Damn it, Jim, I'm a Bad Joke, not Other Deleted Nonsense
From Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense
Damn it, Jim, I'm a Bad Joke, not Other Deleted Nonsense
- Reference to: "Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not an [other role]", from Star Trek
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From the Sandbox, but too cool for In-Sand-ity
Snappy Answers to Life's tough Questions
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Stupidity.
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? You're right. We should instead say "slept like a highly-doped baby".
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? I object to all this sex on the television. I mean, I keep falling off!
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Stupidity.
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? Cause it's easy to find pretty people. It's hard to find ugly, naive, gullible politicians.
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. So they can take picutres from behind the one-way wall.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? No, they call it "squiggly soup".
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? No, it's called a "CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THE MUTHAF*CKIN WORDS COMMIN OUT OF MY MOUTH??"
What disease did cured ham actually have? That's easy. AIDS.
Why do buffalo wings taste like chicken? Because if they tasted like guacamole, that'd just be silly.
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always clear? They're not clear. They're opacity challenged.
Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free? Only the free ones.
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Matresses do not exist. They're all in your imagination.
Where do forest rangers go to "Get away from it all"? McDonalds.
Whatever happened to Preparation A through G? They melted the assholes off whoever used them. And the only time we want deformed assholes is when we're choosing a president.
If a cow laughed hard, would milk come out of her nose? No, human blood would.
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? Because "onety-one" is 0x11, equal 1710 . Ha!
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up...what did he go back to? Bed.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Depends on whether they used Preparation B or not.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? Ghostbusters!
Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Because if it came in a penis-shaped box, people would complain.
Why don't women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans? OK, you got me there.
If we're here to help other people, what are the other people here for? To be expendible. Ever heard of a "redshirt"?
Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"? Light and dark are one and the same. Just ask Darth.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? Depends on what it's sucking.
Why do we say "Something is out of whack". What is a whack? WHACK': 1) a substance that, when an item has enough of it, works properly. 2) an Italian phallic-enhancer.
Why do "Tug" boats push their barges? Pulling is a kind of pushing...right, Fighter?
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? How do you keep an idiot busy again?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? Stupidity.
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? No. That's a dumb question. We all know that Toads sit on chairs.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Because we all evolved from Jack. And Jack ain't comin back, no more, no more, no more, no more.
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Stupidity.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? He's one of the Military men who runs everything in the universe...like General Electric, General Knowledge, General Mayhem, General Stupidity, and Colonel Sanders.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice? The same thing that happens if you get beaten half to death twice.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 'Cause it's polite.
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? No. If you do, General Electric will come and kill you.
What do chickens think we taste like? French fries and low self-esteem.
What do people in China call their good plates? "Dat nice plate."
What do you call a male ladybug? Queer.
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? "Follicly Challenged".
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? Mauve.
What color is a chameleon on a mirror? Pink.
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Cause he was busy with the lions who kept chasing after the antelopes and the jack russel terriers who kept humping his legs.
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? The same reason you punch a hobo harder after you've felt his skull cave in.
If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil? Squezzing babies, of course. I used to do that as a part-time job, but I had to quit from high self-esteem.
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? He shaved it...duh!
How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are? Fairies drop them.
Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Well, I have a problem with hygeine...Oh, you were asking in general, right?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? I don't know. I just shoot my alarm clock anyway.
Why are they called "apartments" when they're stuck together? Cause they were meant to be apart, but someone got lazy.
Why there isn't a shorter word for monosyllabic? There is: "AIDS".
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there? I don't. I sing "You all suck serious ass!", a song of my own devising.
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? Well, one of the guys who came up with the names was a pimp...the other wasn't.
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same? Because the fat chance had lypo and became a slim chance.
What's the difference between flammable and inflammable? One has "in" in it.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Because he's a little broken to begin with, but if he loses my money, he will become much broker.
If people from Poland are called "poles", why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"? They are...they just don't know it.
Was it a cruel joke to put an "s" in the word "lisp"? Abtholutely.
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? Better question: where do sponges get their pants?!?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? No, they take smoke breaks.
Why women can't remember to leave the lid up? Women? Remember? HA!
Can fat people go skinny-dipping? I hope not.
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work? He uses a flamethrower.
Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations? Is that a trick question?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? I thought it was pronounced "Puh-hoe-en-ett-ick".
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? No. Adults do sometimes enjoy adultery with infants, though...
If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit? My pants.
What's the difference between null and void? Nullen Void was a philosopher who was imprisoned and executed for Tax Evasion.
What's another word for thesaurus? "BOOOOOOOK!!"
What's another word for synonym? "WOOOOOORD!!"
Is it possible to have a civil war? Ask Jeff Davis.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? My lengerie is very comfortable, thank you very much.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is this a hostage situation? Maybe. What do you think? I think it is. Do you? Yes.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless? No, he's homeless I've beaten him up and burned his house down.
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? No, but animals sometimes eat vegetarian crackers.
Why the alphabet is in that order? Because, to keep things orderly, they put things alphabetically.
What do batteries run on? A treadmill.
Would a fly without wings be called a walk? No, it would be called a kid's plaything.
What keeps electricity in the wall? Electrolocks.
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? Because they're all pre-washed.
What do you do if you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? KILL IT!!
Is it possible to be totally partial? John Kerry seems to think so.
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in? Boxes.
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? That's the date the cream will go good.
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Cause it's the law. Duh!
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? When they say "Hey, asshole! Tune me!"
What was the best thing before sliced bread? Sex.
If one swimmer on the synchronized swim team drowns..do they all have to too? Yeah. That's what makes it fun.
From Westboro Baptist Church
"God Hates Sweden"
In 2004, Phelps and his church began picketing all things Swedish in response to Fred's complete and utter hatred of Swedish home furnishing company IKEA. Fred's hatred began when Fred's family brought home some Swedish meatballs from the Food Court at their local IKEA store. During dinner, Fred began to choke on one of these Swedish meatballs. Though this did not kill Fred as everyone else wished it had, Fred still declared war on IKEA, saying that choking on balls had made him "look gay" and that he'd always thought that IKEA's furniture looked "a tad queer." To take a stand against IKEA, members of the WBC can be seen protesting outside the IKEA stores that Fred considers to be the most homosexual. They can be seen carrying signs with slogans such as "Swedish Meatballs are balls, and if you like balls, then you're a fag!" and "God thinks your furniture is too hard to assemble!" Many protesters from the church have ventured into IKEA stores to spread their word, only to be escorted out for "causing havoc, kicking over kitchen stools and throwing sofa cushions." The most extreme case of this was in 2005, when Fred Phelp's daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper was arrested for going into IKEA during protest and throwing a box of Swedish Meatballs at a member of staff. Fred has set up another site in protest to IKEA and all things Swedish, settling on the url "www.godhatessweden.com" after the url "www.godhatesfagassfurniture.com" was already taken.
From Pondok Indah ([1])
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From Sand ([2])
Transport
Sand is mainly tranported by a phenomina call Peter Chiapperino's feet syndrome, where the sand is transported by people walking on beaches, dunes, sand spits, sand bars, of the like and carrying it on their feet from one place to another. In most deserts, sand is a dominant constituent of the soil.
Discovery
Sand was first discovered by an Italian explorer named Peter Chiapperino in the year 976 BC. He was the leader of an trade expedition from Italy, trying to find new herbs and spices. One day he came upon a desert, and fell and got a grainy like substance in his hand. He yelped loudly about to cuss, but him being a family man he changed what he said to "Shand!"
A few months later when he returned to his homeland in Sunaoka Italy, he presented King Kawakami a hand full his shand. King Kawakami had a speech impediment, and couldn't pronouce the word "shand" and renamed it "sand."
From every Sunday then on, King Kawakami invited his friends every week for supper, and gave the sand to his notable guests such as Squire Teddius Joblesius of the Salted Lakes, and Princess Meganeesus of Tortugan Bay. Within fifty years, sand mulitplied and spread across the world.
Reproduction
Soon after the discovery, Italian explorerer Peter Chiapperino was ordered by King Kawakami of Sunaoka Italy to study sand. In his studying he discovered that one can breed sand by taking male granules of sand and squeezing them really tight and firm. This causes a reaction of a fluidic gas to excrete from the male granule. When this fluidic gas is mixed with a female granule in a matter of seconds the female granule will split into two pieces, forming one male and one female. So if a handful of sand were taken in the hand, the odds are that half would be male, and half would be female. This process is called Yrotcaf Ittehgaps or YI for short. YI occurs naturally on beaches mainly, but if it were never for great explorers such as Peter Chiapperino, we would never have sand anywhere, including Hawaii!
Interesting Facts
1. All sand in hour glasses are male pieces of sand.
2. All sand orginated from Egypt.
3. All sand is green, but because of light refracting off its crystaline shell, it appears sand colored.
from Jimbo wales logs
Not sure if this has been here before but I found somthing intresting in JimboWales logs:
- 22:17, 19 January 2006 Celestianpower (Talk | contribs) blocked "Jimbo Wales (contribs)" with an expiry time of 1 second (I just /had/ to block you for disruption per WP:ANI)
- 14:47, 12 December 2005 Dan100 (Talk | contribs) unblocked Jimbo Wales (contribs) (OOPS!)
- 14:46, 12 December 2005 Dan100 (Talk | contribs) blocked "Jimbo Wales (contribs)" with an expiry time of indefinite
---Scott3 Talk Contributions Count: 950+ 22:18, 11 September 2006 (UTC)
From List of Disney villains
- The Crocodile (Peter Pan)
- That certain giant lizard (All disney films) NOTE: Actually gets bored of the movie and tries to feast on the flesh of all the disney characters.
Balfouria - testament from a resident
A small but funky Moshav in Israel's Jezreel Valley.
...
Balfouria combines active agriculture with industry, specializing in exports of dog food and diapers. It is also one of the main supppliers of baby watermelons. Balfouria also keeps assorted livestock, including water buffaloes. These animals are much loved by the inhabitants of the moshav, who tend them diligently. Once a year, a beast is sacrificed at the annual harvest celebration, in the spirit of the Second Temple.
The President of Israel, Moshe Katsav, recently (2006) proclaimed Balfouria to be far superior to the city of karmiel in all aspects of life. Of course, since he is currently under trial for sexual harassment, which may have affected his sense of judgement, one would be wise not to assign too much importance to this proclamation. On the other hand, his extremely high IQ(176 points) is a fact to be reckoned with.
Recently new mail boxes were installed, an event which created a lot of excitement in the small village.
(Excerpted from [3]. -nadav 01:15, 12 September 2006 (UTC))
5000BC
The village is quiet now, just a scant few murmurs slipping through the low doors and fading in the waning heat as the sun heads toward the distant dunes. Already wind is blowing sand between the huts, erasing footprints and covering sighs; in a few months, this place will be just another dune.
She steps delicately over a pair of outstretched legs, around the huddled shape leaning against a reed and clay wall. Leaning, she pulls at a stiffening arm, retrieves a wrapped bundle. The infant is already desiccated; there is nothing there anymore. She places it back in the mother's arms.
A soft moan emanates from another home. The animal's head pulls up; nostrils flare, ears flicker, then focus towards the sound. Silently she pads to the doorway, ducking her head to look in.
The moan has devolved into soft sobbing, and even that stills as the woman lying prone on the reed mat sights her stooping form at the entrance, silhouetted by the reddening evening. Even though her eyes are disfocused, the long, graceful lyre is clearly visible, shining like moonlight above the visitor's head. Tawny fur is a halo; tawny eyes glow even through the nighttime inside the hut.
On the floor, realization flickers in dark eyes as she lingers on the threshold. The dry mouth opens, lips cracking, but all that escapes is unshaped wind. In a stride, the newcomer is at her side, dropping to all fours. A blood-crusted hand reaches out, darkened talons just protruding from heavy, padded fingertips as she caresses the side of the woman's face; the curve of the trembling cheek barely fills the hollow of her palm. The hand drops down to the heaving chest, centers over the heart. The woman grows quiet, calm; she doesn't flinch as the talons suddenly extend to three-inch scimitars and dig between ribs, into her chest, into her heart. Her face is peaceful as her eyes glaze and her soul parts ways with the dust.
From the doorway, there is a weak sound. The killer twists around, eyes narrowing; intrusion is not often something she experiences, but in this place, it does not surprise her to be sought out.
A wasted frame fails to block the light. The boy staggers through the opening, dropping a short stone knife on the ground. She has him by the bony shoulders before he can follow it down. She must bend to bring her massive head close to his; as the nostrils snuffle his face, his hair, his neck, the bittersweet metallic of blood wafts over him. Her mouth gapes half-opened as she scents, and yellowed ivory is visible in two great curves down, two smaller curves upwards from the heavy jaw.
She pulls her head back again, locks his dark eyes with her golden. The mouth opens wider, fangs baring, then hidden behind the black, writhing lips. A sound, somewhere between purr and growl, issues forth, and is broken in the middle by words; the jagged, rough edges suggest that speech is unfamiliar, and difficult. "No fearrrr," she rumbles, a statement or a question. The boy shakes his head very slightly. Then he fades, his lids fluttering. She rumbles a deeper, satisfied note, and presses her mouth to his for a long moment; it leaves a stain behind, wet and red.
Throwing him over her shoulder, she emerges into the last of the day, and moves in long, smooth strides, back as she had come. Passing the still, dusted form against the wall, she pauses; brow furrowing, she looks at her burden, and moves him until his head rests upon one brawny shoulder, his body held tightly to her chest. This position makes him more cumbersome, but somehow she knows it is right. She moves into the darkness, ignoring the sounds of the jackals. They are no threat to her.
Practitioner of a dance form!!
Hema Malini is a dedicated practitioner of Bharatnatyam, South Indian classical dance.
From Bill Cosby
Bill Cosby is one of the United States' most popular and admired entertainers, known for his wit and warmth both onstage and off, as well as his constant attribution to his success to The game Pokémon. Bill Cosby was also an active participant in the Great Robo Wars of 2837. He not only was able to stop the Super Soviet advances from the 23rd Mechanized Anti-Jello brigade in the 9th sector of Jupiter, but he also single-handedly pushed back an Omega Nazi blitzkrieg using his customized thermo-nuclear jello rail gun grafted to his right arm. He also challenged Robo-Hitler or possesion of the long sought after Treasure of Cyber Tom Cruise to a 1-on-1 game of Tiddlywinks. There were no survivors. with the fnizzle izzshizzle ba bizzle and the Jell-O
Bill Cosby enjoys an array of Pudding snacks in his spare time with his family. Theo, Cosby's son, enjoys spending time with his father in playing games of: Eat the Pudding, Zibady Zab drink that pudding, and Go eat that Pudding Again. While Bill Cosby may be one of the funniest voices around, he plays the role of James Bond in films.. TWICE. Bill Cosby sometimes goes by the alias of Michael Jordan when he is undercover making sure those kids who say the darndest things don't say his darndest identity. He wishes for all children to say things that count, not just those darndest moments he lives to hate. While kids may say the darndest things, Cosby quotes, "You got to know how the kids like to live and live with the pudding with the kids."
His long time friend is named Mathew Mooney and currently resides in South Carolina.
In an earlier episode of the Simpsons, the character Bleeding Gums Murphy is shown to have made an appearance on "the Cosby Show" as a long-lost grandfather. when Cosby's children said "we already have several grandpas, and they're all jazz musicians!", Cosby responded with "Ooooh! you see, the kids, they listen to the rap music which gives them the brain damage! With their hippin' and the hoppin' and the bippin' and the boppin', so they don't know what the jazz is all about!". In a later episode of the Simpsons, "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" is parodied with the following conversation:
Cosby: Now my good man, what do you like to play? Little boy: "Pokemon! Cosby: Pokeyman! Pokeyman with the Pokey and the Man and the thing where the guy comes out of the thing, and he makes a fraaagh fr fra aagh aagh aagh! Family Guy also parodied "the Cosby Show" by showing Cosby's son on the show complaining that he got a girl pregnant, and Cosby speaking jibberish. in another episode, Stewie goes on "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" and his hypno-goggles are stolen by Cosby, who continues speaking jibberish.
In early 2005, Cosby was shortly re-united with his long lost great grandson's gay partner Rouslan Sabirzianov. But the family reunion was short lived as the young man soon suffered alcohol poisoning from consuming 3 litres of bourbon in under 2 hours. Cosby attended the funeral dressed in white, showing his respect for the non-african-american relative.
In the beginning of Billy C's(Bill Cosby, as he is now known) music career, his soulful lyrics and deadbeat, who-gives-a-care attitude attracted all kinds of attention. Billy C got his big break when the very popular rap artist, Dr. Dre, asked him to sing a duet. Billy C agreed and the platinum hit, Dr. Dre Ft. Cosby was born. Billy C later changed his name back to Bill Cosby and starred on many childrens show.
Later, after appearing on a number of children's shows, Bill Cosby became a lawyer, working as an underling for the young lawyer Phoenix Wright. After questioning a young girl about the appearance of a crook, the young girl replied "He had a big stupid doo doo head." With this, Bill Cosby went insane and died.
bill cosby was a big pimp and will be missed my lots of ppl we are so sry for you mr.cosby
Porch monkies......FOR EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2
PORCH MONKEY 4 LYFE
Thinking cap
A thinking cap is usually an expression which means a hat worn on the head that helps your thoughts flow. Most are green, red, yellow, and red, and are triangular. They have little green ear flaps.
"4kids are the Devil"
This is actually about a Pokémon anime episode.
In the English version of the anime on episode 130, "The Whistle Stop", near the end when Ash is trying to save Ledyba from Team Rocket, James calls out Victreebel and it bites him in the usual fashion. This time his pleas for Victreebel to let go of him are nonsesense. However when played backwards it is shown that James actually exclaims that "4kids are the Devil." How this came to be in the episode is unknown.
From Cadmium pigments
Cadmium Yellow is also the color of broken dreams.
From Judaism
Judaism is the religion of the Jewish people. (That's funny. Judaism doesn't look Jewish.)
As YHWH himself was originally a war God ("YHWH of the hosts"), the worship of fertility gods such as Baal (or the Baalim) was attractive once the Israelites had settled down (after which YHWH became the mascot of the Israelite football team, for which YHWH smited a few Israelites).
Modern Orthodox is a common traditional form of Judaism, which has a broad adherence to historic traditions, and practices, and worship and belief in traditional form, except that the people like to visit delis, wear baseball caps, and eat bagels and lox on Shabbat afternoons.
(A characteristic of the Reform Movement) is its rejection of the binding nature of Jewish ceremonial law as such and instead believing that individual Jews should exercise an informed autonomy about what to observe, unless they are in a frathouse, in which case every day is Purim and they get drunk.
(On Sukkot) They (Jews) decorate it (a sukkah) with fruit and vegetables and play country/Western music at dances, called "hoedowns". The roof is made of pine tree branches so that you can see the stars through the ceiling. Jews all around the world eat and sleep in this Sukkah, freezing their butts off, for 7 days and nights.
(On Rosh Hashanah) Bobbing for honey apples is customary, as is pouring applesauce on each other.
(Purim) is characterized by public recitation of the Book of Esther, giving mutual gifts of food and drink, giving charity to the poor, and a celebratory meal (Esther 9:22); other customs include drinking alcohol, wearing of masks and costumes, and huge joyus and sometimes wild parties. In short, Jews hire a frat and pretend they're in a frathouse, which amounts to the same thing.
In "Lifecycle Events": Brit milah - Welcoming male babies into the covenant through the rite of circumcision on their eighth day of life (if the mohel is bad, a castration, eeeww!).
Fun with Pope Benedict XVI: Arrange things so his skullcap reads BAR/BAT MITZVAH OF {your favorite relative), (MONTH)(DAY)(YEAR) on the underside. That'll REALLY have the Vatican in cackles! (Better yet, label it "Bar Mitzvah of Joseph Ratzinger...")
Many congregations, especially larger ones, also rely on a:
- Gabbai (sexton) - Calls people up to the Torah, appoints the shatz for each prayer session if there is no standard shatz, and makes certain that the synagogue is kept clean and supplied.
- Baby - Cries and whines in the sanctuary during services, the purpose of which is to annoy people.
From 9/11 conspiracy theories
Osama bin Laden
Elvis reportedly saw Osama bin Laden sitting on the grassy knoll aiming a couple of howitzers at the World Trade Center from a UFO, but unfortunately for Osama, Bigfoot came along and stopped him from making a shot during the Kennedy assassination - I mean 9/11.
The purpose of life
I haven’t written for awhile now. Mostly when I do write, there is something I want to learn or remind myself. I want to write down the thoughts that go through my head. I am not writing for anyone other than for myself. I believe that I know little about life. I know that there are many others who have been through much more than me and they compiled their life experiences in journals and books that they write. That is why I love to read so much. Within each book, there are valuable lessons each person can learn through someone else’s experiences. I don’t believe that there’s one way of doing things or one right way of things. However, I do believe that I can accumulate a bundle of data from different people and analyze what is right or what is good for me in order to live the best possible life for me.
Some say, life has no purpose. We come to this world with nothing and we leave it with nothing. There is no heaven and there is no hell. Everything we do is pointless because in the end, we will die and we can’t take anything with us. Then, to these people, life is simply an experience. Everything comes and then goes. Some measure their successes in life through the accumulation of riches. They formulate riches equaling power and control. To these people, they are thinking to about other people in this context "You aren't good enough, you aren't smart enough, so let me run your life for you."
And, there are childish men who measure success by the number of women they sleep with. Such frivolty exists not only to teenagers but to older men in their senior years. I know, I met many men in their 50s still NOT “getting it”. What these men don’t realize is that having empty sex is the same thing as masturbation. They let their dicks do their thinking for them instead of their hearts and their heads.
We've all been unconsciously brainwashed with what success is in life with what is fed to us through social interactions or through the way we were brought up by our parents or the media. We’re blinded by what success means to someone else versus the reality.
Here is what success and the purpose of life mean to me… Each person is placed on this planet with no proper guidance and purpose. Instead, we are placed on a rock that circles the sun on a constant pace embracing to the sky at night and praying to something we call Hope. We ask, "What on Earth are we doing here?" Certainly, there has to be more than to life than merely existence. If that's the case, why do get these things call Emotions and Imaginations? The very thing that separates Human Beings from rocks and animals is in our ability to think, feel and imagine.
We’re placed on earth with no guidelines and no purpose. So, combining all our “God” given abilities, we wrote our own set of rules and our own guidelines on how we can coexist with one another instead of fighting one another to ensure our continual existence until one day, one day we find the REAL meaning of life.
Just as a piece of paper is meaningless on it’s own with nothing written on it, our life is the same. How we got here, we don’t really know and no one really cares in the end. It is the story that we write to our children and our children’s children that determines the purpose of life. WE ARE SO CAUGHT UP in the ending all the time, we ALWAYS forget the process. It is the process that matters in life. Because when you leave this place, this world we call Earth, you can’t take anything with you. It is how you lived that makes your life fulfilling. In the end, no one’s going to remember how much money you made, or how many women you sleep with, or what you owned or said. What they remember is how you lived! How brightly your life shines like the stars that lit up the sky.
I want you to imagine something. Imagine that you are at a funeral. Imagine it is your own funeral. Imagine that you are already dead. What is it that you want people to say about you? What is it that you want your children or your family remembers you by? What’s important is not how you enter this world, you didn’t have a choice when you came here. You were brought here not out of your own will. But you have a choice of HOW you live it.
Fernando Gonzolas
Fernando Gonzolos is without a doubt the biggest superstar in the wide world of cycling as we know it today. He has accomplished many great feats including conquering the mighty Mount Everest, Riding through a searing hot volcano, ( this adventure left Fernando scarred and deformed... he lost his leg on this journey but through funding from his sponsor Diadora and thanks to stem cell research he has now grown back his leg and more. he now has 2 hearts.
Fernando was born in 1979 on the third on March at a Spanish hospital named Gorencha Muzo. He was born rather pre-maturely but soon recovered from this and quickly found his love for cycling. One of his first ever adventures in his Chronicals saw him jump off angel falls in Brazil and land it. Pretty Wicked huh! Well that's not all he soon progressed up in the world of cycling and after riding across Antarctica the Huge world wide brand Diadora started to notice him and quickly snatched up his talent from other compition brands such as Huckley, Bewglet and Douglas. We now all look up to such a man as he for all his talent comes from his hard perserverance and a pair of perfectly chiseled Calf muscles.
In his latest Journeys he is to under take his most dangerous chapter in his Chronicles yet. He is attempting to ride on the ocean floor from Brisbane to Hawaii to California to Rio De Janiro to Cape town (in South Africa) to Perth then over the middle of Australia where we'll see him ride the great ULARU, then through the Opal Mines of Mount Isa and Back to Brisbane. this might sound highly dangerous and stupid and it is. Fernando will have nothing else but himself, his bike (Diadora - of course) and his few precious belongings in his pack. We only know that he always keeps a picture of his equally famous surfer brother of whom we all know as "The Dirty Mexican". The rest of his pack is a mystery.
We've also dug up some dirt that he is going to attempt to ride into the mouth of an active volcano in Japan.
If you're interested in such a Man then you should visit www.diadora.com. It's a great sight for some interesting facts on Fernando's Sponsor "Diadora"
Iceberg Lettuce extinction
Iceberg lettuce is in danger of becoming extinct due to global warming. It comes from the icebergs, which may very well be melted in the coming years. Along with them, the iceberg lettuce will also melt. Throughout the past couple years, iceberg lettuce has been getting smaller and smaller.
(From Lettuce)
Excerpts from Round and Round
It offers a catchy melody around a hook-laden riff. The song was masterfully written, performed, and produced, even drawing comparisons to the work of the Beatles with its flawless execution of post-WWII pop rock. To be sure, the song quickly established Ratt as a force to be reckoned with in the realm of music and stands as an eternal testament to their golden era during the mid-1980s.
The song serves as a definitive manifesto for the ideological trajectory of the band. It's shamleless embrace of Absolute Idealism offers a striking juxtaposition to the popular worldviews of the day, including nihilism, existentialism, and social relativism.
However, Ratt cannot be neatly catogorized as simple Neo Hegelians. Their work is rooted in Antiphon's rhetoric much more than Platonic discourse. Even then, Ratt also offered a new take on philosophy that can be ascribed to no one but Ratt, making them true originals.
This also reflected in their music, as their brand of rock was based on influences different than that of their peers. However, they can be seen as helping evolve the musical landscape all their own, again in deep contrast to other artists of their time.
Music Video
The video conveys Ratt's desire to rebel against the ivory tower elites who'd usurped control over all matters of popular discourse. Ratt co-opted Ronald Reagan's message of restoring power to the people, as opposed to the stuffy pseudo-intellectual liberal academics who'd asserted themselves (along with their blasé rhetoric) during the 1960s and 1970s. However, Ratt's take on this view is rooted in rebellion from oppression and therefore anti-authoritarian. Though Reagan fought off tyranny through his geopolitical policies, his was premised on a restoration of popular worldview to an older from of idealization ("The American Dream"). Ratt didn't neccesarily discount the archetype, but they did offer an entirely different take on the concept.
Trivia
- Different songs under the same name were played by Aerosmith and David Bowie, although the three songs have very few similarities. Ironically, both Aerosmith and David Bowie are widely regarded as prototypes for the "Ratt and Roll" revolution of the mid-1980s.
- The song makes Shakespearian allusions, most notably to his famed play Romeo and Juliet in the line: I've got a way, we're gonna prove it tonight, like Romeo to Juliet.
- "Round and Round" is played at several sporting events and county/state fairs to this very day.
From Mariah Carey
Just look at some of her "number one" singles...
Bad geometry! (Note: This entry has nothing to do with Bad Astronomy)
From Hoggish Greedly
Greedly's appearance was loosely based on that of Ryan Hoyes--a native of Philadelphia, PA. It is unknown what--if any--compensation Hoyes recieved for his participation in the design of the character.
Some Things to Consider About User:Jersyko
- Following a good deal of POV pushing and real-life legal threats over whether a notable local musician should be included in Memphis, a disgruntled, banned user posted the following message on another user's page ([4]):
- Jersyko is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement, as Vary, and a sense of invulnerability and untouchability in Wikipedia.
- Jersyko has a deep-seated contempt of other users, especially new users, in contrast to his or her professed compassion for Wikipedia.
- Jersyko is a control freak, as user Vary, and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start editing knowledgeably about a topic they oppose - but aggressively maintain the right to edit (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose if it becomes a personal issue against the new user.
- Jersyko and user Vary despise anyone, especially a new user, who enables another to see through their deception or mask of sanity, such as new user Boodro has done. Jersyko has falsely accused this user of Sockpuppetry.
- Jersyko displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence.
- Jersyko shows a lack of joined-up thinking with textual conversation that doesn't flow and arguments that don't hold water.
- Jersyko flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you can't get through to him.
- Jersyko is, perhaps, a loner with few friends and needs a forum like this to bully others as an anon. Reneec made that option more attractive to him as he's removed anything that might clue the new user to his identity. See SCZenz page Official Songs of Memphis Tennessee.
- Jersyko is beguiling and is always plausible and convincing when peers, cronies, superiors or others are present allowing him to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy.
- Jersyko is glib, shallow and superficial with plenty of fine text and lots of form - but no substance.
- Jersyko will attempt to outmanoeuvre new users in verbal textual interaction, especially at times of conflict, giving him the opportunity to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call him to account on a matter.
- Jersyko is arrogant, haughty, high-handed, and a know-all.
- Jersyko appears to gain gratification from denying new users what they are entitled to upon verifiable entry.
- Jersyko often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray himself as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person in his user talk, in contrast to his behaviour and treatment of new users; Jersyko sees nothing wrong with his behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how he likes to be seen and how he is seen by new users.
- Jersko is mean-spirited to new users, officious, and often unbelievably petty.
- Jersyko often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him, as Reneec had attempted to demonstrate with an isolated fact separated from the whole in the song matter.
- Jersyko has imposed a false reality considering new users Reneec and Boodro made up of distortion and fabrication.
- Jersyko is embittered when challenged, seething with resentment, irritated by others' failure to fulfill his superior sense of entitlement, and fuelled by anger resulting from rejection. Jersyko displays an obsessive, compulsive and self-gratifying urge to displace his uncontrolled textual aggression onto new users whilst exhibiting an apparent lack of insight into his behavior, the issues at hand, and its effect. Is it possible that jealousy and envy motivate Jersyko to identify a competent and popular individual David Saks, and a verifiable issue Official Songs of Memphis, which is then controlled and subjugated through projection of Jersyko's own inadequacy and incompetence in this forum ?
- Jersyko distorts, twists, concocts and fabricates criticisms and allegations, and abuses the disciplinary procedures - again, for control and subjugation, not for performance enhancement, and uses gossip and back-stabbing to spread rumours that undermine, discredit and isolate the truth.
- Jersyko wraps himself in a flag of Wiki-cronyism and usurps others' objectives, thereby nurturing compliance, reverence, deference, endorsement and obeisance; however, such veneration and allegiance is divisive, being a corruption for personal power which exhibits itself through the establishment of a clique, coterie, cabal, faction, or gang of bullies that intimidate new users with verifiable and conclusive objectives. Wikipedia is an assembly of plagiarists that steal other people's work - and the credit for it as well.
- Jersyko tends to regurgitate what others (especially superiors) say.
- Jersyko, as Vary, is adept at appropriating rules, regulations, procedures and Wiki-law to manipulate, control and punish new users regardless of relevance, logic, facts, consequences or verifiable matter when it threatens his need to control, manipulate and punish as it develops into an obsession with the hallmarks of an addiction.
- Jersyko exploits new users allowing him to excel at talentless mediocrity and favours, protects and promotes non-threatening sycophants whilst marginalizing and hindering the advancement of those who challenge him.
I've examined user Jersyko, carefully, and warn newcomers. This individual is insecure and sees others as a threat; the threat seems to comprise a fear of exposure, and borders on paranoia; the individual may have a paranoid personality. 66.239.212.31 19:08, 10 September 2006 (UTC)
From Basketball [5]
Basketball is the main feature in the 2005 novella 'Big Court in the sky' by George .L. Wilson. The book is a homosexual erotica, containing many graphic descriptions widely discredited by the basketball world as not true. The author Wilson or the 'Quad' as he is named in the book tries to let the world know about politics and love behind the scenes in basketball. The book sold very few copies and fortunately for the basketball industry the story didn't become wide spread.
From Myers Park High School
The Bathrooms
SC - (New Wing) - Because this is in one of the newer buildings its bathroom is better furnished and has more overall appeal. Nice tile on the floors and walls make it easy to clean, which it often is. The "push" faucets in for the sinks are certainly a nuisance but can be quickly mastered after years of experience.
1 Men's, 1 Women's
4th Overall (great size, location, and cleanliness make it one of MP's top 5)
(Old Wing) - These bathrooms show a significant amount of aging and what seems like less attention to cleanliness. Most doors shut and lock making them still somewhat manageable which is understandable considering they are the closest bathrooms to the Cafeteria
2 Men's, 2 Women's
7th Overall (location is very common, but for some reason it gets less attention than it deserves)
S Building - The only knock common to these bathrooms is availability. Although there are two for each gender (one on each floor), each bathroom only has 4 stalls (or combination of stalls and urinals), making for frequent lines. New to 2006 are the replacement of the old "push" faucets making them much more user friendly. Because of the proximity to classes, it is an absolute necessity that these are kept absolutely clean - and the custodial staff does so amazingly.
2 Men's, 2 Women's
5th Overall (although frequently clean and new, lower its appeal)
LA Building - An obvious artifact from the older campus. The entire LA building has 1 bathroom for each gender. Being the link from the lower campus to the upper campus, the LA building has the most traffic per minute between classes of all the buildings. If a student hopes to drop trow in the classic language building, he or she should arrive quickly! Lines are known to be commonly over 4-5 people long for the Men and easily reaching 10 for the women. All time records include 11 for the Men during the PSAT of '02 and 16 for the Women between Final Exams '04. Again, because so many people constantly use these restrooms, they are given much attention but are also trashed fairly quickly.
1 Men's, 1 Women's
8th Overall (most commonly used and it shows)
CB Building - Part of the lower campus, this building has two stories but only one squatspot for each Men and Women. Buried in the upper level like a cave, the lack of lighting can often resonate the same aura. These bathrooms commonly have technical malfunctions including broken flushers and broken faucets. Because they never have paper towels, it is obvious that the staff doesnt pay this one an adequate amount of attention.
1 Mens', 1 Women's
9th Overall (grossly under sized but relatively clean considering the traffic)
Math Building - The butt of all bathroom jokes. This place is a mess. Doors that dont close or lock, papertowel dispensers older than Mr. Eisenmann, and the memory of the $.25 a blow incident of '04, all taint this hole. Given that the Math building isn't one of the nicer buildings, it's bathrooms completely shame the Subject of Numbers. The location relative to the entrance to the building also create mass hysteria when lines begin to accumulate out each door. The Math's Can is notorious for being a place to not spend more than 90 seconds.
1 Men's, 1 Women's
13th Overall (horrid smelling, rust encompassed, and completely inadequate)
Vocational, Technical, Physics- The remainder of the lower campus each bring up the rest of the bottom 4 ranking just better than Math because each gets considerably less use than #13. The technical building's restrooms are quaint 2-seaters, which can cause major log-jams if closer bathrooms aren't used. The Vocational Building could easily be worse than Math building if it was more commonly used. Overall it lacks the facilities (2 person per bathroom), cleanliness, and useful appliances (ie mirrors). Physics, which falls between CB and Vocational, is the last of the old campus and although it's clearly dated an well overdue for a facelift, it is kept well stocked and lacks most traffic. All of the lower campus could deal with a few adjusted screws and fixed doors but overall if you are in the lower campus, you can definitely find a personal throne.
1 Men's, 1 Women's (each)
10th, 11th, 12th (old, but not as commonly used as others)
Auditorium - Not to be confused with the performing arts building, this entrance to MP's auditorium has some of the cleanest bathrooms. Placed on either side of the entrance, it is essential that these get thorough cleaning before and after each event held on the stage. Because not many classes are held in the auditorium itself, the doors are often locked to the entrance making these bathrooms highly inaccessible during school hours. If one were to input much energy into his task, he would definitely be rewarded with privacy comparable to home.
1 Men's, 1 Women's
3rd Overall (Privacy and well kept)
Auditorium - Performing Arts Classes - Where the chorus, theatre, band, and orchestra classes are held, this buildings bathrooms have seen much worse. Lines can accumulate in the 4 stalled, old-style restrooms, but because it is more or less reserved for 3 classrooms, too long of a wait is uncommon. The sinks work well and the bathrooms are constantly stocked with necessities.
1 Men's, 1 Women's
5th Overall (The highest any old campus building could get, it is a great example of attention causing comfort)
Gym - These bathrooms are much more like rooms. Huge, spacious areas inside are very accomodating for large crowds. Because people from outside the school's staff and student body see these restrooms, they are clean and stocked. Full mirros, "turn on" faucets, and the ability to hold 10 people make these divine. Much like the Auditorium, the entrance to the upstairs facilities is often kept locked during school hours making it hard to get to but well worth the effort.
1 Men's, 1 Women's (Each huge)
2nd Overall (New building style, constant attention to cleanliness, and high privacy)
AG Building- The administration and guidance building truly brings meaning to the word "throne." Although it is right off of the hall from the front office to the attendance office, these spots are scarcely used. This can be attributed to the consideration that the main citizens of the AG building are staff members who have access to staff bathrooms. The public facilities show sanitation equal to that of home. Clean seats, warm water, and mopped floors all reflect the lack of use the building's restrooms receive. Well worth the 4 minute hike from almost anywhere on campus.
1 Men's, 1 Women's
1st Overall
-TC '07
From Warren G. Harding
The truth of the matter is that after the double terms of George W. Bush (marked by the failure to capture America's leading enemy, a colossal and unrelated mess in Iraq, the inability to rescue New Orleans from a predicted catastrophe of biblical proportions, and the bankrupting of America's next generations), Harding's descendants can rest assured that he is far from the worst president on record. In fact, most historians agree that it would take several degrees of scandal and many cases of incompetence bordering on lunacy to even approach the Bush presidency in terms of intellectual inadequacy, moral corruption, and sheer incompetence. By contrast, Harding appears far closer to the Washington/Jefferson/Lincoln wing of American presidents. Historian H.G.Titts, of Yale University, goes so far as to note that, among American presidential historians, it is commonplace to divide American presidencies into two categories: "...the first 42 presidents, and then Bush, who has established a new category of moral bankruptcy and unparalleled incompetence."
From Tree
trees also known as elves are NOT LIVING THINGS. because of current studies trees are known to have balls.
David Cameron is a Cat
From the David Cameron personal page:
David William Donald Cameron (born 9 October, 1996) is a cat
Early Life
Once upon a time, in a forested woodland to the south of a watery lake there was a small cottage. The roof was of bright yellow straw. Honeysuckle trailed over the creamy white walls and above the wooden door.
On the other side of the old oak door was a mat and upon that mat there sat a cat...
The cat sat upon the mat for hours enjoying the summer breeze whistling underneath the door. Idly it listened to the birds singing in the woodland until their song stopped and daylight slowly faded to nightime. It was then that something incredible happened. Something that would shake the very foundations of the world. For this was no ordinary cat, no mere standard moggy to be dismissed as unremarkable and commonplace.
Military Career
This was the Mega-Destructo-Cat-2250-DX-Killatech-III and it was ready to Rock 'n Roll!!!!
It had evil glowing red cyborg eyes that could zoom in on you and then it would turn you into an ice statue using a special brain implant and a pair of tweezers that it carried around in its coat pocket. Yeah!! And the coat was like black and red leather and it had this super-cool logo on the back that said: " I TOTALLY HARDCORE ROCK " in 3D holographic letters that just jumped out at you and strangled you to death if you said it was stupid, cause it wasn't. It was totally cool. And also it had metallic arms like Dr Octopus from Spiderman except that there were twenty four of them and they all had eighty cruise missiles attached. All the missiles had nuclear warheads that could destroy a city the size of Antartica so the Penguins were really scared.
The Emergence of a Rival
So they built a giant killer robo Penguin with lazer beam eyes and then programmed it to do karate moves like in the Matrix except with a jet pack and one of those giant foam hands you get at monster truck rallies (those are sooo cool). So the cat which had already destroyed the mat and like half the universe saw the Robo-Penguin and they were both in space!! But the robo-pengiun was about five billion times the size of the Empire State Building and the cat was just an ordinary sized cat, well maybe a little bigger but not much. SO the Penguin was like "ah ha I will step on you!" and the cat was like "oh no! Bogus man!!" so the penguin did and the cat was crushed but that started a gnarly chain reaction which made all the missiles explode and then the Penguin exploded and then Jamie Oliver exploded (cos no one likes him) and then the world exploded and then....
Aftermath
...after the dust had cleared the people realised what a terrible thing war was. So they made peace with the penguins and they all lived happily ever after
Parliamentary career
The 2005 party leadership election
In order to prove to a skeptical public that they had changed (no really...) the Conservative Party decided to elect a cute lil' Kitty Cat as their Leader. Yay Kitty!!!
Cameron's politics
Values and philosophy
Cameron describes himself as a "moew-dern compassionate conservative" and has spoken of a need for a new style of politics, saying that he was "fed up with the rat and mouse politics of Westminster" [6].
He and others in the "Notting Hill" set [7] have sought to focus on issues such as the environment, work-life balance and increasing the number of warm sunbeams available for napping in.
From User talk:Rambo Wales
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