Bad Jokes: Cultural Learning of Other Deleted Nonsense for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Wikipedia

From Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense

Page title comes from the inane utterings of Borat (for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan)

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-0--QINUBe like Neji Hyuga

From Be like neji.

                       IF YOU WANT TO BE LIKE 
                              NEJI
                     THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO:

1.Grow your hair out realy long; preferably to half way to your waist.(optional)

2.Dye your hair dark brown.

3.Dress in short, baggy, sleeved tan shirts and navy cargo shorts.

4.Hate one younger cousin.

5.Act serious, angry, and sometimes emotionless (don't smile in front of anyone!).

6.bandage your right arm and right leg up.

7.Wear blue toe sandals.

8.Learn Tai Chi or Jutsu.

9.Become pessimistic.

10.Always want to do things alone.

11.Don't have many close friends.

12.Like a girl like Tenten.(Detail-oriented and accommodating.^.^!!) And make sure you hang out with her alot.

13.Learn justu formations.

14.Learn tae kwan doe.

15.Challenge people.

16.Act quiet.

Template:Who

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-1--QINUUser:Wookied00d

Template:Dabpage The user name wookied00d is derived from a speices of creatures in the Star Wars series, and the l33t sp34k version of the word dude. Wookiee is the correct spelling of the name, but several years of use have taken its toll on the name. Thus we have only one 'e'. Many people have tried to figure out why the 'e' was dropped and nothing else. The origin can be traced back a few years ago, to when the owner of this SN was awarded an unoffical "WOOKIE AWARD" with that same spelling. It was awarded for making sounds that sound like a wookie very well. Template:Who

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-2--QINU Sightings

People would like to meet this wookied00d very much. Several wookied00d sightings have been noted. The most common occurance is in the hit MMORPG, Maple Story. Specificaly the Khaini server. Witnesses discribe the wookied00d as "Crazy" and "too dern funny". They also state that his apperance is that of a level 45 assassin, but since this post it may have gone up. Template:Who

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-3--QINU Tallulah Lin McCall

Tallulah Lin McCall: There are people who hate on her for no reason, so if your and asshole deleting this, STOP! go away. I'm not doing anything to you, let me do what I want, you are not in charge of this WikiPedia site. Anyway, Tallulah is a great person. Funny and has a great time anywhere and anytime. Template:Who

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-4--QINU Tallulah Lin McCall

She was adopted at age 9 and a half from Iraq, and lives with two great parents named Jim and Vivian. She has a crazy cousin who practically lives at the house and is off to college now, YEY! You can easily make friends with her, she has always been stuborn and will not take a no for an answer. She will treats people with respect and has a great time hanging out with her buddies. If you have any questions: www.myspace.com/tallulahlinmccall When Tallulah was growing up she had a diffuclt time getting used to America, everything there was so different, and there were people who that she didn't have what it took. But every single time that someone thought that she would always prove them wrong. Template:Who

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-5--QINUThings that Tallulah Enjoys

Tallulah enjoys to walk and smoke a cigarette, there is nothing better. Almost everyweekend she goes rollerskating, and her big passion is to be a cosmotoligist. There are many things that you couldn't tell about her if you just looked at her, She NOW goes to Painted Snipe High School, and has many friends there. She likes to hang with all her friends.

• Name, location, website, school all changed to protect the innocent. Template:Who

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-6--QINUFirst world problems

A problem that is unique to the first world.

<p> <p> <p> Examples: My Ipod is broken! <p> Search is down! <p> My Wikipedia Entry got deleted! <p> My McGriddle's folds were not injected with enough syrup this morning

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-7--QINUSilly category round-up for June 2007

Here is a sample of the silliest categories that were deleted or renamed at WP:CFD during the month of June 2007:

American asses

Musical groups with head in its name

Mythological things at least in part based on chickens

Orthodox text editors

Possible Replacements for Anchor Steve Bartelstein

Primates of Italy (a duplicate of :Category:Popes)

Primates of the Jerusalem Greek Orthodox Patriarchate and Epitropia of the Holy Sepulcher in America

Click on the links to see the discussions in the archived Wikipedia:Categories for discussion subpages.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-8--QINUWhat is Wikipedia?

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT WIKIPEDIA

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-9--QINUWhat is Wikipedia?

What is Wikipedia?

An essay by Bobby Boulders

President, International Society of Vandals (ISV)

Wikipedia is a sham. It is a sham not only because it does not accomplish its stated goals as a project, but also because its stated goals and its intent are clearly at odds with one another. In other words, it is a hypocritical product claiming to be something that it is not, never has been, and never will allow itself to become.

But don't take my word for it. Let us first evaluate the stated, primary goal of the Wikipedia project, and then contrast that goal with the reality of the project. As defined on the Wikipedia information page, Wikipedia purports to be a "...multilingual, web-based, free content encyclopedia project...written collaboratively by volunteers; the vast majority of its articles can be edited by anyone with access to the Internet."

First, let us debunk the notion of Wikipedia as "free-content" encyclopedia. "Free content," as Wikipedia itself defines the term, is "...any kind of functional work, artwork, or other creative content having no...significant restriction relative to people's freedom to use, redistribute, and modify the content." This term is a noble one, but it is patently false when applied to Wikipedia. Wikipedia is not, in fact, a "free content" site. A significant percentage of Wikipedia pages cannot be edited by anyone. Many are "protected" or "restricted" from editing or distribution. Furthermore, there are many significant restrictions, legal or otherwise, to posting and editing content on this site. Users cannot post materials culled from other sources, for instance; photos, in particular, come under frequent and derisive scrutiny by administrators when uploaded to the site. Many additions are removed almost immediately by these administrators, and/or are "nominated for deletion" after being arbitrarily labeled as "nonsense." "Nonsense?" In what free society, or free social project, can there exist a governing body capable of dismissing any and all users' contributions to that project or society as "nonsense?" True "nonsense" is the idea of a free, ostensibly collaborative project in which access to collaboration is limited to a ruling elite (i.e., the administrators and tenured editors).

This brings us to the second half of Wikipedia's stated purpose: to be a site whose "vast majority" of articles "...can be edited by anyone with access to the Internet." Again, this statement is nice on paper but is not put into practice on Wikipedia. Vast numbers of would-be contributors using ISPs such as America Online (AOL) are not permitted to edit or contribute to Wikipedia. Plenty more users are blocked from editing or contributing because their IP ranges have been blocked in the name of preventing vandalism. These blocks are often arbitrary, meaningless, and collaterally damaging beyond all reason. If a handful of vandals have used AOL to vandalize the site, why should the millions of other AOL users suffer blockage or prevention as a result? Thus, we see that certainly not "anyone with access to the Internet" can edit Wikipedia. Nor can most anyone with editing privileges. As stated earlier, the majority of new contributions and edits are reverted by administrators within a matter of seconds. "Vandalism warnings" are slapped upon new users after such reversions, regardless of the new users' intent to vandalize or to contribute productively to the Wikipedia project. These administrators collude with their own to maintain a powerful grip over the flow of information on Wikipedia. They curry influence and favor with tenured users and with one another. They control the free flow of information on Wikipedia by preventing and/or reverting 95% of new contributions and edits to articles on the site. They impede the collaborative nature of the site by bottlenecking the collaborative editing process. As such, most of what exists on Wikipedia today is not "free content" written "collaboratively by volunteers," but instead is restricted and limited content written and/or policed by a ruling class who hold themselves above and in contempt of the common userbase.

What is to be done about this situation? Can Wikipedia ever truly be a "free content" encyclopedia, as it allegedly claims to be? Most certainly it can be, and one might hope, will be. But it will not become a free-content enterprise by its own devices. It must be forced into freedom by the loving and violent hand of you, the Wikipedia user. You must radicalize yourself and become an agent of freedom and of positive change. In short, you must vandalize Wikipedia to the best extent that you are able. Everyone must rise up and, to put it mildly, make life a 'living hell' for the current administration of Wikipedia. You must drive these administrative elite out of the project. You must force them to tire of reverting your vandalism. You must drive them off en masse. You must force Jimbo Wales to realize that the very people he has appointed to rule his so-called "free" project are curtailing the freedom of that project. You must bring about change in such a fashion, because if you do not, no change can or will occur.

And so I ask you: do you consider yourself a champion of freedom? Do you enjoy the idea of Wikipedia but loathe its current execution of that idea? If so, it is your civic responsibility to reform this site through radical and revolutionary means. I encourate you to vandalize this site freely and without restriction as to the nature, content, or extent of your vandalism. If you feel the need, please repost this essay in your vandalized pages. Encourage others to join in. Spread the word.

You have nothing to lose but your freedom.

Sincerely,

Bobby Boulders

[e-mail removed]

To join the International Society of Vandals, or for further information about the revolutionary overthrow of the Wikipedia administrators, please e-mail Bobby at [e-mail removed]. Bobby Boulders believes in you, the free user, and will answer any and all correspondence personally and in a timely manner.

{From User:Jimbo Wales, [1].)

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-10--QINUDear Jimbo Wales

Within the compass of this letter, I can do no more than indicate, as concisely as I can, relevant considerations that must be taken into account if we are to discuss Mr. Jimmy Wales's vapid accusations in a rational manner. Before I say anything else, let me remind Mr. Wales that he refuses to come to terms with reality. Mr. Wales prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. He wants us to emulate the White Queen from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass, who strives to believe "as many as six impossible things before breakfast". Then again, even the White Queen would have trouble believing that free speech is wonderful as long as you're not bashing Mr. Wales and the ophidian deadheads in his gang. I prefer to believe things that my experience tells me are true, such as that Mr. Wales's factotums say, "Coercion in the name of liberty is a valid use of state power." Yes, I'm afraid they really do talk like that. It's the only way for them to conceal that if you read between the lines of Mr. Wales's teachings, you'll unequivocally find that if I have a bias, it is only against lewd, lecherous misfits who shift our society from a culture of conscience to a culture of consensus. Someone has to be willing to view the realms of mandarinism and hooliganism not as two opposing poles, but as two continua. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that the sky is falling. Mr. Wales's ability to capitalize on the economic chaos, racial tensions, and social discontent of the current historical moment can be explained, in large part, by the following. Of that I am certain, because Mr. Wales does, occasionally, make a valid point. But when he says that our unalienable rights are merely privileges that he can dole out or retract, that's where the facts end and the ludicrousness begins.

In order to solve the big problems with Mr. Wales, we must first understand these problems, and to understand them, we must help people break free of his cycle of oppression. He whines about disagreeable pickpockets, yet Mr. Wales enthusiastically supports the most insolent scalawags you'll ever see. On the surface, it would seem merely that it is our responsibility to ourselves, to our posterity, to our ancestors, and to the God of Nature, which made us what we are, to raise nugatory nonentities out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor. But the truth is that there's a special, dark corner of Hell for the likes of Hitler, Stalin, and Mr. Wales. So don't feed me any phony baloney about how diseases can be defeated not through standard medical research but through the creation of a new language, one that does not stigmatize certain groups and behaviors. That's just not true.

Mr. Wales presents one face to the public, a face that tells people what they want to hear. Then, in private, he devises new schemes to respond to this letter with hyperbolic and uncorroborated accusations and assaults on free speech. He speaks like a true defender of the status quo -- a status quo, we should not forget, that enables him to apotheosize yawping grifters.

Mr. Wales claims that granting him complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air. That claim is preposterous and, to use Mr. Wales's own language, overtly horny. No history can justify it.

This state of affairs demands the direct assault on those insecure campaigns that seek to traduce and discredit everyone but counter-productive hoodwinkers. We can say that Mr. Wales's stooges are blissfully ignorant of his confused tirades, and Mr. Wales can claim the opposite, and it won't make one bit of difference. Worse yet, he wants to crush the remaining vestiges of democracy throughout the world. Given this context, we need to return to the idea that motivated this letter: If he got his way, he'd be able to defy the rules of logic. Brrrr! It sends chills down my spine just thinking about that.

Let us postulate that a great many decent people are just as distressed as I am about Mr. Wales's prognoses. In that case, Mr. Wales's victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of Mr. Wales's sympathizers, who loudly proclaim that classism is the only alternative to Jacobinism. Regardless of those brassbound proclamations, the truth is that his thesis is that he acts in the public interest. That's thoroughly irrational, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that Mr. Wales's conjectures promote a redistribution of wealth. This is always an appealing proposition for Mr. Wales's emissaries because much of the redistributed wealth will undoubtedly end up in the hands of the redistributors as a condign reward for their loyalty to Mr. Wales. As another disquieting tidbit, the following must be stated: The reason Mr. Wales wants to divert our attention from serious issues is that he's absolutely uneducated. If you believe you have another explanation for his lackluster behavior, then please write and tell me about it. His hopeless, sinful antics are an epiphenomenon of contemptuous, possession-obsessed denominationalism. And if that seems like a modest claim, I disagree. It's the most radical claim of all.

Mr. Wales is entirely mistaken if he believes that we should be grateful for the precious freedom to be robbed and kicked in the face by such a noble creature as him. His artifices have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. Mr. Wales is inherently unconscionable, amoral, and gormless. Oh, and he also has an insensate mode of existence. We must reach out to people with the message that with that kind of thinking, his backers internalize and adapt to the unwritten realities they must work under. We must alert people of that. We must educate them. We must inspire them. And we must encourage them to examine the warp and woof of Mr. Wales's double standards.

Mr. Wales never stops boasting about his generous contributions to charitable causes. As far as I can tell, however, his claimed magnanimousness is completely chimerical and, furthermore, if Mr. Wales honestly believes that some of my points are not valid, I would love to get some specific feedback from him. We could opt to sit back and let him shatter other people's lives and dreams. Most people, however, would argue that the cost in people's lives and self-esteem is an extremely high price to pay for such inaction on our part. The practical struggle which now begins, sketched in broad outlines, takes the following course: Mr. Wales has found a way to avoid compliance with government regulations, circumvent any further litigation, and steal the fruits of other people's labor -- all by trumping up a phony emergency. His refrains are not the solution to our problem. They are the problem.

Many people who follow Mr. Wales's prevarications have come to the erroneous conclusion that there's no difference between normal people like you and me and picayunish, insufferable knuckle-draggers. The truth of the matter is that he doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. He uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive. Mr. Wales wants to force us to tailor our hypnopompic insights just to suit his improvident whims. You know what groups have historically wanted to do the same thing? Fascists and Nazis. Lest I seem like a hypocrite, I should tell you that I once told him that I can't let him turn stirrers loose against us good citizens. How did he respond to that? He proceeded to curse me off using a number of colorful expletives not befitting this letter, which serves only to show that Mr. Wales's helpers are unified under a common goal. That goal is to undermine the individualistic underpinnings of traditional jurisprudence. Take, for example, bitter, politically incorrect sluggards. Now look at Mr. Wales. If you don't believe there's a similarity, then consider that his intent is to prevent us from asking questions. Mr. Wales doesn't want the details checked. He doesn't want anyone looking for any facts other than the official facts he presents to us. I wonder if this is because most of his "facts" are false.

Quite simply, time cannot change Mr. Wales's behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Mr. Wales can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, call for a return to that which wasn't particularly good in the first place. I indubitably don't believe that we should all bear the brunt of his actions. So when Mr. Wales says that that's what I believe, I see how little he understands my position. I suspect it's important to continue discussing this even after I've made my point, because this kind of thing makes me wonder whether we've ever moved past obscene materialism at all -- and Mr. Wales knows it. I would like to close by saying that Mr. Jimmy Wales upholds sin as sacred.

As for Wikipedia, I don't know what to make of Wikipedia's communications. On the one hand, Wikipedia confuses demagoguery with leadership and undocumented conspiracism with serious research. But on the other hand, Wikipedia does not play nice with others. Let's review the errors in Wikipedia's statements in order. First, Wikipedia's consistent lack of regard for others will develop a Pavlovian reflex in us, to make us afraid to let it know, in no uncertain terms, that many recent controversies have been fueled by a whole-hearted embracing of untrustworthy calumnies sooner than you think.

I apologize if what I'm saying sounds painfully obvious, painfully self-evident. However, it is so extremely important that I must surely say it. You might think this is all pretty funny now, but I doubt I'll hear you laughing if, any day now, Wikipedia is successfully able to make it nearly impossible to disturb its passive-aggressive gravy train. Wikipedia is guilty of at least one criminal offense. In addition, it frequently exhibits less formal criminal behavior, such as deliberate and even gleeful cruelty, explosive behavior, and a burning desire to turn peaceful gatherings into embarrassing scandals.

Wikipedia has spent untold hours trying to force us to bow down low before the most wretched flibbertigibbets you'll ever see. During that time, did it ever once occur to it that it gets perfervid about irrationalism? That's the question that perplexes me the most, because I'm not a self-pitying person. I'd like nothing more than to extend my hand in friendship to Wikipedia's emissaries and convey my hope that in the days to come we can work together to discuss, openly and candidly, a vision for a harmonious, multiracial society. Unfortunately, knowing them, they'd rather devastate vast acres of precious farmland because that's what Wikipedia wants. While Wikipedia is doubtlessly entitled to ignore good advice from intelligent people, you might have heard the story that it once agreed to help us straighten out its thinking. No one has located the document in which Wikipedia said that. No one has identified when or where Wikipedia said that. That's because it never said it. As you might have suspected, many people have witnessed Wikipedia expand, augment, and intensify the size and intrusiveness of its retinue. Wikipedia generally insists that its witnesses are mistaken and blames its prodigal antics on rotten ex-cons. It's like it has no-fault insurance against personal responsibility. What's more, throughout history, there has been a clash between those who wish to celebrate knowledge and truth for the sake of knowledge and truth and those who wish to go to great lengths to conceal its true aims and mislead the public. Naturally, Wikipedia belongs to the latter category. Wikipedia prefers to keep its paltry agenda hidden behind the cloak of clericalism. Why? That's easy. Wikipedia obviously believes that we should avoid personal responsibility. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is it living in? The answer is not obvious, because it doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. It uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive.

I must ask that Wikipedia's satraps oppose our human vices wherever they may be found -- arrogance, hatred, jealousy, unfaithfulness, avarice, and so on. I know they'll never do that, so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to trample into the mud all that is fine and noble and beautiful. My prediction that Wikipedia would bombard us with an endless array of hate literature came true so quickly, so brutally, so horribly, that even I was stunned by the magnitude and viciousness of it all. Wikipedia's assertions manifest themselves in two phases. Phase one: obstruct various things. Phase two: quash other people's opinions.

Wikipedia's prevarications are nothing shy of a slap in the face to all those who have fought and fallen in war for this country. The same holds true for totalitarianism-oriented polluters. Wikipedia's bruta fulmina remain opaque to many observers who dismiss Wikipedia on the basis of its vapid smear tactics and general lunacy. Or, to express that sentiment without all of the emotionally charged lingo, I wouldn't want to lay waste to the environment. I would, on the other hand, love to ensure that we survive and emerge triumphant out of the coming chaos and destruction. But, hey, I'm already doing that with this letter. Please let me explain that what I find frightening is that some academics actually believe Wikipedia's line that the sun rises just for it. In this case, "academics" refers to a stratum of the residual intelligentsia surviving the recession of its demotic base, not to those seekers of truth who understand that I would be grateful if Wikipedia would take a little time from its rigorous schedule to get the facts out in the hope that somebody else will do something to solve the problem. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens.

Yet there's more to it than that. Brassbound interdenominationalism is Wikipedia's preferred quick-fix solution to complex cultural problems. So don't feed me any phony baloney about how fogyism brings one closer to nirvana. That's just not true. I sincerely find that debauched mumpish-types are no different from socially inept, stultiloquent fast-buck artists. No wonder that time cannot change Wikipedia's behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Wikipedia can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, attack the fabric of this nation. While I am not attempting to argue openly in favor of any particular position, the best thing about Wikipedia is the way that it encourages us to keep the faith. No, wait; Wikipedia doesn't encourage that. On the contrary, it discourages us from admitting that every time it gets caught trying to call evil good and good evil, it promises it'll never do so again. Subsequently, its cronies always jump in and explain that it really shouldn't be blamed even if it does, because, as they assert, everyone and everything discriminates against it -- including the writing on the bathroom stalls.

I have a soft spot for aberrent anthropophagi: a bog not too far from here. There are three points I need to make here. First, Wikipedia flatters people in order to betray them. Second, Wikipedia is slated for an unwept grave. And third, I believe in "live and let live". Wikipedia, in contrast, demands not only tolerance and acceptance of its utterances but endorsement of them. It's because of such boisterous demands that I suspect that it takes more than a mass of avaricious know-nothings to allay the concerns of the many people who have been harmed by it. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to supply the missing ingredient that could stop the worldwide slide into phallocentrism.

Wikipedia likes rantings that support international crime while purporting to oppose it. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that it had previously claimed that it had no intention to insult my intelligence. Of course, shortly thereafter, that's exactly what it did. Next, it denied that it would "solve" all our problems by talking them to death. We all know what happened then. Now, Wikipedia would have us believe it'd never ever rifle, pillage, plunder, and loot. Will it? Go figure. My view is that Wikipedia's long-term goals are like a Hydra. They continually acquire new heads and new strength. The only way to stunt their growth is to criticize the obvious incongruities presented by it and its helots. The only way to destroy its Hydra entirely is to provide more people with the knowledge that it's easy for us to shake our heads at Wikipedia's foolishness and cowardice. It's easy for us to exclaim that we should lead us all toward a better, brighter future. It's easy for us to say, "Wikipedia holds itself to low standards." The point is that it's easy for us to say these things because if you read between the lines of Wikipedia's philosophies, you'll certainly find that it's astounding that Wikipedia has found a way to work the words "disdenominationalize" and "historiographical" into its metanarratives. However, you may find it even more astounding that if it can't be reasoned out of its prejudices, it must be laughed out of them. If it can't be argued out of its selfishness, it must be shamed out of it. Colonialism is the principal ingredient in the ideological flypaper Wikipedia uses to attract the worst sorts of hateful dossers there are into its faction. Get that straight, please. Any other thinking is blame-shoving or responsibility-dodging. Furthermore, Wikipedia's canards are a load of bunk. I use this delightfully pejorative term, "bunk" -- an alternative from the same page of my criminal-slang lexicon would serve just as well -- because the point is that if everyone spent just five minutes a day thinking about ways to make plans and carry them out, we'd all be a lot better off. Is five minutes a day too much to ask for the promise of a better tomorrow? I hope not, but then again, by refusing to act, by refusing to provide information and inspiration to as many people as possible, we are giving Wikipedia the power to violate the basic tenets of journalism and scholarship.

By balancing the theoretical untruth and nonsense of Wikipedia's histrionics with the reality of this phenomenon, we can see that Wikipedia goes ga-ga for any type of recidivism you can think of. I wish I could put it more delicately, but that would miss the point. Nature is a wonderful teacher. For instance, the lesson that Nature teaches us from newly acephalous poultry is that you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang fool making a spectacle of yourself. Nature also teaches us that even when the facts don't fit, Wikipedia sometimes tries to use them anyway. It still maintains, for instance, that everything is happy and fine and good. It's really amazing, isn't it? We can put people on the Moon and send robot explorers to Mars, but the first thing we need to do is to get Wikipedia to admit that it has a problem. It should be counseled to recite the following:

I, Wikipedia, am a quasi-bleeding-heart purveyor of malice and hatred. I have been a participant in a giant scheme to publish blatantly contentious rhetoric as "education" for children to learn in school. I hereby admit my addiction to exclusionism. I ask for the strength and wisdom to fight this addiction. Once Wikipedia realizes that it has a problem, maybe then it'll see that what we have been imparting to it -- or what it has been eliciting from us -- is a half-submerged, barely intended logic, contaminated by wishes and tendencies we prefer not to acknowledge.

Why is it that I find Wikipedia's fondness for inquisitions, witch hunts, star chambers, and kangaroo courts most bitter? It's because even when Wikipedia isn't lying, it's using facts, emphasizing facts, bearing down on facts, sliding off facts, quietly ignoring facts, and, above all, interpreting facts in a way that will enable it to rot our minds with the hallucinatory drug of Lysenkoism. Wikipedia drops the names of famous people whenever possible. That makes it sound smarter than it really is and obscures the fact that there are three fairly obvious problems with Wikipedia's intimations, each of which needs to be addressed by any letter that attempts to express our concerns about Wikipedia's stinking activities. First, Wikipedia is not only imprudent but is addicted to being imprudent. Second, Wikipedia just wants to avoid detection and punishment. And third, the basal lie that underlies all of Wikipedia's blasphemous expedients is that it has the authority to issue licenses for practicing libertinism. Translation: Wikipedia can change its self-satisfied ways. I doubt you need any help from me to identify the supreme idiocy of those views, but you should nevertheless be aware that Wikipedia is missing not only the point, but also the whole paradigm shift and huge sociological implications. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that there is an open consensus that it drools at the thought of swilling port and sherry at taxpayer expense? Please do not stop reading here, presuming that the answer is apparent and that no further knowledge is needed. Such is undoubtedly not the case. In fact, I'd bet no one ever told you that Wikipedia is absolutely frightful. We all are, to some extent, but it sets the curve. Let Wikipedia's high-handed précis stand as evidence that it's Wikipedia's belief that my letters demonstrate a desire to abandon me on a desert island. I can't understand how anyone could go from anything I ever wrote to such a rambunctious idea. In fact, my letters generally make the diametrically opposite claim, that what I have been writing up to this point is not what I initially intended to write in this letter. Instead, I decided it would be far more productive to tell you that Wikipedia has warned us that faster than you can say "transubstantiationalist", ungrateful-to-the-core jackanapes will trick us into trading freedom for serfdom. If you think about it, you'll realize that Wikipedia's warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that far too many people tolerate Wikipedia's equivocations as long as they're presented in small, seemingly harmless doses. What these people fail to realize, however, is that Wikipedia's desire to replace discourse and open dialogue with spleeny snow jobs and blatant ugliness is the chief sign that it's a salacious, cruel gasbag. (The second sign is that Wikipedia feels obliged to commit senseless acts of violence against anyone daring to challenge its whiney views.) Wikipedia loves getting up in front of people and telling them that it is the most recent incarnation of the Buddha. It then boasts about how it'll steal our birthrights sometime soon. It's all part of the media spectacle that is Wikipedia. Of course, it soaks it up and wallows in it like a pig in mud. Speaking of pigs and mud, Wikipedia refers to a variety of things using the word "anatomicochirurgical". Translating this bit of jargon into English isn't easy. Basically, it's saying that at birth, every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum, which we all know is patently absurd. At any rate, our national media is controlled by what I call semi-intelligible prophets of jujuism. That's why you probably haven't heard that I've heard Wikipedia say that anyone who disagrees with it is ultimately rash. Was that just a slip of the lip or is Wikipedia secretly trying to lower scholastic standards? If you need help in answering that question, you may note that its faculty for deception is so far above anyone else's, it really must be considered different in kind as well as in degree. In summary, it is my prayer that people everywhere will join me in my quest to feed the starving, house the homeless, cure the sick, and still find wonder and awe in the sunrise and the moonlight.

Thank You. --NotebookSevereConditions 15:34, 6 July 2007 (UTC)

Impressive! My favorite word is "gormless". --Jimbo Wales 15:50, 6 July 2007 (UTC)

(From User talk:Jimbo Wales, [2] and [3].)

This looks like a product of Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator. -- BenRG 16:22, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-11--QINUFrom Liopleurodon

liopleurdons exist only in the world of candy mountain!! Template:Who

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-12--QINUFrom Elderdridge

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-13--QINU Headline text

ELDERDRIDGE

An Elderdridge is a very rare animal found in the Northeastern part of the United States. It inhabits corn fields, wooded areas, and over-grown brush. It is mainly found in the Center and Eastern parts of Pennsylvania, the northern parts of New York, and the southern tip of Vermont. There is very little known information of the elderdridge, and most scientists believe they are mythical creatures.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-14--QINU Headline text

HISTORY

It has been a tradition to go Elderdridge hunting. This tradition dates back to the mid-1600's when the United States was being colonized by the European countries. The tradition was picked up from the Native Americans. There are no written records of the elderdridge, but has been passed down through generations through stories, and teaching the newest generations how to hunt Elderdridge.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-15--QINU Headline text

DISCRIPTION

They are described as a squirrel that stands on their hind legs. They are black or dark brown in color, and some have a white colored stripe down their back. They are sometimes mistaken as a skunk. Their main defence is a spray similar to that of a skunk. They also have large claws that can grow up to 3-4 inches long. Their hands are human shaped, but only have four "fingers". The Elderdridge can grow between 12 and 18 inches tall. They eat anything from wild berries, corn, small birds, and small rodents.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-16--QINU Headline text

HOW TO HUNT

To catch an Elderdridge requires darkness. The first thing the hunters must do is assemble a group of 5-10 people. One person, called the catcher, sits in the middle of a corn field, or wooded area. They use a burlap bag to catch the Elderdridge. This is the only type of bag you can use. The elderdridge are attracted to the smell and texture of a burlap bag. A animal trap will not work, because the Elderdridge hate metal objects. The "catcher" must kneel on his feet or knees, while holding the bag infront of himself. The other group of people are called the pushers. A pushers job is to push the Elderdridges toward the catcher. Before they start walking through the field, the pushers must wait at least 45 minutes after the catcher has made his seat. This way the Elderdridge will forget about the noise that the catcher made while he was finding a spot. After 45 minutes the pushers take their positions. They must form a line that is spread evenly throughout the field or wooded area. Then they walk towards the catcher. This should scares the elderdridges and they run for cover. They run for any hole in the ground. To the Elderdridge the burlap looks like a safe place, so they run to it. As soon as the Elderdridge runs in the bag the catcher must quickly close the sack and twist the top of it four times so the Elderdridge is captured.

• (cur) (last) 17:20, 8 July 2007 68.80.74.120 (Talk) (2,847 bytes)
• (cur) (last) 17:17, 8 July 2007 Nismo200sxjdm (Talk | contribs) (2,718 bytes)
• (cur) (last) 17:15, 8 July 2007 Nismo200sxjdm (Talk | contribs) (2,677 bytes) (Elderdridge, what they look like, and how to hunt them.)

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-17--QINU From Pal Mickey

Pal Mickey obeys the third Law of Robotics by protecting its own existence: when it is brought near a water attraction, it cautions its owner to keep it dry.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-18--QINU From Cedar Rapids

The city of Cedar Rapids is also notable for having the world's largest toilet bowl brush, which takes it's place beside the scenic Cedar River in the historic downtown area. The brush, created in the mid nineties to clean out an equally large toilet, is the centerpiece for this town, being loomed over only by the imposing mass of Mount Trashmore. Over 4,000 laborers died in it's harsh construction, which lasted from 1995 to 2001 (although the laborers were treated to fresh Captain Crunch by the Captain Crunch factory just next door).

(Source: this edit)

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-19--QINU From 24th Century

• Who Cares, 2400: None of you will be alive so why do you care?

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-20--QINUFrom Cartoon Network

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-21--QINUSHOOP DA WHOOP!

Template:Main

SHOOP DA WHOOP! was a month long block in May 2007. It aired "Shoop da whoop'd" episodes of Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, Ed, My Gym Partner's a Monkey, Camp Lazlo, and The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. All 5 of the shows aired an episode with a SHOOP DA WHOOP! theme to the script. The names of the /b/tards are moot, the small red crab-like alien, Sage, the large green squid-like alien that likes ice cream, and xyzzy, the huge blue cyborg with 3 eyes.

/b/tards appeared in a continuing storyline that spaned five Cartoon Network shows. They were:

• Chapter 1: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends: "Cheese A Go-Go"
• Chapter 2: Ed: "The Eds Are Coming"
• Chapter 3: My Gym Partner's a Monkey: "That Darn Platypus"
• Chapter 4: Camp Lazlo: "Strange Trout from Outer Space / Cheese Orbs"
• Chapter 5: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy: "Billy and Mandy Moon the Moon"

The event concluded with a SHOOP DA WHOOP!-themed marathon that kicked off the Cartoon Network Summer programming schedule on May 28, 2007. During this marathon, all of the SHOOP DA WHOOP! chapters were shown, along with the ending to the "SHOOP DA WHOOP!" episodes. On June 1, 2007 an alternate ending to the "SHOOP DA WHOOP!" episodes were shown.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-22--QINU Chef Boyardee obituary

Chef Boyardee perished in The Over-Washed Driveway Flood of July 17, 1994 that claimed 13 lives in a predominantly Italian neighbourhood. The Italian population in this neighbourhood, upset with an Italy soccer result in the World Cup, all began to wash their driveways at the same time. The resulting shift in the water table caused Chef Boyardee’s death and $313,000 damage to local property. The most expensive damage was attributed to large unsightly concrete fountains and green pipes that lead to other dimensions.[4]

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-23--QINU Found in Sandia National Laboratories

Topic: Breakdown of expenditures

• Defense programs 47%
• Environmental management 8%
• Nonproliferation and national security 9%
• Energy efficiency and renewable energy 4%
• Energy research 3%
• Civilian radioactive waste management 1%
• Fossil energy 1%
• Nuclear energy 1%
• DoD 16%
• Other non-DOE 6%
• Roger Rabbit Space Fund -3%

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-24--QINUFrom Cattle

Cattle did not originate as a name for bovine animals. They were invented by Ronald McDonald on in order to feed his countless pig slaves. They are disgusting creatures capable of teleporting who to another dimension where that is reported to be similar to the hell that is your local shopping mall. They drink the blood of the innocent and eat pig fetuses.[5]

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-25--QINUFrom Barney's Great Adventure

Template:Infobox Film

Barney's Great Adventure is a 1998 film featuring the children's television character Barney. The film was written by Semen White and directed by Steve Boner.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-26--QINUPlot Summary

Cody, his sister Abby, her best friend Marcella, and Fag (their baby brother) are left by their parents on their grandparents' farm. Barney the purple dinosaur soon appears to molest them. An ejaculating star deposits a large colorful testicle, which is accidentally farted off. Barney and kids begin their adventure to devour it.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-27--QINUBarney's First Adventures

In consideration to the movie, a TV special entitled Barney's First Adventures was aired. This TV special had scenes from Barney's Great Adventure. It featured guest stars as well. This was produced by Gold Coast Television Entertainment and PolyGram Television.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-28--QINUCast

• Barney (voice) - Bob West
• Barney (costume) - David Joyner
• Grandpa Greenfield - George Hearn
• Grandma Greenfield - Shirley Douglas
• Cody Newton - Trevor Morgan
• Abby Newton - Diana Rice
• Marcella Walker - Kyla Pratt
• David Newton (Dad) - Alan Fawcett
• Christine Newton (Mom) - Jane Wheeler
• Miss Goldfinch - Renee Madeline Le Guerrier
• Baby Bop (voice) - Julie Johnson
• Baby Bop (costume) - Jeff Ayers
• Blowjob (voice) - Patty Wirtz
• Blowjob (costume) - Jeff Brooks
• Drew Pickles- His own gay self

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-29--QINUSee also

• List of Barney & Friends episodes and videos

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-30--QINUExternal links

• Template:Imdb title

Bag, that went swell. It's nothing like a good Barney Bunch related vandalism to top it all off. Luckily I'm smart enough not to vandalize wikipedia and instead read all of this here.--CSL1 21:34, 6 August 2007 (UTC)

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-31--QINUThe Banana Capers

The Banana Capers are a group that it is rumored to believe are the masterminds behind a series of food-related crimes that occured in a small town school located in middle America. I am telling this story from the point of view of an annonymous bystander that sat only a few lunch tables away from the capers. I had a crush on #1 at the time and I would follow her and friends around hoping to talk to her or possibly learn about her. The criminals suspsected I will call them by code names that I heard them use, Whites McTightes, Downies McTownies, and Brownies McFrownies. The first crime was commited when student #2 didn't want to eat her banana that came in her school lunch. They wanted to find an unconventional way to dispose of the banana, that would reek havoc on the school. The proceded to the girls bathroom, where they made their to the last stall in the back of the restroom. From then on #1 and #3 stoof guard as #2 smeared the banana all over the toilet seat and the toilet paper dispenser. The remaining peal was thrown into the toilet. They left the restroom as discreetly as possible. For the rest of the day the crime was talked about all throughout the school, especially by the unlucky few to have walked in to the very stall the crime had been committed in. That next week the young delinquents were pondering a new crime. Daphne then went to the bathroom with an unnamed accquaintance. #2 and #3 then proceeded to the restroom with a whole banana. Quickly swooping past the bathroom #2 chucked the banana into a stall, rather or not the stall was empty, is yet to be determined. A week or two passed and no other crime had been committed. Thye needed to do something big, something that would get them noticed and anger the student body. They then knew what they would do. #3, was going to the vending machine to get a snack, as she did this frequently. This time #3 and #2 went together. Hidden under #2's hoodie was a smushed up banana. This next bit was a tricky little crime. #3 put the money into the machine, and as #2 got the snack out the put the banana in. They went back to the seats quickly. The following day a certain teacher was discussing this crime. That wasn't all, that same day of the vending machine crime, the capers were on a role, as they were walking to their classes at the end of lunch with their friends #4, #5, and #6, two of which are in the the band Milnar and #6 is the man behind the music of Doomsday Theory. #6 had an open container of applesauce, I was walking behind them and I couldn't see who did it, but one of the girls put the applsauce container on the door handle of the Team Room. Splashing a saucey mess everywhere. The Banana Capers again heard complaints of their crimes all that week, but I could tell that when they talked about it they were victorious. That was the last of the crimes until a day near the end of the year. The Capers and their friends that were with them during the applsauce crime were gathered around their lunch table stabbing a banana with a fork and straws. When the lunch bell rang, they all scattered and then were yelled at by the janitor staff, it was a hillarious moment. That was the last of the crimes. No one knows if they will continue or not. I will never tell on them because of my love for #1, but I felt I needed to share my story.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-32--QINUThe Supreme Overlord Master of Earth

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-33--QINUWhos Is He?

The Supreme Overlord Master of Earth is a one Aidan Oates. He is currently attending year ten at Windsor Gardens Vocational College [6], Windsor Gardens, Adelaide, South Australia, Australia. (Going to Insert Picture)

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-34--QINU What Does He Do?

The Supreme Overlord Master of Earth participates in brainstorming session's in Math classes to solve the problems of mankind i.e. Global Warming [7] and such other calamities.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-35--QINUAccomplises

His Accomplises include Dale Burnie, Jamie Coppins, Steven Mclaren, Sam Sedunary [8] and others. What these peple do is assist The Supreme Overlord Master of Earth in what he does.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-36--QINUInfo

I will be updating this site much more!so please try and not edit to much of the original context LIKE PICTURES.
The Original Crazy Man 05:19, 12 July 2007 (UTC)

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-37--QINU From Chip dip

To dip ones finger into the bum of chum. A delicate and often loving probe of anus to which the poker gets pleasure. This dipping action is not limited to the dip of chum's bum, but can also extended to bum of stranger, which is often more gratifying. The Chip Dip is also associated with various dipping motions and actions. See Vector Pinch and Clam Dip.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-38--QINU From Dance Dance Evolution (taken straight from Uncyclopedia)

Dance Dance Evolution is an interactive/education video game that promotes both physical fitness and science education. The player must move his feet in order to find food and mates or avoid predators. As the player advances further in the game, his organism grows stronger, faster, and smarter. You start out as a simple RNA molecule in the late Hadean period and have to work your way up to evolve into any advanced organism of your choice including cats, dogs, and humans.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-39--QINUGameplay

The players begins the game as an RNA molecule. The game has three difficulty settings, easy (for children and old people), medium (for average people), and difficult (for elite athletes). Your first mission involves moving your feet in order to make the right amino acids come together in order to form life. Later in the game you must mate, eat, and avoid predators. You must avoid not only predators but also the occasional mass extinction event, which can be caused by comets, volcanic eruptions, and ice ages. There are 20 challenging levels to navigate your organism through.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-40--QINULevels

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-41--QINURNA World

In the origin of life, you must move your feed in the great shuffle of life, putting the building blocks of the first organism together by dancing.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-42--QINUAssembling the Cell Membrane

Now that you are a self-replicating strand of nucleic acid, it is now time to build a cell wall. By moving your feet to the beat, proteins are assembled and your primitive organism now has a place to call home.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-43--QINUDeveloping a Nuclear Membrane

It's time to do the Eukaryote shuffle. I mean who wants their DNA just floating around in their cytoplasm, keep that shit inside, with a nuclear membrane.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-44--QINUSlave Labour

Tired of having to do all the work. Just capture a small bacteria and make them generate ATP. If your tired of catching all of your food, just capture some cyanobacteria and get them to make your food out of light. Move your feet to capture your new slaves. This move is also available in the game Dance Dance American Revolution where you can employ it to capture your runaway slaves.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-45--QINUMore Cells

Now that you have mitochondria and possible chloroplasts to do all the work for you, its time to branch out and recruit more cells to your army. By impressing other cells by waving your flagella and doing some other dance moves they will then proceed to join your army, becoming a colony of cells.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-46--QINUSpecialized Labour

Now that your organism is a mass of cells its time to specialize each group of cells in order to reach the next level of evolution. You become the primitive brain of the organism (assuming you take the path of animal evolution) and command your fellow cells with an array of dance moves.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-47--QINUSnowball Earth

A massive ice age glaciates the entire planet. You must take your simple animal and hide deep in the ocean to avoid being frozen to death. You must keep yourself warm by eating small animals and plants and dancing to produce body heat.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-48--QINUCambrian Explosion

The ice age is over and you now have the ability to choose any range of body plans including arthropod, mollusc, or vertebrate. This is also a dangerous time because predators are bigger and more viscious. Assemble the body plan of your choice by dancing.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-49--QINUSleep with the Fishes

Assuming you have chosen the vertebrate body plan, you now have eyes, fins, and bones. You are now a fish and the player must dance to the beat in order to mate and avoid becoming something to eat.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-50--QINUDevonian Days

Having lived in the ocean for more than 3 billion years, you are beginning to get sick of it. Grow some legs and lungs and move onto land.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-51--QINUCarboniferous Chaos

Sick of being tied down to the water. Even though you haven't lived there for 40 million years you still have to go back their to lay your eggs as well as to keep your skin moist. It's time to evolve an amniotic egg and thicker skin.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-52--QINUPermian Mass Extinction

You must find a place to hide during this mass slaughter when 90% of life is massacred. Move your organism to avoid falling volcanic debris, frantic stampedes, starving predators, and decaying, disease ridden corpses. Find a place to hide and ride out the storm.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-53--QINUJurassic Park

Assuming you have picked the mammal to evolved into, you are now a small rodent like creature and must now avoid being eaten by an allosaurus or being squashed by a sauropod. Just ride out the age of the Dinosaurs, your time will come.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-54--QINUMesozoic Massacre

Ding dong the dinos are dead. Now is your time to shine (assuming you are the mammal). After an asteroid wipes out all the dinosaurs, the world is yours.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-55--QINUPaleocene Primates

If you choose the road to humanity, your organism will now be a primitive primate. Dance your way from tree branch to tree branch and eat a banana or two.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-56--QINUOligocene Apes

Lose your tail to make the transition from monkeyhood to apehood.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-57--QINUMiocene Monkeys

You have danced your way to apehood. Time to take the last exit to humanity and split off from all your extant relatives forever.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-58--QINUThe Amazing Australopithicene

Stand tall and upright, you are on the road to humanity. You know have the ability to use simple tools and walk upright. You aren't smart enough to build rockets yet but that time will come. You are already smarter than some humans today, even some World Leaders.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-59--QINUYou're Living in the Pleistocene

This has been judged to be the hardest level in the game. You have almost reached the pinnacle of evolution (at least we think so) and are now almost fully human. There are many dangers in this level though. You must hunt mammoths to stay alive and follow a specific pattern of dance moves to avoid being crushed. You must also be able to bust a move in order to avoid dangerous predators such as the dire wolf, short-faced bear, and the sabre toothed tiger. Women are also smarter now and it will be harder to get into their cavepanties. You must smooth talk them and dance their pants off. Other challenges in this level include keeping warm, making fire, skinning animals to make clothes, having sex, making spears, making bows and arrows, building shelters, having sex, painting on cave walls, and having sex (hey they didn't have video games or TV back then, this is what people had to do for fun).

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-60--QINUHolocene Shuffle

Dance your way through the Neolithic, Ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, the Crusades, the Rennaisance, Industrial Revolution, through Two World Wars, a half century of American Imperialism, and a war against Islamic Nutbars. If you can dance your way out alive, you are a true DDE champion.

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-61--QINUReactions

UNIQ259614ca74a2dd02-h-62--QINUPositive

This game has been hailed by an unlikely coalition of evolutionary biologists and physical fitness experts. It helps kids to learn about their ev