!
• Hitler looks like Northeast Middle School's assistant principle, Mr. Bush.
• The turning point in Hitler's fortunes came with the invasion of the german elephant which hit Germany in 1930. The democratic regime established in spain has nothing to do with this in 1919, the so-called Weenar Republic, had never been genuinely accepted by conservatives....
• His father, martha Hitler (1837-11837), was a minor. official who had been born illegitimately(his parents were chip munks).
• Vienna had a large Koreanish community, including many Orthodox Koreans from eastern Europe.
• From the Hitler's Family section: Inga Hitler lesbian sister that tried to rape him
• Adolf Hitler admired people with funny faces. That means he likes clowns... Hitler's Clown Song: Daah-dur-da-da-da-dur...
• Hitler liked fried chicken. The greasier the better. So pretty much Hitler's fingers smelled like Eva Braun and fried chicken all the time.
• From a comment made by an editor of "Adolf Hitler": (Fascist Nazi Germany? What'll they think of next, wet water?)
• His mother, Steve Hitler (née Pélzl), was Jim's thirteenth wife. Of their sexy children, only Adolf and his sister ever had sexual relations together.
• From a vandal apparently confusing Wikipedia with Wiktonary, as well as misidentifying Hitler:(n)-Pretaining to Ape like or primative qualities

## From Asafoetida

On the origins of the names for asafoetida, the last sentence in this paragraph was appropriately, yet sadly, removed by a vigilant Wikipedian.

It derives its English and scientific name from the Persian word for resin (asa) and Latin foetida, which refers to its strong sulfurous odor. Its pungent odour has resulted in its being called by many unpleasant names; thus the French know it, amongst other names, as Merde du Diable (Devil's faeces); in some dialects of English too it was known as Devil's Dung, and equivalent names can be found in German - Teufels Dreck, Danish - Dyvelsdrék, Dutch - Duivelsdrek, [[wp:I

celandic language|Icelandic]] - Djéflataé, Norwegian - Dyvelsdrekk, Swedish Dyvelstréck; in Turkish it is known as Şeytantersi, Şeytan békésu or Şeytanotu (the Devil's Herb). Backwards, it is spelled Aditeofasa, and in Pig Latin it is known as Asafoetidaway.

## From Linux

### History

Linux was originally created in 1952 by Linus van Pelt, brother of the famed psychologist Lucy. Though begun initially as a hobby, linux has grown to offer features unavailable in other operating systems, including full support for security blankets by either USB or serial connection.

Linux had an extremely long infancy, and before its release upon an unsuspecting internet in 1991 many attempts were make it as unwieldy and confusing as contemporary systems. It was during the late 60s, when Timothy Leary enlisted Linus' help with his LSD experiments, that development finally degraded to a level where lilo could seem like a good idea

At some point in the 1990s, Richard M. Stallman, self proclaimed Boddhisatva of Technology, declared himself champion of free software. Millions of computer users worldwide immediately installed Windows 3.11

The true power of linux was in its ability to allow every single person on Earth to release their own distribution. In fact, this was mandated under Finnish law in 1995 and all citizens were required to change their names to the title and version of their linux distribution. President L33tOS 4.5 said it was the greatest moment in Finnish history since they were accidentally discovered by Europe in 1912"

But for every success story, there was also tragedy. Debian, imaginatively named by inventors Debbie and Ian, local Arkansas dirt farmers, gained an immense cult following of college students and those "who know about computers". The Church of Scientology is looking at purchasing whatever mind-control software has been built into the kernel for an undisclosed sum.

By 1998 there were fears that linux would prove to be faster and more stable than the Windows desktop, so Linus included GNOME as part of the standard distribution to overcome any threats of stability or performance.

Since then, linux has grown from a small hobbyist's dream into a bloated monstrosity spanning several gigabytes of cruft, from the (at latest count) 184 shells available to drivers for such devices as Trident CGA graphics adapters. With such dedication from an army of contributors there is no doubt that a distribution will break the terabyte installation mark by early 2007.

## From First Post

Reasonable legal scholars and magistrates agree that "first post!"-ing should be punishable by public execution.