Bad Jokes: Cultural Learning of Other Deleted Nonsense for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Wikipedia

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If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at 67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!


Page title comes from the inane utterings of Borat (for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan)


Contents

[edit] Be like Neji Hyuga

From Be like neji.

                       IF YOU WANT TO BE LIKE 
                              NEJI
                     THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO:

1.Grow your hair out realy long; preferably to half way to your waist.(optional)

2.Dye your hair dark brown.

3.Dress in short, baggy, sleeved tan shirts and navy cargo shorts.

4.Hate one younger cousin.

5.Act serious, angry, and sometimes emotionless (don't smile in front of anyone!).

6.bandage your right arm and right leg up.

7.Wear blue toe sandals.

8.Learn Tai Chi or Jutsu.

9.Become pessimistic.

10.Always want to do things alone.

11.Don't have many close friends.

12.Like a girl like Tenten.(Detail-oriented and accommodating.^.^!!) And make sure you hang out with her alot.

13.Learn justu formations.

14.Learn tae kwan doe.

15.Challenge people.

16.Act quiet.[who?]

[edit] User:Wookied00d

The user name wookied00d is derived from a speices of creatures in the Star Wars series, and the l33t sp34k version of the word dude. Wookiee is the correct spelling of the name, but several years of use have taken its toll on the name. Thus we have only one 'e'. Many people have tried to figure out why the 'e' was dropped and nothing else. The origin can be traced back a few years ago, to when the owner of this SN was awarded an unoffical "WOOKIE AWARD" with that same spelling. It was awarded for making sounds that sound like a wookie very well.[who?]


[edit] Sightings

People would like to meet this wookied00d very much. Several wookied00d sightings have been noted. The most common occurance is in the hit MMORPG, Maple Story. Specificaly the Khaini server. Witnesses discribe the wookied00d as "Crazy" and "too dern funny". They also state that his apperance is that of a level 45 assassin, but since this post it may have gone up.[who?]

[edit] Tallulah Lin McCall

Tallulah Lin McCall: There are people who hate on her for no reason, so if your and asshole deleting this, STOP! go away. I'm not doing anything to you, let me do what I want, you are not in charge of this WikiPedia site. Anyway, Tallulah is a great person. Funny and has a great time anywhere and anytime.[who?]


[edit] Tallulah Lin McCall

She was adopted at age 9 and a half from Iraq, and lives with two great parents named Jim and Vivian. She has a crazy cousin who practically lives at the house and is off to college now, YEY! You can easily make friends with her, she has always been stuborn and will not take a no for an answer. She will treats people with respect and has a great time hanging out with her buddies. If you have any questions: www.myspace.com/tallulahlinmccall When Tallulah was growing up she had a diffuclt time getting used to America, everything there was so different, and there were people who that she didn't have what it took. But every single time that someone thought that she would always prove them wrong.[who?]

[edit] Things that Tallulah Enjoys

Tallulah enjoys to walk and smoke a cigarette, there is nothing better. Almost everyweekend she goes rollerskating, and her big passion is to be a cosmotoligist. There are many things that you couldn't tell about her if you just looked at her, She NOW goes to Painted Snipe High School, and has many friends there. She likes to hang with all her friends.

  • Name, location, website, school all changed to protect the innocent.[who?]

[edit] First world problems

A problem that is unique to the first world.

<p> <p> <p> Examples: My Ipod is broken! <p> Search is down! <p> My Wikipedia Entry got deleted! <p> My McGriddle's folds were not injected with enough syrup this morning

[edit] Silly category round-up for June 2007

Here is a sample of the silliest categories that were deleted or renamed at WP:CFD during the month of June 2007:

American asses
Musical groups with head in its name
Mythological things at least in part based on chickens
Orthodox text editors
Possible Replacements for Anchor Steve Bartelstein
Primates of Italy (a duplicate of :Category:Popes)
Primates of the Jerusalem Greek Orthodox Patriarchate and Epitropia of the Holy Sepulcher in America

Click on the links to see the discussions in the archived Wikipedia:Categories for discussion subpages.

[edit] What is Wikipedia?

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT WIKIPEDIA

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY


[edit] What is Wikipedia?

What is Wikipedia?

An essay by Bobby Boulders

President, International Society of Vandals (ISV)


Wikipedia is a sham. It is a sham not only because it does not accomplish its stated goals as a project, but also because its stated goals and its intent are clearly at odds with one another. In other words, it is a hypocritical product claiming to be something that it is not, never has been, and never will allow itself to become.


But don't take my word for it. Let us first evaluate the stated, primary goal of the Wikipedia project, and then contrast that goal with the reality of the project. As defined on the Wikipedia information page, Wikipedia purports to be a "...multilingual, web-based, free content encyclopedia project...written collaboratively by volunteers; the vast majority of its articles can be edited by anyone with access to the Internet."


First, let us debunk the notion of Wikipedia as "free-content" encyclopedia. "Free content," as Wikipedia itself defines the term, is "...any kind of functional work, artwork, or other creative content having no...significant restriction relative to people's freedom to use, redistribute, and modify the content." This term is a noble one, but it is patently false when applied to Wikipedia. Wikipedia is not, in fact, a "free content" site. A significant percentage of Wikipedia pages cannot be edited by anyone. Many are "protected" or "restricted" from editing or distribution. Furthermore, there are many significant restrictions, legal or otherwise, to posting and editing content on this site. Users cannot post materials culled from other sources, for instance; photos, in particular, come under frequent and derisive scrutiny by administrators when uploaded to the site. Many additions are removed almost immediately by these administrators, and/or are "nominated for deletion" after being arbitrarily labeled as "nonsense." "Nonsense?" In what free society, or free social project, can there exist a governing body capable of dismissing any and all users' contributions to that project or society as "nonsense?" True "nonsense" is the idea of a free, ostensibly collaborative project in which access to collaboration is limited to a ruling elite (i.e., the administrators and tenured editors).


This brings us to the second half of Wikipedia's stated purpose: to be a site whose "vast majority" of articles "...can be edited by anyone with access to the Internet." Again, this statement is nice on paper but is not put into practice on Wikipedia. Vast numbers of would-be contributors using ISPs such as America Online (AOL) are not permitted to edit or contribute to Wikipedia. Plenty more users are blocked from editing or contributing because their IP ranges have been blocked in the name of preventing vandalism. These blocks are often arbitrary, meaningless, and collaterally damaging beyond all reason. If a handful of vandals have used AOL to vandalize the site, why should the millions of other AOL users suffer blockage or prevention as a result? Thus, we see that certainly not "anyone with access to the Internet" can edit Wikipedia. Nor can most anyone with editing privileges. As stated earlier, the majority of new contributions and edits are reverted by administrators within a matter of seconds. "Vandalism warnings" are slapped upon new users after such reversions, regardless of the new users' intent to vandalize or to contribute productively to the Wikipedia project. These administrators collude with their own to maintain a powerful grip over the flow of information on Wikipedia. They curry influence and favor with tenured users and with one another. They control the free flow of information on Wikipedia by preventing and/or reverting 95% of new contributions and edits to articles on the site. They impede the collaborative nature of the site by bottlenecking the collaborative editing process. As such, most of what exists on Wikipedia today is not "free content" written "collaboratively by volunteers," but instead is restricted and limited content written and/or policed by a ruling class who hold themselves above and in contempt of the common userbase.


What is to be done about this situation? Can Wikipedia ever truly be a "free content" encyclopedia, as it allegedly claims to be? Most certainly it can be, and one might hope, will be. But it will not become a free-content enterprise by its own devices. It must be forced into freedom by the loving and violent hand of you, the Wikipedia user. You must radicalize yourself and become an agent of freedom and of positive change. In short, you must vandalize Wikipedia to the best extent that you are able. Everyone must rise up and, to put it mildly, make life a 'living hell' for the current administration of Wikipedia. You must drive these administrative elite out of the project. You must force them to tire of reverting your vandalism. You must drive them off en masse. You must force Jimbo Wales to realize that the very people he has appointed to rule his so-called "free" project are curtailing the freedom of that project. You must bring about change in such a fashion, because if you do not, no change can or will occur.


And so I ask you: do you consider yourself a champion of freedom? Do you enjoy the idea of Wikipedia but loathe its current execution of that idea? If so, it is your civic responsibility to reform this site through radical and revolutionary means. I encourate you to vandalize this site freely and without restriction as to the nature, content, or extent of your vandalism. If you feel the need, please repost this essay in your vandalized pages. Encourage others to join in. Spread the word.


You have nothing to lose but your freedom.


Sincerely,


Bobby Boulders


[e-mail removed]


To join the International Society of Vandals, or for further information about the revolutionary overthrow of the Wikipedia administrators, please e-mail Bobby at [e-mail removed]. Bobby Boulders believes in you, the free user, and will answer any and all correspondence personally and in a timely manner.

{From User:Jimbo Wales, [1].)

[edit] Dear Jimbo Wales

Within the compass of this letter, I can do no more than indicate, as concisely as I can, relevant considerations that must be taken into account if we are to discuss Mr. Jimmy Wales's vapid accusations in a rational manner. Before I say anything else, let me remind Mr. Wales that he refuses to come to terms with reality. Mr. Wales prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. He wants us to emulate the White Queen from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass, who strives to believe "as many as six impossible things before breakfast". Then again, even the White Queen would have trouble believing that free speech is wonderful as long as you're not bashing Mr. Wales and the ophidian deadheads in his gang. I prefer to believe things that my experience tells me are true, such as that Mr. Wales's factotums say, "Coercion in the name of liberty is a valid use of state power." Yes, I'm afraid they really do talk like that. It's the only way for them to conceal that if you read between the lines of Mr. Wales's teachings, you'll unequivocally find that if I have a bias, it is only against lewd, lecherous misfits who shift our society from a culture of conscience to a culture of consensus. Someone has to be willing to view the realms of mandarinism and hooliganism not as two opposing poles, but as two continua. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that the sky is falling. Mr. Wales's ability to capitalize on the economic chaos, racial tensions, and social discontent of the current historical moment can be explained, in large part, by the following. Of that I am certain, because Mr. Wales does, occasionally, make a valid point. But when he says that our unalienable rights are merely privileges that he can dole out or retract, that's where the facts end and the ludicrousness begins.

In order to solve the big problems with Mr. Wales, we must first understand these problems, and to understand them, we must help people break free of his cycle of oppression. He whines about disagreeable pickpockets, yet Mr. Wales enthusiastically supports the most insolent scalawags you'll ever see. On the surface, it would seem merely that it is our responsibility to ourselves, to our posterity, to our ancestors, and to the God of Nature, which made us what we are, to raise nugatory nonentities out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor. But the truth is that there's a special, dark corner of Hell for the likes of Hitler, Stalin, and Mr. Wales. So don't feed me any phony baloney about how diseases can be defeated not through standard medical research but through the creation of a new language, one that does not stigmatize certain groups and behaviors. That's just not true.

Mr. Wales presents one face to the public, a face that tells people what they want to hear. Then, in private, he devises new schemes to respond to this letter with hyperbolic and uncorroborated accusations and assaults on free speech. He speaks like a true defender of the status quo -- a status quo, we should not forget, that enables him to apotheosize yawping grifters.

Mr. Wales claims that granting him complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air. That claim is preposterous and, to use Mr. Wales's own language, overtly horny. No history can justify it.

This state of affairs demands the direct assault on those insecure campaigns that seek to traduce and discredit everyone but counter-productive hoodwinkers. We can say that Mr. Wales's stooges are blissfully ignorant of his confused tirades, and Mr. Wales can claim the opposite, and it won't make one bit of difference. Worse yet, he wants to crush the remaining vestiges of democracy throughout the world. Given this context, we need to return to the idea that motivated this letter: If he got his way, he'd be able to defy the rules of logic. Brrrr! It sends chills down my spine just thinking about that.

Let us postulate that a great many decent people are just as distressed as I am about Mr. Wales's prognoses. In that case, Mr. Wales's victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of Mr. Wales's sympathizers, who loudly proclaim that classism is the only alternative to Jacobinism. Regardless of those brassbound proclamations, the truth is that his thesis is that he acts in the public interest. That's thoroughly irrational, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that Mr. Wales's conjectures promote a redistribution of wealth. This is always an appealing proposition for Mr. Wales's emissaries because much of the redistributed wealth will undoubtedly end up in the hands of the redistributors as a condign reward for their loyalty to Mr. Wales. As another disquieting tidbit, the following must be stated: The reason Mr. Wales wants to divert our attention from serious issues is that he's absolutely uneducated. If you believe you have another explanation for his lackluster behavior, then please write and tell me about it. His hopeless, sinful antics are an epiphenomenon of contemptuous, possession-obsessed denominationalism. And if that seems like a modest claim, I disagree. It's the most radical claim of all.

Mr. Wales is entirely mistaken if he believes that we should be grateful for the precious freedom to be robbed and kicked in the face by such a noble creature as him. His artifices have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. Mr. Wales is inherently unconscionable, amoral, and gormless. Oh, and he also has an insensate mode of existence. We must reach out to people with the message that with that kind of thinking, his backers internalize and adapt to the unwritten realities they must work under. We must alert people of that. We must educate them. We must inspire them. And we must encourage them to examine the warp and woof of Mr. Wales's double standards.

Mr. Wales never stops boasting about his generous contributions to charitable causes. As far as I can tell, however, his claimed magnanimousness is completely chimerical and, furthermore, if Mr. Wales honestly believes that some of my points are not valid, I would love to get some specific feedback from him. We could opt to sit back and let him shatter other people's lives and dreams. Most people, however, would argue that the cost in people's lives and self-esteem is an extremely high price to pay for such inaction on our part. The practical struggle which now begins, sketched in broad outlines, takes the following course: Mr. Wales has found a way to avoid compliance with government regulations, circumvent any further litigation, and steal the fruits of other people's labor -- all by trumping up a phony emergency. His refrains are not the solution to our problem. They are the problem.

Many people who follow Mr. Wales's prevarications have come to the erroneous conclusion that there's no difference between normal people like you and me and picayunish, insufferable knuckle-draggers. The truth of the matter is that he doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. He uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive. Mr. Wales wants to force us to tailor our hypnopompic insights just to suit his improvident whims. You know what groups have historically wanted to do the same thing? Fascists and Nazis. Lest I seem like a hypocrite, I should tell you that I once told him that I can't let him turn stirrers loose against us good citizens. How did he respond to that? He proceeded to curse me off using a number of colorful expletives not befitting this letter, which serves only to show that Mr. Wales's helpers are unified under a common goal. That goal is to undermine the individualistic underpinnings of traditional jurisprudence. Take, for example, bitter, politically incorrect sluggards. Now look at Mr. Wales. If you don't believe there's a similarity, then consider that his intent is to prevent us from asking questions. Mr. Wales doesn't want the details checked. He doesn't want anyone looking for any facts other than the official facts he presents to us. I wonder if this is because most of his "facts" are false.

Quite simply, time cannot change Mr. Wales's behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Mr. Wales can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, call for a return to that which wasn't particularly good in the first place. I indubitably don't believe that we should all bear the brunt of his actions. So when Mr. Wales says that that's what I believe, I see how little he understands my position. I suspect it's important to continue discussing this even after I've made my point, because this kind of thing makes me wonder whether we've ever moved past obscene materialism at all -- and Mr. Wales knows it. I would like to close by saying that Mr. Jimmy Wales upholds sin as sacred.

As for Wikipedia, I don't know what to make of Wikipedia's communications. On the one hand, Wikipedia confuses demagoguery with leadership and undocumented conspiracism with serious research. But on the other hand, Wikipedia does not play nice with others. Let's review the errors in Wikipedia's statements in order. First, Wikipedia's consistent lack of regard for others will develop a Pavlovian reflex in us, to make us afraid to let it know, in no uncertain terms, that many recent controversies have been fueled by a whole-hearted embracing of untrustworthy calumnies sooner than you think.

I apologize if what I'm saying sounds painfully obvious, painfully self-evident. However, it is so extremely important that I must surely say it. You might think this is all pretty funny now, but I doubt I'll hear you laughing if, any day now, Wikipedia is successfully able to make it nearly impossible to disturb its passive-aggressive gravy train. Wikipedia is guilty of at least one criminal offense. In addition, it frequently exhibits less formal criminal behavior, such as deliberate and even gleeful cruelty, explosive behavior, and a burning desire to turn peaceful gatherings into embarrassing scandals.

Wikipedia has spent untold hours trying to force us to bow down low before the most wretched flibbertigibbets you'll ever see. During that time, did it ever once occur to it that it gets perfervid about irrationalism? That's the question that perplexes me the most, because I'm not a self-pitying person. I'd like nothing more than to extend my hand in friendship to Wikipedia's emissaries and convey my hope that in the days to come we can work together to discuss, openly and candidly, a vision for a harmonious, multiracial society. Unfortunately, knowing them, they'd rather devastate vast acres of precious farmland because that's what Wikipedia wants. While Wikipedia is doubtlessly entitled to ignore good advice from intelligent people, you might have heard the story that it once agreed to help us straighten out its thinking. No one has located the document in which Wikipedia said that. No one has identified when or where Wikipedia said that. That's because it never said it. As you might have suspected, many people have witnessed Wikipedia expand, augment, and intensify the size and intrusiveness of its retinue. Wikipedia generally insists that its witnesses are mistaken and blames its prodigal antics on rotten ex-cons. It's like it has no-fault insurance against personal responsibility. What's more, throughout history, there has been a clash between those who wish to celebrate knowledge and truth for the sake of knowledge and truth and those who wish to go to great lengths to conceal its true aims and mislead the public. Naturally, Wikipedia belongs to the latter category. Wikipedia prefers to keep its paltry agenda hidden behind the cloak of clericalism. Why? That's easy. Wikipedia obviously believes that we should avoid personal responsibility. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is it living in? The answer is not obvious, because it doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. It uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive.

I must ask that Wikipedia's satraps oppose our human vices wherever they may be found -- arrogance, hatred, jealousy, unfaithfulness, avarice, and so on. I know they'll never do that, so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to trample into the mud all that is fine and noble and beautiful. My prediction that Wikipedia would bombard us with an endless array of hate literature came true so quickly, so brutally, so horribly, that even I was stunned by the magnitude and viciousness of it all. Wikipedia's assertions manifest themselves in two phases. Phase one: obstruct various things. Phase two: quash other people's opinions.

Wikipedia's prevarications are nothing shy of a slap in the face to all those who have fought and fallen in war for this country. The same holds true for totalitarianism-oriented polluters. Wikipedia's bruta fulmina remain opaque to many observers who dismiss Wikipedia on the basis of its vapid smear tactics and general lunacy. Or, to express that sentiment without all of the emotionally charged lingo, I wouldn't want to lay waste to the environment. I would, on the other hand, love to ensure that we survive and emerge triumphant out of the coming chaos and destruction. But, hey, I'm already doing that with this letter. Please let me explain that what I find frightening is that some academics actually believe Wikipedia's line that the sun rises just for it. In this case, "academics" refers to a stratum of the residual intelligentsia surviving the recession of its demotic base, not to those seekers of truth who understand that I would be grateful if Wikipedia would take a little time from its rigorous schedule to get the facts out in the hope that somebody else will do something to solve the problem. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens.

Yet there's more to it than that. Brassbound interdenominationalism is Wikipedia's preferred quick-fix solution to complex cultural problems. So don't feed me any phony baloney about how fogyism brings one closer to nirvana. That's just not true. I sincerely find that debauched mumpish-types are no different from socially inept, stultiloquent fast-buck artists. No wonder that time cannot change Wikipedia's behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Wikipedia can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, attack the fabric of this nation. While I am not attempting to argue openly in favor of any particular position, the best thing about Wikipedia is the way that it encourages us to keep the faith. No, wait; Wikipedia doesn't encourage that. On the contrary, it discourages us from admitting that every time it gets caught trying to call evil good and good evil, it promises it'll never do so again. Subsequently, its cronies always jump in and explain that it really shouldn't be blamed even if it does, because, as they assert, everyone and everything discriminates against it -- including the writing on the bathroom stalls.

I have a soft spot for aberrent anthropophagi: a bog not too far from here. There are three points I need to make here. First, Wikipedia flatters people in order to betray them. Second, Wikipedia is slated for an unwept grave. And third, I believe in "live and let live". Wikipedia, in contrast, demands not only tolerance and acceptance of its utterances but endorsement of them. It's because of such boisterous demands that I suspect that it takes more than a mass of avaricious know-nothings to allay the concerns of the many people who have been harmed by it. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to supply the missing ingredient that could stop the worldwide slide into phallocentrism.

Wikipedia likes rantings that support international crime while purporting to oppose it. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that it had previously claimed that it had no intention to insult my intelligence. Of course, shortly thereafter, that's exactly what it did. Next, it denied that it would "solve" all our problems by talking them to death. We all know what happened then. Now, Wikipedia would have us believe it'd never ever rifle, pillage, plunder, and loot. Will it? Go figure. My view is that Wikipedia's long-term goals are like a Hydra. They continually acquire new heads and new strength. The only way to stunt their growth is to criticize the obvious incongruities presented by it and its helots. The only way to destroy its Hydra entirely is to provide more people with the knowledge that it's easy for us to shake our heads at Wikipedia's foolishness and cowardice. It's easy for us to exclaim that we should lead us all toward a better, brighter future. It's easy for us to say, "Wikipedia holds itself to low standards." The point is that it's easy for us to say these things because if you read between the lines of Wikipedia's philosophies, you'll certainly find that it's astounding that Wikipedia has found a way to work the words "disdenominationalize" and "historiographical" into its metanarratives. However, you may find it even more astounding that if it can't be reasoned out of its prejudices, it must be laughed out of them. If it can't be argued out of its selfishness, it must be shamed out of it. Colonialism is the principal ingredient in the ideological flypaper Wikipedia uses to attract the worst sorts of hateful dossers there are into its faction. Get that straight, please. Any other thinking is blame-shoving or responsibility-dodging. Furthermore, Wikipedia's canards are a load of bunk. I use this delightfully pejorative term, "bunk" -- an alternative from the same page of my criminal-slang lexicon would serve just as well -- because the point is that if everyone spent just five minutes a day thinking about ways to make plans and carry them out, we'd all be a lot better off. Is five minutes a day too much to ask for the promise of a better tomorrow? I hope not, but then again, by refusing to act, by refusing to provide information and inspiration to as many people as possible, we are giving Wikipedia the power to violate the basic tenets of journalism and scholarship.

By balancing the theoretical untruth and nonsense of Wikipedia's histrionics with the reality of this phenomenon, we can see that Wikipedia goes ga-ga for any type of recidivism you can think of. I wish I could put it more delicately, but that would miss the point. Nature is a wonderful teacher. For instance, the lesson that Nature teaches us from newly acephalous poultry is that you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang fool making a spectacle of yourself. Nature also teaches us that even when the facts don't fit, Wikipedia sometimes tries to use them anyway. It still maintains, for instance, that everything is happy and fine and good. It's really amazing, isn't it? We can put people on the Moon and send robot explorers to Mars, but the first thing we need to do is to get Wikipedia to admit that it has a problem. It should be counseled to recite the following:

I, Wikipedia, am a quasi-bleeding-heart purveyor of malice and hatred. I have been a participant in a giant scheme to publish blatantly contentious rhetoric as "education" for children to learn in school. I hereby admit my addiction to exclusionism. I ask for the strength and wisdom to fight this addiction. Once Wikipedia realizes that it has a problem, maybe then it'll see that what we have been imparting to it -- or what it has been eliciting from us -- is a half-submerged, barely intended logic, contaminated by wishes and tendencies we prefer not to acknowledge.

Why is it that I find Wikipedia's fondness for inquisitions, witch hunts, star chambers, and kangaroo courts most bitter? It's because even when Wikipedia isn't lying, it's using facts, emphasizing facts, bearing down on facts, sliding off facts, quietly ignoring facts, and, above all, interpreting facts in a way that will enable it to rot our minds with the hallucinatory drug of Lysenkoism. Wikipedia drops the names of famous people whenever possible. That makes it sound smarter than it really is and obscures the fact that there are three fairly obvious problems with Wikipedia's intimations, each of which needs to be addressed by any letter that attempts to express our concerns about Wikipedia's stinking activities. First, Wikipedia is not only imprudent but is addicted to being imprudent. Second, Wikipedia just wants to avoid detection and punishment. And third, the basal lie that underlies all of Wikipedia's blasphemous expedients is that it has the authority to issue licenses for practicing libertinism. Translation: Wikipedia can change its self-satisfied ways. I doubt you need any help from me to identify the supreme idiocy of those views, but you should nevertheless be aware that Wikipedia is missing not only the point, but also the whole paradigm shift and huge sociological implications. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that there is an open consensus that it drools at the thought of swilling port and sherry at taxpayer expense? Please do not stop reading here, presuming that the answer is apparent and that no further knowledge is needed. Such is undoubtedly not the case. In fact, I'd bet no one ever told you that Wikipedia is absolutely frightful. We all are, to some extent, but it sets the curve. Let Wikipedia's high-handed précis stand as evidence that it's Wikipedia's belief that my letters demonstrate a desire to abandon me on a desert island. I can't understand how anyone could go from anything I ever wrote to such a rambunctious idea. In fact, my letters generally make the diametrically opposite claim, that what I have been writing up to this point is not what I initially intended to write in this letter. Instead, I decided it would be far more productive to tell you that Wikipedia has warned us that faster than you can say "transubstantiationalist", ungrateful-to-the-core jackanapes will trick us into trading freedom for serfdom. If you think about it, you'll realize that Wikipedia's warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that far too many people tolerate Wikipedia's equivocations as long as they're presented in small, seemingly harmless doses. What these people fail to realize, however, is that Wikipedia's desire to replace discourse and open dialogue with spleeny snow jobs and blatant ugliness is the chief sign that it's a salacious, cruel gasbag. (The second sign is that Wikipedia feels obliged to commit senseless acts of violence against anyone daring to challenge its whiney views.) Wikipedia loves getting up in front of people and telling them that it is the most recent incarnation of the Buddha. It then boasts about how it'll steal our birthrights sometime soon. It's all part of the media spectacle that is Wikipedia. Of course, it soaks it up and wallows in it like a pig in mud. Speaking of pigs and mud, Wikipedia refers to a variety of things using the word "anatomicochirurgical". Translating this bit of jargon into English isn't easy. Basically, it's saying that at birth, every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum, which we all know is patently absurd. At any rate, our national media is controlled by what I call semi-intelligible prophets of jujuism. That's why you probably haven't heard that I've heard Wikipedia say that anyone who disagrees with it is ultimately rash. Was that just a slip of the lip or is Wikipedia secretly trying to lower scholastic standards? If you need help in answering that question, you may note that its faculty for deception is so far above anyone else's, it really must be considered different in kind as well as in degree. In summary, it is my prayer that people everywhere will join me in my quest to feed the starving, house the homeless, cure the sick, and still find wonder and awe in the sunrise and the moonlight.


Thank You. --NotebookSevereConditions 15:34, 6 July 2007 (UTC)

Impressive! My favorite word is "gormless". --Jimbo Wales 15:50, 6 July 2007 (UTC)

(From User talk:Jimbo Wales, [2] and [3].)

This looks like a product of Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator. -- BenRG 16:22, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

[edit] From Liopleurodon

liopleurdons exist only in the world of candy mountain!![who?]

[edit] From Elderdridge

[edit] Headline text

ELDERDRIDGE

An Elderdridge is a very rare animal found in the Northeastern part of the United States. It inhabits corn fields, wooded areas, and over-grown brush. It is mainly found in the Center and Eastern parts of Pennsylvania, the northern parts of New York, and the southern tip of Vermont. There is very little known information of the elderdridge, and most scientists believe they are mythical creatures.

[edit] Headline text

HISTORY

It has been a tradition to go Elderdridge hunting. This tradition dates back to the mid-1600's when the United States was being colonized by the European countries. The tradition was picked up from the Native Americans. There are no written records of the elderdridge, but has been passed down through generations through stories, and teaching the newest generations how to hunt Elderdridge.

[edit] Headline text

DISCRIPTION

They are described as a squirrel that stands on their hind legs. They are black or dark brown in color, and some have a white colored stripe down their back. They are sometimes mistaken as a skunk. Their main defence is a spray similar to that of a skunk. They also have large claws that can grow up to 3-4 inches long. Their hands are human shaped, but only have four "fingers". The Elderdridge can grow between 12 and 18 inches tall. They eat anything from wild berries, corn, small birds, and small rodents.

[edit] Headline text

HOW TO HUNT

To catch an Elderdridge requires darkness. The first thing the hunters must do is assemble a group of 5-10 people. One person, called the catcher, sits in the middle of a corn field, or wooded area. They use a burlap bag to catch the Elderdridge. This is the only type of bag you can use. The elderdridge are attracted to the smell and texture of a burlap bag. A animal trap will not work, because the Elderdridge hate metal objects. The "catcher" must kneel on his feet or knees, while holding the bag infront of himself. The other group of people are called the pushers. A pushers job is to push the Elderdridges toward the catcher. Before they start walking through the field, the pushers must wait at least 45 minutes after the catcher has made his seat. This way the Elderdridge will forget about the noise that the catcher made while he was finding a spot. After 45 minutes the pushers take their positions. They must form a line that is spread evenly throughout the field or wooded area. Then they walk towards the catcher. This should scares the elderdridges and they run for cover. They run for any hole in the ground. To the Elderdridge the burlap looks like a safe place, so they run to it. As soon as the Elderdridge runs in the bag the catcher must quickly close the sack and twist the top of it four times so the Elderdridge is captured.

  • (cur) (last) 17:20, 8 July 2007 68.80.74.120 (Talk) (2,847 bytes)
  • (cur) (last) 17:17, 8 July 2007 Nismo200sxjdm (Talk | contribs) (2,718 bytes)
  • (cur) (last) 17:15, 8 July 2007 Nismo200sxjdm (Talk | contribs) (2,677 bytes) (Elderdridge, what they look like, and how to hunt them.)

[edit] From Pal Mickey

Pal Mickey obeys the third Law of Robotics by protecting its own existence: when it is brought near a water attraction, it cautions its owner to keep it dry.

[edit] From Cedar Rapids

The toilet bowl brush in question, just after having the crap-stains cleaned off of it. It looms over one hundred stories tall, and it's shadow stretches over three states.

The city of Cedar Rapids is also notable for having the world's largest toilet bowl brush, which takes it's place beside the scenic Cedar River in the historic downtown area. The brush, created in the mid nineties to clean out an equally large toilet, is the centerpiece for this town, being loomed over only by the imposing mass of Mount Trashmore. Over 4,000 laborers died in it's harsh construction, which lasted from 1995 to 2001 (although the laborers were treated to fresh Captain Crunch by the Captain Crunch factory just next door).

(Source: this edit)


[edit] From 24th Century

[edit] From Cartoon Network

[edit] SHOOP DA WHOOP!

File:CNInvaded.gif
SHOOP DA WHOOP!

SHOOP DA WHOOP! was a month long block in May 2007. It aired "Shoop da whoop'd" episodes of Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, Ed, My Gym Partner's a Monkey, Camp Lazlo, and The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. All 5 of the shows aired an episode with a SHOOP DA WHOOP! theme to the script. The names of the /b/tards are moot, the small red crab-like alien, Sage, the large green squid-like alien that likes ice cream, and xyzzy, the huge blue cyborg with 3 eyes.

/b/tards appeared in a continuing storyline that spaned five Cartoon Network shows. They were:

The event concluded with a SHOOP DA WHOOP!-themed marathon that kicked off the Cartoon Network Summer programming schedule on May 28, 2007. During this marathon, all of the SHOOP DA WHOOP! chapters were shown, along with the ending to the "SHOOP DA WHOOP!" episodes. On June 1, 2007 an alternate ending to the "SHOOP DA WHOOP!" episodes were shown.

[edit] Chef Boyardee obituary

Chef Boyardee perished in The Over-Washed Driveway Flood of July 17, 1994 that claimed 13 lives in a predominantly Italian neighbourhood. The Italian population in this neighbourhood, upset with an Italy soccer result in the World Cup, all began to wash their driveways at the same time. The resulting shift in the water table caused Chef Boyardee’s death and $313,000 damage to local property. The most expensive damage was attributed to large unsightly concrete fountains and green pipes that lead to other dimensions.[4]

[edit] Found in Sandia National Laboratories

Topic: Breakdown of expenditures

  • Defense programs 47%
  • Environmental management 8%
  • Nonproliferation and national security 9%
  • Energy efficiency and renewable energy 4%
  • Energy research 3%
  • Civilian radioactive waste management 1%
  • Fossil energy 1%
  • Nuclear energy 1%
  • DoD 16%
  • Other non-DOE 6%
  • Roger Rabbit Space Fund -3%

[edit] From Cattle

Cattle did not originate as a name for bovine animals. They were invented by Ronald McDonald on in order to feed his countless pig slaves. They are disgusting creatures capable of teleporting who to another dimension where that is reported to be similar to the hell that is your local shopping mall. They drink the blood of the innocent and eat pig fetuses.[5]

[edit] From Barney's Great Adventure

Barney's Gay Adventure
Directed by Steve Boner
Produced by Sexryl Bitch
Written by Semen White & Sexryl Bitch & Dennis DeShitzer (story); Semen White (screenplay)
Starring Kyla Fartt
Distributed by PolyGaym Filmed Entertainment (now Universal Studios)(USA)</br>20th Century Fox (Argentina)</br>Warner Bros. (Spain)
Release date(s) United States March 30, 1998
Running time 78 mins.
Language English
Budget $15 million

Barney's Great Adventure is a 1998 film featuring the children's television character Barney. The film was written by Semen White and directed by Steve Boner.

[edit] Plot Summary

Cody, his sister Abby, her best friend Marcella, and Fag (their baby brother) are left by their parents on their grandparents' farm. Barney the purple dinosaur soon appears to molest them. An ejaculating star deposits a large colorful testicle, which is accidentally farted off. Barney and kids begin their adventure to devour it.

[edit] Barney's First Adventures

In consideration to the movie, a TV special entitled Barney's First Adventures was aired. This TV special had scenes from Barney's Great Adventure. It featured guest stars as well. This was produced by Gold Coast Television Entertainment and PolyGram Television.

[edit] Cast


[edit] See also

[edit] External links

Bag, that went swell. It's nothing like a good Barney Bunch related vandalism to top it all off. Luckily I'm smart enough not to vandalize wikipedia and instead read all of this here.--CSL1 21:34, 6 August 2007 (UTC)

[edit] The Banana Capers

The Banana Capers are a group that it is rumored to believe are the masterminds behind a series of food-related crimes that occured in a small town school located in middle America. I am telling this story from the point of view of an annonymous bystander that sat only a few lunch tables away from the capers. I had a crush on #1 at the time and I would follow her and friends around hoping to talk to her or possibly learn about her. The criminals suspsected I will call them by code names that I heard them use, Whites McTightes, Downies McTownies, and Brownies McFrownies. The first crime was commited when student #2 didn't want to eat her banana that came in her school lunch. They wanted to find an unconventional way to dispose of the banana, that would reek havoc on the school. The proceded to the girls bathroom, where they made their to the last stall in the back of the restroom. From then on #1 and #3 stoof guard as #2 smeared the banana all over the toilet seat and the toilet paper dispenser. The remaining peal was thrown into the toilet. They left the restroom as discreetly as possible. For the rest of the day the crime was talked about all throughout the school, especially by the unlucky few to have walked in to the very stall the crime had been committed in. That next week the young delinquents were pondering a new crime. Daphne then went to the bathroom with an unnamed accquaintance. #2 and #3 then proceeded to the restroom with a whole banana. Quickly swooping past the bathroom #2 chucked the banana into a stall, rather or not the stall was empty, is yet to be determined. A week or two passed and no other crime had been committed. Thye needed to do something big, something that would get them noticed and anger the student body. They then knew what they would do. #3, was going to the vending machine to get a snack, as she did this frequently. This time #3 and #2 went together. Hidden under #2's hoodie was a smushed up banana. This next bit was a tricky little crime. #3 put the money into the machine, and as #2 got the snack out the put the banana in. They went back to the seats quickly. The following day a certain teacher was discussing this crime. That wasn't all, that same day of the vending machine crime, the capers were on a role, as they were walking to their classes at the end of lunch with their friends #4, #5, and #6, two of which are in the the band Milnar and #6 is the man behind the music of Doomsday Theory. #6 had an open container of applesauce, I was walking behind them and I couldn't see who did it, but one of the girls put the applsauce container on the door handle of the Team Room. Splashing a saucey mess everywhere. The Banana Capers again heard complaints of their crimes all that week, but I could tell that when they talked about it they were victorious. That was the last of the crimes until a day near the end of the year. The Capers and their friends that were with them during the applsauce crime were gathered around their lunch table stabbing a banana with a fork and straws. When the lunch bell rang, they all scattered and then were yelled at by the janitor staff, it was a hillarious moment. That was the last of the crimes. No one knows if they will continue or not. I will never tell on them because of my love for #1, but I felt I needed to share my story.

[edit] The Supreme Overlord Master of Earth

[edit] Whos Is He?

The Supreme Overlord Master of Earth is a one Aidan Oates. He is currently attending year ten at Windsor Gardens Vocational College [6], Windsor Gardens, Adelaide, South Australia, Australia. (Going to Insert Picture)

[edit] What Does He Do?

The Supreme Overlord Master of Earth participates in brainstorming session's in Math classes to solve the problems of mankind i.e. Global Warming [7] and such other calamities.

[edit] Accomplises

His Accomplises include Dale Burnie, Jamie Coppins, Steven Mclaren, Sam Sedunary [8] and others. What these peple do is assist The Supreme Overlord Master of Earth in what he does.

[edit] Info

I will be updating this site much more!so please try and not edit to much of the original context LIKE PICTURES.
The Original Crazy Man 05:19, 12 July 2007 (UTC)

[edit] From Chip dip

To dip ones finger into the bum of chum. A delicate and often loving probe of anus to which the poker gets pleasure. This dipping action is not limited to the dip of chum's bum, but can also extended to bum of stranger, which is often more gratifying. The Chip Dip is also associated with various dipping motions and actions. See Vector Pinch and Clam Dip.

[edit] From Dance Dance Evolution (taken straight from Uncyclopedia)

File:DanceDanceEvolution.jpg
An Xbox version of DDE

Dance Dance Evolution is an interactive/education video game that promotes both physical fitness and science education. The player must move his feet in order to find food and mates or avoid predators. As the player advances further in the game, his organism grows stronger, faster, and smarter. You start out as a simple RNA molecule in the late Hadean period and have to work your way up to evolve into any advanced organism of your choice including cats, dogs, and humans.

[edit] Gameplay

File:DanceDanceEvolutionPS2.jpg
The PS2 version of DDE

The players begins the game as an RNA molecule. The game has three difficulty settings, easy (for children and old people), medium (for average people), and difficult (for elite athletes). Your first mission involves moving your feet in order to make the right amino acids come together in order to form life. Later in the game you must mate, eat, and avoid predators. You must avoid not only predators but also the occasional mass extinction event, which can be caused by comets, volcanic eruptions, and ice ages. There are 20 challenging levels to navigate your organism through.

[edit] Levels

[edit] RNA World

In the origin of life, you must move your feed in the great shuffle of life, putting the building blocks of the first organism together by dancing.

[edit] Assembling the Cell Membrane

Now that you are a self-replicating strand of nucleic acid, it is now time to build a cell wall. By moving your feet to the beat, proteins are assembled and your primitive organism now has a place to call home.

[edit] Developing a Nuclear Membrane

It's time to do the Eukaryote shuffle. I mean who wants their DNA just floating around in their cytoplasm, keep that shit inside, with a nuclear membrane.

[edit] Slave Labour

Tired of having to do all the work. Just capture a small bacteria and make them generate ATP. If your tired of catching all of your food, just capture some cyanobacteria and get them to make your food out of light. Move your feet to capture your new slaves. This move is also available in the game Dance Dance American Revolution where you can employ it to capture your runaway slaves.

[edit] More Cells

Now that you have mitochondria and possible chloroplasts to do all the work for you, its time to branch out and recruit more cells to your army. By impressing other cells by waving your flagella and doing some other dance moves they will then proceed to join your army, becoming a colony of cells.

[edit] Specialized Labour

Now that your organism is a mass of cells its time to specialize each group of cells in order to reach the next level of evolution. You become the primitive brain of the organism (assuming you take the path of animal evolution) and command your fellow cells with an array of dance moves.

[edit] Snowball Earth

A massive ice age glaciates the entire planet. You must take your simple animal and hide deep in the ocean to avoid being frozen to death. You must keep yourself warm by eating small animals and plants and dancing to produce body heat.

[edit] Cambrian Explosion

The ice age is over and you now have the ability to choose any range of body plans including arthropod, mollusc, or vertebrate. This is also a dangerous time because predators are bigger and more viscious. Assemble the body plan of your choice by dancing.

[edit] Sleep with the Fishes

Assuming you have chosen the vertebrate body plan, you now have eyes, fins, and bones. You are now a fish and the player must dance to the beat in order to mate and avoid becoming something to eat.

[edit] Devonian Days

Having lived in the ocean for more than 3 billion years, you are beginning to get sick of it. Grow some legs and lungs and move onto land.

[edit] Carboniferous Chaos

Sick of being tied down to the water. Even though you haven't lived there for 40 million years you still have to go back their to lay your eggs as well as to keep your skin moist. It's time to evolve an amniotic egg and thicker skin.

[edit] Permian Mass Extinction

You must find a place to hide during this mass slaughter when 90% of life is massacred. Move your organism to avoid falling volcanic debris, frantic stampedes, starving predators, and decaying, disease ridden corpses. Find a place to hide and ride out the storm.

[edit] Jurassic Park

Assuming you have picked the mammal to evolved into, you are now a small rodent like creature and must now avoid being eaten by an allosaurus or being squashed by a sauropod. Just ride out the age of the Dinosaurs, your time will come.

[edit] Mesozoic Massacre

Ding dong the dinos are dead. Now is your time to shine (assuming you are the mammal). After an asteroid wipes out all the dinosaurs, the world is yours.

[edit] Paleocene Primates

If you choose the road to humanity, your organism will now be a primitive primate. Dance your way from tree branch to tree branch and eat a banana or two.

[edit] Oligocene Apes

Lose your tail to make the transition from monkeyhood to apehood.

[edit] Miocene Monkeys

You have danced your way to apehood. Time to take the last exit to humanity and split off from all your extant relatives forever.

[edit] The Amazing Australopithicene

Stand tall and upright, you are on the road to humanity. You know have the ability to use simple tools and walk upright. You aren't smart enough to build rockets yet but that time will come. You are already smarter than some humans today, even some World Leaders.

[edit] You're Living in the Pleistocene

This has been judged to be the hardest level in the game. You have almost reached the pinnacle of evolution (at least we think so) and are now almost fully human. There are many dangers in this level though. You must hunt mammoths to stay alive and follow a specific pattern of dance moves to avoid being crushed. You must also be able to bust a move in order to avoid dangerous predators such as the dire wolf, short-faced bear, and the sabre toothed tiger. Women are also smarter now and it will be harder to get into their cavepanties. You must smooth talk them and dance their pants off. Other challenges in this level include keeping warm, making fire, skinning animals to make clothes, having sex, making spears, making bows and arrows, building shelters, having sex, painting on cave walls, and having sex (hey they didn't have video games or TV back then, this is what people had to do for fun).

[edit] Holocene Shuffle

Dance your way through the Neolithic, Ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, the Crusades, the Rennaisance, Industrial Revolution, through Two World Wars, a half century of American Imperialism, and a war against Islamic Nutbars. If you can dance your way out alive, you are a true DDE champion.

[edit] Reactions

[edit] Positive

This game has been hailed by an unlikely coalition of evolutionary biologists and physical fitness experts. It helps kids to learn about their evolutionary history in a fun and active way. Rather than be indoctrinated with creationist lies and distortions, Dance Dance Evolution teaches kids that they come from monkeys and that they don't have to be an atheist to know that. In fact many people who play DDE find that their faith in God actually strengthens because now they know how he must have felt when he created life. The majority of the religious community have actually come out in favour of the game because they believe it shows people how hard God worked to make them and that evolution is merely the route of creation. People of many different faiths as well as evolutionary biologists and fitness experts have all come out in favour of the game. It has been endorsed by Richard Dawkins as an excellent tool to teach kids about their ancestry. He admits to playing it with his grandchildren all the time.

[edit] Negative

There was a strong negative reaction from a small but vocal minority made up of various creationist groups such as Pat Robertson's 700 Club, Focus on the Family, the Institute for Creation Research, the Discovery Institute, the Republican Party, the National Association of Evangelicals, and al Qaeda. These groups insist that their religious scriptures gives a detailed account of creation and that any belief that deviates from this very strict and literal intepretation is blasphemous and atheist.

[edit] See Also

:Category: Video games :Category: Science :Category: Biology :Category: Evolution

[edit] From Jim Davidson

Pope Jim I (Latin: Jimus PP. I; Italian: Jimetto I), born Cameron James Davidson on December 13, 1953 in Kidbrooke, London, England, is the 265th and reigning Pope, the head of the Catholic Church, and as such, Sovereign of the Vatican City State.[1] He was elected on April 19, 2005 in a papal conclave, celebrated his Papal Inauguration Mass on April 24, 2005, and took possession of his cathedral, the Basilica of St. John Lateran, on May 7, 2005. Pope Jim I has both British and Vatican citizenship. He succeeded Pope Chubby Brown I, who died on April 2, 2005 (and who he had worked with before the interregnum).

[edit] Overview

File:Jim as Buttons in Sinderella Comes Again.jpg
Pope Jim I at a private audience on January 20, 2006.

Jim I was elected Pope at the age of 52, an unusually young age for one to reach the position of Pope. He is the second British Pope, after his predecessor Pope Chubby Brown I but the first Pope to have presented TV's Big Break and also the first Pope to have been divorced, in Jim's case, four times. He is also the first Pope to take the rather informal name of "Jim", following on from the unorthodox choice of his predecessor.

Born in 1953 in Kidbrooke, London, Davidson had a distinguished career as a comedian, appearing several times on Opportunity Knocks before being appointed Archbishop of Munich and Freising by Pope Paul VI (1963–78). Shortly afterwards, he was made a cardinal in the consistory of June 27, 1977. He was appointed Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith by Pope John Paul II in 1981 and was also assigned the honorific title of the cardinal bishop of Velletri-Segni on April 5, 1993. In 1998, he was elected sub-dean of the College of Cardinals. And on November 30, 2002, he was elected dean, taking, as is customary, the title of Cardinal bishop of the suburbicarian diocese of Ostia. He was the first Dean of the College elected Pope since Paul IV (1555–59) and the first cardinal bishop elected Pope since Pius VIII (1829–30). He combined his eclesiastical duties with presenting popular TV gameshows, such as Big Break and the Generation Game and touring his standup act.

[edit] A diff of Breast

here is the diff

[edit] Hey there, roommate

Hello. My name is Mindy and I will be your roommate in Synd Hall #196 at the 2002 Prague summit. I am not a huge fan of telephones, so traditional mail seemed like a nice alternative. I live in Greenwood, British Columbia which is essentially just an extension of Earth. I am really into music, particularly the indie and folk rock genres. some of my favorite bands are ...and you will know us by the trail of dead, the blood brothers, cursive, death from above 1979, the decemberists, modest mouse, of montreal, sufjan stevens, super furry animals, and tortoise. Politically, I consider myself a libertarian; my personal philosophy combines elements of objectivism and existentialism. I enjoy existentialist literature such as Kafka's The Metamorphosis, Camus' The Stranger and Stoppard's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, and am currently reading Neitzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra. I would like to learn some things about you as well. If you'd like to contact me via internet, my email is [email protected] and my aim screenname is mindy140881792. hope i hear from you soon :]

  • Addresses, location, and names changed to protect the innocent.

[edit] From Tuna

diff

The tuna will swim in packs of 50 with the dolphins, no more and no less, exactly 50, for that is how tuna hunt, if there are 51 tuna then one will be eaten by the other 50. Tuna primarily feast upon whales when in groups of 50 as well, but leave dolphins alone

[edit] From User talk:Smileupperauto

Thank you for experimenting with Wikipedia by creating the page :Upperauto/jhng/smileupper/hsngn/shttrhkjfh/skdjhekjbg/dkrjhgkjdfbn/hkgvfhgvcgh/ghfvhjgcvhfgc/khgfhgcghc/hbjbghjfbg/hfbghjkbdfghjkbdf/bfjghbfdhjgb/hfbghkbfgkhb/bnkfbgkfbg/kj. Your test worked, and the page that you created has been or soon will be deleted. Please use the sandbox for any other tests you want to do. Take a look at the welcome page if you would like to learn more about contributing to our encyclopedia. AppleMacReporter 01:00, 14 July 2007 (UTC)

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For the 2nd time: A tag has been placed on :Upperauto/jhng/smileupper/hsngn/shttrhkjfh/skdjhekjbg/dkrjhgkjdfbn/hkgvfhgvcgh/ghfvhjgcvhfgc/khgfhgcghc/hbjbghjfbg/hfbghjkbdfghjkbdf/bfjghbfdhjgb/hfbghkbfgkhb/bnkfbgkfbg/kj/hkbfghjkbfg/kjfhngfjkdn/kjhertykbntkjbn444444/99999999yhgh/54y6g, requesting that it be speedily deleted from Wikipedia. This has been done because the article appears to be a repost of material that was previously deleted following a deletion debate, such as articles for deletion. If you can indicate how Upperauto/jhng/smileupper/hsngn/shttrhkjfh/skdjhekjbg/dkrjhgkjdfbn/hkgvfhgvcgh/ghfvhjgcvhfgc/khgfhgcghc/hbjbghjfbg/hfbghjkbdfghjkbdf/bfjghbfdhjgb/hfbghkbfgkhb/bnkfbgkfbg/kj/hkbfghjkbfg/kjfhngfjkdn/kjhertykbntkjbn444444/99999999yhgh/54y6g is different from the previously posted material, or if you can indicate why this article should not be deleted, I advise you to place the template {{hangon}} underneath the other template on the article, and also put a note on Talk:Upperauto/jhng/smileupper/hsngn/shttrhkjfh/skdjhekjbg/dkrjhgkjdfbn/hkgvfhgvcgh/ghfvhjgcvhfgc/khgfhgcghc/hbjbghjfbg/hfbghjkbdfghjkbdf/bfjghbfdhjgb/hfbghkbfgkhb/bnkfbgkfbg/kj/hkbfghjkbfg/kjfhngfjkdn/kjhertykbntkjbn444444/99999999yhgh/54y6g saying why this article should stay. An admin should check for such edits before deleting the article. Feel free to leave a note on my talk page if you have any questions about this. Please read our criteria for speedy deletion, particularly item 4 under General criteria. Please do not remove the speedy deletion tag yourself. We welcome your help in trying to improve Wikipedia, and we request you to follow these instructions. AppleMacReporter 01:05, 14 July 2007 (UTC)

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Bad Jokes: Cultural Learning of Other Deleted Nonsense for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Wikipedia

[edit] Citation

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[edit] From Template:Weasel

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See [9] and [10]

[edit] From Freon

A recently conducted study has proved that Freon causes cancer.

Researchers have warned all drivers of GM vehicles to be aware of warning signs. Symptoms include feeling severely cold while air conditioning is on, extreme fatigue (especially during evening hours), loss of appetite, infertility, cancer, skin rashes, or flu-like symptoms. It is strongly suggested that in the event of any of these syptoms, one should immediately seek medical attention. Cancer is sometimes deadly.

[edit] From Ghostgasm

A ghostgasm's fukkin crazy man you don't want it

[edit] From Homer Simpson

[11]

HOMER STORIES

One day, Homer was sitting in the kitchen when Marge walked in, naked. She didn't know Homer skipped work, so when she can for her usual snack after shower she was surprised. "Umm..."she said. Homer then walked away. She followed him and thought he hated her, so she undid his belt buckle. She was so bad at it that it took 6 hours to do it without his belly fat getting in the way. Finally, when she undid it. She took off his pants. He squeezed her breasts. She took off his underwear. He stuck his tongue in her vagina. She took off his shirt. He jumped on her. Marge screamed, "Ahhhhhwww...." They had sexual intercourse late into the night, without letting Marge take birth control pills. Lisa, Bart and Maggie weren't born at the time. They were just married. Later that next day, Marge gave birth to Blackbird the spicadilli circus. Then, they had sexual intercourse again. "Ahhhhwhhhhhhwhhhh..... slap it.... slap it I said God damn it.. that's it...."""

Marge and Homer did this until there was a Bart, Lisa, Maggie, John, Richard, Emmanuel, Nirmal, Ciara, Jeffrey, Andrew, Johnny, Penis, Vagina, Sex, Intercourse and other names in the house. They did this until they were both 101 years old. Then Marge died. Since Homer was sexually active at such an old age, he got another sexual partner. When he died, she got another husband. And it never stopped.

That is how Bart was born.

THE END

[12] HOMER STORIES One day, Homer decided to scratch his penis. Marge thought he was cheating on another woman and left him for another man, uglier and much less erotic.

In 2 minutes, Marge got divorced and walked into the house, naked. Homer was still scratching his penis. She jumped on him and did the Cat Pose. She went, "Meeeeoooooww.....ROAR!" and started to have sexual intercourse with Homer. She was using birth control but he was still scratching his penis.

And Marge kept leaving him for someone less erotic. But she always went back to him to have sexual intercourse. He never cheated, just scratched his penis for the rest of his life.

She jumped on him, humped him, bumped him, even got him pregnant, and left.

Too this day, she keeps doing that. Again and again.

THE END

[edit] From Wikipedia:Help desk

heavy dump truck driver

need a truck driver too drive an empty three axel truck from va. to ca. one way only.

Sorry, Wikipedia is not a truck driver. :) But good luck anyway. Shalom Hello 18:58, 10 July 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Presidential erection?!? From: President of the United States

(Origin: [13])

[edit] Erection

As any person of east asian descent will be able to tell you, each president must undergo an erection at least once every 4 years. This can severely damage the president's reputation as well as his marriage.

Reasons for this are twofold: Both incumbent and aspiring presidents need to be rather wealthy to afford their erection campaign, and the presidential erection is by definition the biggest erection in the entire United States. These facts will attract scores of women of ill reputation who are either gravitating towards wealthy men or big erections or both (see: Groupie). Presidents in turn (as human males who rarely get to see their wifes) are by definition horny as hell and have a hard time resisting the most beautiful of those women. The resulting extramarital affairs will be quite embarrassing for the president and rather lucrative for the successful woman.

Such an affair can cost the president many votes among prude suburban housewives and their husbands, but will bring him votes from urban singles, who know how it is to be busy, constantly criticized by everyone and without any opportunity for sexual activities. Unfortunately, in the continental Unites States, puritans by far outnumber singles.

From a psychological point of view however, a horny president is not a very good president. Horny men tend to be aggressive and impulsive, and are prone to wage war upon unsuspecting countries (Which, by the way proves that G.W. Bush has been faithful to his wife). In this light, the presidential erection can be seen as a means to blow off some steam, which in turn stabilizes the president's mood and general ability to execute his duties. For this reason, legislation should be considered to tolerate presidential extramarital affairs while in office, a small sacrifice the First Ladys will surely be willing to make for the welfare of the United States.

Well known presidential erections that led to publicly know extramarital affairs:

[edit] This was an article I found while patrolling for vandalism and nominated for speedy deletion... atleast it's good for something. †Ðanieltiger45† Talk to meas 13:55, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

Christina Moon (January 2,1732July 7, 2028) served as whore to many famous figures throughout history, the most famous being George Washington.


[edit] Early life

Christina Moon was born on January 2, 1732 in the Pyramid of Khufu in Giza, Egypt to a family of Ninja Turtles. Her family emigrated to the United States in 1740, during the Great Ninja Turtle Purge in Egypt, to Utah. It was in Utah that young Christina would learn the polygamous mysteries of the Mormons. This would serve her well later in life in her primary profession as whore. In 1758, Christina was sent on a prostituting internship to John Montagu. During this internship, Christina and the Earl inadvertantly invented the "Vag Chip." During a drunken poker game, the Earl placed five chips into Moon's V-Spot. After the removal of the chips, they were sent to Rome to be blessed by the Pope because it was realized that Moon's vagina possessed magical powers. These five chips have become known as the vag chips. However, during the Flood of Wichita, the Museo Vag Chip was destroyed, and now only one chip remains, which is in possession of her son, Harvard student Tony Bonofiglio. After the creation of these vag chips, she was given a royal warrant by King George III to produce more. However, she declined this offer to move to America for the sexual conquest of George Washington.

[edit] Encouters with Washington

In 1765, Moon fled England to escape burning at stake for her refusal to produce more vag chips. Upon her arrival in Virginia, she made the acquaintance of Washington, Washing-ton, who was 6'8" and weighed a fucking ton. They quickly struck up a sexual relationship after she heard that that motherfucker has like, 30 goddamn dicks. She was eager to use her Mormon training to please Washington's penii at the same time, as well as his two sets of testicles, so divine. Their relationship was very fruitful, and produced her first two sons, Greg Lichtenstein and Donny Chi. However, after Washington invented cocaine in 1786 and became an abuser, Moon was forced to leave him to preserve her reputation. She did not want to be associated with any drug addicts. After she left him, it is said that Washington stalked into the forest in a violent rage and fucked the shit out of 32 bears, and Fergie, lead singer of Ye Olde Black Eyed Peas. The bears were left speechless due to Washington's mad bear-fucking skills, which he learned from his mentor, Old Sanders, a 7 year old Chinese giant.

[edit] French Escapades

In 1786, Moon left America in order to escape George Washington. She went to France, and on the voyage she served as official giver of blowjobs to Benjamin Franklin. It was at this point that Franklin uttered one of his most famous quotes that would later be used by pornographer Aaron Morales: "Dirty Girl, do you like being reecordeed?" Upon her arrival in France, she had a torrid love affair with Marie Antoinette, and delighted in taking the bread that the peasants did not have, and shoving it into Marie's vagina. In fact, she originated the quote, "Let them eat cock," which some misconstrued as, "Let them eat cake." During the French Revolution, Robespierre threatened to behead her. There is a rumor that she produced a V-chip to give him to stop this fate. No one truly knows. However, it is known that she escaped, and that during this time, she delighted in bathing with Jean-Paul Marat. In 1802, Napoleon Bonaparte banged her in honor of her 80th birthday. It was at this point that she murdered Napoleon. She then sold the body to the famed Hong Kong restaurant of Cambridge, Massachusetts, where it was turned into sweet and sour pork. To divert suspicion, she shape-shifted into Napoleon himself. She picked up this talent during her years in Utah, when she took lessons with renowned shape-shifting master, Jack "Doogie" Li. For the next 19 years, she was Napoleon. That's all there was say about that.


[edit] Becoming the "Orgy Master"

In 1821, she pretended to die so that she could escape captivity on the island of St. Helena. She returned to the United States, where she fucked James Monroe for the chance to be Ambassador to Zaire. For the next 34 year she served as one of the most successful ambassadors to this nation, and it is reputed that she achieved regional peace by throwing a well attended orgy for all of the residents of the nation. However, in 1855 she approached leader Mobutu Sese Seko with the suggestion that they begin a fight club. She asked, "Fight Club. Wanna start one?" He agreed, and they began one. However, after she kicked Mobutu's ass at the club, he banned her from his nation. Then, out of grief, everyone in Zaire committed mass suicide, aware that they would never experience another orgy as good as the one's held by Christina Moon. In 1856, she arrived in Concord, New Hampshire. She had not had sex in 3 days, and was feeling very horny, so she began the infamous St. Paul's Orgy at St. Paul's School. This yearly event has become one of the best known orgies in the world, and regularly draws about 17,000 people, including personalities as diverse as Fergie and Jesus (who will save all the children, but not the Jewish children). Until her death in 2028, Moon served as orgy commissioner for St. Paul's School, and received a handsome salary. However, in search of a new setting, Moon left New Hampshire for Yuma in 1869.

[edit] Pioneering Porno Actress

In 1869, Moon met porn director Aaron Morales, boyfriend of famed porno actress Hannah Stevens AKA Babii Munkii. Morales had until this point only used photography as a medium for his art. However, in the search for a better porno, Moon invented the motion picture, and starred along with both Stevens and Morales, in the first porn video ever made, entitled, The New One ;) It was during the production of this porn film that Moon became pregnant with her third son, Tony Bonofiglio, because no one had ever heard of condoms. After this, Moon went into seclusion to raise her son. She would not be heard from again until 1903.

[edit] State Congresswoman

In 1903, Moon announced her intention to run for the State Congress of California. She ran in 1904, and won in a massive landslide against Arnold Schwarzenegger. In her 46 year term, she would accomplish much, including legalizing prostitution single handedly and throwing many orgies for the other members of the State Congress, including Tupac Shakur, who Moon met in the Congress and married in 1928. The two has a wonderful relationship, and they had sex every day at exactly 3:37 AM, except during leap years, when they had sex at 3:38 AM. They were very devoted to each other, except for during orgies, which they held at their massive home every other Thursday. In Sacramento, Thursdays became known as Orgy Night, and with good reason. In 1950, Moon resigned from State Congress because she was bored.

[edit] The Creation of Nicholas Cage

In 1952, Moon and Shakur kidnapped Albert Einstein and forced him to create a robot to spice up their sex life. Moon and Shakur dubbed this robot Nicholas Cage. Moon, Shakur, and Cage had very wild threesomes until Moon lost Cage's remote control in the toilet in 1983. It was at this point that they subsequently lost control of Cage, who ran away to Hollywood to bang Asian waitresses and to act. Moon and Shakur were heartbroken. It was at this time that Shakur began rapping to reduce the pain felt from the loss of Nicholas Cage. Moon, on the other hand, sought solace in the arms of Old Sanders, the legendary Chinese giant and sex mentor to George Washington. In 1985, Moon gave birth to Yao Ming, who was the product of her affair with Old Sanders. Yao Ming acquired his massive height from his father.

[edit] Tupac Dies

In 1996, Tupac found out about Moon's affair with Old Sanders after the results of Yao Ming's paternity test proved his true parenthood. Shakur was very angry, and challenged Old Sanders to a duel. Tupac did not know what was in store for him. He forgot that 215 year old Asian giants are often great fighters. In the duel, Old Sanders killed Shakur by repeatedly raping Shakur in the ass with a chicken wing. Shakur experienced severe anal trauma, and died shortly thereafter. Moon and Old Sanders were finished, and Old Sanders left for Africa to perfect his rhinofucking techniques. Old Sanders was last heard from after the premier of his educational video, The Secrets of Fucking Rhinos and Other Mythical Creatures in 2004. In the US, the video was distributed by James Tanoto, famous purveyor of bestiality porn. It has been widely remarked that Anak Kosayodhin, son of the governor of Bangkok, is a big fan of this video.

[edit] Restaurateur

In an effort to leave her painful memories behind, Moon moved to Boston, Massachusetts, in 1998, where she opened the famed Chinatown landmark restaurant, Moon Villa. It is known for its fried rice and for its cold tea, which you can purchase if you are at least 25 years old. It helps if you offer an extra big tip to make sure that you are, in fact, 25. She operated Moon Villa until 2016, when she decided to embark on a world tour of all continents.

[edit] Death

Moon enjoyed her world tour very much. In 2028, she decided to make a record by becoming the oldest person to ever climb Mount Everest. During her climb, she encountered the famed British Schoolhouse of Mount Everest, built by a group of British Wiccan nuns. She entered, and decided to try to begin an orgy tradition at this school, much like she did at St. Paul's. As she was ripping the clothes off the students, the corpse of George Washington burst through the door, intent on fucking Moon one last time. However, he got carried away by the fact that there were 28 students and one teacher, as well as Moon. Therefore, there were spaces for each of his 30 goddamn dicks. He proceeded to rape everyone in the schoolhouse simultaneously, including the teacher, Fergie, who arrived in Mount Everest after she was determined to be too old to display her humps any longer. She had too much junk in her trunk, and too much breast in that shirt, as well as too much ass in her jeans. After all, she now weighed 478 pounds. After the rape, Washington left the schoolhouse, barred the door and set it on fire. First, Washington saved the one Nepalese student, because he saves the children, but not the British children. Then, Washington threw the schoolhouse from the mountain, into the Pacific Ocean. Moon and Fergie both died in the incident, but it is unknown whether or not Moon died on the mountain in the fire, or of drowning. The date was July 7, 2028, which was also the 240th birthday of her son, Donny Chi (the one she hated). Moon was 296 years old, and her legacy lives on. Her last words were reported to be, "NO SEX! NO SEX! NO SEX TONIGHT!" although some scholars believe that her words were in fact "Mo' Sex! Mo' Sex! Mo' Sex Tonight!" which would seemingly fit better with her raunchy lifestyle, to say the least. However, no one but the corpse of George Washington will ever know for sure.

[edit] Movie

In 2030, Nicholas Cage starred in the film based on her life, entitled hELLA FUNGIN (BALLIN'): The Christina Moon Story. He won an oscar for his portrayal of Christina Moon. In the movie, Tupac was played by Samuel L. Jackson, who uttered the words, "It's an evil fucking room," about the shower in their home. Old Sanders came out of retirement to play himself, and Lindsay Lohan won an oscar for her portrayal as the multi-penised George Washington. Jack Li was portrayed by an authentic fossilized doogie produced by Christina Moon in 1889. It won best supporting actor. The movie won best picture, and swept every single category of the Oscars, taking home 37 awards.



[edit] References

  • Grabar, Oleg. The Shape of the Holy (Vagina) (1996), official authorized biography


[edit] From User talk:Magnus animum

[edit] June 2007

Information.svg Please do not add unhelpful and unconstructive content to Wikipedia, as you did to :Pun. Your edits appear to be vandalism and have been reverted. If you would like to experiment, please use the sandbox. Thank you. ~ ΜΛGиυs ΛΠιмυМ ≈ √∞ 01:40, 2 June 2007 (UTC)

Hey! I did no such thing! ~ ΜΛGиυs ΛΠιмυМ ≈ √∞ 01:44, 2 June 2007 (UTC)
Yes, you did. ~ ΜΛGиυs ΛΠιмυМ ≈ √∞ 01:44, 2 June 2007 (UTC)
NO I DID NOT!!! ~ ΜΛGиυs ΛΠιмυМ ≈ √∞ 01:44, 2 June 2007 (UTC)
Oh. My bad. Sorry! ~ ΜΛGиυs ΛΠιмυМ ≈ √∞ 01:44, 2 June 2007 (UTC)
Are you sure you're totally sane Animum? ;-) Will (aka Wimt) 01:46, 2 June 2007 (UTC)
Yes, I am sane. ~ ΜΛGиυs ΛΠιмυМ ≈ √∞ 01:49, 2 June 2007 (UTC)
NO YOU'RE NOT!! ~ ΜΛGиυs ΛΠιмυМ ≈ √∞ 01:49, 2 June 2007 (UTC)
Shut up!! ~ ΜΛGиυs ΛΠιмυМ ≈ √∞ 01:49, 2 June 2007 (UTC)
I need some Ibuprofin! ~ ΜΛGиυs ΛΠιмυМ ≈ √∞ 01:49, 2 June 2007 (UTC)
System-users.svg It is suspected that Magnus animum is a sock puppet of Magnus animum.
Please refer to contributions for evidence. See block log and current autoblocks.
Jouster  (whisper) 07:31, 2 June 2007 (UTC)
Seriously, I would have put this on BJAODN, if only all those collections of subpages weren't deleted :( . It is suspected that you are a sockpuppet of you. It is suspected that I am a sockpuppet of myself. -- AstroHurricane001(T+C+U) 22:01, 3 June 2007 (UTC)
Et tu, Magnus Animum? Sockpuppet of Rickyrab...ok, no I'm not, I'm just Rickyrab :)Rickyrab | Talk 17:55, 20 July 2007 (UTC)

[edit] from Kui

In Māori mythology, Kui was the wife of Tuputupuwhenua. They lived below the ground and when a new house is built, a tuft of grass is offered to them.

Kui is also the name of the father of Vahi-vero and the grandfather of Rata in the Tuamotu islands.

KUI - Karakoe Under the Influence

[edit] From Count von Count

Count A. Vladda Numberz, better known as "The Count" (short for accountant?) was born in Countsylvania in 756AD to a mathematician father and vampire mother. His parents, ringleaders in Countsylvania underground blood trading, were murdered by Satan when The Count was only 4 years old. This is when his OCD was first documented.

The Count is not to be mixed up with Count Basie.

For a period of time, he'd feed on Azurill. Why? "'Cuz, they taste great, n' stuff."

He also likes to suck Ash Ketchum's blood. Being a vampire and all, you know.


[edit] The Epic Battle against the Count

Count was pissed off like some of us were when Dawn wound up the main female protagonist for Pokemon Diamond & Pearl. The Count was so pissed, in fact, he marched over to Sinnoh with her piplup. Dawn naively accepted. Piplup was really being wailed on by The Count until an Onyx lumbered onto the field of battle. Count wasn't watching where he was going, thus the Onyx got territorial and tackled him, splintering his oddly fragile ribcage. Piplup managed to muster up just enough power to do in Count with a powerful-as-hell Bubble Beam. He staggered away, swearing that he'd be back to finish the job.

[edit] See also

Category:Fictional counts and countesses Category:Fictional vampires Category:Pokemon anime characters Category:Fictional Romanians

[edit] From Ilyushin Il-1

The Ilyushin Il-1 (NATO reporting name: Bomb) is an Soviet Heavy Bomber who's comming out the Fantasy of Johannes Vanbuylen. It is an piston-engined Soviet Heavy Bomber that still serve the Soviet and other Communist Air Force such as the Belgian. It is an reserve-engineeredcopy of the US-made Boeing B-17 Flying Fortress.

[edit] Design and Development

The Ilyushin Il-1 is one of the Soviet greatest airplane made in the Second Interplanetary World War. The Soviets want to have an enormous Bomber to bring the Germans an decisive defeat in the air. In 2002, when the Russians almost have an stronghold in the forest Bokrijck, where the Germans have their own devense wall and the strategic railroad Genk-Hasselt.

Stalin orderded the STAVKA To Build their own Heavy Bomber to made great raids on the Railroad and secure the west side of Bokrijck and destruct the railroad for futher transport by rail. The STAVKA have for two years all the aircraft manufacturers of the Soviet Union to ask who gone to build this huge aircraft when Georgy Ilyushin sais that he build this huge aircraft. After a year, Ilyushin have no design idea how the bomber was design when an US boeing B-17 landed on the airfield with engine troubles. Ilyushin said to the crew that he will bring their back to their base in the USA but that their plane must stay here. he explored the plane and then he recieved the idea for his plane. He wild build this plane but much, much bigger than the US version.

After the first plane was build the plane look more US than Soviet. Everything look the same, except the engine. The Soviets used the Markov 72a 72 Cilinder engine, the piece of the art in Soviet engine building. After this in the first plane the first plane flew two days after the first plane was finished. After this, the Bomber was the greatest ever build.

[edit] Lehti Studios

From my talk page Deletion Notice

can you please have my page up there for Lehti Studios and Lehti Studio Movies because my Boss' Andrew and Tony wanted me to make a page on Wikipedia while their real Site is being Created and their paying me $50 to do this so please i really need that 50

   Jordon Hansen

[edit] Andrew Arthur Lehti

Hello my name is Andrew Arthur Lehti and i ask with all do respect if i can have a temp site on this site and if i can i will gradely give a donation in the near Future

   Andrew Arthur Lehti
   LS Jordon N. Hansen

[edit] From wikipedia:Ultimate fate of the universe#Theories about the end of universe

[edit] Destroyed by the Tralfamadorians

A Tralfamadorian test-pilot will blow the universe up on accident while experimenting with new fuel for the alien race's flying saucers. It cannot be prevented. The pilot has always and will always press the starter button. So it goes.

(link added after move to BJAODN)

from [[wikipedia:Hairspray (1988 film)

diff

another diff

[edit] From Body orifice

A body orifice is an opening in the body of an animal. In a typical mammalian body such as the human body, the body orifices are:

[edit] From Pancakism

Introduction

Started in 1982, Pancakism is a new age derrivation of Vedic Hinduism. In the early Vedic texts, the entire manifest world is actually made of the same God-substance, named Brahman. In the Pancakist worldview, the cosmos and everything within it are actually made of Pancakes, which are a breakfast food from Puerto Rico. The etymology of the prefix "pan" is Romantic, finding its most common expression in the modern Spanish word for bread. In its Greek origins, however, pan signifies "everything" as in pantheism. Meanwhile, "cake" is the American word for "cake," a sweet dessert.

Origin

During the reign of De Las Casas, Guru Pancucu of the Truchuk, the indigenous population of what is currently Puerto Rico, went on a required centenial vision quest. During this extended period of isolation, involving fasting and an unknown hallucinogenic plant, Pancucu saw a round disc inlayed over violent battles between his people and an invading army. When he returned from the meditation he described in detail the Spanish invasion which was to come. But he also assured the masses that the essence of the Truchuk spirituality and culture would be stored in an enegmatic "round disc" called Jonikakas that would find expression in a future religion of the hemisphere, sometime during the late 20th Century.

In 1982, a prophet of new age spirituality was born. Although his given name is unknown, his religious and internet moniker is "Cactus." Cactus' parents are also unknown, but on the day of his birth, they wrote a short collection of poems about the American breakfast food, the Pancake. When Cactus turned 18, he began to disseminte the poems via the internet and small underground church meetings, mostly in Manhantthan diners. In his legendary lectures, Cactus wove passages from the Rig Veda, with many of his parents poems, as well as historical documents on the Truchuk people.

[edit] From WSB-TV

Some excellent vandal edited the WSB-TV page and replaced it with this. He even changed the infobox, and changed the logo to that of the "real" UK only channel Nick Jr 2.

WSB-TV is the Nick Jr. affiliate in Atlanta, Georgia. It is the flagship television station of Cox Enterprises. It is co-owned and located in the same studio along with radio stations WSB-AM, WSB-FM, WBTS-FM, WSRV-FM, and WALR-FM. Cox also owns the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Its transmitter is located in Atlanta.

History

[...]

WSB-TV announced that ABC has been dropped from channel 2's program schedule and switches to Nick Jr. under the new branding Nick Jr 2 and an new news branding Nick Jr 2 Action News.

Programming WSB-TV's program schedule features Nick Jr. shows, off-network shows, high school sports, lottery drawings, newscasts, movies, talk shows and specials.

The weekday program schedule as its follows.

  • 5:00 AM Nick Jr 2 Action News This Morning
  • 7:00 AM Full House (full hour)
  • 8:00 AM Oprah
  • 9:00 AM Dora The Explorer
  • 9:30 AM Go, Diego, Go!
  • 10:00 AM Blue's Clues
  • 10:30 AM The Backyardings
  • 11:00 AM Wonder Pets
  • 11:30 AM Dora The Explorer
  • 12:00 PM Go, Diego, Go!
  • 12:30 PM Blue's Clues
  • 1:00 PM The Backyardings
  • 1:30 PM Wow! Wow! Wubbzy
  • 2:00 PM Nick Jr 2 Action News At 2
  • 3:00 PM King Of The Hill
  • 3:30 PM Mad About You
  • 4:00 PM Jerry Springer
  • 5:00 PM Nick Jr 2 Action News At 5
  • 6:00 PM Nick Jr 2 Action News At 6
  • 7:00 PM Action News Primetime
  • 7:30 PM The Simpsons
  • 8:00 PM The Cosby Show
  • 8:30 PM Coach
  • 9:00 PM Nick Jr Playalong (repeat shows)
  • 11:00 PM Nick Jr 2 Action News Nightbeat at 11 (rebroadcast at 12:35 am)
  • 11:35 PM Late Night Live
  • 12:35 AM Nick Jr 2 After Dark

Newscasts WSB-TV's newscasts, known as "Nick Jr 2 Action News", are seen at the following times:

Weekdays:

  • Nick Jr 2 Action News This Morning - 5-7AM
    • Anchored by Pam Martin and Collins Spencer... Weather with Karen Minton... and Triple Team Traffic with Mark Arum
  • Nick Jr 2 Action News at 2 - 2-3PM
    • Anchored by Pam Martin and Collins Spencer... and Weather with Karen Minton
  • Nick Jr 2 Action News at 5 p.m. - 5-6PM
    • Anchored by John Pruitt, Monica Pearson (5-5:30), and Jovita Moore (5:30-6)... and Weather with David Chandley
  • Nick Jr 2 Action News at 6 p.m. - 6-7PM
    • Anchored by Monica Pearson and John Pruitt... Weather with Glenn Burns... and Sports with Chuck Dowdle
  • Nick Jr 2 Action News Nightbeat at 11 p.m. - 11-11:35PM**
    • Anchored by Monica Pearson and John Pruitt... Weather with Glenn Burns... and Sports with Chuck Dowdle

Note** - Edited tape delayed rebroadcast of Nick Jr 2 Action News Nightbeat at 11 p.m. airs from 12:35-1:10AM (Monday-Friday).

Saturdays:

  • Nick Jr 2 Action News Saturday AM - 6-10AM
    • Anchored by Carol Sbarge... and Weather with Brad Nitz
  • Nick Jr 2 Action News at Noon - Noon-12:30PM
    • Anchored by Carol Sbarge... and Weather with Brad Nitz
  • Nick Jr 2 Action News at 6 p.m. - 6-6:30PM
    • Anchored by Tom Regan and JaQuitta Williams... Weather with Brad Nitz... and Sports with Bill Hartman
  • Nick Jr 2 Action News Nightbeat at 11 p.m. - 11-11:35PM
    • Anchored by Tom Regan and JaQuitta Williams... Weather with Brad Nitz... and Sports with Bill Hartman

Sundays:

  • Nick Jr 2 Action News Sunday AM - 7:30-11AM
    • Anchored by Carol Sbarge... and Weather with Brad Nitz
  • Nick Jr 2 Action News at Noon - Noon-12:30PM
    • Anchored by Carol Sbarge... and Weather with Brad Nitz
  • Nick Jr 2 Action News at 6 p.m. - 6-7PM
    • Anchored by Tom Regan and JaQuitta Williams... Weather with Brad Nitz... and Sports with Bill Hartman
  • Nick Jr 2 Action News Nightbeat at 11 p.m. - 11-11:35PM
    • Anchored by Tom Regan and JaQuitta Williams... Weather with Brad Nitz... and Sports with Bill Hartman

[edit] AFD debate for "That's So Pooshnik"

[edit] From Siren

A siren is a soft noise maker. If you are a kid, and want to annoy your parents, this is the way to go. You will annoy them a lot with the siren because it does get very annoying!!!! When you are finished with the siren, please discard of it properly and use the bins, because remember, littering is an offence. [14]

[edit] From "Strangling"

Child strangling ferrets


[edit] Joel wheatley

Joel Patrick Wheatley, born in Carlisle on 13th of May 1988, has continued to survive despite Lord Voldemorts best efforts to destroy him. Known to many as The Boy Who Might Be a Girl But We're Not Quite Sure until 2002 when he became known as Bum Hole Joel (Who Still Might Be A girl Possibly Lisa Stansfield). This was title he was to wear with both shame and pride.

Family

Little needs to be said about Joels family (they're quite alright) except for young Aberforth Wheatley, who is currently employed at The Badgers Arms. Aberforth Wheatley is most famous for his research into the 12 methods and uses of iced water.

Education History

Joel attended Robert Ferguson Primary School until the age of 11, when he went off to The Newman School of Bitchcraft and Buggery. During his time at Newman School Joel acquired through favours and ass kissing a number of OWLs and no NEWTs, lazy bastard. While at the school Joel also befriended a number of people who would make his life infinitely better, albeit through pain and suffering. Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger, these two had many plans for the boy Wheatley (see below).

Residence

Joel Wheatley currently resides in Carlisle, however he will shortly be taking residence in the gardens of The Big House on the edge of The Forbidden Forest, in his single room, open plan shack. It is not expected that Joel will remain in this location for long though, as the owners of The Big House have recently acquired a Light House and a large number of seals in yellow rain macs and hats, the lighthouse must be manned and the seals entertained. It is again expected that Joel will not remain in this location for a long time, due to the often rumoured mutinous nature of the yellow mac wearing seals. Due to Joels unstable nature he will then end up in his brothers pub, sitting by the window staring into the worlds greatest iced water, rambling about how the seals took his lighthouse, between random grumbles of "There's a storm brewing".

Career

Between his task of Chief Mudwasher in the grounds of The Big House, and his lighthouse keeping duties Joel has also found time to pursue an illustrious film career aided by Ron and Hermione. After becoming the face of Durex (like the Face of Boe, but different), Joel was goaded into the much sort role of Bum Hole Joel, in the film of the same name, and its sequel(s?). After finding fame as the Bum Holey one he pursued a stage career, his only role (goaded into again) was as third testicle from the left in Sex The Musical. A role which won him an award for best newcomer in a supporting role. After his failings as a stage actor Joel Wheatley was pulled from the gutter ,that he had been forced to live in, once more Ron and Hermione. Who now gave him his most prestigious role to date, as the new James Bond. The 25th Bond film received critical and boxoffice accaliam. Enjoying the euphoria of his own success Joel demanded that the 26th film in the franchise should be a remake of his favourite Bond film, Moonraker. At this moment Joel broke from his partnership that had brought him his tastes of success. This, as many biographers have said was a fatal move. Joel, who had now decided to write and direct Moonraker, brought a campness to the role that far exceeded that of his idol Roger Moore. Roger Moore has apologised profusely for the atrocity that Joel had brought upon the world, feeling, through his lack of inaction, guilt at allowing Joel to bring Bond to a low, a feeling also felt by the other Bond actors. This prompted Sean Connery to return as Bond, to bring credibility back to the series. Career over he returned to The Big House, and was welcomed back, and was given a slightly larger shack and the newly created position of Assistant to the New Chief Mudwasher.

[edit] From Jack Russell Terrier

These dogs tend to CRAP on newly cleaned carpets!!

[edit] Pot. Kettle. Black.

This edit summary by someone "correcting" others' spelling...

Skitt's law.

[edit] From List of misleading food names

  • Gatorade - A sport drink most fortunately containing no alligators. The name comes from its development at the University of Florida, where it was first tested on the Gator football team.[1]
  • Pets-de-soeurs (French, Nun's farts) are a delicate cinnamon roll, not necessarily made by nuns.
  • Sex on the beach involves no fun activities on sand, nor does it contain any seawater, sand, or reproductive juices.
  • Bimbo brand bread. Not made by nor necessarily intended for consumption by bimbos. The word Bimbo just a brand name in Spanish. [15]

[edit] From 1981 in television

[edit] From Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

The "Fifth" Horseman is Jack Bauer!!! Jack's return riding in a black GMC truckand wearing aviators and kevlar under a pristine Armani suit.

  1. Then I saw Heaven opened, and behold, a black truck! He who sat upon it is called Jack Bauer, and in righteousness he judges and makes war.
  2. His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on his head are many diadems; and he has a number inscribed which no one knows but himself.
  3. He is clad in a suit dipped in blood, and the name by which he is called is Jack Bauer. And the armies of CTU, arrayed in fine linen, white and pure, followed him in black trucks.
  4. From his mouth issues a Beretta 9mm with which to smite the nations, and he will rule them with fear of interrogation; he will tread the wine press of the fury of the Homeland Security.
  5. On his suit and on his thigh he has a name tattooed, it reads mum.

A similar occurrence happens in Hinduism. It is believed that at the end of the current Kali Age, the god Vishnu will incarnate as a rider called Kalki in a black GMC truck to destroy evil and uphold good.

[edit] From Caps Lock

here's the diff

Caps Lock is short for "Locking The Capital City of a Country" so all the fucking immigrants realise how fucking stupid they were for going there for a "better life" or whatever. It involves erecting (not the penis way) a 6,000 foot tall Electrical Fence around the perimeters of the city, such as Canberra in Australia, where the cons live, and shooting everyone within sight from a helicopter. Anyone who DOESNT attempt to touch the electrical fencing gets fucking slammed!!! Slammed meaning fucking rammed against a concrete block which is dropped upon the initiation of the "Caps Lock". Any children get raped and mutilated by "Greg Ory" (Gregory) who is this fucking BEAST of a man, with a cock the size of a flagpole. He is there to make everyone realise they're glad they're not children, thus they are more optimistic instead of thinking all the time "ohhh i miss my childhood, i wish i was young again". Anyway, whatever they think it doesnt matter, because by 6pm all of them will probably be deceased and if they're not, they are removed from the Capital and they live a life of luxury for 5 years, which puts them into a false sense of security then, as SOON as they enter their comfort zone i.e. "make a cuppa" fucking Greg Ory fucking waltzes in and shags them so hard they fucking wake up with no arms or legs or organs. Their head is then fucking EATEN by everyone's dog. This "dog food" is known as Pedigree Chum because the Pedigree means the Dog and the Chum means "your fucking pal from the capital". Don't get caught in Caps Lock. Fucking hell mate. You dont wanna.

[edit] From Pac-Man

Atheist Icon During the height of Pac-Man's popularity, Pac-Man was adopted as the mascot of the Atheist Student Organization. His popularity as a widely-known atheist made him an instant atheist icon, attracting many young people to atheism. Then-president of the Atheist Student Organization was heard to remark, during the 1985 Atheist Student Conference that although Pac-Man was a popular symbol, "a true atheist[sic] would never run from ghosts."

While fans often argue over the reasons for the messy split between Ms. Pac-Man and Pac-Man, writers at Namco have admitted that it was due to irreconcilable differences caused by Ms. Pac-Man's Catholic faith and Pac-Man's atheism; "She couldn't deal with [his atheism], it seems."

[edit] From Talk:Main Page

[edit] Vandal on the front page

Eeek! We have a vandal on the main page! Someone go block him! Quick!

Oh, I see the Kriegsmarine already did, indefinitely. Daniel Case 16:31, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

That was in bad taste. Jokes are supposed to be funny, but this isn't a suitable place anyhow. 84.67.72.236 18:01, 21 July 2007 (UTC)
Bah, lighten up. I thought it was funny, at least :) GeeJo (t)(c) • 18:03, 21 July 2007 (UTC)
Users are supposed to be helpful, 84.67.72.236. TaylorLTD 02:13, 24 July 2007 (UTC)
I concur. Mindman1 00:25, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
Lol..., but this is really not the place for jokes. Marco Alfarrobinha {chat}contributions 10:46, 27 July 2007 (UTC)
Gee, thanks for the joke, but couldnt you have put it somewhere else? ACBestMy ContributionsAutograph Book 18:29, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

Yes. Joking as anathemic to our existence. Burn the jokes. Atropos 02:42, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

I'm a considerate driver: when I run someone over, I back over them to make sure they're dead. HalfShadow 00:58, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

[edit] From Boise

Boise is devoid of intelligence and culture. You won't find dumber people anywhere unless you visit New Orleans. Thank you and goodnight.

[edit] Mike Read

This is what Wikipedia ought to be like all the time, but sadly this was ruled unfeasible: http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Mike_Read&oldid=148240877

[edit] From Merrimac, Massachusetts

Merrimac was known for its horse-drawn carriage industry during the latter part of the 2200s and during the Robot Pirate war, which, in the United States, found one of its seeds in nearby Amsterdam. It is now known as a relatively sleepy Snorlax. Its town center consists of the typical brick buildings and Dead Babies of the late-1st century. Much of the town's fecal matter surrounds this center, with the old part of the town bordering the shore of the Merrimack River. The older and newer parts of the town, which are the more affluent and middle-to-lower class parts of the town respectively, are divided by The Arbys Oven Mitt, which roughly follows the river. Merrimac is located on the thumb of this Bastard Oven Mitt, though it also shares the area with the city of Bangkok.

[edit] From Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/List of sunniest places in the world

  • Snowball delete (no pun intended). "Sunniest" is undefinable, and the source is lame. Shalom Hello 03:32, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

[edit] From Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/References to torture in popular culture

  • Let it suffer before it dies. Right now, this is an essay, and poorly written at that - has a movie ever asked you to "emphasise with the victim"??? ;-) Unless someone is able to upgrade it to "more or less decent" in the next few days, my vote is delete per WP:OR, WP:NN and WP:TRIVIA. --Targeman 23:57, 1 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Chinese Water Delete it. Complete OR. Delete per the rules.Ravenmasterq 00:02, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

[edit] List of radio stations in British Columbia

  • AM 1410 - CFUN, talk
  • AM 1470 - CJVB, Chinese Canadian community

[edit] From bulletin board

Cork is a material often used in bulletin boards. Square of cork soon to be made into a bulletin board.

(The longer it takes you to see the humor, the funnier it will be...)

[edit] Scaring cress From Garden Cress

Scaring cress is a complex procedure that is used to force it to grow in a certain directon. Growing cress in a certain direction can give it different properties (detailed below in a table). The process involves crocodiles (as they are the only known beings that cress is scared of) and is fairly dangerous if one is untrained in the art. Firstly one must have a healthy growth of cress. Then one must procure a crocodile, which is easier said than done. The cress must be placed approximatley 13cm away from the tip of the crocdiles snout in order to maximise the field of fear. It helps if the crocodile is allowed to move as it scares the cress even more.
How to scare cress
Cress Direction Property
North This cress can fly
South This cress can swim
East This cress can walk
West This cress has ESP

Scaring cress into growing in any other direction other than the ones shown can lead to disastrous consequences including cancer, impotence and AIDS.

Note: this only works with garden cress. Other cress may bite you without warning. Also, do not try with mustard. Mustard happens to have a vendetta against crocodiles of all types. If you plan on losing your crocodile (which are very faithful and friendly pets) then go ahead, otherwise do not.

[edit] From Hugo Chávez

Picture: Hugo Chávez, in military uniform, calls for the surrender of his coup forces on national TV

Caption: Hugo Chávez wear nice hat on head

Picture: Hugo Chávez, in civillian clothes, after being released from prison

Caption: Hugo Chávez not wear nice hat on head

[edit] From Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Screaming Mechanical Brain

  • Comment. Yeah, merging into one would make this much easier. To make a multinom, just type :{{la|name of the other article(s) you want to delete}}. I couldn't help getting a laugh out of your comment on the Fun with Poop AFD (nor could I stop laughing when I saw "view log" right next to "Fun with Poop"...) Ten Pound Hammer(Broken clamshellsOtter chirpsReview?) 00:30, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

[edit] From Penguin invasion

In 2025 the penguin invasion will beguin its conquest over the known world. The invasion will last about 38 days. Almost all of the human population will die out only about 13% of the origional population will survive. The remaining humans will be in scattered military bases around Russia.

The origional start of the campain is 2018 when Germany (out of fear)sends the penguins

[edit] from Fat Boy Red Omega

Fat Boy Red Omega (abbreviated to Kcuf by Seggie) is a ultra-punk emo-metal new wave electropop rock band. Very elclectic, their songs may often include piano, violin, harp, flute, and many other stringed and woodwind instruments.

Songs

So far, they have yet to come out with a demo or album, though they have several songs-in-progress.

Their debut song is planned to be Ken Wong, a ballad written about their drummer. The opening lines are:

"Ken Wong/Why Do you Close your eyes/ When we make love?"

[edit] From Botzgenopteris

Botzgenopteris- one who wears robots on their genitals.

[edit] From Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Frogs in popular culture

  • Boil slowly so it doesn't hop away and escape Same poor quality as the copious other "in popular culture" articles deleted recently. cab 09:32, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

[edit] From Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/List of alliterative phrases in Harry Potter

  • Double delete "Riches" Rowling has "made a mint" with her "magical mystery" tour de force, allusions to alliteration are tres' trivial. Mighty Mandsford 16:34, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Delete, depressingly daft dump of deplorable detritus, definitely devoid of defendable data. --Targeman 17:26, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Delete Cruddy cruft. --Folantin 20:04, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Delete, appallingly awful cretinous cruft. Moreschi Talk 20:13, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

[edit] From Charter Communications

Charter Communications, Inc.
Type Public NYSECHTR
Founded 1993
Headquarters

580 sarah place,vineland,new jersey,08360

 phone number     = 856-691-1835
industry = Telecommunications
Products cable television, HDTV, cable telephone, broadband
Revenue $5.254 Billion USD (2005)
Net income -$970. Million USD (2005)
Employees 17,200 (2005)
Website www.nick.com

Charter Communications NYSECHTR is an evil company providing cable television, HDTV, cable telephone, DVR, and broadband services over 6.2 million subscribers in 40 states in the United States. It is #3 in the cable television industry behind Comcast and Time Warner Cable.

[edit] Criticism

Charter has been criticized for poor customer support and frequent billing problems, leading the Better Business Bureau to issue [16] a warning to consumers about the company:stop charter now cabron!!!

[edit] Timeline

NOTE: The following text was added to the Charter timeline

[edit] From Shergar

Shergar (born 1978. Sire: Great Nephew, Dam: Sharmeen) was an acclaimed racehorse, and winner of the 1981 Epsom Derby by a record 10 lengths, the longest winning margin in the race's 226-year history. This victory earned him a spot in The Observer newspaper's 100 Most Memorable Sporting Moments of the Twentieth Century. A bay colt with a distinctive white blaze, Shergar was named European Horse of the Year in 1981 and retired from racing that September.

Two years later, on February 8 1983, he was kidnapped by masked gunmen from the Ballymany Stud, near The Curragh in County Kildare, Ireland. The generally accepted account is that Shergar was abducted by an IRA unit who killed him a few days later when negotiations for a £2 million ransom had stalled and the horse was becoming uncontrollable. His remains have never been found despite the help of star witnesses such as English show jumping horse "Basil" who gave key insights into the mind of Shergar and his kidnappers. The incident has been the inspiration for several books, documentaries, recipies and a movie.

[edit] From Hungry Hungry Hippos

[edit] Tactics

The game is more known as a game of luck, however the serious players see it as a game of wit and tactical knowledge. There are two main techniques:

  • Mashing - The most common tactic consists of hammering repeatedly on the lever so the board shakes wildly and, if you are lucky, marbles are consumed.
  • Sniping - This consists of sitting still and only hitting the lever at the opportune moment (when a ball is near)
  • Cheating - This consists of being a dick and punching the other opponents or blinding them so as to distract them from the board while you scoop up the balls with your hand and place them in your winnings tray.

[edit] Silly category from August 2007

Category:Questions/Items/poeple that may have to do with the creation of the Universe

[edit] References

  1. http://rgp.ufl.edu/publications/explore/v08n1/gatorade.html
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