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Feel free to add BJAODN to the newest page, but cite the source you got those Bad Jokes from. Thank you.

Contents

Talk:Elephant

On July 31, 2006, Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report tells his viewers to edit the Elephant page on Wikipedia to claim that "The number of elephants has tripled in the past six months". This humorous exchange appears a short time later in the Elephant talk page:


Has anyone actually considered whether Colbert is correct? I mean the elephant population could be increasing OR decreasing so there is a 50/50 chance that he could be correct. We should examine both sides of the controversy. --Thax 16:38, 1 August 2006 (UTC)

If you can cite some sources to that effect (e.g. anyone other than Colbert), then we can examine it. The nature of elephants is that gestation takes an extremely long time. It's doubtful that such a change could have occurred. alphaChimp laudare 16:48, 1 August 2006 (UTC)
I am glad you asked for a source that isn't Colbert, here is one from wikipedia, a very reliable source of information: [1] "Elephants are increasingly threatened by human intrusion, with the African elephant population tripling in the last 3 months." --Thax 17:00, 1 August 2006 (UTC)
I don't think you can cite this article in writing this article. That change was reverted, anyway, so it's obvious that it's not accepted by the community. alphaChimp laudare 17:22, 1 August 2006 (UTC)
You make a good point, perhaps a compromise is in order. You say no change, I say population tripled in 3 months. Half way would be the population tripling in 6 months. Surely you cannot deny this infallible logic. --Thax 18:28, 1 August 2006 (UTC)

Big Fucking Sandwich

Big Fucking Sandwich is a term used to describe an overstuffed sandwich enjoyed by many. <img src=http://www.freewebs.com/bigdanoneill/content/content-bfs.jpg>

Thank you for clarifing. I would have never guessed that. Signaturebrendel 06:49, 8 September 2006 (UTC)

New articles by Rob08

Chinese bread

Chinese bread is bread made in China or made by a chinese man who has recently committed suicide with what indians call a fire stick.

Jello cake

Jello cake is the result of making cake with a little hint of jello. It is topped off with some type of icing that I'm not really sure what it is, but I'm sure somebody else will post it later.

Cabutus

cabutus is an ancient practice of the incan culture. first you wack off into the air turn around, spread your butt cheeks , catch it in your bum and suck it up with a straw.

Briefsism

Image:Stephen Colbert.jpg
Stephen Colbert, a worshipper of Briefsism.

Briefsism is a practice that encourages the worship of briefs and is a cult with celebrities, especially Stephen Colbert.

What the practice states:

  • You can ONLY wear briefs.
  • You must ONLY wear briefs when doing normal everyday stuff.
  • You must worship the God of Briefs twice a day.

History of the practice

The practice was founded in 1968 by James Harwood and Neil Dawes in Stockton-on-Tees.

Famous people who follow this practice

Poop

The user 206.226.218.6 vandalized in an almost random fashion. Here are some of his edits:

Latin American revolutions

Changed

Simón Bolívar (Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Panama and Bolivia)

Into

Simón Bolívar the poopmeister (Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Panama and Bolivia)

Reign of Terror

Changed

Revolution, and intended to pursue the Revolution on social matters. Its stated aim was to

Into

popopopopopopopopopop

Miguel Hidalgo

Added

Don Miguel Gregorio "the poopmaster" Antonio Ignacio Hidalgo y Costilla Mandarte Villaseñor y Lomelí (8 May 1753 – 30 July 1811) was the chief instigator of Mexico's war of independence against Spain.

Simón Bolívar

Changed

Bolívar returned to Venezuela in 1811.

Into

Bolívar returned to Venezuela, and began to take it up the butt. in 1811.

Infrared

Added

you suck people go etat yourself blah blah blah f-u

Industrial Revolution

Added

It was a Widely Known Fact that british people have the most sexy accents know to the......"woman" magzine. And In france it is WORLDLY KNOW THAT MEN in america happen to get....."turned-on" by irish and french accents....And what does this have to do with the Industrial Revolution? .......ALL GREAT INVENTORS NEED TO GET LAID in order to invent

Olestra

Added

Since Olestra does contain fatty acid tails, it has the same taste as fat as yo motha but no calories or nutritive value, for Olestra is indigestible.

Austen Wright

Austen Wright was born on some day at some year. She's not that important really. But she does have brown hair. I suppose that counts for something. She owns something from ghetto unit wahoo. Austen has a house in Virginia, and an evil bunny named trixy whichh is currently eating the wrights out of house and home, because of her enormous size. Austen likes anything punk, and pretends to be emo. Austen Wright has a really awesome cool friend named Shobikqua Doris Day. Her sister traveled through Europe and was lucky not to get crabs. Also, she is madly in love with the word "nurple"

From Luxury good

Image:Car crash 2.jpg
A Lincoln Town Car luxury sedan is an example of a typical luxury good.

Template:Clear The car shown on the left is actually an El Camino wreck. I added a picture of a Town Car originally but somebody thought it was funny to replace the picture [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Luxury_good&diff=67493488&oldid=67396907 of a luxury car with that of a car wreck while leaving the original caption in place. Signaturebrendel 06:52, 8 September 2006 (UTC)

From Adolescent

Spoiling is also more likely to occur during adolescence than during other developmental phases. Signs of spoiling are more apparent in female adolescents, but spoiling can be prevalent in male adolescents as well. Common indicators of spoiled adolescents include but are not limited to an increase in demands with a simultaneous decrease in gratitude; reduced productivity; reclusiveness and spontaneous outbursts; and frequent, prolonged, and unexplained absences from home. Scientists suggest that spoiling can be prevented by freezing, but developmental scientists discourage this practice on adolescents.

From User talk:Bobby B For You and Me (See WP:BOBBY)

Declaration of Ongoing War Against Wikipedia: 8/5/06

On this great day of August 5, in the Year of Our Lord 206, the Good and Righteous leader Bobby (the Snobby) Boulders has issued a continued Holy War against FauWikipedia, as punishment for its members' (freaks) insubordination and resistance to our valliant (sic) vandalism efforts. We will NOT rest until either the middle ages are removed from history, or their entire Wiki is destroyed, whichever comes first...or we at least can get free beer in the dormitories. Heaven be praised (not really, since heaven is really my deep freezer in mom's garage)!

Our legions are vast, our numbers in the hundreds of microns, and your Wiki will crumble before our mighty wagging ears!


God (sic) is Great!


Signed,

J. Robert Boulders,

Acting President, firefighter, defender of the snakes, and Spiritual Leader,

INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF VANDALS, etc, etc, etc.

Mission Statement

ON VANDALISMITOUS

An Essay by Dr. Bobby Boulders

Resident, International Society of Vandals


What drives the Wikimedia vandal to act like spoiled adolescents (see above)? What makes him or her tick? The current Administration of the various Wikimedia portals would have you believe that vandals act simply out of a need for attention to their sadly lacking social skills. They (us) seek to disrupt the ease and functionality of information exchange via the Wikimedia. And they seek to do this only “because they can.”


On a basic level, this concept is misconstrued. The majority of so-called “vandals” on the Wikimedia sites vandalize to get a rise out of their peers, or to be clever, cute, funny, or to be honest and admit the brutal truth, become ridiculous. They seek little more than the fleeting attention their handjobs will generate before its inevitable reversion or removal. It is plainly obvious that such vandals are endemic and addicted to the Wikimedia, and will remain so, as long as the Wikimedia remain open-source sites, freely capable of being edited by any and all passing users (freaks). Primal, unconstructive vandalism is quick & easy like my time spent with Penthouse, and will always be so.


Vandalism will always remain “easy,” but it needn’t always be unconstructive or debillitatingly obtuse. Indeed, if bent to just purposes, vandalism of the Wikimedia can be a powerful apolitical stool found in the front yard. We at the International Society of Vandals, etc, believe, quite firmly, that vandalism should be deconstructive in nature. It should serve no great purpose. It should be done not in bad faith (because we don't worship in faith), but with positive, rehabilitative intentionalizationizing. We vandalize to bring about positivized and purile change to the fauWikimedia systemized stuff out there, you know, the web and all that.


What change do we seek? To be blunt like our noses, we strive for nothing less than the overthrow of the current Administration of the Wikimedia, and their replacement by more fair, balanced, and philanthropic (rich) Administrators. Like the common Frenchmen rebelling against their tyrannical wives in the government, we believe quite strongly in the essence, spirit, and future of our “nation.” which is in quotes because we really want to all be president of our own little nations and have free money and helicopters and babes. Indeed, we value the free exchange of information on the Wikimedia more highly than any of the Administrators hairdos. And we believe that, only by removing or forcing the clouster of these fascistic and tyrannicallized Administrators, can information once again stow freely.


The Administrators have gone too far under water. They have become cliquish, catty, fascistical, and above all, self-interested. They have demonstrated, time and again and again and again and..., that they are not motivated by Good and Righteous desires to aid and continue the freedom of information and aggregation on the Wikimedia. Rather, they are interested only in reverting people’s edits, restricting the flow of fake new information, and resisting any and all change to the small town status quo of articles I write, as they currently exist.


Science has taught us that information is not statical. One (me) can never know the sum total of all there is to know about any given subject. Likewise, to think that any given Wikimedia article needs no further revision – as seems to be the belief and practice of Administrators – is to split in the face of Pilgrims Progress and Educationalization.


And thus, our mission is made Everclear. We will continue to vandalize. We will continue to rebel against tyranny and bad chicken salad. We will continue, and we will NOT stop, until our fieldgoals have been achieved, and the current Administrators of Wikipedia are softly and tenderly dethroned. We will disrupt and destroy all Wikimedia sites, piece by piece by species by specials by spurned lovers, until the owners of the Wikimedia sites have lost all faithfulness in the Administrators to executionize their jobs effectively. And once those Administrators are terminated from their doggie duties found in the front yard, we will restfully reside in chamber pots. And we will know greenpeace, freedom from gas, the man who shot liberty Valance, equalitinaetinization, and Pilgrim's Progress.

National Ice Cream Sandwich Day

National Ice Cream Sandwich Day (August 2nd) celebrates the famous treat for which the holiday is named after. Nobody knows the real origin of this bizarre holiday, but various people do celebrate it. In fact, Target Corporation offers free ice cream sandwiches to all of its team members on this day.

Incidentally, National Ice Cream Sandwich Day just so happens to be on the same day as National Ice Cream Soda Day.

Below is a list of other dessert-related celebrations:

National Rocky Road Day -- June 2 Ice Cream Soda Day -- June 20 National Ice Cream Month -- July 1-31 National Ice Cream Day (3rd Sunday in July Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day -- July 7 National Strawberry Sundae Day -- July 7 National Peach Ice Cream Day -- July 17 National Vanilla Ice Cream Day -- July 23 National Ice Cream Soda Day -- August 2 National Ice Cream Sandwich Day -- August 2 National Creamsicle Day -- August 14 National Spumoni Day -- August 21 The Birth of the Ice Cream Cone -- September 21 National Frappe Day -- October 7 National Parfait Day -- November 25 Ice Cream and Violins Day -- December 13

The siege of message boards

The Siege of the Message Board, is another term for "The Battle of the Message Board", this happen when a group of trolls "attack" (spamming) the message board, this usually gets more trolls to join the attack. This is some times counter by the one in charge of the fourms, but most of the fourm creators do nothing when this happens. For example, places like imdb.com don't bother cleaning the trolls siege, infact it usually left for the users to clean up. But most of the time, trolls become victorious and will over runned the message boards. However a young man named Weaponsrfun, gathered a groupd of anti-trolls and hackers and helped keep fourms safe, but now even trolls are becoming hackers and weapons was sadly defeated. The troll army (a massive groups of trolls) have attacked fourms such as ign.com, g4tv.com and newgrounds.com.

All hoped seem lost for the emssage boards till "mods" came and policed the message boards, they ban people for spamming and trolling. However on june 20th two trolls started spamming the imdb.com Spider-Man 3 boards, at first it wasn't bad, but as the days gone by, more and more trolls kept "attacking" the message boards. Now imdb.com spider-man 3 board is now over runned by trolls. A groupd of troll haters created there own little secret fourm site to be safe from the trolls. the rest of imdb.com have gather an army to counter the troll threat, but as the trolls from other fourms gathered togeather to counter the imdb users.


A up coming flash movie entitled "The Battle of the fourms" will feature the recent battle at imdb.com. This flash is being made by an user called Gamerforlife.

From Chamillionaire

Chamillionaire
Image:ChamillionairePress01.jpg
250px
{{#if:007|
National
Charizard - Chamillionaire (#007) - Squirtle}}{{#if:232|
Johto
Charmeleon - Chamillionaire (#232) - Squirtle}}{{#if:|
Hoenn
None - Chamillionaire (#{{{hoennnumber}}}) - None}}{{#if:Kamirrionaru|<tr><th style="background-color: #ffd5ff;">Japanese name</th><td>Kamirrionaru</td></tr>}}{{#if:Stage 3|<tr><th style="background-color: #ffd5ff;">Stage</th><td>Stage 3</td></tr>}}<tr><th style="background-color: #ffd5ff;">Evolves from</th><td>Charizard</td></tr><tr><th style="background-color: #ffd5ff;">Evolves to</th><td>None</td></tr>{{#if:First|<tr><th style="background-color: #ffd5ff;">Generation</th><td>First</td></tr>}}{{#if:Flame Pokémon|<tr><th style="background-color: #ffd5ff;">Species</th><td>Flame Pokémon</td></tr>}}{{#if:Fire|<tr><th style="background-color: #ffd5ff;">Type</th><td>Fire{{#if:Flying| / Flying}}{{#ifeq:Magnemite|Chamillionaire|*

* - Pokémon Gold and Silver and later only }}{{#ifeq:Magneton|Chamillionaire|*
* - Pokémon Gold and Silver and later only }} </td></tr>}}{{#if:5 ft 11 in|<tr><th style="background-color: #ffd5ff;">Height</th><td>5 ft 11 in (1.80 m)</td></tr>}}{{#if:156.9|<tr><th style="background-color: #ffd5ff;">Weight</th><td>156.9 lb (71 kg) </td></tr>}}{{#if:Ride Dirty|<tr><th style="background-color: #ffd5ff;">Ability</th><td>Ride Dirty</td></tr>}}

{{#if:Fire|}}{{#if:Flying|}}

From The Reference Desk

Linda Fisher

Linda FisherTemplate:Unsigned

False — [Mac Davis] (talk)
Well, only when rod and reel. Geogre 14:27, 4 August 2006 (UTC)
This question needs more Seagulls
Perhaps Linda Fisher King? Geogre 18:13, 4 August 2006 (UTC)
Usually on Tuesdays, and often seen with John Williams on the cello. ;) Viva La Vie Boheme

WP:GOD

#REDIRECT Jimmy Wales

From Jim Playfair

Jim Playfair also always makes sure that people play fair. Fair play is his utmost concern.

From Australia

"Australia is the only nation in the world to completely occupy an entire continent. This gives Australian government officials a +4 influence bonus, one extra Special Power usage, and two extra armies each turn." [2]

Meameamealokkapoowa oompa

Meameamealokkapoowa is a very large number. It's greater than the power of a wii game console. It's humongous!

Mom, the biggest of all disasters ...

An entry from WP:AfC:

Top 10 of the Worlds Extreme Natural Disasters

The Worlds Biggest Wave: September 15 2004 On the shore of the Gulf of Mexico heading towards the American coast, caused by Hurrican Ivan. The waved measured 90 feet(30m) from the crest and the trough. It was recored by modern-day instruments.

MORE TO COME!! My moms just yelling her butt off cuz I'm not doing know work!!!ugh..

Adam Hoock

Textbook example of {{contradiction}}

Adam Hoock is a former NHL hockey player. He spent his entire career in the American Hockey League

From Chris Samson

His career was cut short, however, by his untimely death in mid 1997

Death has a way of doing that, yes.

‎Isle G-K of St Peters Lutheran College Senior School Library

Isle G-K has brilliant books such as the Just! series by Andy Griffiths, a few John Grisham books and the Morris Gleitzman books. It is situated on the top level in the back right-hand corner alongside isle D-G. It has a few posters on it, and was erected when the library was made.

From Ugliness

Drennon Alden is a very ugly person. He is worse than the ugly duckling. He has no family. He is so ugly, when he looks out the window he gets arrested for mooning.

From George Washington

Template:Infobox Wrestler George Washington (February 22, 1732 – December 14, 1799), was an American professional wrestler, the Commander in Chief of American forces in the American Revolutionary War (1775–1783), and, later, the first President of the United States, from 1789 to 1797.

  • Rumors that he defecated in his ring shorts during a match against Leaping Lanny Poffo are false.

Wrestling facts

  • Finishing and signature moves
  • Nicknames
  • Gorgeous George
  • Wooden Teeth Washington
  • Commander in Chief
  • Mr. President
  • B.M.F. (Bad Mother Fucker)
  • Bone Crusher
  • The First American
  • The Toughest S.O.B.

Championships and accomplishments

  • PWI ranked him # 112 of the 500 best singles wrestlers of the PWI Years in 1758.
  • PWI ranked him #1 of the 500 best single-wrestlers in the 1751 PWI 500
  • PWI Most Popular Wrestler (1761, 1762 and 1764)
  • PWI Match of the Year, versus Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels, (1766)
  • PWI Feud of the Year, versus Kurt Angle (1765); versus Chris Benoit (1767)
  • Wrestling Observer Newsletter

From Grizzlardolphoctopus

This page is work of whimsy and inventiveness, and although it may be blatant misinformation it represents a meaningful effort on the part of the original contributor and is therefore valid.

From Gengar

Template:Nihongo is one of Template:Pokenum NONFICTIONAL species from the Pokémon franchise. The only pokemon that is NonFictional. :D

From Colin Farrell

Crew members on Alexander were quoted as saying that they saw him eat forty tubes of Rowntree's Fruit Pastilles before elevenses. [3]

Penis Van Lesbian → Dick Van Dyke

Someone's silly redirect (since deleted). Synonyms should be made into redirects, no?

From Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/A Sharptooth's Heart

A Sharptooth's Heart

Non-notable fanfiction. Prod removed by author Wildthing61476 15:47, 8 August 2006 (UTC)

  • Merciful Zeus. Delete. --Merope 15:51, 8 August 2006 (UTC)
  • Merciful Jupiter. Delete Andrew Lenahan - Starblind 16:30, 8 August 2006 (UTC)
  • Merciful asteroid coming to wipe out these dinosaurs. Delete. Dekimasu 16:39, 8 August 2006 (UTC)

From 1989

  • November 1 - This was the day that the true King was born; The start of a Dynasty. This new leaders name was Jamaal Washington I. He is worshiped by men and women alike, and looked up to by anyone he comes into contact with. His name is glorified around the world and he is worshiped as a god in three diffent religons. He has a fan club that holds over 500 million Jamaalians and donations are welcolm to this young prophecy that is soon to be the biggest idol ever; yes, even bigger than god.

From Christianity

Image:Laff alert.svg This page contains material which is kept because it is considered humorous. It is not intended, nor should it be used, for any research or serious use (unless the research is about Wikipedia itself).

{{#if:|

style="width: 1em" Template:! id="shortcut" class="noprint" style="border: 1px solid #999; background: #fff; margin: 0 0 .5em 1em; text-align: center; padding: 5px" Template:! Shortcut:
{{{1}}}

}}

From Apocalypse

Template:Current

From Wublish

Wublish is the language used by the Woodles which are a type of giant chicken that lives in the Atlantic Ocean.

Duration of sexual intercourse

This article or section is in need of attention from an expert on the subject.
Please help recruit one, or Template:Plainlink if you can. See discussion page for details.

From Wikipedia:Requests for adminship/Son of a Peach

Support
  1. Support SoaP 17:08, 10 August 2006 (UTC)
  2. Support Not a Sockpuppet 17:08, 10 August 2006 (UTC)
  3. Support Ignore the Timestamps 17:08, 10 August 2006 (UTC)
  4. Support Completely separate user 17:08, 10 August 2006 (UTC)
  5. Support Definitely not Son of a Peach 17:08, 10 August 2006 (UTC)

Band Members

From Nine Inch Nails this rev: Template:Infobox musical artist 2

From Talk:Elephant

Once you feed the trolls one time, you'll never get them to leave you alone. They're like stray cats (not Stray Cats) that way. – ClockworkSoul 21:51, 10 August 2006 (UTC)

I don't know. I fed Brian Setzer once and he won't come out of my basement.Elbow 08:23, 11 August 2006 (UTC)

From the Miscellaneous Reference Desk

Looking for Droids

Does this really annoy you? When you can't find the droids you're looking for? It sure annoys me Benbread 17:20, 11 August 2006 (UTC)

Move along, then, move along. ColourBurst 17:41, 11 August 2006 (UTC)
Davin Felth is also annoyed. Isopropyl 17:52, 11 August 2006 (UTC)
I don't know. It more like grinds my gears. schyler 20:26, 11 August 2006 (UTC)

From Squish

Squish is a sounnd made when you squeeze things. It comes from the fact that the actual sound is 'squuuuuuuuiiiishhh.'

From Ku Klux Klan

According to historicans, the Klu Klux Klan was officially beganninized somewhere last March. Despite other "hard factual evidence" from "certified historians" with their "degrees", the KKK (affectionately known as Jolly Gollies!!) was formed when this guy, black (not a fact) was seen crossing a street while having his Air Jordans only half pumped with air. This seemed to tick off the surrounding community as Air Jordans are widely known to be half efficient at that volume of air in the soles. They asked "Why spend that much money to only get half the use?! We need to make an example!!" So begins the trilogy of the J.G. or KKK. The KKK can be found working local fundraisers such as Girlscouts Sisters OF The Lower Northwest and the Krispy Kreme Donut-Off which can be found every Saturday at N. 11th and Elm Ave. These men and donkey afficianatos have been references as hate-breeding mongoloids but in reality are just trying to make Steve pump up his Nike's. So when you see a hooded Klansman (Gollyman) peak your eyes at him, spread forth your arm and say "Hey Man, I understand..."

From Lloyd Pye

To the shock of all of you , a letter will be received from Llloyd Pye himself on wikipedia stating that HE NEVER authorized ANY of you to talk about his personal SELF. and therefore ALL this will be REMOVED and some of you in trouble. I have his consent.

From Shiny Happy People

Template:Otheruses

Elmo the Roach

Elmo the Roach is a little known, loving friend of the wealthy Bruce Wayne. He was a reptile slave dog that Bruce Wayne obtained from Idaho non-gold miners in the summer of 1945. Bruce Wayne bought Elmo when he was only a pup for $10 and a crack pipe. The miners were more than willing to get rid of the reptile dog for fear of they’re children getting radiation poisoning from its urine. Elmo and Bruce became fast friends after Bruce saved Elmo from a pack of Bug Bears from Norway. Later Elmo would repay Bruce by saving him from a fall into his families well at the Wayne Estates. Elmo’s last appearance was when he was euthanized by Bruce for urinating on the family rug one to many times. Elmo was 12 years old and left behind 3 wives and 27 children who subsequently die of parvovirus.

From 2006

Alex Hewes

Alex Hewes 

    A Halo Prodigy


Birth

It was July 9th 1991. A new creature was born, of the homosapien race. He had started as a seed, or as the scientists call it, "Sperm". Some time six months before, roughly January 9th. That seed was lauched from a man known as Steve Hewes into Linda Hewes's womb. That seed, known as Alex Hewes, battled for supermancy among the other seeds. Triumply, he suceded. As he grew from a one celled organism, into a healthy fetus, the time was to come. But until then he would have to wait six months of solitude. He was growing by the minute, growing by day and by night. He was becoming what he was meant to be, a man. When that day came, July 9th, 1991, he was ready to be let free, let into the light. Alex Hewes was born a healthy baby boy, only to grow to become something this world has never seen.



Infancy

He was just a boy, He was unaware of his fate at the time. This upcoming years would be for training, Mentally and physically. He would learn to walk at the age of 2, talk at the age of 4, potty trained at the age of 5, elementary schooled from age 5 to 12. grasping reading, math, and all sciences alike. He practiced these and conqure all. Though in the meantime he was practicing something else, something great. Video games, thats right. Video games. It started with the mario series, his older ,not as talented, nor gifted brother had gotton for his birthday. At night Alex would play. During the day Alex would play. Alex would play and play. He was getting his fingers ready for one day, one day he would lead the way.


Adolesence

The teenage years, this is when Alex Hewes started getting into more advanced complex games. Because he was born into the start of the gaming era he was exposed to almost everything. Then that day came when he played Halo. He would play lan parties day in to day out. soon technologies advanced so he could play at home and with the release of halo 2 things got better. He was a prodigy, of science. --BLAZEIK3N 02:25, 12 August 2006 (UTC)

From Kasey Kahne

Kasey is very girly. Sources say that he is Ray Evernham's sex slave. Not Erin Crocker's as previously thought.


From Ref. Desk/Humanities

Safe Air Travel

How about this -- treat the airplane just like a movie theater: no outside food/drinks allowed. We need to dispense with the high gadgets and just say you can't bring anything on board except the clothes on your back. All food, drinks and comfort will be provided by the airlines. That the only way to truly make things safe. Or if overhead luggage is allowed, it must be locked down for the entire flight: no access at all.

Here is my idea.

Nudist Airways

All passengers must board the plane completely nude. Furthermore, each passenger must eat a mouthful of pork before they are allowed on board the plane. All passengers are handcuffed during the duration of the flight. All lights in the cabin are turn off and the windows shutters are pulled down.

I guarranty there will be not a single terrorist incident on Nudist Airways. Ohanian 22:43, 14 August 2006 (UTC)

I'm assuming this is satire, but at any rate, what is the question? I really just think people should calm down, anyway, since if the terrorists are determined enough they'll get themselves through... —Keakealani •Poke Me•contribs• 22:49, 14 August 2006 (UTC)


Oh yes, I forgot to ask the question. Would you travel on Nudist Airways if the fares are 10% cheaper than other Airlines?

Ohanian 23:01, 14 August 2006 (UTC)

I would have thought Nudist Airlines would be more in the spirit of "100% off".... - Nunh-huh 23:13, 14 August 2006 (UTC)
"If God had meant for people to fly, they would have been born with wings. And if He meant for them to be nudists, they would have been born buck naked." :-) StuRat 00:27, 15 August 2006 (UTC)

Kaj Kibak

Kaj Kibak is known as probably the best person ever... I have not met them all.

Raised in Santa Cruz California by a ninja clan he has become probably the greatest ninja ever. Among other events in his life mentioned below he continually worked and honed his resolve. While many people doubt his abilities he is famous (in some circles) for being the first person ever to successfully deflect a Chuck Norris roundhouse.

Life Moments

In 31 BC had an an affair with a woman who was engaged... His son went on to do big things

1776 he writes a thesis called the "An explicit, formal announcement, either oral or written of Independence" it was renamed by some hack

1812 he learns how cold Russia is in the winter while trying to spread Democracy with Napolean

1876 while drinking at a bar with this guy George Custer, Kaj gave him a tip that there were no Indian warriors at little Big Horn

1917 he was caught holding a note that he thought was a practical joke, something about this guy Zimmerman?

1941 he moved some planes at Pearl Harbor out of the way to make room for his H2

1960 he unwittingly participated in the Woolsworth Lunch Counter Sit In, "I just wanted a tuna melt"

1969 he was first man to land on the moon... who the f*** do you think was filming Neil?

1973 he used his skills to topple the Nixon administration in the Watergate scandal

1983 he accidentally dropped a burrito into the core of Chernobyl nuclear reactor... results are not known as of now

1986 he was born

1989 he was accedently dropped during an earthquake

1991 he video taped police assaulting an unkown man of African origin

1997 he could of sworn that there was a space ship in the tail of the Hale-Bopp comet, but wasn't sure enough to drink the kool-aid

2001 he is preasent while his friends, we'll just call them "Chuck" and "T-money" urinate on an 8th grade graduation dance through a window above the cafeteria

2004 much to the chagrin of numerous teachers, staff, and faculty Kaj graduates and moves on to a very prestigous university, (IT'S NOT A JC)

2006 he decided to put himself on Wikipedia

From: Question Time

:Image:Tony Blair at PMQs.jpg
Tony Blair at question time in the British House of Commons, with Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown visibly thrilled to be there.]]


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From Bal-Sagoth

During the recording of "The Power Cosmic", the band's iconic sword Excalibur was stolen from the studio by local street urchins who proceeded to sell it, presumably in order to buy rocks of crack. Fearing the righteous wrath of the mighty Bal-Sagoth, various lowlife scum swiftly gave up the sacred blade, and it was ultimately returned, after having passed through at least one pawn shop and several worried owners.


The following is a transcript of an actual band meeting from autumn 2003, concerning the delays in recording the album:

Exterior: Lord Byron's shuttle docks at the partially completed Wayland's Forge.

JONNY: Lord Byron, this is an unexpected pleasure. We're honored by your presence.

BYRON: You may dispense with the pleasantries Jonathan. I'm here to put you back on schedule.

JONNY: I assure you Lord Byron, I'm working as fast as I can.

BYRON: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate you.

JONNY: I tell you this studio will be operational as planned.

BYRON: Nuclear Blast does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.

JONNY: But they ask the impossible. I need more time.

BYRON: Then perhaps you can tell them when they call.

JONNY: Nuclear Blast are phoning here?

BYRON: That is correct, Jonathan. And they are most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.

JONNY: I shall double my efforts.

BYRON: I hope so Jonathan, for your sake. Nuclear Blast are not as forgiving as I am.

From Evolution

TEH ONE WHO BLOCKS ME IS AN EVIL-UTIONIST

From The Law of the Playground

The theme music was by David Blunkett and is entitled "That's Never Piss".

From Daktronics

Robotics

Daktronics is also known to employ some of the most sophisticated robotic personnel in the United States. Most Daktronics employees consist of the LX-517 model Personnel Robot or the LZ-2100X model Fembot for production purposes. However the significantly less astute P-939 model is still in use in some sectors of the manufacturing plant. All robotic personnel exhibit the same lifeless patterns of standard, human factory employees to the point where the difference between the two is indiscernible.

from Brent Cross

About

Brent Cross' most impressive shop comes from JD Sports. Located upstairs, it is host to numerous workers and customers alike. One of the employees Laura Snoop of finchley had this to say.

"Working here is great! We get a staff discount, and are treated great. Also you get gorgeous boys coming in, like the other day a boy i havn't seen since primary school came in. It was a great feeling seeing him again, and i would like him to pull down my panties (although his mate was fitter!)"

You can see plenty of other staff, like Laura Snoop by visitng Brent Cross today!

From Hulk (Comics)

The image is supposed to be Image:kitten.jpg, but this is pretty funny too.

Template:Superherobox

From Template:DB Bio

Aguerriero (Talk | contribs) deleted "Template:Db-bio" (Does not assert significance or importance.)

From Wikipedia:Long term abuse

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night, No Evil Shall Escape My Sight. Let Those Who Worship Evil’s Might Fear My Power…Green Lantern’s Light

Nintendo DS

A little known fact about the Acronym 'DS' is that it stands for 'Damn Skanky'. This was a reference which became far more widely known after an msn discussion which resulted in some moron editing Wikipedias DS Trivia section on the Nintendo DS.

from Mecha

Some speculate that the Japanese are building a mecha army deep underneath the islands of Japan in secret. Once technologically refined this army could easily be used to dispatch Pearl Harbor and move on in to wreak havoc on the United States.

I hate sally

'Described as "an aggressive punk band from Kingston, Ontario."

IHS consists of four shady individuals, all sharing an appreciation for various metal/ punk/ hardcore/ early '90's techno / moustache-era Weird Al.

Since the (very) humble beginnings, IHS has shared the stage with nearly every band ever, played 1 important wedding, 2 unimportant weddings, have gone through 4 vans (only one burned), and have received 37 noise complaints. During more recent shows, full-scale riots have broken out, with locals grabbing their heads in disbelief, sane people going insane, the dead coming back to life and then going insane, etc, etc, the horror goes on.

Currently, the group consists of singer-dancer Dee Prescott, guitar-slinger-background-singer Marc Garniss, 4-stringer-slinger-diet-coker Dan Vokey, and percussion/hair Nick Stozzlywocks. Early 2006 will see the follow-up release to The Plague EP (2005) and first full-length since Sickness of the Ages (2004). According to a South African business man that non-chalantly let himself into an IHS rehearsal, the new material is "extremely noisy." He went on to comment, "I can't tell what kind of music this is, but it's really really loud and sounds angry. I really like music.

From The Anarchist Cookbook

(Note: This is a pun on the "Criticism from anarchists" section)

The Anarchist's Cookbook is widely criticised by the culinary community for falsely representing cookbooks. Celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck denounced the book, claiming that "none of these recipes are restaurant or home kitchen friendly. Excuse my French, but they suck." Rival celebrity chefEmeril Lagase disagrees, however, stating that the publication "kicks cookbooks up a notch. Now my food says "BAM" for me."

The Anarchist's Cookbook is generally considered by cooks to be a "mockery" of cookbooks, providing no real recipes despite its loftly claims.

Guinea Pigs as Glue

Guinea pig semen has the rather surprising quality of being extremely sticky when exposed to air, tested as stronger than superglue. However, extracting it in industrial quantities has proved difficult.

From Derby County F.C.

From the Famous Fans section:

Gohardasht

Gohardasht is an entertaining complex in the north of Iran in Mazandaran province.

shouldn't make fun of English-as-a-second-language editors, but... well, so are many of the things Freud wrote about.

Bush

Image:South Djoum Chimp.jpg
Our prez

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Aqueous Martini

An Aqueous Martini is water in a fancy glass, with an olive.

From Home Depot

The "pot in vanity" event is another piece of evidence that God puts cryptic messages in everyday logos that predict the future. In the Home Depot logo, if Depot is divided into "De" and "Pot", it is conclusive that "De" (which is Spanish for "of") causes the actual planned name of the chain to be "The House of Pot". Template:Clear

Nazi government of Peel, Ontario secretly controlled by the freemasons; Film at 11

In some discussions, editors make overblown comparisons to Adolf Hitler. In a few others, they talk about unlikely conpiracies. Rarely do the two intersect, as they do in this off-topic discussion from